One of my very good friends is a personal trainer, and she's basically given me this advice: if you don't enjoy it because it's boring, don't bother. If you don't like it because it's hard, keep at it. That's what I've been doing and I've managed to make exercise a part of my life instead of just this punishing thing I have to do every once in a while.

If you're aiming to lose weight, don't limit yourself to cardio. Being on the treadmill for a half hour will burn less than 100 calories. If you were to try some strength training, though, you will put on some muscle which actually burns more calories. You'll also see better results with strength training. I haven't lost any weight, but I've lost 10 inches around and have doubled the amount that I can lift, whereas the cardio regimens I used to go on left me disappointed. It's also a lot more interesting and motivating.

Here are some suggestions for starters:

- Push-ups. Can't do regular push-ups? Do them on your knees. Can't do them on your knees? No problem, neither could I when I started. Start with wall push-ups. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hOUD4Gc79Eo Do 3 sets, going to failure each time. You can vary them by having your hands out wider than your shoulders or by placing them the way they were in the video.

- Squats and lunges. I can't say enough good things about squats. I hated them with a fiery passion when I first started doing them, because they're really hard to get the hang of. Then I started seeing results, and I love them. Just make sure your technique is correct. Do them in front of a mirror if you can. Try for 3 sets of 20, or go until failure each time. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p3g4wAsu0R4

- Dumbbells. You can do a few different exercises with these. To build muscle, aim for 3 sets of failure at 8 reps, and to strengthen without bulking aim for 3 sets of 12-15. If you can do more than 15, you need a bigger weight. Make sure to keep your shoulders back: visualize a pencil being pinched between your shoulder blades. That's how your back should stay. Some exercises are front raises: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ZS1Ae5n90M, side laterals: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X0qUJoAU8GM and shoulder presses: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kMWmQ30QIcg.

It is always good to get some cardio in, but it doesn't have to be the same ol' bike ride. Do you like hiking? Swimming? Skipping? Hitting a heavy bag? I've started trying to build up my ability to run, so I'm doing interval training every few days. Find your thing.

It's good that you want to start exercising. As I'm starting to learn, it can be a lot of fun and it does feel really good... when you're doing what's right for your body. Don't force yourself onto someone else's routine, but don't abandon moves because they're hard. As my trainer friend says, the hardest exercises are the ones you need to do the most!

You can't get him out of this funk on your own. There is absolutely nothing you can say or do that will lift it. This is something he has to do on his own.

Having been in his position before when I had a large depressive episode, I can tell you that he is making excuses, but only because people let him. He has no reason to change his behaviours right now. You're listening sympathetically to him complaining about his life and gently propping him up. Instead of having to put up or shut up, he's able to stay in the same situation and complain constantly: much easier for him, much harder for you.

Something I would strongly suggest for you is counselling sessions of your own. It's easy to get sucked into a partner's problems when there's mental illness involved, and the impact on the non-ill person is almost always overlooked. A therapist can help you learn to cope with your boyfriend's illness. It's stressful and agonizing watching someone you care about floundering like this, and you need to make sure that you don't stop taking care of yourself while taking care of his needs.

What he's doing right now is putting his problems in your lap. Thing is, you can't make his job better or solidify his future. He's got to stop complaining to you and make decisions for himself. The only way he'll do it is if you stop giving him reassuring cuddles whenever he goes into complaining mode. I know it's counter-intuitive, but be harsh. Next time he starts up, ask him what he's going to do about it. You can still provide advice, but you can't tell him what to do. He's got to figure it out on his own in order to start learning how to stand on his own two feet.

Be supportive and loving, but firm. Don't allow him to get sidetracked into a self-pity spiral. Tell him you'll be right there by his side should he take action, but while he's stagnating you're going to step back and let him figure it out. He'll very possibly get mad (goodness knows I do when my husband does this) but that can be good. If he can get angry, he can fight for himself. Fight is exactly what we lose when we're depressed. He's got to get his back.

We really need to know where you live to give you more information. Labour laws vary from country to country and even regionally within countries.

I would advise you to read over your employment contract, which you should have signed when you were hired. Most jobs have a probationary period lasting a minimum of 3 months, during which you can be fired (or quit) at any time with no reason required. This allows you to leave quickly, with no obligations, should you find better employment or if you don't find the job to your liking. It also gives the employer a chance to see how you fit into the working environment, see how you work and how you get along with your coworkers. After the probationary period, you're entitled to notice and any severance outlined in your contract, and the employer has to have a legitimate reason for firing you.

