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Hey, what's up? My name is Annie.

I work in a neurobiology lab and I love my job. I will do my best to help you! Also don't be afraid to ask me a question or a clarification to any advice I give you. I get email updates so they WILL get answered.

Have a question? I'll try to answer. :)

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I need help, I like my best friend, I've been liking him for awhile but I haven't told him cause I don't wanna ruin anything I know that if I tell him I will ruin everything but I really like him and I don't know what to do :(

There could be a chance that he likes you too...Unless there is something preventing you from being together (like him being in a relationship), the only way you'll know is if you make your feelings known. You can try to gauge his feelings to the best of your ability or see how he treats you or acts around other girls. But ultimately, the best way to know for sure is to ask. Ask him how he feels about you and that you think you might like him more than a friend. Good luck!

My friend is in a relationship. The guy she is dating is telling people that they are just friends but I know that they arent. He asked her to be his girlfriend and I witnessed this happen. Should I tell her that he is telling people they arent dating or not? Age: 16

You should tell her because you are her friend. You can say something like "Hey...I just heard your bf tell people you two are just friends...did something happen?" Then help her get through this. No one should have to waste time with someone when that person has no interest in them. Help her through it!

I'm not sure what is the right thing to do. I'll be honest, I know a lot of people don't like my boyfriend. We're both 22. He's difficult, can be very blunt/honest, which seems mean, and he went through a period last couple months when he was depressed; you know how it is to be around people who are depressed. He hasn't exactly been the funnest to be around. He lost a lot of his friends and even my friends know that he wasn't doing well. A couple of times that he was at my friends house he sort of acted antisocial and sat in the corner. They told me this was annoying and created a poor atmosphere and that they miss hanging out with just me. I told them he was having a hard time, and they seemed to understand, told me to talk to him about it. There was also a conversation we had unrelated to him in which they told me that they didn't want me to invited random people to their house unless I asked.

Now about the event, these same friends who are two sisters and one other girl just graduated. Their family of the two sisters who are good friends of mine is in town and the day of their graduation they invited me to a party at their house after, the same day last minute. Since I asked who was going and they said them their family and boyfriends and our other friend I didn't think twice about not going with my boyfriend (since I had already made plans with him before they invited me and felt bad telling him to go home because I had other plans). I talked to him before and he promised he wouldn't act antisocial or badly. Well I live 30 minutes away and it was 10pm at night when they said to come over, I already was tired but I thought these are my good friends, I'll go for them. We started driving and as soon as we got there we were about to walk upstairs and they found out I was with him and told me that they never invited him and they thought I was clear not to bring people over without asking them.

This is true I should have asked, but I honestly thought they were talking about random people not my boyfriend who I do a lot of things with. I knew they felt like he was kind of creating a bad time but I didn't think they didn't want him around. I told them that. And then told them I could turn around if it was a big deal. And they responded "We didn't think we had to spell it out for you, we don't want him here because of what we talked about before and my family is here so you can come but not with him" so I had to turn around and drive back home 30 minutes lost a total of an hour and my feelings are really hurt. I would never do that to someone.

Am I wrong? Were they wrong? I'm not sure how to feel... Yes I understand it is their party and I should have asked, but I can't help but feel really upset that I drove there for them and they told me to leave. I know he's not the most fun person, but he is not an asshole, he is not disrespectful to other people. He is just quiet and doesn't talk that much because he is not that happy in his life. He doesn't want to be this way. He has made progress and he is afraid of ending up alone because people don't like him. He just has a hard time with relationships, but he is a good person. I feel like I am losing my friends because of this, it is really frustrating and I'm not sure how I should respond to what my friends did. Talk to them, don't talk to them, what is the best thing to say to them, should I let them know in upset and what is the best way to handle this? I could really use an outsiders advice on what seems right....

I want to applaud you in doing your best to help your boyfriend with a tough time. I know it can\'t be easy, but you are doing your best. I\'m sure he loves you for it. I don\'t think you\'re in the wrong here. Your intentions were good. You wanted to party with your friends and when they said that their boyfriends would be there you assumed you could bring your\'s. Of course you could have asked, but it happens. You probably were excited to hang out and have fun; it happens. You have a right to feel hurt though because you were trying your best.

