about

Hi I'm Dee. I'm 23 and married. I've worked in health care as well as office settings but am now a home-maker. I'm knowledgeable in a variety of subjects but don't mind doing a little research if asked about something I don't know about. Most of my friends come to me for advice. I read several advice columns and would like to help you also.

I'm not judgemental. Your life is yours to live it as you choose. I believe asking for advice is good, but ultimately the choice is yours. You WILL NOT find a hurtful or smartass answer here.

If you have a question that you would like to keep private, you can email me and I'll get back to you as soon as possible.

advice

A friend of mine told me that she heard that if you have a light period, then you will have a harder time becoming pregnant when you are trying to conceive! So if your period lasts for 2 days while other girls have it for 7 days, you will have more trouble becoming pregnant! Does anyone know if this is true, or is it just some kind of a myth? Just wondering... I thought it was kind of interesting.

I would have to say from experience it's a myth. My sister has heavy periods while I've always had light periods. Both of us have a tendency to get pregnant very easily.

[view]

okay so if someone is pregnant can they have sex? like during the first few months?
or do they have to wait till after they have there baby and the doctor gives them an a-okay??

This is something the woman needs to discuss with her ob/gyn. It depends on the individual situation. If there are problems in the pregnancy, the doctor may recommend that you abstain for the health of the baby. In other cases where there are no problems, there shouldn't be a problem with continuing to have sex through the pregnancy. The best way to know for sure is to ask the doctor. Please don't be embarassed about what the doctor might think. It's a common question, one I'm sure they've heard many times before.

[view]

can I get pregnant on my period if I'm on birth control?

Any time you have sex, even if you're on birth control, there is a chance of pregnancy. Birth control can reduce your chances, but it's not 100% effective. I was on birth control when my first child was conceived. The only way to be 100% sure of not getting pregnant is to not have sex at all.

[view]

ok so im going to be 18 in about 9 weeks time and im thinking all my friends well apart from a few have all had sex even ones who are younger than me am i getting to old and whats the right age to have sex?? I would have had sex but my bf says he loves me but i do not trust him its like when we are away from each other he never contacts me or cares about me my question is shall i wait until the right one comes along to lose my virginity? thank you in advance.x

There's no specific age at which you should have sex. It's more a matter of comfort levels. Since you say you're unsure of your boyfriend, I would suggest waiting. When it's the right time and the right person, you'll know it.

[view]

My husband has asked me for a three-some well not really, just said it was one of his fantasies. He says he is content with never having one, he just really would want to and the pure mention of it gets both of us excited. My problem is, I am very jealous over him. I have considered giving him one for his birthday but the thought of him having sex with another woman seriously pisses me off(except for in my fantasies). I know this should tell me not to do it but I want him to get what he has always wanted. He is very very very good to me.. Any Input?

I have to agree with younggrandma. Unless you are completely sure that you would be comfortable with it, I wouldn't try it. Since you've already said that you're jealous and the thought of him being with another woman is something that would anger you, I'm thinking this isn't something you'd be comfortable with. There are lots of other ways you can add "spice" without involving another person.

[view]

I've wanted to be a singer my WHOLE life. I know I can sing good because all my life I've been getting solos in chorus and everyone I know says I'm good. I can hit a bunch of notes and I can control my voice and everything.. but a few years ago I had a bad experience on stage... and ever since ive had major stage fear.

I dont even wanna TALK about what happened to me... but it was horrible and ever since I havent been able to get on stage by myself.. All of a sudden I'm constantly worrying that my voice is horrible and people are going to make fun of me.

I'm starting to get better but I want a record contract, and I think with what I'm doing now I can get a chance at one. Im just to afraid to sing by myself in front of anyone other than my closest friends... and I know record companyss wont take me for that.

Does anyone know how I can get over my stage fright... please its important!!

Since you're afraid to get on stage by yourself, you can start by taking small steps. Get on stage with a group in front of people you don't know. Once you get comfortable with that, try a smaller group. Keep reducing the size of the group as you get more confident. Before long, you should be able to be on stage by yourself.


Something that always helped me when singing in front of people I didn't know was not actually looking at their faces. Pick a focal point somewhere in the back of the room slightly over the crowd's head. For instance when I sang in church, I always focused on a stained glass window in the back of the church. It gives the appearance that you're looking at the crowd but keeps you from actually seeing anyone.


Another tip someone gave me was imagining the crowd as cartoon characters. The person told me it's hard to be nervous when you're imagining Tweety watching you sing. I tried it once but got cracked up. However, it might be something you can try.


