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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.
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This is something we will actually need! Soccer and jump rope may be fun, but defense is important. We could be threatened on the street, challenged,etc. Us girls need it the most. We are in risk of rape, domestic violence,etc. In gym boys do wrestling for a unit while girls do yoga. I have 3 arguments against that
1. Downward dog isn't gonna protect you from sexual harassment.
2. Girls need to know how to fight more whether society likes it or not, since we can't rely on natural strength
3. It won't even help boys defend themselves because say they are being jumped, by 3 or more guys 1 on 1 combat will be useless and you'll need to do more then to hold them down for 3 seconds to be able to get away and alert the cops
They need to be talking to us about the dangers of the real world and how to defend ourselves, it's not gonna be inappropriate, it'll be useful and it won't disturb/scare. And even if it does, we'll be glad we learned it when we still have our hard earned money, or not have AIDS, and we'll skip a lot of much more traumatizing experiences.
I agree with what Razhie has written though I also see your point. In the case of rape it is important to know how to defend yourself for in most instances of rape it is a one on one crime. When it is more than one it is usually because you are someplace you thought was safe such as a party or a friend’s house.
One on one self-defense skill can be useful if there is no weapon involved. What is important in a crime of violence is to survive. If the person attacking has a knife or a gun it is best to do as they say, try and keep calm and look for an opening to save yourself without being further harmed by the weapon they may have.
You make a point that young women, especially young women going off to college should have some form of self-defense training. This has been a needed skill for a long, long tome back before even your grandmother went to high school. You probably won't win the battle today or even while you are in public school. Someone though has to take on the challenge to change the minds of those who are responsible for educating our children.
This would be your local Board of Education. Following the State Board of Education guidelines and mandates they chose how to deliver your primary education. A self-defense class could be delivered as an elective, extra-curricular or mandatory class depending on how they decide to implement one should you be successful in convincing them to do so.
If you are willing to take up this challenge I have an organization you could call that might be willing to assist you. The organization is called RAINN which stands for Rape, Abuse, Incest, National Network. They operate a national hotline to help victims of these crimes and abuses. They also have programs they run to help educate and stop these crimes. They may be willing to help you with making your call for this training to the Board of Education. You can call them at 1-800-656-HOPE or go to their web site at, https://rainn.org/
I found disturbing porn on my bf's laptop, what should I do about it?
My boyfriend and I have been together for a whole now Recently I was using his computer and was trying to remember the name of the website he always uses he wasn't answering his phone so I decided to check the history I found it along with some disturbing porn. I found all types of porn he is 25, SO I DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH HIM VIEWING. I'm just saying that because many people may think I was mad that he did that, I'm not. Infact, he hasn't looked at barely any porn since we got together. What disturbed me was the nature of the content. Such as women in chains getting beaten badly then effed. And more disturbingly incest porn like brothers and sister doing various things So much disturbing material. I have to wonder if he'll ever be satisfied with what is considered normal sexual behavior and normal looking women that don't have fake breasts, etc. I find what he viewed werid and I don't know how to mention it to him or what to do about it please help :(
I would not be too upset with your boyfriend taste in porn. Porn viewing is not always a wish for reality but more of a fantasy. Something much like we were all taught that what we watch on TV and the movies is not real but entertainment. It doesn't mean that if you and your boyfriend are in a sexual relationship he wants to put you in chains and beat you. There are all sorts of porn on the web. You name the fetish you will find videos and stories about them. Most men use these fantasies as material to masturbate too. They are things they would never want to do with their wife of girlfriend though for masturbation purpose they are great.
Now one thing I do agree with the previous writer is that key in every relationship is communication. If you believe this relationship is one that could turn into a long term lifetime relationship or one you would like to turn into a life time relationship. Then you and your boyfriend need to communicate to and with each other on a number of subjects, sex being just one of them. What you need to communicate with each other is about you past, your families, your non sexual interests, your values and goals in life. Your sex life, interest, fantasies, views on, porn viewing, what you like, what you don't like and what you might be willing to try are a separate conversation altogether and should take place fully clothed outside the bedroom.
Since sex is a big part of our lives this is a conversation that should happen early in a relationship. Everything should be up for discussion. By everything I mean likes and dislikes in bed to whether joining a nudist club is something you would ever want to experience and everything in between. If you two are having intimate relations then there is nothing that should be too embarrassing to discuss between you.
Talk about the "disturbing material" you saw just understand one thing. What happens in the bedroom stays in the bedroom and nothing that happens between two consenting adults is weird. The operative word here is "consenting."
I've always been considered very pretty and I've always had lots of guys after me... just that they're all either my age, a year older or a year younger, whereas I have friends who aren't even that pretty nor interesting and they have guys that are 3 years older than them after them. Does anybody have any advice for me? Idk... I just feel insecure about this... I don't know why... (:
I wish you had put your present age in as it would make it easier to answer your question. Dating older men is not always the wise thing to do for several reasons, which I will get to in a moment.
