so 3 days ago my friend told me that she smoked weed that day. i pretended to be all cool about it and laughed along with him but i'm worried. he also told me that he got a months worth on cigs. what do i do? do i just let him or try to stop him or what??
People are going to do what they are going to do. It's their decision, not yours and there is little you can do to stop them. Try telling your friend you're worried for their safety and you want them to stop at least when you are with them.
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why does it always feel as if i'm the outcast of my group? whenever i hang out with friends i always feel like i'm not wanted there. i am single and some of my friends have gf/bf and all but even if i'm not with a couple, it is just acward.
Also, ever feel that when you get mad at someone over something they did and you tell them that you're mad and why they always seem to either get mad back or just blow you off like you don't matter? And then they don't talk to you or appologize because they think that you're just being a big baby but you really were hurt by them, but then on the same page they can get mad at you for no reason and get even madder and ignore you when you try to act the same way that they treated you in a similar situation? is that fair that they can treat you like that, but you have to butter up and be nice when they're mad and you can't treat them the same way that they can't treat you? (Sorry it's so long...)
ALL the time. Ive had this problem for as long as I can remember throughout middle school and high school. Its a very common problem - especially with teenage girls. They want the control and they will step on anyone who is nice to get that feeling of being on top of the world - as evil as that sounds, I know. But its true. Ever notice people are meanest to the nicest people? Its because they know they'll feel better. Theyre just insecure. Id ditch them, honestly. You have 2 choises. Leave them in the dust and protect your morals. Or dont stand up for yourself, know you'll always have a group but go through pain and struggle.
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me and my group of friends with a new girl this year..now shes a part of our group. its been about 5 months since we've been friends, and now she said that she used to cut herself and sometimes gets drunk. im not like that at all. i think thats really bad. i dont want to be peer preasured. i really like her.. whaddo i do?
She might just be saying these things to impress you. Some people try to do that for the "shock" factor. It definitely worked - youre shocked..but not in a good way. Be honest with her and tell her youre not going to judge her about ANYTHING she does, but you and your friends dont happen to want to do it. It doesnt sound like she's peer pressuring you from what you said. So, dont worry about being peer pressured until the time actually comes.
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You said this:
Truth is, theres ALWAYS going to be girls like her. And they ALWAYS end up in bad situations later in life because they wasted their school time thinking about "cute clothes" instead of their schoolwork.
I am one of those "girls like her" except I get really good grades. The thing is, no one thinks I'm capable of it. When people found out I had a 4.0 GPA and got the highest grade on the math exam in the grade, they started to get SO jealous. I always try to hide my grades because people are just plain jealous.
I KNOW there's tons of people who are better off and worse off, but how do I let people know I may be smart/pretty (stereotypically anyways) but that DOESN'T matter. I have soo much drama in my life because of this.
Thanks
I'm 15/f
Hey. Well, at first I thought you were just criticizing my answer. But, you did point out something important. I wasn't right to say "They ALWAYS end up in bad situations later in life." However, I was being very general. Or you should re-evaluate what I said. Are you SURE youre like the girls I mentioned? Im not so sure, from how you described yourself. You said you have a 4.0 GPA so obviously you're extremely smart. I love cute clothes - and honestly, I think I probably spend too much time on my looks rather than homework and studying. :] Some people can do both, though. So, obviously you proved me wrong! I think I was referring to girls who are WAY out of the top. Girls who cheat off of everyone, never do homework, never try in class and want to be a rich, trophy wife rather than anything academic and worthwhile. I dont think you really are like the girls I mentioned.
To answer your question, who cares what other people know about you? Lots of pretty people have to face being stereotyped. Its because theyre JEALOUS of you. You have to realize people are always going to be jealous, its a never ending cycle. High school is only 4 years. Its all very competitive and hormones are raging. But, if you are a genuinely nice person - even to the jealous people! - they will eventually learn from you and be nice, too.