Good luck with your singing career.

[view]

I'm 18/f. Please don't answer this if you're younger than me... you couldn't possibly have gone through what I am if you're 13... no offense.

I've been in psychoanalysis since I was 10 years old. They THINK I have bipolar disorder, but the psychiatrist told me they can't conclusively know or medicate me until I'm 21-22.

I'm in university right now, and I'm in danger of failing out because of my mental issues... I tried to tell this to the doctor, but she doesn't want to do anything. I'm worried that if I continue at this rate I'm going to fail at university, and at life, and that there won't be a me in 3-4 years to help anymore.

I have suicide hotline numbers, and I have really supportive friends... but everything is so hard, and the doctors are being useless...

Is there anybody here who has been through something similar, and who can offer a few words of advice? I'm dying here, and my exams are coming up.

Thank you for reading this VERY long question.

--Amanda

From what I understand, bipolar disorder can start at any age, including in childhood. I don't understand why your psychiatrist is insisting on waiting until you're 21 to diagnose you. Obviously it's having an effect on your life and needs to be treated now. I would suggest seeking a second opinion, preferably with someone who specializes in the disorder. Either your family doctor or student health center at the university should be able to give you a referral.


For more details on bipolar disorder, you can try the links below.
http://www.bipolar.com/
http://www.nimh.nih.gov/publicat/bipolar.cfm

[view]

Hey I need advice asap! 18 female. I am currently about 2-4 days late on my period. Also i usually start my period before my best friend and she is already started. So here is the deal. My boyfriend and i fooled around, with him inside me...but he didn't cum inside me and he was inside me for about 2 mins at themost. What are my chances of being pregnant . i am so worried and paranoid.
Please help

There is a slight chance you might be pregnant. When men are aroused, they usually leak a small amount of pre-ejaculate which does contain enough sperm to get you pregnant. Since he was inside you, the sperm could have gotten inside you that way. I would suggest buying a home pregnancy test. If you test negative, but are still having pregnancy symptoms, wait another week before doing a second test. If you're still having symptoms after the second test, you need to visit your gynecologist, health department or planned parenthood office and request a blood test. The blood test is much more sensitive and accurate. It will be able to tell you for sure.

[view]

so ive taken preg tests from my school twice.. nd they both came out that im NOT pregnant and they are sposed to be really good pregnancy tests.. but im sitll 8 weeks late for my period..

WHAT SHOULD I DO? what do you think?

Sometimes simply stressing over your period will make it late. Have you have any diet or exercise changes recently? These will also effect your period. Try to relax and give your period a little more time to start. If it still doesn't start and you're normally regular, I would suggest seeing a doctor and requesting a blood test. The blood test is much more sensitive and accurate than other pregnancy tests. It should be able to tell you for sure whether you're pregnant or not. If you're not comfortable seeing your family doctor, you can try your local health department or planned parenthood office for testing.

[view]

ok i know i have wrote to ya'll before about me being worried about my period but now im really worried. i have only gotten my period once because i am 13 and it first started in the last week of October. i bled for 2 & 1/2 days. now it is the 2nd week of march and i havent seen it sinse october. is something wrong with me. my friends say that i shouldnt worry about it because it will be eregular but it had been almost 5 MONTHS! no im not pregnant because i havent had sex but the day that i did get it i was masturbating but i know i didnt pop my cherry because i bled for 2 and 1/2 days. do you think i cut myself or something? anyway please help if your can and dont give stupid answers!
i rate high for good answers!

Sometimes it takes women's bodies a while to adjust to periods. Most women will naturally regulate, but there are few that continue to have irregular periods. I'm one of the ones that always have irregular periods and I'm nearly 24. Since it bothers you, I would suggest visiting your family physician or gynecologist for a checkup. They will be able to determine if everything is progressing normally. If you are one of the women that always have irregular periods, it can be treated fairly easy.

[view]

14/f. My boyfriend just turned 17. I am a virgin, he isn't. He's had sex with 2 people. We have been together for probably about 4 months. He respects me and I know he loves me and always wants to spend time with me. I know that he wants to have sex but tries his best to repect what I want. I sort of want to have sex, I know he loves me and cares about me. But there is another guy who I talked to before I knew him and he was in love with me. For some reason I stopped talking to him. And I'm just confused about what I want. Please give me advice, and when you have sex, do you immediately start to bleed your first time? and how much? I will rate.