I would say that you should try to plan get togethers that allow you to hang out with your boyfriend and different friends (not the two sisters and one other girl just graduated) separately. I think your friends could have handled the situation better, but let\'s give them the benefit of the doubt, since I don\'t know them. You should enjoy time with your boyfriend and hang out with other people with your boyfriend so he can build new friendships. If you only hang out with just him, then he\'ll feel lonely when you\'re not with him. It would be best to help him build new relationships so that he can be happier. Then when your friends ask you some place without your boyfriend you won\'t feel bad leaving him behind. And who knows maybe over time when your boyfriend starts feeling better your friends won\'t mind him joining from time to time. However, if they continue to be rude, maybe you will have to decide if they\'re worth keeping? (Let\'s hold off on that for now).

I hope that helps! Good luck!

so we have a female gym coach and a male gym coach at our school. im a girl and the female coach told me to give the male coach a note and he was in the boys locker room so i asked her to wait until he got out but she told me to go in there and give it to him. so i walked through a room full of naked 13 year old boys all staring at me and my guy friend, who i have a crush on, was in there. once they saw me they made a dash for cover and my friend and a couple of other boys werent quick enough so they were in the open and i couldnt find the coach so i had to ask my friend where he was so it was super awkward. that was last period so we went straight home after that. so how can we talk tomorrow without it being awkward?

Pretend as if it never happened. Seriously, it was an accident. You were just there to give the note to the gym teacher. I'd pretend as if it never happened. But, if say someone asks you simply tell them you were just doing that the coach told you to.

Okay so im in highschool (10th grade) & i hang out with a group of people. At first i really liked them all. but for the past 3 weeks i can't stand ANY of them. Everything they do annoys me. I get to school in the best mood but when i see them it just goes down. I don't want to be with them anymore. It really sucks because i don't even know what the hell is wrong with me? Did i just kind of outgrow them or something? im not happy anymore with them & im thinking of leaving them for another group . How do i tell them? or i don't tell them & just leave? Like honestly they are so BORING. Like i want to have fun & go to parties, go to amusement parks etc. but they just want to do all the boring bs. like watch movies & stuff like that. What should i do? time for new friends?

Maybe instead of outright leaving them, you should continue to be friends with them and get to know more people. There isn't a limit to how many friends one can have. If you happen to find friends you really connect with then there is nothing that says you can't hang out with the new friends. And if you need a quite evening watching movies then you'll have your old friends for that too. In addition, you can always try getting your current friends to do more exciting stuff (not sure if you have tried this or not). If not, then hang out with other people and remember to invite them. Maybe someday they'll want to join you and they might actually enjoy themselves. Sometimes we just need to do something out of the ordinary. But doing things out of the ordinary can get old an tiring too. Keep your old friends and make new ones.

Hope that helps!

hi im having a problem with my boyfriend.. he makes me mad alot but i love him. What should i do because i dont know how to handle this situation without hurting him.

It depends actually. There are different ways someone can make you mad. If he makes you mad because he's abusive or violent then that is not ok. However, if it's things like he doesn't text you back right away than those things can be fixed.

It would be good to get more detail, however what I can say is that you have to evaluate what you can do. If what he's doing is minor then you can just let it go. A relationship is a two-street and requires sacrifice from both ends. Try to look at the positive aspects about him and let somethings go. You shouldn't be afraid to tell him how you feel (in a nice way of course) and try to work it out. Working out arguments and problems is the main test in a relationship. If you love someone then you have to be willing to work things out.

I would love if you asked me another question with more detail. This way I can give you better advice. If you decide to ask me again, please link your original question. I'm sorry for the vague answer!

i didnt know what to put this under but whatever. i want to have a BIG 16th birthday ( im 15 ) my birthdays in july. What should i do? I dont want to have a pool party or anything. But can you give me some ideas..like where to go..if i should stay at home and invite people over or where to have it. ( if youve already had ur 16th birthday reply! ) but if you havent thats alright lol. thanks

Well...it all depends on your preferences.

