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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
I have been taking YAZ birth control pills for a long time and I heard a commercial for a lawyer saying that YAZ has BAD side effects and can even kill you! They said if you have ever taken it to call their law firm and talk to an attorney right away because there is a "class action" lawsuit against YAZ!
I didn't get the phone number or website because I was so in shock and I haven't seen the commercial again so can anyone tell me who I should call about getting legal help? And what good is legal assistance if I am dead? Can you really die from taking birth control pills? They said blood clots and cancer and stuff. :(
I am scared! Help!
Signed terrified yaz user!
The Answer
All birth control carries some health risks (that's why you need to see a doctor to get a prescription, and most doctors require a three month check-in while using BC).
Yaz, just like ALL hormonal birth control, comes with a small risk for blood clots, pulmonary embolism, heart attack and stroke.
However, overall risk of blood clot/stoke/ectra. from any birth control method remains extremely small and doctors don't recommend against using birth control unless you know you are already at risk of stroke or clotting from another condition.
Thousands of people having been suing Yaz since 2005 - with no success yet. It sounds to me like a trumped up case, meant mainly to make the lawyers money and to shame young women and make them afraid of sex and birth control.
If you are really worried, the hormone that people are blaming for Yaz being worse than other Birth Control Pills is called drospirenone. Ask your doctor to switch you to a pill that doesn't contain drospirenone. In the end tho, you need to remember that the stuff you put in your body (caffeine, sugar, drugs, birth control pills) ALL carry some really small risks - the trick is deciding what risks are so small, that they make it worth it to continue. The vast majority of doctors agree, that for the vast majority of women, the benefits of birth control vastly outweigh the small risks.
The best thing you can do is get regular checkups and be honest with your doctor - that way they can tell you if the risks for you are different than the risks for the majority of people.
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The Question
Hi all... Here it is I have been with a guy for 6 years,recently just got engaged. We have has issues around drinking but they were never addressed I always looked past it - finally I have met someone else and decided to call it quits - this guy is wonderful I actually thought he was my soulmate. He takes care of me and life with him would be so different and stress free financially. Since I called it quits now my finance or whatever he shall be called at this time has decided he wants to change, not drink , be affectionate what I have always wanted. He always has a little 5 year old who I have. Know since infancy. Looking on some advice here ... Do guys ever really change , The new guy is head over heals for me and weI think deep down we r soulmates. Not sure what to do from here go and try living an awesome life or stay here out of guilt bcuz he is trying - also financial stability is ok. Please give advice ! I want to get married and have a
Child soon and now it'll be put off even longer ! When I am with my finance I feel nothing anymore but I feel if I tried I could make it work- I just don't wsnt to make the wrong decision..
The Answer
Anyone CAN change, and some people do.
Was your breakup the wake up call he needed?
Or is he just game-playing?
Is he actually on the path to real change?
No way to know. None at all. He probably doesn't even know. Only time will tell.
So the question really is, where do you want to put your energy? Do you still feel enough to try and make it work with your long-time partner, or have you already moved on? No one call really answer that question for you. If you think you've found your soulmate in this new guy, that is not something most people would consider giving up. But if the drinking was really all you needed to have changed so you could stay with the man you've invested so much of your life into... well, that's a lot to leave behind.
No easy answer, but also no really 'wrong decision' either. You do what you think is best and then you find out if it is or not. Same as with everything else in life.
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The Question
Alright... There are a lot of things that go into this. I'm a 17 1/2 year old Senior in high school. I am a little overweight and have some very deep personal insecurities. In August 2010, I met someone on an online game and started talking to him. We got together in December of that year, and just passed our one-year mark. I've never met him in person, mostly because he's 22, and he lives across the country. For this Christmas I asked for a plane ticket. Yeah, I know what you're probably thinking; I'm crazy for wanting to do that. Granted, I've heard about the stories, and I'm NOT the kind of person that jumps into everything. I won't do something unless I have full confidence in it. I know he's not like those horn dogs people always talk about because he's just not like that. I know for a fact that he's different because of how he talks to me; I've talked to 'those' kind of guys before, and I knew not to get involved with them because I knew what was on their mind. But he's different. The things he's experienced in his life has made him mature and the kind of person that didn't lie and was a fighter. Ever since 7th grade I've been dreaming of having a boyfriend. I've never had one, never been kissed, literally nothing. I've thought about how my parents would feel and I acknowledged them on that, but they won't even try looking at my side of the situation. They don't know how much I've been hurt over the years or how deep my insecurities really go. I know for a fact that if I was able to fly out and visit him that I'd be much happier. I wouldn't stay there because I know now is not the time to do that. But if I could just see him, just for a couple days, they don't know how happy that'd make me. I practically poured my heart to my mom last night crying and telling her about how horrible I've always felt, and also that since I've met him just talking to him has helped; unlike them. They don't trust my word that he's different. I know I'm still young, and I really do appreciate how they are feeling, but at the same time I want to prove to them that he's a good guy and that I can do this. I know a lot more than they think I know and I'm a very thorough person when it comes to important matters like this. They will say one thing, I'll give them proof why they're wrong, then they switch to another excuse until it comes down to "There is no reason; It's becasue I said so!" Really, I don't ask for things often because I've only ever wanted one thing; and like I said, they aren't even willing to consider my point of view. I understand their concerns. But I want to reassure them that it's ok and to give him a chance and trust my word that I trust him, because I know I can.