If you are 18 and you want to date someone 21 that is not a problem. If you are 15 and want to date someone 18 or 19 this could cause a number of problems. The biggest problem with this scenario is a legal problem for the guy. If the boy is a8 or older and you are under the age of consent he can be arrested on a number of different charges. The biggest charge he would face is called statutory Rape. This is a felony and can carry prison terms as long as life in prison depending on the state.
Sex does not have to be happening between you and him for him to be arrested. All it takes is someone with a grudge against either of you to call the police and report him. Your parents could also make the report if you did not tell them you were dating an older boy. There are many reasons a 15 year old should not be dating someone 3 or 4 years older than her or himself for that matter. Just because your friends are doing it does not make it right.
While it does not appear that 3 years is a big difference in age. At your present age it is huge. A boy of 18 or 19 is far worldlier; I won't use the word mature for many 18 year old boys are not that mature, then you are. At 18 he has gone through all of the different aspects of dating and is going to go further than you should or would want to. This is how many teenage girls get in trouble, they are infatuated with the fact that a boy of his age is interested in a girl so much younger that they give in to him. Mostly out of fear of losing him though also because they have skipped over that period of time where they learn how to say no. When you are dating a boy your own age it is easier to say no and still keep him as boyfriend. For the simple reason of the fact that you are both feeling your way through this period of sex and dating and everything that goes with it.
I will be blunt here; what every young man wants from the time puberty hits him is sex. A boy your own age will settle, at first, for a hug and a kiss. Then as the two of you get more comfortable with dating and your sexuality he is going to want more. This is where you put what you have learned to use in fending him of if that is what you want and should be doing. You will not have the fear of losing him or being infatuated with someone older being interested in you.
Last; think about why would someone his age be interested someone your age. Simple answer is he is not getting what he wants from girls his age and can through infatuation get a girl your age to give him what he wants. It is really that simple.
Do not feel insecure over this. Instead feel good about the fact that the boys who are going after younger less pretty girls may know that you have a strong personality and will not put up with their pressures to get what they want from you. When it comes to teenage boys and sex think of electricity. They both follow the path of least resistance.
I live with my mother and stepdad, but a few weeks ago while walking with my grandmother, I came across my biological father and we made small talk and exchanged cell phone numbers. I haven't seen him in almost a decade and I really want to get to know him again as he does me. The problem is that him and my mother did not have the best history as I was growing up and now that I'm 22 I'm nervous that she may find out that I am in touch with him. Should I tell her or shoyld I keep it a secret?
The one overriding fact her is your age. You are 22 an adult fully responsible for your own life. Getting to know your biological father is important for several reasons. First and foremost you need to know your fathers medical history and the medical history of his parents. This is very important to your medical history. A lot of a person’s medical life happen in a decade that your mom is not aware of that may be important to you and later to your children should doctors need it in treating you.
Then there is the fact that parents are not always honest with children about why they split up. I'm not saying mom has lied to you. What ever happened between them was really between them and did not involve you. Your parents may have decided to shield you from whatever happened. His I'm sure has given you a one sided view of the divorce maybe even one that paints a bad picture of your dad.
You are old enough now to be able to separate the fiction from the non-fiction and decide for yourself what happened. You are also entitled to have a life with your father if you want one. There may come a day when you walk down the aisle to be married and you may want your father to walk you down the aisle. This is totally your choice for it will be your wedding. But your dad can only do so if you ask him and only if you have gotten to know him and trust him.
You have been fortunate that I believe your grandfather has been able to stand in for you absent father. Wouldn't it be nice when you have children if they had both a father and grandfather to depend on?
Remember whatever the problem was it was between mom and dad. You have every right to know your father and I suggest you do not hide it from your mother that you have made contact with him. If she objects first inform her of the first reason I gave you. Then tell mom of the fact that you are an adult and you have a right to know your father if you want to. That she divorced your father you did not.
I don't really know how to explain everything but I am going to try my best so you can understand my problem. I am going to start from the very begining from where it all started. I am sorry if if its to long but it'd the only I know how to explain it. Well here goes my dad died when I was little I am now a 25 year old female anf my life has been medded up ever since which dosnt make any since at all to me because I never really knew my dad because my parents divorced when I Was 3 because my dad molested me which I don't really remember that either its just what I was told and I only was allowe supervised vidits on the weekends with him. Not having my dad around messed up my life so much when I got older.when I turned 16 I stared going crazy and turned into a wild party gir l berf ore I turned 16 I was what you would call a goody goody. When I turned 16 I stared drinking smoking pot and having sex outside of marriage un protected but 2 years ago I got saved and dedicated my life to jesus christ as my lord and savior but awhile back I slipped with a couple of guys and I talked to pastor Justin about my mistake and he sau d I was being to hard on my self and he says everybidy makes mistakes is he right or do I need to jus t give up on everyhing and stop trying because no matter how hard I try I am not going to change that's just how I feel right now .like know matter how hard I try I am not going to change so why nother even trying ?
I'm not a very religious person though I have friends that are. If one of them were answering you they would say something like, the Lord never gives you more than you can handle, or that the Lord never asks for more than you can give.
From these words I would say that yes you are being too hard on yourself. We are human. We make mistakes, we hunger for that which we cannot have or should not have or do. This is all part of the human frailties.
