Hi, I'm a young 50 year old father of three (two sons one 5 and one 21, and a daughter of 31) from Romford, England. I have a lot of experience of life from both the good and bad sides, the good side when I was singing in bands almost every night and my life was one long party, and the bad side having to admit I'm an alcoholic and doing a hard rehab/detox programme (sober for 10 years now) then having a heart attack and a broken marriage to deal with. I am now in a good place in my own mind and want to help others as much as I am able to.
E-mail: supernaut@ntlworld.com
Gender: Male
Location: Romford, London, England
Occupation: Unemployed
Age: 50
Member Since: November 19, 2005
Answers: 63
Last Update: July 30, 2007
Visitors: 8601
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I am 42 and I just recently got married to a woman I have known my entire life but we both got married to other people shortly after high school. She has three teenage daughters Sam is 19 Meagan is 18 and Audree is 16. Their father left them shortly after my wife had her youngest daughter and so she has raised them all by herself. They have always been pretty affluent because my wife's family has quite a bit of money and she is a magazine editor. She lets the girls get away with murder and they get everything rthey could possibly even dream of wanting. I have a very big issue with this since my three sons (19 18 aand 17) are expected to follow very strict rules. I was in the army for several years and my children are expected to abide by my rules or face the consequences.
The girls however are completely out of control, especially the youngest one, Audree. My wife and i both agreed on a curfew for the all six kids when they moved in. She convinced me to change the curfew of my sons to be midnight for all of the kids. I agreed but with hesitation. Like always before my kids have always gotten here on time or before their curfew while her daughters completely disregard the rules. For example, Audree was late for curfew 4 times out of the 7 days last week. My wife didn't even talk to her about it. When i confronted her al she said was "She is only 16. I think we should just let her live her life." I found out the other day that her girls have never been grounded, never had acurfew, and are very open about teh fact that they go to parties and drink. Sam has gotten in 4 accidents since she has lived here, and Meagan has her boyrfriend over all the time without supervision, all things i dont tolerate from my own kids. Audree came home in tears the other night because she got a ticket for driving 19 MILES OVER THE SPEED LIMIT! My wife just hugged her and tried to calm ehr down the entire night and i never heard a single word about the ticket, which i had to pay for sicne none of her kids have jobs. I almost feel as if she is condoning this outrageous behavior since she never repremands her kids. I don't know how to explain to my kids about thsi double standard in our house but i feel like i can't interfere quite yet with her disiplining (or lack there of)since i am not their real father and have only been in their lives for 3 years. I just don't know how much more of this disrepect i can take from them. They are beautiful girlsand i love them like my own. I wish i could treat them this way though. I feel like i owe it to them to lay down the law and punsih them for things like curfew and partying and bad grades but i dont know if it will just put more stress on our relationship that could eventually cause tension between my wife and I. How should i handle this? (link)
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It is a very difficult situation which you will have to handle very carefully, but you will have to handle it because otherwise it could easily tear the two of you apart.
I think that there needs to be a certain amount of compromise on both sides. She seems to have no control at all over her kids, and doesn't seem to think there is anything wrong with that, while you seem to me to control your kids a bit too much (just my opinion).
I have always thought that the key to a good lasting relationship is communication. You need to talk to your wife and lay out your problems and feelings in a calm way without making her feel that you are in any way critising her parenting abilities. She may not realise the effect the way she deals with her kids has on you. What you also need to do is offer some kind of middle ground solution to dealing with the kids so that both of you and all of them feel the treatment is fair and equal.
I hope that things work out for you all and that my answer has been of some help.