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Alright, there is this girl at school(Let'scall her Olivia), and she is REALLY REALLY annoying...if you walk faster than her, she;ll start saying in a whiny voice "Hey, wait, wait for me!" or something, and she cuses a lot, she flips people off, and one day, when I came into school late, she tried to hug me, but I was like 'I don't want to hug, but it's great to see you!' and then my friend calley came up and hugged me and I hugged her back. And yet Olivia honestly won't take a hint! Also, she;s one of those girls who won't stop doing something if you tell her to stop. Like, with another friend,Olivia wouldn't stop hitting her, now there is a place on me where you can hardly touch and it tickles and such. Well, she won't stop and I've told her too, but she won't. It's on my last nerve, what can I do to get her to leave me and my friends alone?(All my friends don't like her, and she is honestly like...a stalker because she'll follow you everywhere!) please, I really need some help. Thanks so much!
You might not like my advice.
But, Ive been in OLIVIA'S spot (in middle school.) I was kind of a loser. And I was very socially awkward. Many times, I had the same behavior as you described Olivia to be like. I hate to say that, but Im being totally honest here. School sucks and some kids handle it differently. Im going to tell you that for you to say 'I don't want to hug, but it's great to see you!' and then go and hug your other friend is mean and a cliquy thing to do.
You sound like you dont like her because your friends dont accept her. Shes only doing these things to get friends. Its her way of getting attention. Face it: the more you exclude her, the more she's going to want your attention. Its just a true fact. She might grow out of it, soon. But, for now I can only tell you being the bigger person than your friend will definitely benefit you in life. Theres a lot of Olivia's out there. But, her purpose ISNT to annoy you. She just wants someone to talk to..shes probably very alone. I would be nice to her. No one says you have to call her up and hang out, but be patient with her.
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I really just need someone to talk to, my best friends mad at me and I sadly, have no one else to talk to. I'm under a world of stress. I don't know what to do.
Theres hundreds of columnists on this site. Just so you know, you can ALWAYS talk to us. We are here to help and sometimes just listen to you like friends. :] I know Im really good at that. I do it all the time to people I know..and people I dont know. My inbox is always open, and if you want direct help, Im usually on AIM. My screen name is xomichelle891xo. Is there no parents in your life? If so, talk to them! Or any other family member. I also strongly suggest getting a therapist or talking to your school guidance counselor if you are a student. I know this may sound weird to go to one. But, its not for freaky weird people. Its for venting your problems. Talking about people and NOT getting caught and in trouble for it like you would telling your friends. Theyre there to listen..and give you advice.
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i really really want to become friends with this clique. what's the best way to do this? i'm having a party on saturday, and they're going to be there, so how should i go about it?
Be nice to them. Accomidate them with whatever they need at your party! And when youre at the party, try to stay with them. Dont be weird or clingy - they wont like you. Just casually go over and be like, "Hey! Whats up? Are you guys having funn?" Dont act like you really really want to become friends with them. Getting into cliques takes WEEKS, MONTHS! Take it slow.
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how come there are some people that have everything? like theres this girl that used to be in my class.. shes practically perfect. she was blessed with really good looks (she was like one of the first people to start wearing make up and unlike most people, she looks really good in it), amazing hair (always a different hairstyle everyday, too!), and... jesus.. you like never see her wear the same outfit twice! and every outfit looks sooo trendy and cute. she has soo many accessories and etc.. she also has a ton of friends, and an older sister. she's also an amazing soccer and basketball player, and even though she doesnt get the best grades (shes in low literacy, too) shes pretty nice to everyone, so its hard to hate her! but i swear, I bet everyone is jealous, lol. I used to think that she lives in an apartment, but it turns out she lives in one of the gigantic mansions in my area! and her parents are still together and have alot of money (obviously). everything seems so perfect! and she doesnt get upset alot, but once in 6th grade she was like really upset that like.. gum got on her $40 dollar bra from victorias secret. omg.. who buys a bra for 40 dollars I ask you!?!?!? how is this possible! she also gets alot of her stuff from hollister, which isnt even in our nearby mall.. so she must go to those other real expensive malls where she gets all her glam stuff. jeez... some people have all the luck! me and my friend