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about

Hi I'm Dee. I'm 23 and married. I've worked in health care as well as office settings but am now a home-maker. I'm knowledgeable in a variety of subjects but don't mind doing a little research if asked about something I don't know about. Most of my friends come to me for advice. I read several advice columns and would like to help you also.

I'm not judgemental. Your life is yours to live it as you choose. I believe asking for advice is good, but ultimately the choice is yours. You WILL NOT find a hurtful or smartass answer here.

If you have a question that you would like to keep private, you can email me and I'll get back to you as soon as possible.

advice

I work with an elderly lady who can't seem to mind her own business. I'm the office manager and so she blames me for all her failings, like not getting raises, not being allowed to check voicemail, etc. She won't be honest with me about the way she feels yet she has no problem running her mouth about me and everyone else to anyone willing to listen. We have a very small office, there is only 5 of us here. So of course everyone knows what she says b/c that's how gossip is. Anyway, she's making my work difficult and making up lies to the boss and I want it stopped. How can I do this without stooping to her level?

It sounds like you have your hands full with this one. What I would recommend is to talk to your boss first to see how he/she wishes to proceed with this situation. Explain to them what's going on and how you've attempted to deal with it. Bring up the issue of how this woman's behavior is interfering with your ability to do your own work. The boss may decide to handle the issue personally or request that you have a meeting with this woman to explain that her behavior is unprofessional.

If you do have a meeting with this woman, I would suggest first calmly explaining what has occurred to bring on the meeting (for example, the gossiping, complaining, etc). Then, I would allow her to explain her side. Once she has finished, break her behavior down and explain why each thing is wrong. If you're not responsible for deciding who gets a raise, let her know that. If checking voicemail or gossiping on company time is against company policy, tell her and, if your company has a written policy, show her it in writing. Tell her that you're giving her an opportunity to correct the problem. If your boss approves of the action, let her know that if the problems continue, you will be forced to let her go.

How do you get rid of frizz in curly hair? home remedies?

Hair usually frizzes when it's dry or damaged. Natural conditioning treatment can help.

To make an egg conditioner, get an egg and let it come to room temperature. Separate the yolk from the egg white. Whip the egg white until it comes to a peak. Add one tablespoon of water to the yolk and stir until blended. Mix the yolk mixture and egg white together. Wet hair with warm water, squeeze out excess water, then massage egg mixture into scalp until frothy. Rinse with cool water, then repeat until egg mixture is gone. Make sure to rinse well.

Another option is using mayonnaise. Warm half a cup of mayo and apply to dry hair. Cover with plastic wrap (a shower cap works great for this) and wait 15 minutes. Rinse well, then shampoo as usual.

I have also heard of using coconut oil. Massage a small amount into your hands then work through hair. Use sparingly; otherwise your hair will appear greasy.

Olive oil can also be used. Heat a small amount until warm, then apply to dry hair. Cover with plastic wrap and leave on for 15 minutes. Rinse well, then shampoo as usual.

A remedy that works from the inside out is simply improving your diet. Drink plenty of water. Eat lots of fruits and veggies. This will help to provide your hair with the vitamins, minerals, and moisture it needs. It has the added bonus of being healthy for the rest of your body as well.

Another thing that may help is letting hair air-dry rather than blowdrying. It takes longer, but is much healthier for your hair. Try not to brush hair until it's completely dry. This will help to reduce breakage which contributes to frizzies.

During winter, my face gets a little bit of dry skin on my forehead and near my eyebrows. Is there any way to deal with this without making my skin oily? Thx

I have this same problem every winter. In fact, someone commented the other week that I must have been out in the sun too much because my face was peeling.

First, I would suggest making sure you're drinking enough water. It works by providing moisture from the inside out. Second, when you get out of the shower and your skin is still damp, take a clean, dry washcloth and gently rub your face. It will help to loosen the dry skin and also improve circulation. Third, try to limit face-washing. It can strip needed oils from your skin, making it more dry than before. I've found that a once daily face-wash works well without drying out my skin too much. Last, use a moisturizer daily. I use Aveeno Positively Radiant. I apply it after I shower at night and again in the morning before I go out.

