Let experience be your guide.....my experience! If you want serious advice from an adult go ahead....ASK away! With extraordinary interpersonal skills, I will respond to your questions respectfully, and give practical solutions and reasonable answers.
Gender: Female
Location: Texas
Occupation: teacher
Member Since: June 9, 2004
Answers: 86
Last Update: May 20, 2006
Visitors: 6857
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I was wondering if over time scars naturally start to fade and what are some cheap things i can buy to make a scar fade????
I have a scar on the top of my wrist and i want it to go away (link)
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Scars do fade over time. Tanning does darken scars, so putting sunblock on a scar to keep it from reddening will help it to fade over time. Rub vitamin E onto a scar to help the healing process.
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This guy that I've been friends with for a couple of years just got divorced. He told me that he wants to get married to me. He has never had children and said he wants to start a family with me. My concern is that he is 45, 17 years older then me. If we started to have children, by the time my child was 18 he would be in his 60's!! I am also concerned because he is quite old fashioned, and would want me to be a stay at home mom. I just got a promotion at work, and I don't want to have to quit it so soon. I've only been with the company for 4 months. He also has a tendancy to treat me like a child, has a bad temper, and is very tight with his money. He's also very possesive of me. I don't know what to do. He would be a good father, and I know I'd be a good mother, but I don't think I'm ready to start a family. My job is too important to me right now. And he seems really desperate to have a child, he's not getting any younger. Does anyone have any advice? (link)
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His biological clock is ticking, so he is pushing you into marriage and kids before you are even engaged?! You say that he has a tendancy to treat you like a child, has a bad temper, and is very tight with his money. Well,let me tell you sister-girlfriend.....he won't be any more patient with a child than he is with you and kids are very expensive! Those are two serious things to consider. But let's go down to the very basic foundation of a good marriage and family: love and respect. Can you be happy with someone who treats you like a child? Will you be happy giving up a job that you really enjoy? You could become very resentful of him (and children) if you give up everything for someone else's happiness. I say, wait until you find someone that you are IN lOVE with.....there are other men who would also make good fathers. He sounds like a control freak to me.......be VERY careful not to be pressured into something that you are not ready for at this time in your life.
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you get 100 terms we've learned so far in science class. i have that! then you're supposed to arrange it into some "creative way" my friend gave me some ideas like writing all the words into a valentine theme like... a heart with an arrow or a smiley face!!! can i get more ideas please (link)
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You could use clip art to post an icon by each typed term and display them like dictionary entries in abc order or group them by subcategories and then in abc order for each category. Then the entries would be illustrated. You would have to be creative with what pics to use to represent each term, as the Clip Art would be limited if you just typed in a science term and then searched for it directly. Also, you could paste them onto poster board in abc order like a periodic table of elements, using the pics instead of the abbreviations for the chemical symbols. I would avoid doing cutesy ideas like a Valentines theme. Clean, neat simple displays make the better grades than cluttery, cutesy ones.