For example, I just went to a movie and had dinner at a restaurant with my friends. I don't like planning big parties so I went the easy route. But, since you want a big party, that might not work.

Here are some sites I found that are filled with ideas that might spark some interest in you:

http://www.teenpartyideas.com/html/sweet_16_party.html

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20090704204016AA4DfbL

http://www.amazingmoms.com/htm/outdoorparties.htm

I think that a luau would be lots of fun. It's a realy great theme for summer. It's also a very easy theme to play off of. You can have it in your backyard and havea barbeque. One of the sites above have more information on it.

Hope that helps :)

I need quotes on losing friendships or friends and missing old friends PLEASE HELP

Here are some sites that might be helpful:

http://www.mydearvalentine.com/friendship/losing-friendship-quotes.html

http://www.quoteland.com/topic.asp?CATEGORY_ID=63

If those don't help try

Hope that helps :)

my friends always says that im silly what does that mean and is it a bad thing?

I could mean you're funny, sun to be with, goofy. http://thesaurus.com/browse/silly

It doesn't have to be a bad thing. It all depends on how s/he says it. It could mean that you make them laugh, but also depending on your age it could mean that you are kind of immature. It depends on how you act and what their definition of the word is.

You can always ask them what they mean by that too.

everytime i talk about something serious or personal about myself i feel really vulnerable and emotional and start tearing way too easily thats why i avoid talking about it with others because i know i will cry at the moment i talk about it but i could talk about personal things and not feel anything at all why do i feel this way?

You know, it's totally normal. Even I'm like that. There are really only four people that know about the hardest things I go to, that I only feel comfortable talking to. I think you should know that it's okay to feel vulnerable. It would also help if you had just a couple or even one person you could feel comfortable talking to. Know that it's okay to cry and most times it helps you get through tough times. Don't feel like it's a bad thing to feel vulnerable. It really is normal. I feel so vulnerable when I talk about my problems to my best friends, but I know that they won't judge me and are only there to help. Knowing that makes me feel like it's okay to tell them things and feel like that. I hope that helps :) I wish you the best of luck.

i have fallen out with my best mate but she will not talk to me

If you guys are having an argument, I find that it's best to just be the bigger person sometimes and just make amends. If your friend isn't talking to you then you have to find other ways to tell her that you're done with fighting and arguing. Maybe you can send her an email or send a facebook message. All you can do it basically try. Then after you have to wait and be patient. But, know that after you try, at least you did try. You'll have to wait. It'll stink having to wait, but it's what you have to do.

Hope that helps and best of luck :)

ok i have a problem....there is this girl and she was one of my good friends untill one day her mom calls to complain all these mean thing that i did even though there not true....so what do i do...i cant just not be friends with her! SHES MY NEITHERBOR!!!

Is she not letting you hang out with her? Or is she just complaining?

So you have to wonder why does your friends mother think you did those things? Maybe you can try talking to your friend asking why her mother thinks that. Something had to make her come up with those complaints and if you can firgure that out, you can get closer to solving your problem. Another suggestion is asking your mom to talk to her mom. Mothers speak the same language and it'll be easier if you can get your mom to understand the situation. Do so calmly and be patient. Because you did none of the things she said you did, you should be confident that things will work out. It's not your fault at all and you should be patient for it to get better.

Hope that helps and best of luck :)

The chat disconnected us...do you still want to chat or?

If you need any more help feel free to drop it in my inbox. :)

I watch my boyfriends five year old little girl she tells me no she isnt going to do something and she wont. today she threw a cookies on the floor i thought it was an acident so pick them up. then goes a can of chip... alittle fishy i clean them up again. next goes her pizza and all her food on her plate... this time i catch her she is doing it on purpose. i tell her five mins of time out she says no.... i say it three more times nicely and she says no. i give her a choice time out or bed time she says neither. so i pick her up take her to the bed room i dont loose my temper i do it calmy and tell her i will see her in the morning goodnight then walk out.

she screams kicks throws stuff now i am mad i hear things falling and hitting the wall... i go in tell her to get into bed and go to sleep now. she jumps in bed then she starts kicking and sreaming begging me no bed time.