were talking about her.. i knew her last year, and she was nice and has a good personality, (though sometimes she can seem too overconfident.. if you know what I mean) but you couldnt help to be jealous! now when i look at my life.. my family is not all that rich, but we're not poor either. my dad is starting a company which probably will be big if it works out (hes still setting it up) but like.. I dunno. then i'd have to leave all my friends here.. and that would suck because its not the same when you meet new people and you havent known them since kindergarten.. or like it may, but its better to grow up with people... if you get what i mean. anyway, i'll probably wear an outfit and then mix it up a little the next week.. but basically still wear the same thing. i only have 1 pair of jeans that actually looks good (from american eagle) and well.. yeah. i cant really follow trends because now my parents arent all that rich. heck i couldnt even have a 13th bday party and i have to pay for me and my friends to see a movie instead. (I'm 13 today and my "movie party" is next week). I'm pretty, but my mom wont let me get make up.. i dont even have enough money to get my own make up, nor do i know how to apply it. i'm kinda shy unless you get to know me, and well i do good in schools, and i like to play soccer, basketball, and dance, but I'm not like an amazing athlete like that girl im talking about was. like i didnt make the soccer team (im in 7th grade) and she made the team, and its the A team! most of the A team is 8th graders, and most of the B team is 7th graders. wow.. just wow. she even gets to play soccer otherwise in a different county than ours like 30-40 mins away.. and its travel soccer! i only get to do rec.. and i've only played in 3 seasons. i wish i started soccer earlier.. basketball too, but im better at basketball than soccer. ugh.. i just.. dont know. i guess like.. everyone has something special about them.. im not saying that i dont like myself.. I think I'm a great person and all, but like.. its just kinda unfair that this girl has like everything! i dont even have an ipod, cellphone, etc. I have like.. gameboy color, and a gamecube, opposed to nintendo DS and playstation 3. and.. like etc. i know this was ridicuosly long, but its been in my head. i dunno if i just like have no self confidence.. sometimes i dont, but usually i do... well it depends if im in a good mood or not. or maybe its because im wacko, which some of y'all may say. or maybe im just a green jealousy-person. ugh.. well.. yeah thats pretty much it.
also, what do you think it takes to be popular? i dunno what i am.. i dont know anybody that hates, me and i have friends and junk (no boyfriend, too). i dont deliberately try to be mean to people, if i am, im probably just joking around, unless i really mean it, but thats rare. i wont be like "your such a bitch, amanda!" since i'm like a positive person and think everyone has a good thing about them (I know.. kinda retarded way of thinking. like theres this loser guy in my class and even though hes made fun of me before (it was really retarded, and this guy i liked stuck up for me, though i dont care what the loser guy says
Im NOT going to be like "wtf" but I am going to say TWO words that pretty much sums up all of your problems here.
"MIDDLE SCHOOL"
You mentioned youre 13. Well, I was only 13 2 years ago, but something changed drastically when I became a freshman in high school last year. People cared less about popularity and more about their future and their own friends. Being popular isnt the best thing in the world. And DONT say she has a perfect life until youve actually spent a day BEING her. Maybe she seems perfect on the outside, but once in awhile she must have a problem or sadness in her life..everyone does at one point. No one is perfect no matter how well she covers up her flaws! I mean I know its harsh, but you dont know what her real life is. She could be dealing with an eating disorder or depression. Maybe her family & life looks "great" on the outside with their money and mansions, but inside the house could be a totally different story. Maybe one of her parents is a drug addict (some rich, suburban moms are.) Or maybe her parents fight a lot or abuse her. I hate to say that...Im just saying - I used to think this girl in my school was PERFECT. Really. She had everything. Money, guys, friends, everything you mentioned. And then I actually befriended her and found out that her parents were going through a nasty divorce and she was raped by her Uncle when she was 7 years old. Horrible, I know. But see, you cant judge a book by its cover.
Secondly, people who have lives that good and get everything that easy to them are learning how to live life the HARD WAY. I noticed you said shes not doing well academically? Well, academics is what gets you a job. And getting a job is what gets you all the glamorous things she has. What is she going to do when shes out of highschool and everyone is applying to colleges? Her parents ARENT going to financially support her forever, I can tell you that right now. People who are rich and get things easily, never learn the value of it. They take everything for granted like their objects, money and friendships.
