|
Funneral Requests
My husband and I were talking the other day and he said that if he died he would not want a funeral. I was shocked. Of course he should have a funeral, it's a great way for family and friends to say goodbye. I feel it is more for the family of the deceased anyway. He disagrees, and is shocked that I would not respect his wishes. Who is right here? And if he did die, what are we as a family suppose to do? I would like the love and support of my faamily.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Miscellaneous category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Etiquette?
I agree with you, funerals are for the living. However, instead of having a funeral, you could have a get together at your house or a favourite place of his, that way, you are respecting his wish to not have a funeral, but you are still getting together with friends and family and getting support that way.
My Nanna died recently, and the week after she died was spent making arrangements for the funeral, which kept our minds busy.
Could you point this out to your husband?
]
The best idea is to respect his wishes. Some people, who don't want funerals, instead want themselves to be cremated and only immediate family comes to spread the ashes. It’s not a big ceremony and yet it lets the family members say goodbye. Ask him if he wouldn't mind doing that, he may even have an idea where he would want his ashes spread. Many people choose a place of inspiration or where they have had a special memory. Good luck, I hope the topic doesn't bring about any sour feelings amongst you two.
]
You should respect his wishes as he will respect yours.
]
You should respect his wishes. It is essentially his "last request" as it were and to disrespect his wishes means that what you want outweighs what he wants. Your families may be shocked but consider what he wants. Has he told you why? Have you asked or did you just light into him and tell him his opinion was wrong (as a side note, an opinion is NEVER wrong-just different). He may have a good reason for his beliefs. I personally agree but I was raised to remember the deceased as they were, not all made up in a coffin. It's creepy.
I have had several friends and family die and respected each as they believed: some had wakes and funerals and I attended to pay respects, my paternal grandparents donated their bodies to science (to reduce expenses for family and to do one last good deed) and had no memorial-I made a personal observance and got on with mylife remembering them as they were. The point is, to each his own and disrespecting beliefs is what get us into trougle eventually on a global scale. Is there some way to come to a compromise? Maybe no funeral but a memorial servied for friends and family or an Irish wake? Maybe he deosn't want to burden youwith arrangements and expenses. Maybe he wants to be remembered pleasantly, not with mourning. Maybe it is just how he was brought up. Try to discuss this in a rational, mature way that ends in a compromise. avoid shouting, accusing, and pushing your opinsions on each other.
]
Funerals are for the living and it gives us all the chance to grieve. When I was 29 my husband passed away unexpectedly. Just a few weeks before, we had been home on vacation and it turns out when he was visiting our friends (who happened to own a flower shop) he turned to them and said "that's what I want when I die" and he was pointing out these giant sunflowers. She told me this when I came home for his funeral and she provided just the flowers that he wanted. It was a comfort to me... although in hindsight he must have been feeling something was wrong because he made a point of visiting every single one of our family members during that vacation. Please tell your husband that if something happens to him you need this comfort of friends and family and the closure of at least having a small private memorial service.
]
Funerals are for the living..he needs to remember that if he dies..HE leaves behined people that will mourn him
By the way..why does he care..he will be dea...tell him that it is about the FAMILY not him
Ps he will be dead so do what YOU want...
]
frist of all it is right to respect the last wishes of someone. But i see your point of veiw also. It helps most people to get through a time of death if they go to the funeral because its a time to say goodbye to the person who died. You also can see that the person looks peaceful and that they have moved on to a better place.In this case you both are right but the only way to solve this problem is to talk about it. You never no when someone is going to die and there is no possible way to tell for sure. Try making a compromise with husband. Like if when he dies then maybe only very close family will attend the funeral. this is the best I can tell you but I hope everything works out for the best.
]
I can relate to his idea. Funerals cost thousands of dollars. Think about it: You are spending money on a dead person. Where is the logic in that? Perhaps he realizes the money can go towards something more productive. And think about this: It's not like if you don't hold a funeral, he will not be buried. It's very simple: SOCIETY HATES A ROTTING CORPSE.
Rather than a full blown open or closed casket service, followed by the procession to the graveyard, followed by the lowering of the coffin, you can simply have all the family and friends meet together in a house. That's basically what is done after the funeral anyway. It wouldn't be insensitive or thoughtless of you for not having a funeral; it IS his wish after all.
These are your options: Hold a funeral, spend thousands of dollars, and contradict your husband's last wish, OR follow through with his idea, hold a gathering at your house for mourning and recollection, and save some money. I know which option I would choose. Do you?
]
Don't be such a selfish bitch. It's his funeral (or in this case, lack thereof), give him his dying wish. It's the last thing you'll ever be able to do for him.
