about

Hi I'm Dee. I'm 23 and married. I've worked in health care as well as office settings but am now a home-maker. I'm knowledgeable in a variety of subjects but don't mind doing a little research if asked about something I don't know about. Most of my friends come to me for advice. I read several advice columns and would like to help you also.

I'm not judgemental. Your life is yours to live it as you choose. I believe asking for advice is good, but ultimately the choice is yours. You WILL NOT find a hurtful or smartass answer here.

If you have a question that you would like to keep private, you can email me and I'll get back to you as soon as possible.

advice

As part of my aniversary present to my boyfriend i am writing a love alphabet,
"I love you because you are..."
Adorable
Beautiful
Caring etc...

i'm stuck for what to put for Q, V and Z

any ideas?
Thank you x

I think it's a sweet idea.

Quintessential (the essence of something in its purest form}

Valuable, vibrant, vital, veracious (truthful, honest), versatile (having many uses, adaptible), vigilant (alert, watching for danger or problems), virile (energetic, manly), virtuous (moral)

Zealous (passionate), zenith (the highest point)

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So I want to surprise my girlfriend with a very meaningful gift- like at 5pm today when she gets off work. Any original ideas? (I've done the CD and such)

Thanks.

Instead of just a gift, why not surprise her by reinacting your first date, if it's possible? My husband did that once and I found it very romantic. He called me on his way home and told me to dress in what I'd wore that first night (he remembered everything). When he showed up, he was dressed in the same thing he'd wore. He played the same CD on the way to the restaurant and even ordered the exact same meal we had ordered. I was amazed that he had remembered every tiny detail of that first night and it's a memory I'll cherish forever.

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hey everyone....

i went on this site and noticed that some other people have been having the same problem that i have- well it's not really a problem- but it happens at least 3-4 times a day and everyday too. ok this is what's happening- every time i look at a clock- at home, in my room,at school , anywhere- anytime- the numbers on the clock are all the same like everday i come home from school and the time is 3:33- and when i lay in bed and glance at the clock before i go to sleep it says 11:11- and even when my friends stay over- we went to bed at 2:22- and woke up at 11:11- and one time i went into the mall and it was 1:11- i came out and it was 4:44- and it's really starting to freak me out- i'm not sure if it's just some big coincedence- or if it's a sign for something- so if you have any information or anything in common about/with this subject-please share it with me.-thank you

ashley

I think it's coincidence. You're probably looking at the clock at other times during the day as well, but it doesn't stick in your mind unless it's unusual. I glance at the clock at various times during the day, but generally don't remember any of the times unless something happened then (for example: someone called) or the numbers are like you've mentioned.

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I am in a relationship with a certain guy,but it happens that i am hemoglobin AS and he is hemoglobin AC.We are close to getting married,but my problem is, is it advisable to go ahead with the marriage or should i forget about it taking into consideration the children that we would be having.Please advice me.I am 24yrs.

This would definitely be something to discuss with your doctor. I'm not familiar with it, but I found a couple sites online that explain it fairly well.
http://www.wadsworth.org/newborn/hemotrait/works.htm
http://www.slh.wisc.edu/newborn/brochures/lynx1.shtml

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Ok I know whats wrong with my eye. I have Sinuses and it's putting pressure on them and it hurts so bad. What can I put on it to make it hurt less?

Sinus problems can be painful. I would talk to your parents about taking a sinus or pain medication. There are several products on the market to help with sinus pressure and pain. If these don't help, I would suggest making an appointment with your family doctor. There's a possibility you have a sinus infection which will need to be treated with antibiotics.


Sometimes putting a warm or cool cloth (Cool helps me, but a friend swears by warm) over your eyes will help to relieve the pain. Just run some water over a washcloth, ring out the excess water, and put it over your eyes for a few minutes while you lay down.

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When there's any sort of social gathering involving alcohol, my fiance always gets drunk. Not completely drunk, just a little drunk. It used to not bother me at all. But lately, it's blown up into a huge deal.

It stems from the fact that my mother was an alcoholic when I was a child. Also, when my fiance and I were split up for a month, he went through a depression and would drink every day and smoke a pack of cigarettes every day, and almost got kicked out of college.