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Im a girl, so i already know i'll suck more at guitar then guys. But, i'd like to start getting into guitars because music is one of my passions. I have long slender fingers so will that be an advantage when playing guitar? Okay well my question is, i want to play the song "vermilion pt. 2" on guitar, and I think its acoustic. I looked up the tabs. It said acoustic i think. Well anyways i was looking up acoustic guitars on google, and i also looked up electric guitars. And acoustic guitars are ugly! So, whats the difference between acoustic and electric guitars? Electric looks easier, but i dont know much when it comes to guitar. Please let me know as much info as possible, from experience would be even better. Im a beginner (only played like a couple times and sucked). Thanks so much this is something i wanna get into. THANKS (link)
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Firstly, don't start out thinking that because you are a girl you'll be any better or worse than a guy at playing guitar. There are many good female bands and guitarists around. Yes having long, slender fingers is an advantage when playing guitar because you can get your hands into the shapes to play chords easier and will probably find it easier to play solos.
The main thing about acoustic guitars is that they are big and bulky, but not all of them are (you may need to look hard to find them but you can get slimline acoustic guitars with necks basically the same as an electric), you might find it better to look at electro-acoustic (or semi-acoustic) guitars, they look better and are styled to handle more like electric guitars than acoustic ones.
If you really want to get into this don't let anyone or anything put you off and take some lessons and practice.
Good luck
Kizlode
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over a period of time about 6 months i have become infatuatated with my colleugues wife. whenever i go to her house to see my collegue i keep staring at her. some times i feel she is also doing the same some times.i have definiteky seen her doing the same. I am 45yrs old happily married.she is about 40.I have a hunch that she wants me to make a move but i am not sure.i want to to take minimum of risk as the consequences are too much to bear.on other hand i feel a fling for a short time is not bad as we only live once.please help me (link)
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I think you need to ask yourself exactly why you even want to do this. If you are as you say 'happily married' then why are you even considering having any kind of affair? Think how you would feel if you found out that your wife was having an affair, however short it was, and then think about just how much you have to loose. Also, what would happen if you made a move and she wasn't interested (maybe you've read the signs wrong) then you risk loosing everything for nothing, is it really worth it. I understand that you may find this woman attractive, I doubt if there is any man who is married who hasn't found another woman attractive at one time (some even to the point of fantasising about them) but making that move is a major thing that could completely change your life. I don't think that a 'fling' or any other sort of affair is worth the risk of destroying a happy marriage and possibly the lives of those involved.
Kizlode
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does anyone have any idea where to get a plain guitar pick, but in pearl style?? i need them by at least the 11th of Jan. the latest. (link)
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Not knowing exactly where you are means I can't give you an exact location to get the picks from, but you should be able to get the m from any local guitar shop or try looking on line for guitar accessories shops. I hope this helps.
Kizlode
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Hi I'm 25yrs old and looking for some practical advice on opening a bar/small club in South East London or North West Kent England. I know how to run and manage a business to an extent but not sure where to start when setting one up. Need to work out costs mainly but struggling to even find premises for sale or lease. What is better freehold or to lease? Are there particular things I should be doing in certain orders with regards to getting any licences I may need. If anyone can help I'd really apprieciate the advice. Thanks. (link)
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If you go to a business real estate company you may be able to buy or lease a property that already has some of the licences you need. Whatever property you do get I would suggest getting it checked over, if you are going toemploy staff you will need to make sure that the property (once it is ready to run) conforms to all health and safety legislation (I used to be a health and safety officer, that is one area that the government is getting very hot on nowdays). It may be worth while looking online for small bussiness advisors that specialise in the bar/club field.
I hope this helps you, good luck and let me know what it's called and where it is when it's open, maybe I'll pop down for a night :-))
Kizlode
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I'm trying out for the play The Sound of Music, and I'm going for the part of Leisel(the oldest VonTrapp child) For the audition, I must sing. What I need is the sheet music(piano)to bring with me. Does anyone know where I can get that online for the song "Sixteen Going On Seventeen" ?
5's for everyone who helps (link)
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They have a lot of songs on this site which can be downloaded (as far I know):-
http://www.sheetmusicdirect.com/SelectCountry.aspx?referrer=http://www.sheetmusicdirect.com/Default.aspx
Good Luck
Kizlode
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with all that i hear going around especially in the media, its difficult for me to decide whether sexual orientation is a mental, psychological, or conscience choice. do people decide to do it out of their own free will? is it both? any help is appreciated - will rate (link)
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It can be any or all of those things depending on the person involved, their background and lots of other factors.
