Paper_Heartsz's advice column | Paper_Heartsz's Advice About Friendship

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Q: ok. i have 2 best friends who i've been inseperable from since like 4th grade (one of them though since like kindergarten). and now i'm going into highschool. we're always together, (most of the time lol) i can tell them anything, we have so many laughs and fun times together, and i can totally be myself around them, which is great because i'm really shy. but last year, well technically still this year..lol 8th grade.. the one who i haven't been friends with since kindergarten..lets call her Jen. well Jen has been occasionally telling me some stuff about the other friend "Rachel" about how she annoys her sometimes, and stuff like that. ok so i was just talking to my friend Jen online. and this is sort of what she tells me:

she was like: no offense because i know you are really good friends with Rachel but i really dont like hanging out with her. then she gives me all these reasons why. she also telling me that she thinks Rachel has become conceited, and gave me a reason. "she just like acts immature sometimes and tries to be funny when she's not" thats also something she said. "like I'll be her friend and everything.but i definitely don't want to hang out with her a lot in highschool"

so my question is. do you think it is right of her to say this? we're supposed to be BEST FRIENDS, yet she's saying all this shit behind Rachel's back. i don't want our friendship to just die, i mean i have the greatest times with these two girls. high school will be a huge change and we'll make new friends and everything but i don't want it to completely tear apart our friendship. idk i just can't believe she's saying this because i feel like i have the best times when all 3 of us are together and now if Jen doesn't want to hang out with Rachel it will never be the same. what should i do/say to her? do you think it was right of her to say this? if you want the reasons of why Jen said what she said then give me your email and i'll tell you. thank you.

For what your friend is doing 'talking crap behind one of your closest friends' back isn't the right thing to do.

This is what causes drama, most of the time.

But if you ever talk to the girl who keeps talking about your friend, Jen I believe you want us to call her. To tell her she needs to talk to Rachel about this whole problem and to stop trying to get you in the middle of it.

You can't really force her to be Rachel's friend. And you can't really force the group to stick together, though you did say something about "High school is a big change and we'll make new friends."

You can go and make new friends that won't talk about your other friends behind their backs. But you can still hang out with Rachel, and still have good times with her, and still hang out with Jen. Though you three don't have to hang out like you two used too.

But you can still remain friends with the both of them.

But if Jen keeps talking about your friend Rachel. Just tell her you don't want to know, you don't want to be put in the middle of anything or loose friendship with anyone, and just to go tell Rachel how she feels about it NOT you.

Hope I helped, good luck, and have fun in High School.

-Paper_Heartsz

Q: i'm 17. female...me and my best friend *stacy* where always together 24/7 before and after school. then i started summer school. she would come up there and help my mom. well one day she ran into her old boyfriend. started hanging with him. *jon* introduced me to *jason* we started daten. then about a week later stacy leaves jon then jason leaves me. now stay and jason are together. i ask her why she did that she said "s***t happens and to get over it" that really hurt me she was my only and true best friend. now should i be mad at her and have nothing to do with her. or give her a 2nd chance?

-keep in mind when she started hanging out w/ Jon again she changed alot to the point that me and her parents noticed her haveing more attitude and the forbid her to see him but she keep doing it and she is stuck on the fact that she is 18 and she can do what she pleases

Starting off with your best friend, Stacy:
Ask yourself, "if she was a true, best friend, would she have done this to you, though she knows he's your ex, he left you, and now they're together?"

She's not a true best friend at all. I say, don't talk to her for a while, she made a bad choice between you two's friendship, and it sounds to me, she cares more about this guy then you. And that is not what a friend should do, especially if you dated him. So there are consequences for making a bad decsions, especially over a best friend's ex's.

Though she is old enough to make her own decisions and do whatever she so, pleases. Just let her go on with this, she will soon have to realize what you two once had, and misses it.

