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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

advice

I have been dating this guy in school for close to a year now,After our long break, i noticed we don't communicate as usual. when he came to visit me in my hostel, i had a friend with me,he and that my friend talked for hours to the extent of ignoring me. somedays when am passing by(cos we live in the same neighborhood) he talks to my housemates, and ignores me,this has been going on for a long time. our chat that used to be long and interesting has become super boring, and he used to come over at least 3times a week, now he comes once a week, and he is always pressing his phone till he falls asleep.. Is he losing interest in me?.. Cos when i asked him,he said he is still interested in us,but i am losing interest already due to his behavior

Is he still interested? He might be and he might be doing the best he is capable of. What matters just as much is what it is that you are looking for in a boyfriend and possible future long term relationship, married or not.

Heres some things to keep in mind:
1,
Both people need to be putting equal efforts into the relationship if it is to survive or be a healthy happy one. Here's a quote about that. "Happily ever after doesn't happen just because we wish it so. It only happens when both people put in maximum effort to make it so.
2.
Not all people are created with the same pheromones and there's nothing you can do to change his or yours to match each others better.
I figure pheromones are what people are referring to when we say theres chemistry or not. This lack of closely matching pheremones makes the difference from a person being interesting or boring. Take it another step and its the difference in a kiss feeling its from a passionate lover vs the feeling if the passionate kiss came from a male relative.
3.
I look for consistancy in a person. It does take some time to give a person a chance to prove themselves before you or hang themselves. What a person acts like, what they stand for, their morals, character, beliefs, etc. should remain stable and the same. Sometimes it simply comes with maturity as you get older plus a little effort. Others have to work harder at it. You are looking for contradictions here. Sweet at first, then angry and yelling even tho they say they are laid back, easy going and don't get angry easily.
While its understandable for some things to change if they are in search mode, lets say for a religious belief, or what is morally okay, if they have already found that which resonates with them, there is no reason to be changing drastically back and forth all the time. That's what I had with first husband. Inconsistent. So the good times grew shorter, while the bad times grew longer until there were no more good moments with him at all.
Its for you to determine if he's young enough that he hasn't yet decided who he really is and what he wants, or whether this is as good as you can ever expect from him.

With every man you ever date, I want you to make a list of any traits you really like in him, or things you find you actually need in a guy. Make a list of what you don't like and won't tolerate ever also. A need is a must have, meaning its a deal breaker if its not present in him. A want is more of a desire, like long vs short hair but isn't really a deal breaker. It doesn't matter how short or long a time you dated. However when you come across behavior you don't like, the reason you're seeing it is because of cracks in the facade a person presents to you. So if he says he is a patient man but the first time he's impatient with you, you can expect that there's more of that trait where the one came from. Its nice to think the best only of a person but when going into a relationship its a risky choice to blindly believe that every person comes with a one time only bad attitude and will never repeat it cus it was only a coincidence.

Keep all this in mind when determining whether he's a keeper or whether there's something that can be changed, or whether its time to leave him. That is your decision dear. Good luck.

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Me and my boyfriend have been friends for 3 years before we recently started dating 2 weeks ago. Since we've been dating i learned (already) that my boyfriend hasnt really took the time to know me that well. We just talked alot and we went to the movies and he was really sweet to me when he was pursuing me but he never really took the time to get to know me as a person. As a result, i find myself unable to confide in him with personal problems i may be dealing with. I told him i feel like im a stranger to him. The thing is i know him very well. I always ask him questions about his life because im interested in him. But he hasnt done the same and whenever i mention something about myself im somehow "bragging" (he says this in a teasing way but he says it every time i say something about me so there has to be some truth to it). We are always talking about him and his interests and memories of his. I told him all of this and that i feel like he doesnt really act like he takes an interest in me as a person (he shows affection alot but he doesnt ask about myself). When i confronted him on this (on the phone) he was getting really upset telling that he likes me alot and he is interested and he has shown it. I suggested maybe we should take a step back until we know eachother better and he got even more upset. He says we shouldnt break up over this but he didnt really listen when i said until we know each other better (temporarily!).I asked him if since he doesnt know me that well what is it that he even liked about me? He told me he did know me and that he liked everything about me and shouldnt have to list specific things. I also mentioned that there are friends i have that know me better then he does and we've been knowing each other for the same amount of time. He demanded the names of those people like he didnt believe me. He started choking up on the phone and apologizing alot to me and that he never wanted to make me feel like this and that it wasn't his intent. He says we can talk this out without breaking up and that we should talk in person. I dont really know what to do. This was this morning and im still upset about it. He hasn't texted me since and i just dont know if i should've started dating him. Even the things ive told him about me he always forgets and acts like i never said it and this is the BASIC things ive told him. Maybe he just isn't that interested in me? Maybe he just wants a girlfriend just to have one and not to actually know them? (We're both 17, seniors in high school)

Hon, this could go two ways, it could be his personality type and that this is who he is at core, by nature and to change himself to be just perfect for you would mean his whole character is out of balance and unhappy at some point. Or he could be a guy who as you described, doesn't care enough to really know you. By his reaction to when you talked of a temporary split, I'd say that who he is naturally is genuinely caring about you and can not see how you'd think anything is wrong. By the way, if you really think this guy is special other than this one thing, then spending less time together won't solve anything either.

Since you've been friends 3 yrs, I am wondering how in 3 yrs time, next to nothing was learned about you, regardless that you are now dating. Was it good enough for you when just friends?

I think we put a higher importance on the person who wins that spot next to us as potential mate. I may have friends who know me well enough but the person who knows me the best is my husband. I talked a lot with my guy before married, and I realize you're only 17, but until you marry, every male that you meet will help you to put together an idea in your mind of what you are looking for in a guy and who would mesh best with you, even if there are some differences.

The dating experience is either going out socially for fun or it can be used to whittle down the personalities and types to even learn what you really need and want. I wasn't there to hear what all you did in talking as friends. I never suggest movies in dating cus neither is talking, just watching and being entertained. You could go out to a movie every night for the rest of your life with a person and never get to know anything at all about them except for perhaps their favorite genre of movie. Thats not enough to know if its someone you want to date long term with or be with for life.

Who he is as is right now, may not make you happy but that personality and character might be just perfect for a girl totally different than you. All I can say is if its a long term relationship like marriage that ends up with a problem like this, counseling may help straighten things out. May he changes, maybe he doesnt and you just change how you feel about it. Myself personally, I needed a man as chatty and open about himself as me and I sought it, found it and we're happy. He does ask me lots about myself. Even after 7 yrs, we are still learning new things about each other, not cus we're not taking the time to leaern along the way, just that there are so many things to learn about each other.

If this is so upsetting to you that you are always miserable, even if he treats you well otherwise, then either he is the wrong one for you, or you must find that one person, a girlfriend whom you can go to when you need advice and a hug. I would say to wait tho cus a person and who they are at 17 can change so much in a decade and he just may have a caring streak that is just starting to develop in him. Now if he was in his 30s and still doing this, I'd say to look elsewhere right now;.

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Dragonflymagic,
If you're the columnist I remember, you're somewhat versed in actual magick. If so, I need your help. I'm 27/f; guy in question is 30 or so.

Back in June, I got sucked into a... well, kind of a whirlwind romance with someone I shouldn't have, after breaking up with my boyfriend. This guy was versed in magick and struck me from the first day we met as quite powerful. My magick is untrained and somewhat uncontrolled (which is something I know I need to work on, but I have no idea how).
I don't know if I'm doing this, or if he is, but for the past few weeks he's shown up in my dreams, over and over again, no matter what my dreams have been. Last night in my dreams I ran into his arms and cried, and we kissed, and he comforted me, saying "it's okay," and "shh," and "it's over, baby," (as in, my reasons for crying - in my dream I missed him terribly).

Here's the big problem. I'm back together with my boyfriend. Bf is a wonderful guy, we love each other, we want to eventually get married; he's moving in soon, and consciously I have NO remaining feelings for this guy. I want him to get out of my head, and quit messing with my dreams (because I do believe he can do it - he's done it before). The couple of times I've been lucid enough in my dreams, I've called to my protector (who I know as Loki), who's been able to chase him away, or at least distract my mind away from him...
I don't know.
I don't know if this is even possible, what I think is going on. This is why I need your help. I'm quite open to any and all recommendations you might have as far as what to do to make this stop... it's starting to get to me.
Thank you immensely for any help you can offer.