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I have a problem with this woman that I used to be good friends with. I ended the friendship two years ago. I had to because she started to try to control me. She also ordered me around like her personal slave, took my kind nature for granted, spread mean gossip about me, broke into my email acount, and threatened to blackmail me if I ever got on her bad side. She was 46 and I was 25. She also acted really wierd and was telling people that she was my mother. She's never had children. I don't think she's mentally all there. Things got so bad that I quit the volunteer job we both worked at and put a block on my phone. She still to this day after 2 years bad mouths me at the center. I have a new paying job and it got back to me that she was trying to get my work schedule from my friend. I just want this psycho to leave me alone. How can I handle this? Someone even told me that I should bury the hatchet with her and contact her! I said no way. I also think that she wants to be my friend again. I would like to add that both my parents hate and and want me to have nothing to do with her. I'm tired of people feeling sorry for her and think I should give her a second chance. I really need someones advice! Thanks! (link)
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Stalker, control freak "friends", are not friends at all. She is obviously mentally unstable and is angry that you left the relationship, so she is trying to punish you by telling lies/spreading rumors about you. Under NO circumstances are you to contact her. This is what SHE wants, so do not give her the satisfaction. The people that she talks to about you are bound to know what type of person she is and will not hold too much stock in her 'rantings' about you. Keep your mind on your new job and let go of her. If she is trying to get your new work schedule, let others know that you do not want to see her. If she shows up at your job or calls you on the phone...do NOT give in and be nice to her. Have someone with you if possible, look her directly in the eyes and say, "I am uncomfortable being around you and do not want any other contact with you. Do not come to/call my job again, or I will report you to the people in charge here." I know it sounds hard, but I have done it myself. I had a "stalker" ex-friend that would drop by my classroom, whenever she was at the school to visit her daughter. I told her, while standing by a fellow teacher of mine, that I wanted to be left alone and for her to go on with her life. She was nervy and persistant. I repeated 'NO' over 6 times and she finally left. There are still possibilities that she can show up again at my school and when she does I'll repeat what I have said to her before, "You just don't get it do you?! I want you to go away and leave me alone." It seems cruel, and I'm sure you are the type of person who does not want to hurt someone's feelings. This woman is not normal and you need to cut her off firmly. She is a bully and will keep pushing you until she sees that you mean business. BE strong. {Read the 14th question and answer, after yours, in my column to see a similar situation that someone else was experiencing, too.}
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I'm just curious. I know this sounds weird and I might sound uneducated, but are black roses just romanticized ideas by the silly minds of Gothic fashion fans, or is it actually possible to grow black roses? (link)
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Currently there are no real black roses, they do not exist. Attempts are being made to cross-breed the darkest red roses available in an effort to create a marketable black rose, but so far they are not there yet. Some places sell fresh roses that are dried and then dyed black.
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OMG... are you serious?! my friend said you couldnt so i didnt use any protection and he did inside me! (link)
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I am completely serious and you will find that guys will say anything to keep from using a condom!
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could you get pregnant if the you had sex without
any protection whenever a girl is on her perid?! (link)
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Yes, yes and yes. Although some times may be safer than others, there is NO guarantee. ALWAYS use protection or abstain from sex altogether....it only takes one mistake to ruin your life.
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Hey im 15/f and i was wondering if there were any face products that actually worked on fighting zits and pimples. I tried almost everything! But it either makes my face dry or gives me more zits and doesn't work. I pop them when they come but they become a horrible problem.. so it there any products that i could use that work and wont dry out your face? And another thing is, i know that some foods will make you break out or do something to your face. What foods are thoughs? Thanks a bunch i rate high! (link)
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Teen years bring zits and pimples, it's a hormonal thing at your age. However, you can do some things to help control break outs.
Pores get clogged and your face produces excess oil, causing your face to break out. Cleanliness and light makeup are the key.
Here is my routine:
I use Johnson&Johnson Clean & Clear Oil Free, Daily Pore Cleanser at night. It is a fine scrub that opens pores and cleans gently. Rinse well with warm, not hot water, to remove the granules. I am careful to wash along and under my jaw line where large lumps of acne can appear. Then I use an astringent to close pores afterward. I follow with an oil free moisturizer because if you do not keep skin moisturized the face will produce more oil to combat the dry skin....this can cause pimples. I dab on a small amount of acne gel or cream to troubled spots for overnight action. In the morning, I wash my face with a gentle cleaner like Neutragena bar or liquid. Then I use a light, oil free moisturizer again, before applying my makeup. I use an oil free, noncomodogenic makeup (one that doesn't clog pores.... just read the labels). When my skin gets oily later in the day, I use beauty blotters, special thin, oil absorbing tissues for blotting excess face oil. Do not rub, blot gently. They are great for touching up without applying more makeup. Most of all, do not go to bed at night with makeup on your face or a dirty face. As soon as you know you are staying in for the night, wash your face and get it out of the way, otherwise, you'll fall asleep before you have had a chance to clean your skin. Clean skin is the best defense against acne.