First of all I'll give a little background. I met my friend almost 10 years ago, we were both teenagers at the time and instantly clicked for some reason. We had little inside jokes and shared everything. I felt like she was the sister I never had. We talked about dating and as we grew older we discussed our marriages. She had a baby boy while I went through infertility and a miscarriage. That put a strain on our friendship because I was jealous and she didn't understand why i found it hard to be around her baby. We didn't speak for about 6 months and I finally wrote her a letter of apology. Then she moved away, we kept in contact and after a year she moved back and everything was just like it was before. By the way we were each other's maid of honors at our weddings. When I finally got pregnant she threw my baby shower and held my hand while I went to doctors appts and went through labor. We had our differences. She was very outgoing and I was shy. She had a lot of friends and I had a hard time making them. She was religious and I was undecided. I went through christianity to wicca and finally settled on atheism. She was christian but not a hard core bible thumper. After my baby was born we talked about parenting a lot. She believed in spanking and letting your child cry it out, I didn't. I expressed my disagreement but told her I thought everyone had the right to parent as they saw fit. We talked about politics and after 9-11 we both agreed that Bush should go into Iraq & Afghanistan. We both agreed that abortion was wrong. We talked about religion and she said she thought her other friend was going to hell because she was mormon. At this point she had started going to church religiously. I asked her where she thought I was going since I was atheist and she told me, hell. I hung up on her and cried but we patched things up a few hours later. I was hurt that despite knowing what kind of person I was that she still thought just because her bible said so that I was going to a place where they keep murderers and rapists in the same place as nonbelievers. I couldn't believe that she judged me like that. I thought she accepted me no matter what, after all I accepted her no matter what. Sure we had our differences but we also had things in common. I became more disenchanted with organized religion and talked about a paper I was writing that was anti-bible with her. After a lot of thinking I decided I was against the war in Iraq and we talked about that. I had pictures of her kids all over my walls and vise versa, we both babysat for each other and talked on the phone for hours at a time. Whenever she was upset about something I was there for her and vise versa. Her brother died of a drug overdose and I supported her through that. A few months later she started avoiding me. I would call and she would say she was busy. I just had a feeling she was mad at me. We had always said after the last time we didn't speak for 6 months that we would work things out next time and we would be friends until we were old ladies. So I asked her what was wrong and she said she was just busy. I accepted that answer. Then I get an email from her. She says that although she still cares about me, she's been wondering why we're friends still. Maybe it was just because we had known each other so long because we didn't have anything in common any more as far as politics, parenting and religion go. She said something like she didn't feel like we were good friends any more. I felt like she was saying that I couldn't be her best friend because I didn't vote to re-elect Bush, spank my kids and go to church every sunday like she did. I cried as I read her letter and felt like I had been slapped in the face. Like she was insulting everything that I stand for. I fired back and told her that I couldn't be her clone and that although we were different I never expected her to be just like me and change her views. She responded with "sorry you feel that way, have a nice life" that just made it worse, she didn't even care about ending a 10 year friendship! Just like that. Now I have no friends, nobody to talk to if I'm feeling blue or need to vent about my husband or chat about parenting or politics. I don't know how to make new friends and don't really want to because I'm afraid I'll just be rejected again for my different views. Sometimes I miss my friend so much and just want to call her and make up but I know I can't. What can I do to make this feeling go away? It's been almost a year and I'm miserable

I'm sorry you're going through this right now. It's hard to lose a friendship, especially one that has lasted as long as this one. As people age, they sometimes become set in their ways. If views are severely different, it can lead to a breakdown of the relationship.

Personally, I think your friend was wrong to end the friendship because you had different beliefs than her. It's not common to find someone who is a clone (to borrow your word) of yourself and I think she is being unrealistic to expect you to change to meet what she feels is the correct way to live. My husband and I have widely different views on politics which has led to some lively debates, yet I can't imagine ending our marriage because he doesn't feel the same way I do.

I think the previous advisor made some good suggestions. I would like to add a few things. If your child is in school, have you considered volunteering at the school? It would give you the opportunity to meet other parents. Another option is trying the internet. With the wide variety of email groups, forums and chatrooms, you should be able to find someone who shares a common interest.

It's common after a breakdown of a relationship to be afraid to try again for the fear of being rejected. One thing to keep in mind is not everyone will feel the same way as your friend did. Many people are tolerant of others' beliefs even if they don't necessarily agree with them.

Last, I would sit down and write your friend a letter to explain your feelings. You don't have to send it, but I think it would help to just get it out.

