tasuki's advice column | tasuki's Advice About Love Life

Kiss somebody and ask them if you did a good job. If they can't look you in the eye and say, "Yes! You're a fantastic kisser!", then you're not good.

-Lea

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Okay i'm 12/f about to turn 13 in 2 weeks =] ! I really like this boy and yesterday i went to his house to hang out and i d k if this is slutty or what ? Well we was over there watching the Grudge and i was just laying by him, then we like moved to the floor and all the sudden he leaned over and we started making out. I like got on top of him and we like started having dry sex with are clothes on. Well he knew my turn on spot is my neck so he was kissing my neck and i just got really in the mood so he rolled over on top of me and we kept on doin it. Well then we stopped cause we heared someone upstairs so we were just laying there. And i let him finger me. And i was giving him a hand job all night !! Like every minute. Then hes like how bout you suck it for meee ? and i was like omg i never sucked one before soo yeah.. but we went downstairs but then we came back up after we did some more stuff.. okay now heres where it gets bad. We were laying on the couch and i like sucked his dick about 3 times and he wanted moreee. but we didn't have a condom . Well he fingered me again and left a huuuge hickey on my neck. Wow thats alot of stuf. Do you think thats slutty and just give me some advice on what i just told you . I feel slutty and guilty and i feel like hes useing me.

"Slut" is a huge insult. I don't think you're slutty, but I do think that you need to be more careful. Don't let guys take advantage of you like this. It's true--he probably was using you. But that doesn't make you a slut! You did what you did--don't have any regrets, because it's in the past now. But if it makes you feel so bad afterward, my advice is to not do it again. You're going to end up hurt, emotionally and probably physically (you don't know what diseases he's carrying!) But don't feel guilty. You made a mistake, everybody does. =)

-Lea

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I'm 18 he's 21. We are thinking about getting married after 1 year together. He has a lot of sexual fantasies of being with other girls but says he can try to forget about having sex with more people and settle down. Is he REALLY ready for marrige?

Whether or not he's ready doesn't have anything to do with his fantasies. Fantasies are just fantasies, and everybody has them. They are actually good--if you can fantasize while having sex, it will actually improve the sex. But I digress. If you truly feel in your heart that either one of you is not ready to be married, then don't get married. But don't let imaginary women that don't even matter ruin what could be a wonderful relationship.

-Lea

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hey guys! i`m not really sure the purpose fo me posting this but yeah.. i am a 15/f and a Christian. i met this guy at church about two and a half years ago. his name is nick. he is the sweetest lil kid. he is one year younger than me and really cute! now i know he doesn`t like me but the other niite he called me and we somehow got on the subject of masturbation and whether or not i thought it was riite or wrong. i told him i didn`t think that it was wrong or anything and it kinda escalated from there. he told me to go to my computer and he sent me some sites of porn and i really liked them. then last niite, we watched tons of law and order episodes together because it had chris meloni in it (one of the guys from the sit he sent me). and then i mastubrated with him on the fone several times and he was too. is this wrong? i really don`t know what my question is so any comments or thoughts would be helpful!

Whether it's wrong or right is your decision to make. You already did it, so there's no sense in feeling guilty about it. But it's perfectly okay to be experimental with your sexuality. However, I think I would be wary of this guy. You like each other as friends right now, and shared a sexual experience together, but sooner or later your emotions will get mixed in. A fourteen-year-old boy is basically just a hormone bomb, and a fifteen-year-old girl is no better. Whether you do this again or not is entirely up to you, but just try to be careful.

-Lea

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Hey,

Im 15, and I still have not had a boyfriend, or hooked up with a guy...

it never really bothered me before but lately it has been.

My best friend since 4th grade (who lives in Texas) (I live in Philly) has had alot more experience with guys than me.

It makes me kind-of jealous, and i dont want to be like...behind her if that makes sense?

alot of girls at my school just give in and do any guy that is willing to do them. There's not alot of people who are in an actually relationship.

I hate my school. All the guys are a-holes.

and i have confidence in myself too i model, im sweet, im funny...

im just really shy.

now im just babbling.

To get to the point I dont want to just hook up with some ass hole who doesnt care about me. But.. i dont want to be prude.

Thanks.