Actual magick is nothing more than focusing ones intentions on what they want.

What you are experiencing is what people know of as a soul tie. So how is it formed?

When we have a sexual experience, our brains produce dopamine, the same chemical that is described as the “feel good” chemical of the brain. It also present in addictions like gambling, drugs. This dopamine is why in some cases, having sex can help get rid of a headache, making you feel better.

I had an experience shortly before I got ready to leave my ex for good. I didn't know any of this, but since I knew how to hear from God, my angels or spirit guides, telepathically, He brought this to my attention. I felt silly but went through with what I was told.


Soul ties are like a long strong cord attaching two people together. I was given a mental picture of end of a rope entering both of us at mid range, like the sacral chakra or solar plexus. If you’ve had sexual encounters with someone you're no longer with, even consensual or forced, there is most likely a lingering soul tie that needs to be dealt with otherwise you’ll forever be plagued with thoughts, dreams, feelings and even actions that are unwanted. Forced sex encounters because, although rape and sexual abuse is not a feel good experience, our brains still produce chemical reactions and our soul can still be tied to someone who has abused us.


I had a vision from God, showing me and hubby and a cord attached to both of us. I was then handed a large pair of scissors and told that if I truly wanted this break from my husband, that I would have to visualize in my mind, taking that pair of scissors and cutting the cord in half at which point any remaining cord vanished. Notice that in this vision, I was the only one taking action, it does not require anything from him.

I do believe that spirits and souls can reach out to us in dreams. Usually this is a visit from a loved one who passed to let you know they are alright. But there is no purpose for any other soul to be in our dreams. But the chances of the other person intentionally wishing to disturb your dreaming every night is more unlikely and whats more likely is that it is more generated by your mind due to dopamine.

I would try the visualization of cutting that cord. If you still see him coming into your dreams, try this for getting lucid dreaming to work where you can take control of your dreams. My husband told me about this one. Haha, I 've personally only had it work for me once, not because it doesn't work but because I am undisciplined in this. When in your dream, tell yourself to look at your hands. I remember raising my hands to look at them. The next step is looking from your hands to look at what you are dreaming and take control of what happens next in dream. You could then tell him he isn't welcome and order him to leave and order yourself to awaken. If you feel better asking for your angels or Loki to guard and protect your mind from an invasion of this guy, I am sure they will. But you have to ask. When it comes to a ny being of a spiritual nature, they don't tend to butt in, see a need and just fill it, unless your angels have to save your life from imminent death, God, angels, etc. are waiting for you to approach first and give them their marching orders so to s peak. Let me know if I can help with anything else or write me for any clarifications you may need. Happy Thanksgiving


Hope this helps.

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I'm almost 14 and I feel upset sometimes because of my parents. I mean, I get that parents lecture and that's their job to educate their child, but my parents take that too far. So on one odd morning I was going to be late so I forgot to make my bed, so they lectured me the whole morning and yelled at me, not even because of me being unorganised, but stuff like I'll be a beggar and no man would want me and very off topic subjects. And they think everything I do is stupid, like the way I tie my hair, or wash the dishes. They complain that I don't do my homework but they always call me down to do the dishes or sweep the floor when I'm home. They always compare me to my cousins and friends, like 'why don't you start being like her? ' they lecture me and practically yell and swear at me and go on and on forever. I sometimes cry in my room because of this. I know it's probably because I'm not good enough, but please give some advice!!!!

I can understand parents getting upset, what parent doesn't at some point in time. In an ideal world, people would never yell, ridicule, or verbally blast another person when angry, wouldn't take things personally and would speak calmly and fairly.

As a parent myself, i think that sometimes parents let the idea that they are in charge go to their heads. Its like having either the kind of work boss who treats you fairly and isn't afraid or feel it beneath them to do the same things as those under them. I've had good parents so I can only use the boss scenerio but it goes the same for parents.

I have had to apologize to my own kids while raising them. Not often, but parents can get carried away by the stresses of trying to make ends meet and raise a family and people when stressed need to release it. I have raised my voice or told my kids I wasn't listening to any explanation, then come to find in the end, they were right and I was. Didn't happen much but the stress of bad husband eventually got me to lose it temporarily. I was married to a guy who'd come home and to release stress, his usual thing was to verbally dump on me. It sounds like what you describe both parents doing. As already said, there are many ways to do something. Life is about choices and definitely there are some that should fall to you to decide how to carry it out.

I learned some things along the way. Its never right to get rid of stress by verbally abusing anyone and its worse when the place that's supposed to be the safest place for you, home and family isn't treating you kindly. Now you said you are upset sometimes. To me, that means that your parents don't act like this all the time, like on a daily basis. If its really occasional, I have one suggestion. If they are like this all the time, something is really not going well for them. It could be financial stress, if they are like this every day all the time, or as in case with my ex, he had mental illness that he wouldn't admit to or get treatment for. It's a bit unlikely that both parents have mental illness but both can have stress. You didnt mention your sex, but if you as a teen are going thru the emotional turmoil that All teen girls go thru when the hormones of puberty hit, us gals tend to go overboard, not by choice, becoming more sad or crying alot or the other is anger, easily irritated and upset. You are at that age, so if you're a girl, you can probably throuw that in the mix cus you may not at all notice the emotional changes in you and its so easy for you to sound snappy when irritated and its worse cus we are like on a runaway emotional train with little control of our situation. So in the end, if you feel, you are not the problem and its all on them, you may want to see if you can get some perspective from talking to an adult relative you feel close to, a grandparent or aunt, etc and try to give them the story without spinning it in someones favor either way. See what they have to suggest. If you feel that perhaps its not intention but how you do things that get to them, I learned from a parenting class 2 valuable things I began to use with the kids when they were still young. You might share these with a relative and see if they will casually meet with the parents, bring up you after some small talk and then share. ONe is the interrupt rule. No one likes be interrupted. Its simple, I use this still as an adult. If somebodys talking to someone else and its a matter of time that you need an instant answer you instead lay a hand on the arm of the person which alerts them you need to speak with them before their other conversation is done. I do this at work all the time. The other is parents letting the kids know that if as parents they decided or came to a decision too quickly and didnt have all the info. they teach the kids to say, May I please appeal? LIke reall courts. At this point you're given the chance to provide the parents with info they weren't patient to listen to before but are vital to their decision regarding what you asked. This is when you provide extra information that may change their decision from a No to a Yes. This works sometimes, and sometimes the parents have reasons that supercede any info you can provide. This is all I can think of. I wish you well.

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Hi.. 17 F..
I have dark brown long'ish hair, blue eyes and I wear glasses. I'm a bit overweight. I can't seem to find love?.. personally I don't think I'm that ugly but I don't think I'm gorgeous either. I can't flirt and is a bit shy. I have straight white teeth and a full mouth. I am really depressed because I feel loanly. Please help me? I like this boy at our church but he doesn't even look at me.. he is also a bit shy.. what should I do?

Solid advice has a good idea, the one of writing a note of your positive traits as you think of them.
I'd like to expand on this as a way of showing you how often the average person has negative thoughts.

My way is a list of your good points you list as the thoughts occur and then a list on which you write the self defeating thoughts of yourself.
Even without writing, you'll find that in the passing of just an hour, that a good majority of your thoughts will be negative ones. Lots may be about your looks but the negative thoughts can be about anything like, "I just know I'm gonna fail the Biology test today", or Mom, don't drive under the overpass in case it falls on us in an earthquake! and there are many other ways we do this. We keep ourselves so tied up in knots over worry that we don't see life opportunities when they do come up for us.
While in school, most boys haven't figured out what they want in a girlfriend yet besides having a sexual relationship. Young males are pretty much a one track mind, always on sex and they see girls that way too and don't kid yourself that in church the boys don't. I went to church in my teens and have tons of examples of how guys
showed interest in myself or other girls, that was purely sexual.
Males often don't tend to get ideas of what they really want in a woman or being ready to commit to anything from just a girlfriend to a wife. So trust me, that even tho young males in HS aren't looking your way perhaps for reasons of their own, they will as time goes by. The best thing you can do in preparation is to work on strengthening your self respect, and self confidence now so that about the time guys start really looking beyond the skin level for beauty, you'll be ready.
Scientists conducted tests on men to see what type of thing in females attracts them more. Beauty or other like brains. Beauty did not win. Men chose the average looking female with a healthy self confidence because they found it sexier than the stunning model type without any self confidence. I know it doesnt help for right now in school. but the sooner you work on your self confidence, regardless of how you feel you look and if you want an example of an excercise you can try, let me know.