You have every right to be mad at her, because first off, he's your ex; she's your 'only and true best friend'

I say, invite her over, sit her down and let her listen to you. As a friend she is, she should do so. She should understand that that comment she said to you "Sh*t happens so get over it." really hurt. And that it bothers you that her and this guy are together. And her attitude has totaly changed. Give her examples like "We used to hang out so much, but ever since this guy came into our picture, we've stopped, what happened?"

She should get where your coming from, and look back at what she has done to you, and how you felt about it, if this were to have happened to her.

I wish the best for you two, good luck, and I hope I helped.

-Paper_Heartsz

Q: my (former) best friend made a myspace about how much of a slut she thinks i am!! she even put up photoshopped pictures of me making out with half the guys in school!! what should i do??

I'm truly sorry I'm late at responding.

But the best thing you can do is report it to Tom (The creator of MySpace)
Hopefully she deleted it by now.

Again, Sorry for responding late.
-Paper_Heartsz

Q: well the ppl who i thought were my friends always go put and never bother to call me to ever go but then when they need a ride home they always seem to call me cause i can drive i cant stand it what should i do ? should i get new friends and let them know how i ffeel ....Ill rate!!!

You deffinatly need to go get new friends.
These friends are very immature and just using you just because you can drive (for what I read it seems like they do.)

You should try talking to them, and tell them if they were your friends, they wouldn't call you up just to get a ride, they should call you up to hang out.

Tell them it bothers you how they never call you just to hang out, just for a ride.

You should stop picking them up. Maybe because if you drove them where they needed to be located once, they think it would be okay with you if they just let you do it for them all the time. This needs to stop, and speak out your mind.

Trust me, after you let it all out, hun, they should stop calling you and they can find their own ride(s).

Meeting new people who won't treat you like that is a gift. So go out there and make better friends that they need and deserve you.

Your friends that you 'thought were your friends' can go find other friends, they certainly do not deserve you as a friend. your too good for them.

-Paper_Heartsz

Q: Please Help!!
I am a girl and I am 13 and I have two really good friends but they are mad at me and they dont even have a reason to be. At school they are just ignoring me and doing really mean stuff!
I am so sad and confused I have no idea what to do at all!!
please tell me if i should just stay away or ignore them or try talking again and what should I say!? i dont want to appoligize becuase i am always the one appoligizing and this time it would be for nothing even though they want me to! It sucks i just feel like moving schools I have other friends but those are my best friends
Do you know what I should do?
PLEASE answer I need ADVICE!!

--SOconfused

Dear So Confused,

I have been in your position before. And I know, it's not a fun position to be at.

Basically your friends just want to take control of you, just being mad at you for "no reason," for that what it sounds like to me.

They just probably want the attention, and for you to look like a fool, because you always go back to them and apoligize for something stupid/you didn't do.

This needs to stop. They just want you to feel used or just basically taking control of you.

They know for a fact, if they keep telling you they're mad at you for 'no apparent reason' they just want the attention and for you to cry back to them.

If you keep on apoligizing for things you didn't do, they're just going to repeat the process again and again.

The best thing to do is ignore them, your not they're apoligizer (if that is even a word) and they can't take control of you.

And you can find better friends that can treat you right, and doesn't make you feel like every little thing you did was a problem.

Hope I helped, and good luck!

Q: I have this class and there is this guy that i talk to the entire period. Today we were doing something and we sat at a table and i had my hand out on the table and he put his hand on mine like he wanted to hole hands with me. I have a huggeee crush on this guy.

Would this be a sign of anything?

It can be a sign. But you never know.
Sometimes, people joke around like that. Or they have other different ways of flirting, but this might not be one of them.

This can be a sign. If your basically the only girl he's done it too. Then it is a sign.

But if he's been going out with a lot of girls during your school year, it's called a player.

But if you think he's "The one" then you should make a move on him too, make him know you feel the same way.