Two years is a short period of time in which to reinvent one ‘self. You spent seven years living another life another way of life. You just don't throw a switch and change overnight. You are going to have yearnings.
Look at it this way. You need to lose 20 pounds so you go on a diet. During the first weeks of the diet you yearn for all the junk food you've been eating. You finally feel like you have it out of your system and one night you go to your mothers and there on the table is a double chocolate cake with double fudge icing. You know you shouldn't have any. You walk by it but come back again and again and again. You can just about taste that cake. To my way of thinking is this is where you found yourself when you slipped. In essence you picked up a knife and cut yourself a sliver of that cake and know you are beating yourself up over it.
Remember what I said above; YOUR HUMAN, YOU MADE A MISTAKE. You confessed your mistake to Pastor John and he has forgiven you. Learn from this mistake, allow it to make you stronger and move forward. Do not look back.
I just posted a long post about this and realized that I did not mention that I am not asking my husband to leave his son out, but 2/3 for his son and 1/3 for me is not fair to me. As I mentioned I gave up a nice home, moved in here, made improvements to the house, paid our living expenses because he lost his job and decided to wait to find 4 years until he could draw his social security instead of finding another job. His son is an addict and my husband has said before that he did not want his son to ever come into a windfall so to speak for fear of him overdosing. But yet it is one excuse after another when I bring this up. I'm tired of waiting and afraid of being forced out of the home. We live in the state of VA. I had previously lived in NC. Does anyone think I am being unreasonable to want at least 50/50?
No matter how I answer this question it is the wrong answer. Sure he is saying one thing and doing another. But the long and the short of it is his son is a part of him and you regardless of whether you're his first wife or fourteenth wife you are still a stranger. Blood is always going to be thicker than water.
I agree giving a windfall to an addict is the worst thing you can do. It will also probably shorten the addicts’ life as well.
The only suggestion I can come up with as an alternative to getting your husband to make an equal split or at least leaving the house to you. Is to get him to agree to purchase a life insurance police in an amount that will pay you an annual annuity that will supplement your Social Security benefit and your survivor benefit his Social Security.
If the two of you out live his addict son, which is very possible, this insurance policy would be an investment that can be cashed in at any time in the future and be used for living expenses at that time
Can a tax preparer report someone to the IRS? I asked a tax preparer to look over a tax return amendmend and she freaked out saying that I was acting odd and threatening to report me to the IRS. Can she?
Unfortunately she can if she so desires and thinks you are cheating on your taxes. The IRS pays a Bounty on reports of tax cheaters to those that report them.
If this person makes her living preparing taxes I would think it would be bad for her business to report people to the IRS. Then again it is her business and her livelihood that is at stake. IF you have nothing to hide and she does report you because of what you said, nothing will come of it. You could also be called in for an audit. Here again it does not mean you have done anything wrong and you may not have. The IRS audits a certain number of returns each year for accuracy.
If you are called in for an audit your rights will be spelled out in the letter you receive from the IRS. If the lady reviewed you taxes and signed off on them you can request she appear with you to explain how she reviewed then and any changes she made. This is what you pay for when you have someone prepare or review your taxes for you.
As I said to begin with if you prepared an honest return you have nothing to worry about.
I'm planning on starting college soon and I have to get extra on my student loan, so I can afford fuel to get back and forth. I'm wondering if it might be worth it to get a larger amount and use it to move out of my parents house before I graduate. I'm talking about 20k extra, so that I can buy furnishings and essentials for the apartment as well as have a little cushion afterwards.
Now as young as I sound right now, I'm actually in my 20s, so I have been weighing the pros and cons, but I'd really like an outsiders opinion.
Right now all I have is my boyfriends and he just told me he'd support me no matter what I decide to do. We will not be living together for another couple years, because he is overseas.
Health issues, family issues, and personal issues have kept me from going to school and moving out up until now, so I'm very antsy, and very ready, to move out and on my own. Thanks for your advice! :)
It has been some time since my child was in college and we looked at the student loan applications. I'm aware the housing for school can be part of the loan though increasing the loan and not using the funds for that purpose now; I'll just have to take your word that you can do this.
As to whether you should or should not do so. Consider the fact that student are almost like a mortgage. While they are low interest, depending on the principal amount of the loan; you could be paying back this loan long after you have replaced the furniture and moved out of the apartment you used the money for. Some student loans have a twenty year payback period.
My sons' student loans have been put in abeyance several times as he returned to school to continue his education. Now that he is finished and working in his profession. HIs degree is in Emergency Medicine and he is a Paramedic/Firefighter, he will be close to retirement before he is finished with his student loans.
Right now, just like a mortgage, most of his payment goes to the accrued interest, very little of what he pays each moth goes to principal. Each year more and more goes towards principal and less to interest. Still as I said he will be within spitting distance of retirement, so to speak before he retires this debt unless he pays it off earlier or make payments against principal.
This is the major drawback of a student loan. Regular consumer loans may cost more in financing charges but the payback period is shorter and it costs you less.