This girl is obviously doing a HECK of a job of being someone everyone likes. Shes actually smart in a way - shes decoded the popularity code and totally found out the way to achieve it. She knows that being nice to people will always make you popular. And she obviously works hard on her looks - making sure she buys cute clothes and never wears the same outfits, etc. Truth is, theres ALWAYS going to be girls like her. And they ALWAYS end up in bad situations later in life because they wasted their school time thinking about "cute clothes" instead of their schoolwork. And therefore, cant get a college degree to get a job & support themselves. She might have to go back to school to get her credits to graduate high school with good grades...is popularity really worth it?
In my book, not really! You have friends, you are healthy. Youre alive. Youre not homeless or poor. Be thankful for what you have. Try convincing your mom to let you wear a little make-up and ask questions about HOW to put on make-up on this site! If you really want to be like her and have more clothes, work for it. Get a job (babysit, dog sit, do chores around the house for allowance.) And then forget about her..youre never going to be EXACTLY like her. So why spend your time trying?
The real way to become popular is to be yourself. Dont try to immitate her..but befriend her. Invite her over, talk to her in school. Be nice to everyone and have your own style. Be fun and outgoing and you will be popular. :]
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hey, ive been trying to think of something to do for my 16th bday party. i was gonna do midnight bowling, but someone else did that a few weeks ago and i dont want to seem like im copying them. does anyone have a cool, original idea? thanks :)
Hmm well, whats your price range? :]
You can always just have a party at your house. -AKA - not a lot of money! You can transfer your house into a cool club, actually. Ive done that before. Clear out your basement if you have one or garage or any other spare room you have thats big enough for people to dance and stuff. Take the furniture out and hang christmas tree lights everywhere. Put candles everywhere, too :] Turn off the real lights and make it dark-ish in there. Get lots of food and tell everyone they have to dress up to get in. Put on music and everyone can just dance/talk/socialize, etc. Put on a movie in the background without a lot of sound for decoration/something to look at that will grab peoples attention. For example, maybe put on My Super Sweet 16 to inspire people to party? Or your favorite movie or music videos. :]
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15/F
I really want a boyfriend.
And its not like you can go buy one from the store ahaha, but I'm always meeting new people.
I dont know, just how did some of you guys find your boyfriends?
any tips..?
Its a 24/7 hour job trying to find a boyfriend. :] The hard part? Everyone wants love. Everyones looking for it. And most good guys are taken. You basically have to just keep yourself open! Flirt with guys you like like its your job. Seriously, thats not slutty. But, if you really REALLY want a boyfriend you have to work for it! Chances are, he's not just going to come to you out of nowhere..you have to work for him. Learn to be confident yourself and ask people if they want to hang out. Thats how you get a boyfriend.
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I`m already worried about starting
high school next year, especially the drinking
scene. My best friend was given 20 minutes to
live this year after I found her severly drunk
at a soccer game. (Keep in mind, we're 8th
graders) Well, I had no idea any of this was
going on and I'm not sure if I can handle
my other friends getting into drinking next
year. How do I keep myself out of it?
I'm not up for risking my life like she did,
but I am curious about trying it! Thats the
problem.
Hey. Just so you know - not EVERYONE drinks in high school. Believe me. I know it seems like it but thats because the people that DO it like to tell everyone they do to be "cool" and brag about their lives. Theyre losers. Keep in mind your friend made a HORRIBLE mistake..but that doesnt mean you have to follow the same path. I strongly suggest that you dont drink. But, on the other hand, I do have to warn you. NOT drinking does come with baggage. People will label you a "goody good" because they are jerks. My advice to you is to just play along. You dont have to drink. But, you shouldnt miss out on parties, etc just because of it. Dont drink if you dont want to. I know people that go to parties and hold beers and never take a sip and no one notices. Some people just plain say, "No thanks." I would also encourage you to try to make friends that dont drink. To another question you had, the way you keep YOURSELF out of it is to put yourself above it all. Youre better than that..you have more going for you. Like LIFE.
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Me and my friend made this fake screename to talk to this boy
We did it becuase he doesnt like us and wont talk to us , but we said it was someone , he doesnt know her very well at all though
We talked to him for hours and hours for 2 nights
and we could tell he stayed up all night just to talk to "kaitlyn" when its not her .
We feel bad for doing this, but at the same time he lied about alot of stuff
We could also tell that he was starting to like " Kaitlyn" just by what he was saying and how he was flirting
It made us sad becuase we like him alot and we could tell he was liking "kaitlyn" but not us
Yeah I know we did a dumb thing
But what shuld we do?