13/m
ok i hope that this is in the correct category. well i masturbate wayyy 2 much. i kno i need 2 stop. 1 because my girlfriend doesn't like me doing it. 2. becuz its a little weird that i do it a lot. like whenever i get a boner ( and no1 is around or im in my room , if im at my house ) i masturbate. i only do it at my house and shit but still. Plus the major thing is that i need 2 do this for my girlfriend * i dont wanna loose her or risk loosing her *. please dont tell me 2 think of sumthing else, trust me i have tried, it doesn't work for me.
thanks in advance
tiredofit

Instead of thinking of something else, have you tried doing something else? For example, when the urge hits, try exercising or even calling your girlfriend. Distracting yourself with another activity, especially one that puts you in a situation where you can't indulge, might help to take your mind off of it.

Hi, I'm a 13 year old female. My friend Amber and I have been friends for about a year. Yeah, I know not long but were are or were best friends. It all started when she made me extremly mad over not telling me she was going out with my Ex boyfriend. I have no feelings for him what-so-ever. But I felt that since I told her everything and we had agreed that we would tell anything to each other that she should have told me.
So I wrote her a letter telling her I was upset and that she should have at least told me when she first started dating him. She always takes things the wrong way, like for example when I wrote her the letter; she thought that I was not her friend and that I didn't want to be around her. When I clearly stated in the letter that I didn't want our friendship to end.
She always takes things that way and she made me feel guilty over it. But I when I wrote the letter I wasn't like, "You stupid hoe! You should have told me!!". Not like that. So my question is. Did I have a right to do what I did?

I don't see anything wrong with telling your friend how you feel. Friends should be open with each other and able to tell each other if they feel something is wrong.

Since she has taken it the wrong way, you may need to sit down with her for a heart-to-heart. Remind her again that you don't want the friendship to end. Let her know that you were upset, not because she was dating your ex, but instead because you were hurt that she didn't share the information with you. If you're normally both open with each other, tell her how much that means to you so she can see exactly why her hiding her relationship hurt. Good luck.

i'm going to gr10 next year and we gotta pick subjects to take. which one should i take? french or spanish? i live in canada so i guess french would be useful.. but i SUCK at french and i've never taken spanish before so they're going to start from like.. the stuff they teach you on dora the explorer so i guess i'll be okay in spanish.. but i don't know which one i should pick.. people say french is more useful but i guess i should get more people's opinions before i make my final choice. please help =)

I had a similar problem when I was in high school. I ultimately chose to take Spanish since our area had a lot of Spanish-speaking immigrants. I was able to practice with them and ended up picking up a lot just listening to them.

Since French is spoken in Canada, you'll probably have more chances to practice French, not only later in life, but also while you're taking the class. Being able to practice more could make it easier and lead to a higher grade. However, if you find Spanish more comfortable, you may find it easier.

Recently my sister got a game for her PS2 that let's you sing. I've played it a few times and it got kind of addicting. I've done really good on it and I think I actually kind of have a good voice. My parents and sistre and brother say I have a good voice and so do the rest of my extended family. I think it needs some work. But now I was thinking about it and I want to get someones opinion who will be honest with em about it that's not like in my family or one of my friends. Can anyone tell me where to find someone who won't try not to hurt my feelings and just be plain honest? EVen anyone on here?

There's a couple ways you can get an unbiased opinion. If your school has a choir, ask the teacher that's over it if she/he would mind offering an opinion. If you attend church, you could also try the choir director. A last option is finding someone who gives voice lessons. Ask around or check your local phone book to find one. The only problem with this option is you'll probably have to pay something. However, if you are good and can afford the lessons, they can help you train your voice to reach the full potential. Good luck.

Does anyone else find this strange? I had gotten hired 3 months ago at a new store. Well I just found out today that my boss wants a criminal record check of everyone in my department. I also found out that it was only my department that needed the criminal record check. There are 7 of us that work in the clothing department. None of us handle cash, we just let people into the change rooms and put out new stock. Wouldnt they have asked us to get a criminal record check before they hired us? It's a little insulting to be honest.
I rate high!

A lot of businesses require a criminal record check for employees. It's usually, but not always, done before you're hired. In fact, if you read the fine print on an application, there is usually a part where you give your consent to a background check.