But you never know, sometimes guys just do that when they just 'messing around'

But don't start thinking you likes you just because he puts his hand on you. Sometimes they put your hopes up too high when something like this happens.

Just try to hang out with eachother more often, and see if he makes any other signs/moves.

Therefore, you won't be heartbroken at the end, when he was just 'messing around' with you.

What I am basically saying is, just hang out a bit before you start thinking he likes you more then a friend. You know guys will be guys, and mess with girls mind just because they called them 'sexy' and a girl takes it the other way.

but you never know, some guys aren't like that.

Hope I helped. =]
Good Luck!

Q: My best friends boyfriend is transferring schools and they are going to break up on the last day of school because they think its too hard to stay together.. she is crying sll the time and i really feel so sorry for her, but what should I tell her?

Thanks I rate 5s for everyone.

Yeah, she should end the relationship right away before she falls deeper and deeper for her boyfriend.

The more deeper she falls in love with him, the harder it is for her to get over him, and possibly the more she cries.

Comfort her, and tell her that your always there for her, and that you always have a shoulder for her to cry on.

I don't know if this is going to be a good thing to do. But maybe she should call him, or keep in contact. But then the whole thing would repeat again.

You should just be there for her "Guys come and go."

Hope I helped. =]

Q: my bestfriends parents are mean to her..they dont hit her but they call her names and stuff..she called me crying hard and i know she cant take it! and i need to know how to help her..any ideas??

5S FOR ANYTHING SINCE THIS IS URGENT!!

There isn't really anything to do, but just to be a friend to her, and talk to her.

Maybe she should talk to her parents about this.

Tell her that what her parents are calling her, (depending of what they are calling her) aren't true, and that's your always there for her when she needs you.

You should invite her to come over, ride bikes, go to a park. Or just basically somewhere where she won't be hurt of what her parents are calling her.

Q: today was our 8th grade trip to chicago. i was told that i wasnt alowed to go. so i couldnt go and all of my friends went and then they called me on my best friends cell phone and it sounded like they were having a blast.

There's nothing wrong with you.

It's just that you wanted to have fun too. But it's probably cause your friends went and so did your crush.

That's okay, you get to see him sometime in school, right? And your friends too. Just because they went on the field trip doesn't mean they're never going to hang out with you.

But think about it. You didn't have to go to school or anything. You could have gotten a chance to go do whatever with your family.

But you know family comes first, then friends.
I hope you feel better.

Hope I helped =]

Q: so theres this girl in my class who used to be my best friend in elementary school. of course im 13 and we're in 7th grade now. so anyways sometimes shes really nice to me and we have a good time together.. but lately shes been hassling me about my clothing? idk probably just becase i dont buy everything from abercrombie. i have some stuff but i have mostly a variety of clothing brands. so today i had this new outfit which was really cute, and she kept giving me this horrible look and asking me questions about it.. and then she was talking about me becuz of my clothes? i have no idea what this girls problem is, but right now i dont know if i should still be her friend or if i should ignore her..

5's for any answers =]

It sounds like someone is jealous.

You should talk to her about this, tell her that it's kind of bugging you for her giving you looks and hassling you for things you like to wear.

I mean, it's not like she is wearing it, you just like to wear what you like, and want to wear.

But my advice is to just ignore her, maybe she'll get the picture.
Hope i helped =]

Q: my best friend katelyn went out with sam and sam broke up with her to go out with me and she threatend to kill herself but she is over that now and going out with a 15 year old and is only 12 but i am afraid to tell her that me and him are going out she might never talk to me again for lying to her because i told her we were not going out!

No offense, but this is kind of a mean thing to do to your BFF.

But if you really like this guy, then might as well step up to her and tell her about you two being together. There's going to be some drama, and some yelling into this but she should
understand. You know, guys come and go.

Good Luck!

Q: my best friend bethany iz 12 and had SEX with a 14 year old and might be pregnant she asked me to help her but i dint know what to do!-H-E-L-P- PLZ

First of all, your friend must have been CRAZY!
12 years young? and already had sex? What was she thinking?