Well, Im a little confused. Why doesnt he like the real you? Did you make "Kaitlyn" a different personality..maybe more outgoing perhaps? If so, thats the reason he liked her more. Also, some people are shallow. Is he popular? If so, maybe he doesnt want to talk to the REAL you becuase he's an asshole who only cares about hanging out with people in his own clique and people he doesnt know to keep his reputation "clean." It sounds like this is the deal here. Anyway, you have to stop IMing him because if he finds out, you will be in a REALLY bad situation. Also, if you could pretend to be Kaitlyn you can act like her in real life too. Obviously stay true to yourself! Im just saying..he liked YOU. The only thing different was the name. So try to start over with him.
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i want to make new friends, but i dont really know how to. You see, it's just kind of weird to go sit at a lunch table that you don't usually sit at, or start talking to people at school that you don't really know. So, my question is, how do you make new friends?
Theres no real way to make friends. I cant give you a magic secret that will instantly make you popular. First of all, know good REAL friendships take a while to develop..they dont happen overnight. Being nice to people is key. If youre sweet, friendly and approachable, people will like you! Dont get stuck in a reputation. For example, Ive learned the hard way talking and gossiping about people will always backfire on you. People WILL tell other people you do it and you will get caught. Also, you'll get the reputation of a gossip queen/bitch and no one wants a friend like that. Its weird but its helpful to sit at a table you wouldnt normallys it at. Chances are, theyre going to be nice about you sitting there and fine with it. Try sticking with people you dont know well in your classes. If you have to work with a partner on something, try to talk to them about what youre working on and then move your way into a more general conversation. "I love this class, what about you?" or something like that. Just be outgoing and confident. And you will have friends. :] good luck!
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my fucking mom treats me like im still 7. my siter is 9 and every friday and saturday night they go out to eat. im fucking 14 years old so why the hell do they think i want to spend my friday and saturday nights EVERY weekend at a gay restaurant with my parents and my mom and sister dont get along so i end up having to listen to them fight.
im at the age where i can go out with my friends and i can stay home alone, i dont need to go everywhere with my parents. i scream at them and tell them how much i hate being with them and they never let me go anywhere with my friends. i dont have any fun
once again on a friday night my parents a sister are going out to eat, and they said i HAVE to go. but i went LAST week and the week before that and the week before that. its a fucking friday night i want my friend to come over but NOOOOO my mom has to be gay and say "o ur going out to eat you cant stay home alone with your friend"
how can they expect me to go everywhere with them????
i need major advice. i cant deal with this shit and watch all of my other friends have fun without me
Hey - Just a word of advice on how parents think...
Well, parents are AFRAID of losing you. So understand their fears and respect it. They still want you to be their "baby" even though you are much older physically and mentally to BE babied by them. Instead of being so harsh about it saying "I hate being with you." to them, be nice about it. After all, they LOVE you and they are nice to you..because they dont want to lose you and thats a sign of a good, loving parent. Just think how many kids want what you have, but dont. Think about your parents and how you would feel if they were gone tomorrow. (I guarantee you'd miss those dinners!)
Also, Im not totally on their side, here - Im on yours too. Youre 14. You should most definitely be allowed to stay home alone for a few hours and go out with your friends! The dinners are fine but maybe they could change dinners to a weeknight if thats possible. Or move family time to sunday when its still the weekend..but people arent socializing as much as FRIDAY and saturday. No matter how gay you think it is, family time is important..so make sure they prioritize and let you go out, but dont totally drop them.
Trust me when I say if you put up less of a fight with them and show them you can have both (go out with your friends and still be totally loving towards them) the more they will see how mature you are and they will become less afraid of letting you go. So, be respectful and drop the language. I know parents are annoying and its hard but try not to get frustrated. And TALK TO THEM. Be honest with how you feel. Tell them you need time to bea teenager and you feel like youre missing out on that part of your life. Also, explain youre always going to be their daughter and that you still want time with them.
:] SORRY ITS LONG!
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I have a best friend, we are always together and on the phone and laughing and even speaking eachothers words.