I do find it a little odd that it wasn't done before your hire and that it is only in your department. It's possible that there are some problems in your department that the boss is trying to get to the bottom of. If it really bothers you, you could try talking to your boss. However, I wouldn't suggest it as the boss may assume you're upset because you have something to hide.

i get a lot of popups and there are some nasty ones like porn.. and it gets really annoying and i use ad-aware but it doesnt work well.. i also use limewire so would that be the cause of it? can someone PLEASE tell me what to do cause im sick of these popups

Ad-Aware is a good start, but it doesn't catch everything. I would suggest getting Spybot and running it as well. It usually catches what Ad-Aware misses and vice versa. It's free and very user-friendly. I'm including the link for you to download it.
http://www.safer-networking.org/en/download/index.html

It's also a good idea to run a virus scan just to rule out any viruses. Try to update all your utilities (antivirus, Ad-Aware, etc) on a weekly basis to ensure you have up-to-date protection.

A popup blocker may help with your problem, but I've found that they can be annoying at times. They're usually designed to block all popups so they can be a pain if you're on a site that requires popup windows. If you do decide to go with a popup blocker, try to find one that you can customize so popups that you want to see are not blocked.

please help me i was sexualy abused when i was younger by my grandad and i hate him for it but i cant stay mad at him i still talk to him and everthing and then all the memories all come back to me i know i am not to blame but i just want to know why he done this to me but i am scared to ask him because he will not admit it and i want to be mad at him but i am the kind of person who forgives people no matter what they have done what can i do please help me.

I'm sorry you had to go through this. In situations like these, it's common to have conflicting emotions towards the one that abused you. If you haven't already, I would suggest seeking counseling. You can talk to a counselor toll free any time of the day by calling 1-800-656-HOPE. They are better qualified than I to help you work through your emotions and find a solution that works for you. Good luck.

My boyfriend, Mike, and I have been together for about 2 years now. His father was diagnosed with cancer last May and they didn't catch it until it was too advanced. He's been in and out of the hospital since then and now about 5 days a week. They let him go home everyday and come back the next.

Today they offically gave him 6 months to live.

He cried when he was telling me. I've known him since we were 12 (we're both now 18) and I've never once seen him cry.

His brother commited suicide in October and he didn't even cry then.

I don't know what to do here. I don't know what to say and I don't know how to act. You'd think after knowning him and his family for so long that I would have a clue. But I don't. Not even after his brother.

It's always hard to lose a loved one, especially when it's a waiting game like this situation. I lost my best friend who was like a sister to me to cancer just last week. For now, just be there for your boyfriend and his family. Let them know that you're there for them if they need someone to talk to or a shoulder to cry on. As things progress, you can offer to sit with your boyfriend's father to give them a break if they need it. Sitting with a terminally ill loved one can be very stressful. Sometimes family members need a break from the situation. You can also offer help with cooking, housework or errands. By helping to take those chores off their hands, it gives them more time to spend with the father.

why do people on here ask about touchy questions when they dont want to hear the truth? like for instance some person just asked why people are mean to mormans or something along those lines and although ive never heard that i told the person exactly why i know mormans are unliked from where im from and he flipped on me because i guess thats not what he wanted to here. so if you dont want to hear the truth why do you ask those questions?

I think sometimes the questioner gets upset if they don't get the response they're expecting. I've had it happen a couple times myself when responding to a question. Unfortunately, there's not a lot you can do. This will happen both here on the site and out in the world as well. If the person was abusive in their response to your answer, I would suggest filing an abuse report.
http://www.advicenators.com/abuse.php

I am not a very smart person, but I try hard to learn as much as I can. I learn and learn, but every once in a while, i seem to mess up my grades. I always screw up my good average. I would love to go to Oxford University.When I say love, I mean LOVE!! My life would be complete if I were to actually get in. What could I possibly do to make it into Oxford?

First, start with your study habits. Is the area free of distractions (TV, telephone, etc)? Do you have everything you need (books, pen or pencil, notepad) while you're studying? Try to set aside time each day to study.

Second, if you're having trouble understanding what you're learning, don't be afraid to ask for help. Many teachers will give you more individualized attention if you just let them know you don't understand. Hiring a tutor might be another option to explore.

While grades are an important part of what colleges look for, they're not all of it. They usually look at your extracurricular activites and have you write an essay as well. Try to make sure your extracurricular activities are well-rounded. If you don't do so already, consider doing some volunteer work in the community. Try your local hospital or nursing home to find opportunities. When I applied to college, the admissions officer told me that one of the things that impressed her is the fact that I had done a lot of volunteer work.

If you have to write an essay, make sure to proofread it for errors and comprehension several times. Ask others to look it over as well. My English teacher was a great resource to me when I was writing essays because she was always willing to look them over and offer suggestions.