The Answer
You know what, even if you are right, even if he is the perfect, wonderful guy you hope he is, even if you would be so happy to see him and everything went smoothly and wonderfully it would still not be worth the risk to do what you’ve proposed. It wouldn’t be worth the risk if you were thirty years old.
When I put myself in your parents shoes, no matter how responsible and sensible I think my 17 year old daughter is, no matter how certain she is, no matter how she begged or suffered, I would NEVER willing send her across the country where she knew no one but a single, adult male, stranger. If she thought that was a good idea, I would not be able to trust her judgment on the matter. They can’t trust you when you make such a glaringly, unwise suggestion. If I couldn’t make my daughter understand why, no matter what she felt, that was not an acceptable thing to do, I would have to pull the parent card and say “No because I say so.”
I’d be a lousy-ass parent if I sent my 17-year-old daughter to stay with a stranger she meet online. Fuck. Such a parent should be jailed for neglect and endangerment in my opinion.
I am twenty-six myself, and if I guy I meet online, even had an extended online relationship asked me to travel across the country to meet him and stay with him, I would say “No. Not worth the risk. You can come here, and stay in a hotel. I’ll help pay, but that’s the deal. I’m a single woman living alone, I do not compromise my safety for anyone, and if you love and respect me, you’ll understand why this needs to be done this way.”
I can respect your point of view and your feelings – it’s possible your parents do as well – but they still feel they must pull the parent card on you, because the choice to travel, alone, across the country as a young woman to meet a man you’ve only interacted with online, is not a sane choice. Not ever. Not even if you are absolutely, 100% right about how wonderful he is.
You would have been far better off suggesting they contribute too or buy him a ticket, and invite him to be a guest in your family home. That would be have been a much more sensible approach.
Maybe it's not too late to discuss him coming to you... That would certainly be a suggestion deserving of more trust and respect from your parents.
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The Question
Ok...I decided to accompany my daughter and her father to a mini-christmas vacation and so we were about to eat dinner (reminder: with my ex). So I tell him "Are you happy we are here!" and his response is "Well, I am paying for it" with a certain attitude. I gave him 250.00 from his child support to help "US" with the trip expenses. I got upset and told him I would pay the 40.00 bill for the dinner. I did tell him those types of comments were totally uncalled for. He was amazingly upset saying I had twisted all his words around. It completely reminded me why I got a divorce in the first place, but I want to understand and get another man's perspective or woman's....did I over react...was my reaction uncalled for. I don't know please let me know.
Female 36 years old
The Answer
There really isn't enough context here...
His comment was unnecessarily rude, although, it also might not have been intended quite the way you took it.
Your ex might not have 'deserved' the benefit of the doubt, but with a young daughter at the table, it wouldn't have hurt you to be the bigger person, and pull him aside later to express calmly why that comment was inappropraite.
I don't think you were wrong to call him out on that behaviour, but I do think you went to an extreme. There was probably a better way, for your own peace of mind and your daughters, to discuss his negative comment.