What you really need to do is sit down and work the numbers to see what works best for you. You should also take into consideration that major furniture stores run interest free sales several times a year. If you can take advantage of these sales you save considerable savings. I was offered as much as a 10% discount on one of these sales offering cash payment instead of financing the sale.
What can I do to get pregnant fast
For most women getting pregnant is a very natural act although it is not as easy as jut having sex.
For about 85% of women they are most fertile during the 7th and 21st day of their cycle. This is when and egg is ejected by the ovary (ovulating) and can be fertilized. Once fertilized it then has to make its way to the womb and attachés itself to the wall of the womb. If everything works correctly and a sperm, it only takes one, makes its way to the fallopian tube to fertile the women gets pregnant.
The problem comes is that the egg is only available for a short period of time for fertilization after it is ejected from the ovary. Knowing when ovulation occurs gives you the best chance at getting pregnant. There are kits sold at drug stores to help you track your cycle and determine when you ovulate. Engaging in sex just before and during this period will help you get pregnant fast though there is no guarantee.
I graduated college in 2010 with a medical related diploma. I have been struggling to find a entry level job related to my major. Every job I apply to I don't receive an answer or when I finally get the interview employers never pick me. "You're not what we are looking for", they tell me. I started to lose confidence in myself. It's been four years and the only solid job I had was because the other girl decided she didn't want it at the last minute. I was their third or forth choice. I quit after the company developed problems and had to downsize.
I went back to college to start fresh, changed my major, do something completely different, and reinvent myself. But a part of me is still stuck with the notion of not being good enough. I've become pessimist and mean towards others. I'm not that type of person but I can't stop myself. How can I stop this?
I don't believe anyone who can get through four years of college and graduate with a degree in a medically related field is not good enough. The problem most likely is you do not know how to interview. There is an art to interviewing. Some of us do it very well and some of us do it very poorly. As I found out when I was in the position of interviewing candidates many of the people who interview well sometimes turn out to be the worst choices for the job.
Understand that you have only one chance to make a good first impression and very little time to make one. Because of the present economy there can be hundreds of people applying for the one position. You made the first cut if you are granted and interview. Now you have to make a good impression on the interviewer.
You need to dress for success as they say. I always tell people I even if you are interviewing for a job as a ditch digger. You owe the person interviewing you the respect of showing up for the interview in clean clothes, with a bright smiling face. You leave the street talk in the street and use your Sunday morning church vocabulary when talking to the interviewer.
In your case I doubt your interviewing for a ditch diggers job. To start with; interviewers my age are turned off by body art and piercings. So ditch the tongue piercing and any other piercing except your earrings. Cover up as much as any body art that might normally show. Style your hair and if you have a strange color like purple or something else, until you find a job, change it to a more acceptable color or back to your natural color.
Dressing for success means to dress in the best clothes you have. A skirt and a blouse are always acceptable as is a nice pair of slacks and a blouse, sweater or polo shirt. This would be considered office casual which is the standard for most offices today. Wear a nice clean pair of shoes, High heels, pumps or loafers that are clean and polished. Do not wear tennis shoes or flip flops.
Now as for the interview itself: Do your homework on the company you are interviewing with. Find out as much about them as possible before the interview. Interviewers are famous for asking these two questions;
1. Why do you want to work for us and what do you have to offer us?
2. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
Before the interview take off your watch and put it in your purse. Interviewers take off points if you are constantly looking at your watch
The first of course is a compound question though it tells the interviewer a lot about you as does the second question which tells them if you have ambition.
If you don't have an answer for any question say so, don't try to make one up. Take a second or two before answering a question to formulate you answers. The two most important things to do are; to sit up straight and to look the interviewer in the eye when answering the question.
Now each of interviewer has their own style for interviewing. I once interviewed for a job and the interviewer ask me questions about my military career and nothing to do with the job I was applying for. He asked one question I could not give him the answer for. Not that I didn't know the answer just that what he asked about as far as I knew was still considered top secret and I told him so. I left thinking I would not get the job. By the time I got home he had called my wife to tell her the job was mine if I wanted it and to call him back to set another appointment to discuss the terms.
I've told you this so you so as you do not second guess what the interviewer is attempting. After I had the job I asked him why he asked about my military career. He told me he knew nothing about the work I did in the Military and if I could make him understand what I did I could make people understand his product.
So listen to the question, formulate you answer and reply looking the interviewer in the eye. IF you haven't been doing what I've written here then if you follow my advice I believe you will have better success. Good luck
hi I am in so much pain..i love my boyfriend very much.i cant live without him..but my parents are not agree to marry me with him..today I I wanted to commit suicide but when I see this site..i just give up my decision of suicide..if I commit suicide my bf will also commit it..what can I do
From your writing I can tell that English may not be your first language. If you live in a western English speaking country then the religious beliefs I feel being placed on you by your parents are not binding under western laws.
What I believe or perceive from you writing is that you are of Muslim decent, possible from India or a neighboring country. The religious teachings of the Muslims to honor the parents are very strong but in Western Society it also infringes on your rights as an Adult.
In Western Society you have the right as an adult to pick and choose who you wish to marry. You cannot be forced into an arranged marriage or be forced not to marry your true love. IN Western Society, specifically in the USA there is a separation of church and state.