I decide its way to early for bed but she can sit in there for 15 mins if she is good she can get up and try again.

15 mins later she is till throwing a fit so i say ok 7 oclock go to bed fine with me. finaly she calms down.

but i have had these fits before and the same results the end in bed time or nap time. i would throw it up to her just being tired but it cant just be that they happen 30 mins after nap time when she is wound up.

how do i deal with this with out spanking.. ignoring this behavoir isnt safe or possible... help me......

I agree with the previous advice on getting your boyfriend involved. Although I have some other suggestions.

I wonder...does she listen to her dad? If he tells her to stop does she? If she does then the problem is that she doesn't respect you enough to listen to you. If that is the case then there are ways you can fix it. You can try to ask your bf to tell her to listen to you. Maybe if she is told to listen to you she will. Also, does your bf use the same methods of discipline as you? For example, if she isn't familiar with the concept of a time out then she won't be afraid of one. Ask him what he does to get her to listen.

I would also advise you to not lose hope. It's fun for her to see what she can get away with. It's her job to test the limits. If you give in even a little bit (such as telling her it's bedtime, then deciding it's too early for bed) then she'll only try it again because she'll know you give in. So you have to be consistant and try your hardest to not give in. No means no and if you have to tell her in a stern voice, then so be it. This also goes with her dropping her food. First, give her food that are a easy clean up and give her a little bit. Tell her that if she throws it then she won't get more or that she won't say get the pizza. Another idea I have is to try to put her in a room where there aren't many toys or things she can move around. If she is in a room without this then she will have no choice but to eventually stop.

Also here are some sites that might help:
http://www.parentingideas.org/
http://childparenting.about.com/od/childdevelopment/a/fiveyearoldhome_3.htm
http://www.wholefamily.com/aboutyourkids/child/discipline_13_srqa.html

I really hope that helps! Best of luck!

I just graduated high school a month ago and it's summer vacation where I am now. It's just been bothering me that my close friend hasn't talked to me since then. She's been talking to her other friends on Facebook but she never said hi to me. Maybe I'm paranoid but I'm just wondering if it was weird if a close friend hasn't contacted you in a month. Idk if she just probably doesn't wanna talk, but I also gave her a letter last month that said I thought we wouldn't be friends for long but I was wrong and also stated how important she is to me and how much I love her and stuff. Do you also think I should say hi first? Idk what to do. Please help.

Thanks in advanced!

xoxo
Naomi
16/f

So three weeks ago one of my friends ignored me and three of my friends. We had no idea what was wrong. So finally I confronted him about it. The funny thing was that he didn't even think he did anything wrong. And so now we're all cool again.

So the point of that is that you should most definetly be the first to say hi. In the end it won't matter who said hi first just that you guys are keeping in touch.

Just ask her to hang out or have a movie night or something you guys used to do all the time before.

Hope that helps :)

My mother never really had friends when I was a kid. She just focused on guys and ended up being married 4 times. Now than I'm an adult and married I feel like I'm headed the same way because it seems like I cannot create any sort of friendship with anyone other than my husband.

I feel like I'm behind. Most of the people I know can easily mingle with each other, or have life-long friendships they are involved in. I don't even know how to go about turning an acquaintance into a friend, or what normal friend behavior is considered to be. Can someone give me some advice? I really want to make friends...and have lasting friendships, too!

Once you have doen the things that "Orphans" said I think it would be a smart idea to try to keep up with the acquantices you enjoyed. Keeping in touch is the best way to keep a friendship.

You have to remember that if you act like a great friend, then they will want to be a great friend in return. So that would include calling them up and asking them how things are going, inviting them to other events or even to your home, and helping them when they need it.

Of course notice how they act towards your attension. If they return favors, ask for advice, invite you to other things, then you are on your way to becoming good friends. It's just that everyone you meet won't become your best friends, so if you feel like you and someone won't get any closer then you don't need to put in as much effort.

This will take some times I have had some friends that i knew for 3 years and then i finally became close to them and now i can't imagine why it took us so long to click. So be patient.

And don't forget to smile and be open minded.

