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Gay man and Straight woman: I slept with him, and now I want him for myself!
I am a 21 year old girl and I work with a gay man that is about 4 years older than me and is much higher up in the company (I work part time just for money on the side until I graduate in May). Before I begin I want to say that he hasn't done anything wrong--I am leaving the company in a week because I won't be able to work next semester so there's no issues with that.
We have met and talked several times. He has told me about his long term boyfriend (he calls his husband)every time we spoke. They recently broke up and we went out for a drink last night (started out friendly)--neither one of us was drunk the least bit. Long story short, we ended up sleeping together. Afterwards, he stayed over and we just talked and such.
The whole thing was so weird but I've always been attracted to him but I always knew he was gay. But now I know he's attracted to me in atleast some way. I've never had a "one night stand" before but for some I know he wasn't just using me. After everything happened, he had his arms around me, he kissed me on his way out, and we just had a great time together.
Also, HE IS THE ONLY MAN TO EVER GIVE ME AN ORGASM!! He finished pretty quickly (which is another reason I know he was really attracted to me--or atleast really enjoyed himself) but he did amaazzzing things afterwards which I was surprised about because he once said that he has never slept with a woman.
Anyhow, I really want to pursue this man but I'm not sure how and I have many fears. I feel as if he does have feelings for me but I also know he doesn't believe in being bi (so he has told me). So, I am very confused about last night. And if we do end up dating, I'm afraid that I will just be his crash test dummy to test if he is straight or gay. I don't even know how to bring it up to him. Please help!!
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
For starters if he was "truly" gay...he had no business being attracted or aroused by a woman. Perhaps he is confused and may very well be a bisexual. Nonetheless, I think you should talk to him and tell him how you feel due to the simple fact that you work with him. Once you have cleared the air...I think you should keep your guard and walk away. If he is confused on his sexual orientation chances are he confused on everything else. At the end you do not want to get your heart broken and there are a lot of confused men out there already why deal with this issue. I think
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You can't actively pursue this man. It would be disrespectful based on what he has told you about himself, as well as unwise professionally.
So no ‘pursuit’ - but do have an adult conversation. Tell him you’d like to have a conversation. Go ahead and say “We need to talk.” cause that is what is it is. Tell him about what you are experiencing, and do it calmly and directly. No game playing. No flirting in the office. No bullshit.
Tell him you are developing feelings for him and that you don’t want to miss the chance to make sure he doesn’t feel the same way.
Do not tell him he isn’t gay. It’s understandable that might be your opinion, but you aren’t the one who gets to make that call. Don't ask him 'what does it mean?' - he might not know. Don’t tell him what he felt, or feels, what he likes or might want. Ask him what he thinks. What he believes. What he feels. And be honest about what you feel, and what you’d like to do next.
The most he can say is ‘No Thanks’ which will hurt like hell, but will pass. At least, if he does say no, you wont have tarnished your professional image or acted like a fool.
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Get him by hisself and tell him you want to know the meaning of what happened and tell him your feelings.It's natural to be afraid of what he's going to say but you have to suck it up and put your feelings on the line.I mean you were going out on a limb even sleeping with him now its time to go out on a limb again...(feel free to inbox hope this helps):-)
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