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extra marital relationship
over a period of time about 6 months i have become infatuatated with my colleugues wife. whenever i go to her house to see my collegue i keep staring at her. some times i feel she is also doing the same some times.i have definiteky seen her doing the same. I am 45yrs old happily married.she is about 40.I have a hunch that she wants me to make a move but i am not sure.i want to to take minimum of risk as the consequences are too much to bear.on other hand i feel a fling for a short time is not bad as we only live once.please help me
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Infatuations are like a cup of coffee. Strong and energizing at first, but quick to go cold or burn you out. You are enjoying the flattery of another woman thinking you are attractive. Everyone enjoys an ego-boost, just don't let yourself become an idiot over it. The thing to remember is that crushes/infatuations are powerful because they are not real! Just like when you first became attracted to your wife...everything is wonderful at first, because it is not real. Also, I can tell you with certainty that whether or NOT you screw up and do something about the mutual crush, it will burn out on its own. When it does, you will either have caused a lot of pain, or you will be thankful you did not give into temptation. While you are checking out this other woman, who is staring at your wife? Be careful, and don't do something you can't undo.
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look if you are happily married why do you even want to think these things? i know that we are only human and we all do this once in a while, but you probably need to pay more attention to your wife. maybe even discuss this with her.
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It is totally wrong to cheat!! Especially if you say your are happily married. Now it is normal to have kind of a "crush" on someone. But to make a move would be totally unapproriate. Why would you do that to your wife. Would you be able to handle the guilt and lies when you come home into bed with your wife. Would you want to crush your colleugue? If you have kids what would they think if one of yous made a move and it got out? Its not just you who it would affect. Its everyone who has anything to do with you life that is important.
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Shit man. Watch Fatal Attraction with Michael Douglas and Glenn Close. If you're happily married, you wouldn't be thinking about doing this. Don't. It'll only be bad. If you get away with it, you'll feel guilty. If you don't, you'll feel guilty AND your marriage will be over AND your friend will hate you for the rest of his life AND after your divorce, you won't see your kids but like once a week. Is it worth it just for a little pussy? No. Go home and fuck the shit out of your wife.
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All I have to say is secrets always get exposed eventually in the end. its not worth it, even if she's so hot, think of your wife, kids (if applicable), and your self. you'll not only start to feel guilty everyday, but things will get complicated in your life, and when people usually decide to have a fling it sometimes leads to something more. don’t put your life, and dignity at stake, and don’t risk hurting your wife. besides you must only be feeling this because your sex life might not be where you want it to be. discuss it with your wife. get some spice into your own marriage and you maybe wont be interested in the other woman after.
good luck
syireen
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Wow. So you're "happily married". Are you sure about that? If you were so happy with your wife why would you even consider having an affair? From what you've described it sound like you're just in lust with this woman, not in love. Lust is an emotion that usually fades over time. What you have with your wife is so much more than just lust, you have love, friendship, and live long committment. I think that you shouldnt make a move with your collegues wife. There's just too much at stake. You never mentioned having children, but if you did, think of how traumatized they would be if they knew their dad had an affair. Also think about your wife, and your collegue. Also your reputation if this got out. Please think about this carefully. Is one moment of passion worth a liftetime of regret?
I know in your heart you'll do the right thing.
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I'm willing to bet this is not the best idea you've ever had. She's hot, take a picture. You love her personality, be friends with her. However hard it is they are your only options to keep your marriage happy.
Yeah you only live once and believe me i understand that pull towards someone else but at the end of the day you are old enough to understand the effect this could have on everyone concerned. If you don't understand this I suggest you shouldn't be married.
I'm sorry to sound cliched but how would you feel if it was done to you. seriously imagine your wife doing what you're contemplating. If the thought doesn't really bother, again, perhaps you shouldn't be married.
Sleeping with some random person is one thing (no better obviously but still) but if you begin an affair with someone you and your wife see a fair amount (which i assume you do) you're just creating a time bomb which i guarantee will explode in your face sooner or later.
Minimum risk (in fact, the only course of action risk-free) is to let this woman be if you want to keep your wife. If not, time to be a man and say so.
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keep your wang in your pants man. you only live once is right. do you want to ruin the thing you've spent so long living for and with? behave man.
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Making any move at all in this situation would be a mistake. If you are unhappy in your marriage, leave. If you are just bored, talk to your wife and work on the problem together. Having a fling would be both selfish and self-defeating as it would hurt two innocent people and possibly have a negative impact on your career since you've described this woman's husband as a colleague.
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your married. do you love the person youre married to? How would you feel if your wife suddenly decided to have a fling with another man? How would you like it if your friend made a move on your wife? what are you willing to risk? think about that.
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Is a short fling worth ruining two marriages as well as your work relationship with your collegue? If your spouses find out, you're going to have some hurt feelings to deal with which may even lead to divorce. It could also lead to a rough relationship between you and your collegue at work. Even if you got lucky and no one found out, you would both still be dealing with the feelings of guilt.
You say you're happily married. What is it about this woman that attracts you to her to the extent you're willing to jeopardize your marriage? Is there something missing in your marriage that she can provide? I would think carefully about this before you do anything. If it's a problem in your marriage, it would be better to correct it than take a chance on a fling that may not be worth it.
I'm married myself. While I may be attracted to others, I would never take the chance of jeopardizing my marriage or hurting my husband. To me, it's just not worth the possible cost.
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I'm not some little kid answering your question, so maybe you'll take me more seriously when I tell you to LEAVE IT ALONE. You want to go to bed at night with thoughts of your wife cheating on you? her hands all over a man that's not you becauase you weren't enough for her? Don't do that to her. If you want to sleep with other women let her go. No one deserves to be cheated on.
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I think you need to ask yourself exactly why you even want to do this. If you are as you say 'happily married' then why are you even considering having any kind of affair? Think how you would feel if you found out that your wife was having an affair, however short it was, and then think about just how much you have to loose. Also, what would happen if you made a move and she wasn't interested (maybe you've read the signs wrong) then you risk loosing everything for nothing, is it really worth it. I understand that you may find this woman attractive, I doubt if there is any man who is married who hasn't found another woman attractive at one time (some even to the point of fantasising about them) but making that move is a major thing that could completely change your life. I don't think that a 'fling' or any other sort of affair is worth the risk of destroying a happy marriage and possibly the lives of those involved.
Kizlode
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I think it would be very unfair to your wife for you to have a "fling" with another woman, even if its short and not serious. I don't mean to be rude here, but the 'we only live once' is just making excuses for it. True, your wife may never find out, but you'll have to live with it on your conscience for your whole life. It may feel right now, but in the future you might regret it.
If you feel the sparks gone from your marriage, divorce your wife. Why be with someone who you no longer love? and if you did love your wife, would you do this? Of course, it might be just a simple infatuation that may pass, and yes these things are inevitable. Undoubtedly crushes do develop on others, even when you are married. Acting on them however takes it to a new level. Don't go there.
I apologize if I came across as rude but I was just stating my opinion.
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I think if you weight it out, you will find it not to be worth it. I would hope.
However at 45 you are capable of deciding for yourself. But, here is my two cents worth for you to think about first.
Think of it like this. Is one moment of gratification and excitement worth the risk of losing your marriage, your friendship, and the feelings of guilt that will follow? :)
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