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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

advice

So, I'm going to univeristy for the first time this September. My parents want me to go out and get a job for the summer to save up money. My grandparents also want me to go to Italy with them this summer to visit my great grandmother. I've never seen my great grandmother before, and apparently she wants to meet her only great grandchild she hasn't seen before. My grandparents want to pay for my plane ticket, but that's expensive, and I can't let her do that. What should I do?

Ask yourself these questions:
Realistically, how much money could I earn this summer?
How much would that total amount really help me with school this fall. Unless it's an ongoing job throughout your attendance of school, the little earned in 3 months isn't going to cover you for long or very far.
So the issue is a trip to Italy or working instead.
What if there is another possibility?
I assume the parents don't have much money to spare and money will be tight either way once you go to University.
You need to decide for yourself how important it is to you to meet your great grandma. SHe is way old and not going to live much longer, you might luck out but she may not be alive once you finish your years of schooling and money will still be tight, not enough to afford going over yourself so you'd have to start working assuming you can get a job in your field with your degree and save up to afford the trip some years later later IF she's still alive. So depending on if its a 4 yr school and a couple years to save up, it could be 6 to 8 yrs or more before you could go and I am pretty sure that the possibility she's still alive is going to be very very slim.
This is pretty much a once in a lifetime event and opportunity. You will not have another chance. Great Grandma may be very disappointed to not see you if you choose to work instead. But she can get over it. Her life is at its end and yours is just starting, Your decision needs to be make for what is best for you and your future and how much going or staying is going to impact your future.
So staying home and working: I see it possible that the only impact to you is living with constant regret that you never went. This is your history, where your family comes from and you may never again in life have an opportunity to see another country once out of school, working, getting married and having kids. For example, why aren't your parents going. They must have had time to ask for vacation time and to save up for it? Our so called obligations once we're long out of school and doing the daily grind as an adult, sometimes keep us from being able to take a trip like this either due to financial reasons or simply mental ones, due to our thinking ourselves out of it thats its not so important and a waste of precious money.
There is no price that can be put on the value of a human being, we are all precious for simply being or as in great grandma's case, for simply still being.
Your grandparents don't have the same kinds of things that tie up their money and while they may not have much money, they probably live on lots less and need a lot less than they used to and seeing their relative one more time when they are already elderly themselves means there is a different perspective causing them to do so. For them, it comes down to the amount of time vs the amount of money. Money comes, money goes, but time left for living doesnt come back again, it goes for good at some point.

Here's another way to look at this. Many young folks before going to Univ, decide to travel the world for cheap cus they know once out of school and paying off a school loan, its going to be much harder to impossible. Seeing it as their only chance, they bike around Europe, take trains and live in hostels or camp to have the chance to do this. You already have plane ticket covered and a place to go to once there and won't have to worry about meals or such. Choosing to go doesnt mean Univ. is any less important.
Some kids even work Full time for a year to save up, not 3 months, delaying the start of Univ. until a year later. That way if a car is important to them, they've been able to save up for a reliable older model that they can pay for in a lump sum or have money for Univ.
If money is that tight that you must work before going to school, ask yourself if you are willing to work a year and delay school a year if possible. Nows the time to decide. If school can't be switched out a year, then you have to look at how much 3 months income is really going to help once school starts. Is it to pay for textbooks, to go toward dorm costs, transportation cost, the occasional eating out or movie cost? What exactly is this money supposed to cover? And can you go without or scrimp in the beginning if you will need to be working PT during your entire going to Univ.? We cant make this decision for you but these are things to think about. Your parents may not be happy with your decision but they also don't need to live with the personal financial or emotional stress of it. You're their child and they want what they think is most important for your future, however they are looking at it only from a financial aspect. Good luck.

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Okay, 28/f. He's 27. We've been together for a bit more than a year...

We were fine... but then we weren't. I started to want more than he could/would give me. When I brought my needs to him, he wanted to try to do everything he could to change and fight for the relationship.
But the problem is... I think I'm just done. Not only did I say I loved him first, but he didn't respond. I had to ask him to say it six months later, after dream after dream where I heard him say it, and woke up to realize he hadn't. I know that he tried to show me (and to me, yes, actions DO speak louder than words), but... When I'm physically with him, I'm happy and I think things like "THIS is right. Cuddled up on the couch, comfortable, talking..." But when we're not physically together, it's like the spell is broken and it no longer feels right. We didn't have sex for more than a month until we had makeup sex after the first time I tried to break up with him...
This is the first relationship I've ever had where I wasn't being abused in some way. He's done NOTHING wrong. I mean... well, he's done a couple dumb things. But to be fair I'm his first serious relationship since high school...
I just... I feel so selfish. I love him and I want a future with him, but he needs to grow up first. If I'm not happy and thinking like that, it's not fair to him, is it?
We both lost our jobs this past year. When he lost his job, he picked up a bunch of hobbies and started playing community soccer more often. He has no idea what he wants to do with his life. When I lost my job, I became more driven to succeed in my field - that's another thing.
He's a brilliant human being. But he doesn't even have a Bachelor's degree yet, and I'm starting a doctoral program in the fall. Granted, he started a program recently, but he's taking on-line classes and doesn't know what he wants to do with it.
I feel like he's still trying to start his life, whereas I feel like I'm halfway through mine.
How do I explain this? How do I justify this? I don't know how to understand it myself.

Is this even right? Am I as selfish as I feel? Do I end my first not-harmful relationship over being in different places in life? Do people do that? Is that a reason to end it?

Is there a reason to stay? :(

the best that I can pull something out of what you wrote is that whether you realize it or not, you have a picture in your mind, an ideal of what he needs to be like to qualify to be your partner, a standard you have in mind that he must meet to be perfect for you. While I am one for having a written or mental list of what you are looking for in a partner and using it to compare the guy you meet, right at the beginning in first couple dates, my list contains the major needs, the deal breakers if not present, not the small stuff that one can choose to live with.
You have needs and you have wants for such a list.
A need for example is : a guy with same religious beliefs, who does want children like you, or if you like to drink, not someone who is an ex alcoholic who would be tempted when you do, or like myself, allergic to cigarette smoke so I couldnt be with a smoker.
A want is more like the icing on the cake, nice but not necessary, something you can live without like preferring a blonde but he's brunette, preferring someone who is artistic, he's not, someone with a fancy degree, he's just a hard worker with a good income. Some things are worth holding out for and not settling for less while other things are nice, may even be hobbies or dear to you but he has no interest. You are the only one who can really weigh the differences and decide, Do I have all or almost all the must have's on my list? Of the wants/preferances am I getting all, none or a few. Remember, for most of us, a want is compared to a like, a favorite thing and may be at the top but that doesnt mean we don't like any of the things that fall lower on the totem pole.
You wanted to know if how you are thinking is fair to him, probably not but I don't really know him to know from experience of being older and around longer whether there is serious issues about him you didnt mention cus you simply dont see them as such.
Then again, there are the things that with your awake/concious mind you may not like, but what really bothers you at a subconscious level, you aren't really aware of at the awake level. This is when it gets complicated and depending on how deeply both of you are invested into the relationship, you may require a third party to help you see what the real issues are. A relationship counselor may help. Lots of people never have a great desire on a particular area to go after a degree in school. This doesn't mean a person is without talents. There are many people with awesome talents and abilities in the world who never get the recognition for it like the famous few, their only recognition comes from those who know them closest, their mate, their family. This feeling of being halfway through your life means that before you're 60, your life is over? Life isn't over until you take your last breath and that can be at any age due to illness, accident. You could die tomorrow in a car accident or from old age in your 80's, 90's. The scale used to judge your own life can't be used to measure up the next person.
Do all people go through puberty exactly at the same time? No, a few are earlier, most are the same time and a few are late bloomers. Some people find their niche in life earlier like you, although I have a feeling that once my age, in looking back, you'll feel that you also were only in the beginning stages at this age. SOme people find their place in life later, like myself.

Loss of both jobs is enough emotional turmoil to cause stress and not able to concentrate or see things fully. Any major decision making like this relationship shouldn't be done at a time like this. What you both did once losing jobs says you both have a different way of dealing with the stress of that. Doing something physical like a sport may be his stress relief path and its works for him but wouldn't for you. So perhaps your way of dealing with stress is to suppress it or otherwise occupy your mind with more studying and applying yourself educationally with is engaging your mind, a mental path to dealing with stress.
I don't see how having these kinds of difference is a bad thing at all.

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I'm having trouble orgasming an I'm not sure why anymore. I'm having trouble making the connection that I have had one. I start to feel it start to get hot sweaty breathing heavy and all twitchyand when I'm just about to or think I'm about to I completely lose it. Nothing more happens after all that. Nothing comes out. I don't ever feel like it was a go I d release. How do I fix this?

Since I dont know your sex or whether you even have a sex partner or are masturbating regularly, I will need to cover a few things that may not even pertain to you.

Sometimes, the problem with orgasming is due to ones sexual system basically going to sleep from lack of stimulation. A psychologist friend once told my husband this, warning him that in between partners to keep masturbating because a guy can slow down and eventually go to sleep. More often than not, once a man is unable to have orgasms anymore, and I am not talking about ED, it never comes back. Females can go to sleep also but in the future with the right lover, if she isn't masturbating too, she often can return to fully functioning. This is why it is so important to keep some sexual activity going, the more often the better, especially as we grow older.
This is not to be mistaken for lack of desire. The desire and want can be there, even getting close, but unable to orgasm.