Anyways, you should have talked her out of it before she even had sex with this kid, if you even knew about this, that is. You should ask her if this guy was wearing a condom, or something to keep her from getting pregnant.

You should tell her to visit her doctor and get a test, to see if she isn't pregnant or get a sexually transimited of some sort.

but she is really lucky to have a friend like you trying to help her out on a serious problem like this.

Q: oaky well me and my bff just got into a huge fight. she asked my one friend if he was Catholic and he said *no im Christian* and she got really upset and called him an effing prejudice. i asked her why and everything escalated and now we arent talking. we got into this big fight about stereotyping and religion. i guess i blew the fight a little bit out of proportion but so did she. now i dont know what to do, i want to keep on tlaking to her but i think its gonna be awkward and we said some mean things, ahh what should i do?

im not going to apologize first bc i didnt really start it.

thanks

You shouldn't really care who started what.

You should talk to her, cause fighting over something like that isn't something what BFF's do. Does she have something against Christians? or something?

If you really care about her and the friendship you two once had. She should apologize for giving you an attitude, and maybe you should apologize for saying mean things to her.

I hope all goes well =]

Q: well you see..its my springbreak right now! yupyup. and my friend that i havent talked to in about a half of year alla sudden called me and was like ohh we really need to hangout this week! and so i was like okay how bout tuesday or whatever..so she said she would call me when she is done with her fastpitch. the only problem is im scared its gonna be awkward since i havent talked to her in forever..and we just all of a sudden stopped talking. i really dont know what to do? im scared she is going to want to come over to my house and there is absolutely nothing to do! i dont want to watch movies..thats boring but we dont have a ride anywhere so we cant go to like the movies or mall or anything and i am not going to take some city bus. i just dont know what to do! she gets kinda bored easily and so i just dont want her to come over and us just sittin here bein like so what do you want to do? i dont know its up to you. like that kinda stuff..any suggestions? since neither of us can drive and both our parents are at work. blahh.. thanks guys! i will rate high! :]

It's okay if you two haven't talked to eachother in like forever!

Just do what you normally do with your other friends. What do you and your other friends do when you're over each other's houses?

Maybe you can go outside. If you allowed that is, and go for a bike ride. Play a board game or a video game. Anything that you two may be interested in. But you shouldn't be scare of what to do. She's just a friend.

What I am basically saying is, do something you do with your other friends. I'm sure this friend is no different from your other friends.

Hope I helped :]

Q: 13/f

i was recently raped and im scared. the guy who raped me..was my bedt friends boyfriend (shes 14 hes 15 turning 16) and im scared. i have nightmares about it and im afraid to go to sleep..i keep getting calls that have perverted breathing for like 15 seconds then he hangs up i havent told anyone..and im SCARED!! he threatend to kill me and my family..what should i do??

OMG! This is serious. Tell someone, tell your parents! You shouldn't be scared. If you tell your parents, then what you are doing is RIGHT! Most importantly tell the police.

This kind of stuff needs to stop. If someone rapes you and threatens you, you right away tell someone. I was in shock when I read this, and when I looked what date this was posted up. I right away started this.

You need to be safe. Tell the police so he can book this guy. It doesn't matter whether it's your best friends boyfriend. You friends can find someone better, then to rape her other best friends.

I'm going to pray for you, that everything is alright, and that this person is in jail right now. Please, I am telling you, Tell someone, ANYONE! An adult, teacher, mom, dad, sister, brother, anyone!

Then when everything is over with, hang out with your family, and get this out of your mind.

Hope I helped :)
Please, message me or comment me & tell me everything is alright

my e-mail is: vot3forpedro@yahoo.com
Hope everything is alright. E-mail me, whenever!

Q: My friend has gone through a lot lately. Her mom had breast cancer and went through kemo. Now her dad has cancer and has to go through kemo. How can I help her and her family?