By the way, I was really curious to learn if by chance you live near horses, work with them or have a ranch because when describing yourself, it just came across to me like when someone is purchasing a horse, looking for good stock when you used "I have straight white teeth and a full mouth."

In the meanwhile, self confidence works pretty quickly in getting gals and guys to start to notice you and start friendships. For the shy boy, try out talking to him as you gain confidence. If you need help again here, let me know.

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I'm really wanting to color my hair with washable markers but I want to know if it could permanently mess my hair up will it and thank you if you answer my question.

Some of these washable markers come with nice scents and flavors too in case little kids want to chew on em instead of color with. And its not permanent for a reason. Little ones tend to mark up their clothes and skin. If it were harmful to children in general, then it would be harmful to hair.

Now if you asked about a permanent marker, one that cant be washed out, I'd say its best not to go there. But since you mention Washable, which means it can come back out, i don't think those dyes are anywhere near as harsh as regular hair dyes.
For temp hair coloring, I've seen kids use Koolaid too, the packets that need sugar added to drink, just dont add sugar and use only the powder dye. I am thinking, guessing here, that the koolaid trick may be about the same as the marker one for non permament coloring. Although I've seen the koolaid ones take some time to come out dependign how often they washed.

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22/F So I've been in a relationship with my BF for 3 years now, and I love him very much. He's the only relationship I've ever had, and even now after living together we're both still virgins. We both agree we're not ready to bare the responsibilities that sex imposes. Of course it's hard but by now we're both used to it.

The issue that I find myself facing is... I never thought that me finding women attractive would be a problem. I could never picture a relationship with a woman, however I find them very attractive. And how can you not, women are beautiful creatures! But... what I now struggle with is I find that I no longer find my boyfriend attractive. It's like I don't want sex anymore. I've never had it and it feels like I never will, but lately I don't care. Doing it myself is good enough.

Last night I felt extremely guilty after I was done watching lesbian porn... I pictured my boyfriend doing what they were doing and I almost got turned off. But a woman doing it didn't sound good either. I cried after! I don't want a relationship with a woman, I'm romantically attracted to my boyfriend, however lately it's been women I've been fantasizing about. I have no idea what to do. We both agreed having sex after marriage would be best, but we want to get our lives together before we get hitched.
Am I asexual? Bisexual? I'm so confused and scared. Can anyone relate, or give any advice? Am I freaking out over nothing? I would talk to my boyfriend but I don't want to hurt him before I even know what's going on myself. Any input would be much appreciated

For a normal healthy adult to not be having rewarding sex is a problem. You are doing some things but its not enough to be satisfying so when theres a lack to sexual desires being taken care of, there can be troubles.

I know that a lot of people repress the idea of exploring their sexuality so that if its anything other than that has for so long been called the norm of a man with a woman, that they live and fit the mold. At 22 you wouldnt be the first to question if you were bi. I've known a group of 4o and 50 something women at a party all go into a back room where all the women were gonna have bi sex while theire boyfriends and husbands occupied themselves elsewise at a party. Had no idea it was part of the plan but since I wasn't even bi curiosity, I was not one of the women crowding into that room to either watch or participate.

Even in hetero sex, there can be things that a person doesn't like and wouldn't ever do. This is more common than you would think. So if you had something you find gross if the boyfriend does but also gross with a female, then that particular part of sex you may never like. Not liking something like this is simply a personal preference and not a determining factor in whether one is bi or not.
The fact that you are having strong feelings of confusion and fear means you are not even ready to explore this, even if you want. The fear you feel will most likely ruin any situation you try to set up.

Until you get to a place of feeling that doing it yourself will always be good enough, I can't promise anything will change.ALSO, feeling guilt is not going to help and can cause you to experience other related issues.

You say the issue was finding women attractive but not a relationship or sex with one. Well, thats normal hon, cause I know Im like that and so are my sisters that I know of. We can see a woman and find her to be very beautiful. Its like drinking in your fill of a beautiful scenic vista. It is beauty of a non sexual nature that catches our eyes. I don't feel horny every time I see the sight of pretty waterfalls for example. Heck, even in men, not every one will be found by me to look attractive or sexually attractive to me.
I do have will power though to choose to not interreact sexually with anyone beyond my mate.
So being married and other people still being able to catch ones eyes is also normal. It means you're not dead yet, you have eyes in your head and you're a normal healthy sexual creature so finding others attractive is going to be all part of this.
If in the future you find that you truly change and are bi, do not worry, many men have no problem of jealousy with their girl with another girl. Its with men they have more jealousy problem. I also attended a club where husbands brought their wives who were bi. The only male they liked was their own but they liked several girls. The men would sit in listen to a band play while the wives would go play. So I know its very possible for many husbands to not have a problem with it. You don't have to know this about yourself before marriage as this isn't true of yourself yet. It may never be. We all change and grow in character as we go along and who we were when we married is not who we are a decade or two later.

I would suggest to just focus only on your sex life. It is one of two major foundations to a healthy relationship, and the other is being each others best friend. So it is important. If you both are trying to avoid intercourse for now and just do everything else, there is plenty to keep you both happy. I would start looking up on line videos on how tos, especially for orgasms in women. Women traditionally have gone lifetimes never having orgasms. and Guys know how special orgasms make sex. Without them, its nice but not satisfying and in time it can become too routine, maybe some of the things you fear when looking at the future. I never had orgasms with my first husband of 30 yrs. Thats 30 yrs of no orgasms from hubby, just my own masturbating. So I know the difference. I would have another discussion about what all is okay right now for sex and what to wait for. Cus I am betting that your guy can give you all 3 kinds of orgasms without entering with penis. Theres the clitoral stimulation but theres also the G spot and there is also an A spot. I'd study together as a couple and then you have something exciting to look forward to, seeing if you can find this new technique satisfying. What works for you and he doesnt have to be the same as what works for otheres.
If I can be of more help, let me know.

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Hello there! :)

A couple months ago I was microwaving a meal for lunch, and I felt a strong, heart-warming presence from behind. Taking a long glance behind me, I saw an angel with the brightest glow. She had infinite strands of long blonde hair, slight peach color of skin, a sky blue robe-like dress and massive wings of a silverish-white shade. From the few short seconds I experienced of her, she was oh-so pretty. But more like indescribably beautiful! ^.^

Now this is for the spiritual people on this advice site. I haven't been able to see her again since, but I am still in awe of her. I haven't been able to stop thinking about her since. Truthfully, I believe she's my guardian angel. I would TRULY appreciate any advice on how I can communicate with her and see her more often. As detailed as possible would be very, very helpful.

I feel like she could help me with my life issues, because I'm struggling so much with my life for years. Nothing I have attempted has helped me in any way. I feel if I had communication and more guidance through life from her, then I'd be so much happier. :)

Thank you for your time.

There are many books on how to meet your guardian angels and are best found by looking in metaphysical bookstores or in the 'religion' or 'spiritual' section of a bookseller.

