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Now that me and my boyfriend are dating im realizing he doesnt know me?
Me and my boyfriend have been friends for 3 years before we recently started dating 2 weeks ago. Since we've been dating i learned (already) that my boyfriend hasnt really took the time to know me that well. We just talked alot and we went to the movies and he was really sweet to me when he was pursuing me but he never really took the time to get to know me as a person. As a result, i find myself unable to confide in him with personal problems i may be dealing with. I told him i feel like im a stranger to him. The thing is i know him very well. I always ask him questions about his life because im interested in him. But he hasnt done the same and whenever i mention something about myself im somehow "bragging" (he says this in a teasing way but he says it every time i say something about me so there has to be some truth to it). We are always talking about him and his interests and memories of his. I told him all of this and that i feel like he doesnt really act like he takes an interest in me as a person (he shows affection alot but he doesnt ask about myself). When i confronted him on this (on the phone) he was getting really upset telling that he likes me alot and he is interested and he has shown it. I suggested maybe we should take a step back until we know eachother better and he got even more upset. He says we shouldnt break up over this but he didnt really listen when i said until we know each other better (temporarily!).I asked him if since he doesnt know me that well what is it that he even liked about me? He told me he did know me and that he liked everything about me and shouldnt have to list specific things. I also mentioned that there are friends i have that know me better then he does and we've been knowing each other for the same amount of time. He demanded the names of those people like he didnt believe me. He started choking up on the phone and apologizing alot to me and that he never wanted to make me feel like this and that it wasn't his intent. He says we can talk this out without breaking up and that we should talk in person. I dont really know what to do. This was this morning and im still upset about it. He hasn't texted me since and i just dont know if i should've started dating him. Even the things ive told him about me he always forgets and acts like i never said it and this is the BASIC things ive told him. Maybe he just isn't that interested in me? Maybe he just wants a girlfriend just to have one and not to actually know them? (We're both 17, seniors in high school)
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Hon, this could go two ways, it could be his personality type and that this is who he is at core, by nature and to change himself to be just perfect for you would mean his whole character is out of balance and unhappy at some point. Or he could be a guy who as you described, doesn't care enough to really know you. By his reaction to when you talked of a temporary split, I'd say that who he is naturally is genuinely caring about you and can not see how you'd think anything is wrong. By the way, if you really think this guy is special other than this one thing, then spending less time together won't solve anything either.
Since you've been friends 3 yrs, I am wondering how in 3 yrs time, next to nothing was learned about you, regardless that you are now dating. Was it good enough for you when just friends?
I think we put a higher importance on the person who wins that spot next to us as potential mate. I may have friends who know me well enough but the person who knows me the best is my husband. I talked a lot with my guy before married, and I realize you're only 17, but until you marry, every male that you meet will help you to put together an idea in your mind of what you are looking for in a guy and who would mesh best with you, even if there are some differences.
The dating experience is either going out socially for fun or it can be used to whittle down the personalities and types to even learn what you really need and want. I wasn't there to hear what all you did in talking as friends. I never suggest movies in dating cus neither is talking, just watching and being entertained. You could go out to a movie every night for the rest of your life with a person and never get to know anything at all about them except for perhaps their favorite genre of movie. Thats not enough to know if its someone you want to date long term with or be with for life.
Who he is as is right now, may not make you happy but that personality and character might be just perfect for a girl totally different than you. All I can say is if its a long term relationship like marriage that ends up with a problem like this, counseling may help straighten things out. May he changes, maybe he doesnt and you just change how you feel about it. Myself personally, I needed a man as chatty and open about himself as me and I sought it, found it and we're happy. He does ask me lots about myself. Even after 7 yrs, we are still learning new things about each other, not cus we're not taking the time to leaern along the way, just that there are so many things to learn about each other.
If this is so upsetting to you that you are always miserable, even if he treats you well otherwise, then either he is the wrong one for you, or you must find that one person, a girlfriend whom you can go to when you need advice and a hug. I would say to wait tho cus a person and who they are at 17 can change so much in a decade and he just may have a caring streak that is just starting to develop in him. Now if he was in his 30s and still doing this, I'd say to look elsewhere right now;.
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