If you live in a Western country you do not have to follow your parents’ wishes as to who to marry. By western laws there is nothing they can do to stop you or undo and marriage.
Now suicide as a solution to your problem does only one thing and it is final. It does not allow for you to marry the one you love. It will probably cause your parent to be hurt but not cause them to change their minds. You accomplish nothing by committing suicide.
Instead I recommend you follow your heart and marry the one you love. As a parent I feel regardless of how strong their religious and traditional teaching may me they will eventually come to terms with your marriage. I cannot think of anything my daughter could do that could cause me to cut her from my life forever.
As parents we are all alike in that manner. When the grandchildren come along it is even harder to stay away as grandchildren are a very special part of being a parent. It is the extension of the family. You are a part of your parents therefore by extension your children are a part of them as well and there is an overriding force that needs to be fulfilled by being with the grandchildren.
Remember these things. If you are over 18 living in a western country you are and adult. As an adult you are responsible for yourself not your parents. It is your life and you have to live it. You need to do what make you happy and only you.
Pleasing your parents which up until you became an adult was the primary focus of your life is now a distant third. Your primary focus now is to please yourself first, then your husband and the family you raise with him. This should be your focus now, suicide just stops everything.
Okay so I'm fourteen, 5'3 (or 5'2 or 5'4.. Not sure), and I weigh between 120 to 130 pounds.
So I was overweight in elementary school. Is it possible to still have that fat? I'm in ninth grade. I lost weight from eating healthily in sixth and seventh grade, but I may have gained some pounds. I'm not happy with all the fat on my stomach and face.
Okay, so my stomach is like huge. All my weight goes there somehow. It scares me because it makes me somehow believe I could've got pregnant (I know... But what if some guys' pants got to my front area while he bumped into me or something?). It scares me. And when I sit down, I have like 3 rolls and it's embarrasing. There's 2 big ones and one small one. I'm able to suck in my stomach to make it not noticeable, but I hate having to do that. What can I do? I've been eating so much healthier lately, doing jumping jacks, sit ups, lunges, etc.
Continue to eat healthy and exercise so that your weight remains appropriate for your height and age. The excess fat as you call it may not be fat at all but excess skin.
When we are overweight our skin stretches to accommodate the weight gain. Depending on how much you were overweight, how long you were overweight and how quickly you lost that weight, your skin may not have shrunk back. It may not ever shrink back depending on the variables I mentioned.
As long as you remain in the puberty years this is not something to worry about as you are still growing and as you gain height that excess skin will be stretched to cover the growth. Puberty ends in general between a person’s 18th and 20 something birthday, usually before age 25.
Once you reach age 18 you can talk to a plastic surgeon about a tummy tuck to remove the excess skin. If the surgeon feels you are finished with puberty they will perform the operation. In general with the exception of a nose job plastic surgeons will not perform elective surgery on people under 18 or between 18 and 21 depending on how they stand with puberty.
What is important now and for the next 4 years is to eat healthy and exercise. By the way the only way you can get pregnant is through sexual intercourse which is a male' penis goes inside your vagina an ejaculates sperm. Bumping you cannot make you pregnant.
I am on birth control and have been for a while now, My fiancé and I want to see what it feels like for him cum inside of me but I don't think we are quite settled enough to have a baby yet (although we want one in the future) If I let him evacuate inside of me and take the morning after pill what are the chances of me getting pregnant?
I'm not a doctor but I would suggest before you follow through with your plan you check with your doctor who is prescribing your birth control medication. The medication in the morning after pill is the same medication that is in most of the birth control pills; just in extremely heavy doses. Taking the morning after pill in conjunction with your birth control pill can or may be harmful to you.
Remember one thing about the morning after pill. It was designed to prevent a pregnancy in someone who for whatever reason could become pregnant after unprotected intercourse and is not on any other type of birth control.
A better way to allow you boyfriend to have unprotected sex is to allow him to do so when you are not ovulating. In general 85% of women ovulate between the 7th and 21st day of their cycle. This is known as their fertile period. The time just before and just after is known as their safe period to have sex.
Now the other 15% can ovulate at any time during their cycle including while having their period. If you do not know when you ovulate talk to your pharmacists about a kit they sell that will help you pin point when you ovulate. Once you know this then you can allow your boyfriend his one chance.
As for your current plan; PLEASE, PLEASE TALK TO YOUR DOCTOR BEFORE YOU DO THIS. You don't want to make yourself sick or possibly sterile for life.
