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Doctor Confidentiality
Ok, I am 17 and I have been with my boyfriend for almost two years. We lost our virginity to each other, and its wonderful because we love each other. However, my mom asked me to wait until after I graduated from high school and I told her I would, but I didn't. Now she wants to take me to the gynocologist, which is fine. I want to go and I want to make sure I'm healthy and start on birth control pills. But I don't want her to know I am sexually active. Will my doctor tell her? I am under 18, so does she have to tell my mom everything that happens because I am a minor? And how can I make it confidential without my mom being suspicious? I want her in the exam with me, because I know I will be scared, but I don't want the doctor to tell my mom. Will the doctor have a question and answer session with me alone before the physical exam so I can tell her?
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The doctor should not tell your mom. Medical confidentiality laws protect everyone, not just adults. I would either go in alone for the exam or try to speak the doctor or nurse before-hand to explain the situation. In my experience going to the gynecologist, they didn't ask about whether I was sexually active during the exam. However, there was a question regarding how many sexual partners I had had in the initial paperwork. It may be wise to call ahead to the gynecologist's office to see what there procedure is.
There is also the option of telling your mom that you're sexually active. There's a chance that she already knows or at least suspects. Somehow my mom knew when I had sex for the first time even though I didn't tell her. Since you want to get on birth control, it may be a good idea to tell her anyway. Otherwise, she may question why a virgin wants birth control.
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While the idea of having your first gyno exam alone can be scary, it seems to be your best option. You can simply tell your mother you want some privacy - she's not likely to question that, since your vagina will be on view, and many girls wouldn't feel comfortable with their mother there.
Prior to saying anything to your doctor, I would ask him/her about their policy regarding confidentiality. Chances are they would not tell your mother anything, but it's best to check beforehand both to know what will/will not happen, and also to set your mind at rest.
The exam itself could have questions regarding sex during it, which is why it might be best to be alone. It's also best to be completely open and honest with your doctor, so that she/he has the most information about you - this way she can make sur you're healthy, offer advice, and also see if the pill is the most appropriate birth control method for you.
The exam will include talking, a speculum being inserted (this does not hurt), the doctor sliding a finger or two inside you while pushing down on your tummy from the outside, and also a breast exam. None of the exam is painful, though it will probably feel weird. A good doctor will explain what they are doing as they go, and they'll also use lubrication to help things be even more comfortable.
Of course, your other option is to tell your mom that you've had sex. If she's making an appointment for you to go to the gyno, she's probably thinking that you may have already of had sex. And even if she's not, she still would have to be pretty clued up and positive about your choices and body to accompany you to this appointment.
Best of luck, whatever you decide.
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Your doctor will not tell her. I do think the best thing though would be for you to go in alone. I know it is scary but it will give you an opportunity to ask questions and talk with the doctor. Most of the time the talking is done before the exam. A nurse is with you the whole time too.
I'm afraid as a mom myself I would be suspicious if my daughter wanted me there for the exam but not the talking. I can't think of anything that would make me NOT be.
Here is a website for you to look at. It explains the exam just in case you haven't had one before. If you have or if you already know whats going on just skip it.
Pelvic exams 10 things about…[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Pelvic exams……………………[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
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the doctor cant tell your mom without your permission. the doctor also has no way of knowing you arent a virgin.
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