It sounds to me like you're still very unsure. Until you can work through your feelings and be completely sure, I would steer away from a sexual relationship. Once you take that step, there is no going back. I know a lot of women, myself included, that deeply regret losing their virginity when they did.


The fact that you've only been together 4 months is also a concern. I realize that it seems like a long time (I was a teen not too long ago), but I would suggest waiting. Right now, you're still in the stage of getting to know each other. By waiting until you know each other better and have to go a point where you're more comfortable, you'll be able to make a better decision.


As for your questions, try the link below. It will explain what to expect. Your question is the last one on the page.
http://www.coolnurse.com/sex_faqs2.htm


If you do decide to take this step, I suggest a few things. First, I would have your boyfriend get tested. Since he has been with other women, there is a chance he may have an STD. I would also recommend you make an appointment with your family doctor or gynecologist. They can examine you to make sure your body is ready and also help you find the birth control option that's best for you. If you don't feel comfortable seeing a doctor that your family knows, you can also visit your local health department or planned parenthood office. Remember to also use a condom as birth control does not protect against STDs.

[view]

im 13 and i got my period a week before my 12th birthday. my boobs didnt grow at all before that and they are supposed to grow dramatically and then still havent grown much at all im like a 32A and its been a year and 2 months since ive gotten my period..is somethign wrong or are my boobs just enver going to grow?

Not everyone's breasts grow right away. Give it some time. Your body has a few years of growing yet to do. If you're still uncomfortable about your level of growth, talk to your doctor. They can tell you for sure if you're growing at the correct pace.

[view]

what r the symtoms of pregnancy? plz answer my best friend's girlfriend is saying she's pregnant but we arnt sure she's telling the truth

Generally, the first sign is a missed period. It may be accompanied by nausea, breast tenderness or changes, frequent urination, mood swings, and being more tired than usual. One thing to remember about morning sickness is that it's not a completely accurate term. Pregnant women can get sick any time of the day. I got sick all day and night myself. I would suggest your friend's girlfriend either take a home pregnancy test or see her health care provider to be tested. If she is pregnant, it's important that she starts prenatal care ASAP.
http://www.coolnurse.com/pregnancy.htm

[view]

This is very embarassing to ask, but im sure you`ve heard worse so bare with me here.
Awile ago I had sex for the first time.. and it was towards the END of my period....so there was no disgusting stuff or anything like that..
but anyways
he didnt wear a condom so i was afraid i would get pregnant.. but 4 days later i started taking the pill..(birth control not the day after pill)
which i THINK kills the sperm when you take it..
so there`s no chance i could be pregnant right?
I mean I was on my period, it was my first time, AND i started taking birth control 4 days later.

There is a slight chance that you can get pregnant while on your period. The birth control pill does nothing to the sperm. It works on your body to prevent ovulation. If you don't ovulate, there's no egg to be fertilized. However, not even the birth control pill is 100% effective. Also, while the birth control pill helps to reduce your chances of getting pregnant, it does not protect against STDs.


I would recommend going to your family doctor, health department, or planned parenthood office to be checked out.


For information, try the links below for information. On the first link, scroll down towards the bottom of the page for an explanation of how you can get pregnant while on your period.
http://www.coolnurse.com/sex_faqs.htm
http://www.coolnurse.com/birthcontrol.htm
http://www.coolnurse.com/can_i.htm

[view]

Do u think im too young for sex? I WANT TO SOOOOOO BADDDDDDDD! uhhhh..hes 17, but he promises me i wouldnt get pregnant if we used a condom in he took it out before he cummed in me..is that true?

The only thing that guarantees you won't get pregnant is not having sex at all. Unfortunately, contraceptives are not 100% accurate in preventing pregnancy. I was on the pill when I got pregnant with my first child.


As for whether you're too young. Personally, I think people shouldn't have sex unless they're prepared financially and emotionally to deal with the possible consequences. I think it applies no matter your age.

[view]

I've always been the type to worry about STDs but I went a little far with my boyfriend and we have preformed oral on each other. Even though I might have the chance of already having caught something is it ok for me to ask him to be tested? Where might he get tested?

It's never too late to be tested, especially now that you've moved forward in your relationship. Just let him know that you'd like for both of you to be tested before the relationship moves any further. Your family doctor, health department or planned parenthood office can do the testing. Some areas also have confidential testing centers. Check your phone book for information.