I have never seen my guardian angels. I have a few friends with stories of their own when they saw their angels. My favorites was the gal when younger and with her Mother about to step off a curb when something pushed them back and then they both saw the angel. Another favorite was a friend with another friend walking when a group of thug types started running towards them, they turned to run and instead saw her angel and when they looked back, apparently the thugs had seen the angel too and took off running in the other direction. I have read books on angels. I think we can all agree that we have them but not all have seen them.
So to make my angels more real to me, I imagined a look for them and gave them each a name, after asking and listening for their names and not getting any, I assigned names that seemed to resonate with me. For example, one name is Seraphina.
Now on the other hand, I have learned how to hear Gods voice. Its the same like hearing from anything from the spiritual realm, we don't hear in spoken words and only a small few percent are able to hear and see with their actual physical eyes and ears. The rest of us have to learn to exercise that spiritual muscle in our mind. So just start talking to her as if she was a best friend sitting across the table from you or riding to work next to you in your car and just talk regular to her. No King James speak, just your own words, including jokes and idioms. Make it very real. Don't get upset when you don't hear back right away. Its can take months of trying to talk before you'll even hear back once but when you do, you'll just know it wasn't your own thoughts in your head.It could take a year too, but once you get there, keep up the talk and the ability will stay. They use your voice so the answer you get sounds like it could have come from yourself. While angels and spirit guides won't make decisions for you, sometimes they can give helpful advice that will help turn you in the right direction. I have seen one of my spirit guides when I was in a half awake half sleep state at an acupuncture appt. So real I opened my eyes because I thought this guy had entered my room. He didn't say a word. You know how that gets unnerving when someone stares at you but wont talk? Well I felt that so I spoke first. Let me tell you right now that in my experience, God and angels don't like to intrude on our lives. They will 99.9 times wait for you to speak first so keep that in mind. When I say speak, I mean not out loud but using your thoughts, mental telepathy. All people have this ability hidden deep inside and for most, we never realize that we have at least this ability to talk to spirit and hear back. It isn't any more complicated than this. If you ever need someone to talk to more on subjects like this, I am here for you. Blessings.

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Well I was laying down on the catch and just searching for something watch. My mom walks in and asked, how was your day?
Me: it was good
Mom: was your day fun ?
Me: umm yeah I think so
Mom: what did your friends and you do today?
Me: just same old same old. Like talking
Mom: do you have an attitude today?
Me: I don't why ?
Mom: cause it seems like you don't wanna be bother
Me: I answered your questions and I didn't say it with an attitude. I just answered your question and there wasn't anything to add.
( mom says nothing and gets a drink and goes to her room)

So I'm a girl and even I don't act this crazy. She's always been a weirdo but I don't understand why I was treated like the bad guy.

I thought of another possibility than whats been mentioned. LIke already explained, we don't know your personality or your Moms so its hard to give an answer that will apply perfectly.

If you equate Moms line of questioning as one of the things that make her crazy or a weirdo, as a Mom myself, I can say as a Mom that checking up on and having convo's to connect with our kids is what good Moms do. We do it cus we love our kids. I made sure to sit with each daughter after school and give each a chance to share about her day, any troubles in class or with friends. There is friendly loving convo out of concern or there is interrogation style which can put you at unease and feel like someones looking for anything bad you may have done. So maybe it was tone of voice? If she's like this all the time, you could also try letting her know how her tone of voice affects you. SHe may also be more outgoing and chatty than you. So if you are one of few words, then there may be a personality clash and its up to you both to have a talk about this and come up with ground rules. I know I am a chatty person and I know when I am around someone who isn't. I always give them permission ahead of time to know its okay to let me know when they aren't in the mood to chat or say more and people have taken me up on that at times.
When kids tend to answer with short explanations, and no details, it can drive mom crazy.

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I talked to a manger about a job and was told to call back later this week . How many days should i wait before calling back ?

I have discovered over time that there is no real perfect time in which an employer will choose. No way to predict. Some hire on the spot. I've talked to coworkers who were told they got the job and to come the following day or two days later. Myself, i put in my app and didnt hear back for a week before I was hired. Although in the past for office jobs and other jobs, the ones that are not the entry level type for teens and 20-somethings, never did call to tell me I didnt get the position, I only heard when they wanted me. I suppose that HR depts or managers just don't have the time needed to call all those who applied to tell them they did not get it. So sending a letter as adviceman suggested is the best you can do and way more effective than waiting for a perfect day to call or hear back.

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So, I have been with my boyfriend for 4.5 years now, he is my best friend I love him and his family...this is the guy I will marry for sure.
Recently I have been given a new team manager, he is really handsome and funny. He is basically a massive improvement on my old manager which is refreshing.

So we have one to ones to update progress and fill out paper work you know that type of bull**** that work makes you do.
We both got on really well and found that we have a lot in common! (Despite the 7 year age gap)

We have had a few one to ones as I have been ill and he has to fill out forms and stuff, he has been really supportive and again its refreshing.

Anyway, so I keep seeing him look at me in the corner of my eye when I am at my desk and out of my whole team he will openly say, "dont you think shes amazing at her job?" And "your my favourite" he will out of the whole team start a convo with just me and ask me to do him favours and sends me emails which he again he says thankyou your amazing.

Now I happily offer to do favours for him and think hes a really nice guy, but I just keep feeling like he flirts and I like it, we have jokes and he tells me about his ex girlfriend, in the one to ones he tells me quite personal things about his life and in return I tell him things...I trust him I suppose.

We made this stupid song up about a new plan that has started at work that is clearly not working....and he was asked to sing the song by a team member, then he was like noo its something I could only do around....(me basically)

He asks about my relationship with my boyfriend and makes excuses for us to have to sit next to each other or have a one to one....I kind of like it....he asked me for my pen to use...we work in an office we can clearly get pens anywhere but he asked me....

I keep getting dreams that were together and getting down if you know what I mean and its making me feel guilty...

I keep imagining what will happen at the christmas party....the theme is "prom"....

I really fancy him but wouldnt ever act on anything....I just like the idea? Maybe? I love my boyfriend and like I said wouldnt act on it but....man I dunno I just dont know how I am supposed to feeel!

Don't worry hon. You're a normal female. Theres a saying I've heard, "I may be Wed, but I'm not dead, I still have eyes in my head". I would assume the same goes for any committed relationship like your own.
Females and males may be in love with just one special person, but we all love it when someone of the opposite sex notices us and flirts. I think it helps us to feel better about ourselves. Maybe helps to build ones self esteem a little.
This sort of situation happens all the time, especially where two people see each other on a regular basis like at work or they get their morning coffee at the same little shop every day.

I am in late 50s and work in fast food. Most people there are way younger but there is always one or two males close to my age. I am married, my coworkers all know my husband cus he's worked there before too. But in two different locations, I have picked up on the personal interest and stuff that womens intuition will tell you are flirts but not obvious ones, like asking you for a pen. Age doesnt matter, I still know that there are men who know I am married, and make no move to have an affair with me. They are honorable but I can tell that working with me, is like a bright spot in their day, it makes work that is usually the same old drudgery to feel more fun and exciting even tho we'd never act on it.
Keep in mind that people can send out vibes so that even if single but not interested in a relationship, people can feel those vibes and stay away. Its done at a subconscious level so most aren't aware of it. So as long as the vibes you are sending out say, I enjoy your company at work but thats as far as it goes, I'm off the market, then you shouldn't have any problems and you don't need to feel guilty about it.

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i noticed a white substance while i was fucking my girl does that mean some other guy jizzed in her?

Adviceman is correct and I want to continue from that point with more friendly Sex 101.
Not only do females produce this self lube, but if she has an orgasm, keep in mind that females also cum and this cum is much thinner and runny clear. However, often males who do not know this will assume the female just peed on him.
If you ever wrongly accuse a female of peeing on you or having been with another guy, that can make her angry enough to leave you. I left a guy I was dating who said those things to me.

Some female anatomy info: Not all females cum the same way. Those lacking a connector tube to allow the cum to flow out of her, will have their cum go straight into her bladder. So also, just because you don't see a wet spot or liquid flow from her, doesn't mean she is broken, frigid, or that she didn't come. Those who do have this connecting tube, it develops for some while a baby in utero, women can shoot cum out just like a guy does. I also had someone tell me they wanted me to stop 'squirting' which is one term used for women. Again, this is not a good idea to criticize this. The man is turning her on, this is her body's natural response and she can't stop this or control this like a guy who squeezes the base of his penis to stop an orgasm too soon.
When I was told to stop, it killed my sex drive for that guy. He lost out. I moved on.
Also, while some women are okay with sex for lust sake, 'fucking' as you say, a great many more prefer to be made love to, meaning sex as an outward expression of a heart full of love for her.
Keep all this in mind and you'll likely enjoy a good sex life. Go a bit further and learn how to give not just clitoral orgasms, but the G spot and A spot also for the female, and you will be very popular with your lady friend and may actually become in demand!