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So my boyfreinds birthday is next thursday and I want to do something special for him. But then comes the problem. We're both still in school (hes going to be 17 and im 16) So i can't really doing anything that great during the day...and then that night i have a volleyball game like an hour away and i usually dont get home until about 11pm so i dont know what I can do...anyideas?
(link)
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I have celebrated many (many, many, many, many) birthdays and there is a common problem of conflicting schedules. Although the actual date of someone's birthday is significant to them, there isn't any reason you can't celebrate BEFORE that date. Do something 1 to 2 days (or more) before his birthday. He won't mind if it is early. {Going out afterward, doesn't quite feel the same.} Go to dinner, the movies, whatever it is that would make it special for HIM. Have a small cake or treat with a candle to make it seem more "birthdayish". Then on the actual birthday, wish him a Happy Birthday and say, "I had fun celebrating your birthday the other day." You could also save a small gift for him to open on his birthday. He can open it when you are not there and it will remind him of the special time you had earlier. It is the thought that counts, not the day.
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Okay, I'm not sure how many of you have heard of FCCLA (Family, Career, Community Leaders of America) But some friends and I have recently joined the club after participating in a few meetings. Well we're having trouble coming up with a fundraising event. We've already gotten school beautification down for our "help the school" event, we have an idea for charity (a easter egg hunt at the clubhouse in my neighborhood because I can get it for cheap pricing) But all we need left is a fundraiser event. We suggested car wash but out of the two teachers involved one is planning a wedding and the other is expecting grandchildren between now and like April (more than one of her children are expecting) so they said no events that can take pleace Saturday's and stuff. We also can't sell foods during school hours (the foods and nutrition one group already has that) We were going to sell roses for Valentines Day but it's too late because the administration never responded when asked. So as of right now the only challenge we have going for us is figuring out a fundraiser idea. Any ideas are greatly appreciated. We're kind of looking for something that hasn't been done before, but it's okay if it has. We live in NC, the weather right now is a little chilly, but not too bad, it can take place as far away as April or even May if need be, we're out of school in the begining of June so whatever we do can't take place that late. So please, any and all ideas are appreciated!! (link)
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To raise money for our school we did a Flashback Dance. We played music from the 50's 60's 70's. You could choose 70's & 80's or 60's & 70's or whatever. Students could dress in styles of their favorite decade. We had people dressing up in anything from poodle skirts and rolled up jeans with leather jackets to the hippie look and even some disco style stuff. We featured music from each decade to let people show off their costumes (soundtrack from Grease, Saturday Night Fever, soft punk like The Clash, etc.). It was like a dance and a costume party. We charged for tickets at the door. We sold some refreshments (people get thirsty and hungry when they are dancing!), used the gym to hold the dance at to keep the expenses down. I used my sound equipment, mikes, PA system and cd collection and was dj . I wore outrageous costumes and got out on the floor to get things started....people loved the entertainment and joined right in. We made $500 in 3 hours. This was elementary school, so imagine what your school could do!
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This might be kind of long, so bear with me please.(This is a real question..so don`t be rude)
About a year ago, my 23 year old cousin died.This guy was unbelivable. He was seriously like my second brother & he was soo funny. Anyways, I went to the funeral and saw all my family members there and you know, I started crying. Months went by & it seemed like I got over it. And I really did.
I have this picture of him(not even big at all) on my wall and I looked at it last night and just started crying. I mean, I stayed up all night crying for my cousin because I just barely realized that I'm not over my cousin's death. And the weird part is that I just started crying after I THOUGHT i was over his death. Totally weird I know. I couldn`t even go to school because I didn`t get any sleep.