In the US, as adviceman says, they're considered "at will". They don't have these sorts of protections, so if you do live in an area that operates under these conditions, you are definitely out of luck.

You can contact your country/state/province's labour board for more information (most is available online) or you could try an employment help centre if you're still having trouble figuring it out.

Unfortunately, so long as the contract doesn't contradict the law, it will apply. There's no recourse in cases of unfair dismissal before the end of a probationary period. I know it sucks; I've been there before. It's just a case of moving on and trying to learn what you can from the experience.

Your boyfriend is being a jerk. Part of being with someone is standing by them, and he's not doing it for you.

I'm going to go through this point by point:

1) He's always late for his curfew because of you.

No. No he's not. He's late because he's late. You're not forcing him at gunpoint to stay out late. He's an adult making the choice to stay out later than house rules allow. You are not responsible, even if he is late because he's spending time with you. He has to man up and take responsibility. If you really want to shake things up, cut your dates short at 9:30. Make it so that he can't blame you at all.

2) You didn't call 911.

You panicked. Guess what? We all do. Don't kick yourself over it. Nobody ever sits you down early in life and makes you practice calling 911 in case someone jumps your boyfriend. We all make mistakes, especially if we're scared out of our minds. He and his family are wrong to blame you for this.

3) You're to blame for the assault.

If you're ruining the party by not being comfortable with drinking and smoking, then he needs to grow the hell up and learn how to deal with it. You have a right to feel comfortable and safe, and a guy whose first priority is "PARTY ON!" is not looking out for your best interests.

I'm not saying to ditch him. I'm just saying that he needs a serious attitude adjustment. This is the sort of crap I'd expect from a 16 year old kid, not an adult. You deserve to feel happy, safe and loved, and he's just not giving that to you right now. Don't feel like you're the problem. The changes have to come from him. It's up to him to man up and start acting like a grown-ass man, and it's up to him to tell his family that he's sticking by you. Your job is to keep being the wonderful, kind, thoughtful girlfriend that I'm sure you already are. Don't give the in-laws grounds to hate you, and the blame falls entirely on them.

Really, it all depends on how often the schedule is put out.

Ours is put out monthly. We need to give our availability by the 15th of the previous month. If we miss that deadline, it's our responsibility to find coverage. We don't really have restrictions on how often we can modify so long as nobody goes over their maximum weekly hours. If my manager notices someone constantly trading a certain shift, she'll move that person to a different day/time (after talking to them, of course!)

Depending upon how many people there are, how many hours you're given to work with and what the employee availability looks like, you might find that scheduling is more of a nightmare than it looks! Good on you for taking over, though, because there's nothing worse than a manager who refuses to accept availability requests.

The best way to get her to like you and keep her from being irritated with you is to be your own person. One of the most annoying things in the world is when someone tries to copy you entirely (as anyone with a younger sibling can attest!)

It's fine to want to be like someone, but you won't get there by copying... you'll end up looking like you're wearing someone else's personality. You admire her style, so find out what about it works for her. Does she have a way of accessorizing that makes her clothes pop? Is she super secure in herself? Figure out what it is that makes her so awesome, and try to bring that out in yourself, but in your own unique way.

Just because you like someone doesn't mean you should try to be them. You are your own person! Find out what makes you shine.

Only you can know if you made a mistake by having sex with him. If you care about him and you both enjoyed yourselves and nobody's moral boundaries were crossed, then no harm done in my eyes.

However, the fact that this was unplanned leads me to think that protection may have been overlooked. If you are going to be sexually active, you need to make sure that you're using multiple methods of protection. Condoms will help prevent sexually transmitted disease and a chemical birth control like the pill, shot or ring will help prevent pregnancy. You don't want to take any huge risks at this point in your life.

If you're questioning having had sex with him, be honest with him. Talk things out and see how he feels about the situation. If you don't feel that you two are on the same level, hold off on having sex again until you're fully ready.

I'm not sure if russianspy was being sarcastic, but I can assure you that what you take and how you learn it is very important in college.

Don't fill up your timetable with "easy" courses. The only person you screw over is yourself. We bust our butts and pay out the nose for post-secondary education: it doesn't make sense to fart around wasting that colossal effort in the name of grades. If you're truly enjoying what you do (and have some aptitude), then you know you're in the right program. If not, then it's time to rethink your major.