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I ended my period about four days ago. Yesterday evening I started very lightly spotting and for two days now my breasts have been on fire! Should I be concerned?

If you are taking the pill for birth control, keep in mind that the pill mimics the hormones released during pregnancy. Breasts can become fuller and achy. Break thru bleeding can occur. So if youre on the pill, ask your Dr. about other options if you don't like whats happening.
If not on the pill, I think its still a good idea to see your gynecologist Dr. regularly for wellness checkups and the odd things like this. If you are a teen, teen girls are well known to have irregular periods and can get 2 per month or none for a couple months or they last longer or are shorter, with much lighter flows or with non stop heavy bleeding. It is important to see a Dr. for this too to make sure there isnt something wrong. If not a teen or on the pill, I still would see Dr. for bleeding when not supposed to and the breasts on fire. Could be the breasts got an infection somehow. Since I don't have more detail about you, this is the best I can guess and in each scenerio, I recommend seeing your Dr.

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Okay so i knew this guy for about 3 years now. Since freshman year, we're in senior year now. At the end of last year he told me he liked me and i told him that i wanted to take things slow and hang out and see where it goes (at first i rejected him but the same day i decided to give him a chance). He was happy and excited telling his friends that he was "in it for the long run". Fast forward to senior year we talk often and grown closer. He's a little on the immature side but he's really a gentleman and courts me but ive notice that he has a hard time expressing his self face to face. He puts him arm around me alot, carry my things, says im his "playfully", wrap his arms around me from behind, guide me through crowds, holds me in public and just in general touching me alot. This all started to happen after we went to homecoming together and it started to become an everyday thing. I began to feel like i was allowing him to do too much and that he was getting way to comfortable being that we wernt in a relationship and it didnt seem like he was going to ask anytime soon. Im a young lady that doesnt give myself easily. Im guarded. I never want to feel like im giving a guy too much only for him to not value me or the relationship before it begins. I texted him (he isnt really good with talking face to face he prefers to talk via texting.) and texted him this: "John (lets just call him that) your a nice guy but i think we need to calm down a bit. We hold each other and touch eachother alot yet we arnt dating. Im not your girlfriend...and I just dont think we should be behaving like that because we arnt on that level and unless we are on that level we shouldnt. Im okay with hugging you. Im interested in you...but were not dating." Ever since then hes respected my wishes and has backed off alot. I hear from his friends that he talks about me alot with them. How he always talks about how nice i look that day, how he enjoys talking to me and being around me and that he likes it when i laugh and smile. What i find weird is that he rarely compliments me to my face but rather tell his friends. Ive asked his friends (we have mutual friends so i guess its our friends) why he doesnt say it to me and they tell me that gets very nervous around me. He is also a little on the immature side, he likes to joke around alot with me and rarely acts serious. Everything is joked on. He has never told me how he felt about me to my face. He just one to express himself more with actions but its almost awkward or uncomfortable for him to do it vocally. Its almost like were friends with benefits. He jokes and plays around with me like a friend but he also is a gentleman who courts me. I talked to my sister about this and she blames the fact that i told him to back off on the PDA until we were dating. She says the way i said it was harsh and that it probably caused him to pull back completely even with communicating. She says that "he was only trying to express love to you and make you feel loved" I disagree with her because he was doing this before i said anything. And he hasn't completely pulled back he still very much is around me all the time and talks to me and texts me. He acts interested. He even asked me to the movies this weekend. He hugs me but he makes sure not to go beyond that. To this day has yet to ask me out. He jokingly said yes when people asked him if i was "his woman". So i guess the questions i have right now are: Should i have sent that text message? Was i too harsh? Why hasn't he asked me out yet? What is holding him back? Does it seem like he even wants a relationship with me? Is his inability to communicate his feelings because he is still scared even after ive told him i was interested in him? Do you think he will communicate better when (if) we date? Would he feel more comfortable knowing im his girlfriend? Is he only satisfied because i finally told him i was interested in him?

(BTW he hasnt ever really had a girlfriend and i havent had a boyfriend)

Should you have sent the text?
If something that someone else is doing is affecting you, then yes, you need to mention it and since he won't talk as easily face to face which is preferable for a convo like this, a text to him in your case is next best.
Were you too harsh? You were very kind , not harsh. However understanding males is needed here and My first thought is, that he saw this email as your pointing out a problem to him because you wanted him to solve or fix the problem. when females vent or point out things to a guy, its a natural instinct to want to solve them for the female even if she didn't ask for help, want help, or if she did but was confusing herself.

And now on to "Why hasn't he asked me out yet?"
I believe you may have totally confused him too dear. he may have had certain parts of the email seem to jump out at him more than others. Just the following in the same text is confusing. Forget what else you wrote and read the following:

"i think we need to calm down a bit" in the same message with " I'm interested in you...but we're not dating.
I understand your confusion. You sent him a message but how he interpreted it is different than how you meant him to understand it. Even if he weren't the one in question here, any guy in this scenario with you could just as easily be confused or at least find a need to ask you to clarify what you were saying.

Does it seem like he wants a relationship? Hell yes!!!! This guy seems crazy about you and a totally insecure guy wouldn't even mention you to his friends for fear of their ridiculing or teasing but he has. Also, he has no problem being seen with you in public and is always touching you in a way that others would know in its very primal form is a way that male creatures mark their territory. Animals resort more to marking territories with urine. Human males do so other ways and this would be it.

Is he still scared? Maybe. I know most girls who get near a hot guy they crush on go silent and tongue tied also and very scared that they might bungle things up somehow. I am sure its possible he feels something of the same.

Would he communicate better if dating? He is already communicating with you just fine as far as his actions and I can't really say that you have picked up on it because of your confusion. Words are important too. But I have some important advice here. Do not ever assume that a male who says he really likes you or loves you is telling the truth. Men can prove their feelings about you by how they treat you and they way they act around and what they do for you. Without the actions behind the words like "I'm crazy about you, I like you a lot or I love you, those words mean nothing.
Is he satisfied and stopping short of what you want cus he stopped at knowing you were interested in him?
Here is the issue, females need both the words and the axtion behind the words to be sure and don't want to end up embarassed cus they simply assumed what the guy wants. In fact females often prefer the words first and the proving by a ction later or some only want the words and havent realized that actions must go hand in hand with the words.
Guys are simple creatures. Throughout history, it is women who have helped to shape who a male becomes. If they are not doing something right, the female needs to take the lead and teach him.

Heres a good example. What about men who lie or hided things from their gal, or cheat on them? They still have no problem finding a girlfriend because women act so desperate to have a male companion that they will accept even poor behavior from them. Theres also abuse at which I was at the recieving end of once upon a time and it wasnt his mother who had part in it, but past girlfriends so it was so ingrained by time I met him that all my attempts to retrain him did not work. I know it may sound like training a puppy here but thats not my intention. Just a lack of better words. Women do not realize that when they go back to bad boyfriends, that the guy will never learn that there are consequences to treating a gal wrong. Women very often need to take the lead even with a really good guy. Take my 2nd husband. I had to kiss him first. I knew it would be welcome and I wasnt reading him wrong because of how he had been treating me spoke of his care for me. So even good guys may hold back for fear of moving too fast for a female which is what you did say to him, or at least he picked it up that way. In man-speak, for all I know, (since I dont know this particular friend of yours) he may have decided that it was best to wait and let you take the lead when you are ready. It is how lots of males might interpret what you said. This is simple miscommunication between male and female here. So if you want to have him for a boyfriend, let him know you are ready to start dating and ask him if he would like to be your boyfriend and I am pretty sure he will say yes. Or he may be surprised and say, "I already am your boyfriend or I thought I was." then it would fall to you to explain to him that you need verbal confirmation as well as he treating you like a girlfriend. You don't want to have to second guess everything and guess wrong which would be embarassing and awkwardd and no one wants to go there.