She went away to visit her other friend and i called her and stuff to see what was going on, and she was being mean to me and like rude and it hurt my feelings so much.
She like acted like she didnt even wanna talk to me or anything.
For like 3 seconds she would act normal and then she would get all nasty and stuff.
And We even promised that while she was gone, we were still gonna be best friends.
Why would you think she was doing this to me?
It makes me so sad, shes my best friend ever.
I wouldnt be worried if you guys are always together and always laughing and that close. If you guys had a fight or something - then maybe you'd need to consider working it out, but Id leave it alone. Maybe she was having a bad day. You didnt do anything wrong to make her upset [at least, you didnt mention it if you did.] But, she would tell you if there was something wrong. I think youre taking it too personally. I wouldnt call her anymore when she's on vacation. Its VERY common for friends when they are with OTHER friends to act rude and snobby. Sometimes they dont try to, theyre just in the middle of something and not in the right mind to talk to another friend. A lot of people cant have more than one friend in their attention at a time. You've been that friend all the time..so maybe she just wants to spend a little time with someone else. Thats okay. :] It doesnt mean you guys are going to not be friends! Maybe she was having a bad day, but it was probably the first thing I said. Leave her be for awhile and let her have time with her other friend and I promise things will be normal when she gets back.
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15/f. i really want to make more guy friends because there is just so much drama with girls and i think that it is always good to have a couple good guy friends. what are some ways to make more guy friends without them thinking i like them or i'm flirting with them. because i don't want to come off as flirting when i'm only trying to be friendly.
Hm, I guess you just have to be interested in something they like! Dont talk about makeup with them or anything, talk about a great adventure movie you want to see. Ask them for advice about guys so they know youre not trying to get with THEM. Treat them like a brother and joke around with them. Tease them playfully in a non-flirtful way. I agree with you that girls are annoying and hard to be friends with. Invite a few guys over for a movie and FOOD hang out. Just make sure you dont lose yourself just to be friends with guys.
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how do you get a best friend? I have some friends now that I dont really think will be best friend material, though they are my friends.... but sometimes i want that person that i can do anything with and just have fun and stuff. but its hard to find!
13/f
The way to get a best friend is to be a loyal friend! Ive found that being the person that someone can count on, a shoulder to lean on really pays off. Dont gossip or spread rumors or start drama if you want a best friend. And just try to find one person you are closest to and bond. It happens naturally, of course, you cant really force it. But you can invite people over and be a good friend. :]
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okay.
my friend lets say JENNY is turning 16.
now, her parents left her best friend CINDI in charge of inviting ten people. So CINDI wanted my help trying to decide who to invite.
the thing is we want 5 boys and 5 girls. but we don't know whos shes friends with besides us! and we can't study her and watch her interactions because we don't really see her all the time.
so whats a good way of asking her without asking her?
I would just straight out ask her. "So, what'd you do this weekend? Did you hang out with anyone cool?" or "Who are your closest friends beside us in school?" If she wants to know why, just play it off like its a huge joke. DONT tell her its for the party (It sounds like a surprise and you wouldnt want to ruin it.) Or go on her myspace if she has one and see whos on her top 8 or if one person comments her a lot. :] Good luck!
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these 2 girls i met this summer went to peurto rico together for december break. all 3 of us are pretty close. but since them 2 are away on that vacation i know that they will become reallllly close. next summer we are going together to the same camp, and im worried that i'll be left out because they became really close.
what can i do to prevent this or not think about it? should i talk to them about it?
p.s i didnt go because that girl could only bring one friend... and chose her
Sometimes 2 people just have a connection and theres really nothing you can do to change that. I would try having both of them over and doing things to get close to them! Invite them to do something really fun. Obviously, you cant compete with taking someone to Puerto Rico! But, tell them you want to stay close with them. Im sure when you go to camp, it will be back to normal. Its in a few months.
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ok. if your so called "BEST FRIENDS" never called you, always stood you up with phone calls, and made you feel like you weren't their friend, what would you do?
I'd be pissed. This happens to me a lot. But, Id talk to them. Give them the benefit of the doubt. If they never call you though, and theyre supposed to be your "best friends" they dont sound very nice/social! I think you should ask them why they dont and if they dont give you a good reason, I would just get new friends!
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