Best of luck!

UGH! Ok, so one of my best friends and I just got into a HUGE fight. Like, I have never ever ever told her to fuck off and leave me alone. Basically, she was with this guy last christmas for like a month. She broke it off with him because she thought it was really awkward and wasn't working out. Then for about 5 months, she realized she "still loved him" and was like a pathetic little puppy following him around and always begging him to take her back. During these 5 months, he dragged her through hell and back, dating other girls while claiming he liked her, claiming he liked her but "wasn't sure if he wanted to date her". He was like waving hope in front of her face and everytime she was almost happy, he'd snatch it away. It was terrible because I had to hear about it basically every freakin day :/ So, now they're back together even after all the crap he's put her through, and they're just SO strange. She claims that they're "in love" and they're planning all this stuff about their "future together" and stuff :/ keep in mind, we're only sophmores in highschool... I know some highschool couples make it, but they are both just SO incredibly immature. Well, recently, another of our guy friends started to like her. She keeps telling me this over and over and I said "well that's ok, as long as you don't like him back because you're "in love"". She just gave me this blank stare and said "well I kinda like him...only a little..." I was like what?! You can't just be flirting with other guys when you claim to be "so in love" with your boyfriend...So yeah, fast forward to the fight :/ We were texting about how she got really mad at him because she said "bye" just joking around, and he said "bye" seriously and didn't stop her from leaving (yeah, I know :/ really stupid) so, trying to be a caring friend, I brought up a question... all I said is "Hey, are you absolutely sure you love this guy?" and she was like "Yes. Don't ever question that again" so I tried to justify why I asked that and she goes off about how "everyone is always judging her" and how "a real friend wouldn't have asked that" and stuff like that :/ So I kindof got really mad because, in my opinion, she is just really really really far into denial. I mean, I know I cant really feel what she's feeling, but I am not completely clueless. I've been through a lot of my own personal problems, and I have this deep gut-wrenching feeling that she is going to get REALLY hurt. Anyways, I told her I thought she's in denial about something and she's just being stubborn because she NEVER listens to ANY of my advice, even though I am almost always right about it! And then she said "Well maybe I'll just break up with him because you want me too. Will that make you happy?" and I'm just like "I NEVER said you should dump him! I didn't even say anything remotely close to that! Why are you trying to blame it on me?!" then she starts bringing up all this really really emotionally painful stuff that is very hard for me to talk about and is actually none of her business because she won't ever understand the stuff I went through. At that point, I just told her to "Back the F*** off and leave me the hell alone because you are in absolutely NO position to bring up that particular memory." So yeah, I got her to stop talking to me. I seriously am shaking because I am so angry. If she were here, I probably would have punched her in the face a LONG time ago. I really regret even bringing it up, but I honestly didn't know she would freak out that much about it. I just don't know what to do. Any advice is helpfull. I'm going to guess that some of you will say it's partly my fault, so just give me your honest opinion and help me get through this :( thanks...

I am not going to blame you for the fight you had with your friend. Actually, I'm going to mostly take you side.

I think that you didn't do anything wrong, but try to help you friend. When your friend said "a real friend wouldn't have asked that" I think she was wrong. A real friend would have asked that and a true friend would have answered honestly. I think she is just as confused as you think she is. I think she is trying to sort out her feelings and thinks that people are judging her, when they really aren't.

I think that after you calm down, call her. Ask her to just listen to you before she starts talking. Talk to her about how you aren't judging her, about how you never judge her. Tell her that as a friend you want what's best for her and want her to be happy. Tell her that she should make her decisions on what she wants to do next. That you don't care if she breaks up with the guy or not. Also apologize for telling her to back off and leave her alone. Then listen to what she has to say.

I know you might object to her being with the guy because you don't want her to get hurt,but sometimes people need to get hurt. I guess it's how you learn lessons, through disappointment. Just try to make up and don't give her advice when she doens't want it. I know you want to help, but let her figure soemthings out on her own.

Best of luck with this :)

I have a friend who I'm not sure if I should keep in my life. We've had great times and she can be really sweet and funny sometimes, and other times I feel like it's a bad relationship.

