|
humorist-workshop
I like a virgin slut
i liked this girl i started dating who i thought was an innocent girl. in fact i didn't even try to kiss her until the third date because of how innocent i thought she was. well the thing is after i kissed her and don't ask me why we started talking about sexual experiences ( i thought she had practically none so what did i have to fear). well i found out she is what is known as a virgin slut or virgin whore, a girl who is still a virgin but has kissed around 40 guys and had blown off 4 guys just because she was horny and returning the favor after they had sucked her off.
i feel a little disgusted with the horny attitude with random guys in the past and don't know what i should think.
anyway, she is leaving the country for a year so we broke up but still talk as friends. we only kissed so i didn't even get blown off myself but she is going to do some religion studies outside the country, meaning no more sex life for at least that year (no kissing, no nothing). the thing is she went to Aruba as her last opportunity to party and i hate the feeling i get when i think about the certainty of she kissing at least a couple of guys a night (which really doesn't bother me that much)and the possibility of she sucking a guy off just because she is horny (that one does bother me).
i know this inst exactly a question but i need counsel from someone.
thanks in advance.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Alright well first off, the words slut and whore are terribly misogynistic term. Now what I will say from here on you might not like but, here goes.
First off her "romantic/sexual" experiences are hers and hers alone. Such as yours. Kissing is not sex. Kissing many people whether it be flirty, romantic, platonic and or sexual all it really is, is just kissing. If she has kissed over 40 people then that is her business and she has her reasons for doing so, as "wrong" or "gross" as they may seem. The same goes for her giving head to those 4 men.
The past is the past, there is nothing you can do about it. She had those experiences and that is that. Such as you have had yours. This is not to say that you shouldn't feel jealous or grossed out, everyone is different. And to some giving head to 4 men and kissing 40 people might be no big deal and to others it might be disgusting and wrong.
I think the real key point to your conflicting emotions and thoughts is the fact that you thought she was this innocent, naive, prude, inexperienced virgin. And when you uncovered how strong her sexdrive is and she revealed her experiences it might have distorted your perceptions of her. I wouldn't be surprised if your ego was slightly hurt as well, many guys (not all,) but quite a few; especially young ones have this "thing" about virgins. They tend to fetishize virgins because they want to be the first to taste that which has been untouched. The same goes for women! People in general at one point or another I think experience this lust.
Anyways, If she has left the country or is going to leave, for religious studies a year..I would honestly suggest not waiting for her. The fact you are complaining about not getting head from her before she left, is a bit silly. She must have not been in the "mood."
You say you like her but you see her and speak of her with terrible slurs. If you are as disgusted with her as you claim to be and it bothers you a lot to think of her with other guys, just move on.
Plenty of fish in the sea as they say. Even if she isn't kissing or giving head to other guys, the fact is you will be racking your brain, driving yourself insane thinking about her doing so. So just let go I think is the best; if you don't love her. Which I am assuming you don't because you never mentioned you did.
Think about it this way, you are broken up. You are not together, she might kiss/give head or even sleep with someone and you won't even know it. She will be miles away. Most importantly once again. YOU ARE JUST FRIENDS. This means she is free to kiss or do other things with whoever she wants and not have any consequences. The same way you can kiss/sleep with whoever, whenever and she can't say a word about it because you two are not together.
That is all I can say on the matter hope that helped
]
I think you can take advice from a psychiatrist.