I don`t really know what my question is, but I guess I`m asking how I can actually get over his death & cope with the fact that he isn`t coming back. I realize that he isn`t coming back, and I think that`s what makes me soo sad in the first place.Now I feel all depressed. Please help me. (link)
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When I say that I understand how you feel. I really do. My father died on Christmas morning 6 years ago. There had been a family argument between my dad and my older sister and he was so upset, he didn't want to celebrate Christmas as a family. I begged him to come to my home on Christmas Eve (for my sake) and promised that there would be no arguing. He and my mother came over to celebrate, we all had a great time, he went home, I called the next morning to wish him a "Merry Christmas", told him that I loved him very much, hung up the phone and he died 45 minutes later from a massive heart attack. I cried for days after my father died. Then when my mother's mental illness took over my focus (she was incapable of taking care of herself without Dad), I couldn't even grieve for my dad, because I was too busy with her problems and her needs. After a few weeks, I was able to talk about him without crying. I still missed him and was sad to be without him, but was going on with daily life. But then as suddenly as I seemed to adjust, any little thing that made me think of him would make me burst into tears. I guess what I am trying to say is that you never really "get over it", you just become less sensitive as time passes. I still get teary on Christmas and the holidays would depress me for years. In fact, this was the first Christmas that I really felt the spirit of the holiday. I did something that my dad used to do, to remember him, to honor him, to do something that would have made him proud of me. I bought Christmas gifts for a family of 8 children who were very poor and delivered them at 6:45 AM on Christmas morning, anonymously. They were left on the front porch and I never told them it was from me, but I heard them talking about it at the school where I teach. My dad used to buy things for needy children to show them that they mattered. Think of the wonderful things that you did with this cousin, even if it was just talking and hanging out. Share this with someone in his family, if you could. Smile about him. This sounds corny, but when alone, say it out loud, "I miss you and I love you. Thanks for being so good to me when you were in my life." I actually do this from time to time when I am thinking about my dad, in the car, when I am watching a sad movie, when I am trying to fall asleep some nights. You have a right to feel sad. Cry, hug your pillow, feel the sadness and then go wash your face (because the salty tears are bad for your skin!) and do something else that is for the living! Read, watch tv, call someone. The absolute best thing is to exercise believe it or not! I used to get on my exercise gear and either walk or ride my bike, sometimes having a good cry while actually working out! I rode my bike 17 miles one time when I was aching for the comfort that only a parent can give and when I was finished, I felt a sense of relief. I am so sorry about your loss and it is never easy to "get over" a death. Carry your cousin in your heart and never forget him, it is the best thing to have great memories of someone you admired. Good luck, Sweetheart.
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14/f
Okay. I know this question is getting SO annoying..but I need an answer...and haven't found one that goes to what I need to know.
Alright, so I and this guy have been going out for 3 weeks tomorrow, and on Valentines day it will have been 5 weeks (That assuming I can count. :P ) We're both new to having a boyfriend/girlfriend, so we aren't really lovey dovey or "cute" or anything like that - heck, we don't even hug that much.
I want to get him something for Valentines day, but I don't know what. I don't want to get him anything big, but I also think it would be kind of awkward for me to MAKE something for him, because thats just not the kind of relationship we have.
He's in to music, horror and comedy movies, and acting silly almost 24/7.
What would be a good gift idea, something that isn't..strange..for our relationship, but at least something to say "Hey, its Valentines day and seeings as we're boyfriend and girlfriend, I thought I should get you something, because..thats how it works and I like having you as a boyfriend." (link)
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I just gave this advice to another girl who has the same dilemma:
Guys love to eat. Make him something sweet: chocolate fudge brownies, homemade chocolate chip cookies, a heart shaped cake (it can be small). Make him a treat bag with some of his favorite junk foods: chips, popcorn, candy, and so on. Make a little card for him to go with it. Guys love to be spoiled! It will be a thoughtful gift without being tasteless. (Pardon the pun!)
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im trying to find a new way of funking up my room. ive got loads of products like make up and hair stuff that i need to find storage for. i want somewhere i can display them but im bored of the original things like shelves which i already have 3 of full of stuff.