She lies, a lot. I've learned that it's easier to just roll my eyes and not confront her about it, because getting in a fight with her isn't worth it. She says a lot of things that I (and other people) think are complete bullshit. It just gets to be too much. It's not like I lie or exagerate or go on and on about how I have this great life that she has to live up to, so I don't get it.

Lately I feel like she ditches me for better plans and when I confront her about it she tries to turn it around and starts yelling at me. It's like she doesn't have my back at all. She wants to hang out when she needs a ride somewhere, or something like that. She'll call me one of her "best friends" but doesn't treat me like it at all.

Part of me wants to cut her off, but I'll miss what we have and it would be awkward because we have a class together soon and were involved in some of the same things and have some of the same friends. I don't know what to do without causing an argument or mess. I'm just tired of self-centered people right now.

Thanks

I know people like that. The people who sometimes seem to just take and never give. The ones who will ask you for help or for favors, but then not try to help when it's the other way around.

Here is what I do. I be "just friends" with them. I only hang out with them sometimes and I honestly don't ever ask them for help. I know they won't help me, so there is no point. I help them, listen to them, but not expect a lot form them. I hang out with my closer friends and ask them for help when I need. it.

I think you should try that. Just hang out with her sometimes. Don't really expect too much from her in terms of help. I know that might seem mean, but this way you won't set yourself up for disappointment. When she calls you her "best friend" don't take it to heart. A best friend
means different things to different people. Hang out with your other friends. Tell them your problems.

Try that out and I think it will make your life a whole lot easier.

Best of luck :)

Okay, deep breaths as I type this out.
It's very long, but I felt I needed to give all the facts.

16/f
I'd been best friends with this guy since we were seven. We were crazy close. We'd talk about anything and everything, always be around each other, it got to the point where when I went someplace without him, I felt like I was forgetting something. And people would always ask whenever I got somewhere "Hey, where's John?"

Well, you know how things go. We were so connected to each other on a level much deeper than anything you hear teens talking about, that pretty soon we fell in love and crossed that line. And then we REALLY were inseparable. It was so easy, everything was easy. And I loved him. God I loved him so much.

Last year though, everything changed. One of my friends got into a little bit of trouble, and ended up pulling me down with her, not intentionally. She got wasted at a party and didn't want to call her parents, and so she called me. I went to pick her up even though I was only on my permit which was stupid of me, and we got pulled over by the police because I was driving a little fast. He saw my friend, and he also saw an open bottle of beer in her hand. The final blow was when he went to check my license.

I live in a small town: word gets around. And the rumors twist out of control. John's father heard about this mess, but he heard it as: I had been drinking and driving, and I was totally wasted that night, going for a reckless joyride around town. Which was not the case.

I told John the truth and I told his dad the truth, but his dad wouldn't listen to me. His dad has never really liked me for some reason. I was thinking it was because I always had pulled away his son from him, you know, because John spent so much time with me. =\

His dad is a very religious person, very moral and stuff. He doesn't drink or smoke and since his wife died I don't even think he's had sex. And he doesn't ever want John to drink or smoke or any of that stuff either. So upon hearing about that misunderstanding of mine, he forbade John to see me anymore.

You can imagine how devastated I was. I'm barred from seeing John, the guy I'm in love with, my soulmate. I was in such misery, and when I'd be in misery, I'd talk to John. But he wasn't allowed.

But the real hurt came about a week after his father laid down the law, saying I was a bad influence. I caught John at the grocery store downtown and I walked up to him to give him a hug and just have a moment with him, because there were no parents around. But he just looked at me, blankly and turned and walked away before I could reach him. There was no hurt in his eyes or anything. Just a blank stare, nothing like the way he used to look at me.

Another two weeks passed and he had been on a few dates with this girl from our church, well his church now. I don't go to church anymore.

It's been about a year since I've spoken to him, and the only time I ever see him is glimpses of him around town. And we've drifted so far away that sometimes I can't even remember what it was that made us so close.

Okay, deep breaths.

Saturday when I got home from school I had a message waiting for me. It was a friend of mine telling me know that John had been involved in a really bad car accident. He'd damaged his spinal chord and he probably won't be able to walk anymore.