]
Hi! Thanks for confiding. I can understand where you are coming from and I am actually SO glad that you brought this up! I am a Christian girl, who is very devoted in my church and currently working on student ministry. People come up with these questions all the time. How far is too far? Everyone agrees that sex is out of the question till marriage (at least in our faith)... but what about everything else? And I always say that it's not about how far you can go.. its about how you can use your sex life to honor God. In some cases, some have abstained even from kissing until engagement or marriage because they fear going too far! I'm not saying that this needs to be the case with you. But, I'm just saying that I'm familiar with this topic because of the amount of experience I have with it. And reality is, before I gave my life to Christ, I was somewhat a virgin slut. I never did anything sexual. But, I thought it was okay to kiss and be physical with just about anyone! And now I see, even a kiss, as something intimate between two people who are devoted to each other. So, I would never kiss someone on a first date. I'm sorry that you had this experience. I really try not to judge people as if I'm better than them because that's not what I've learned on my faith journey. I've learned the exact opposite. I'm no one to judge. But, I can tell you that this behavior is not honoring to anyone It is not honoring to any man in her life. Even though you are not dating her at the moment, it makes you feel like you aren't special because she could get what she wants from anyone. It is not honoring to her future spouse because by the time she gets married, if she does, she will have been sexual with more men than she has already if she continues along this route. Her mindset is in the now and only now and that could be a problem because she is not aware of consequences that could arise as a result of her actions. Unless she turns from this lifestyle, cold turkey, my advice is that you deserve another kind of girl. If she turns away from this lifestyle, which she may on her religious studies trip, and you want to give her another chance, then it could possibly be an option. But... by the way she is right now, I would say that it's just not something you deserve. I can understand that you feel bothered by the fact that she is with other guys. The thing is that when we date other people, we give pieces of our heart away and we grow attached to them. I am a bit more old fashioned (I wasn't always this way, but by a lot of mistakes, I learned that there's a better way) and I have adopted the practice of courtship. You can google it to find out more about the differences between dating and courtship. But, it's only natural that you feel a sense of jealousy or bother because that person took a piece of you with them. But, remember that this is just a feeling. While feelings are real, and they exist, they are also just that... feelings. You don't need to act upon them or let them control you. Obviously, this type of lifestyle that she lives is not one that you live or like because it makes you uncomfortable. Right there, you know that this is someone that you will not be able to spend the rest of your life with. I don't discourage talking to her as a friend, but I would't reconsider dating her unless she changes and you are up for it. I guess that you can rest easy or recover from these mental images of her with another guy since she will be out of the loop for a year. Just remember... it's okay to acknowledge your feelings. But, it doesn't mean you have to act on them. Especially, if it's something not worth your while. I hope this helped. I hope I provided some counsel at the least :)
xoxo
]
may be you should just forget her if you don`t really like her. because to get her stop is going to be a long process but if you love her so much and she love you too then it would be easy for you to make her stop
]
I honestly never heard that term before...virgin slut. Interesting... but anyway, I'm sorry that you are offended by a girl's past. Here's the thing, you can't date someone because they are innocent. Depending on how old you are, you cant expect each person you meet to be a saint. That's just reality. Also take into consideration your past and your history of what you've done. It might not compare to hers but no one's past is the same. In other words, holding her against what she did in the past before she met you should either 1) stop you from talking to her her completely or 2) analyze why her past history bothers you so much. Do you find her disgusting? or is it that she might be a lot more experienced than you?
If she leaves the country for a year to study, that doesn't mean she's not going to have a sex life. If she's single and uncommitted then she's free to do what she wants. You're experiencing jealousy and it is completely natural. But if her past is really that important to you, then your jealousy is going to grow because she will continue to see other guys and do what she's always been doing. If she is more important than her past, then you would try to give her the benefit of the doubt and try to start fresh with her. Yeah, she's had experience but I'm sure you have too. Also, she never actually had intercourse with them either so that should tell you something.
I think you should tell her that you are feeling a little insecure about the things she's done. Hey, kissing a lot of guys would mean that a lot of guys think shes attractive, right? But look, tell her you want commitment and trust. If she gives it to you 100% then you have nothing to fear!
]
Hello,
I am not sure how old you are, but I would not worry about it too much. The reason I say that is because you might never see this person again. It doesn't sound like you had a serious relationship where you two talk all the time and you can't get enough of each other. Long distance relationships are tough. I would only encourage that it if it was very serious where you could potentially be falling in love.
Also, it could be "puppy love". Just learn from this experience and know how to treat the next gal that comes your way. She was definitely curious about you since you two kissed. Just be careful with the girls you date because they could just be telling stories. I personally don't trust anyone until they have shown themselves and me respect. Take care of yourself and always use protection even if they tell you they are on the the pill.