It is still a good thing to see a medical dr. to see if beyond lack of consistant use, that there isn't another medical issue.

Other than this physical problem, there is the mental one. Perhaps we want it so bad, but deep down, our subconscious is suffering from some kind of stress, problems/issues other than sexual between partners can have an affect too.
The brain is known to be our greatest sex organ. Think about it a minute, this is why men can be dreaming about having sex and wake up to find he had an orgasm without his sexual organs stimulated in any way other than mental. Or women when reading a graphic sex noval or watching a movie can get really wet and ready for a partner who isn't there and a few can even have a orgasm this way, without touching herself.

You probably have an inkling which of the two may be more likely your problem. Just in case you are one who has a sex partner who gets it as much as you want by the ability has been to decline, this too can be linked to brain, thoughts, especially emotions. If on a scale of 1-10, your sex partner fall on a 8-10 there as far as being sexual equals, both wanting the other, then there'd be no problem. For 5-7s some of the time there would be little issues, but if your sexual comoatibility runs about 1-4, then you're not with the right kind of person where deep down your subconscious is happy with your sexual situation and partner. I was mismatched in first marriage and didn't have my first orgasm by a partner until in my late 40s. Before that I masturbated because as partners, our pheremones were so far different, neither of us inspired passion and desire in the other. So to go through it mechanically just to do it for the release without enjoying the person and the whole process became more a chore than a pleasure and stress relief outlet. That made it very difficult to orgasm at times. Then also, as we get older, our bodies slow down and some due to age can experience issues also. Women going thru menopause and afterwards are told to expect things to not necessarily be the same, vaginal dryness and lack of desire are common but not every person gets that. I'll use myself as an example, since I went thru menopause, I may have occasional dryness which lube helps. But I used to be able to do the female version of ejaculation everytime, gushing as some call it. Now I am lucky if it happens once a week, tho I may still orgasm without that. And then I'd have a week of nothing but orgasms and the next week, it feels good but like you stated, you get so very close and nothing happens. I know due to my age that this is age related and I keep up the activity, taking what I can get and its all pleasureable, just not maybe the stress relieving potentcy of an orgasm.

If you have a partner and both love sex and it's just getting to a point where even though its good, you're not orgasming, a fun thing to try for couples is Tantric Sex. There are books, videos and classes on the subject so just check around. My take on it is that the exercises you go thru, and the slower pace, taking time to build up connection, excitement and retraining the brain to become more involved.
If you still have problem and its not getting better, and Dr. has cleared you on physical issues, then it may be time to go see a sex therapist.

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I have been struggling with skipping breakfast, lunch and trying to eat as small of a dinner as possible for almost two years. I lost 20 pounds got praise and felt great but now people have realized how I've done it and are concerned they want me to eat but i'm afraid I'll gain back the weight that made me chubby again and I have no idea what to do!

I will say ditto to what Adviceman said. And theres probably more of us who would want to state the same but why repeat it all a dozen times.

What I will state is the one and only time I have seen people eat smaller meals and skip one meal sometimes is senior citizens. At the end stages of life, we don't need the same amount of food because we aren't still young and growing, or in child bearing years.
Being chubby and wanting to lose weight is admirable but not the way you are going about it.
There are 3 different body types, and it depends on the kind of metabolism you were born with. Some have a high metabolism that burns up fat and energy quickly, and these people do not need to do hardly any exercise, some stretching, walking and riding a bike is all they need. Then theres people with a moderate need to exercise who do all i mentioned already plus have to do something more strenuous a couple times a week in exercise. And lastly the people with a slow metabolism, which means if your body doesnt naturally just eat up all the calories itself, the only thing left to do then is tons of exercise. My husband is like that. He's been going to a gym but even so, the lbs are slow to peel off which can be discouraging to some. These types of people need to work with a dietician in establishing what is a proper diet for their metabolism and body type and what weight range is normal for body and age bracket. You just may need more than just a healthy 3 meal diet that is right for you but also an exercise regime and what kind and how much. I would advise talking to your Dr. asap. That way you can get on a healthy plan to keeping yourself at a reasonable weight before gaining it back. But not eating at all or eating tiny amounts is not the norm for people and as said, it can be deadly in the end.

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My sister has been a very messy person her whole life. She has three little kids and their house is awful. There is stuff everywhere. Laundry, toys, dishes, shoes, food...It is too the point that she has had worms growing in her house in a few spots. The house stinks of mold and BO. The bathroom is a mess. You cannot see the floor and it smells like urine. I hate even going over to visit. She has been talked to several times about this and many of us (family) have gone over and cleaned the whole house to help her out or so that she can just focus on upkeep but she does not. Its not a hording issue, its a laziness issue. She does care what people think because she says is always making comments about cleaning or trying to clean or that it offends her that people wear their shoes in her house. But every comment ends with her being the victim or being hindered in some way. I have made many comments to her over the years, as have other family members, but she just gets offended and ignores us.

My husband and I moved away and are going to visit in a few months and she moved into a bigger house and wants us to stay with her (we usually stay with my parents). She has expressed a few times to me that it is important to her that I stay with her. Since her house is bigger I assumed it would not be as bad. However, from what I hear it is as bad as ever. To the point it makes your stomach hurt when you walk in the door.

I am not sure how to tell her that although I want to come stay with her while we are visiting, I also have a husband and small children to think about. I am not comfortable exposing them to that even for a short visit let alone stay there. Any advice on how to talk to her about this? She is extremely sensitive and cries and gets angry easily.

she has problems, maybe emotional ones from what I have read is the source of lots of hording people.
But there is nothing you can do to change her. that is up to her to recognize she even has a problem and then to want to do whatever it takes to get better. ONe can't help a horder get better by cleaning up for them or being willing to come over and visit. I have relatives by marriage who invited us to stay with them when we came back into town to get re-established here. The place was as messy as you state, and in my opinion, a health hazard. I couldn't breath barely once I walked in the door. All the 4 kids were always sick with runny noses when non of the kids in the neighbor who came to play outdoors were sick and this was middle of summer, and no, they dont all have allergies. By time we left, we were both very sickly and not doing well. And I believe the worms part. She washed kids clothing without checking them first cus one child put all sorts of strange things in his pockets and another pooped in his clothes...a 3rd grader, and she thought perhaps that tossing it in as soiled as it was, it would get clean. She said I could add a few things of my own to the load but i had no idea there was poop in that load. Ut wasn't until we heard something that sounded like marbles bouncing in the dryer, my husband went to check and it was dried balls of poop. This is a very unhealthy environment as you well know and as a parent, you shouldn't even be weighing the kids health vs. keeping your sister from being upset. Your kids come first. So take the advice you heard from Razhie, you've stayed with the parents before and that works so that is end of story.

Your sister already knows everyones stance on how she keeps the house and logically knows that you will not stay with her. By her asking you why you didn't come over to stay with her instead, she is putting you in a position to have to once again state why...the condition of her home. So her question really doesnt deserve an answer. If she does ask, don't answer, just smile and ask her a question, and change subjects. If she accuses you of changing subjects, you say, "Yes I am because there is nothing else to be said on the subject. Heres a couple other things from my own confrontations with others on this. If accused that you don't love her then...the answer is simply, "I love you but I don't love how you keep house and I am in good company. It is possible to love a person but not love something they do." If she still complains, you might add, "Even Churches share that same principle when they say that Jesus loves sinners but doesn't love the sin. If that is how you choose with your free will to decide how you will keep house, then I have the same right to make choices I am happy and okay with. You don't get to make your own choices and believe I should not able to make my own.
If our fussing over this in the past has hurt you, I'm sorry about that. But think about it,our throwing a fuss didn't change your mind. Please respect that your fussing right now about my decision where to stay is likewise not going to change my mind. So lets just call this a stalemate and move on.

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I caught my step brother what do I do !?

Okay so I lived with my Dad, because my mom didn't want anything to do with me. So he started dating this women, and she had 2 kids. Finally they got married and I was forced to move in with them. I had to leave all my friends, family...etc. Anyways I already have step brothers that live with me. A couple of months ago my dad sadly passed away and I was still forced to live with my step mom because like I said my mom didn't want any thing to do with me. So her 2 kids names are Van(16 yrs old) and Tayler ( 15 yrs old). We have a big family because I have other step siblings so I was forced to share a room with Van and Tayler. So heres what happened. Last night Van snuck out to a party and to meet his girlfriend. I didn't want to have anything to do with it so if he got caught I wasn't covering for his ass. So around 3 am they both came in. btw I share a bed with Van. I think they thought I was asleep but I wasn't. I could tell they had been drinking but anyway he came in and she sat down on my bed. then he came up and they started making out ew gross. So I decided to try to go to bed. I fell asleep for a little bit but when I woke up they were having sex right beside me on MY BED ! it was the most disgusting thing I ever saw I was freaking out inside. Finally I got up and said can you guys do that somewhere else. Yet they proceded with having sex. The next morning she left and I was getting breakfast and Van was down there and was staring at me with a bad look. I said What? then he said Your Dead. He chased me all the way up the stairs and I locked the door and hid in my closet. I can still hear him banging on the door and I'm scared. Should I call my step mom and work and tell her about last night and about what he is doing or what? what should I do!?