I have rambled on and may even have confused you. So if I can clarify anything more, let me know but all in all, I see no problem here, just two people assuming they are doing saying the right things and that the other person understands them perfectly which wasn't the case. He probably will begin to slowly open up and share more once he knows that you are ready to move on with a relationship with him. He may never be a male who talks much, only the minimum needed and that's Okay, its just a personality difference.
What you have to decide is wether you more picture yourself lifelong with a mate who is the silent type or the chatty type. Mine is chatty like me and it works. I have worked with guys and given them permission to let me know if I ever am talking too much for them. Only one ever did say something, not able to stand the small talk or conversation anymore. In a relationship, if one person hated lots of talk, and the other needed the constant conversations, there would be trouble. Things like this you can discover just from dating different types of guys. So I see no reason why not to start with this guy. You may move on from him eventually or the two of you may end up together for life.

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I have a biology class which is my last required science credit for high school. It's only two quarters long (about four/five months) and first quarter has ended. You have to have at least a semester grade of a C+ to pass. The class is extremely difficult and I got an F for he first quarter because I didn't do as well on the 13 page test and didn't hand in an essay on time because I was sick. My question is, do you know what the least I'd have to get to have a B- or C+ as a semester grade? Will I just not graduate if this doesn't happen?

Thanks!

I remember my kids teachers being more than willing to discuss in a meeting with you and your parents what options you still have. I know that teachers aren't approached enough for help when it looks like a student may fail a class. The bad grade isn't to punish you, just a sign that you are struggling with biology. If you had asked for help sooner, then maybe it wouldn't have been as much a rush right now but I have seen my kids grades turn around in the amount of time you have left. Check and see what the teacher might have for a way to get a passing grade still.

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Yesterday i made out with someone for the first time for really long and a lot of times. Now my ribs really hurt that it hurts to move it or stand up. Could it be from that?

A really long time for sex or how often each orgasms can be relevant to how your body feels afterwards. The amount of orgasms, how strong they are and how long they last can and will vary each time you have sex. I have the days where the stomach muscles feel sore afterwards. Or right after, trying to get up and walk to the bathroom, I have no strength to move my body or feel my legs have become weak, skaky, like noodles and I stumble along. So its possible you had enough long strong orgasms to cause the muscles that pull the uterus up during arousal to be sore as well as other muscles in the vicinity like the lover rib cage. These muscles are a fine layer that wrap around the rib cage. I didn't even know I had muscles there until I started playing womens soccer in my 20s and right after the first game, my muscles around the rib cage hurt to twist, move , reach, stand walk or even felt a little just breathing. If its a workout your muscles got, they should be recovered in a week. However just standing, and him against the wall, not you means theres not much way he could have crushed you or knocked a rib out of alignment. that has happened to me a couple times in life and its never involved sex for me, just a combo of a strain on the muscles and making a quick wrong move for my body.
If its not gone in a week or your pains are extremely sharp, you may want to go see a doctor to see if they can confirm a rib popped out of place. It would take a greater force I'd think to crack ribs but hey, even the odd crazy things are possible, they just happen rarely.
If you stood that entire time for making out, thats likely what caused the strain on all your muscles. You may want to try it laying down next time if you can find a place.

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I go to middle school. I have a close group of friends whom I always hang out with, sometimes along with other people. So I'll name them L, J, R and O. So I am closer to J and R as they always stand up for me, help me and laugh with me. L is also a great friend, but I don't know her as well. O joined us last term. So last week L threw a party inviting T R and some others. I asked R and figured L was mad at me for unknown reasons. O wasn't invited either so we talked a bit about it. At school me and L are still friendly and nice to eachother, and nobody brought the party up. But I'm still confused as I've been to all of L J R's houses and we've been shopping and stuff a couple of times. I don't know what I've done wrong as I'm usually careful about gossiping . I know I just wrote a bunch of mess but this is complicated and it's the best way I can explain it.
Thanks for reading. Please give me some advice.

I dont know any of you but I do know something major about middle school girls. This is when hormones really take over, your body has changed a lot and is still changing physically. The hormones needed to change your body will spike in your system during these years and it can last until you leave HS. That spike in hormones usually dwindles back down to a normal level when in later teens. What a high level of hormones does to young females is mess with their emotions. I went through it, my 3 girls went thru it. You can cry at the drop of a hat, for nothing at all...just weepy or another is getting angry or irritated easily for pretty much no good reason at all. This is something which if too extreme, there is help from Dr.s with balancing out a teen girls hormones.
Also at this age, we're still learning to become individual rather than be sucked up into a crowd and be copying everyone else, All kids following whats trending with others. Why? We all want to be liked, and loved and have lots of friends and be self confident and so we can be extremely sensitive if we think things aren't going that way. L may not be in touch with what's bothering her and really not know why she's upset with you.

We also tend to take things personally and have a lower self confidence at this age. Heck if I could go back in time to HS with the self confidence I have now, I'd actually enjoy high school and it would turn out so different from what it was like for me. L could just be upset from something as simple as a look on your face when you looked at her a couple days ago because her hormones are causing an overreaction along with some distorted thinking. Females also seem to be more competitive fighting against each other for boyfriends and female friends at the teen and college years. As we get older and self confident, we're more supportive of each other and don't feel so easily threatened or jealous though those feelings can arise.

You may want to wait for a day when she seems to be in her best mood and try to talk to her then. When someone is upset, is the wrong time to question them. I would also suggest trying to identify with her in whatever it is she says she's upset about. Even if I have to stretch the truth here or choose words carefully.
Heres an example: If someone stated she didn't like the tone of voice I was talking to her in one day, I would apologize and say that I never meant to talk to her that way. I dont even recall it but I must have been having a bad day. I will try to improve on that in the future. Now she says, maybe I overreacted or assumed wrong. Those are common human errors but no one likes to be found lacking and i am quick to step in and say, Hey, You're not the only one, I have made lots of assumptions myself and thought someone had a bad attitude towards me when it was actually that they had a raging headache at the time and none of us are at our best when we're hurting.

Using something like these methods when talking to her can be very helpful to making her comfortable, lowering her defenses and losing her anger or whatever is bothering if indeed one of you girls is or she believes is at the root cause of how she feels. I had one who at this age was very moody and when she got like that, I had to stay away from her and give her the couple of weeks it took for her to get over it and back to normal. It may not be how your friend works but you could ask if she just doesnt want to see you for a while. Let her know you will honor that but when she is feeling better, you hope she lets you know cus you really like her as a friend and would miss her if she stayed away forever. Thats the only two types of reactions I can think of, softening up to you in a convo or wanting more time to herself to get over it in her own way.


You can get her to let her guard down and trust you enough to really tell you if you use a gentle loving tone of voice, not the kind of interviewing or interrogation style.

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i am a male around 30 years old i have been with the same girl for the past 8 years i know i dont have a STD i noticed that i pee a little bit randomly... me and my GF have really not had much sex in the past 18 months i was wondering if my muscles down there have become weak and that is the reason but i am sick of having yellow stains on the front of my briefs thank you for any help

P.S. i asked my doctor and she told me that i might just have a weak bladder but this just started happening in the past year and has gotten a little worse every month or so

It may have gotten worse because the problem wasn't treated. Today it is becoming more common for people of all ages to have physical issues we used to relegate to just the elderly. I think it something about our environment and our lifestyle, and a few other things that can add up to cause the same issues in much younger people and that can be very humiliating. Kudos on talking to your Dr. once already, many would rather not go, and rather not know. But if she had something to treat it with and stop it, and if it was medicinal and caused no terrible side effects, I can see no reason to put off getting that checked out with the Dr.

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I liked this guy and then we hooked up yesterday but it was mt first kiss. Now i dont think i like him anymore and i didnt like the kiss. Could i be lesbian or something and just dont know it because ive never experienced any of it? Im 16 female

You may like what you see on the outside. We can appreciate looking at beautiful breath taking vista's without feeling a sexual attraction. It's kinda like the fanciest prettiest professionally wrapped Christmas gift you ever got. You really like or love the wrapping. Is it a guarantee that you will still like what is inside?

Same with people dear.
Now, I will have to guess what you meant by 'like'. You probably saw him on Tinder or some app that younger folks are using, I'm in my late 50s. I did use a dating site to find my 2nd husband. So I do understand the things it can stand for. On a dating app, clicking like, usually means you are attracted to a person by looks alone. I have read what Tinder and other apps are about, its mostly set up to be a photo with very little info about the person.