-ULB
]
Well, you say that you guys have broken up, so why does this still bother you? She is going away for a year and im certain that in that time you are going to forget these feelings. The truth is that you are just disappointed in yourself for not realizing sooner the kind of person that she truly is, and I'm sure you would not want to make her your girlfriend. So let it go, everybody makes mistakes and you just kissed, you'll eventually find somebody that you are in sync with, and I don't think that this is the girl for you. Maybe it's best you don't speak to her as much as you do now? That might ease the situation, just remember that you have done nothing wrong and you should feel proudly about it.
All the best dear!
]
What do you exactly want to know? You have already broken up with her."she is leaving the country for a year so we broke up but still talk as friends."
And you two just talk as friends. So currently you dont have any relevance to what she is doing..and no right or control over her sex life.You should stop thinking about her as you really donot like her way of living.. And there's nothing actually you can do to change her..
]
You need to think about why you are feeling this way. If you are just friends now then why is the thought of her being with other people bothering you?
Could it be that you are annoyed that you didn't get blown off but other men did? Is that her issue or yours?
Why would you fear talking to a woman about her previous sexual experiences?
You are coming across as quite judgemental of this woman and her behaviour. It also sounds like you have a lot of jealousy still but this is most likely because you have broken up recently and still have feelings for her.
Do your best to move on from this relationship. It's not a good idea for you to be with her if you are going to judge her this much. Find someone else and stop worrying about what she is up to in Aruba, as it doesn't (and shouldn't) affect you.
]
Lift the worries off your shoulders and don't pursue her. You obviously don't trust her and i don't blame you because honestly, she does not sound trustworthy. Then again her "slutty" actions were in the past..... but when you think about it- if she is going to "do religion studies" outside of the country but her basic premise for the trip is to party- i really wouldn't spend my time worrying about her because there is a high chance that she might do things with guys.
Plus, she doesn't seem like a stable person and she is not even your girlfriend so that adds to the fact that she might do things with other guys.
You seem like a nice dude but i really don't understand why you don't care if she kisses other guys but you do care if she "sucks guys off". Are you really emotionally attracted to her or sexually attracted to her? And is waiting and worrying worth the risk that she might not be in a relationship with you?
If i were you-i wouldn't waste my time wondering if she is at some party "sucking off" a random guy.
My advice would be to go after girls that are a bit more stable. If you do end up as her boyfriend some day, be careful she doesn't do anything with other guys.
Whatever you decide, i truly wish you good luck and i am sorry if this wasn't helpful, just giving you my opinion. I always believe that there are other people in the world who you might be better off with...
-talldivaofbeverlyhillz ^-^
]
Hi there,
I could understand your frustration, and my answer here would go on so many levels.
First off there's a difference between having sexual experiences for fun, and having a sexual experiences when you're in love with someone. (that goes for both men and women) While there's also no shame in having sexual experiences without being in love, you need to ask yourself if you're ok with that or not. Each one of us have their certain limitations of what they can/can't accept, as long as you're being honest with yourself. So here are a couple of questions you need to ask yourself to make sure you're ok with this:
Was there a relationship or an emotional connection between her and these guys?
If not, was it in her past? or if she's involved with someone she won't do stuff with other guys?
Am I OK with her past?
If I were in here shoes, how would I feel if someone broke up with me based on this? (people usually have their reasons)
In the meantime if you don't think you can do that, or if you think that's what she's like and you are not ok with who she is, then don't go against your nature.
good luck
]
It seems as if it is important to you to find a girl who hasn't had any sexual experiences yet(I gather this is why you chose the girl you thought was innocent). If this is true you had might as well forget about this girl because it is far too late for that!Even if this girl would change her ways and you two would get together she has already told you things that can never be unheard. What I mean by that is you will always carry the knowledge of her past sexual experiences in your mind and be disgusted by it. My advice to you is to find an innocent girl who has strict moral values. I don't think you would ever be happy with the kind of girl who gives oral sex to random guys because she is horny. Your own self respect is at stake here as well. My advice:forget about this girl, she is not the right one for you.Good luck!