He's trying to bully you into being scared so you won't share what he did with step mom. I can't know to what extent he may go to harm you but regardless, the stress of wondering when he may make good on his threat to harm you is at the very least going to make it hard for you to focus and over time your studies would suffer. So I agree with everything Adviceman said. Tell her, tell school officials too. Because they are her blood sons, she may or may not believe you, thinking you're just jealous of them or acting out now because of your Dads death...lots of grieving doesnt happen at time of passing but some time after it comes out and can be evident in people not caring if they get in trouble, so basically getting into the wrong crowds and doing the wrong thing. She may not believe so I believe if you tell anyone at all, tell school counselors and keep telling them and asking them to do something on your behalf to protect you. You may be reading this long after step bro quit and took off but this kind of behavior shows who he is deep down inside at this point in life. There is more of that where what you saw, came from. Hopefully he'll mature as an adult but that doesnt help right now so even if this is a day or two after the event, it doesnt matter, he broke the rules, and he threatened you. Still tell school and Mom. If he continues to pick on you, you could tell the school that you are serious that this matter has you spooked, that you really don't want to go home and would rather not go out on the streets. And tell them if they can't intervene, to give you a number to the closest teen safe house for the next couple of days or however long it takes CPS to look into this. CPS must see evidence of something wrong before they take a young kid out of the house. They may have to make several visits before anything helpful to you is done about the situation but don't give up cus the squeaky wheel gets greased. Or in other words, the person who continually complains to everyone they meet and keeps it up 24/7 is eventually going to get officials to take action no matter how busy their case loads because frankly, someone is beginning to get on their nerves and the only way to stop your complaints is to solve your problem for you.

Since step Mom's not even a blood relative, you may want to stress being placed with a relative other than your Mom who doesnt want you anyways. That would be almost as bad. Maybe not a physically threatening environment as with the step bro but it would be an emotional one. If a grandparent is the only option as there are no aunts and uncles or even older cousins who are now adults, then even though they are older and it may not be long term, at least you should be able to get to your adult years and able to look after yourself.

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What should I do this summer???????

Not knowing anything about you, thats a bit hard to come up with things that would interest you.

If you are not old enough to drive, hopefully there is bus service or even places to go by bike.

Sometimes, it is the stuff you like, hobbies and such that are so predictable, you already know how its all going to go so it already feels daunting and boring to have nothing but focusing on your hobbies this summer.
It may be better to focus on starting a new hobbie and depending on the hobby some involve more time or less, more money or none. If not a new hobbie exactly, is there anything you've been somewhat interested in trying a goal like say learning how to swim. If swim lessons can't be afforded, perhaps there are several friends who would teach you. Maybe you play an instrument as do some of your friends. Why not practice together and come up with your own set of songs and put on some backyard concerts as a group of people I know for whom music wasn't their main income source. They asked that people make a donation to an animal shelter they had chosen to be able to attend. This way you find out if you have enough interest to get better and hopefully get some gigs for pay later. Anything where you can earn money to do the things you want like go to a lot of movies this summer is great. Depending on your age, it may not be formal jobs that normally hire teens at 16 or so. Then you need to be creative, maybe team up with one other person to have company, offer your services to cut lawns and do weeding, or the two of you get enough dogs to take for walks daily,. These aren't just kid jobs, there are plenty of adults who do this for a living but its cheaper for the elderly to have teens rather than a profession established company do this. Want to be outdoors more? Set up a bike riding club with other teens with nothing to do this summer. Plan your trips. I remember one I did with a youth group all the way a rather long lake in my city and it took an entire day to complete.
As for hobbies for girls, there is trying your hand at crocheting...lots of teens are into that right now or were at the time my girls went to HS and college, get together with some girlfriends and watch the you tube videos on creating fancy braided hairstyles. But there are guys who like some of those things too. How about radio controlled planes, boats or cars. I have seen people past college age still into this hobby but it takes some money.
Or something with no cost like going on a day hike every weekend. One daughter did that, joinin a hiking club and people from elderly to college age would pick her up to have a hiking partner in case something went wrong and gave her a ride to start point and back home. The options are limitless and it takes some time to come up with ideas. And you aren't limited to one but may do a combination of this. Of course I am from a different generation before cells and pc's but I found plenty of things to keep me busy, like babysitting and earning money. Getting paid to pick berries for people who wanted enough to make a pie or two, bike riding, painting, going to beach, photography, etc.. Parents of younger school age kids may need a babysitter and theres a way to earn money again.

But like I said, I dont know you so its hard to come up with things that would work for you. For all I know, you could live in the boonies and have a disability that makes it hard for you to do some of these things.

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Hey i am 17 yrs old....so i began to have a regual menstrual cycle at about 13 or 14 when it started at 12 it was not regular and ever since it became regular i have not missed it. Now however i missed one month and i in the second month and i may not have it . I don't know if this occurred because about four months ago i stop eat all meats but before i only ate fish and eggs as meat ..., i am nervous because i dont talk to anyone about things like this and i am nervous....i lost a little weight which i am going to get back so i started back eating meat but not everyday .... Help please and how can i gain some weight quickly... Oh and i forget i am studying for my last exam in hs so i was wondering if this was a reason ....for my two months of exams (the first month being the time i disnt have my period) i had no energy what so ever ...i took vitamin b tablets....help please..., there is so many reasons and i dont know which it is ....is it the lack of sleep....studying hours or diet

It could well be a combination of things. While your body may be mature enough to have a reproductive cycle and become pregnant if you so chose, your body is not yet done growing, the changes are subtle, you've probably reached your height and bone structure size but the muscles and such can still be filling in.

Diet: I know vegans who eat no meat or byproducts from animals. they range in ages from young to seniors and they are all naturally very skinny people, but healthy due to their diet.
Vegetarians who eat no meat but do eat more of animal by products like eggs, milk and cheeses, may not be a skinny but they have a bit more weight on them in general from what I've seen with vegans.
I am a part vegetarian. Used to be fully so. But I eat fish and chicken and stay away from red meats and I try to get plenty of veggies and fruit and I am smaller but have gained weight as metabolism slowed.
Most likely with your partial protein diet, you are getting enough protein. The bigger concern which happened as I was older, females lose iron through the loss of blood monthly in periods and my doctor caught that I was low on iron cus didn't have enough iron in my diet.l So while iron may be a health issue, loss of it didnt stop periods. So I don't think it is diet related. Read up on line if you wish what foods are higher in iron and perhaps take supplement as well. The only exception would be a female who is seriously anorexic, not enough nutrition intake for energy to go to the support of vital organs and ones reproductive system so the latter gets cut out of the loop, no more periods until something changes for the better nutrition wise.

The same is experienced by some female athletes who are so into training for what they do that they have unintentionally rewired their body by the amount of exercise they do, so that all nutritional energy going in goes to muscle build up and endurance first and little or nothing to periods. Check out female body builders personal stories or ice skaters. Often, most do not have a period.

So the last thing is stress. Well, it is stressful already to not get the needed nutrition but I am talking of mental stress. Worry and such. SO in your case, the concern and worry over two months about tests and finals is very well able to delay a period. the same goes for it you are currently ill with a flu or other virus or just getting one or at the recovery end. Like a budget that is too tight, and money is taken from another budgeted item to cover an unexpected bill, our bodys pour all energy into fighting the germs and getting better and for a while after, we may s till be depleted and what energy would go into producing a period will stop it. Of course these stops shouldn't be going on longer than a month or two because the stress factor is always a short term thing that crops up.
And you mentioned sleep, each body needs sleep, some more than others to function well. What you require at 17 may not be what you require when 37 or 67. KNow your own body and if you have issues with the amount of sleep you are getting, its an easy fix to get more sleep and see it the stress of lack of it was the issue.
There is no reason why a teen who isn't sexually active can not be examined by a gynecologist. there are the seldom period related issues that can come up regardless so if a 3rd months comes where you don't have a period, you should go see your doctor. Something could have happened to your hormone level that only intake of hormones will fix and bring back your period, and they can check for low hormones. But all in all, it doesnt sound like anything really bad, especially if you are not experiencing any great pain as well in the region, something my doctors always asked if I had ever experienced there.

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I have really curly hair. I use a ceramic straightner and Garnier Frutis Sleek and shine serum but my hair frizzes up. I barely use heat. This is the second time and my hair won't stay straight. I want it to be really straight.

I don't know what race you are, but my niece is mixed race and part black, when she got to her teens, she tired of her curly long hair that was always in ringlets. I thought it was the most beautiful thing but she wanted straight. So my sister resorted to the many products on the market made to relax the hair. Any beautician or person with knowledge of the type of hair black people have, most likely will be able to point you in the direction of a good hair relaxer.

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I really want new friends because my old friends were kinda jerks but I'm not very good at starting and keeping on a conversation. HELP!

People like to talk about themselves so ask people things that can't be answered with a yes or no. This way they can tell stories about themselves or share things they've heard or seen.
Find common ground in a conversation opener sentence.
If in the same class, same teacher, ask what they thought of the teachers new hairstyle, how they did in a certain test.
If at the store going thru sales racks and another person is there, hold up a top you like the style and color of and ask, do you think this looks good? Or I like this but its not in my size, can you keep an eye out for one in such and such size.
Oh let me see what you have picked out.