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The Question
We have been together for a year and a half. I caught him with a tagged account which had numerous conversations where he was flirting with girls. We talked everything over, and he explained that he was not trying to get with the girls. Because I had danced with a guy at a party we went to, he decided to start getting on the website to make himself feel better. To uplift his self esteem. Another reason why he explains he did it was because I always accuse him of wanting sex every time he kisses or touches me. Anyway. He promised to stop with the talking online. Just recently I happened to find another account on Google plus, where he was writing comments on girl's pictures. Initiating that he wanted to talk to them. He says that they never responded to him. They are girls from different states. They are famous (I don't recognize any of them) and he did not do it to cheat or get with them. He understands that I didn't do anything wrong, and that it was wrong for him to do it.He says I push him away when he comes and sees me too much.This hurts him. He says he's had many chances to cheat but he hasn't. He has not cheated on me with girls in real life. He doesn't cheat. Just because he loves me too much and I'm his first love everything that I do hurts him. The online thing is his escape. He feels he can drop it. He did it so it would make him feel good every time he felt like I was going to leave him.He says I'm the only person that can actually make him happy. I think this is very contradictory because if I were, he would not be on there. My plan is to break everything off. I feel disrespected. I feel like I'm not good enough for him and that is the main reason why he did this. Not once, but twice. I count this as cheating. I don't know how else you guys see it. I think it's time to end the whole relationship. I don't even want to try because I feel like he is going to find better ways to keep on with his ways. I think he just needs to find someone that can make him feel happy, and that person is obviously is not me. He says he loves me and that he wants to work things out and to help him change, but I don't think he can change. I just want out.
The Answer
If don't have faith in him, can no longer trust him and want out, then there is really no point of view that matters much. If you are done, you are done. Doesn't matter why. Doesn't matter if this is 'really cheating' or not. If you are finished in this relationship, then you are finished.
And I'd agree with you, not so much because of the behaviour online itself, but because of how he has responded to it: A man who blames you, repeatedly, for his dishonesty, who pretends that if only you behaved perfectly he wouldn't go trolling online for female affection, is not someone who is capable of taking responsibility for their own emotions and behaviour and being a good partner.
I wouldn't necessarily call it cheating, but it is a form of dishonesty and betrayal that he does not seem interested in stopping.
He probably can change, but you don't seem interested in waiting around for that or risking that he doesn't - and that's okay. You don't have too.
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The Question
I am a 21 year old girl and I work with a gay man that is about 4 years older than me and is much higher up in the company (I work part time just for money on the side until I graduate in May). Before I begin I want to say that he hasn't done anything wrong--I am leaving the company in a week because I won't be able to work next semester so there's no issues with that.
We have met and talked several times. He has told me about his long term boyfriend (he calls his husband)every time we spoke. They recently broke up and we went out for a drink last night (started out friendly)--neither one of us was drunk the least bit. Long story short, we ended up sleeping together. Afterwards, he stayed over and we just talked and such.
The whole thing was so weird but I've always been attracted to him but I always knew he was gay. But now I know he's attracted to me in atleast some way. I've never had a "one night stand" before but for some I know he wasn't just using me. After everything happened, he had his arms around me, he kissed me on his way out, and we just had a great time together.
Also, HE IS THE ONLY MAN TO EVER GIVE ME AN ORGASM!! He finished pretty quickly (which is another reason I know he was really attracted to me--or atleast really enjoyed himself) but he did amaazzzing things afterwards which I was surprised about because he once said that he has never slept with a woman.
Anyhow, I really want to pursue this man but I'm not sure how and I have many fears. I feel as if he does have feelings for me but I also know he doesn't believe in being bi (so he has told me). So, I am very confused about last night. And if we do end up dating, I'm afraid that I will just be his crash test dummy to test if he is straight or gay. I don't even know how to bring it up to him. Please help!!
The Answer
You can't actively pursue this man. It would be disrespectful based on what he has told you about himself, as well as unwise professionally.
So no ‘pursuit’ - but do have an adult conversation. Tell him you’d like to have a conversation. Go ahead and say “We need to talk.” cause that is what is it is. Tell him about what you are experiencing, and do it calmly and directly. No game playing. No flirting in the office. No bullshit.
Tell him you are developing feelings for him and that you don’t want to miss the chance to make sure he doesn’t feel the same way.
Do not tell him he isn’t gay. It’s understandable that might be your opinion, but you aren’t the one who gets to make that call. Don't ask him 'what does it mean?' - he might not know. Don’t tell him what he felt, or feels, what he likes or might want. Ask him what he thinks. What he believes. What he feels. And be honest about what you feel, and what you’d like to do next.
The most he can say is ‘No Thanks’ which will hurt like hell, but will pass. At least, if he does say no, you wont have tarnished your professional image or acted like a fool.
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The Question
I am a 13 year old girl and my freind is 11 all of the
sudden she likes a 16 year old is that right is she to younge
another thing our moms say we are to younge to date is that true??
The Answer
Yes.
She is far too young to date a sixteen year old.
A sixteen year old has COMPLETELY different expectations and desires than an eleven year old. They CANNOT be on the same page about what a relationship means or does.
