about

Hi I'm Dee. I'm 23 and married. I've worked in health care as well as office settings but am now a home-maker. I'm knowledgeable in a variety of subjects but don't mind doing a little research if asked about something I don't know about. Most of my friends come to me for advice. I read several advice columns and would like to help you also.

I'm not judgemental. Your life is yours to live it as you choose. I believe asking for advice is good, but ultimately the choice is yours. You WILL NOT find a hurtful or smartass answer here.

If you have a question that you would like to keep private, you can email me and I'll get back to you as soon as possible.

advice

I've been in love with a man for the last 3 years. I've never felt such strong feelings for a guy in my life. I believe that he loves me too. The problem is that he's married. I've never crossed the line with him. We've never even kissed but have exchanged loving glances. He knows how I feel and that I've been suffering in silence. We have so much in common and have similiar values.
He has a very rocky marriage. Everyone knows he and his wife arent happy. They work together at a cafe and they fight like cats and dogs. They have nothing in common and I've heard that she has several addictions, including drugs and gambling. They have no kids together but she has two grown children from her first marriage. They don't respect my friend and steal from him. She is abusive to him and takes his money to gamble or spend on cigaretes.
He is a gentleman and a christian and would never ask me to have an affair. I've already told him I don't believe in extra marital affairs because my dad cheated on my mom. But he has never indicated that he wanted to leave her for me. He is very shy and reserved, and sometimes I think he's in denial of his feelings for me, or scared of his feelings for me.
I am young (mid 20's) and have lots of guys after me. But I don't want to date any one because I am in love with my married friend. I don't want to have an affair either. I feel a lot of guilt because after my dad cheated on my mom I vowed to never do what my dad did. What should I do?

With both of you having strong morals, I don't see this situation changing in the future. I may be wrong though. I think this guy's morals may be playing a role in his inability to end his marriage. I would suggest taking some time for yourself, away from this and other guys, to determine what exactly it is about this guy that draws you and also what you need in a relationship. I think it would also do him good to have a break so he can get a clear view of how he feels and decide what he intends to do. I know it's hard being apart from one you love, but I believe taking a break from each other would give you each a chance to look at the situation in a different way than when you're seeing each other.


While I completely understand loving someone from afar, I think you may be doing yourself a disservice by focusing only on him. I'm not necessarily suggesting that you should go out and date other guys right off the bat. However, I wouldn't wait around forever hoping that he might leave his wife for you. You may miss out on your Mr. Right because you were looking the wrong way when he comes.

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I was in an accident a few years ago which left my knees and ankles in a pretty bad condition. As a result, I didn't do anything much in the way of exercise for over a year, as it was just too painful. My joints are now feeling a lot better and I'm trying to get back to a better level of fitness, but after so long it's really hard to motivate myself. I've taken up jogging, but after such a long period of inactivity, my stamina is really bad. I'm also really bad at pacing myself, run too fast and then as soon as I'm out of breath (which is sadly not very far at all) just start walking. I don't want to push myself too hard and injure myself again, but I'm finding it hard to find a point between pushing myself too hard and risking hurting myself and not pushing myself enough and not improving. After a long period of inactivity, what's sensible to aim for? Should I be easing myself back into exercise more gently, or should I be pushing myself harder?

You should definitely be easing yourself slowly back into exercise. If you try to do too much too fast, you run the risk of injuring yourself again. I would suggest speaking with your doctor about an exercise regimen. They are better advised as to the shape of your body and which exercises would be best. It might also be a good idea to start with just walking. It's great exercise and isn't as rough on joints. Then, as your stamina improves, you can work your way up to jogging for short periods. Just take things slow, rest when you need to, and work your way up.

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Hey, i am currently on medication to help make my pimples go away..it's not working all that great right now though..are there any ways i can make my pimples go away faster in addition to my medication?

If you've been on the medication for a while (over a month or two) and it isn't working, I would suggest talking to your doctor about switching to a different one. It's possible that the one you're taking isn't the right one for you. Sometimes it takes a couple tries to find the correct medication for your body.


To help deal with the pimples and keep them from reoccurring, I would start by drinking plenty of water. Your skin needs water to be healthy. I would also suggest eating a healthy diet and supplementing with a good quality multi-vitamin. Some vitamins and minerals are natural skin clearers. I would cut out fried foods and any other foods that make you break out. Try to avoid touching your face as much as possible to cut down on the transfer of oil and dirt. Last, if possible, try going without makeup completely or cutting down as much as you can. Makeup can clog the pores, making the problem worse.