So now when I see him drinking at all, it angers me to the point I want to explode immediately. Since he has informed me that he will still drink no matter what, we've decided upon a compromise; he can drink on special occasions, but not get drunk, even a little bit. BUT, even that angers me!

When he started smoking, I did everything I could to stop him, but I failed. He is finally quitting now, but I'm afraid that alcohol will one day be the same way, especially if we hit a rough patch in our lives. He makes excuses for drinking, such as saying it's the only way he can be himself in a crowd, and that scares me!! But on the other hand, I don't want to be completely irrational and fight about this all the time.

What should I do?

I think this calls for a two-pronged approach. First, you need to explain to him why you're against drinking. If he understands the reasoning, he may be less likely to do it. Second, I think you need to compromise a little. The compromise you mentioned in your question seems to be a good one. Since seeing him drink even a little bothers you, have you considered asking him to just not drink around you? You'll still be aware that he's drinking, but I think it will be easier on you if you're not seeing it.


The thing here is that you need to realize that unless he sees this as a problem, it's not likely to change. He has to be willing to make the change for himself for it to work. Good luck.

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ok I'm on holiday i UK. im from seychelles. im suppose to go back home on Sunday. but the problem is that ive just search for news on the net about my country and i've found out that my very close friend has lost her nephew in a boat accident on the 4th and his brother is in the ICU (i dont really know if his still alive). the accident happened on the 1st.she must be thinking that i dont know. when i go back home i dont know what to do. i mean in the group that we hang out with we are always there for each other. i feel guilty i wasnt there for the funeral plus the girl is still young she is only 13. im just not sure what to say. they always came to me for comfort but now im stuck

When you talk to your friend, tell her that you heard what happened and that you're there for her. She'll appreciate your support and I'm sure she'll understand that you were unable to come to the funeral. In situations like this, sometimes the best thing is to simply be there for your friend. She may want to talk or simply need a shoulder to cry on.

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I used a tampon for the first time tonight. I began to feel a little discomfort afterabout 30minutes to I took it out. However it hurt to take it out; I had to pull pretty hard. Is this normal?

It shouldn't hurt or be difficult to take out a tampon. What absorbency are you using? Unless you're bleeding heavy, I would suggest using a tampon for light or normal days. If you're barely bleeding, it might be best to use a pad. It might also help to try a couple different brands to find the one that's right for you. I had to switch brands a couple times before I found one that seemed to fit comfortably. Since it's your first time, I would recommend looking for a slimfit or teenfit tampon.

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i used to give head to some guys and i quit because i thought i might have caught something. could there be a chance i could get something? or i would have to get that checked ..since some stds show no syptoms?

i also heard that if the guy had some std and i swallowed the std or whatever would die cause of the acid in my stomach or something? is that true

Any time you have sex in any way (even oral), there is a chance of you being exposed to an STD. If the guy is infected and his semen comes in contact with an open cut any where on or in your body, you can be exposed. I would suggest visiting your family doctor, local health department or planned parenthood office and getting checked.


As for the acid in your stomach protecting you from the STD, I haven't heard that before. I would recommend asking a doctor to be sure.

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this girl in my grade i dont like.. well she told us she had sugery and she cant eat.. we asked her sister(who would not lie) said she never got surgery.. and her sister said shes been telling her mom she doesnt eat at school.. i dont like this girll.. and its none of my buiesness... but i need to help her eat.. shes about 5'2 and 75 ilbs.. it looks like you can break her in half

I would suggest speaking to a teacher you trust or your school counselor about this. It's possible that the mother doesn't believe the sister. If this is the case, perhaps the school bringing it to the mother's attention will have more impact.