I am 24 years old. My father has done everything he can to provide for my family and myself and he has definitely succeeded. We have not had a good relationship since I was in middle school maybe 12/13 years old. Nothing he did just never really bonded or gave him the time of day I suppose. I know this hurts him. Fast forward to present day, I have been dating a sweet boy for almost 2 years. He has tattoos and because of this my dad refused to meet him in the beginning. A few months into the relationship, he asked me if we were sleeping together and I replied honestly that we were. This pretty much ruined whatever little bit of relationship I had with my dad, he said he was ashamed and no longer had respect for me and not to mention even more refusal to ever meet my boyfriend. For the past 2 years we have had several arguments over my boyfriend. Yesterday, my dad told me to end the relationship (we had a previous fight about egg donation, i signed up my dad wasn't happy with it and said my boyfriend has no respect for supporting my decision to possibly donate eggs) and if I didn't he would disown me. So I broke up with my boyfriend right after that conversation. I feel this was the wrong decision for several reasons:
1. I still love him
2. The relationship is succeeding
3. Boyfriend had no say of our outcome
4. My father made the decision
5. This was also said out of anger
6. Dad still has not met boyfriend
So I suppose what I am seeking advice for is what I can do in a situation like this. He pays for my school (I am in my last year for my BA) and I still live at home. I am hoping to move out within the next year but would like to do so peacefully and mutually. Was I wrong for ending things with my boyfriend because it's what my dad wanted? I am so torn, I don't want to lose my dad but I also don't want to lose this relationship especially on these terms. I feel my dad is manipulating me, help!!
'm sure there is a little more to this story than what you wrote. As an advisor of many years and someone old enough to be your grandfather I understand we receive the reader’s digest version of these problems.
Yours is a little different of a problem in that in general it is father and son or mother and daughter that don't get along in the teenage years. In general though by the time a person reached your age the parent usually understands THAT THE CHILD IS NO LONGER A CHILD BUT AN ADULT IN THEIR OWN RIGHT. At age 24 you most certainly are an adult.
With being an adult comes certain rights among them are the right to a sex life and the right to pick and choose who you want as friends and significant others. I believe your father for some reason does not see you as an adult this is problem number one. Now most fathers with a daughter will always see their daughters as their little girls even when they are all grown up and have a family of their own. That is just the way father and daughters are. The difference is that most fathers do see their daughters as adults but still want to protect them. Your father has not made this transition, he is a controller and controllers never change.
Your father has made a judgment of this young man based on tattoos. To be honest I'm not a fan of tattoos but I would never make a judgment based strictly on them. Your father is judging a book by its cover and this is wrong. It is also shows your father to be very judgmental a trait of someone who is a controller.
Why your father is a controller I can't say. One reason is a character flaw and another is part of a mental illness possibly some type of depression. The first can't be fixed but can be taught how to correct. The other is fixable through therapy. Problem is the controller has to realize the problem and want to correct it which is something you cannot do for them.
After this all said and done you have the possible why of it all and yes your dad is manipulating you. He has no reason to do so and you have no reason to listen other than to be a good daughter. Listen to what he has to say, take it into consideration and make your own decision. You are an adult; you are responsible for your own decisions regardless of whether you live at home or not.
In essence it is like if you decide to rob a bank, the fact that you live at home at your age does not make you a child. You will be seen as an adult and treated as one. The same goes for how you live your life. If dad threatens not to pay for the remaining college apply for Pell Grants, and other grants available to you. Take out student loans to cover the difference and finish college. Then get a job and move out.
Most important is for you to be an adult and try to keep some type of peaceful coexistence between you and your father. That does not mean giving up the man you love to placate him. It means there are other ways to exist in your home without arguing with him every day.
We don't live in a house, we live in an apartment. We aren't like totally poor or anything, but we're not rich either. My parents have good paying jobs I guess, but there's so many bills they have to pay. Possibly over a thousand dollars a month or something for different things. I'm not of age to work yet and I have bad anxiety, so I'm unable to work. I just don't know what to do. I can't get things I'd love to have because of money issues. I hate it. I'm not an ungrateful brat, we just don't have much money and I don't know what to do...
Don't take what I am about to say wrong for it is not meant in a bad way. There are people out there that might say you are being an ungrateful brat as you have far more than many others.
You have a nice place to live. You have nice clean clothes to wear to school. You have good food and all the necessities of life. That puts you far above a great many people. Many of whom may even be attending your school.
You are among the lucky children in your school whose parents actually have jobs. I'm sure you’re aware that over the last few years many parents lost their jobs and with it their homes, cars and much of everything they worked hard to get.
Your mom and dad are among the lucky to have jobs and work hard to provide you with the necessities and I'm sure when it is affordable they do provide some of the things you desire to have.
I can't tell you why your parents have so many bills. What I can tell you it costs a lot of money to raise a family and it costs money just to go to work. I was disabled while working and forced to retire. I was surprised at what it cost me to actually leave the house each week. I drove a company car with the company paying the expenses for the car. I thought my cost to leave the house could not be more than $5 to $10 a day. Was I surprised to see how much money we had at the end of the month almost double what we expected.
Every little thing adds up; you have medical bill, dental bill, insurance, rent, electric bills, food, clothing, haircuts, toiletries school supplies, college funds. It would be nice if there was a little money for mom and dad to have some together time as well.
The questioners’ information says you are 17. You are old enough to work; all you need is working papers from school. The anxiety problems you have should be treatable by your doctor at least well enough so you can function and work. If you find an after school job then the money you earn a portion should be set aside for college. The rest is you’re to spend on those things your parent cannot afford to buy you.