The best thing you can do right now is talk to your academic advisor (or whatever their title is at your school). This person's job is to discuss students' academic futures with them. Any questions you have about your post-graduate studies and how a bad semester will affect them will be best directed to them.

Next, I would strongly suggest setting up an appointment with a counselor. Most colleges offer free counselling to students, because it's something that a lot of students need. We're all under enormous amounts of stress at this time, and if you're used to being a high achiever a drop in grades can feel like the end of the world. A counselor can help put things in perspective and help you figure out strategies to minimize your stress.

You've still got some time before finals (I'm just approaching my last round of midterms now) so there's always room to bump those grades up a bit. It's time to form some good study habits!

1) DO NOT CRAM. Seriously, don't. You won't remember a thing after, and it's especially important in the sciences to understand what you're learning thoroughly because a lot of it is cumulative. Your best bet is to study thoroughly over a longer period of time. I actually recommend closing the books at least an hour before the exam and stopping studying for that time period. Anything you try to cram into your head at that point will fly right out again, and all you succeed in doing is stressing yourself out unnecessarily. Take the time to relax.

2) Partner up! If you don't belong to a study group, join one or make one. It helps to have people to keep you accountable and to help drill you on memorization or explain things you're having trouble with.

3) Find a good study space. Not your bed, not your couch. Go to the library if you find yourself easily distracted at home.

4) Keep distractions to a minimum. That means turning off your cell phone unless you're expecting an important call, and it also means staying off Facebook! If you can't trust yourself to stay on track, you can get software to block your usage of certain sites.

5) Find out what works for you. For me, it's taking well-organized notes and doing all the review problems I can get my hands on. For others, it's flash cards. I like to listen to melodic death metal while I study, but you might want total silence. Experiment until you figure out what your study groove is.

6) Don't neglect your body and spirit for the sake of your mind! Make sure that you take a little time each day for exercise, and that you're eating healthily and regularly. Maintaining a decent sleep schedule is also important to make sure you're functioning at your peak. Try not to pull all-nighters, because the returns diminish greatly after a few hours of sleepless studying.

Don't go leaping into decisions about the distant future quite yet. You're still passing your courses and you're only in your junior year, so there's tons of time to get your grades back up. Worst case scenario, you can retake a course or two if you feel you really didn't get it. You've got your whole life ahead of you to achieve what you want to achieve, so take some of the pressure off of yourself. You can do this!

I was like this in high school. It's really a matter of getting your sleep schedule on track, and it is possible.

Start by making sure you're getting exercise every day. I find that if I get at least a half hour of good exercise in, I sleep a lot better at night. Also, cut the caffeine after 2:00 in the afternoon. It can last way longer than you think!

Try creating a quiet time before bed. For at least half an hour before you go to bed, turn off the electronics. Phone, computer, TV, all off. Stick to quiet activities like reading (no homework though!). Try drinking a warm, non-caffeinated beverage like sleepytime tea as well. Don't take any sleep aids or you may form a dependency upon them.

If you go to bed and can't sleep, keep doing quiet activities until you drift off. Now comes the hard part! Wake up when you're supposed to, and don't nap. I know it's hard, but force yourself to stay awake. Eventually your body gets the message after a few sleepless days. Sleeping in spurts like you have been is a perfect recipe for exhaustion. You'll feel a lot better if you can get that under control.

If you're still tired after getting your sleep cycles under control, it's time to talk to your doctor. It's fairly common for teenage girls to be anemic, or it could be something else.

This is a very tricky one. Yes, you have a right to be upset that your boyfriend was saying all of these things. The way you went about getting the information was sneaky and underhanded, though, so don't be surprised if he turns the situation around on you.

It sucks that your boyfriend went off on you while talking to a stranger. It really, really does. The thing is, he was venting to someone who he thought had no connection to you whatsoever. That can be a safe zone at times, a place where you can say whatever crosses your mind without censoring yourself the way you have to when talking to a friend or relative. So what he was saying may not be what he necessarily feels... it might have been a harsher version that he hadn't fully thought out.

This seems to me like a prime opportunity for dialogue between you two. Open with an apology for leading him on like that and tell him that you want to take some time to discuss the conversation. Go over the major points and hear him out. Sometimes we need to change certain behaviours that aggravate our partners to keep a relationship going, and this is a good starting point.

I really don't think it's fair to him to break up with him without giving him a chance to explain himself. I also don't think it's fair to you to have to pretend you know nothing about this. Owning up to your mistake would be a big sign of maturity. His trust may be broken, but you're both at fault here.