-Anna

You don't want to hook up with some asshole? Then DON'T! It doesn't make you a prude--it makes you SMART. You feel a little insecure right now, and that's normal, because you're judging yourself based on the other girls. Don't. This is going to sound awful, but someday you are going to have a career and a loving relationship, and many of these other girls are going to be living in a trailer with five kids and atleast one STD. And let me tell you something--I'm 18. I've been out with one guy, and it was hardly a relationship. I kissed him. It was my only kiss ever. This happened when I was sixteen. There is no law that says you have to have sex, or have any experience with guys, for that matter. Just enjoy your life for what it is. =)

-Lea

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How does one become the perfect girlfriend? Internally and externally, how does a girl make her guy feel completely fulfilled?
Thanks

If that is your goal, you really need to take a step back and re-evaluate yourself. First, nobody is perfect. You need to accept this before anything else. Everybody has flaws. Second, never go into a relationship thinking you must completely fulfill your partner! Thinking that way will get you taken advantage of, even abused! In a normal, loving relationship, both partners have their flaws. They fight and are not always happy with each other, but they love one another despite this. Relationships do involve sacrifices, but if you are sacrificing everything just so that a guy can be "fulfilled", you need to get out of that relationship! Be who you are. When you love someone, all you need to do is show him that you love him. You don't exist for his pleasure. I really hope that you get this way of thinking out of your head, because so many people let themselves be abused because they want to make their partner happy. A relationship should be equal. And if he really loves you, then, in his eyes, you WILL be perfect. ;-)

-Lea

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Hi all I would like to know how it feels like to be kissed? Anyone can feel free to share your stories with me cos I love listening to these stuff.

Btw, would it be wierd if i just tried it on any one of the opposite sex?

Hard to explain. Physically, it feels like someone else's lips touching your lips. Emotionally, it depends on a lot of things and varies from person to person. My first kiss was awkward, and not that great. Yes, it would be weird if you tried it on just anybody. I didn't like the guy I kissed, and I regretted it for a long time. I suggest waiting for somebody that you actually care about. Even though I've made my peace with kissing this guy (I could've done a lot worse), he is burned into my memory forever as my first. I know it sounds sappy and stupid, but the first kiss really should be special. Just my advice.

-Lea

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Why do people say its special to kiss in the rain?
What makes it diffrent then kissing when its not raining?
Does it feel diffrent or something?.

Thank you
please answer a.s.a.p

Because not that many people go out in the rain, so it's like you're the only ones there. And you don't have the sun blaring down on you, it's nice and cool. And you can like, lick the raindrops from your true love's lips. And rain just smells cool.

-Lea

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I am Thai. 24 years old. Male.

I have been talking to this girl for about 2 months. We have a lot in common and seems like she enjoys talking to me as she laughs at my joke (she sais I am so funny). she always tells me about her stuffs like her works, friends,ect. Most of the times I am the one who call her for a talk almost everyday (I also text to her everyday). She calls me sometimes, but, recently, she asked me like: "why didn't you call me yesterday?" or "Why you call me so late? I'm waiting". I went out with her 2 times within last 2 weeks. Both times were great (just as I thought). I will go out with her again on next week. Today, this morning, she texted to me like: "Thanks for everything you have done for me and for good feelings you have been given to me". These are what happening now.
Let me take you back to 8 months earlier. I met her and I called her just like what I'm doing now. At the time she had boyfriend(s). She talked to me nicely and also with another guys. I think that time she was really flirting to me without thinking of any serious relationship. I asked her to go out several time, but she did not. After I paused talking to her for 5 months, she called me and told me that she broke up with her boyfriend. Thereafter, I have been talking to her again since then.
My questions are:
1) Does she really like me this time or just flirt to me again?
2) What does the SMS mean(Thank you for...)? It sounds like she wants to break up our relationship to me. It really bothers me.
Please advice me. I appreciate for all suggestions. Thanks.

I don't think she's serious. At all. I mean, she flirted with you while she had a boyfriend, possibly more than one. That right there should tell you something about her character--what if she were your girlfriend, and she flirted with other guys? Everything she's done so far shows that she's basically just playing with you. My advice is to end everything with her, because I think you're going to get hurt in the end. You need to find someone better, someone who isn't going to fool around with your emotions. Good luck! ;-)

-Lea

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what does it mean when you're seeing someone? does that mean you're with the person but then you're allowed to date other people?

No. It means that the two of you are a couple. It's the same as "going steady" or "going out" or "are a couple".

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I'm 13/f and women always tell me about how beautiful I am. I also get this from my friends. So if it's true, why don't any guys seem to think so?

Because they're thirteen-year-old guys. They don't know what they want. Their idea of "beautiful" is what they found snooping around on a porno website. Don't worry about it. Be beautiful for yourself first...the guys will start noticing in a few years. Girls mature faster, so right now the guys you know are still little boys. Some of them probably do think you're pretty, but are too nervous to tell you. "Maybe she'll take it the wrong way and sue me for sexual harassment!" they might think, or "If my friends find out that I told a girl she was pretty, they'll think I'm a loser!" So just wait it out for a while--you don't want to waste your time with little boys anyway.