More important, sexual or romantic contact between an eleven year old and a sixteen year old would qualify as pedophilia in several states and sexual interference of a minor in most others.
If she goes behind your mother's back and sees him, your mother would be well within her right to call the police.
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The Question
Hi, 19/f.
I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half, we have protected sex.
For some reason, sex hurts me. NOt all positions, just some.
For example, when I'm on top of him and I'm basically bent over him, it doesn't hurt.
But when I'm sitting straight up, or leaned back alittle, a sharp pain happens, and it doesn't go away until I either get off of him, or lower myself.
When he's on top of me, and I put my legs up in the air, it hurts; but when I lay my legs out and not up, it doesn't hurt.
I just don't understand how come it hurts me? I wasn't a virgin when we first started dating, and he's not like super big. He's probably 7 1/2.
Any help? Should I be concerned?
Btw, last time we had sex was Wednesday, and we used a condom, of course; and I was on top and he pushed me up where I was kind of leaning back, and the pain hurt so bad, I started screaming and crying; idk whats going on?
The Answer
No, you shouldn't be worried if this is the only time you experience pain.
The average penis is longer than the average vagina is deep. He doesn't have to be all that big, it's basic biology. You are describing moments when he is deepest inside you and if your boyfriends penis is pushing agianst your cervix - that's gonna hurt! It just will.
The only thing I can say to you is don't do something that hurts you! It's not worth it. We're not all porn stars. Our bodies can't do everything we see in the movies, and if you bruise or wound youself internally, the pain will only be worse.
Do what feels good.
You might want to mention this pain at a regular check up (cause you are a sexually active adult women, so you should be getting regular checkups right?), but it's unlikely that it's abnormal or problematic.
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The Question
Okay well let me start off to say im 16 years old and I haven't had a boyfriend in two years after I broke up with a guy after a year relationship. The guy he was and usually what I go after is I guess like a jock you can say, but they always end up being a asshole. However, that's the kind of guys my dad like to see me with too. One whose out going, athletic, and all of that kind of traits. I been told that I'm really pretty not trying to sound concieted, but this goes on with my story. Anyhow there's this guy I went out with a few times. His totally not what I'm use too what so ever his more like the nerdy side I guess you can say. He met my parents today and of course I can tell my dad didn't like him so much. I have fun when I'm with him though and maybe being different is a good thing, but at the same time I feel like I can do better. I don't want to lead this kid on though thinking he has a chance which I don't even know if he might. It's kind of like the movie she's out of my league and that's what I keep telling myself. Maybe I should give him a chance, or what?
The Answer
Nope. Don't 'give him a chance' if you keep thinking you can do better - No one wants to be a pity date.
If you think you can do better than him because he's a nerd, and you are a pretty girl who can snag a jock, then you aren't ready for him - not that he's not 'good enough' for you - you aren’t ready to leave the high school bullshit behind when choosing a romantic partner. You can't, or don't want to, make that leap yet.
And that’s okay. You are sixteen. You are allowed to still be deeply involved in the high school bullshit - you are still in high school after all. It’s not necessarily a bad thing to take your dad’s opinion to heart either.
Someday might like a ‘nerdy guy’ enough to get over the status nonsense and go for it.
But you aren’t there yet. So end the relationship. Anything else is leading him on, and pretending you are someone you aren't. It's not respectful to date someone you think is beneath you.
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The Question
To start this off, I'm a 16, almost 17, y/o girl. For more than a year now I've been on and off with a guy who is 18 right now. We're very close but, honestly, he is not the smartest person. We argue a lot because of it. He's threatened to kill me face to face one time because at a time when we weren't dating, I had sex with someone he knew. He was on probation over the summer because he has a problem with smoking weed. Don't get me wrong, I've smoked a lot with him before. BUT he was being drug tested and he promised me that we would both stop smoking together. He broke that promise and lied to me about it. I kept it. I'm not going to keep rambling on,
so to sum it up, I do feel a lot for him. That only might be because of how much we had sex or how much we were alike though. I really don't know. I really want him and can't let go. It makes me cry.
A few nights ago I started dating another guy. A really nice, shy type of guy. I thought it was great... a way to escape the one before. But it just isn't the same. I'm tearing up right now because I feel like I don't want this relationship... I want my baby.. my love back.
But I don't even know if it was love.. I don't know. Everyone calls me stupid and all my friends hate him because they know what he does to me.
My dad doesn't even know I still talk to him. I got in trouble a year ago with him and I'm not even supposed to be talking to him. But I have been anyway. And I hate lying but I just crave him..
