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did I over react? was my reaction uncalled for?
Ok...I decided to accompany my daughter and her father to a mini-christmas vacation and so we were about to eat dinner (reminder: with my ex). So I tell him "Are you happy we are here!" and his response is "Well, I am paying for it" with a certain attitude. I gave him 250.00 from his child support to help "US" with the trip expenses. I got upset and told him I would pay the 40.00 bill for the dinner. I did tell him those types of comments were totally uncalled for. He was amazingly upset saying I had twisted all his words around. It completely reminded me why I got a divorce in the first place, but I want to understand and get another man's perspective or woman's....did I over react...was my reaction uncalled for. I don't know please let me know.
Female 36 years old
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Did you over react? From the little information at hand I would say that is a yes and no answer.
You reacted poorly and in the wrong place, in front of your daughter. Your ex may have just chosen the wrong words to express himself. There are a number of different meaning I could think of to what he said. I also think all of you were a little on edge. Most of all I think the mini-Vacation was to benefit your daughter to have a family vacation. With hindsight being 20/20 I would say the better way to have handled it would have been to hold you tongue and ask you ex what he meant by his remark out of hearing of your daughter.
What needs to be done is to explain to your daughter that you were on edge because of the dynamics of this situation and may have spoken improperly. If you upset her then you apologize to her and explain that no matter what; you and her father truly love her . That this mini-vacation was for her benefit to prove that. That this was a first attempt and you and her father will get better at it in the future.
You and her father need to find better ways to communicate when around your daughter.
To answer your question: Both you and your husband spoke improperly.
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yeah.... I kind of need a little bit more info to make a good call on it. also: I assume you weren't telling him "are you happy we're here!", but rather asking "Are you happy we are here?" as a rhetorical question. because that makes sense. now as for what you perceive as his curmudgeonly behavior- yeah, in all likelihood he was probably being a dick, but with the tidbit of information provided, I can't make a full call on it. there is a bit of wiggle room in his response to your rhetorical question for it to be considered dry humor, because by their very nature, rhetorical questions are answered in four ways- sarcastically, angrily, humorously, or matter-of-factly. and to be perfectly honest with you, I can picture myself giving the exact same response to your question, but by using the right facial expressions and a quick follow-up "hey, thanks for chipping in!", I'd be indicating that it was meant as a joke. Maybe you cut off his quick follow-up? who knows. hit me up if you really feel like giving more details, otherwise, have a good day, unless you've made other plans.
-Gunner
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There really isn't enough context here...
His comment was unnecessarily rude, although, it also might not have been intended quite the way you took it.
Your ex might not have 'deserved' the benefit of the doubt, but with a young daughter at the table, it wouldn't have hurt you to be the bigger person, and pull him aside later to express calmly why that comment was inappropraite.
I don't think you were wrong to call him out on that behaviour, but I do think you went to an extreme. There was probably a better way, for your own peace of mind and your daughters, to discuss his negative comment.
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I don't think you over reacted at all, His response was rude and ignorant. You stated that you put 250.00 towards the trip therefore you DID put some money towards the whole ordeal. If anyone over reacted it was him, Not you.
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