The thing is, does it really matter? Whatever the reason that people are the way they are, they are entitled to be that way and I can't see that it makes any difference why they are that way.
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I have kind of an odd question. My friend told me that if you listen to Stairway to Heaven backwards, its satanic messages. I was skeptical and my parents told me it wasnt true. I had so many nightmares that night, thinking about what it sounded like, that when I woke up this morning, I turned on my computer and tried to find any and every piece of info I could about "backmasking" or listening to songs in reverse to hear satanic messages. I was really scared, but interested. It was all I thought about the WHOLE day, and Im not even kidding. Im afraid because I cant get the song Stairway to Heaven backwards which is "Oh My sweet Satan" and things like that out of my head! what do i do?! And also, is it REAL? Please somebody give me more information about backmasking. Ive looked up every google site on it. But, I want someone to give it to me in their own words. I will give everyone a 5 who has a good answer! (link)
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The whole backmasking thing is rubbish. Since it was first claimed that bands put so called satanic messages backwards in their songs, some bands have put silly messages backwards in songs just to poke fun at the idiots that keep claiming that messages from the devil are hidden on records. It was shown up by Judas Priest when they were taken to court because one of their fans committed suicide, the family claimed that there was a backmasked message on one of Judas Priests records and this caused their son to kill himself. When the families lawyer played some of the tracks backwards (and after telling the people in the court what it was they were going to hear) some people said they could hear the message, but Rob Halford (Judas Priests singer) played some of the tracks backwards and found completely different 'hidden messages' (which were caused purely by chance) one of which was 'You ask for a peppermint and I've got one', the judge dismissed the case because it was all rubbish.
The main thing you have to ask yourself is this, if it was true and as effective as these people claim then don't you think that big corporations (like Coke and Pepsi) would be using it to sell more of their products?
Don't get freaked out by it, just forget about it.
Kizlode
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Ok guys, Im somewhat at a loss. Most questions on this website tend to be at least somewhat mundane. Stuff that, while it could be very important to the poster, isnt life threatening or seriously life altering.
However, every once in a while, we come to the ones that ask a question about something where they stand to screw either their own, someone elses, or both lives.
Case in point, Ive just answered the second question from a girl who is 16 and wants to get pregnant when shes single, living at home, and basically incapable of supporting herself, much less a baby.
Now, this is not the only example, just a very recent one. Worst of all, many of the questioners in these cases are completely opposed to opposing points of view. They are determined that theirs is the right course of action, and are determined to screw themselves and others in the process.
So, my question to the masses, is does anyone know how to get through to idiots like this? Does anyone even think its possible? Im asking mostly those 18 and up, anyone can respond but Im looking for viewpoints from people who are at least looking back at the high school perspective, not in the throes of it.
Thanks, and sorry for length.
-The Spirit Fox (link)
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I think that sometimes you just have to accept that some people are just going to do things their way whatever anyone else says or thinks, now sometimes this isn't a bad thing as it is impossible to be absolutely 100 percent sure of how things will work out for them but on the whole if it is obvious to most people that something isn't really a good idea and the person involved won't listen then you just have to accept that whatever you say it won't make any difference. I also think that sometimes people already have an answer to a problem in their heads and the reason they ask others is to confirm that what they are going to do anyway is the right thing, of course if you say that it isn't they then get pissed off and do what they were going to do anyway. I have always been of the opinion that if someone is determined to screw up their life they will, and you might stop them this time by persueding them not to take an obviously bad route but eventually they will find a way to screw it up, so you start to ask yourself 'what's the point?' and to be honest I don't know but I do think that people with more insight or experience or information or whatever you want to call it, need to keep trying to help those that ask because if they don't more people will screw up more of the time.
I know this is all just the way I veiw things and others may not agree and that's their right.
Don't give up on everyone just because sometimes people make you feel dispirited.
All the best
Kizlode.