I don't know if anyone cares enough to read this, but I just wanted to get this out there. Please, what am I supposed to do?
I don't want to be known as stupid... Why do I want him so much? After everything. Thanks in advance.
The Answer
You want him because you've never really had him - not really.
On and off again for a year - plus parents and probation separating you - this relationship has played out in your mind like Romeo and Juliet. It's mostly fantasy and storytelling, not life. A relationship that 'never really was' is the hardest to get over, because the fantasy goes on and on.
You know this guy is not only dim, but a liar with a violent streak. It's unlikely you love him - maybe you don't even like him much - but you are hopeless infatuated with the person you thought he was in the first few weeks you knew him.
That person doesn't exist. Never did. But they are hard to give up. The story keeps on going, even though its just a story.
So just stop. Stop talking. Stop texting. Stop.
You wont be able to let the fantasy in your mind go, until you stop exposing yourself to the guy who brings it on.
If the new relationship doesn't feel right, end it too...
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The Question
basically ive been in therapy for about 2 years. My parents got divorced and im 14. i dont take medication. therapy has helped me alot. it was not just the divorce, becasue i wanted them to get divorce, but it was the way it went down. i basically got in the middle. and i find now im really awkward and lazy and tired around my friends. but when i go to parties and get dressed up and stuff and have coke (like coka cola) i feel really hyper and confident. and i was always confident and tough and now im like the opposite. having confidence is the main thing for me to regain. i know its in me, but im scared, or intimied by my peers. its ironic because thats how i used to make other girls or people feel around me becase i was so popular and confident. So i try to take B12 and multivitamins everyday. Usually when i take B12 i dont have more energy but am able to stay awake longer or less sleepy. but when im energetic at parites or something im really confident and will go up dance, because i like to dance. so shouldn't i just drink caffeine like coke or mtn dew or something all the time? because that brings me out me. obviously before i didnt need it because i was already like that alone.at parties i feel great. and no...im not taking drugs or smoking or anything like that. srtictly, caffeine. and i know techinically..caffeine is a drug..? but you know what i mean. but the problem is my mom doesnt buy unhealthy food or drinks like coke or mtn dew! please write in response..thanks!
The Answer
No. You should not drink sugary sodas all the time.
The first reason is that this would be horrible for your health and would create a false sense of happiness you might come to rely on in lieu of finishing the hard work you've started in therapy...
The reason that you might find more convincing is that it wont work in the long run.
Your body will adapt to what you give it, and it will take more and more soda to get the rush you feel at parties now. Like any drug, you build up a tolerance for it, and become dependent on it. You'll feel ill and irritable when you don't get your 'fix' of it.
The truth is, as much as the sugar and caffeine are certainly affecting you - it's also a bit in your head. You are at party and you want to be that person you were - the sugar is a tool and an excuse. It's something you use to give yourself permission.
Most people who get drunk are not NEARLY as drunk as they appear to be. They are using the substance to give themselves permission to 'act drunk'. There is definitely a bit of that going on with you right now too.
You probably don't need soda - even at parties. You definitely don't need every day as mood enhancer. It wont work that way for long anyways, and some of the benefits you experience now are probably psychosomatic (created by your belief that soda makes you hyper, not by the soda actually making you hyper).
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The Question
I have been living with my boyfriend for over a year now things r not going so good.we argue a lot but usually we get over it pretty fast.in other cases we both flip out and he starts getting really violent. He hits me in my face knees me throws me amd mainly chokes me now.i pretty much have gotten used to the hitting it stops hurting fast now but I'm not sire i can handle the verbal abuse.he says he blacks out i love him a lot but im not sure what to do i have no famiky and I'm onoy 17.i need advice please!!
The Answer
Look online, or in the phone book, for a women's shelter.
This is not okay. Like others have said "blacking out" is a bullshit excuse. He probably also tells you that if you behaved diffferently he wouldn't have to hit you - And that's a lie.
He's wrong. 100% wrong the moment he lays a hand on you. What's worse, is I'm betting he's a good bit older than you, and your dependance on him is a large part of why he's been able to get away with this.
You need to find a safe place to go. If you don't have family or friends who can help, reach out to a social service or woman's shelter that can.
You can also call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−7233 to get some support and connections to services near you.