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ok i have spy sweeper and EZ Armor (firewall) and lately i have been getting more EZ Armor Alerts telling me that my computer blocked something. i used to get them often but now its like every 20 seconds ! so i ran a spy sweeper search and it found the adware coolwebsearch and removes it but it seems it keeps coming back. how can i get rid of it for good.



p.s i also ran Ad-Aware SE Personal and that doesnt even seem to find that adware

That spyware is a difficult one. I've had a problem with it myself. What worked for me is running a utility that specifically targets that exact spyware. The link is where you can download it for free.
http://www.adwarereport.com/mt/archives/000059.html


I would also suggest adding Spybot to your security. It's completely free and user-friendly. I've found that it finds things that Ad-Aware sometimes misses. Update it as soon as you get it installed and run a full system scan. I'm giving you the download link below.
http://www.safer-networking.org/en/download/index.html


If you don't do so already, it's a good idea to check for updates on your spyware programs on a weekly basis. Also make to update your Antivirus and run Windows Update on a regular basis.

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Does it mean you have an infection or something if for the past few days you've felt like you had to pee, but you really don't? and your stomach hurts like you haven't peed in a while.
*serious question*

I had a bladder infection last year and this sounds similar to what I felt. I ached in my lower back and had the urge to pee, but nothing happened when I tried. I would suggest going to the doctor to be checked out. If you're not able to pee at all, I would suggest going immediately as it's not healthy. If it is a bladder infection, the doctor can prescribe antibiotics.

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My boyfriend is 24 and I'm 22 and we've been dating for at least 2 years. We love eachother dearly and are serious about one another. The only issue he and I occasionally discuss is religion. We do have a lot of the same morals however he's Christian and I was born into a sect of Hinduism, which I do believe in. Although we do respect and appreciate eachothers beliefs, I kinda get the feeling he wants me to convert. I really don't want to label myself something I'm not comepletely. Is it possible to have a healthy 'interfatih' relationship that works in the long run?!

As long as you're both accepting of each other's religious choice and don't try to convert each other, I think the relationship can work in the long run. Since you have a feeling that he's trying to convert you, it may be best to sit down and have a discussion about your religion and set some boundaries.

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I've never had vaginal intercourse, but about 6 years ago I fooled around with my first and only bf. I performed oral sex on him and also let him perform anal on me without using a condom.
I tell everyone that I'm still a virgin and saving myslef for my husband. No one knows about what I did with my ex bf.
Should I get tested for any STD's? Just to be on the safe side? I know it was 6 years ago. Also, what are the chances that I could have caught something?

If you've had any type of sex (even anal or oral), you're at risk for an STD. Some STDs may show no symptoms so it's a good idea to be checked just to be on the safe side. If money is an issue, try your local health department or planned parenthood office. They usually offer free and low-cost testing.

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over a period of time about 6 months i have become infatuatated with my colleugues wife. whenever i go to her house to see my collegue i keep staring at her. some times i feel she is also doing the same some times.i have definiteky seen her doing the same. I am 45yrs old happily married.she is about 40.I have a hunch that she wants me to make a move but i am not sure.i want to to take minimum of risk as the consequences are too much to bear.on other hand i feel a fling for a short time is not bad as we only live once.please help me

Is a short fling worth ruining two marriages as well as your work relationship with your collegue? If your spouses find out, you're going to have some hurt feelings to deal with which may even lead to divorce. It could also lead to a rough relationship between you and your collegue at work. Even if you got lucky and no one found out, you would both still be dealing with the feelings of guilt.


You say you're happily married. What is it about this woman that attracts you to her to the extent you're willing to jeopardize your marriage? Is there something missing in your marriage that she can provide? I would think carefully about this before you do anything. If it's a problem in your marriage, it would be better to correct it than take a chance on a fling that may not be worth it.


I'm married myself. While I may be attracted to others, I would never take the chance of jeopardizing my marriage or hurting my husband. To me, it's just not worth the possible cost.

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Ok, I am 17 and I have been with my boyfriend for almost two years. We lost our virginity to each other, and its wonderful because we love each other. However, my mom asked me to wait until after I graduated from high school and I told her I would, but I didn't. Now she wants to take me to the gynocologist, which is fine. I want to go and I want to make sure I'm healthy and start on birth control pills. But I don't want her to know I am sexually active. Will my doctor tell her? I am under 18, so does she have to tell my mom everything that happens because I am a minor? And how can I make it confidential without my mom being suspicious? I want her in the exam with me, because I know I will be scared, but I don't want the doctor to tell my mom. Will the doctor have a question and answer session with me alone before the physical exam so I can tell her?