If you remember nothing else of what I have written remember this. YOU ARE FAR BETTER OFF THAN MANY OTHERS. SOMEONE OR OTHERS IN YOUR SCHOOL WILL BE SLEEPING IN THEIR CAR OR HOMELESS SHELTER TONIGHT WHILE YOU ARE WARM AND COZY IN YOUR BED.
I had a laparoscopic appendectomy with 3 incisions a month ago. Everything is healing well and I'm slowly going back to my normal routine. The stitches are still there but the outer skin is almost fully healed. Doc said it's going to take about 2 months for the inner tissue to reattach. This morning, I stretched my opposite arm up subconsciously and felt a snap on one of the incisions underneath the skin. It was painful. I called my doctor. He said to take some motrin and take it easy for the rest of the day. I did what he said and took a nap. I moved a little there was the snapping feeling again. It's not painful now but I am a little worried.
The stitches used to close the interior part of the incision are self-dissolving and are usually gone within a month no more than two. What you are probably feeling and why the doctor told you to take Motrin is scar tissue tearing. Scar tissue forms anytime we cut ourselves including on the inside during an operation.
Things had to be moved in order to get to the appendix. To do so sometimes the doctor needs to cut things so they can gain access to where they need to be. This causes scar tissue when these cuts heal. This scar tissue is sometimes is called adhesion because it causes something to adhere to something else.
You stretching may have caused one of the adhesions to tear which is not usually a problem. If your doctor thought it was he would have told you to come to the office or to go to a hospital Emergency room. If the pain returns or persists call the doctor back or dial 911 and have them take you to the nearest ER.
19/m
I want to become a better person. Someone that isn't so hard on themselves, people always tell me that I am very hard on myself. I think I am too, well lately I have been agreeing with what others told me. During high school I was always down in the dumps, I would have some days I would be happy but most days I was neutral that would lead to being down. Now that I started college (3 weeks in) I have been feeling a bit better but I still feel down during the day. I try to cheer myself up but I don't know how.
I want to become a better person. I want to become a role model, someone that is always happy, well not necessarily always happy but someone is more happy than I am now. I was feel negative. I feel out of place with other people, like I don't fit in. I am always quiet around people in groups, I'm the person never really included in the group, the kid that you see walking behind a group of people. If that makes sense. I wanna just become a better person. I want to change my life and become just a new person. I don't really know how to become someone that is positive, and can make the best out of a situation. I always am in situations that I get down about. Like currently I have a health issue that has not been able to go away for a few years. The doctors don't seem to be able to help me with it but it doesn't really hinder me in any ways except my self esteem and what I think of myself. The health issue is similar to Angular Chilitis except it isn't that because none of the medicines i have been prescribed help it so I think the doctors are not treating it right but that is another issue... I just want to be able to look in the mirror and say I am a good person, look at any situation in my life and still be positive, hence the health issue example, I know I should be super happy I can still participate in all day activities because my health is good besides that, hopefully makes sense.
Also I want to be a better person because I hate thinking about what other people have done to me, and I can't get over it. Example would be my recent ex girlfriend. She got back with me but she played me as a rebound waiting for her ex. I know I shouldn't be hung up about what she did to me but it bothers me. Some days I want to just text her telling her bad stuff but I know it isn't right so I don't do it. I juust want to be able to climb over the barrier of what people have done to me, no matter what they did. She isn't the first girl to have done something like that and I know time takes it away but I want to start to put things into my own hands.
Sorry for the wall text, especially if this makes no sense. I don't know how to put what I feel/think into words for you guys to help me, I did my best though.
any help would be appreciated. thank you :)
One of the best ways I know how to feel good about myself is a motto I came up with. "The only person I have to be better than is the person I am today." What that means to me is I don't have to be in competition with anyone but myself. If I can be a better person tomorrow than I am today; that means I've grown and I have learned something and I am a better person for growing and learning.
We can be leaders without being role models simply by doing what is required of us or what we require of ourselves to obtain the goals in life we set for ourselves. My neighbor is a role model though he says he is not. He grew up in a very poor section of a neighboring county where the majority of the young people end up in gangs, selling dope and doing other bad things.
He is the exception he lives next door to me in a county that is the third richest in the country. He got here because he applied himself and became a firefighter/Paramedic. Now he is a Captain and duty supervising paramedic when on shift. He mentored my son who wanted to follow another career path but he saw something in my son and mentored him into the fire department, not the same one, as a paramedic/firefighter. My son has done him one better and now teaches others to become paramedics at the local community college as well as his firefighter/paramedic job .
My neighbor didn't have to mentor my son to become a role model or a leader. Simply by getting out of the ghetto and obtaining his goals in life he became a role model. You don't have to over achieve to be a role model you just have to achieve your goals in life.
As for feeling better about yourself; after reading what you have written I would suggest you talk with a therapist. The college medical center can set you up with one. I see something in your past that is causing your self-image problems. Part of it is your medical condition but part of it is something else that you almost touched on.
A good therapist will help you get to the root cause of what that may be. Just remember what is said in therapy stays in therapy. No one ever gets to hear what is said in therapy not even your parents.