Also i have loads of belts that are draping over my wardrobe stick leaving little room for my clothes
so can any one give me any ideas of how to make unusual storage for my make up products? but some where they can be seen.
and also some ideas for my belts. (link)
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I go to flea markets and estate sales to look for old jewelry boxs (from the 50's & 60's) and round zippered travel cases & hat boxes. I put small items like lipsticks, liners, mascara, etc. in the jewelry boxes and larger items that can stand up in the round zippered travel cases & hat boxes. The boxes and travel cases can stack on top of each other and look cool just on the floor in a stack. For your belts, roll them up and put them in a plastic storage box for sweaters (with a lid) or an empty dresser drawer. The plastic storage box can slip under the bed.
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I am a single girl in her twenties and joined a ToastMasters Club back in September. I joined the club to help with my speaking skills and self esteem, and also to meet some nice single guys. Well to my disapointment I didnt meet any nice single guys, but I did meet two really nice married ones. They are both the nicest guys, and treat me with respect. The one has 3 boys, and the other guys as far as I know doesnt have any kids. I find myself going to these meetings sometimes just to see these two men. I don't want to have an affair with either of them, or replace their wifes. I just like going because of the way they make me feel. I've had problems with men in the past. My question is am i commititting a sin by liking these guys? I would also like to add that I don't fantasize or lust about them, I just wish that I could be there friends. (link)
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As a single girl in her 20's, you are probably attracted to these men because they are intelligent and attentive. They treat you nicely, because they are gentlemen and they are mature. The problem is......they are married. You feel attracted to them because of the attention they give you. Every woman wants attention from the opposite sex to assure her of her attractiveness. Be careful to never lead them on or flirt about anything romantic or sexual. If any one of them ever approaches you about 'getting together', do NOT get involved in a one-on-one relationship. The Rotary Club is an excellent way to build confidence...what a great idea you had! Try visiting a college book store or campus eating place to meet other SINGLE intelligent guys. You don't necessarily have to go to a college to meet educated men! However, you could enroll in just one course to meet guys. It doesn't have to be an academic based class, it could be an elective like a speech class, art class, etc. Junior and/or community colleges are less expensive...especially just one class. Stay away from married men...even if it is a friendship. The temptation could be too great to resist and married men may be willing to have a fling, at your expense.
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What do i get my boyfriend of 3 and a half months for valentines day? i can't get him chocolates or a teddy bear. help me!!!!
i can't really spend anything. Would a card be enough since it's usually the guy who buys the gift? (link)
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Guys love to eat. Make him something sweet: chocolate fudge brownies, homemade chocolate chip cookies, a heart shaped cake (it can be small). Make him a treat bag with some of his favorite junk foods: chips, popcorn, candy, and so on. Make a little card for him to go with it. Guys love to be spoiled! It will be a thoughtful gift without being tasteless. (Pardon the pun!)
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My friend is coming to stay with me for two weeks from overseas in my september school holidays (i'm from queensland australia) problem is I'm in year 12, and my end of year exams start on the 27th of october, and he goes back on the 2nd of october. I'm really worrying now that having him stay with me will infringe on my marks as I won't get much done when he's here. I know this sounds selfish, but these exams are very important. So, what should I do? Does everyone think after he goes back I'll have enough time to concentrate on studying? Or should I try and reschedule the trip?
I'm probably worrying way too much!! lol. Thanks for your help all. (link)
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If he is truly your friend then you should be honest with him. Tell him that you are so glad that he is coming and that you will plan some special things to do with him......BUT.....also tell him that you have to set aside some time to study. You could study one afternoon/night and then "play" the next. You could trade off. For the times that you have to study, have something for him to do. Go to a movie rental place and rent several movies that he's been wanting to see. Have plenty of good snacks and munchies for him to eat while he's watching movies. Rent video games, if you have the equipment to play them. Guys love to hang out and veg. He'll understand if you tell him straight out, how important this is....remember, make the time you do spend with him fun. It is quality time, not quantity that counts! You are a very responsible and sensible person and I am proud of you for thinking of your future, instead of just sacrificing it for the moment.