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The Question
Hey everyone ok so im gonna try to make this short. So in my 8th grade english class we just finished reaildimg the outsiders and are goimg to watch it tomorrow. Well ive already seen to two times and love it. My friemd and i onsess over it like we think dallys cute. So of course i look stuff up about the movie. Well i looked up this website that said it was approved by S.E. Hinton the author but itnis a fan website. Well when i got on there i clicked on the some of the links like the first one was like actors imfo. It gave like addresses for fanmail. Then below it it gave inteuctions and thats when it started to get weird. It said stuff like you should be lucky if they even read this. You should always type it so they domt have to try tovread your handwriting, only use 12 point font. You should even be lucky if they took time to read it. Only say certain stuff because honestly they dont really care about you. And there was more!!!! I was like what the crap! And then i went back and started lookin at more stuff and there was a picture i wanted to see by some writing so i clicked on it and it brought me to an interview by the characters andnthis is were it got worse! Like the people whole played the characters cussed like a lott and were always using the f word over and over ( i know people cuss but keep reading) also they all ralked about how there goal was to get laid get drunk alll the time have drug deallers and how they would get laid with random fans. Have contest like things to see who could be the first to have sex with cherry. And how they talked the maid at the plaza hotel to give them keys to every room and apparemtly they trashed the rooms like put surrand wrap on toilets vasaline on all doornobs paper on all the beds. How they were tryimg to sneak into clubs like the underage ones and a lot more bad stuff and how one day they heard matt dillon in the trailer beside them bangimg some random girl and how whem she came out they all gave her a round of applause. Plus there was more bad stuff. Anyway after i got done reading it i was nearly in tears! It made me so upset because how would u feel if uou really liked this movie thoight they were cute blah blah and found at that. So i told my friend and she got upset too. But the more i thought about it the more it didmt make sense. Inwas thinking they could get in a lotn of trouble for havin those keys and doin all that stuff and vandalizing all of those rooms. With peoplenin them? Everyome isnt gonna be outta their rooms at the same time. Also if you know ralph macchio they always say hes known like not to have done annnything bad. Like innosent and they woilda got in a lot of trouble sneakim in to clibs etc. So i was just womdering if any of you could tell me your thoughts if you think this is real or not. Or if you could tell because this like ruined my day here is the website www.theoutsidersbookandmovie.com ps. The only reason i think this could be real is that it does iclude factual imfo about the book/movie and also if you want to read the interview with them that i read click on a picture thats what i did. Amd to read the fanmail thing click on actors imfo. Please help tell me weather thisnis real or fake because its very dissapointing. Thanksnfor your time(: -stay gold.
The Answer
I wasn't able to find the interview, but of course it's real. Those kids terrorized the hotel staff where they stayed - it's pretty well documented... Coppola, the director, was even said to encourage the bad behaviour to help the boys get into character.
The fan mail stuff is VERY good advice for writing to any 'celebrity'. It might hurt you to hear it, but following the advice on the site makes it far more likely your letter will get read and answered. That's just life: People can't sit around and read fan mail for ever and most actors can’t afford to pay someone to do it for them. So rude letters which are tough to read and make many demands tend to go unanswered. Actors are only people. Send them a nasty, demanding letter based on a movie they made 20 years ago and they’ll toss it away. Send them a nice, short, easy to read letter with thanks and a polite, easy-to-fulfill request, and you are way more likely to get a response.
And as for the drugs and vandalism - I'm sure it is true. These guys were teens on a movie shoot in the 80s. It would be perfectly expected for them to behave that way , especially if it was being encouraged and allowed.
Although it sucks to find out that actors are people too - they are. It can be disappointing, but in the end, you need to be okay with it. The characters are made up.
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The Question
Hi I am a 33 year old man, and I'm currently long distance dating a 21 year old.
We have been dating for over a year. And we text all day an mainly text during the night...
I love her she been there for me threw thick and thin... We have so much in common, we can talk for hours an never get bored...
An a while ago I found out she been talking to her ex via- email, im chat and phone convos... An she was still telling him she loves him, she wants too be with him... etc etc...
So when I confronting her, she told me the truth that she had been talking too him, and having sex with her other ex...
I forgave her...
And 5 months roll by...
And her other ex from Texas came by...
She lied and told me she was seeing the Twlight movie, and she met up with him, and went mia all night...
I found out confronted her...
And she told me she did, and she just kiss him and that was it, but she was gone all night...
I forgave her because I didn't have proof that she went beyond kissing... An 2day she sent a strange text too me like it was meant really for someone else, saying that she could be at some place in twenty minutes, an i asked her who was that text to, an she said her little cousin...
i need help... please give me the best advice about this siuation, im confused. and I don't know if i can continue to trust her...
