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You've never read a question like this before
Hey... ok, this question is crazy so don't say I didn't warn you.
I think I'm looking for opinions more than advice... and I want to hear what you all think!!
Ok, I am a 20 year old female and I am about to start my third year of college. I have a boyfriend that I have been with for about 3 years. We actually went out for 2 years, then broke up for 8 months because I didn't want a relationship, and have now been back together for a few months. He is deffinitely the love of my life, and we intend on getting married in the future.
Why in the future and not now? Well, he recently joined the army and will be in it for the next 4 years. He is now stationed across the country and is going to Iraq for a year soon. He visits as much as he can, and we have no problems making the relationship work. We always talk about getting married in 4 years, because that is when he will get out of the army and I will be finishing up college.
So what is my question about? Well, we got to talking the other day, and the idea of us getting married NOW came up. The reason this even came up is because if we do it now, he will get payed twice as much for being married and in the military. Not only that, but I will also be able to get on his health insurance plan provided by the army. And lastly, the army would pay for my last four years of college... and because I am not eligible for financial aid, that would save us about 150,000 dollars in loans (after interest) once I am graduated.
If we get married now, there would be no ceremony since it's too last minute... he leaves for Iraq in 2 months. We would just sign the papers and be legally married. In your opinion, is this a mistake? Is it selfish or in bad taste? We both intend on getting married to each other, and we both love one another and have faith in the relationship. If we get married now, we intend on having a big ceremony in a year or two. What do you think? I mean if we are getting married anyway and love each other, shouldn't we just do it now and make our lives in the future easier?
All opinions are welcomed and appreciated! Thanks! :)
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If you are getting married because you want to get married then I say do it. All the other stuff is just a plus. If I was to get married again I wouldn't have another big wedding because you never know what is going to happen in the future. My advice is to get married now and if ya'll make it for the 4 years have a really big wedding then because if the two of you make it through him going into the military and not seeing each other then it really is meant to be. GET MARRIED GIRL!!!! If it is what you want GO 4 IT!!!!! I send you my best wishes to you and your boyfriend and if you do go through with it Congradulations
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I think if you both really love each other, the there's no reason to wait. Get married now and you have the rest of your life to have the perfect wedding. Follow your heart and everything else will fall in to place.
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my opinion/advice depends on a few factors. i mean obviously getting married right now has a lot of benefits. and as you asked if it was selfish it depends. i mean if your getting married mainly because of the fact that ur college will be paid for then i would say it might be selfish. but if if the both of you truly love each other and have a passion for each other and their are some benefits that help especially for your college and money problems then i say go for it.
i wish you the best of luck!!!!!!!!!=]]]
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Since you have planned on marrying anyway I don't see a problem with it. As a matter of fact I think it could very well be a good idea.
Since money is one of the biggest causes of divorce, why go into it in 4 years owing a bunch of college loans or God forbid medical bills?
I think it is a good idea. It will help your future. Who needs a big wedding anyway. Just another bad way to start a marriage in debt up to
your eyeballs!
If you both want it, I say go for it. :)
Congratulations.
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I can see where you are coming from. I am a marine wife for all of 3 months now. Life is definatley easier being married. We were already together but struggling through everything (we were engaged the whole time) then decided to push up the date which ment we got married at the justice of the peace. It sucks that I didn't get the wedding a girl always dreams of but none the less I still have the man I always dreamed of and can say he's my husband. With your boyfriend going to Iraq I would think it would be easier on him knowing yall were married kind of like a assurance that his WIFE is right here waiting on him ya know. I say go for it. You only live once, might as well be happy while your here!
~Additional~ thanks so much for the feedback, it definately made me smile :)
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i think that if you got married now,it would help out a lot in the future.with all of the benefits from your boyfriend being in the army, you could save a lot of money and someday, when he comes back from iraq,have a big wedding party with all your friends and family.even though getting married isnt about the benefits you get when you marry someone, you said that you love him, so you wouldnt be marrying him for those reasons.if it feels right to both of you to just legally get married for now, and then later have a ceremony, then i think you two should go for it.it wouldnt be in bad tast or selfish if you wanted to get married sometime anyways.
good luck!if you do get married now, i hope all turns out well!
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personally i think, that if you think that you're really going to want a short wedding, just sign the papers and get it over with. But, if you think that you can wait and want a big wedding and party with all of your friends and family go for it.
I hope that i was helpful!
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Both ways I think are good. If money is really tight then I would seriously consider marrying him now. A downside to this though would be you would have to wait another 4 years to have the ceremony which could seem like a very long time. Also, if you were to get married now there is still a chance things might not work out. Think about it, he will be away in the army across the world for 4 years. I hate to say it but things could happen and if you were married it would probably make it harder.
If you wait, however, your marriage would probably seem more special and you guys could take your time and have a special wedding and not need to rush things. Marriage isn't something you rush into and it requires a lot of thinking about.
Overall, if I were you, I would probably get married after he gets back because it would make things all the more special. Money isn't everything and when it comes to love, it is all worth the wait. Trust me, it will be much more enjoyable if you guys hold off and make it really special. Good luck to the both of you.
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I can't say for sure if it's a mistake or not because I'm not the one getting married--this is entirely your choice, and you have to follow your instinct on it. You don't know for sure that it will make your lives easier in the future (note: once you're married, that becomes "life". Cool, huh?) because really, you don't know what will happen. But if it were me in this situation, I would seize the day and get married now! It seems like you're ready. It is selfish--that's the point of getting married! You're not doing it for your mother or a group of homeless orphans, you're doing it because you love each other! But I don't think it's in bad taste, a lot of couples do this when one of them is going into the military. The main reason, I'm sorry to say, is because you really don't know what will happen. In Iraq, I mean. But even if it was in bad taste, it's not anybody's business but yours and his.
Hope it works out for you,
Lea
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I would wait a little while just 2 c how everything in iraq goes like a couple of months a year in the latest.
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