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I went to work today and my boss asked me if I'd be interested in transferring to another department in the store. It's a new clothing line that won't be ready until March. She said I would be gauranteed at least 25 hours a week, and I would have a new supervisor.It would sort of be a promotion I guess. I said yes, and now I'm worried that some of the other girls in my department might get jealous. This one girl in the department had really wanted into this new clothing line, and she was going to ask the manager if she could transfer because she was too scared to ask our supervisor. Our supervisor can be a little mean a times (that's an understatement). Well my supervisor aproached ME,, and asked me before this other girl. I also have seniority over her. I just know she is going to be really pissed off and jealous of me. But I HAD to except this job, because I was only getting 15 hours a week in the other department. Also, I get along really well with the lady that is going to be my new boss. How should I act around her when I see her again? I don't want to make any enemies! And before this we got along really well! (link)
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You said it yourself, 'she was going to ask the manager if she could transfer but, then she is not qualified enough to do a job that requires polished skills. Life is competitive; You both wanted the job and the boss is going to choose the more qualified. She will get over it in time. If she is a decent person, she will say congratulations and wish you the best. If she gets mad, pouts or gossips about you.......good riddance to the likes of her!
Don't feel guilty, just act like you always do. Say hello, smile, be yourself. If she is jealous or acts rude or cold, just go on with your work. Do not get involved in arguments or petty exchanges that could kill your job opportunities. Managers want workers to stay focused on the job, not to be acting like immature teenagers. Good luck and enjoy your success.
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I have a friend (24/f) that constantly asks me for advice. At first, I was flattered that she trusted my judgement. However, now it has got to the point that she calls me for every little thing going on in her life. She seems incapable of making any decision on her own, even if it's a small decision. One day, she actually called from the store to ask what toothpaste to buy. When she calls, she expects me to drop everything and help her figure out a solution for her problem.
She also seems to trust only my advice. At one point, she called me with a medical concern. While I have worked in health care, I am not a doctor. I told her I didn't feel like I was qualified to answer her question and that she should see her doctor. She refused to see the doctor and said that only I could figure it out.
I hate to be rude to her since she's always been there for me. She was one of the few people that stood beside me when I fled an abusive relationship. Almost everyone else in my life thought I was crazy for leaving what they saw as a great guy. She offered me money and a place to stay until I got on my feet and could make it on my own again.
I've tried telling her that I'm busy and not always able to take her calls, but it seems to have no effect. I'm also worried that her inability to make a decision on her own could have an effect on her life and health. As much as I want to be there for her when she needs me, I can't sit by the phone all day and I'm not always qualified to help her. Any suggestions? (link)
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I just left a "friendship" like this recently myself. I understand that you are grateful for her support through a difficult time in your life. However, that does not entitle her to constantly seek your attention/advice. People like your friend are draining and too needy. They are using the friendship to blackmail you into meeting their endless and selfish needs. If she pulls a guilt trip on you that she was "there for you" tell her, 'Yes, you were there for me and I will always be grateful to you. You have helped me to heal and grow. Now, I want you to heal and grow and I feel that you can't do this when you are sooooo dependent on me for every little thing." After stating this......DO NOT take her phone calls. Avoid her....cut her off. She is trying to manipulate you and worm her way into every moment of your life. It makes her happy, but makes you miserable and frustrated. I know how hard this can be, but recently, (on January 3rd), I had to tell someone, "You need more from this friendship than I can give to you and you make me feel uncomfortable when you keep calling and calling. Please respect MY feelings and stop calling so much." Do you know what happened? This other person had the nerve to tell me that if I were a Christian, as I professed, that I would give her a 2nd chance, because she needed the friendship. I replied, "I am a Christian, I forgive you for anything in the past, and I do not want to be a part of your future. I do not need this friendship. Please respect MY feelings." I found out that other people had the same problem with this person and she hounded them until THEY could not take it either. It was hard, but she went away and I DO NOT miss her. You need to take care of yourself and let this mental leech go.......you do not "owe" her anything. Manipulative people are self centered and there is no place for them in your life. It will be hard, but it will make you feel at ease and you won't dread answering the phone!