Ps: I cheated on her, but way in the beginning an i've changed drastic for her...
The Answer
End the relationship.
This girl isn't 'tripping up' or 'making a mistake'. She has a pattern of seeking attention and sexual activity with others.
You can't cure that. At this point, there is no rational reason to believe she will stop.
So end the relationshup - she isn't really in the relationship with you anyways - you are just one of the several men she appears to be keeping on the line.
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The Question
22/f
I was head over heels for this guy and friends with him for about a year (we met in college, im in my sr year and he started 1st year at law). I was getting out of a slew of bad relationships and i came on kind of strong sexually (extremely out of character) so i gave him the wrong idea. he was kind though and did help me with lots of personal issues, and then when it got fixed he and i started flirting more and he wanted to hook up and i did too but i held him off for a year (tons of excuses) we ended up making out a year later and fooling a bit and really brief sex (i wanted to stop) he's not a jerk i promise. then i confessed that i liked him emotionally a few months later and he told me that i was a very attractive, extremely sweet/smart girl but i could get a little crazy sometimes so he didn't feel we were compatible (crazy b/c i had an anxiety attack in the beginning of our friendship, a personal issue that he was there for me for)
so i said OK sweetly, he did have a legit point, and he said that if i had emotional feelings for him we couldn't fool around again. i said ok. we still talked, a month or two went by, he started dating this girl out of the blue and i didn't know and i saw on fbk that they were now in a relationship. my heart was broken but we were on good terms so i told him i was happy for him. he was cool with it. then a month went by and we didn' really speak (im not one to interfere) and then on halloween we went to the same concert he saw me (my friend saw all this) from a distance and he stared at me and i walked away bc i was on the phone i didnt notice this. then the next day i saw that he blocked me on facebook. we never had a fight or nothing. very strange. i was upset but i still never contacted him im not one to interfere. then exactly a month later he called my phone but i didnt pick up b/c i missed the call. i texted and said 'how are you havent talked in awhile so i wasnt sure if it was a misdial anyway gl on finals" and then he didn't respond. hes still w/ his gf so idk
why did he call me...
im heartbroken.ive never been treated properly by guys and i understood why each time, and this is the first time i've liked a guy this much. but im not the kind of girl to interfere in relationships so i wont go there. he's not a cheater either i know this about him. just confused.
im sorry this is so long. if one person reads this and answers this i'll be so happy and grateful.
The Answer
You might not get to know why he called you.
You've got no right to that knowledge.
Fundementally, this guy wasn't all that into you and there is no reason to think he's more into you now than he was before and lots of reasons (like, he has a girlfriend) to think he still isn't that into you.
Look, although it hurts and is disappointing when someone chooses another person as their romantic partner, from what you've described here this guy DID treat you properly.
He was honest with you about what he wanted, and when he realized that what he wanted was different than what you wanted, he stop fooling around with you.
That was responsible and polite of him. Lots of guys would have strung you on for fun. He was respectful. He was honest. He felt you two weren't compatible and he said so.
He might want to be your friend. But it's pretty clear from your question here that you are NOT ready to be friends. You still feel way too much, way too deeply. So you aren't equipped to be a good respectful friend. You need more time and space from him before that is possible.
So keep on doing what you are doing - butt out. If he contacts you again, give him the same honesty and respect that he gave you: Tell him although you'd like to be friends and think he's great, your romantic feelings make that impossible right now.
It's okay to wonder, be curious and distracted by this, but you need to take a deep breath and let it go.
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The Question
Hi guys, i'm in a bit of a rut. I used to be friends with this one guy and one day in the spring time he got mad at me for a reason i do not remember, but his friend told me that if i sent him a nude picture he would get this guy to speak to me. so after two hours of him trying to convince me to i finally i did. i am not proud of it. but now that it is almost winter the picture got posted on facebook. (From my old friend, not his friend) He keeps calling me from blocked restricted numbers and just whistles in the phone. A few months ago he called and whistled and than said some very inappropriate thing to me. And a few weeks ago someone randomly pulled up to my house at about 3 in the morning and started screaming things out the window. my brother had fallen asleep in his car and woke up to it and chased after them a little till he lost them. than the following week or next week they came at about midnight and i ran down the stairs opened the door and when they saw me they took off. now i dont know if that was him or not, but it all seems to be ironic than. This guy is a literal lunatic and i am scared of him coming to my house to hurt me or my family. i keep the doors locked but i feel like i keep kearing things so i keep checking the house because it wouldnt surprise me if he found a way in. i am 16 years old, and is 20 or 21. Can someone tell me how to tell my parents without me getting in tons of trouble if possible to avoid. and what i can do in the mean time to feel safe? ANY advice is helpful! absolutely anything! whether its comforting, or advising me to do something. should i get the police involved? PLEASE HELP! it will be very appreciated!