If you're in a two year long distance relationship, be glad that all he's doing is masturbating. Many people in long distance relationships are worried about their partner's fidelity! If he's limiting his urges to himself, he's doing really well.

Honestly, I don't think it's possible (or healthy, for that matter) for a guy not to masturbate. It keeps things in working order and it keeps him from seeking release in other ways.


As for the porn, it's a masturbatory aid and nothing more. Most guys I know aren't particularly interested in porn, and are often even grossed out by it! It's just that their bodies respond to that sort of imagery.

The thing with your situation is that you're trying to control your boyfriend's behaviour. There are times when it's good to set firm boundaries, but this isn't one of them. It's his body and he makes his choices about what he does to/with it. It wouldn't be acceptable for him to force you onto a diet because it grosses him out when his girlfriend weighs more than 90 lbs, right? So telling him he can't touch certain parts of himself without you getting angry and sad is unhealthy control.

You can't force someone else to change their behaviour but you can change yours. You say he doesn't stop when he sees how angry and sad you are: have you thought about how he feels about the situation? He probably feels frustrated that you're not considering his wants and needs. So instead of getting upset with him, try to think about why he's making the decision he is and accept that there are far worse things he could be doing. Relationships are all about compromise: instead of your current rigid demand that he stop masturbating entirely, try being a little more flexible and working out some softer boundaries that both of you can be comfortable with.

If you take a tampon out too early, it's going to stick to the walls of your vagina. That means it will hurt a lot.

Make sure you always use the correct tampon for your flow, and always leave it in for the recommended amount of time (unless you have to change it earlier).

It's not weird or bitchy to tell him to back off on the sex front. You don't have to make it a huge deal when you tell him to stop humping your leg, but it does need to be said flat-out or he will keep on trying.

Try making a bit of a joke out of it. Next time he brings it up, you could counter with "What, I don't even get dinner first?" If he doesn't get the picture then, you could make it a little more serious and say "Hey, seriously. I don't just sleep with every guy who asks. A little effort to get to know me first would be nice."

We've all been there at some point or another, I think. Telling the guy you're on your period, or not in the mood, or OMG I just realized I have a huge assignment due tomorrow... it may seem a lot easier at the time but it doesn't work because the guy doesn't know for sure that you're not interested in sex right now. Skip the excuses and talk straight. If he's a cool guy, he'll understand. If not, then he's a jerk and doesn't deserve your time anyhow.

Your problem is called being in a long term relationship ;)

Everyone who shares a bed with someone for a long period of time experiences this. I know I do. It's weird how I can sleep perfectly fine with an elbow in my back, but the moment I've got the whole bed to myself it's insomnia city.

Something that helped me with that was getting a body pillow. If my husband is gone, I sleep curled around that. Even better is a dog or cat... they make excellent snuggle buddies!

Eventually you'll get used to sleeping without him sometimes. You just have to find your own groove.

Okay, I'm really not sure why everyone is judging you so hard. You're not a bad person, you're not stupid. You've made some bad choices, but you are the victim here. Don't feel bad about yourself because of what people are saying. You are no less a person because of your past actions. The last thing you need right now is slut shaming.

What you've been dealing with is sexual abuse. Your boyfriend doesn't love you if he's doing this to you. He certainly doesn't respect you. Neither do those other boys. You need help to get out of this.

The best people you can talk to are your parents. They love you more than anyone in the world, and while they may be incredibly upset, chances are they will do whatever they possibly can to help you. It might look like anger at first, but often what appears to be anger is really just fear.

With your parents' help you can find out if you're pregnant and find out what your options are. You should also be screened for STIs. Even if you used condoms, they're not 100% effective in prevention. Your parents can also help you with the next step.

You're going to have to go to the police. Those videos and pictures of you are child pornography. It's incredibly illegal to possess, distribute and produce it. Your boyfriend is breaking the law in doing this. In fact, all the boys involved might be, depending on where you live and what the age of consent is.

Before you say "I love him and don't want to get him in trouble" keep in mind that you have to live with this for the rest of your life. It's going to impact all of your future relationships and your attitude towards sex. Also, who knows where those pictures and videos have ended up? He could be selling them to grown men around the world. You will never know where they are, and you'll have to live with that forever. If you have to pay for his actions, why shouldn't he?