Maybe all you can basically do to help her is be a really good friend to her. Talk to her on the phone, at school, go to the mall. You know?

Maybe she will realize that maybe everything will be alright since she has a good friend by her side, that really cares about her

Hope I helped :]

Q: ok well i have some online friends right but the thing is we never have anything to talk about all we say is hey and whats up thats it can you give me a list of things to talk about and i only know these people online so like dont say ask them if they want to come over cause they are like not even in the state i live in thanks.
i rate 5s

Just talk about what is in your mind.

Tell them what happened during your day.
Tell them your favorite type of music, that gets them going. Tell them about guys that go to your school, and how everything where you live is. Is it sunny? rainy? you know?

Hope i helped :]

Q:

I got a friend that copies me and now i think she likes the boy i like.

-Amber

What should i do about the copying and then boy liking? I'm not flattered about it either i shouldn't be.

I was in the same situation as you were with my friend.

maybe you should talk to her, and tell her how you feel about her likeing the same guy you like, and probably trying to "steal" your style, and just basically copying you.

tell her that she doesn't have to "copy" you to impress people. She should be herself. Tell her not to be afraid to be herself to no one. And not to change for anyone.

But copying you is not the answer.
she'll understand if she is a good friend, right?

Hope i helped :]

Q: My best friend is over weight. My other freinds and I are all skinny. Well, I found out she is on a diet and trying to loose enough weight to look good in a bathing suit. And I think that's so great and stuff. She sent me this question on Advicenators on what she should do ... I found out it was her and said we should talk. I'm waiting for her to say something to me. i told me two other freinds.. all four of us are BFs. I'm worried she's on a bad diet. She's been overweight her whole life.Should we talk to her about it? I know if we did she would get all offensive. She doesn't dress for her body type and I don't know what to say. Should we talk to her? What should we say? What if she gets mad? What advice could we give her? I WILL RATE 5S!

To me, you must be a very good friend to this girl.

You shouldn't really worry much. But if she starts to act weird, and has gone to the bathroom or hasn't been feeling well lately, or having problems, then that's the time to get worried.

If any of that DOES happen, you should talk about it to an adult, any adult that you could trust. and maybe things could get better for you're friend.

Hope I helped :]

Q: One of my best friend's and I got busted for a drug thing. We know not to do it again, but we got busted by someone's paretns who turned it into ou school.

Now, we're not supposed to talk to each other. But she's one of my best friends ever and I don't know what to do.

So please help. How can I be sneaky and stay friends with her? Any other advice would be appreciated? Thanks so much.

Maybe you should talk to his/her parents about it.

You can say that you're terribly sorry and if your friend's parents are nice enough, they would accept the apology, and knew what you did was a mistake.

Just remember to mention that you will never do it again. :]

I dont know if it was good advice. But I hope it helped.

bio

Basics.

They call me alex
I live with one older brother and two little sisters.
I'm taken and in the 9th grade.
I am my own person. I don't try to copy other or try to fit in the crowd.
I like being weird. People tell me that sometimes, but it's okay.
I could care less who thinks of me as what.
I act like a kid sometimes. But sometimes I have those times where I want to be a treated as a young adult.

Music.

Music is life. Without it, my world would be blue.
I can't really stick to one type of music. Like some people I know.
I listen to basically anything that has meaning, or something I can dance too. Or just love the song.
I love listening to music from rock, heavy metal, death metal, rap, r&b, techno.

School.

I'm in high school.
I have the most awesome friends in the world. Yes, I know your jealous.
I don't believe in popularity or labels.
Popularity. No one is popular. Everyone is the same. Alright? OK!
Labels. Kids, get a life. Don't label, if you don't like it, they don't either.
I hate it when people just basically backstab you, I have a lot of those suckers walking around my school.
I most DEF. hate it when people change just to fit in a crowd, for another guy, or just to get attention.

--

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