The doctor should not tell your mom. Medical confidentiality laws protect everyone, not just adults. I would either go in alone for the exam or try to speak the doctor or nurse before-hand to explain the situation. In my experience going to the gynecologist, they didn't ask about whether I was sexually active during the exam. However, there was a question regarding how many sexual partners I had had in the initial paperwork. It may be wise to call ahead to the gynecologist's office to see what there procedure is.


There is also the option of telling your mom that you're sexually active. There's a chance that she already knows or at least suspects. Somehow my mom knew when I had sex for the first time even though I didn't tell her. Since you want to get on birth control, it may be a good idea to tell her anyway. Otherwise, she may question why a virgin wants birth control.

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17/female.

I've been in two relationships, and they've been great except there's always been something really tiny and pointless that I've dwelled on and thus never been able to be fully happy. I don't know what's wrong with me. For example, I'm with a wonderful guy right now but it really, really bothers me that he's not a virgin. I know this is really stupid because the past shouldn't matter, but I dwell on things. What can I do to stop thinking about these things and enjoy myself? Does anyone else find that stupid little things concern them in a relationship? I hate feeling this way!!

Thanks

If it's something that's important to you in a relationship, I don't see anything wrong with being a little picky. By realizing now what you don't like in a relationship, it will hopefully help you choose better relationships in the future. Everyone seeks certain things in a relationship; it's completely natural. You just have to choose which things are important to you and which you can let slide.

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Ok, I'm about to have sex for the first time. I've been waiting for ages and I am prepared now. My boyfriend has had sex before a few times so I need a little help on stuff:
a. Is there going to be a lot of blood?
b. Is it going to hurt? (My friend told me it hurt like a mother- through the whole thing on her first time)
c. Is there anything I should know? I know I'm not going to be that great but I don't want to look stupid.
d. What should I do once it's over?

a) There may be some blood or there may be none. It varies by the woman. The blood comes from the breaking of your hymen. Some women who are active or who have fell a certain way may have broken their hymen in the past and probably won't bleed.
b) This again depends on the woman and the situation. If you're relaxed and you take things slow, you may have little or no pain. I've spoken with other women who have said it was very painful to them.
c) There's no set schedule for what you do when. It's more instinct and going with the flow. If your boyfriend knows it's your first time, he'll be more likely to take it slow and let you know what he wants.
d) I would suggest using the restroom afterwards. When your body comes into contact with a foreign object, even another person's body, there is a chance of bacteria being introduced. By emptying your bladder afterwards and cleaning up, it will help to get rid of this bacteria so it doesn't make you sick later. Also, you may feel more comfortable if you shower afterwards.


I'm glad to hear that you've thought this through and have taken the necessary precautions to protect yourself.

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are there any side effects or long term effects for that shot that makes you not get your period?
thanks

With anything you take, there is a chance of having some side effects. I would suggest speaking to your health care provider about it. They are more knowledgeable about your health and can recommend which method is best for you. I'm giving you a link to information about the shot, including side effects.
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/pp2/portal/files/portal/medicalinfo/birthcontrol/pub-depo-provera.xml

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I recently found out that one of my best friends has eye cancer. If it spreads to her brain, which it probably will within the next year, she'll die. She refuses to do anything about it, surgery or chemo, and is just giving up. I've tried to convince her to do something, and she won't listen. What should I do?

I'm sorry you're going through this right now. Cancer is a hard thing to deal with. I have a friend currently fighting cancer right now so I understand where you're coming from.


The important thing is to be there for your friend and try to keep her upbeat as much as possible. The choice as to whether she tries chemo or surgery is something she has to make for herself. She may have reasons for not trying to fight the cancer. Both surgery and chemo can have some nasty side effects and don't necessary come with the guarantee she'll be cured. There also may be other issues that you're not aware of. For example, there may be medical reasons why she can't.


She also may be in denial or not fully understand the impact of the cancer yet. Just give her some time.


Just be there for your friend. Whether she decides to fight the cancer or not, she's going to need a lot of support right now.

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