I strongly suggest that you seek counselling. Whether you're pregnant or not, you've been through some traumatizing stuff. A counselor can help you sort through the emotions involved and get you through to the other side.

Fortunately you're at an age where breast growth can be super rapid. I had a friend who grew 2 cup sizes overnight... literally!

If anyone does comment, you can just ask them since when they're so interested in the size of your chest. It makes them look stupid, and you walk away not having given any answers.

It's okay for you to have a crush. Goodness knows I had enough crushes on my teachers when I was growing up!

That said, your teacher is really toeing the line when it comes to contact with you. His actions could be interpreted as an overly friendly teacher looking out for a student who is new to the country, or it could be something more. Either way, it's not really appropriate.

I have had a professor of mine hug me when I was having a really bad day, but daily hugs are past the limit. You should tell an adult (your parents or principal) exactly what's happened. I know you like your teacher and don't want to get him in trouble, but he's behaving inappropriately.

If you feel comfortable saying no to the hugs, go ahead. It's great to have a special relationship with a teacher, but physical boundaries really shouldn't be crossed.

This is not a route you want to go down, and we can't legally or ethically point you in that direction. This isn't me judging you, it's me telling you the unbiased truth.

Sex industry workers are open to all sorts of hazards. They're at a high risk for violence, drug addiction and STIs. You would be putting your body, your mind and your life at risk every day. It might seem like easy money, but it's so dangerous and it's hard to leave once you start.

Besides all of this, you're underage. It's illegal for men over 18 to have sex with you, let alone pay for it. You could be arrested for prostitution.

There are so many other ways to make money at your age. Baby-sitting, dog-walking, cleaning houses, doing yardwork. Don't sell yourself into a life like that.

As an atheist myself, I would alter your claim somewhat before backing it up.

Religion is not a blight on humanity. The incorrect use of it is.

I have known many, many wonderful religious people. People who take the core principles of their religion to heart and try to live each day full of love for those around them. These people don't judge me for not believing what they do, and respect me as a fellow human being so long as I treat others with love and respect. We follow the same rules, with a different base. I believe in being good to people for the sake of making others happy and they believe in being good to people because their chosen deity wants them to make others happy.

What you're talking about are the people who turn belief, which is a perfectly nice thing on its own, into a weapon. People who take a religion where peace and love are its core and strip it down to a bare-bones set of rules. You follow the rules, you're in the club. Those people aren't what it's all about. They're misguided.

So religion doesn't cause problems in society. It's the people who use it as a weapon who are the blight. If religious leaders everywhere worked to help their followers understand this, the world would be a much better place.

Unfortunately you can't change what you dream about. The human subconscious is a crazy, crazy thing and can make us dream very strange things against our will.

With puberty oncoming and hormones flooding your system, you're probably going to experience some sexual dreaming. It happens to everyone. At least you have the benefit of being female... boys have nocturnal emissions when they dream like that, and it's no picnic from what I've heard.

You can absolutely not get pregnant from dreaming. The only way you can possibly get pregnant is if your genitals come in contact with semen. Period, end of story. Masturbation won't get you pregnant and sex dreams won't get you pregnant.

The worst you might have to deal with is a bit of laughter from your mother if she sees anything, but if it's any consolation it's pretty uncommon to move around a lot during deep sleep. If she hasn't said anything, she probably hasn't noticed anything out of the ordinary.

You could try looking up lucid dreaming, which is a technique that some people use to try to control their dreams. I've never used it myself, but there are those who swear by it. Otherwise it's just a matter of waiting until your hormones calm down a little bit.

My Personal Forum

My name is Amanda and I'm 26 years old. I'm currently studying electrical engineering. Armed with a fairly odd sense of humour and a sunny outlook on life, I'll take on just about anything. I'm also cussedly stubborn, which has its ups and downs. Things get tough sometimes, and I've never been one to run from it.

In my last 8 years with Advicenators, I've gone from honours student to failing out of university (and getting back on top again!), from single to married, from tenant to homeowner.

Until lately, I have been struggling with a diagnosis of bipolar disorder and OCD, which had basically ruined my life and taken just about everything from me. I'm thankful every day for every experience I've had because of this ordeal, because it's helped to make me who I am today. Things like that really make you appreciate what you do have. Now that I'm back in work and school and starting to become myself again, I couldn't be happier. I credit Advicenators with saving my life back when I was a teenager, which is a big part of why I'm still here.

I won't necessarily give you the answers you want to hear, but I'll always be honest and do my best to help.

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