[view]

Ok here we go. Ok im 16 and ive made a commitment to myself that i would never have sex until i am married. Im not saying now but in the future..can i still do stuff that wouldnt be considered having sex. and is that all guys want...i mean i had a bf for 2 and 1/2 weeks (not long) and he told his friends that he was going to have sex soon. I dont know y he thought that b/c i was uncomfortable even kissing him..(he was 2 yrs older) and im just worried that in the future ill find this amazing guy and all he'll want is sex and i wont give it to him (unless we get married) is that so hard for guys to handle...will he end up cheating on me and have sex w/ someone who will give it to him? so is there pleasureable stuff that we can still do ...thats not sex?

First, I think it's wonderful that you've decided to wait for marriage. One of my biggest regrets in life is that I didn't wait. My head was clouded by love and I didn't realize the guy was only looking for sex until it was too late.


If a guy truly loves you, he'll respect the commitment you've made to yourself and not try to change your mind. There are guys out there who are willing to wait. Some may even share your commitment to wait for marriage.


Don't let anyone push you into something you're not ready for yet. If they tell you they have to have sex or they'll cheat or leave, let them go. There are ways a guy can deal with the urge without turning to another partner.


As for pleasurable things that aren't sex, it depends on your thoughts on what sex is. For some, it means actual intercourse. For others, any touching below the stomach is sex. Just stick to what you're comfortable with.


Regarding your boyfriend's remark, it might just be locker room talk and he's saying it because he's trying to keep up with the guys. I would sit down with him and see if it was just talk or he really intends to try. Personally, I think two weeks is too fast to be getting into a sexual relationship. You're still in the dating stage and getting to know each other.


Good luck.

[view]

THANK YOU SO MUCH IN ADVANCE FOR ANSWERING THIS AND I AM SORRY IF IT IS LONG BUT I REALLY NEED HELP WITH THIS.

So i have a really good friend and he has been talking about suicide all this week and he is really starting to scare me. I talk to him about how much i care about him etc. but still he said i dont think ill kill myself just now. but later i dont know. IM SO WORRIED ABOUT MY FRIEND! and try to have some other answer besides tell someone because i know that and i am considering it. So please any other good ideas.. ILL RATE 5'S FOR ALL SERIOUS ANSWERS

When someone admits to suicidal thoughts, it's usually a cry for help. Since you're already considering telling someone, I'll not say anything on that. Try to keep your friend's spirits up. If he's sitting home moping around, get him outside into some fresh air and new activities. Remind him of all the things he'll miss if he takes that step, not to mention how hurt you'll be to lose him. If he's told you the reasons behind these thoughts, try to help him find a less drastic solution. Encourage him to talk about his feelings either to you or a trusted adult.

[view]

13/m
ok i hope that this is in the correct category. well i masturbate wayyy 2 much. i kno i need 2 stop. 1 because my girlfriend doesn't like me doing it. 2. becuz its a little weird that i do it a lot. like whenever i get a boner ( and no1 is around or im in my room , if im at my house ) i masturbate. i only do it at my house and shit but still. Plus the major thing is that i need 2 do this for my girlfriend * i dont wanna loose her or risk loosing her *. please dont tell me 2 think of sumthing else, trust me i have tried, it doesn't work for me.
thanks in advance
tiredofit

Instead of thinking of something else, have you tried doing something else? For example, when the urge hits, try exercising or even calling your girlfriend. Distracting yourself with another activity, especially one that puts you in a situation where you can't indulge, might help to take your mind off of it.

[view]

My boyfriend, Mike, and I have been together for about 2 years now. His father was diagnosed with cancer last May and they didn't catch it until it was too advanced. He's been in and out of the hospital since then and now about 5 days a week. They let him go home everyday and come back the next.

Today they offically gave him 6 months to live.

He cried when he was telling me. I've known him since we were 12 (we're both now 18) and I've never once seen him cry.

His brother commited suicide in October and he didn't even cry then.

I don't know what to do here. I don't know what to say and I don't know how to act. You'd think after knowning him and his family for so long that I would have a clue. But I don't. Not even after his brother.

It's always hard to lose a loved one, especially when it's a waiting game like this situation. I lost my best friend who was like a sister to me to cancer just last week. For now, just be there for your boyfriend and his family. Let them know that you're there for them if they need someone to talk to or a shoulder to cry on. As things progress, you can offer to sit with your boyfriend's father to give them a break if they need it. Sitting with a terminally ill loved one can be very stressful. Sometimes family members need a break from the situation. You can also offer help with cooking, housework or errands. By helping to take those chores off their hands, it gives them more time to spend with the father.

[view]

<<< Previous Advice Column
Next Advice Column >>>
eXTReMe Tracker