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a family death..
This might be kind of long, so bear with me please.(This is a real question..so don`t be rude)
About a year ago, my 23 year old cousin died.This guy was unbelivable. He was seriously like my second brother & he was soo funny. Anyways, I went to the funeral and saw all my family members there and you know, I started crying. Months went by & it seemed like I got over it. And I really did.
I have this picture of him(not even big at all) on my wall and I looked at it last night and just started crying. I mean, I stayed up all night crying for my cousin because I just barely realized that I'm not over my cousin's death. And the weird part is that I just started crying after I THOUGHT i was over his death. Totally weird I know. I couldn`t even go to school because I didn`t get any sleep.
I don`t really know what my question is, but I guess I`m asking how I can actually get over his death & cope with the fact that he isn`t coming back. I realize that he isn`t coming back, and I think that`s what makes me soo sad in the first place.Now I feel all depressed. Please help me.
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I'm sorry that you had that death in your family. I understand where you're coming from. I also had to deal with the loss of my best friend. We were so close, and when she died I felt like I lost a part of myself. It's been 2 years since she died and I reacently realized that mourning and crying all the time will not help me get past this. If she was still here she wouldn't me sad and depressed and I'm sure your cousin wouldn't want you to be dragged on by his death. You just have to live and learn to get past it like I did. We all have to live through unfortunate events in our lives and some of us are lucky enough to be still be able to live normally even though we suffered through all those misfortunes.
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its always hard when you loose someone that close to you and your not going to get over it quickly it takes time sometimes you just have to let out a cry but you also have to realize that he is in a better place and you'll see him again so in the mean time just think about how much fun you used to have and what you used to talk about that will make you feel a lot better it really will help if you talk to your family about it too but you have to just remember that he'll always be with you no matter where you go
good luck
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I can tell that he was very close to you, and i know from first hand how hard it is to get over someone important to you like so many others in this world. Its a matter of knowing how strong you are. I lost my friend Mark 2 months after i had heard he started drugs. i almost cried each night for him as it was because his life wasn't pleasent at all. But when i heard of his death i felt responsiable for some reason even tho it wasn't at all my fualt. It took me forever to go to school again, and when i did i couldn't face anyone. I know a friend isnt even hafe as close as a cusion, but the thing is i could of so helped him. ( This happend this past october ) i got over it in a matter i knew i was better then to grieve over something that won't help my future out. I know that sounds like i just want to forget him and eveything about him, but i really don't. i made a memory book of him and talked to all my friends about him and i think thats what helped me the most. When you talk about it, it makes it more realistic faster, and it also makes it sink in, and helps the grieving process. A good cry about it every once and a while does not mean that your not over it, it just means that you did really care, and that you do miss him. You'll never get rid of that, and that would be horriable to try and get rid of that part of him thats still with you. He sounds like he was a great person, and could've done so many great things, but you know what, so can you. live out your dreams, and along the way think of him, and how he is looking down at you, hoping you make it. He probaly cared alot for you too, and wouldn't want to see you like this.
I know it sounds like sense my friend was doing drugs, that he was a horriable person, but he was the greatest ever. I felt so horriable because afterwards i realized that i should've helped him, and you really shouldn't regret things like that. So, like i said a good long cry about him every once and awhile does NOT mean that you are NOT over him. i still cry every once and awhile about mark, mostly when i view the memory book i made of him. Thats another idea, that memory book i made really did help me. maybe if you made one it would help you alot.
Hope i helped and that this didn't sound confusing
<3333 megan
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When I say that I understand how you feel. I really do. My father died on Christmas morning 6 years ago. There had been a family argument between my dad and my older sister and he was so upset, he didn't want to celebrate Christmas as a family. I begged him to come to my home on Christmas Eve (for my sake) and promised that there would be no arguing. He and my mother came over to celebrate, we all had a great time, he went home, I called the next morning to wish him a "Merry Christmas", told him that I loved him very much, hung up the phone and he died 45 minutes later from a massive heart attack. I cried for days after my father died. Then when my mother's mental illness took over my focus (she was incapable of taking care of herself without Dad), I couldn't even grieve for my dad, because I was too busy with her problems and her needs. After a few weeks, I was able to talk about him without crying. I still missed him and was sad to be without him, but was going on with daily life. But then as suddenly as I seemed to adjust, any little thing that made me think of him would make me burst into tears. I guess what I am trying to say is that you never really "get over it", you just become less sensitive as time passes. I still get teary on Christmas and the holidays would depress me for years. In fact, this was the first Christmas that I really felt the spirit of the holiday. I did something that my dad used to do, to remember him, to honor him, to do something that would have made him proud of me. I bought Christmas gifts for a family of 8 children who were very poor and delivered them at 6:45 AM on Christmas morning, anonymously. They were left on the front porch and I never told them it was from me, but I heard them talking about it at the school where I teach. My dad used to buy things for needy children to show them that they mattered. Think of the wonderful things that you did with this cousin, even if it was just talking and hanging out. Share this with someone in his family, if you could. Smile about him. This sounds corny, but when alone, say it out loud, "I miss you and I love you. Thanks for being so good to me when you were in my life." I actually do this from time to time when I am thinking about my dad, in the car, when I am watching a sad movie, when I am trying to fall asleep some nights. You have a right to feel sad. Cry, hug your pillow, feel the sadness and then go wash your face (because the salty tears are bad for your skin!) and do something else that is for the living! Read, watch tv, call someone. The absolute best thing is to exercise believe it or not! I used to get on my exercise gear and either walk or ride my bike, sometimes having a good cry while actually working out! I rode my bike 17 miles one time when I was aching for the comfort that only a parent can give and when I was finished, I felt a sense of relief. I am so sorry about your loss and it is never easy to "get over" a death. Carry your cousin in your heart and never forget him, it is the best thing to have great memories of someone you admired. Good luck, Sweetheart.
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Oh goodness, that's so terrible. I'm so sorry this has happened to you. It sounds as though you really loved your cousin a lot.
You know, when someone dies suddenly, it can be a huge shock to the system and it can take a very long time for anyone to get over that sort of grief. My theory is that you never really get over these things but more come to terms with them. It reaches a stage where you just have to accept that they are not coming back.
In reality, a year is still not that long ago and it's perfectly reasonable that you should still be grieving for him. There's no set time scale for how long it should take before you stop grieving and you will have to accept that it will ALWAYS be painful when you remember him. That being said, I PROMISE you will come to terms with it. However hard it may sound, it just takes time.
What I would suggest is that you seek bereavement counselling. I know that nobody really likes to seek the help of therapy but it has proven to help a LOT of people deal with their losses and it sounds as though you need to speak to someone.
In the meantime, try to remember what a wonderful person he was while he was alive and invisage him being happy and peaceful wherever he may be now.
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