Do you believe that "God" has already planned out our destiny, or do you believe we make our own destiny?

And do you believe everything happens for a reason, or do you feel that's just some clever line a thinker thought up to try to reduce the amount of stress and anger in our lives?

I believe that God has a plan for us. However, I also believe that God gives us the freedom to make choices in our lives for ourselves, whether they follow His plan or not. I look at God like a parent sometimes. He's given me the knowledge and tools for my life, but standing back to see how I use what He has given me.

I believe that things do happen for a reason. Experiences help to shape our lives. For instance, a friend of mine died last week. As a result, I'm more conscious of the fact that life really isn't that long. I decided to cherish the time I have with my loved ones and make healthier decisions in my life. Other experiences may be what leads to something better in your life. I'm sure you've heard the expression "When a door closes, another opens." The night I met my husband, I actually had a date with another guy. I was stood up. I ended up going out with my husband instead. I fully believe that God had a role in that. Experiences in our lives also make us stronger. Going through rough periods shows us strengths we didn't realize we had.

I need help. This Friday, our teacher is going to give us a Document Based Question essay (DBQ) and I have NO CLUE how to do it! I don't know how to form the thesis, what to include in the paper, how to lead into things, or anything. Please explain in DETAIL what to do because this is worth a big grade! Please also give me do's and dont's for the essay. Thank you so much!

~Again, please explain thoroughly and easily what to do to get a great grade.

With DBQs you generally form the thesis from the question(s) asked. Your thesis is the statement your essay will make. It's generally one sentence. In your thesis paragraph, you introduce your subject, state your thesis and mention how you intend to back it up. By mentioning how you intend to back up your thesis, it helps to lead into the following paragraphs.

With each following paragraph, you more fully explain each point of how you back it up. You need to include supporting information from the documents provided as well as other details you know from other areas such as your textbook and class discussions. While it's okay to quote parts of the document, it's usually frowned upon when you copy the entire document into your essay. Your last paragraph restates the thesis statement and pulls together the essay.

I'm including a few links to websites with information on answering DBQs. They also have some sample DBQs so you can get an idea of what you expect and practice if you wish.
http://www.edteck.com/dbq/testing/dbq.htm
http://oswego.org/staff/tcaswell/wg/dbq.htm
http://www.emsc.nysed.gov/ciai/dbq/iifour.html

Okay well I know you guys aren't doctors but we can't get ahold of ours right now so I thought I'd ask.

My friend was at baseball practice this morning and got hit with a ball coming out of a pitching machine at 70 mph right in the forehead. He had to go to the hospital and eveything.

Well, he's over at my house now because no one is home at his house and he can't fall asleep for more than 1 1/2 hours at a time. They told him to keep his head elevated from his body to try to reduce the swelling.

He started complaining that when he uses a pillow it get very uncomfortable. We tried differnet pillows and he still doesn't want one. Do you think it would be okay if we just let him lay without a pillow or anything to keep his head up?

If the doctor recommended he keep his head up, I would listen to what they said. Has he tried sitting in a recliner or other chair? It would help to keep his head elevated without having to deal with a pillow. Also, instead of placing the pillow behind his head, has he tried putting it under his neck or shoulders? It might be more comfortable while still keeping his head elevated.

i am certainly not a fat girl, but i am not the skinniest either. i am pretty happy with the way i look, but i want to drop a few pounds/make my stomach flatter. i already know exercises for that & i do them every night, so that's not my problem. the real problem is that i am addicted to chocolate. i want to be able to eat some chocolate maybe once a week for dessert, but i wind up having it everyday, sometimes more then once a day. it's not like i am a horse eating until i pop, but i tell myself i am not going to eat it but then an hour later my mouth starts to water & i can't resist some. i need a way to stop this temptation. how can i take control & not give in to having chocolate? what works for you or other people you know? i need some good tips, so if you have an idea that would be great! thank you!

Have you tried finding some low-fat chocolate dessert recipes? That would help to ease the craving while reducing calories. I'm giving you a couple links to recipes.
http://www.sunset.com/sunset/Premium/Food/2000/02-Feb/LFChocCakes0200/LFChocCakes0200.html
http://www.commonplacebook.com/recipes/desserts/lwfatcookies.shtm
http://www.low-fat-recipes.com/desserts/chocolate-walnut-cake.htm

Another option is simply switching to lower fat versions of chocolate. For instance, low-fat chocolate pudding. If you feel you must give in to the craving, try the miniature candy bars. They're usually enough to deal with the craving and aren't as high-fat as a normal size chocolate bar.

