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My friend seems to be mad
I go to middle school. I have a close group of friends whom I always hang out with, sometimes along with other people. So I'll name them L, J, R and O. So I am closer to J and R as they always stand up for me, help me and laugh with me. L is also a great friend, but I don't know her as well. O joined us last term. So last week L threw a party inviting T R and some others. I asked R and figured L was mad at me for unknown reasons. O wasn't invited either so we talked a bit about it. At school me and L are still friendly and nice to eachother, and nobody brought the party up. But I'm still confused as I've been to all of L J R's houses and we've been shopping and stuff a couple of times. I don't know what I've done wrong as I'm usually careful about gossiping . I know I just wrote a bunch of mess but this is complicated and it's the best way I can explain it.
Thanks for reading. Please give me some advice.
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I dont know any of you but I do know something major about middle school girls. This is when hormones really take over, your body has changed a lot and is still changing physically. The hormones needed to change your body will spike in your system during these years and it can last until you leave HS. That spike in hormones usually dwindles back down to a normal level when in later teens. What a high level of hormones does to young females is mess with their emotions. I went through it, my 3 girls went thru it. You can cry at the drop of a hat, for nothing at all...just weepy or another is getting angry or irritated easily for pretty much no good reason at all. This is something which if too extreme, there is help from Dr.s with balancing out a teen girls hormones.
Also at this age, we're still learning to become individual rather than be sucked up into a crowd and be copying everyone else, All kids following whats trending with others. Why? We all want to be liked, and loved and have lots of friends and be self confident and so we can be extremely sensitive if we think things aren't going that way. L may not be in touch with what's bothering her and really not know why she's upset with you.
We also tend to take things personally and have a lower self confidence at this age. Heck if I could go back in time to HS with the self confidence I have now, I'd actually enjoy high school and it would turn out so different from what it was like for me. L could just be upset from something as simple as a look on your face when you looked at her a couple days ago because her hormones are causing an overreaction along with some distorted thinking. Females also seem to be more competitive fighting against each other for boyfriends and female friends at the teen and college years. As we get older and self confident, we're more supportive of each other and don't feel so easily threatened or jealous though those feelings can arise.
You may want to wait for a day when she seems to be in her best mood and try to talk to her then. When someone is upset, is the wrong time to question them. I would also suggest trying to identify with her in whatever it is she says she's upset about. Even if I have to stretch the truth here or choose words carefully.
Heres an example: If someone stated she didn't like the tone of voice I was talking to her in one day, I would apologize and say that I never meant to talk to her that way. I dont even recall it but I must have been having a bad day. I will try to improve on that in the future. Now she says, maybe I overreacted or assumed wrong. Those are common human errors but no one likes to be found lacking and i am quick to step in and say, Hey, You're not the only one, I have made lots of assumptions myself and thought someone had a bad attitude towards me when it was actually that they had a raging headache at the time and none of us are at our best when we're hurting.
Using something like these methods when talking to her can be very helpful to making her comfortable, lowering her defenses and losing her anger or whatever is bothering if indeed one of you girls is or she believes is at the root cause of how she feels. I had one who at this age was very moody and when she got like that, I had to stay away from her and give her the couple of weeks it took for her to get over it and back to normal. It may not be how your friend works but you could ask if she just doesnt want to see you for a while. Let her know you will honor that but when she is feeling better, you hope she lets you know cus you really like her as a friend and would miss her if she stayed away forever. Thats the only two types of reactions I can think of, softening up to you in a convo or wanting more time to herself to get over it in her own way.
You can get her to let her guard down and trust you enough to really tell you if you use a gentle loving tone of voice, not the kind of interviewing or interrogation style.
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