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I need help quick!!
OK i used to be best friends with this one gurl (well call her suzie) for a long time but then she started getting on my nerves and we stopped being friends, then i was best friends with somone esle (well cal her dawn) and am still friends with her and now me and suzie started tlaking and they are tottaly different and HATE each other, i like dawn a lot she rocks but the colser i get to suzie the farther i get from dawn and i dont want to lose dawn!! i love her!! as a friend!! i might lose her and end up with suziea dn then we will stop being friends again because our past will catch up with us and well end up in the same fight we had before. what do i do?

First, I think you need to work out what ended the friendship with Suzie. Otherwise, if it isn't corrected, it could happen again in the future. Next, I would set aside time for both friends. Whenever you have more than 2 people in the relationship, you run the chance of excluding one. By setting aside time for each friend, neither gets their feelings hurt.


If possible, perhaps you can try to help Suzie and Dawn get along together, if only to the point where they can tolerate each other. That way you'll be able to do things with both friends. If there isn't a way to work things out between them, I would sit down with each friend personally and tell them how much you value your friendship with them, but let them know that you're not going to end the friendship with the other.

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Hey 16-m. I'm terrible at keeping to a schedule and managing my time. Does anyone have any suggestions as to what I could try to manage my time better? I usually have things to do after school, and by the time I get home I have just enough homework to keep me going late into the night. After I look back on the day, I spot out about half an hour at the least I could have saved if I did things differently. Any ideas? ...I used to have a tan line on my wrist from my watch, which might explain why I've been bad at this lately [would getting a new one help?] Will rate - thanks a lot.

Having a watch could help. Have you tried making a list of what you need to do and checking things off as you go? You're less likely to waste time if you see what all you have to do. Another idea is setting a timer when you're doing certain activities. Set aside a certain amount of time to do them and then move on when your time is up. If you have a lot of activities, you may have to decide which ones you can drop.

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Ohk im 17. f.

i Have a sister that 13.

Im skinny and she bigger then me by like 2 sizes.

every single day she goes in my room when im asleep and takes my clothes and ask me if she can wear them. im still asleep when she asks me so i have no idea what im saying. She takes it as a yes and wears my clothes. She takes jeans, shirts, and even my damn uniform pants for work. today she went to the movies with her friend. her friend didnt have clean jeans so she gave her a pair of mine to wear. her friend is bigger then her.

When i see her with my clothes on i tell her to change right now and she does she throws my clothes in my room and doesnt even wash them after. She gets stains on my shirts and they dont come off. Well the jeans i dont have many pairs and when she wears them the strech out and i cant get them back to regular size.

I bought like 2 pairs of new jeans and she asks me everyday if she can wear them and i say No every time and she continues to ask me.

Is there any way to get her to stop asking me to wear my clothes all the damn time. She has more clothes then i do. she just doesnt wear them.

ill rate good if you give me good help.

Is the reason she's wearing your clothes an issue of her liking your style and wanting to imitate it? If so, offering to go shopping with her and help her pick out some outfits might help here. That way she gets her own clothes in your style while you get to keep the ones you have.


I would also suggest talking to your parents. Explain to them that when she borrows your clothes (without really asking), she doesn't return them in the same condition and you have to buy new ones to replace them. If they help pay for your clothes, they'll definitely be more inclined to help with the situation as it is costing them money.


There is also a matter of respect. If you borrow something, it should be returned in the same condition. This is something your sister needs to learn now. Otherwise, she's going to run into problems with it later in life.

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Me and one of my friends wanted to play a prank on this annoying guy that had been stalking another friend of ours that works as a waitress. Well actually there were 3 people in on the prank. The owner and chef of the restaurant encouraged us to do this because his waitress (our friend) had been complaining about this guy that always came into the restaurant, asked her out repeatedly, bought her unwelcomed gifts and then followed her home after her shift. So this was the joke: we went into the porn shop, bought all these sex toys, wrapped them, and then signed it to him from a "secret admiror". This would give him a taste of his own medicine. Well when he went into the restaurant and picked up his gift, he blamed it on another customer, and now our friend that owns the restaurant is mad at me and my friend for having one of his regulars upset. But it was HIS idea. I also found out that he thinks that I have a crush on the creep who was stalking the waitress. When I asked why I was told because I was one the ringleaders in the prank. I was furious and told everyone that it was a joke that went too far, and that I wished I hadnt gotten involved. How can I make things right? And why should I have to apologize because I wasnt the only one in on this.

I would apologize, if not to the creep, at least to the customer that was falsely accused. Whether the idea was yours or not, you did play a role in it. The owner of the restaurant also needs to step up to the plate. If a customer is harassing an employee of his, he has a responsibility to put a stop to it. I would also recommend that your friend (the waitress) file a complaint with the authorities against the guy that's harassing her. Since he has already followed her home, that's concern enough to bring it to the attention of the authorities. While he may just want a date with her, it's better to be safe than sorry in a case like this.