Once you get a response to your initial sentence, try for any story you know that may be remotely related, like the time grandma was with you at the sale rack and something funny that happened.

The next best thing to getting a person to talk about themselves or share from their vast array of personal stories, is to get a person smiling or laughing.
You can compliment a person but be sure it is genuinely how you feel cus If you say you just love her shoes and she does become a friend and remembers that, what do you do if she gifts you a pair when you actually hate it. Always be genuine with compliments and yes, its okay to compliment strangers, they are only people you dont know or havent befriended yet.
Sometimes I share real stories and sometimes I will take a little truth and add to it, never mentioning names of others but always try to tell a story that is funny.

The objective here in starting and keeping conversations going is to give the person a good chance to find out if they like you or not and want to be around you. People like to be around others than make them feel good. So if you make them smile and laugh, ask them to tell their own stories and talk about themselves, and compliment them, about 95 % of people will react positively to that and want to continue talking with you and being around you. The very few who don't are just the hermit types who dont like getting close to anyone. Leave them be and dont feel bad if you do come across someone like that cus its their choice of lifestyle and its not you or something you did.

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Hi everyone! Recently I have noticed that I am starting to hate my best friend whom I've known for a decade. Reasons
1. She is the only person I communicate with. We chat, talk on phone and hang out daily.Everyone used to joke''Hey,Lena your boyfriend has come''(meaning her). It's like my whole world was my job and my bf. My mom always warned me she would alienate me from my other friends and she was right. She can't stand any other friend next to me constantly telling me about their flaws. As a result I am alone without people I refused to hang out with choosing my bf instead.I have no friends or boyfriend. She's magically made herself my entire world.
2.However, she always has exciting news to tell me about her life and guys who are interested in her. And I don't.Yes I am a bit jelaous bc it seems she lives her life to the full and I don't.I live HER life instead!I'm always a listener.
2.She used to give bad remarks on my appearance when she noticed I felt confident and she didn't. She acts and acted too egoistic taking all the attention(especially when it comes to guys)and making me feel like a second choice.(not sure if intentionally though)
3.In childhood she didn't try to back me up when one of our ''mean girls'' tried to make fun of me. She even joined her. Sounds silly but I still can't forget it though years have passed.

Now I don't answer her calls neither I reply to her messages. And what's interesting? I feel so relieved and fresh as if a burden fell off my shoulders. I don't want to be mean to her though or hurt her feelings.I am not sure if my decision is right. I want to avoid her without hurting her deeply.After all there were really lovely and funny days we spent together and she often would tell me she loved me a lot.I did too but now I am really exhausted and tired of her emotionally.I get stressed and anxious whenever she contacts me.

Of course, there are other minor things that make me do so..I can't express them with words.
Anyone who had a similar experience or can give me solid advice,please express your opinion.

Sorry for a long post and thanks beforehand everyone for your replies.

The post isn't long compared to how I write. I do appreciate all the details as its harder to answer those who dont and why I tend to have to answer to several different scenerios.

This sounds like two things to me. First, a low self confidence or esteem which I picked up on from your statement "She used to give bad remarks on my appearance when she noticed I felt confident and she didn't.

No matter what one person is lacking in themselves or beleives themselves to be lacking, instead of gaining what they lack by admitting they feel this way and working on themselves, people tend to go what they feel is the easier route, to make those around you who ARE confident to feel lower than you by tearing you down constantly. If she's been like this ever since you can remember, she's not about to change and this is a kind of behavior I will no longer tolerate in my life. Had this and more from an ex for 30 yrs. So I can't blame you for being tired of it, especially when the stress of it has you tied up in knots.

Secondly, she may for whatever reason need more attention than others or naturally be an astrology sign where a trait is a desire to be the center of attention. This means the person needs an audience, even if its an audience of one. Let me explain with a caregiving job I was given to help out an elderly woman around the house. She would first cut me down about my own skills so she could feel better and then she actually said, "Watch me. Watch how I do it and learn." I am a peace loving person and was willing to say "okay, I've got it now and I will do it your way." Anything from mopping to doing dishes, laundry, etc... But the moment I tried to step in, she physically shoved me aside and said, "No, I'm going to do this myself." One day is one thing but this repeated every day with her grabbing the broom or washcloth out of my hands and making me watch so I had nothing to do. And cutting me down about my abilitys along the way.
So I told my boss the details, that all the lady wanted me for was an audience, so someone would know she is still capable of doing things even tho she was getting old. I wanted to be somewhere that I could really make a difference helping. I didn't have to go back.

The thing about stealing all the attention when it comes to guys goes back again to low self confidence. She may get a lot of initial interest, by once the guys get a glimpse of what you've been living with for 16 yrs, they lose interest and avoid her so its not all so rosy in her court. If she was such a catch, she'd have had a long term boyfriend by now with other guys asking her to leave him and date them. That is not the case from what you said. I have heard of many such girls who will do whatever they can to even steal all new boyfriends away from their girlfriend, and not because they are interested in the guy for themselves, they just can't stand you getting the attention they want for themselves.
I suspect she would do well seeing a professional, perhaps a psychologist who works with odd behaviors like this to get to the root of how it started and help her improve thru therapy targeted at the thoughts going on in her head when she is doing this stuff, cognitive behavior therapy. It doesnt mean she's crazy or mental but her thoughts are very destructive and she targets them at you.
I read in a womans magazine an article that stuck with me, It said that we don't have a knight in shining armor who'll come save us from whatever. So we need to realize that we have to do that ourselves and realize we're not being selfish by having to think of ourselve first before the others, cus no one else has the power to change things in your life for better or worse, only you do. So this is act of considering/cutting her off, is first and foremost in your heart, intentionally an act to love yourself, protect yourself and that is a right we all have. You can't prevent people from being hurt or even understanding it as you do and realizing they need some professionanl help. Without help, to see what she is doing and without any desire to change for the better, she remains the same and will have no long lasting friends or boyfriends and may well alienate herself with coworkers and bosses life long and end up hopping from one job to another. I think thats what happened with my ex, always let go from many jobs. I didn't see it until just before a divorce, a professional saw him and I learned the ex had mental illness, another thing besides distorted thinking that can ruin any kind of relationship, with family, friends and people at work. Eventually someone gets tired of it and cuts that person off, not wanting to deal with them. Since there is nothing professional you can do to help her, I know its sad, theres lots of people like that I wish I could help, I feel you are making the best decision for yourself. You are not a mean spirited hard hearted person for taking this action. The fact you've put up with it so long actually highights your best traits, being very loyal, forgiving, loving and caring and this one act of cutting her out of your life means you are opening your chances to shower many many others with those traits rather than just one for whom it has no effect at all. There comes a time in our lives when we've given others enough chances to see how we operate by a set of higher standards and if they dont want to become more like us or are unable to mentally, then you have done your best. Yes, she may be pissed, as my ex was when I left. He even lied to people trying to make me look bad to them and one person he told was loyal to me and reported this back. Nothing she says or does can hold water when it comes to you. Those who really know you won't pay mind. ANd those so foolish they would believe her aren't worth having as friends anyways.
Good luck dear.

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Yes, so I'm kind of both... Both shy and outgoing... like I won't usually talk to a person first (if it's a random person like this guy), but if they were to talk to me, I'd be very friendly and act comfortable. So... how should I talk to him?

So was I when younger. So this shouldn't be extremely hard for you. To get over shyness and a fear of talking to people I didn't know or start a convo, I was told to start with smiling at, once perfected without any fears, I went on to saying Hi to strangers, a terrifying thing as I thought it would for sure encourage then to talk and then I'd not know what to say. From that stage, I went on to complimenting people I didnt know or have as friends, and lastly, start up a convo first by speaking on something similar, the situation we find ourselves in, i'll give examples. I know this doesn't sound like a fancy strategy but I recently came across it in a book titled, When Anxiety Attacks, so I understood perfectly how it works. What happens, is you go through a series of situations in which nothing bad as you may imagine ever happens. The worst we fear is making a fool of ourselves in front of someone who counts, like a prospective date or at a job interview. And also, we fear being rejected. This is the part about distorted thinking, where you know better and instead of dwelling on those negative thoughts, each time you find yourself thinking it, you give yourself pernission to only acknowledge the thought is there and then you counteract it with a positive one. The truth is, if you suspect the other person looks like they didn't understand or may be offended, that happens all the time in life but its how you look at it that changes the feeling of the situation into a more positive one. Heres where I try to put myself in the other persons shoes, if I were like them, maybe had low self esteem and took things personally, could I misunderstand and be ticked at what I just said to them. If I feel theres a chance that is the case, I begin to explain myself and what works best is to use yourself as the example and take the focus back off them so they can recover. like "I don't really know if you do that kind of thing, and I don't any longer, but I used to and I was just talking in general about how there is a way to overcome that issue, so if you ever want to hear more...." Something along those lines. Then about 2 in every 75-100 people I meet will automatically not like me, no matter I haven't ever talked to them yet or been around them. This is also normal. Its happened to me and if you can train yourself to not be shook up about it and lose your confidence, you can go a long way. I am not a psychologist but my best guess is they don't like the vibes coming off me, very friendly positive ones. If the person is a very negative type, they also won't like their negative vibes and be constantly sending them out to dump on others. Your positiveness is like a mirror that their negativity bounces off of right back at them so it makes them feel even worse and that scenerio is a true one of what happens between people and I just can't say its the only reason but you'll seldom in life have to be
concerned about meeting these kinds of people.