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does any one know a good monologue from a play (not just a published book of monologues) that is appropiate for a girl somewhere between 15-18? i want it 1930s or later - nothing from shakespeare. i would probably like a way to obtain a copy of the play as well, but i don't want to buy play scripts without first knowing if there are any good monologues for me in it! any suggestions would be great, thanks! (link)
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I don't know if this will help but this site has a lot of screenplays that you can read through online, maybe you can find something there:
http://sfy.ru/scripts.html
Good luck.
Kizlode
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i'm 5'6 and weigh 140...i feel huge....any ideas on how to get a good body...butin a healty way? i odnt want to have to starve....
thanks (link)
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The only way to really loose weight and keep it off is to eat less and exercise more. That doesn't mean you have to starve yourself or sign up to some extreme exercise programme. Just cut out fried foods, high fat foods and pastry, and cut down on dairy produce and sweet foods. Then start walking more and maybe take up some kind of activity that give you physical exercise (maybe a sport - swimming is very good). Also try to either cut down on or cut out caffine and alcohol.
I hope this helps but don't get too obsessed with losing weight, that's how eating disorders can start, remember it more important to be healthy than thin (and you can be healthy and overweight - as long as you not TOO overweight).
Kizlode.
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Hello. I am a 14/m. A few months ago I made a REALLY bad choice and it got me arrested. :-\ Now everyone of my friends parents hate me.... except for two. Those are the two who have met me. The ones who have met me like me. All the others hate me for no reason at all. Half of them have never even seen me and they hate me. They won't even give me a chance. I regret what I did. But i think I deserve a chance. It just pisses me off so much. Is there anything I can do? (link)
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It all comes down to trust. Your friends parents don't trust you because they think you might get their kids into the same kind of trouble you got into to. Trust has to be earned and it's harder to earn the trust of people who know you have done something wrong in the past, the only way you can really prove to them that they can trust you is by your actions from now on. You could also try getting the parents of friends that do still like you to try talking to the others to explain that you're not as bad as they fear.
I hope it all works out for you, try not to let it get you down and remember this (as a parent myself) you can't always like everyone that your kids like that's just the way it goes sometimes.
Kizlode.
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I've just recently got a ferret as a pet. He's male, about seven or eight months old. He's very docile and "lazy" for a ferret and is easily distracted, but he doesn't seem to want to play much. I know, I should be thanking my lucky stars he isn't always on "go go gadget" mode, but are there some games or activities that your ferrets enjoy that Doorstop might as well? Something cheap and stimulating for him would be awesome. Thanks! (link)
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I don't know much about Ferrets but when I was trying to find information about Degus for a friends I came accross this site which should be helpful to you:
http://www.modernferret.com/
I love your Ferrets name by the way.
Kizlode
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Does anyone know of any online sites where I can learn how to play my guitar for free? I would really seriously appriciate it more than anything! (link)
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You would probably be better getting a book to learn from, you should be able to get them fairly cheeply from any music store or possibly from a library (if they don't have one in the library ask them if they can get one for you).
I don't know how good they are but these sites might help:
http://www.play-the-guitar.net/browse/free-beginers-guitar-lessons.html
http://www.cheap-guitar-lessons.net/
http://www.downloadableproducts.com/Guitar/guitar-lessons-for-beginers.htm
http://www.learn-to-play-guitar.info/learn/guitar-lessons-for-beginers/
http://www.cheap-guitar-lessons.org/free-online-guitar-lessons-for-beginers.htm
http://www.flupejac.com/free-beginers-guitar-lessons.html
I hope this helps
Kizlode.
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Well I have an audition coming up and i planned on singing Mary J. Blige's song, "I'm Goin' Down" but i'm having trouble finding piano music for it, does anyone know a place where i can find it (preferably online) thanks! i rate! (link)
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I don't know if they will have the song you're looking for but this site is really good for on-line sheet music:
http://www.sheetmusicdirect.com/SelectCountry.aspx?referrer=http://www.sheetmusicdirect.com/Default.aspx
Hope this helps
Kizlode
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I'm writing an essay for english on this quote from "The Hours" :
"It had seemed like the beginng of happiness and Clarissa is still sometimes shocked more than 30 years later that it was happiness;that the entire experience lay in a kiss and a walk, the anticipation of dinner and a book"
What does it mean?