The Answer
Yes, you should get the police involved.
He is sexually harassing (and generally harassing), you a minor.
That's not just bullying, or rude, that's a full fledged criminal act.
Just bite the bullet and tell your parents. Maybe write them a letter, if you feel it's too difficult to explain in person.
You are better off in trouble with them then in danger from him.
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The Question
Ok. My best friend Lydia is planning to kill herself with a overdose and I want to try to convey to her that suicide isn't the answer. that people are here 4 her. How do I do this so she won't get mad at me?? I don't want her to die. We are both 13 and are girls.
The Answer
Tell her parents, or your own, or someone at school who you can trust to step in.
She is going to get mad at you, at least for a while, but that is just her mental illness talking. Sometimes people get mad at us for doing the right thing, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't do the right thing. You should be mad at her for expecting you to just let her kill herself. That was a mean and silly thing for her expect you to do.
Convincing her is step two.
Step one is simply making sure she can't do it.
So tell someone who has the power to stop her.
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The Question
Hello.
My name is Armine, I`m 23.I am from Armenia.
It is my third month that I am working at an office where I have met a guy who is more than just a colleague for me....Some of my friends have noticed that he likes me too.He is texting to me nearly every day, sometimes calling,He was always saying that doesnt have a girlfriend, but recently he accepted the existance of his girlfriend, as she had sent him an open letter, which i had read...Some of our colleages had told me too about his girlfriend..I deleted him from the list of my penfriends, because I could feel the jealousy of his girlfriend who had blocked my site.But he got very angry and said that he wants to be my penfriend inspite of his girlfriends jealousy...Now I am so disappointed and dont understand why he had covered the fact of hvaing a girlfriend and why doesnt take into consideration his girlfrends point of view? And at lastdoes it worth to continue my contact with him???
I am really confused and need your advice...
Looking forward to Your answer...
The Answer
He is a liar.
There is nothing to be confused about: He lied to you and probably lies to his girlfriend too. He is not 'worth it' to keep as any kind of friend.
A man who will treat his girlfriend this poorly, will treat you poorly someday too. Don't give him the chance to disrespect you further. End contact.
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The Question
my mother has lots of fur coats & such, and i just found them. there is this one white rabbit fur vest, & i know the fake fur vests are in right now, and i really like it.
i want to wear it, but i'm afraid people will be able to tel its real & like beat me.
i know the mink ones & fox ones look obviously real, but i also don't think many people will expect a 19 year old girl to have real fur vest either..? right?
The Answer
Very few people will be able to tell.
But here is the trick: the people who really care, are good at spotting the difference. I can almost always spot the difference, and if I can touch it or get close enough to smell it, it's obvious that it is real.
It's unlikely anyone will beat you - but you'll likely get nasty comment or two. That's just sort of the risk you take when you wear fur. Many people will back off quite quickly if you tell them that it is vintage and you inherited it, others won't care that it's vintage.
Honestly, depending on where you live and the people around you, it might be very likely that someone will comment if you wear fur. People who feel strongly about fur are good at telling the difference between the fake and the real. The real has oils in it the fake just never does - plus it effects the way the garment is put togeather.
I'd recommend you be careful where you wear it. I inherited a fur coat from my mother that I really cherish, but I only wear it to the opera and to family gatherings. Even still, I live in a very big, liberal city, and I've had people make some nasty comments on the street
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The Question
Okay, so i started to think about my ex and the good times we had because honestly we have a lot of chemistry and i don't see why we're not friends. So i started to talk to him and when i first started to talk to me he was asking me advice about his girlfriend. He kept throwing things in my face like, "Shes the only girl that i loved." "Shes the only girl i was faithful too." The worst thing he said was "I had sex with her last week." I mean that's personal? Why is he telling me. Out of all people, why me? I have a feeling hes trying to make me jealous. I don't know im kind of confused. I need someone else point of view on this. Ridiculous.
The Answer
Well, my read on this isn't quite so harsh.
I think he is probably just trying to make sure you know he isn't available. That he is committed to his girlfriend. He might be trying to make you jealous, or he might just be trying to warn you off.
Either way, I agree with others this much: You aren’t as compatible as friends as you think if he is going to behave this way, and you are going to react this way.
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