]
She's gone. A year away means this relationship is over. She's not going to come back and want you. Her life will have moved on, and thank god for that.
You're so judgmental. Kissing. Kissing is what bothers you? That's just sad. Or maybe you're just sad she didn't blow you and somehow that makes you less than the guys she did.
You have no right to judge her and what she does with your body. How many girls have you kissed?
Slut shaming is wrong. Calling her a virgin slut is wrong. You should work on not being this person. That's the best advice I could give you.
]
Your problem is not with her, but with the disconnect between what she is and what you imagined she is. People don't parachute into your life without a history of their own. And girls do not spend their lives saving themselves so as to fulfil your personal fantasies of what they should be.
I'm sorry to tell you, but you will not find an "innocent" girl anywhere. Not these days. Your chances are zero, and getting smaller each year. This is a fact that you need to come to terms with. If you find a girl attractive, then other guys do as well. Plenty of those guys are skilled at persuading women to have sex, and sooner or later, one of those guys will hit on her at the right time, in the right circumstances.
Deal with the world as it is, not as you think it ought to be.
(PS: It's very unlikely that this girl really is a virgin.)
]
If you feel uncertain about her, talk to her about it and tell her everything that you feel. If what she says affects you in a negative way, chances are--you're better off finding another girl that could make you happy. If she keeps on going down on guys like that--she'll have a high chance of getting an STD. I'm sure you wouldn't want her to give that to you... Especially after the amount of guys that she's been with. You need to find a girl who makes better choices about her life and her body. Most importantly, find a girl who will make you truly happy. Every single person on this earth deserves to be happy.
]
Well if you broke up with her already then theres nothing to worry about now there huh? Yes you feel disgusted but that will fade in time, and so will the memory of her.
She gone now so you can start over with another girl thats not like her or the nasty things she does. Not really sure what kind of an answer you were looking for but thats what came to mind for me.
]
Well you sound like a young boy,not quite a man. I shall tell you why, after reading your "Ramblings" of I like her, but I find shes a slut, we broke up? but I didn't get any, really if she was such a slut, that's surprising,then you make a strange comment,"I thought she had practically no sexual experience "so what did I have to fear"?? ! child you sound envious of her sexual prowess, and what kind of a human are you, stating,I still didn't get any ,AH and Iam happy you didn't,Iam beginning to wonder if this even a real question/rambling of a young male...my advice to you, is rub one out daily, read up on women,or get a mentor to learn how to be a lover,oh and one last thing, you state she is going to some kind of religious retreat and she wont be having any sex? REALLY? can you be so sure? aren't men also there? where there is a penis, it is always looking for a slit...lastly you sound bitter,and a little mean, that this young woman, didn't service you, and let you use her like a receptacle...I can only hope in your walking the path on this grey and granite planet you will come to be a more complete human man, and not defile women in order to gratify yourself, they have women for that, they are called prostitutes..they will service you, but if it is your mind set to defile a young woman, and in doing so, make her with child and in the love throws detest young woman, because she shows you her love, and leave her, you are a wretched soul, think twice before you try to put your member in a girl/woman...and Iam hoping whoever she is, does not let you,and asks you sir, "What are your intentions" to use me, to marry me, or to give me 200 dollars as a prostitute would ask, for her services.
]
Hey! I know exactly how you feel. It's just like when you see a house on the outside and think, "What a beautiful house." Then you look inside, and it's a dump. Not my best metapher ever :p but you were just surprised. That probably altered how you view her a little bit, I'm guessing. It must've also been a bit of a disappointment. Don't worry about it, don't give up, and remember that others WILL come along. I promise. Or in the words of Celine Dion,"Love comes to those who believe it, and that's the way it is."
]
There is no category "known as virgin slut/whore." There are women who choose to go as far as they want to go, and if it's not penetration, it's virginity. Four blow jobs isn't slutty, if by slutty you mean indiscriminate, when you consider she had 40 opportunities to go further, and it's not whoring when money wasn't exchanged--you said her motivation was that she was horny and she wanted to exchange sexual favors. She's a virgin who happens to have had more experience than you feel is appropriate, that does not make her a slut or a whore, and it doesn't make it okay for you to label her.
