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is this wrong?
I am a single girl in her twenties and joined a ToastMasters Club back in September. I joined the club to help with my speaking skills and self esteem, and also to meet some nice single guys. Well to my disapointment I didnt meet any nice single guys, but I did meet two really nice married ones. They are both the nicest guys, and treat me with respect. The one has 3 boys, and the other guys as far as I know doesnt have any kids. I find myself going to these meetings sometimes just to see these two men. I don't want to have an affair with either of them, or replace their wifes. I just like going because of the way they make me feel. I've had problems with men in the past. My question is am i commititting a sin by liking these guys? I would also like to add that I don't fantasize or lust about them, I just wish that I could be there friends.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
As a single girl in her 20's, you are probably attracted to these men because they are intelligent and attentive. They treat you nicely, because they are gentlemen and they are mature. The problem is......they are married. You feel attracted to them because of the attention they give you. Every woman wants attention from the opposite sex to assure her of her attractiveness. Be careful to never lead them on or flirt about anything romantic or sexual. If any one of them ever approaches you about 'getting together', do NOT get involved in a one-on-one relationship. The Rotary Club is an excellent way to build confidence...what a great idea you had! Try visiting a college book store or campus eating place to meet other SINGLE intelligent guys. You don't necessarily have to go to a college to meet educated men! However, you could enroll in just one course to meet guys. It doesn't have to be an academic based class, it could be an elective like a speech class, art class, etc. Junior and/or community colleges are less expensive...especially just one class. Stay away from married men...even if it is a friendship. The temptation could be too great to resist and married men may be willing to have a fling, at your expense.
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You dont have to wish that they would be your friends. By the sounds of things they already are. Like you, many people have had a bad past with men. It's okay to want to have a healthy relationship with someone for once. You dont have to feel like your persuing these married men, adoring their qualities and abilities to respect women is just fine. There is life outside your toastmasters club you know. Maybe men dont ring at your doorbell and say hey I'm a great guy but there are a lot of men out there, like these ones who are taken, that are more than willing to treat a woman right in return for same affection. good luck and keep up the search
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Liking theme or thinking about them isn't wrong, but you do need to be careful.
If you want to be their friend, I'd suggest not hanging out then them alone, just to take care of any accusations that come would come your way.
Just never forget they're married and you're fine. :)
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There's no sin in liking somebody or wanting to be their friend. I am worried however that you are setting yourself up to get hurt because although you rationalise that you don't want to be anything more than friends with these guys, knowing that they are married, deep down you still have some conflicting romantic feelings because they are nice guys you enjoy spending time with, that respect you and make you feel good. Anybody who has had an unwanted or inconvenient crush (people who are already in committed relationships, people at work, good friends, etc.) will tell you that these aren't feelings you can just magic away. The problem is, if you continue to spend large amounts of time with these men, even in a stricly platonic fashion, your feelings may well grow and you could easily end up hurt, as both men are married, as you realise already. You've said that you don't fantasise or lust about them, which is good, but if you ever find yourself wanting more than the relationship you currently have with them, it's better to take a step back and cool the friendship for a bit until you are sure you can be friends without any other feelings getting in the way and causing you hurt. I'm not saying that you cannot be friends with them - it's perfectly acceptable for a married man to have single female friends! I'm only saying that if one party has any hint of romantic feelings, even if they have no intention of acting on them, there are complications and it is often easier to have a little space from the friendship so that any feelings don't develop into a full blown crush or infatuation.
All the best.
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