]
well its not like hed even know or be able to do anything about it. yeah thats cold and i dont really mean it. you should respect his wishes, but he should respect yours as well. compramise with him find a middle ground. like a small service for just a few faminly and friends. funerals are over rated anyways at that point the body is just an empty shell and you really dont need it to be able to say goodbye to your loved one.
]
Hi Sweetie,
It's kind of a funny question. Not to be disrispectful or offensive but it's a very interesting question that happens to be a bit funny. But it's a good question that actually hasn't been asked on the site before. At least not that I know of.
Well first of let me just say neither one of you is right and neither one is wrong. An opinion CAN'T be wrong or right. Well it is right for the person who thought of it but for others it may seem wrong. I myself would rather donate my organs than have a funeral, l.o.l. I don't really think about it but... I probably would. Or I used to think that way... now that I remembered about it that I'm telling you I find it a little creepy, l.o.l. But I think its rewarding because I'd be helping others.
Anyway, now if your husband DOES die soon (hopefully he won't for a loooong time, thought) you can still have a ceremony or... a reunion and celebrate his life as if it were a funeral.
My best wishes! ~Blessed Be...
]
You should respect what your husband is asking. Alot of people dont want a funeral and i think im one of them also.
]
you don't nesicarily(i think i spelled it wrong)need a funeral for everyone to go and morn nis passing...my uncle when he died had a funeral service at the funeral home that was only like 15 minutes long... and after that we took him to the graveyard and burried him...i think he is just worried about money... and a funeral servive is plenty good enough because it allows family amd friends to gather and morn together
kev
]
doing what he wants sounds like the better idea if you want to respect him. i dont want a funeral, maybe its more common then you think
]
Well thats tuff... Have a funeral anyways.. thats a tuffy maybe you should discuss that with the mothers of you 2 and get the point of view or the priest of your church.. and he can help you with that and give you some advice
]
When my cousin died..they cremated him..and we just had a memorial mass...if i were you i would respect my husbands wishes..because it must mean to them in a specail way..that you dont kno about! hope i helped! xoxo mauuhh
]
He's right because it's his death. For your death demand he have the proper blow out funeral you'd want. IT's your death, you'll be right. Besides just because he doesn't want his corpse gawked at, doesn't mean you can't have a get together. Just plan a reunion in his honor after the burial or cremation. Who says he'll die first anyway? There are much better to argue over. Try the TV remote next time.
]
Get a little bit more information from him. Why does he not want to have a funeral? Have him give you some specific reasons. Perhaps there's something about funerals that rubs him the wrong way that you can avoid in the service. Let him know that memorial services come in all shapes and sizes. He doesn't have to have a funeral in a church with a coffin and all of the other traditional trappings, many people choose not to. A few family members can gather in a park, informally share some memories and then go to his favorite restaurant. They can spend an afternoon volunteering for his favorite charity and talk together. They can take a trip to Brazil and scatter ashes in the rainforest. A memorial service can be whatever he wants it to be, and it doesn't have to cost anything at all. Explain that because he is an important part of so many people's lives, his friends and family will need to gather in some way in order to support each other. Tell him that the pain of his death is not something you want to go through alone, which he should be sympathetic to. Let him think about ways that his family and friends can gather to support each other and honor his memory that make him comfortable. Sit down with him and try to think outside of the box. The two of you should be able to find some kind of compromise.
]
Well the only thing u can do out of love when he dies is respect his wishes...or your always gonna have that thought in the back of your head wondering if you did the right thing. You may not understand it hes a man lol...but id do what hewished for . maybe he even has reasons hes not telling you
]
I think that a funeral should be held because as you said, its a way to say goodbye. But you should respect his wishes, just as if someone said they wanted to be cremated they would get cremated. Maybe you should just talk to him about it and say his family needs to say goodbye but dont argue. if he still doesnt want one-then dont force him. But ask him to give you reasons why he doesnt want a funeral.
]
I think your husband is gay and he doesn't want his gay lover to show up at the funeral.
Hope I help
--Gabby
]
Why not try to strike up a compromise? If your husband doesn't want a funeral, he might be more open to a remembrance celebration at your home, a few words spoken at a funeral home, etc.
If you explain the reasons you would want to have your family around you at this point (and I think it's important to remember they would be anyway - you would need support far beyond the actual day of a funeral) and let your husband know that you would feel comforted with some sort of service, perhaps he would be more open.
I think the suggestion of having people over to your house is wonderful, as it gives you much support and a chance for everyone to remember him together. Then you could have close family members accompany you to the cemetary; in this way, both you AND your husband can be respected.
Finally - make sure you're spending time enjoying each other while you're both alive!
]
More Questions: |