In October 2012, my church had an AWESOME revival that changed my life. It lasted from Sunday morning to Wednesday night for about two or three hours a service and I STILL couldn't get enough of hearing the guest pastor.
He was the greatest pastor I've ever heard and in many of his services, he talked about how he was a cancer survivor. I heard today on the news that he is dealing with cancer again. He lives about an hour away from me and is pretty popular where he lives
The news story was about how a local football team was honoring him by putting his initials on their football helmets for the next game.
My question is should I send this guy a card or a gift or something to let him know that I'm thinking about him? He'd have no idea who I was because we never personally met, but he'd know my church. Would that be too weird, or do you think he'd appreciate that?
My wife is a Breast Cancer Survivor. We found that beating this disease is 90% attitude and 10% good doctors. Good friends and well-wishers contribute greatly to the 90%.
I think a card or a letter telling him you are praying for him and wishing him well is the greatest thing you can do to help him beat this disease. If you like you can also tell him how much you enjoyed his sermons and are looking forward to the next time he visits your church.
I don't feel a gift from someone outside his Parish is appropriate. Cards and letters wishing him well are always appropriate and may be sent repeatedly as you hear more and more about his recovery.
Ok so this is the backstory. I broke up with my ex about four months ago we dated for seven years. I am over him ive developed a serious relationship with a guy ive known for seven or eight years. he lives in DE i live in IL right now. I do hair for a living and while i make great money its not enough to pay for rent and everything else. I am in a situation where i have to find a new place to live in a couple months. Ive got nothing holding me back and i want to move out there not just for him but for me. Ive always been the type that has done what my family has pushed me to do not necessarily what i wanted to do. Ive told my family and they all just look at me like im strange or something i told them its not just for him but for me to get a fresh start how do i handle all this not even sure what my question is i guess just perspective?
There are two ways or two perspectives with which to look at your situation and we can leave out the love interests as they could be immaterial in one perspective.
Your 20 years old according to what I see on the age information on the questioner. In one sense that is not all that young or very old. You have chosen to move almost 800 miles from home where you have a support system in place to someplace where there is no support system other than a developing relationship.
The different prospective are which is better staying where you have a support system in place or going off on your own to find a new life. Both have a lot to offer. Depending where in IL you live the cost of living could be about the same or greater in DL. Something you need to think about. Given today's economy it is very important for a young person like yourself to have a support system in place; this is most likely the reason for the looks you are getting from your family. The other prospective is if staying where you are is causing you to hurt physically and mentally then moving away for a fresh start is a good idea. Though moving should be done not in a rush but in a reasonable defined manner.
We cannot make this choice for you that is up to you. You are an adult and you have the right to make up your own mind. Yes hear your parents and friends out on what they have to say, take in to consideration their advice. In the end you make the final decision.
If the decision is to move do so in an orderly manner just don't quit your job, pack up the car and move. What I suggest is this. Take a week and go visit:
1: Look for a new job.
2: Look for a place to call home. You can look to share an apartment with someone or you can rent a room from someone to save expenses.
3: Do not count on or plan on nor would I suggest moving in with this new love relationship. There are several reason for this the main one is you need time to be free from attachments. You need time to heal; one of the main reasons I am not trying to talk you into staying where you are.
4: I would suggest you have enough in savings to carry you for a few months while you build up a clientele the salon you chose to work at.
Once everything is in place and you have given this the due diligence this change in life requires then follow your decision.
hey am 18 now am a kind of person
that crys over silly things and who
doesn't cry on important times i
can't figure out whats wrong with
me, all my family crys when they
say goodbye, they cry when they
see a tragic show, but i don't.... i
am not a bad person but this thing
is bothering me so bad, because it
has happened many times, when
every body crys i don't , but when
someone yells at me i cry ,when am
angry i cry, when am alone i cry so
what should i call this behaviour,
please help am so worried!!!!
I really do not think there is anything wrong with you. We all have different emotions and different emotional levels. Just because your family cries at the drop of a hat doesn't mean everyone or you should as well. It could also be that maybe as for when family leaves you don't feel as close to them as the other members of your family do. I have family members I don't care for and when they visit I'm nice to them though I can't wait for them to leave.
When someone yells at you then you have every right to cry whether they have reason to yell at you or not. When a person yells at you they are verbally attacking you. Crying is a defense mechanism as well as an emotion.
As for when tragedy happens to others; it really depends on the tragedy and how close you are to the other person. For many years I was a first responder/firefighter. How could I possibly do my job if I broke down and cried at every tragedy I saw. Yes tragedy affects all of us including first responders. We handle it, we take care of the problem then we handle the event. Generally we tell each other very inappropriate jokes then no one would understand but it breaks the tension for us. We repack and get ready for the next call.
Everyone handles tragedy in their own way tears are not always required. Many times strength is required to support the person or persons most affected by the tragedy. Maybe you are the person with that strength who can deal with the tragedy in the present then goes home and cries when you’re alone.
I'm not a psychologist so I really cannot give you any type of medical opinion. As I said I don't think there is anything wrong with you, I believe you to be normal. If you feel otherwise then seek out a psychologist.