Lets see how far off I am, you can write again if I am wrong and clarify so I can give you the best advice still.
So I am guessing you clicked that you liked how he looked and he did the same back. Now comes the hook up part. People today mean I got together with casually, or got together for sex. I wont assume since there was only a kiss that more wasn't hoped for on both your parts. So you meet up with him and he's so hot looking that you are really hoping for a kiss from him. You haven't done anything more yet but if you meet a hot looking guy, you just might. So he kisses you and all that you imagined a kiss could be, could feel like from what friends told you or from movies, romance stories, it doesn't come close. It lacked that passion and tingle and heart flipping stuff.It might have been even worse than not feeling anything, you may even have felt disgusted as if someone you are not sexually attracted to, like a dad or brother or someone like that kissing you passionately, yes that would feel gross and wrong. I am straight and i have kissed men on a date and felt that and knew they were the wrong one for me.

See, what I've learned during my life is that something called pheromones is responsible for the 'hooking up' or sexual attraction to someone. I just call it having chemistry. If you've had chemistry in school, you know that some things mix well together and other things you don't dare mix together or it can be dangerous. Having chemistry or pheromones the same or similar means the pheromones mix well. They're invisible so how can you tell if you have compatible pheromones?
The kiss. That's the first sign and you usually don't have to go any further than the kiss to have an inkling wether it would work out.

The fact you didn't like the kiss with him was most likely because the two of you do not make a good match pheremone wise. But before you think theres a quick fix, there isnt. We can't change the pheromones our bodies emit any more than we can change how tall we are or the color of our eyes (without artificial means).

If you were lesbian, you would pretty much suspect that already and it wouldnt be because of reaction to his kiss. If you were truly lesbian and not bi, you would get sexually aroused, attracted to and feel desire for females only. A bi woman will have several scenerios. Either shes single and dates both men and women as well as sex, or she has just one male who is her husband and has one or many lesbian partners. Men are more accepting and not as jealous when it comes to their woman loving of them but also women. Its not as threatening as the other person being another male. Since you were looking at guys and not females, I am fairly sure you at this point in your life are attracted to males not females.

Lets looks for example at something different, what gender a person is. Little children not in school yet and who do not have hormones of puberty yet to rely on to help them know whether they are male or female. They just follow what they are attracted by or most interested in. If a 4 yr old male child wants to wear dresses like sister and play with dolls, no one had to tell him he was transgender. I feel to a good extent you can have a pretty good idea of where you are currently at sexually and know what you are attracted to without having experienced it before.

Who we are sexually in our teens when we are just newly embarked on our sexual journey is one that will last a lifetime. Who I was at 16 did not resemble who I was sexually at 20 or 36, 46 or now 58 because I have continued to learn and grow and experience more things sexually depending on who my partners were, and other surrounding circumstances. You will change too. Perhaps in the future, you just may meet that one female you fall in love with but you are also in love with a boyfriend or a husband and you are bi. Or some people marry and have kids and later in life decided that they had just buried the truth about how they've always felt and just wanted to fit in and not stick out so they went along with what they felt would most resemble a society normal? But the thing is, practically any kind of realation;ship these days is considered normal.

I wouldn't worry about being able to label yourself now for anything other than just now. What you identify with sexually in the future, can be defined in the future. So try dating guys for now. If you feel the same way after dating just guys, then might be the time to try a female the next time .

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I'm a 33 year old female, I'm 5'8 average built, and I think I'm a cute person. I don't have self esteem issues, I look in the mirror and think of myself as cute. But no guys ever approach me that I'm even remotely interested in. It's always guys old enough to be my father, which completely grosses me out. Don't get me wrong, there's lots of older attractive men out there... I for one rather not date someone in their 60's... Ten years older than me is my limit. And that's usually who approaches me, or weirdo looking guys, I wouldn't dare go out with. I keep my make up nice and simple, I'm kinda a perfectionist when it comes to beauty, so my hair is always neat... I'm a cocktail waitress, and writer... So I see guys on the regular, at work.. Stores etc etc... Yet no one that I'm even at all attracted to approaches me. And let me put it out there, I'm not one of those females with imaginary high standards. You don't have to be the most handsome or rich dude out there... I just prefer someone I have some attraction to. Please don't suggest online dating... I've tried it... From the paid sites, to the free ones... No luck, I've only been approached by weirdos, old guys, dudes who were already in a relationship, or guys looking for a meal ticket, guys only wanting hookups... The first and only date I had... Which wasn't technically a date at all... We met at Starbucks, and I had to buy my own coffee... Let's just say we never talked again.... I can go on and on... But I won't, lol online dating is no longer an option for me... Yet I feel like without it I have no chance... I understand whomever is reading this doesn't know me personally... So you can't give the most accurate advice... But any little can help... I'm just so tired of being alone, I want love so bad it hurts...

I understand not being thrilled with internet dating. When I did, a great majority of the guys who wrote had an opening line about how hot or sexy I looked. I came across many liars, guys with anger problems and since my ex was verbally abusive, I came across two who were like that too, once directed at me, other at his maid.However the good news is that I found my second husband thru a dating site. This was a free dating site. In fact I just asked him which other sites he used if any were for pay. He checked out Match.com in case you haven't tried but says from statistics he has read, that E Harmony has the higher ratings, just in case you decide in the future to try again.

As Adviceman said, the content of whats written in your profile may be attracting the wrong sort.
And of those who wrote to me, 95% were undesirables to me but there were also that small percent of good guys. I used the internet more as a tool to come to know of someones existance and then wrote, talked by phone but if promising sounding, I would meet in public at a coffee shop and we always bought our own drinks.

The big plus about on line dating if used properly, is that it cuts down on the hunting for a needle in a haystack deal, and tho the only good guys I was learning about were maybe 5%, it was faster than and less disapointing than for me to go to a singles meetup. Some of the dating sites planned an actual in person meet up for your geographic region, or there are other singles events you can attend regarding a favorite pastime or hobby and meet with someone who had the same. It was too tedious to meet in person.
Just so you'll know I really do understand and have experienced the best and the worst of this situation, at one singles event, I was standing in this restaurant reserved for it, listening to some people do Kareoke when a cute guy comes to stand next to meet and introduce himself. He asked me a question or two but his 3rd question was about religion. He told me about his, one of the highly religious zealot types and I tried to answer tactfully when I said I used to attend church, am still a believer but also my eyes are open to accepting more out there that the Christian church doesn't. He asked for clarification and upon my answer he reacted in dramatic horror and exclaimed loud enough for many to hear, "Oh my, you're back-slidden, a heathen. Get away from me right now!" he shouted. At which point I pointed out, you are the one who approached me, not me you. So I am not leaving but you can." And he was leaving before I finished that sentence.

You won't believe how many times I tweaked what I wrote, basically as I stumbled across things in profile that worked better and those that didn't as much.
I got to your point, so disillusioned that I prayed and asked God what to do. I got an answer to make a list of what I was looking for in a guy and for it to be very detailed and see if God couldn't provide that to me. After a long rash of bad guys who initially sounded good, I cried out and said, God, I'll even take an alien who can mask as human looking. All I want is a man who will truly love me and want to remain as my companion the rest of my life.

It is this information I'd like to share with you and can drop and paste that document in here. You can use it with or without dating sites. And as adviceman said, it may be best to get a close friend who knows you well to sit with you and help set what goes into it, or write your list on paper or on your phone and save it and memorize the points you want to hit when talking to a guy and theres' no reason to wait for a guy to approach you in person out and about.
The reason guys don't approach you in public is because they aren't really sure how to approach a female. They don't know if a gal is single and thats too awkward to them. Lots of guys just like gals lack self confidence. More often than not, the hot guys with lady chasing tendencies have the confidence and will approach but a good majority of these just want sex, not a relationshiop. This I am sharing all from my own observations. Just keep in mind that though there are things I can state are pretty much an expected behavior, doesn't always stand. There are people who are exceptions to all of this so I was kind and gentle but firm, and I called the shots. That may be just what you need to meet a guy.