Sometimes, just doing something else for a little while when the craving hits will help. Most cravings don't last that long. By doing something else, perhaps exercising or going for a walk, you can avoid the temptation until the craving passes.

I have one last suggestion. I'm normally not a chocolate fan, but since I've been pregnant, I crave it daily. My doctor recommended I try Viactiv chocolates. They're small chocolates that also provide your body with needed calcium. You can find them on the vitamin aisle at the drugstore.

OK here how it is i was offered a modeling contract w/ Aeropostal for 300,000 thosand a year, but here is the deal

i have to loose 80lbs by the end of may, they think of have a very pretty face perfect height right figure, yada yada you know?!

thing is i dont know how to do it, and i need to get started on this ASAP and i really really need this, i mean comeon 300,000 DOLLARS!!!! please help me now i am 220 now its only 80 lbs it will not only boost my self confidance jump start my career but also make my health much much better, wellall the weight taken off. plz help me. i seen them do it on the biggest loser, how did they do it?!

just please anyway possible i dont think i could go anerxic or bulimic tho

Congratulations on your contract.

For this amount of weight loss in only a few months, I would definitely urge you to seek your family physician's advice. Losing weight too fast can be detrimental to your health. It's important to go about it in a safe, healthy way. Your doctor can recommend the best way to lose the weight without sacrificing your health. I would also suggest seeking the advice of a nutritionist. They can design a meal plan that works for you with your weight loss goals in mind. I would considering seeking the advice of a personal trainer as well. Most gyms have a personal trainer on staff. They will be able to work out an exercise regimen for you to help speed your weight loss.

For now, I suggest drinking lots of water. Avoid high-fat and fried foods. Drink milk. Studies have shown that milk drinkers actually lose weight faster and keep it off longer. Eat plenty of vegetables. Pay close attention to how your meals are prepared. Many healthy meals lose their good qualities when they're prepared in high fat ways. Boiling, steaming, roasting and baking are the way to go. Consider supplementing your diet with a good quality multi-vitamin. When dieting, you don't always get the essential vitamins and minerals your body needs.

Good luck.

I read that you are married and still just 23. Well I just wanted to ask you how you're doing with that and stuff. If you could go back would you have waited to get married at a young age? My sister is 19 and was just proposed to by her boyfriend of 4 years and she's trying to figure out if she would be able to handle a marriage right now.

It really depends on the individual person and relationship. Even though I loved my husband and was thrilled by the proposal, I put in some serious thought before I agreed to marry him. Because I wanted a life-long commitment, I needed to make sure I was making the right choice. My husband agreed to give me time and I took a few days alone to think it through, exploring every angle. I decided I was ready for a life-long commitment and ready to give myself completely to the relationship. I had had time to experience some of life so I was ready to settle down. For me, it was the right choice.

I'm not saying it's always been easy. We have the usual ups and downs that come with any relationship. However, our love and commitment to each other have allowed us to get through the rough times. Working through the rough times together has actually helped to cement our relationship and I feel that we have a much stronger relationship because of it. I have no regrets of marrying when I did. I consider it one of the best things I've ever done in my life.

I would suggest your sister take a few days to herself to see if marriage is the right move for her. Is she ready to deal with the commitment? Have she and her boyfriend worked through any issues they have? If there are things that she's unsure of, they need to be worked out now, before she makes the commitment. Do they communicate openly with each other? I think open communication is necessary for any relationship, especially marriage.

If they run into problems, are they willing to work together to get through them? I'm on a relationship forum and one of the problems that I see a lot is couples running into problems and only one partner making an effort to resolve it. It's important for the couple to work together.

Do they have similar marriage goals? Have they discussed children? This can sometimes be a serious issue. For me, I knew I wanted children and could not be with someone who did not want children. Luckily, my husband felt the same way. We're expecting our first child now. Do they have similar financial values? If their values towards money are widely different (one spends money at an alarming rate while the other puts back every extra penny), it could lead to problems down the road.

Both need to be sure before they take the step into marriage. While it's normal to be nervous (I almost passed out on my wedding day from nerves), if there are any serious doubts, they should hold off until they are resolved.

I hope that I've managed to help with your situation. If you have any more questions, feel free to send them to my inbox here or to the email on my column.

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