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sexualy abused
please help me i was sexualy abused when i was younger by my grandad and i hate him for it but i cant stay mad at him i still talk to him and everthing and then all the memories all come back to me i know i am not to blame but i just want to know why he done this to me but i am scared to ask him because he will not admit it and i want to be mad at him but i am the kind of person who forgives people no matter what they have done what can i do please help me.
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im in the same vote as you. but it was my dad that abused me when i was 2 years old. yeah the do lie about it when you ask them because they dont want you knowing the thruth. i can really say on what to do because im only 16 and i'm still really scared of my dad, but i am slowly working up the courage to confront him about it.
so yeah if this is really any help to you, but i sugest talk to him about it because it might help and he might tell you the truth but most of the time they dont!!!! or just talk to a counsellior if you havnt allready because thats what i have done and i felt alot better after i talked about it!!!!
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You have every right to your feelings. My grandfather attempted to molest me when I was 5 years old. After his first attempt, I always made a point to avoid being alone with him. I was so young at the time, it was truly a miracle that I did this as a survival instinct. I loved him very much, as he was funny and told great stories, showed me attention and seemed to love me. YOU are the victim and HE is a sexual criminal. What he did to you has NOTHING to do with you personally. He is a sick adult and you were a young victim that was in his control. You should never feel guilty over what happened. By continuing to talk to him, it puts the "BAD" thoughts, in the past, and makes everything seem normal between you. You have two choices. One choice is VERY hard, because it is confrontational and the other is easier, because it is less confrontational. Tell him, "Grandpa, I love you, but I am angry at you that you would hurt me so badly. This will affect me for the rest of my life. I do not want to speak to you again or I do not want to continue our relationship. I am telling what you did to me, so that you cannot hurt anyone else." The other choice is to completely avoid him, barely speak to him and NEVER be in the room alone with him again!
You see, child molesters think they can get away with it, because they think you will forget. The problem is, not only do you remember, but you are bothered by this for the rest of your life AND they will continue to do this to someone else. If you don't do it for yourself, do it for future victims! You must tell someone in your family that you trust about what he did, because it is a criminal offense and it is morally, pure evil. He is a sick man that has harmed, no telling how many other little girls, including cousins or neighbors. DO NOT let him get away with this! Seek the help from someone you are close to who can listen and offer counseling. Be brave. I have been through this......I forgave my 94 year old grandfather.... at his funeral. For many years before that, I deprived him of my wonderful company and NEVER let him into my life again.
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If you do want to take legal action just know that there is a statute of limitations and after a certain amount of years some crimes (in most states sexual abuse is unfortunately included) are dismissed.
If you can't talk to your family talk to a friends parent to go to a therapist, but the best thing to do is to try to talk to your parents about it. If you feel like it's going to break up your family and that's something you can't do then wait a little bit and reevaluate- if you think you can tell your parents then, then go ahead.
In terms of him- it's got to be hard to see him/ speak to him. Do you see him a lot? If you do, do your best to keep your distance. Don't let yourself into a situation where you have to be alone with him. And if you feel like you can talk to your parents about this- consider a time when you feel like you can confront him (with the proper support around you) just so he can know how he's hurt you. This is something that will always haunt you, so confront him, cause it should haunt him too.
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It's fine that you forgive this person for doing what he did, but it's advisable that you do not try to socialize with him. As you've already seen, it does not make you feel good. After being abused, you shouldn't do anything that will make you feel worse. Forgiving someone is completely differnt than being a friend with someone. You need to do what you can to stay away from this person for your own sanity.
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You do not have to talk to him again, and I personally would advise that you didn't. People that do that have severe problems. Please talk to someone about this. I know that this having happened to you has made you loose a lot of trust for people and having your innosence riped away from you at such a young age. Best of luck
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i know someone who the same thing happened to her and she told her parents and took him to court. it sounds like you havent told your parents about it so i really think you should. they might not believe you since it was when you were younger and if it does go to court then it might be hard to have evidence if he wont admit it because it was so long ago anything that would have got inside of you isnt visable anymore. what he did is wrong and nasty and you cant just forgive someone as perverted as that. even if he is family.
eEX-0Oo KALAYY '
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I want to start out by saying, I'm really sorry this has happened to you, no one should ever experience this bad abuse. Some people say they can't help feeling like this, but you never know. If you have told your parents, tell them to come with you and ask him why he would do such a thing to you. If he denies it, just ask him why he thinks people like that would do such a thing. That may be the reason closest to his true answer. I hope everything works out for you. And I know it will be very very difficult, but don't let his abuse control your life.
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I'm sorry you had to go through this. In situations like these, it's common to have conflicting emotions towards the one that abused you. If you haven't already, I would suggest seeking counseling. You can talk to a counselor toll free any time of the day by calling 1-800-656-HOPE. They are better qualified than I to help you work through your emotions and find a solution that works for you. Good luck.
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Well i know asking him would be very uncomfortable.. Plus that probably wouldn`t be something to do anyways..I really don`t know why he did this to you but i`m very sorry to hear that this has happen to you.. ALl i can say realy is that he is a very sick person and there isn`t no excuse to do anything sexual to somebody who doesn`t want it.. Its not a mental disease and not a health problem.. Its basically because they are screwed up.. You should tell somebody in your family like maybe your mom or dad.. Mention to them what happen to you.. They can probably give you more options on what to do about this.. Sorry if i didn`t help you much.. ♥Dez
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