How to Find Mr. Right

First, how well do you know yourself? I used a dating site 2nd time around. It worked for me to find my true love. However, to fill out a profile for yourself, to really describe yourself, your personality and who you are at core, is hard to do, like writing about your work strengths in a resume. Just think of meeting prospective men as a mutual job interview where both are being screened for the job of being each others mate.

So this is just as important as a resume only more so. You can easily leave a job that doesnt work out. Its much harder with a boyfriend or husband. So its best to be able to describe yourself well for those few you meet who may be promising. They will have something specific they are looking for as well and need to be able to recognize the possibility that you may be the one for them. You'll need to create this list or bio on yourself before you can form the list of what you are looking for in a guy.

So, ask yourself what it is in life that lights you up, makes you not just happy but content and feeling fulfilled. Ask yourself what is or are the passions deep inside that push you to seek out certain hobbies, pastimes, certain people with the same? Remember that the guy needs to answer all the same things and it falls to you to prompt him and ask.

I'll give you an example. One of the things that make me passionate about certain things in life is that I am a nurturing person deep at core. This nurturing desire needs to be expressed and has been through several different avenues. For one, being a mother and raising my kids, now grandkids, loving planting and tending a garden, and yes, giving advice in an advice column. All of these things require a person driven by nurture, such as my wanting to be of help to you, to see you break free of whatever is holding you back in life or keeping you unhappy.

Once you have defined yourself with some really good descriptive words or scenerios, you will be drawing on this list to make a list of criteria of what is most important in a guy.
If you need help with the list of yourself, please just ask me and I will help.

Now, for the list of what you feel is Mr. Right for you.
Actually, there will be two lists. A list of Must Haves, things which if missing are a deal breaker because they are that important to you. Do not let any guy tell you that your criteria is extremely unreasonable. I got that often. It means the guy can't meet your criteria, can't meet your 'Must Haves' and wants you to lower your standard for them and these guys don't give a crap about who you are and why these are your criteria. A deal breaker would be “I want a guy who wants to have kids” “I want a guy who isnt afraid to commit, settle down and marry” “I want a guy who is open minded spiritually and will allow me to believe whatever I do without trying to convert me to his belief” “I want a guy who never raises his voice to me and is able to calmly talk things out.” “I want a guy who isn't a smoker or recreational drug user”.
I for example am very allergic to cigarette smoke or the lingering odor of it. Guys who smoked met with me pretending at first that they didn't smoke. Sitting across a table at a restaurant first time, I couldn't pick up on smoke odor but when riding in their car on a later date it was heavy cigarette odor in there. He claimed he didnt smoke but later by habit pulled out a cigarette and felt it was okay to lie to me cus I might fall in love once I got to know him and the cigarette smoke wouldn't matter. It mattered that strongly to me and pissed off a couple guys real badly but you have to stick with what you want. This helps to eliminate guys with major character faults, such as being inconsistent, liars, cheaters, etc....

Do not worry that this is an extreme plan or will scare the good guys away. Rather, doing this will weed out any lingering smooth talkers, scamming types who are pretending to be someone they are not. To put up a false front takes lots of personal energy and at some point the fake facade will slip, and its up to you to be alert to catch that and then dump him. Don't feel badly if you are fooled in the first meeting or two. By time I got to the 3rd date with one guy, he ranted about his maid and used horrible names and things to call her talking behind her back and it was so similar to the behavior I hated in my ex, that Ik recognized it and never saw him again.

As for you being firm and telling guys how its going to go, it has been found in tests done that men (the good ones worth having) are attracted to a woman who knows what she wants, she will stick by it without making excuses or apologizing for it, not afraid to ask for or state what she wants. This attitude is basically having a strong self confidence and self confidence in a woman is what made these good men choose the confident woman over the prettier ones in looks. They described it as the men finding this trait as often sexier in a woman than her looks.

The other list is the what you WANT, like the icing on the cake. It is not a need or requirement but would be nice or prefered. This list you don't share with the guy. Its for yourself incase you find several guys who meet all the critieria of your other list, to help you choose from among them.

So on this list is where you find things like, he likes to go dancing, he is a musician or sings well, he likes gardening, has interest in meditation, has long hair, has a 6 pack. I listed that I wanted a man who was height and weight proportionate. This means maybe there might be some chub but basically they will look reasonably okay without looking like a body builder. These things are not deal breakers for me, but if they are to you, then they're in the wrong list. These are things you would like to see but if you don't get, you can live with or without whatever it is, for the rest of your life.

I promise, these lists will help. What I am not promising is that this is instant. Its a process. You'll also refine it or think of things to add as you run across guys or problems that you didn't think needed to be in a list. Then if not using a dating site and posting these out there right in the beginning, at least on a 2nd date if a guy asks you out twice, (means he is reasonably interested in you) tell him you have something important you need to share with him. It's important to you. Then recite your list to him. If afraid you may leave something important off, have copies of your list in your purse to hand out to a guy. If he looks at you like this must be a joke or asks such, keep calm and smile nicely and let him know that you are very serious and have resorted to this measure because simply going out with just random guys in the past and into a relationship resulted in the wrong guy each time. This is okay to give examples on if he asks. Make no excuses. If he gets upset or has a problem with any of your criteria, you could ask him why, but you can't rely at this early stage whether he may be telling the truth or not to get you to trust him and lower your standards. It is best to tell him you've decided to not consider him, as if he was an applicant for a job and his resume just isn't enough to get the position of 'boyfriend'. Think of yourself as your own human resources manager, looking for the perfect applicant for the available position of boyfriend. With that in mind, you know that you will have to turn away many hopefuls. I even had some guys beg me to choose them by the end of a first time meet up. That killed it. Spoke volumes of them feeling insecure, wimpy as males, and having low self esteem, all of which I wished to avoid. I would call such a coffee meet up as a info gathering type of date. There's 2 kinds dear, one in which an established couple goes out and the one I am talking about is most important or you won't get to the couple stage. This is the meet up for one face to face at someplace public, lots of people around and someplace not costly or expensive. I don't want either myself or him to pay $50 to $100 for a fancy dining experience when all I am doing is screening him as a possible contender for the position of my boyfriend or husband. It's better for everyone this way and no upset guys for forking out money only to have you say, you've decided he isn't the right man for you. I would start anything I shared info wise by stating that I preferred to be an open book, show all my spots and wrinkles up front so in case he doesnt like what he sees, he can just walk away from this meeting and I won't think any worse of him. I believe giving guys this 'out' up front make them feel more comfortable to truly listen to what I had to say and yes, there were a few who either on the coffee date or a later one decided to end it. If you see a guy often enough who sounds real promising, like couple times a week plus chats by phone/text, then in a reasonably short time, a couple of months, you can know if he's someone to take a chance on. Trust takes a long time to build for anyone, but what is it that brings about this kind of trust in each other, a person being consistant in who they say they are, how they act, talk, their convictions, hopes dreams, etc... and if they are always the same, then you know you can trust them. The ones who are all over the place.
Be safe too by meeting as I said in a public place. Go that first time or first couple of times in your own car there and back. Less chance of a horny guy attacking you in the car or taking you somewhere secluded to do the same.

I hope the list trick will work for you as it did for me. I did get really frustrated along the way but remember you are waiting for the guy who is looking for you to exercise his free will and make some choices. You might want to practice first how to approach and talk to guys. Gals have always been better at relationship stuff so it makes sense for a woman to take the lead in this situation. My husband saw my profile several times a year before he wrote to me. I couldn't see his and he had it hidden on the dating network. He told me the reason it took him so long to write me, he had met with women who wrote all the stuff I said about myself and he had only two requirements on his 'must have' list which were deal breakers if not present in me. Since all the promising women he met were not what they said they were, he was disillusioned and actually told me after we got together that at first he thought I was full of BS and couldn't possibly the the right one he was looking for. There are guys like him out there, who are gentlemen, a one-woman man who is looking for someone for forever like a wife. By my story I hope you see that both he and I were about ready to give up on ever finding the person right for us and us entering our 50's at the time, no longer kids. This is a lot said and yet there is so much more detail to share. So ask me if you have questions.

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