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Five year old wont listen
I watch my boyfriends five year old little girl she tells me no she isnt going to do something and she wont. today she threw a cookies on the floor i thought it was an acident so pick them up. then goes a can of chip... alittle fishy i clean them up again. next goes her pizza and all her food on her plate... this time i catch her she is doing it on purpose. i tell her five mins of time out she says no.... i say it three more times nicely and she says no. i give her a choice time out or bed time she says neither. so i pick her up take her to the bed room i dont loose my temper i do it calmy and tell her i will see her in the morning goodnight then walk out.
she screams kicks throws stuff now i am mad i hear things falling and hitting the wall... i go in tell her to get into bed and go to sleep now. she jumps in bed then she starts kicking and sreaming begging me no bed time.
I decide its way to early for bed but she can sit in there for 15 mins if she is good she can get up and try again.
15 mins later she is till throwing a fit so i say ok 7 oclock go to bed fine with me. finaly she calms down.
but i have had these fits before and the same results the end in bed time or nap time. i would throw it up to her just being tired but it cant just be that they happen 30 mins after nap time when she is wound up.
how do i deal with this with out spanking.. ignoring this behavoir isnt safe or possible... help me......
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The first thing, honestly, that I would do is establish physical dominance. This is easy, she's 5, and the process is as simple as physically not allowing her to do anything. Take her into the bed room, sit down, pull her into your lap, and keep her there. If she tries to fight, gently hold her arms to keep her from hitting/grabbing things. Patiently tell her that she's going to do what you want, or you're going to sit there in the room with her and let her be bored until she falls asleep every night that she doesn't listen to you.
Then follow through.
The second thing is throwing away the bartering. You're being too nice. "Will you do this if I do this" sort of thing. She's 5, you don't bargain with 5 year olds you dictate to them. Again, calmly.
The secret here that you're missing is that you've already shown her that you're scared. She throws her fits because she wants what she wants and it sometimes gets her the results she needs. When she eats, watch her. If she throws the food down on the floor, take the food away and inform her that when she is hungry enough to eat without acting out and behaving badly, that she can ask you if she can eat again.
Spanking is not necessary. You don't have the authority for it to be anything other than a blow, she won't see it as discipline.
One of the best child discipline tools ever invented is the IPOD, by the way. Because it gives you a way to entertain yourself endlessly while you ensure the child is doing what they're supposed to, or bored out of their mind when you sit there through their discipline with them. It also underlines your status as an adult. You aren't punishing yourself, just her.
Last, to counter the negative side, come up with positive rewards for good behavior. All of the "rewards" should be given on the next visit, not the one she's in. You want her to get the idea that being good gets her good things, but you don't want good things to be instant gratification. If you show her that being good all one day gets her something she'll like the next time, that gets her thinking about the future. It can be something simple like going to a park, or something fun like going to a movie or something that she'd like.
Also, if she misbehaves during a reward activity, that should bring harsher punishments. The activity ends immediately, you take her home even if she's kicking and screaming, and you take her right back to that bed room where you sit with her in your lap until she's so bored she falls asleep and you just while away the hours listening to U2 or some other band which will soothe your frustration.
Last, addressing it with the boyfriend is a GOOD idea, but you need to establish your dominance as an adult on your own. She already doesn't behave because he expects her to with you, that likely won't change much.
But, there's a bit of a secret weapon you can employ. Cameras with video recording capacity aren't all that expensive these days. The next time she throws a tantrum, grab the camera and record the whole thing.
Then the next time she throws one, pull out the video and put it on and make her watch it with you. Then calmly explain to her why all of the things she's doing aren't going to get her what she wants, and tell her that if she continues to throw tantrums you're going to record them all.
Match actions to words.
Someone said that you can and should be stern. This is true to a point, but even that shows the kid that she can affect you. 5 year olds are designed to push everything, it's how they grow. That's why adults have to put and adhere to boundaries.
You have to be Everest. Tall, unconquerable, immovable, peaceful. Children read adults like books, not even consciously most of the time, and if she reads that there's nothing she can do to get her way over you, she'll back off and respect that.
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I agree with the previous advice on getting your boyfriend involved. Although I have some other suggestions.
I wonder...does she listen to her dad? If he tells her to stop does she? If she does then the problem is that she doesn't respect you enough to listen to you. If that is the case then there are ways you can fix it. You can try to ask your bf to tell her to listen to you. Maybe if she is told to listen to you she will. Also, does your bf use the same methods of discipline as you? For example, if she isn't familiar with the concept of a time out then she won't be afraid of one. Ask him what he does to get her to listen.
I would also advise you to not lose hope. It's fun for her to see what she can get away with. It's her job to test the limits. If you give in even a little bit (such as telling her it's bedtime, then deciding it's too early for bed) then she'll only try it again because she'll know you give in. So you have to be consistant and try your hardest to not give in. No means no and if you have to tell her in a stern voice, then so be it. This also goes with her dropping her food. First, give her food that are a easy clean up and give her a little bit. Tell her that if she throws it then she won't get more or that she won't say get the pizza. Another idea I have is to try to put her in a room where there aren't many toys or things she can move around. If she is in a room without this then she will have no choice but to eventually stop.
Also here are some sites that might help:
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I really hope that helps! Best of luck!
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bottom line its his kid you shouldnt control your boyfriend on how to do things i had a stepmother like that and i hated it. and again she is 5 i babysat kids like that its annoying you can scream till your blue in the face. i say if she acts like this again get on her level and speack to her like you mean it but not in a mean way and tell her if she does not stop she will sit in the corner for five minutes if she doesnt listen to you or says no you say ok now you have five minutes in the corner and if you misbehave you get no dessert or tv before bed. if you send her to bed like that and shes kicking and screaming you need to tell her that if shes good she will come out early other wise its the end of the world to her. you should watch the nanny lol.
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You need to sit down with your boyfriend and discuss the behavior of the child.
I would set up an award system, Good behavior= Good rewarding and bad behavior = no rewarding. Communicating with your boyfriend is the key to working things out.
If she likes story telling, Then good behavior= Story telling, Movie, Playground etc.
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