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i was just wondering what people think of glasses. do you find them nerdy or attractive? i have to wear glasses fullo time and i am wondering if contacts are the way to go or should i wear glasses but i dont want to seem like a four eyes freak. any inputs are appreciated.

Glasses have come a long way over the years. With the wide variety of frames available now, including designer frames, they can even be a fashion statement. Some frames are even designed to be less noticeable. I would speak to your optometrist to determine whether contacts or glasses are best for you. I alternate between the two myself.


Contacts are great, but can sometimes be a hassle. For instance, if your eyes are irritated, like with allergies, you'll find them uncomfortable to wear. You also have to deal with cleaning and disinfecting them regularly to avoid getting an eye infection. If you do decide to go with contacts, I would recommend getting a pair of glasses as a backup. That way you can still see if you're unable to wear your contacts for some reason.

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ok i have a friend who has a bf with herpes and he supposively hasnt had any breakouts for a while now and she gives him oral and she thinks shes not gonna get herpes because of him not having any breakouts...is that true?..if its not then i'll tell her to go get tested....im really worried about her

Just because he isn't having breakouts doesn't mean he's not contagious. It is possible to transmit herpes even if you're showing no symptoms. According to the planned parenthood website, there is a 4-10% chance of being infected by a partner who is showing no symptoms. I would definitely suggest your friend get tested immediately. I'm going to refer you to a couple websites with more detailed information. http://www.herpes.com/Transmission.shtml
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/pp2/portal/files/portal/medicalinfo/sti/pub-sti-herpes.xml

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Okay i am 17. I just broke up with my boyfriend ive had for the last 11 months. I wasnt happy and i told him that. He was too serious and talking about marriage n when wed hang out hed just want to stay in his room the whole time n lay down. And it wasnt makeing me happy. It would actually put me in a bad mood having to talk to him on the phone! So i broke up with him. Ive started liking another guy. Nothing serious! Just someone i liked to talk to and flirt with. I still talk to my EX for hours on the phone and i DO love him. Sometimes i just want to take him back knowing i wasnt happy last time. I think its because its the "safe" thing to do. Cuz i know how things will be. What i want to know is....Do yous think i should go back to the way it was or do you think i should see what happenes next. I just dont want to hurt him he says he needs me.... What would one of yous do??

P.S. im also a columnist...

I would suggest sitting down with your ex and talking. It seems to me like he was moving a bit faster (talking marriage) than you were comfortable with. Get it out in the open and see what he has to say. Let him know that while you're flattered he thinks that much of you, you're not ready to make that big of a commitment at this point. If there are some changes, I would give him another try. If there aren't, I would be worried it will happen again. Good luck whatever you decide.

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what do you do when you fall in love with your best friend (of the opposite sex of course) and they dont know and you dont want to ruin the friendship? im a girl by the way.

If you really think a relationship could mess up your friendship, I would think hard about it before making a move. I would take things very slow and just see how it goes. You could start by giving the friend a hint and trying to find out if they're interested as well. Perhaps something in a joking manner like "We spend so much time together people are going to think we're dating." and see how it goes. If the friend is interested, he'll probably pick up on it. If he's not, you've found out without having to spill your emotions. Good luck whatever you decide.

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ok i have a friend thats been through a lot & i dont wanna be friends with him anymore. hes always threatening to kill himself & pushes things on me & if i juss ignore him he'll do something really stupid & i'd feel guilty. i don't know what to do. please give me some ideas.

thanks

The best thing to do in this case is to tell someone (a parent, teacher, spiritual leader) about this. By threatening to harm himself, he's crying out for help. If an adult is aware of it, they can take the steps to get your friend the help he needs.


You can also be there for him. Remind him of the good things in life and what he'll miss if he does what he threatens.

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Should I be ok though since ive had my period since using the expired birth control?

If you've had your period, you're most likely not pregnant. However, if you have any symptoms (nausea, breast tenderness, etc), I would suggest doing a pregnancy test to be sure. I wouldn't recommend any sexual activity though until you get some birth control that's not expired.

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whenever i press alt ctrl delete, it says task manager has been disabled by your administrator. the thing is it used to work like last week.. so how can i change it so it will work again?