It's okay that you want to be with someone who holds values more similar to your own; you're definitely not meant to be with a woman whom you feel it's ok to call a slut. If you don't respect how she chooses to live (especially since you believe she still lives that way, even if a year abroad will supposedly impose boundaries on her, she clearly seems to find those restrictive), there's no good basis for a respectful relationship, and you shouldn't stake a claim on her or her choices. There are women who share your values, and there are men who will respect her choices, let each other go.
PS: never fear what someone might tell you about her past! Since this is obviously very important to you, find out early on! If you can't deal with what she's done, then you both know where you stand and you can let her go. Maybe as you get older, this will matter less to you or this woman or one like her will become more conservative, but as you are now won't work.
]
Ok first lets just throw this out there... she is not a slut. Everyone has some sort of sexual history. And lets focus on the big word here HISTORY. It happened in the past there is nothing that can change that. Im sure you have a sexual history as well. If you care about this girl, then you focus on the present time and future, not the past. If you ever expect to have any kind of future with anyone, you cant judge them by their past. If you cant accept her for who she is because of what she has done than you need to move on. And if this is the way you are going to handle relationships then Im sorry but you might as well get use to being single hun because as I said before EVERYONE has some sort of sexual history. Now to properly help you here I would need to have more information on the situation. Age would definatelty help. Because if this girl is like 15 chances are... you are not going to be together forever. Now I myself am married to a man I began dating at 15 but if we are talking statistics.. most likely you and her wont end up spending your lives together. Not if this girl is older and can maturely handle a committed relationship my advice would be to sit down and have a talk with her. Let her know how you feel about relations while she is gone and let her be honest with you as well. Listen to how she feels and express what is going on inside your head. Hopefully that will help. If you need any more help or would like to discuss this furthur dont hesitate to write back. Or if you and your girlfriend would feel better talking with help from me let me know and we will find a way for the three of us to talk and try to work out any issues you may have. I hope everything works out well good luck.
]
It should not matter to you any more. You two have separated. It's okay to care about her, but what she does in her spare time is her business and her's alone.
Kissing is innocent. And when ever she has oral with other guys, as long as its consent it fine. It's none of your business.
Also, please stop using words like 'slut' and 'whore' that's really offensive and girls hate it when guys use the words, around us or not.
- Hardcore-Band-Geek
]
It's her life. Someone else's life shouldn't bother you that much. What does it matter what she did in her past as long as she wasn't cheating on you. At least she was honest with you.
]
You are broken up. You don't have any right to know what she is up to sexually or romantically - that is what 'broken up' means.
It's okay to have feelings for an ex or to think about what they might be doing now, but that doesn't mean anything can, or should, change.
When she comes back, IF you both want to try a relationship again, then you'll need to speak honestly about the things she choose to do while you were apart, but until then, if you are going to be her friend, you need to be her friend and be respectful. If you actually care for this women, you are going to have to stop using hateful words like 'whore' and 'slut' to describe something as innocently fun as kissing and stop obsessing over her choice to perform oral sex on people. Being horny is a totally valid reason for anyone - man or woman - to choose to engage in oral sex with a consenting partner.
]
Dude Girls will be girls like you they LOVE SEX.
Just get over it .
IT is a great illusion to think the girl you fell in love with has kept herself for you.Believe me they are even more aroused than you scientificuly proved.
So if you love her but want to get over her GO and be with ten other women.After that you would not be in the situation you are ...
IF you have more questions ask : emial: ni3koto@abv.bg
]
You have no reason to be uncomfortable over what some random girl does in her spare time. She is not your girlfriend. She kissed you one time. You are #41 on her list of guys that she has kissed. Put that into perspective.
Besides, what she is doing is actually smart. She is enjoying sexual satisfaction without any risk of pregnancy. She is smart enough to know when to say no.
If you are interested in dating her, don't judge her. If you ask her out and she agrees to date you, just make sure that she understands that you want the relationship to be exclusive.
Toodles,
Miss Piggy
]
More Questions: |