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big age difference, is it worth it?
This guy that I've been friends with for a couple of years just got divorced. He told me that he wants to get married to me. He has never had children and said he wants to start a family with me. My concern is that he is 45, 17 years older then me. If we started to have children, by the time my child was 18 he would be in his 60's!! I am also concerned because he is quite old fashioned, and would want me to be a stay at home mom. I just got a promotion at work, and I don't want to have to quit it so soon. I've only been with the company for 4 months. He also has a tendancy to treat me like a child, has a bad temper, and is very tight with his money. He's also very possesive of me. I don't know what to do. He would be a good father, and I know I'd be a good mother, but I don't think I'm ready to start a family. My job is too important to me right now. And he seems really desperate to have a child, he's not getting any younger. Does anyone have any advice?
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You answered your own question. You would have to be really very desparate to settle for this foolishness.
(female/24)
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Honestly, I think the age difference is the last thing you should be worrying about. Take a close look at how you describe him. You use words like bad temper, desperate, controlling, treats you like a child, tight with his money.
You seem like an open and caring person. Of course this is just an opinion but find someone as caring as yourself that when you describe them you use words like, Loving, caring, supportive, and generous.
Good luck!
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Easy one. Forget him. Possesive men never get better, they only get worse. Let me break down for you the cons of this relationship:
1) He has JUST got a divorce. This is the worst possible time for anyone to even contemplate a second marriage. It's not just the question of rebound-it's also that he probably felt out of control in his first marriage(in fact, his domineering nature was probably a considerable factor in his divorce)and is looking for a new woman so that he can feel that he is back in the driver's seat. Not cool.
2) As you say yourself, the age gap. I hate to generalise, and please bear in mind that what I am about to say has countless exceptions, but people(especially men) who want to be with much younger women are generally undesirable candidates for boyfriends. It shows maturity, you see, to be able to date your own age. Anything else can suggest a worrying degree of insecurity, as I believe is true in your friend's case.
3) "He would be a good father". I beg to differ. Noone displaying the character traits that you have outlined makes a good parent,in fact you should be thankful that he has no children. Here, the age gap is irrelevant-if he was a sweet, gentle and warm man, then him being in his sixties when the child was eighteen would be irrelevant. Had he lived, my father would have been sixty-three when I was eighteen.No better parent than him.
4) Your career. You are only twenty-eight, and you have just got a promotion at work. You fully deserve a man who would not only support but celebrate your career move, and not pressure you about children. You have a good few years in you yet. I know women, my own mother amongst them, who didn't have children until their forties. You need to get settled in your career before you think about a family. Certainly you shouldn't just grab the first man who asks. Let your friend find someone who wants to stay at home, with no job and no prospects, and mind children. You need to move on.
Good Luck.
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His biological clock is ticking, so he is pushing you into marriage and kids before you are even engaged?! You say that he has a tendancy to treat you like a child, has a bad temper, and is very tight with his money. Well,let me tell you sister-girlfriend.....he won't be any more patient with a child than he is with you and kids are very expensive! Those are two serious things to consider. But let's go down to the very basic foundation of a good marriage and family: love and respect. Can you be happy with someone who treats you like a child? Will you be happy giving up a job that you really enjoy? You could become very resentful of him (and children) if you give up everything for someone else's happiness. I say, wait until you find someone that you are IN lOVE with.....there are other men who would also make good fathers. He sounds like a control freak to me.......be VERY careful not to be pressured into something that you are not ready for at this time in your life.
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It doesn't sound like you want to marry him. That being the case I advise against it.
You didn't mention love even once.
He is just looking for a baby. Guess if he were that anxious he should have stayed married.
Enjoy your job and tell this guy you aren't ready for a commitment at this time in your life. :)
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If you're having these thoughts hun, obviously he's not the one. He's just a friend, tell him that. You can't "settle" into something that you can't picture happening. Don't pressure yourself either, wait for when it feels right.
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