Another thing to keep in mind is everyones personal will and choices. We all have our favorite things in life and that goes over into what type of people interest us. You have a favorite color, food, music, books, etc and even a certain type of look that appeals to you in another person. Eventually we learn over time to go beyond looks and be concerned over personality traits that are most important to us as well as those in a guy you want to avoid. Just because you like a guy and he isnt into you does not mean that you will be perfect for another guy and he'll consider you to be his Queen or Goddess.
If you can tell yourself these things the moment you begin to worry about sticking your foot in your mouth, you'll actually be fine.

Heres one example of me talking to a guy I didnt know but had seen often at a coffee shop. As I walked past his table, I turned around and said, "Hey, as often as I see you here, it feels awkward walking past you and not being able to greet you by name. My name btw is......whats yours?" I noticed he was working with graph paper and asked him what he was doing next. People love to talk about themselves so always remember to ask questions other than how are you to which we're all programmed to respond Fine even if not. He went into detail on the studying he is doing to get into a coast guard job and I listened closely so I could ask further questions on anything I didn't understand of if I thought I understood, I put it in my own words asking if it was something like this.

Two days ago at a fast food restaurant, I saw an older guy with bags of scrap material cutting shapes out and putting double stick tape on the backsides. So I asked what he was making, and immediately he started up with how this was his way of giving back to the community, it was a craft for children and there is a great ongoing demand for his stuff so he continues to make it. He mentioned the 'pay it forward' attitude which he lives by as well as Christian principles all which I live by too so we then shared a couple short stories back and forth of when we'd be the recipients of that kind of help and giving and a time when we'd given it. Again, I asked him something about what he was doing. The other way to start talking would be to compliment a person and after they say thank you, have another thing thought up to say to keep the convo going. Like if you compliment on the outfit he's wearing, my choice of keeping the convo going, even if he's not doing much talking yet and I am doing most, at least I still have his attention focused on me longer. You say whatever came to mind that fits your personality. I would say, "Do you pick out your own clothes? If no or yes, you can comment, oh you have a good fashion sense, not all guys do, like my Dad or my uncle for instance. Or Your Mom chose well and it looks like a style you'd have picked out yourself. If he's quiet now, I might ask another question pointing at his shirt, so it that your favorite color, cus you wear it often. Whatever he answers, if he doesnt reciprocate, I might quickly add in, my favoriate color is .... and then look at my watch and state, well I've got things to do. Nice chatting with you, til next time then.
Don't drag out the conversation trying to hope he'll warm up to you instantly on the spot. If he's been crushing on you, he will jump at this chance and start talking with you but if he doesnt eagerly respond, either he still doesnt know you well enough to know if he'd even be interested in you that way or he knows he is not.
If he's not interested in you, he won't seek you out first, ever. Of if he sees you somewhere, won't greet you first before you do to him.
If he's not sure yet about you, then you don't want to go on too long in any convo cus he'll just be overwhelmed and immediately come to the conclusion, why is this girl all of a sudden talking to me when she hasn't before. I just know she's hoping to be my girlfriend or maybe is going to ask me out. Guys don't mind when girls ask, if they are already interested. If they just dont have enough info to know yet to be able to make a good decision then even if he guessed right, he won't be scared away to trying to avoid you.

You may want to practice getting over the awkwardness of you starting chats with others you do not know. If its someone whos already a friend, you will feel too comfortable and the deal is you're trying to get past feeling scared or uncomfortable while doing this. Start with females, then move on to males, in fact if the guy you like is nearby or with other guys, acknowledge them all by name in greeting or just a Hi guys. And then try to practice chat with one of his buddies. Let him observe you. If you can be funny or make a person laugh, laughing seems to bond people even easier. He will see that you are friendly with all people, not just hitting on him, you are relaxed, and outgoing, aspects of a personality that most people like. This gives him the chance to mull over the idea of what it would be like to date you.
Don't worry if you are younger than a guy. I've heard from plenty of girls in school who crushed on a guy a couple years older and got in with his buddies as well. These guys all liked and accepted these females, one into each group because for her age, she was very mature and didn't come across as a giggly kid. Guys are more comfortable with a girl if she is treating them like a best friend instead of a potential boyfriend. But amazingly, thats one of two important foundations for long term relationships like marriage. You've heard of people who complain about getting friend zoned. Sometimes it happens when the two become friends first and one secretly hopes for the romance and the other eventually grows in love with the other but wont make a move for fear of losing their friend and messing things up. There are ways to deal with that if it ever comes up. Right now, you focus on practicing with others.
Lastly, if you are nervous while talking with test subjects, admit it. Let them know you've been wanting to become more outgoing and able to talk to people and you apologize for going blank and not knowing how to respond or admit you're feeling a bit nervous. The moment you admit to being nervous or scared, those feelings actually go away. And no normal person has ever not felt awkward or scared at some point and can relate. YOu may feel like a fumbling idiot but if you got peoples opinions as I have when admitting I was nervous, I found almost everyone saying they admired me for having the guts to do something that was hard for them and yet they seemed to be popular or normal to me. I am always surprised to find out that the little I do is something big in others eyes. So dont worry or second guess yourself and go have fun.
If you have any convo's that don't go well and you want my feedback, write down asap what you said and they said as close as you can get it, exact words are important and you can write it to me here later...its all part of your learning. Since you are the type who warms up quickly once talked to, you're lots like me and I know you will be successful. If not with this guy, with another in the future.
s
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So, for my Gr 12 Prom,(dinner and dance) I am sitting at a table with my 4 best friends and this one really annoying girl. As in, the table seats 10, but after she joined, no one else wanted to sit with us.

Yes I know, we should be nice and all that, and honestly I have tried. I do my best to be as nice as I can. But seriously, this is prom. It only happens once. And there is no way she is going to leave us alone! I just want to be able to enjoy the night with my friends without someone extra butting in on our conversations, making them all about her.

She just has no appreciation for personal space, common sense manners, or other people's opinions. She won't take a hint, but if you outright tell her that she needs to tone it down/give you some space she will get really upset.

She takes over conversations, butting in to private conversations, and wants all the attention to be on her.

How do I enjoy prom night with my friends? I don't want to be rude to her, but I also would like to not spend the entire night with her yakking in my ear...

I am a bit confused. You first talk in current tense as if this was happening right now and you got out your cell to write us your question. Then at the end you ask how you can enjoy prom night with friends as if this hasn't happened yet.

She may be very predictable but then again this hasn't happened yet. If you get yourself so worked up over what might happen and likely will happen, then you could be in a miserable mood for your whole prom night,,, it's what others call 'being out of sorts) you're just not quite yourself.

Let me ask quickly if this girl were a guy instead, one you weren't attracted to but one who wants to be your friend and date you, you wouldn't tolerate him just because he is intent on winning you. It doesnt have to be just because someone is annoying that you dont want to assosiate with them, but the fact that you have very little in common and have no interest in their character or personality, whether it be a bad one, a good one or so-so. She could even be a really sweet person but the moment you force yourself on any other person, you are in the wrong. She can't make friendship happen by forcing herself. So if this is ahead of prom, warn her now, not the night of, that she seems to not have got the hint that you do not find any friensship chemistry with her And so you are requesting that from now on, she not seek you out, not even at the upcoming prom.

You and the friends could ask other couples to promise to sit with you so no other chairs are available. But as you know, something like that won't deter someone like her who needs an audience. The next step if she can't comply is to talk to one of the adult chaperones of your prom and let them know that someone you have asked to leave you alone is still pestering you and you'll like her removed from your table. That would be a start but you can't regulate whether she meets up with you at the snack table or ladies room, etc... While it may seem mean, you'd have to ignore her. There are personality disorders out there and things like aspergers syndrome where the person talks at you not with you, and there are those who simply crave the limelight and being center of stage. Some sun signs and personalities types are like this as I am guessing she may be and its not a disorder per se, but a real need to be in the spotlight and drawing all attention to herself. This is something you cant fix for her. She'll need some counseling or she's go through life turning away lots of potential friends because she can't make it an equal partnership between friends, all getting equal time to have their say or do what they want. Since she has this personality flaw, she is probably miserable and thats why she gets angry. You could also ask a school counselor ahead of time regarding your concerns with just this one gal. Mention how she had a real need to be the center of attention and will join you and friends and butt in and work to turn all conversation and focus back to herself. You dont like this behavior and don't want her ruining your prom night because of it. You don't want to be rude either but she never listens so all you can see is finding a way to avoid her. Ask what you can do if she comes to sit with all of you. Perhaps they will suggest you talk ahead of time to whomever will be on site chaperoning. Good luck.

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17 F..
I feel really unwanted.. Me and my boyfriend broke up a month ago(we were togheter 2 years) and he had a new girl in a week.. I started chatting with this guy a few weeks ago, I really thaught he like me, we hanged out but now, out of the blue he has a girl to.. I feel like no one wants me.. no guy looks at me and I feel lonley. I just want someone to love me like my friends are loved by their bf's.. I am a bit overweight but I play firts team hockey i have blue eyes and wear glasses and i have blond hair.. i don't think I'm that ugly but I have a very low selfesteem.. please help me?