You know that feeling when the world comes to a stop? Here's this boy, my first love who at one point in my life I couldn't breathe without, and now all of a sudden he's hurt, really hurt. And I just can't wrap my mind around it.

It's been so long since we talked. And I'd finally moved on from him, stopped hating him, but never started loving him again. He hadn't even crossed my mind in a month or so. And the whole 10 months I spent trying to get over him, I was thinking about how much I hated him for killing me inside. How much I wanted him to hurt. How much I just wanted to get even with the way he broke me. Did I do this to him? My first thought.

I haven't been able to concentrate all week. I'm sick with grief and fear about what might happen to him. What did happen to him. I can't wrap my mind around it and I'm feeling so confused.

My mind keeps telling me that this is a person who hurt you and the warning flag goes up and says, "You shouldn't hurt this much. Yes, it's bad that he got hurt, but you don't even know him anymore. So just relax, pray and push through."

Then the other side of it, my heart is telling me that old feelings never go away and it's okay to suddenly know that the connection is still there. There's so much running through my mind right now that I can't sort through. It's too heavy. All of it is just way too heavy.

I'm in shock, and I'm being selfish I know I am because here's John, hurt in a hospital bed, and I'll I can think of his my pain and grief.

My friend is taking me to visit him on Sunday. We haven't seen each other in so long, and all that deep history between us...I don't know what to say to him or what to do.
What do you say to a person in this position who once meant everything to you? I don't know what and I don't know how to process all these feelings.

Please, advice. Of any kind.

Wow.

First off, it isn't your fault. You honestly should stop feeling guilty because he did not get hurt because of you. If you carry this false guilt with you it will make you feel worse. So try to realize that this was an accident.

I know that you have been through a lot. I know that you have had feelings of saddness and felt that John wasn't there for you anymore. Now, here is what I would do. I would go to visit him tomorrow. You don't have to even talk to him. Just be there. Ask him how he is feeling and how he is doing. Ask him if he needs something. Try to help, but you don't need to be overbearing.

You have to have patience though. For now, forget the past you to have. Forget the pain that you felt before. Because you see, he needs support from his family and friends. And as much pain as you have gone through before, he is going through some pains of his own. Try to be there for him.

My theory is that if try to be nice and helpful, that eventually he will start to be comfortable around you again. And you know if right now you just try to be a friend, his dad might see your good intentions.

I know it will be hard. It will feel like you are starting from square one, but if you have the right outlook, things will work out.

I hope that helps and I hope that everything works out for you. Best of luck :)

I'm 17f. Last weekend I was sleeping over my best friend's house. We're really close and she knows everything about me. But since we're both religious Jews and our families are too, we're very modest. We never change in front of one another or anything like that. One of us goes to the bathroom and other changes in the bedroom. Anyway, On Saturday I woke up at like 7;30 because I heard a noise. I looked around and saw my friend in her hed. She was on top of the blankets and her p.j. pants and panties were off. She was playing with herself. She must have thought I wouldn't wake up. Anyway I didn't move at all, and sort of squitned so it would look like my eyes were closed but really I could see her. Since her beds are in a L shape design, I saw everything.

I was never sure if she did that, but since I know I do, I figured she must do it too. But it's not something we would EVER discuss. Now I kinda feel guilty for watching her, but at the same time I'm kind of interested in talking to her about it since I don't have anyone I can talk to about that stuff. But I'm afraid she'll be totally embarassed and I might lose my best friend. At the same time, I'm scared because seeing her like that . . .get me VERY turned on. I keep thinking about how she looked and then I have to relieve myself. What do I do? How do I start a conversation about it? Remember in our religious community, sex is NOT and I repeat NOT ever talked about except before marriage.

well don't tell her you saw that. in fact try to forget it about it. You are righ it would be super embarassing fo rher to hear that and especially since you saw it.

but you can still talk about those kinds of things. just start by a little question about something and move on from there. See how she acts and if she wants to talk then go ahead. but remember that what you saw wasn't really something you should have seen so mentioning would not be the best idea.

best of luck.

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