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Drinking Issues
When there's any sort of social gathering involving alcohol, my fiance always gets drunk. Not completely drunk, just a little drunk. It used to not bother me at all. But lately, it's blown up into a huge deal.
It stems from the fact that my mother was an alcoholic when I was a child. Also, when my fiance and I were split up for a month, he went through a depression and would drink every day and smoke a pack of cigarettes every day, and almost got kicked out of college.
So now when I see him drinking at all, it angers me to the point I want to explode immediately. Since he has informed me that he will still drink no matter what, we've decided upon a compromise; he can drink on special occasions, but not get drunk, even a little bit. BUT, even that angers me!
When he started smoking, I did everything I could to stop him, but I failed. He is finally quitting now, but I'm afraid that alcohol will one day be the same way, especially if we hit a rough patch in our lives. He makes excuses for drinking, such as saying it's the only way he can be himself in a crowd, and that scares me!! But on the other hand, I don't want to be completely irrational and fight about this all the time.
What should I do?
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No matter how much you talk to him and tell him how you feel he's really just not going to listen until he's ready. I hate to say it but if it's "the only way he can be himself in a crowd" then his mother is not the only alcoholic in his family. Does he know that alcoholism can be genetic? Is this something you want to live with the rest of your life and perhaps pass onto your children? If I were in this situation I would either be proactive and get him to AA or I would move on. :-/
Just remember you can't control him and until he's ready to admit he has a problem he's not going to help himself.
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I think this calls for a two-pronged approach. First, you need to explain to him why you're against drinking. If he understands the reasoning, he may be less likely to do it. Second, I think you need to compromise a little. The compromise you mentioned in your question seems to be a good one. Since seeing him drink even a little bothers you, have you considered asking him to just not drink around you? You'll still be aware that he's drinking, but I think it will be easier on you if you're not seeing it.
The thing here is that you need to realize that unless he sees this as a problem, it's not likely to change. He has to be willing to make the change for himself for it to work. Good luck.
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you need to tell him your scared for his health because youve seen what it can do, through your mother. tell him it scares you tell him you dont like when he does it...if he loves you more than his alchol then he will understand.
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In my opinion you have to see it from his point of view as well. As long as he has it under control, then I dont think its right to forbid him to do it. I know he abused it when you broke up, but he has it under control now as far as I understand. In the end most people have engaged in some sort of self destructive habit at some point in their lives.
You can of course try to talk to him, but I dont personally think its fair to put this sort of a demand on him. I also dont think that it will in any way change the risk that he will do something stupid if you hit a "rough patch".
I realise that you have a strong aversion to drinking, but dont you think you are overreacting somewhat? If nothing else knowing he can have an occasional drink and stop, means that he isnt prone to alcoholism as some are.
I really dont think you should be so concerned by something that is nothing more than a remote possibility.
In the end, alcohol in small amounts is actually good for your health (seriously)... so I would only be concerned with the smoking, thats bad in any quantity.
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You've just got to tell him what you are feeling, it hurts you to see him like that because your Mom's problems. If he can't then I don't know what to tell you, he needs to understand that you feelings are deep rooted in pain. Hope I helped it was kinda rushed, sorry
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