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parents and love: if I commit suicide my bf will also commit it..what can I do ?
hi I am in so much pain..i love my boyfriend very much.i cant live without him..but my parents are not agree to marry me with him..today I I wanted to commit suicide but when I see this site..i just give up my decision of suicide..if I commit suicide my bf will also commit it..what can I do
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I married a man that my parents were extremely against. They tried everything to keep me away from him. They told me that they wouldn't talk to me if I stayed with him, but I loved him enough to take the risk so we stayed together. Now we're married and although I had to deal with a lot of crap from my parents they eventually came around to like him. So if you love him enough just stay with him and everything will work out once you're old enough to make your decisions for yourself
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Well I get that you have a lot of problems being without your boy toy, but look at it this way your parents cant control you for ever can they. so if you really do love the guy just wait till your old enough to marry him with our your parents consent. But then again most people who get married young don't end up staying together in the end and even if your parents hate the guy they have to get use to the greater picture in life if they want you in their life's then they better get used to your man. lol later
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Here is one fact: you CAN live without him, and at at some point, even in the best of circumstances, will probably have to. Nearly everywhere in the world women outlive men, often by as much as 10 years, and in the majority of couples, the man is already older than the woman. Even if you did marry and stay together for 60 years, you would very likely outlive him. Let's say he dies peacefully of old age. Now at 70+ years old with your children and grandchildren you raised together, would you commit suicide and leave them all without any parents all at once? NO! That would be a cruel and selfish thing to do, and your boyfriend (then husband) would want you to be stronger than that.
So even in the best possible of outcomes, you can live without him, will likely have to live without him at some point, and are strong enough to live without him. None of that that makes the love you feel and the experiences you've shared any less meaningful. Dying doesn't improve relationships. Even if your worldview allows for an afterlife where you imagine being together, is suicide permissible? In most religions, it's forbidden and would keep you apart in the afterlife as well. I don't know what happens for sure, but I feel confident your bargaining power here on earth is stronger than anywhere else.
Do you want your parents to agree to the match? Stop acting like an insane little 12 year old driven mad by infatuation and incapable of reasoning and without skill in getting what she wants. It's no wonder that your parents are hesitant to feel happy about a union that drives you to selfish and childish ideas like suicide over what will someday seem like a minor delay or small frustration. Here is the truth, you will be able to marry him one day if you are determined and use your negotiation skills, but you have to gather your strength and make a better case for it than just quitting at life as soon as a small difficulty comes up.
Your parents do not own you, and even if it seems like they do now, they won't forever, and even if they "owned" you, you can find a way make them see that it is in your and their best interest to choose your love if he's really as wonderful as you believe. Rationally engage your parents in dialogue. Figure out what it is that causes them to object. If it's that you're too young, give it time and you will be less young every day. If they see a serious defect in his character, tell him to act better, be more responsible and level-headed, don't be so ready to kill himself, for instance, over a minor roadblock.
You can do so many things while remaining alive. First try talking to your parents. If that doesn't work, wait until you're old enough to move out on your own. As soon as you can support yourselves, you could try just leaving together. Be tougher, strengthen yourself for when you really will have to live without him, because you won't have any say in the matter when old age takes him, but the years full of joy and love between now and then will make you glad you persevered with this life.
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From your writing I can tell that English may not be your first language. If you live in a western English speaking country then the religious beliefs I feel being placed on you by your parents are not binding under western laws.
What I believe or perceive from you writing is that you are of Muslim decent, possible from India or a neighboring country. The religious teachings of the Muslims to honor the parents are very strong but in Western Society it also infringes on your rights as an Adult.
In Western Society you have the right as an adult to pick and choose who you wish to marry. You cannot be forced into an arranged marriage or be forced not to marry your true love. IN Western Society, specifically in the USA there is a separation of church and state.
If you live in a Western country you do not have to follow your parents’ wishes as to who to marry. By western laws there is nothing they can do to stop you or undo and marriage.
Now suicide as a solution to your problem does only one thing and it is final. It does not allow for you to marry the one you love. It will probably cause your parent to be hurt but not cause them to change their minds. You accomplish nothing by committing suicide.
Instead I recommend you follow your heart and marry the one you love. As a parent I feel regardless of how strong their religious and traditional teaching may me they will eventually come to terms with your marriage. I cannot think of anything my daughter could do that could cause me to cut her from my life forever.
As parents we are all alike in that manner. When the grandchildren come along it is even harder to stay away as grandchildren are a very special part of being a parent. It is the extension of the family. You are a part of your parents therefore by extension your children are a part of them as well and there is an overriding force that needs to be fulfilled by being with the grandchildren.
Remember these things. If you are over 18 living in a western country you are and adult. As an adult you are responsible for yourself not your parents. It is your life and you have to live it. You need to do what make you happy and only you.
Pleasing your parents which up until you became an adult was the primary focus of your life is now a distant third. Your primary focus now is to please yourself first, then your husband and the family you raise with him. This should be your focus now, suicide just stops everything.
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Don't commit suicide. Even if your boyfriend does it too, what will that prove? No matter how much you hate your parents right now, I know they still love you. Maybe you'll be able to convince them that you should marry your boyfriend. Just don't commit suicide. I might not be too much help, but just think about it. Your family loves you. <3
Good luck :)
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