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I feel unwanted
17 F..
I feel really unwanted.. Me and my boyfriend broke up a month ago(we were togheter 2 years) and he had a new girl in a week.. I started chatting with this guy a few weeks ago, I really thaught he like me, we hanged out but now, out of the blue he has a girl to.. I feel like no one wants me.. no guy looks at me and I feel lonley. I just want someone to love me like my friends are loved by their bf's.. I am a bit overweight but I play firts team hockey i have blue eyes and wear glasses and i have blond hair.. i don't think I'm that ugly but I have a very low selfesteem.. please help me?
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I've been there with the low self esteem thing and was actually still struggling when married the first time. I'll address what is going on with teen dating after I go over how to gain self confidence. I read an article in a magazine and followed the basic principle, which was to borrow the higher self esteem and confidence of a famous person until you have success using theirs and all of a sudden you realize you have your own. Its like borrowing a lit ember from one campfire to start another. All of this excerise is done in your head. You choose an actress who has a trait you can identify with. For me,it was my eyes, tho they came close, I didnt have the exact same sultry and expressive eyes that my actress had but they fell into the same bracket. So whenever I left the house or entered another bldg, several times a day, I imagined my eyes, and myself entering a room and gaining all the attention that a famous actress would. I couldnt imagine myself like her unless I had the connection item, my eyes. You may use your eyes, or you may think of an actress with hair the same or similar to yours. In my case, I'd do the imagining thing and then forget about it but people reminded me that it was working cus all of a sudden, both men and women, even those who were strangers would walk up to me and comment on how I had the prettiest eyes. Half the time I wasn't wearing makeup. I was dumbfounded...it couldn't be this easy. So why were they noticing me now when no one ever did before? They were all picking up on something subconsciously, something that can't be seen...self confidence and esteem which I beleive go hand in hand. People all have built in radars ready to pick up on vibes, like radio signals and what they pick up in vibes off you will determine if they actually notice you and are interested in meeting and getting to know you. It doesnt take long after getting this kind of attention and compliments before you realize you don't need to imagine yourself being the actress. The attention and compliments act as a booster to get your own self confidence going.
Now as for teen dating, I don't know what thoughts are in your head about it, but teens who date in HS rarely ever end up getting married to each other and having kids. So even if it was 2 years, dating is still an exploratory situation, and relationships don't come with user manuels. You have to learn the hard way and both will unknowingly do the don'ts of relationships. Then again, this is a period of time when you should be learning what it is you have to offer a relationship, and what you need and want in a guy. That list will be updated many times with input from several relationships and should help you throughout the years in remembering to go after the best traits of all past boyfriends and to avoid the worst traits, things hurtful to you or harmful to a relationship. Guys are in this exploratory stage as teens and 20 somethings. It isnt every male that wants to commit to a relationship and stay long term at this age. But by late 20s or as hitting 30, lots more men are ready to settle down with one female whom they are in love with. It is the talking to each other, hanging out and going on dates that is the best way to find out details about the other. I didnt spend enough time at age 20 getting to know my husband before I married, nor did I have any idea due to no previous experience, how to look for any warning signs that something might not be right. If I knew then what I know now, I would not have married him.
What I am hoping you see here, is that the process of dating and then breaking up to move on to the next, or in talking to a person, the other may in the talking stage already decide someone isn't their cup of tea. That all this is normal and if self confident, you wouldnt be taking it all so personally and believe you are lacking, not good enough. The actual truth for all humans of any age, is that we each have our own favorites of things that differ from what your friend, sister, mother likes. Guys have an idea in their minds of what they want at this age and usually due to brainwashing of media, they want the girls who look the most like models and are willing to have sex with them...something they all want . You have your favorites in a color, food, book or music genre, style of clothes, etc... And each person having their own personal like they are searching for only makes the prospects different, but not better or worse for all. Due to all our differences, there will be plenty of guys who find you attractive. No you can't be attractive to every singe living breathing male, and neither am I. But if you have self confidence, it doesnt matter how old you get, you will always have a certain set of guys who notice you, ogle you, compliment and ask you out. This is a good thing to have as in my case, I am gaining the silver hairs and wrinkles now but in comparison, for my age, in looks I am a catch and there are still men, young and old who will look and smile at me. Since I have a 2nd husband, they won't ask me out but I can tell from their eagerness in convo with me that they are very interested even so. Lots of women give up on feelling pretty and wanted when they get older but it doesnt have to happen. It starts now with you learning that self confidence that will boost your esteem. Good luck dear.
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Girl, you sound gorgeous!
I know you want to be loved, but you dont need a man for that. sure it would be amazing, but you have your friends, family and many other people who love you.
one day the right man will come along.
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