This has happened to me before. Something, usually a virus or spyware, has placed a restriction in your registry. I'm giving you a link with detailed instructions on how to correct it. It also has an auto-fix you can download and run. I recommend using the autofix as there's less chance of error. Just be sure to use caution. When working with the registry, a mistake can cause a lot of problems.
http://windowsxp.mvps.org/Taskmanager_error.htm


After the problem is corrected, I would suggest running a complete virus scan and spyware scan as well to make sure your computer is clean. If you don't have them already, I recommend Ad-Aware and Spybot for your spyware scanners. They're both free and pretty user-friendly. I'm including the download links for them as well.
http://www.lavasoftusa.com/software/adaware
http://www.safer-networking.org/en/download/index.html

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Hi... I'm a 18 year old female.. and I have a question for hopefully someone who can give me a helpful answer. I got a year supply of birth control from this place called family planning.. and alot of it expired.. but.. I didnt realize it until recently.. And I know that i took a months worth of expired pills... but ive had my period since that.. But i was told that if you have unprotected sex right after your period.. the chances are really high... So pretty much my question was.. When you take expired birth control does it make your body think that your not going to take it anymore... and then you release eggs again so that the chances of getting pregnant are higher??

Help.. Please...

With an expired medication, there's a possibility that it will be less effective. If the effectiveness is decreased, you do have a higher chance of becoming pregnant. I would suggest talking to your gynecologist or calling family planning and explaining the situation. They should be able to provide you with birth control that isn't expired. Until then, I would suggest abstaining from sexual activity or using a backup method such as a condom to protect yourself.

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Hello, I'm a 17 year old female. Who is interested in taking boxing class.

I've heard somewhere that if you take boxing classes and get into a street fight, you'll be arrested and charged with weapon possession because they would consider your fists as a weapon. Is this true? Or am I the only one that has heard about this?

Another thing is, I get into a lot of physical fights, so if what I said above is true exactly what do you think would happen to me?

Thank you.

Interesting question. I have heard something similar before, but I'm not sure if it applies everywhere. I would suggest speaking to an instructor or asking someone in law enforcement. They would be better advised as to the laws in your state and could give you a more detailed answer.

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Hey all. Well, I took an entrance exam for this program called the Science & Tech program to get into this good High School (Eleanor Roosevelt High School- in Maryland). This program is pretty competitive because a lot of people apply (somewhere in the thousands) aroung the county and only about 10-15 percent get accepted-250 people or so. I was wondering if my grades are good enough (Math Science Soc. Studies Lang. Arts Only grades counted):
7th grade 8th grade:
Math: B A B A A
Science: A C B A A
Soc. Studies:A B A A A
Lang. Arts: A A B A A

Please tell me if or if not these grades are good enough. Thanks!

Without knowing exactly what the program is looking for in grades, it's hard to say whether your grades are good enough or not. I would suggest speaking to your guidance counselor. They can probably give you more detailed information.

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does anyone know of any good ways to get better at sight reading? i'm really bad at playing runs [going up or down a scale]. i think it might be because i can't read music as fast as its supposed to be played. does anyone have any advice. thanks

The best thing to do is practice. If you can, try breaking the music down into smaller parts. Once you've learned a part, add a little more onto it. Just keep adding a little more onto it each time and eventually you'll have the whole piece down pat. I play piano and for the longest time had trouble getting my right and left hand to work together even though I could read the music easily. When I broke it down and learned one hand's part first and then the other hand's part, it was a lot easier for me to put together.

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I have an appointment to get an STD test done on Monday. Do you know how they give these tests? I am on my period. Does that affect the test at all? Just explain what the doctors will do from the minute I walk into the office, to the minute I leave. Please and thanks.

I always rate 5's.

A lot of STDs can be checked for with a simple blood test. There are a few that are diagnosed by doing a pelvic exam. If you're on your period, I don't think they'll be able to do the ones that require a pelvic exam. You may have to schedule a follow-up when you're not on your period for those tests.


Generally, when you go in, they'll ask you to fill out some paperwork. It usually asks the number of sexual partners you've had, if you've had unprotected sex, symptoms you might have, things like that. The doctor will speak to you about your answers and may ask more detailed questions. They'll probably check your weight and blood pressure, which is routine for about any doctor's visit.


The blood tests takes blood from your arm. If you have a habit of passing out, it's a good idea to tell whoever's drawing the blood so they're aware of it. The pelvic exam doesn't hurt, but might be a little uncomfortable.


I'm giving you a link to some information on STDs and how they're diagnosed.
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/pp2/portal/medicalinfo/sti/;jsessionid=F9C68718380A7E2D126711D18A64367B

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I use maxthon as my web browser. Recently it's been acting strangely. It tries to close itself and open new tabs without me asking it to. I'm about to run a virus scan but I've never heard of a virus that does that. Does anyone have any idea what else it could be?

It might be spyware or a browser hijacker. I would suggest running a virus scan just to be sure it's not a virus. I would follow up by scanning with Ad-Aware and Spybot to check for and remove spyware. Both are free to use and pretty user-friendly. I'm giving you the links to download them if you don't already have them. Make sure to check for updates before you scan.
http://www.safer-networking.org/en/download/index.html
http://www.lavasoftusa.com/software/adaware/

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