|
Becoming A Better Person
19/m
I want to become a better person. Someone that isn't so hard on themselves, people always tell me that I am very hard on myself. I think I am too, well lately I have been agreeing with what others told me. During high school I was always down in the dumps, I would have some days I would be happy but most days I was neutral that would lead to being down. Now that I started college (3 weeks in) I have been feeling a bit better but I still feel down during the day. I try to cheer myself up but I don't know how.
I want to become a better person. I want to become a role model, someone that is always happy, well not necessarily always happy but someone is more happy than I am now. I was feel negative. I feel out of place with other people, like I don't fit in. I am always quiet around people in groups, I'm the person never really included in the group, the kid that you see walking behind a group of people. If that makes sense. I wanna just become a better person. I want to change my life and become just a new person. I don't really know how to become someone that is positive, and can make the best out of a situation. I always am in situations that I get down about. Like currently I have a health issue that has not been able to go away for a few years. The doctors don't seem to be able to help me with it but it doesn't really hinder me in any ways except my self esteem and what I think of myself. The health issue is similar to Angular Chilitis except it isn't that because none of the medicines i have been prescribed help it so I think the doctors are not treating it right but that is another issue... I just want to be able to look in the mirror and say I am a good person, look at any situation in my life and still be positive, hence the health issue example, I know I should be super happy I can still participate in all day activities because my health is good besides that, hopefully makes sense.
Also I want to be a better person because I hate thinking about what other people have done to me, and I can't get over it. Example would be my recent ex girlfriend. She got back with me but she played me as a rebound waiting for her ex. I know I shouldn't be hung up about what she did to me but it bothers me. Some days I want to just text her telling her bad stuff but I know it isn't right so I don't do it. I juust want to be able to climb over the barrier of what people have done to me, no matter what they did. She isn't the first girl to have done something like that and I know time takes it away but I want to start to put things into my own hands.
Sorry for the wall text, especially if this makes no sense. I don't know how to put what I feel/think into words for you guys to help me, I did my best though.
any help would be appreciated. thank you :)
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Miscellaneous category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Doesn't Fit Any Of These Categories?
One of the best ways I know how to feel good about myself is a motto I came up with. "The only person I have to be better than is the person I am today." What that means to me is I don't have to be in competition with anyone but myself. If I can be a better person tomorrow than I am today; that means I've grown and I have learned something and I am a better person for growing and learning.
We can be leaders without being role models simply by doing what is required of us or what we require of ourselves to obtain the goals in life we set for ourselves. My neighbor is a role model though he says he is not. He grew up in a very poor section of a neighboring county where the majority of the young people end up in gangs, selling dope and doing other bad things.
He is the exception he lives next door to me in a county that is the third richest in the country. He got here because he applied himself and became a firefighter/Paramedic. Now he is a Captain and duty supervising paramedic when on shift. He mentored my son who wanted to follow another career path but he saw something in my son and mentored him into the fire department, not the same one, as a paramedic/firefighter. My son has done him one better and now teaches others to become paramedics at the local community college as well as his firefighter/paramedic job .
My neighbor didn't have to mentor my son to become a role model or a leader. Simply by getting out of the ghetto and obtaining his goals in life he became a role model. You don't have to over achieve to be a role model you just have to achieve your goals in life.
As for feeling better about yourself; after reading what you have written I would suggest you talk with a therapist. The college medical center can set you up with one. I see something in your past that is causing your self-image problems. Part of it is your medical condition but part of it is something else that you almost touched on.
A good therapist will help you get to the root cause of what that may be. Just remember what is said in therapy stays in therapy. No one ever gets to hear what is said in therapy not even your parents.
]
When I was in high school, it was a nightmare for me, college did brig better times. That being the case, along with other specific aspects of your situation, I can assure you that I can relate.
For some of us, for any number of possible reasons, we do tend to be hard on ourselves. This can be especially problematic when we internalize our feelings and when it hinders us from connecting with others.
I think there is something we need to distinguish first here, you're struggles in no way suggest that you are a bad person and thus it's not so much that you are looking to be a better person but to experience life much richly and fully.
It's not possible for any person to always be happy. But, it is possible to not let sadness linger and to in some cases turn it into a positive in some way or another.
My suggestions, based on personal experiences quite similar to those you describe, would be the following steps:
1. Having moved into college is a transitional time in your life. Take that opportunity to make a personal transition into the person you want to be.
2. Seek out a professional therapist or counselor. They are out there for a reason after all, to help people like you.
3. Study up on the idea of cognitive distortions. A great source that I recommend is the book "Feeling Good" by Dr. David Burns.
4. Join offline groups, like perhaps through Meetup.com or online forums to meet people going through a similar situation. Trust me, there are a lot of them.
5. You may want to even practice meditation or self hypnosis. They might sound a bit silly but if these things didn't have benefits, people wouldn't have kept doing them for thousands of years.
Above all, try to remind yourself that you are a person, just like anyone else, and deserving of respect, even from yourself.
]
More Questions: |