All I have is that happiness is not measured in the amount of money you make or the car you drive, but the little things that make you happy. Life flies by so fast that you never stop and realize how great the little things are.
Is that on the right track?
Thanks (link)
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I would say that it means that she was shocked to find that she could get lasting happiness from simple, small things instead of needing the big things (like wealth, power, position) that many people think bring lasting happiness.
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I get mad sometimes because I don't like how my family talks to me sometimes. It's like they are critizising me all the time for doing little things. How do I stop getting mad at them? They would tell my they don't mean anything on what they said. How can I find other advice sites that is like charity supported or government on the internet? (link)
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I don't know how bad your anger gets but I do know that anger can be a very destructive thing as far as family relationships go and you need to get it under control befor it gets any worse.
Really you just have to try to ignore the comments they make, after all they are only words, but I know that it isn't always easy to do.
I don't know if any of these sites will help but they are the only ones that I know about that deal with anger management (you could try using Google to find others):-
http://parentingtoolbox.com/myths.html
http://www.educational-psychologist.co.uk/anger.htm
http://angermgmt.org/children.htm
http://www.apa.org/pubinfo/anger.html
http://www.anger-management.net/index.cfm
I hope everything works out for you, just try to relax more and accept that sometimes families can be a pain in the ass.
Kizlode
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okayyyyy this question is basically for people who have heart problems er know someone that does, er juss somethingggg. yes i know that no ones a doctor er w/e but i need opinions. okay i'm practically out for my season because i had an episode where i went to the ER because my heart was fluttering so bad, i felt like i was going to pass out, i was dizzy, my skin color was off & i looked off. soo i went & they gave me an EKG & tests & xrays & they don't want me playing until jan. because thats when my appt. is. i don't know, i want to play & i'm afraid it'll be something totally small & i do have asthma. has anyone had this & played a sport?? it could be completely dangerous but i juss wanna know the outcomes out've it since i'm not allowed to play at all.
thanks!! (link)
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Having had a heart attack myself I would say that if your doctor has told to not to play then you shouldn't play.
Heart conditions are very serious and until the doctor gives you the all clear you need to make sure that you don't put too much strain on your heart, they can be treated successfully but if you strain your heart too much then you could damage it further and make it a longer and harder process to treat it (you could also risk having a major heart attack). Just hold of until you see your doctor and then ask wheither you can play or not, no sport is worth risking your life to play.
Take it easy, I hope everything goes alright
Kizlode
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I was just always wondering..how do you know if your actually bipolar or not? Im not sure if i am cause once in a while i can be really happy and the next minute im really depressed where i want to cry about nothing!? i dont know if im actually bipolar or just in a desperate need of attention?! please help. any websites would be good. (link)
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I would suggest that you go to your doctor and discuss it, it would be better to be professionally diagnosed. If you want more information about bipolar disorder you'll find a lot of good stuff at these sites:
http://mentalhelp.net/poc/center_index.php?id=4
http://www.bipolarworld.net/
Good luck and I hope I've helped,
Kizlode
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this is my second computer that i have and my dad will not buy me another. okay so heres the deal. my computer probably has spyware and i dont know how to get rid of it. i have ad-aware SE and i use it ALL the time but yet it still doesnt get the junk away. im getting scared cause i dont want to lose computer. does anyone no what i can do to have my computer work better and that i dont have a messed up internet?
ill rate high if you truly help me (link)
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You can get a lot of different software to help get rid of spyware, some of it works better than others. I would suggest installing different software to see if it works better than the one you have. I use Spyware Doctor and have had no problems with clearing the spyware from my computer.
You can download good, free softwre for this kind of thing from these sites:
http://www.snapfiles.com/freeware/freeware.html
http://www.download.com/2001-20_4-0.html?tag=tab
I hope this helps,
Kizlode
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