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please help me i was sexualy abused when i was younger by my grandad and i hate him for it but i cant stay mad at him i still talk to him and everthing and then all the memories all come back to me i know i am not to blame but i just want to know why he done this to me but i am scared to ask him because he will not admit it and i want to be mad at him but i am the kind of person who forgives people no matter what they have done what can i do please help me. (link)
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You have every right to your feelings. My grandfather attempted to molest me when I was 5 years old. After his first attempt, I always made a point to avoid being alone with him. I was so young at the time, it was truly a miracle that I did this as a survival instinct. I loved him very much, as he was funny and told great stories, showed me attention and seemed to love me. YOU are the victim and HE is a sexual criminal. What he did to you has NOTHING to do with you personally. He is a sick adult and you were a young victim that was in his control. You should never feel guilty over what happened. By continuing to talk to him, it puts the "BAD" thoughts, in the past, and makes everything seem normal between you. You have two choices. One choice is VERY hard, because it is confrontational and the other is easier, because it is less confrontational. Tell him, "Grandpa, I love you, but I am angry at you that you would hurt me so badly. This will affect me for the rest of my life. I do not want to speak to you again or I do not want to continue our relationship. I am telling what you did to me, so that you cannot hurt anyone else." The other choice is to completely avoid him, barely speak to him and NEVER be in the room alone with him again!
You see, child molesters think they can get away with it, because they think you will forget. The problem is, not only do you remember, but you are bothered by this for the rest of your life AND they will continue to do this to someone else. If you don't do it for yourself, do it for future victims! You must tell someone in your family that you trust about what he did, because it is a criminal offense and it is morally, pure evil. He is a sick man that has harmed, no telling how many other little girls, including cousins or neighbors. DO NOT let him get away with this! Seek the help from someone you are close to who can listen and offer counseling. Be brave. I have been through this......I forgave my 94 year old grandfather.... at his funeral. For many years before that, I deprived him of my wonderful company and NEVER let him into my life again.
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My dad made me cry my eyes out today. This is what happened.
Well last August I was asked by my cousin to be a bridesmaid for her wedding in April of this year. I said yes, and at the time was unemployed. Well I have a job now at a really good company. But I'm still on a 3 month probation. My grandma (who is paying for the wedding) was expecting me to take 3 days off on a weekend this Febuary just for a dress fitting!! She lives 6 hours away, and I would have had to take the greyhound bus. I told my dad this and he started screaming at me, saying that I was going to lose my job over this. I have a mental illness, and this is the first job I've had in 5 years. He said I would never get another job again and that he wanted me to drop out of the wedding, and that the job was too important. Well I started to cry because I really want to be a bridesmaid but also don't want to lose my job. I asked him if he could phone grandma and make some sort of comprimise, like maybe get the dress fitted her. Then he said "the fact that you're crying shows how delicate you are". He was really mean about the whole thing.
I still want to be in the wedding. I talked to my grandma and she is going to send up the fabric for me to get a local seamstress to make the dress so I won't have to take time off work until the wedding. But I'm still really upset at my dad. How should I act around him? And does anyone else think what he said was out of line? (link)
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I understand that you have hurt feelings over HOW your dad reacted. In all fairness to you both, I want to tell you that a parent has a tough job. They want to love and protect you...BUT...they need for you to gain the skills that you need to be successful in life. It is called "tough love" for a reason. It feels like your parent(s) are being tough on you.
He wants for you to be able to distinguish in life the importance of holding down a job and being reliable and dependable by your employer. If you cannot do this, then they will find someone else to do the job. The world is a competitive place, looking for the best. Your grandmother made a wise decision in sending you the material to have a local seamstress make the dress for you to keep you from missing work.
Your father was tough on you, because if you do not become independent, mental illness/condition or not, then he or the government will end up supporting you one day and that is simply not right. Be mature and accept responsibility. Tell your dad, "Thanks" for taking time to steer you in the right direction and ask him to continue to support you. He may respond with surprise, but he will definitely respect you and view you as a young adult. Make your gender proud of you and be a strong, young woman. Good luck to you!
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