I've been there with the low self esteem thing and was actually still struggling when married the first time. I'll address what is going on with teen dating after I go over how to gain self confidence. I read an article in a magazine and followed the basic principle, which was to borrow the higher self esteem and confidence of a famous person until you have success using theirs and all of a sudden you realize you have your own. Its like borrowing a lit ember from one campfire to start another. All of this excerise is done in your head. You choose an actress who has a trait you can identify with. For me,it was my eyes, tho they came close, I didnt have the exact same sultry and expressive eyes that my actress had but they fell into the same bracket. So whenever I left the house or entered another bldg, several times a day, I imagined my eyes, and myself entering a room and gaining all the attention that a famous actress would. I couldnt imagine myself like her unless I had the connection item, my eyes. You may use your eyes, or you may think of an actress with hair the same or similar to yours. In my case, I'd do the imagining thing and then forget about it but people reminded me that it was working cus all of a sudden, both men and women, even those who were strangers would walk up to me and comment on how I had the prettiest eyes. Half the time I wasn't wearing makeup. I was dumbfounded...it couldn't be this easy. So why were they noticing me now when no one ever did before? They were all picking up on something subconsciously, something that can't be seen...self confidence and esteem which I beleive go hand in hand. People all have built in radars ready to pick up on vibes, like radio signals and what they pick up in vibes off you will determine if they actually notice you and are interested in meeting and getting to know you. It doesnt take long after getting this kind of attention and compliments before you realize you don't need to imagine yourself being the actress. The attention and compliments act as a booster to get your own self confidence going.

Now as for teen dating, I don't know what thoughts are in your head about it, but teens who date in HS rarely ever end up getting married to each other and having kids. So even if it was 2 years, dating is still an exploratory situation, and relationships don't come with user manuels. You have to learn the hard way and both will unknowingly do the don'ts of relationships. Then again, this is a period of time when you should be learning what it is you have to offer a relationship, and what you need and want in a guy. That list will be updated many times with input from several relationships and should help you throughout the years in remembering to go after the best traits of all past boyfriends and to avoid the worst traits, things hurtful to you or harmful to a relationship. Guys are in this exploratory stage as teens and 20 somethings. It isnt every male that wants to commit to a relationship and stay long term at this age. But by late 20s or as hitting 30, lots more men are ready to settle down with one female whom they are in love with. It is the talking to each other, hanging out and going on dates that is the best way to find out details about the other. I didnt spend enough time at age 20 getting to know my husband before I married, nor did I have any idea due to no previous experience, how to look for any warning signs that something might not be right. If I knew then what I know now, I would not have married him.
What I am hoping you see here, is that the process of dating and then breaking up to move on to the next, or in talking to a person, the other may in the talking stage already decide someone isn't their cup of tea. That all this is normal and if self confident, you wouldnt be taking it all so personally and believe you are lacking, not good enough. The actual truth for all humans of any age, is that we each have our own favorites of things that differ from what your friend, sister, mother likes. Guys have an idea in their minds of what they want at this age and usually due to brainwashing of media, they want the girls who look the most like models and are willing to have sex with them...something they all want . You have your favorites in a color, food, book or music genre, style of clothes, etc... And each person having their own personal like they are searching for only makes the prospects different, but not better or worse for all. Due to all our differences, there will be plenty of guys who find you attractive. No you can't be attractive to every singe living breathing male, and neither am I. But if you have self confidence, it doesnt matter how old you get, you will always have a certain set of guys who notice you, ogle you, compliment and ask you out. This is a good thing to have as in my case, I am gaining the silver hairs and wrinkles now but in comparison, for my age, in looks I am a catch and there are still men, young and old who will look and smile at me. Since I have a 2nd husband, they won't ask me out but I can tell from their eagerness in convo with me that they are very interested even so. Lots of women give up on feelling pretty and wanted when they get older but it doesnt have to happen. It starts now with you learning that self confidence that will boost your esteem. Good luck dear.

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Hi everyone. Thanks so much for taking the time to read this. Me and my boyfriend ( well now ex) have been together for 3 months. Known each other since February though. Ill tell you the story briefly. I got fucked over really badly by my ex boyfriend before I met him- he hurt me so much and left me for a really selfish reason- he ruined my self esteem so much and gave me major trust issues. I met this guy after 2 months and started talking, he really did love me a lot and I think he still does even though were broken up. He always talked about how hes never loved anyone as much as hes loved me and that im his first real relationship. I am 21 and he is 24. Although he is 24 ive always felt like he was a little bit immature in our relationship. I am usually the mature one because I have dealt with many guys and been in 3 different relationships so i started to know how to deal with guys more than hes dealt with girls. His relationships werent so intense and were pretty brief so this was all new to him. Anyway. During our relationship we'd get into little arguments about things and whenever we'd get mad at eachother i would tell him that i didnt wanna talk- and i was really moody a lot of the time and wasn't so nice. However, it was all because of my past relationship and how i got so tired of caring about people so much and i think he knew this as well because he knew i had major trust issues and tried to do the impossible to make me gain his trust. After a few times of telling him i didnt wanna talk and him getting upset about it, i finally told him i was sorry about that and that it wont happen again and that i only do that so we don't argue more- he said its okay and he understands. So he works all the time, and i only get to see him on monday because thats his day off. So i decided to take off from work on a monday so that we were able to hang out till the morning till night time. So i did that. I texted him in the morning and he told me that he can't go out until after 6PM because his family is coming over for dinner and he can't leave them because it would be rude. i told him that hes being rude to me and hes putting me off (and he knows i took off from work for him) so why couldn;t he just tell his mom he couldlnt be avaialble for this family dinner instead of ruining plans with me? Usually i have to go to a friends house and hang out with them until he picks me up because im not allowed out of my house after a specific time and i know he finishes late. so i try to go that extra mile so i can see him and stick to just anyone until he picks me up. So i got tired of doing that and we ended up getting into this argument of you don't and i do and blah blah. Now keep in mind that before this little problem we had, he poked a girl on facebook and when i found out he started laughing and we ended up fighting because i told him that i hate that and he told me that i dont have the right to be snooping around his activity log and that he ONLY did that because he wanted to see if i was gona say anything because he wanted to catch me going through his stuff. We got in a big fight and i told him that im not gonna go through his stuff anymore but to seriously never do that again just to see what i would do because its really childish (he could have just asked me if i go on his facebook since he IS the one who gave me his password to begin with ) anyways. Prior to this, he had deleted a message to a girl that i specifically told him not to ask a favor from and then when i was on the phone with him he told me that he had this specific conversation with her about the favor in person when she passed by his true- which was a complete LIE because i saw from my end that he put the message in archived so that i wouldn't see it from his phone ( I also LET THIS GO) and did not confront him about it because i dont want to keep arguing with him and making problems.. i actually want this relationship to work because i started to love and really care about him so i let it go for the sake of my own sanity. Anyways. This was BEFORE we got into the fight about going out. After we got into this fight i told him BYE because i was frusturated and so he said bye and the conversation ended. He didnt contact me all day even after he finished with his family and he knew i was upset because i canceled my plans for him. The day after he didnt even call or text me and then i see that the girl he poked on facebook has now become his friend on facebook and instagram. My face was priceless and i was so angry and upset. Like he told me that he doesnt even KNOW her and that only poked her on purpose to see my reaction and how i found out. Now they are adding one another, and especially when we got into a fight? So i called him up and told him i saw it on instagram and i thought he said he didnt know her. He first said that he didnt want to speak to me because i said BYE again during an argument and hes had enough of that. So i asked him why he added this girl right when we fought and he told me "i dont know, i just did, whats the big deal" so i said "okay so you lied to me? telling me you dont know her and the first thing you do is add her when we fight?" and then I honestly wanted to teach him a lesson and broke up with him on the spot. I told him that hes already been treating me like crap lately and hes always busy for me-- and on top of all of this he does shit like this without even thinking whether or not id be upset so that its over. Ofcourse i said this out of spite and anger. He told me to stop saying that and to not talk like that and i told him i made up my mind. After that we shut and he kept posting things on facebook and whatsapp all depressing for a little bit and then he would change his whatsapp picture every 2 minutes and be online in and out on whatsapp a lot so i figure hes doing that to grab my attention. I felt like he wasnt going to talk to me ever again and honestly, i have a really good heart so i can't have somene stay mad at me without clearing my concise and getting closure. I wanted to know where we stood once and for all and see if he was ever willing to try again. So i texted him on whatsapp an hour ago and he blocked me right when he read it. So i called him and he picked up with this angry tone. And i was like you blocked me? and he was like Yes, didnt you say what you wanted to say? arent you done talking ? didnt you make your decision?! and i was like yes but i was only calling you to make myself clear on what i did. (it basically took me 15 minutes to convince him to listen to what i have to say) and all he kept saying was ITS OVER- im not gonna ever be with you again-- to me this subject is CLOSED and pretend like you never even met me to begin with and that these few months never happend. I remained extremely calm and said "okay, and im not calling you to get back together, i just want to talk like adults" and hes like "okay go ahead and finish what you want to say" in a really asshole type of way. So i told him "okay, i did what i did and said what i said because i trusted you, you betrayed my trust and you were dishonest with me and hurt my feelings and i didnt expect that from you" hes like okay are you done? are you finished? im at the beach with my friends so i have no time right now. I was like okay i was just telling you so you know what you did and why i said that- hes like okay and i want you to know that we are NEVER gonna be together again and that its really over for me so dont try. So i told him to stop saying that out of anger and that hes gonna regret it and hes like no im not, when im done IM DONE and theres no going back so just forget about it. So i calmly said okay and told him to take care of himself and shut. He still has me blocked and i feel upset about all the harsh things hes said. Yes, i broke up with him but because he was treating me poorly and lied to me and wasn't honest. I didnt want to really break up but after that phone call, why would i wanna be with someone so immature anyways? All i wanna know is did i do something wrong? Should i have not broken up with him so quickly? I didnt know how else to deal with this situation because ive been through so much shit and can't handle someone else mistreating me or lying to me so i just ended it to prove a point but obviously he took it terribly and treated me this way.I feel like he doesnt mean what he said but hes only saying that because his emotions are everywhere but i dont know. I wonder if hell ever even talk to me again. we shared so much memories and spent everyday together (literally) just sad how that all ends in less than a day. I feel confused as to why he decided to block me once i texted him, why didnt he just do that before i texted him? Please let me know what you think and if i made the right choice. Thank you all so much for reading this and i hope your answers make me feel better, or atleast help me sleep at night.