-Lea

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should i date a guy that's somewhat in the military? i like him, but i'm afraid to ..

If you like him, yeah! Why not?

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so this onbe girl i know i liked her a lot but so did all my other friends and,for some reason she liked them as well and my friends modow it "bros befor hoes" but in all this i was the last one to try and get with her so now every one is mad at me, what should i do?

Forget about all of them. Your so-called friends? Yeah. Real friends wouldn't get mad at you for something that stupid. It's your life, not theirs. They all had a chance to go for this girl and didn't, so it's their own fault. Go for her if that's what you want, but I suggest not. I don't think she sounds like a very serious person, since she's liked ALL of those guys.

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My Boyfriends Birthday is comming up really soon and I can't think of anything to get him (hes my 1st b/f so I've never got a guy anything) I can't even think of anything at all please help.

A photo of the two of you would be great, in a personalized frame. You can buy things at Michael's or another craft store that you can use to make a frame. It's not hard--the artistically challenged can do it easily. A scrapbook might be nice too, it's kind of the same idea, but they take MUCH longer. My friend does this kind of thing all the time for her boyfriend, and he loves it.

-Lea

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I go to this camp and there is this girl I like I am 14/m and she is 16/f (I don't care that she is older) the thing is she has told me she thinks I'm hot and I've told her the same thing. She lets me feel her up and we talk most of the day at the camp. But when I asked her out she wasn't so sure because shes older and she said that she had a boyfriend (it seemed like she was using it as an excuse to dodge the question) but then she paused for a second and said she was single but then she game me this really unclear answer and left (it was at the end of the day and her parents came to pick her up so she had to leave). I'm confused, what should I do?

Forget about her. I think it's pretty clear that she's using you for her own physical gratification. Thinking that somebody is hot and feeling them up are not the same as loving or even liking a person. It's not a good basis for a relationship. The fact that she lied to you shows that she doesn't want a relationship. There are better girls out there, go find one.

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Hey... ok, this question is crazy so don't say I didn't warn you.

I think I'm looking for opinions more than advice... and I want to hear what you all think!!

Ok, I am a 20 year old female and I am about to start my third year of college. I have a boyfriend that I have been with for about 3 years. We actually went out for 2 years, then broke up for 8 months because I didn't want a relationship, and have now been back together for a few months. He is deffinitely the love of my life, and we intend on getting married in the future.

Why in the future and not now? Well, he recently joined the army and will be in it for the next 4 years. He is now stationed across the country and is going to Iraq for a year soon. He visits as much as he can, and we have no problems making the relationship work. We always talk about getting married in 4 years, because that is when he will get out of the army and I will be finishing up college.

So what is my question about? Well, we got to talking the other day, and the idea of us getting married NOW came up. The reason this even came up is because if we do it now, he will get payed twice as much for being married and in the military. Not only that, but I will also be able to get on his health insurance plan provided by the army. And lastly, the army would pay for my last four years of college... and because I am not eligible for financial aid, that would save us about 150,000 dollars in loans (after interest) once I am graduated.

If we get married now, there would be no ceremony since it's too last minute... he leaves for Iraq in 2 months. We would just sign the papers and be legally married. In your opinion, is this a mistake? Is it selfish or in bad taste? We both intend on getting married to each other, and we both love one another and have faith in the relationship. If we get married now, we intend on having a big ceremony in a year or two. What do you think? I mean if we are getting married anyway and love each other, shouldn't we just do it now and make our lives in the future easier?

All opinions are welcomed and appreciated! Thanks! :)

I can't say for sure if it's a mistake or not because I'm not the one getting married--this is entirely your choice, and you have to follow your instinct on it. You don't know for sure that it will make your lives easier in the future (note: once you're married, that becomes "life". Cool, huh?) because really, you don't know what will happen. But if it were me in this situation, I would seize the day and get married now! It seems like you're ready. It is selfish--that's the point of getting married! You're not doing it for your mother or a group of homeless orphans, you're doing it because you love each other! But I don't think it's in bad taste, a lot of couples do this when one of them is going into the military. The main reason, I'm sorry to say, is because you really don't know what will happen. In Iraq, I mean. But even if it was in bad taste, it's not anybody's business but yours and his.

Hope it works out for you,
Lea

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hi. im a 15 year old guy and i like this 15 year old girl..we r great friends and i feel like we can be more but she doesnt..ive talked to her about it before and i want to send her a song link...would For You I will by teddy geiger or Broken by seether be a better choice...thanks so much in advance

I'm sorry, but I don't think you should send her a song. She's already told you that she doesn't think of you that way--trying to force it will, in the end, hurt both of you. If you want to have a talk with her, go ahead and talk with her, but don't send her a song. It will make her feel really, really awkward.