Clarification? So i decided to take off from work on a monday....does that mean you both discussed this move and he agreed to it, or was it your idea that you passed on to him without him really aware you were planning this? You dont have to answer me, but I want to point out that unless you both discussed and he agreed to it, before you asked for the day off, then he is not it the wrong and you were just assuming he'd drop everything for his day off to be with you.
From there, you give a long detailed explanation of all your fights in which it seems to me that both of you are wanting to come out on to and win.
If two people care more about fulfilling their partners needs first than theirs, and learn when it is important to choose a 'fair' fight or what things are actually trivial and its best not to fight over, then a relationship will go a lot more smoothly. It just sounds like both of you enjoy the drama of needling and pushing each others buttons more than taking the time to really learn the do's and don't of relationships.

Its not just what innocent mistakes we may unintentionally be making, but our own personal maturity levels that can cause the kinds of issues you are having. Don't take me wrong, I am not saying you are immature and causing all the problems but I see this every day...people your age with the exact same kinds of issues.
Just ones age in years or previous experience in a certain matter doesn't make one an expert in a field. ANd this is where I think younger people get sidetracked. They believe that whatever they want should be attainable without any hard work put in on both sides.
'Happily ever after doesnt happen because you wish it so. It only happens when both parties put in maximum effort to make it so.' And in your case, I would suggest that the maximum effort to make it so, be the effort of reading up on everything and anything you can get your hands on regarding relationships. There is no such class as relationships 101 where you can learn, study and pass the test with flying colors so you know you are ready to be in a relationship.
This is much like getting into a car when you have never driven and you dont know how to operate it let alone any of the rules of driving....that would be a challenge indeed with possible accidents ahead during your learning period. Many have lots of experience as you state you have with past guys. But experience isn't any good if we dont learn from it what to avoid, what we can do better and make those changes. Ever hear older women complain and wonder why it is that every guy they meet seems to be a loser. And I am sure these ladies are decent people but as far as relating to other people, there is always something each of us has to learn to be better and avoid doing to have a good relationship.
And hon, these same skills will help you in life with ANY relationship...its called people skills and will help you to get along with others to the best that you can. Like teachers, a boss, coworkers, family, relatives, friends. And we all need to learn that we can only change ourself and have no control over another person changing for the better. So if they are not willing, but lets say you are, there is an imbalance already and it will not work out.
So if at this point, he is saying it is over and he doesnt want to be in touch with you for any reason, you can't make him change his stance.

You wanted answers to make you feel better, and I don't think mine qualifies as it implies lots of hard work ahead of studying. But it is important.
I keep up on relationship stuff always reading a new book or watching some professionals videos on you tube or elsewhere on the net. Even tho I have lots of life experience, I'd rather not see others have to go thru the school of hard knocks, meaning the hard way such as you have with this relationship blowing up. Learning about relationships or even sex, are things that we must learn how to self educate ourselves on by gathering information from others who specialize in counseling for relationships. If you decide you'd like to start learning more than you already know to see if you can improvement future relationships by how you act and also knowing how to pick individuals who are relationship-mature and also willing to learn and improve, let me know and I'll gather up what links I have to send you. I did mention relationship-mature because I feel a person can be a fairly mature person in lots of areas of their life but without the knowledge of do's and don'ts and go about the relationship in a hap-hazard way without any goals to find out what the problems or issues are and what to do to solve it. Couple counseling is something that may help if one finds it too hard to learn on their own but both have to be willing to fight for the relationship. It is more so the committed relationships or marriage or long term partners that are not going to be so quick to throw away their partner but fight for the relationship. And couples who were only dating and no real commitment to each other and not sure if this is who you want to raise kids with and be with til old age, these couples won't see the relationship as worth fighting for and fixing.

You were raised in a society of fast food, fast everything, and throw away rather than fix when things get old, worn or need some tweaking. So its not a shock that most of your generation would rather give up on a relationship than fix it. But you must have a wiling partner and know how to choose the right one for you too. this all is much more than any person can write in here to share with you. But let me know and i will look for some links that can get you started if you wish.

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So I like this guy (he's a junior, I'm a freshman) but I don't know how to talk to him :(

School is over... he knows me, like he knows that I exist, we talked VERY briefly before, but he doesn't remember. I don't know how to talk to him... I have him on Instagram & Facebook... but it's weird to just message someone you don't know out of the blue.

My friend is dating one of his best friends and I talked to him once briefly as well, but she won't set me up because I know she's gonna think I don't have a chance with that guy (which I don't) but I wanna talk to him on my own somehow.

What should I do? I don't wanna seem weird or creepy. Please help. :(

For one thing, many teens have angst about a lot of things and out grow it someday. Comes with the age bracket, but others may have extreme anxieties about people in general and talking to people. If you are very outgoing and make friends easily, and its only him you have a mind block and fear of talking to cus its so important you want to make a good impression, then it will be fairly easy if you face your fears and have some ideas of things to say.

If you are generally very shy and quiet and dont befriend people of talk to people you dont know,and others have to approach you first, then it will be a little harder. Again you need to face your fears, but you will need to get over your major fear of people first before anyone can help you with ideas on how to approach a person, like him, and start a conversation so it seems natural, not targeted and creepy.
I can give advice either way, so let me know which is your situation and I'll let you know what you can try.

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have anyone ever used fruit roll ups to give a blow job?

The question is, do you want to and if so, is it actually satisfying? If so, use whatever methods seem to work best for you. I am sure that the list of what other humans have used in history to hump, masturbate or use with a partner in a blow job is limitless and some may seem very odd.
But creativity goes a long way when one is too young to enter a sex toy store yet to purchase toys. Also, some find using a more unconventional item to add excitement and spice to the act. As long as what you are doing doesnt hurt or harm you or a partner, then theres nothing wrong with it.

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(A New York pride parade in particular) I do know that there is like no dress code😂 but I've seen some pretty young kids there. So is there a lot of kids at NY pride and how old is old enough? (Not like rule wise but appropriateness)

As parents we know our kids best. If too young and they tire easily, you may rather get someone to watch them and sit with them on the sides to cheer you on as you go by.
Lets say a child has a relative who is gay and they understand what the fight for education on people of alternative sexual makeup and rights too, if they want to be in the parade to support the parents (a gay couple) or other relatives, I don't see anything wrong with it. Children know a lot more these days than we did when we were kids or our parents. I dont live in NY but another large city which has its own pride parade. I've been once and seen lots of pics from other years and have seen kids of all ages. I guess it would d epend on the organizers of the parade and whatever rules they have for the event. I would think you could find that info easily on line. I put in a search titiled 'ny pride parade 2016' and got lots of hits. I dont have the time to read them all but if there are restrictions, I am sure its on one of these sites or there'll be a number to call and ask. Here's the first link of many : www.nycpride.org

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Had protected sex with my girlfriend using only condoms and after 2 days she started vomiting she was a virgin had it fine no breakage happened is it by any chance she is pregnant I'm worried today it's day 3 she committed again iam from Zimbabwe

Its not likely she's pregnant at all. It takes time for sperm to reach an egg of hers that is ready, fertilize it and then travel to implant in the uterus at which point a female may then start experiencing sypmtoms of pregnancy like vomiting.It takes about 3 weeks before most women start having symptoms of pregnancy.
It generally takes about a week for the fertilized egg to travel to uterus and once implanted, the hormones released increase every 1 to2 days until there's enough to register on a pregnancy test or symptoms like vomiting start.

My guess is that this is a coincidence of her catching the flu, so her stomach is ill, but not pregnant.

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My boyfriend and I have been together for around two years, living together for a year and a half. He's a great man, he's a hard worker. He's polite, handsome, very dedicated to family and so intelligent. Giving up his chair for the lady in room. Walking in to pay for gas for the elderly gentleman at the gas pump. He's so many of the things I always thought I wanted. In the beginning he seemed so interested in me, texting me all the time, telling me how beautiful I was, just making such effort. I feel like since we've moved in together it's as if were playing house. And it was fine for me, because I thought things were progressing. I can imagine my life with this man, so many qualities that I have always thought I wanted. Recently we've been talking about the future, and it's beginning to cause me quite a deal of anxiety.

I've been in my career for 5 years, my dream job. I own a home (before we met), and I'm ready to settle down. It took us a year and a half to have these conversations and I am saddened that we waited so long. At a year and a half he can't believe I'd ask about settling down, getting engaged and married and children in the near future. As if he'd never thought of it, more importantly never thought of it with me. He tells me he thinks he'll be ready to get engaged at 30.. 3 years from now; thinks. "He's not ready". It's not a nice feeling to be sure of someone who's hoping in three years to be sure of you. I keep telling myself that I will be patient, but I just don't feel that interest anymore; that feeling that he is SO into me anymore. Like I am a placeholder, that were playing house.. but he's the only one reaping the benefits.

He's just making me feel so insecure in this relationship, all the "affection", is gone. No sweet texts. No compliments. He doesn't hold my hand in the car any more, we don't cuddle unless I ask. And I know the honeymoon wears off. But I am not a secure person, and I think I'm just feeling worse with some of his actions. He's a police officer, he adds random women from businesses in his town who friend him. (Bad girlfriend moment) I looked at his iPad, where he was going on and on about how hot his new chiropractor is to his brother (he sees her three times a week) and he's "creeper" for Facebook stalking her and he "knows" it. At a wedding last weekend he was blatantly checking out women right in front of me, like I couldn't see. And last week at our softball game, an old team mate slapped his butt during the "good game" ending, right in front of me. And when I asked him since when that was okay, he shrugged it off. Non chalantly, and later told me he didn't "want me to make a scene". He wouldn't have so easily shrugged off a man I knew slapping my butt in front of him.. We have sex, maybe three times a month. Most of the time when I get drunk and have the courage to initiate (Which he's always telling me I don't do enough of). Sometimes to have him participate, sometimes to have him turn me down. Sometimes to have him tell me I drink too much (The only way I initiate). Orgasm is not something that comes easily to me, so I understand maybe sex with my is "work" on his part. But his history shows me that he pretty much watches multiple videos of porn basically every single day I am not home. Like we slept in bed together all day yesterday, and he watched porn after I left for work; instead of having sex with me. I even caught him after he left bed WITH me, masturbating on the toilet. He thought it was hysterical. I was crushed. When he found out I looked at his iPad, he took all the information that links his iPad to his phone, so there's no messages or anything. (I know I shouldn't have looked, but I feel like that's a little shady.. maybe)

Part of me is worried I will be in the same exact spot with a man three years down the road, who's still not ready. I consider him, and my little fur babies, my "family". Our puppy had an anaphylactic reaction to a bee sting in his mouth (he at the bee, in the bees defense). And we had just gotten ready to leave for a date night with another couple. He let me take the dog to the vet, told me he'd meet me there after he talked to our friends, and then ended up going with them on the date night with me. I was so crushed.

He leaves the cupboard doors open when he takes his glass out, leaves dirty dishes and coffee cups where they fall, boxers where he took them off. And they will sit there until I pick them up. The dishes, usually none of which are mine, will sit there until I do them. My usually immaculate house is messy and in disarray. Once in a while he will take it upon him self to mop, or do load of laundry. But usually that will just sit there until I do it too. I make dinner. I am responsible for OUR dogs. I just feel like were playing house. And he's beginning to ruin something I was totally sure of before. I thought he was it. But I'm not sure he is, because he's clearly unsure I am it for him.. Right?

Or am I the problem? I'm picking fights, even when I don't know why I'm upset and I'm asking myself why I'm saying something. I'm anxious, I'm stressing. I don't know if maybe I need to relax, or maybe we just aren't compatible. I fell fast, and hard. And waited way to long to talk about what he wanted. I was invested before I realized we are on such different pages..

How resfreshing for me to hear you answering your own questions, your intellignet insights to your situation. You are a very intelligent woman for 27, who really has her life together at that age whereas your guy seems to come across as not ready to be an adult.

I do understand your confusion when you list all his good qualities. At least you see him do these things consistantly for others: very dedicated to family,Giving up his chair for the lady in room. Walking in to pay for gas for the elderly gentleman at the gas pump.

YOu must be even more confused since he was doing all the right things with you in those first 6 months so you thought you found Mr. Right. Don't beat yourself up over moving in together. That is actually the next step after all seems to be going good when dating. Dating is nothing more than an exploratory and discovery period to see if the other person still interests you or if any warning signs pop up that they may not be what you are looking for.
See, it is easy to hide from a potential partner all your faults until you live with them. So once you started living with him, you began to see another part of him that you are not okay with. Do not trick yourself into thinking you can just put up with it because of all his other qualities. I did this with my ex when I was your age, made excuses for him, painted him as better than he was, but most of all, I told myself I could handle his shortcomings for another day, another month , or even another year of my life. When I asked myself if I could handle the life I had with him exactly as it was with no improvement at all for the next 10 years or 20...I broke down and cried, upset and panicked at that thought. I knew I couldn't. SO I divorced him.

In your case, nice as parts of him may be, and as nice as his family may seem to be, either he has some internal personal issues that are causing him to be this way or he learned to be this way from his parents.
What I think I am seeing here, is a man who was looking for nothing more than a Mommy to take care of him. WHile he may to a degree function as an adult, especially since he's a police officer with that kind of responsibilities, when it comes to home life, he may have had a Mom who did it all and the Dad never helped Mom out, some outdated idea that the house is the womans domain only and only her responsiblity to keep up and clean. Whats worse is that if you had kids with him, the children would not tend to follow your good traits. Its always the weakest link. My kids would tend to imitate their Dads worsts personality traits and habits. If Mom does all the shopping, cooking and cleaning up after Dad just because He won't, you cant expect to teach your kids your ideals. They will say, if Dad doesnt have to do it, then why do I. ANd they won't grow up the way you like, always leaning on you to do stuff for them. Mine did until I left their Dad before the divorce. In that time of separation, even tho all were out on their own, they found they had to learn to grow up without me around and they finally did, thank God. But thats not a total guarantee. I still have a daughter who cant cook but keeps a clean house, and one who wont cook or clean and one who can cook but only recently moved back into the area so I have no idea how she keeps house.

You are not the problem. And he is not the problem. I know several people who have extremely messy houses, actually more than messy, unhealthy and uninhabitable if a state agency where to check it out...but that is how they choose to live and as long as no one who lives like that is endangering anyone else living there by the conditions, so be it. The problem is actually two people being together who have totally different ideals in life, goals, differents attitudes, etc.

At the end you stated ' And I waited way to long to talk about what he wanted.

That is true dear. After a bad 1st marriage, I was in late 40s and wanting to find someone but this time I knew what the warning signs looked like and what a messy, helpless, lazy pack rat looked like or acted like.
However you are missing the part I did 2nd time around, It wasn't good enough that I find someone who could tell me what they wanted...half or more than half don't know what they want in a woman or out of life and have no desire to even give it a thought if they are happy with status quo. Heck he's got it good, he's got a place to live he didnt have to save up to buy, he has a cook, a maid, a laundry person, a person go-fer, and a Mother image and he doesnt have to pay to hire any of those, all he had to do was the minimal amount of attention to sweep you off your feet and then he stopped because he got what he wanted.
And hon, don't think you can just ask if he's looking for a Mommy instead of a wife and equal partner. He may deny it cus he really doesnt know. This need may not be one he could recognize with his conscious mind, often its a sub consious one and therefore he wouldn't know, but by what you told me, I am betting on the fact that he deep down only wants a Mommy not a girlfriend or wife. While you may feel that how is he away from home counts, it does to some extent. But when considering the nitty gritty of home life, all that really matters is how he treats you and carries his weight in the relationship while at home, away from the public eye.
One last thing, unless you also have a very low libido and dont require or desire sex more than one or twice a month, then you are mismatched sexually as well. I can see no good reason for you to remain with him.
Women fall in love with men, some good, some bad, some very bad as in criminals and it is this love and not wanting to experience the temporary heart ache of breaking up to find someone better that keeps women with men who are not a good catch at all! Women fall in love thru the courtship, thru sex, thru the attention and compliments and wonderful stuff a guy does for her. I got this in the beginning with my 2nd husband and it hasn't stopped in 7 years. He is consistant is who he is. What I saw in him in the beginning, patience, supportive, willing to serve me and do special things, compliment and build me up every day, even though I dont require it as I am not a needy person, his admiration, willingness to do his share of the cooking and cleaning and sometimes even more as he suggests I take the night to relax and do crafts or read a book, etc....

I am sure this is what you are looking for. YOu must also look for consistantcy in a man. WHo he is when you meet, should be the same every time you meet so one can learn to build trust in each other. You can't trust a person who is kind to you once then is mean or uses you another. And the good qualities of the relationship between just you two, needs to remain consistant and actually grow even closer and better over time, not stop and fall apart.

I have a quote I like to use in these cases:
"Happily ever after doesnt happen just because you wish it so. It only happens when both parties put in maximum effort to make it so."

That is true. If there is imbalance, and one is not carrying their fair share of the load, then it will be a poor unhappy relationship at least for one person for ever, or it could in the end result in the splitting up of the relationship.

So though he may seem a great man as in your title, since he isn't consistantly that in all of his life, in the private half, my personal take on it, is he's not actually a really good man, he's simply not the worst. But do you want to settle for less.

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