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(soory this is so long)Well me and my boyfriend where talking on the phone last night about "stuff" and i asked him if he ever looked at his ex-girlfriends boobs when they were going out and he said once or twice so then i asked him what was going through his head when he looked.he kept saying no your going to be mad at me(a while before i asked him if he thought my boobs where big and he said yes they were nice and i asked him has he ever looked at them and he said yes but just a peek so then i asked him what was going through his head and he said nothing was gouing through his head)okay well back to present times he finnaly answered me and said he was thinking damn!i asked him what that meant and he said it meant WOW.i dont know why but i started to cry not poring but red eyed.i didnt say anything but he kept saying its okay whitch i couldnt understand why he kept saying that but it was making me mad.he told me he never really liked her and he liked mine better.i dont know how to think about this.could he still like her even though he said he doesnt.could i be jelous.i need advice.please help.thanx

Well, why did you ask him? It sounds to me like you were sort of trying to get him to say what he did. He didn't want to answer because he knew it would upset you, and he was right.

Now, the fact that he likes his ex-girlfriend's breasts isn't a problem. Breasts are very attractive. You shouldn't be jealous of her, because she's his EX-girlfriend. He could fantasize about your breasts or hers, but in the end, he's with you. The reason he said that nothing was going through his head was so that you wouldn't get upset, but the truth is that he probably thinks about sex several times each day. There's nothing wrong with that--it's completely natural!

You were crying. He was trying to comfort you. And this made you angry? Girls sometimes cry when there's really nothing, when we just need to vent our frustrations. Guys don't get that. He thought that you were seriously hurt by something, so he was trying to make it better, when really you were just frustrated. There's no reason to be angry at him for being nice.

You need to stop concerning yourself with his ex-girlfriend. Like I said, she's his EX, and you're his girlfriend. Don't play mind games with him--asking him a question and leading him to believe that it won't make you upset, even though it will, is just that: a mind game. In the future, don't ask things if you can't handle the answer.

Don't worry about it! Your boyfriend cares about you. You both just need to work on communication is all. It's not a big problem. =)

-Lea

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I'm sixteen years old, I'm a virgin, I've never kissed a guy, and I've never had a boyfriend.

I feel like if I don't do these things soon, I'm never going to do them. I feel like everyone around me is so experienced in all those things and I'm still just a kid. I've gotten really depressed about it because I feel like no one wants me.

Am I alone in this?

Nope. I went through it. I got my first kiss at sixteen, but I'm almost eighteen now and haven't had any since then. Never had a serious relationship, either. It's fine. Go at your own pace. Here's a tip--we act like we're not worth anything if we haven't had a relationship or kissed somebody or what have you. Try your hardest to stop thinking that way! Is there a little child that looks up to you? Have your parents ever said, "Our child is so smart and responsible!"? Has a friend ever said, "I can really count on you."? Those are the types of things that you should be focusing on. Trust me, it will get your mind off "What if I never have a boyfriend?" And it will make a big difference in your attitude, which people do notice! A nice guy will probably take notice of it, and you could get a boyfriend without really trying!

Don't stress it. =)

-Lea

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I`m 15/f and im inlove with a 19 year old. It`s not that much of a difference but some people think it is. My parents wont let me see him because of his criminal record / past with drugs. What should I do? How can i find ways to be able to see him?
Ive never felt so special in my life and im so happy when im with him. sometimes when im in the car with my parents I start crying cause they dont understand how much i love him and they dont care.
how can i sneak around and find ways to see him please help me!

If you're the type who gets upset when people don't tell you what you want to hear--DO NOT read any more of this. Don't rate me, don't comment, just ignore this. Because I'm going to tell you what you should do, and it's the exact opposite of what you want to do.

When you go out with a guy, you have to look at certain things. You'll always know that a good guy is good and that a scumbag is, well, a scumbag. The age difference isn't very much at all, and that's not what your parents are objecting to, it seems. Their only problem with him is a criminal record and a past with drugs? That's perfectly fine thing to have a problem with! These are more than just warning signals! So you're happy when your with him. That says nothing. A complete stranger could come up to you and give you a hug, and you would feel happy and special and safe--it's a natural reaction. I could tell you that you're the prettiest girl in the world, and that I'm the only one who understands you, but that doesn't mean I love you. You stay with this guy and you're going to get into more trouble than you can handle! Already you want to sneak around. That's really sad, I think. You have a relationship with your parents that is built on trust, and sneaking around is going to break that trust. Your parents DO care, that's why they don't want you to see this guy! Strong as you may think you are, you are capable of being hurt. And whatever happens to you, your parents will feel that pain tenfold. I sincerely hope you listen to this. There are better men out there. Just keep searching.

-Lea

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