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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

advice

Hiya,
Long story, sorry. If a boy likes a girl but unfortunately (they both have a girlfriend and boyfriend) at the moment and there's no way of them breaking up but the boy wants to stay in touch with the girl forever as they are in the same class in the uni, does that mean he has a thing for her? Despite of him having a gf already and she has a bf too. Possible to like her in a romantic way??? He can't wait summer to be over because he won't see her. He acts like he likes her in a various kidding way. They've been friends since uni. She likes him too. Does he want to stay in touch because if something happens with gf in the future, he can confess or ask the uni friend out or is it just normal guy thing? They both get on and class is always fun when she sees him. When she don't see him in the uni, she misses him. So guys, is he just being a funny friend or could there be more?? Thank you for the answers

You do know that its possible to be in a relationship and still have friends of the opposite sex, right? By the way, your question isn't long, but my answer is.
Heres a quesion you only need to answer to yourself. When you leave university, do you intend to stay in touch only with females, or will there be male classmates that you would like to keep in touch with. Keeping in touch does not mean a daily or weekly thing. More like the once a month or less, just to catch up on what's been going on for each other. Sometimes we get too busy with our jobs and starting a family and first attention must go there. So keeping in touch can also not happen except for once a year, agreeing to meet somewhere for coffee or just planning to attend the same event and bump into each other as part of it. If he has a girlfriend, then he is not likely interested romantically in you right now.

Hanging on to a boyfriend or girlfriend once a person has decided that this is not the person they want for a life long mate just does not make any sense. How else is one to meet the person they are meant to be with long term, the love of their life. So if he has a girlfriend he does not like enough in that way, whats he waiting for? Only you and I can guess. If this is correct he may be very afraid of how she will react and doesnt want to hurt feelings. Feelings will heal over time but marriage to someone you don't really like is torture for the rest of ones life. And unfortunately a very great amount of relationships fall into that catagory. If I were you, I'd focus on what I do have opportunity to change and it involved only you and your feelings. If you are with a bf but fantasizing about other possible relationships, its one thing if the fantasizing is about sexual stuff since our sexual organs are in good working order and we have eyes in our head, everytime we see someone whose image excites us that way, its all fine and normal but acting on it usually isn't if in relationship. So looking at a guy and sexually attracted is normal. What is no so normal and should be an indicator that something is wrong, is if you don't miss current bf when you don't see him a while but missing the other guy, having more fun with a guy other than the boyfriend, then if she isn't yearning for the bf or vice versa, there is a problem and the chosen person may not be the right one.

I do not understand the younger people of today feeling they can not go out on dates with someone without being officially bf and gf.Its as if they believe it is a big tanoo What I do not see today is young people knowing and explaining to others that they are too young to think of finding a marriage partner or life long partner yet and they only want to date for social reasons. The other would be young person saying they are ready and searching for their life long partner, soul mate, love of their life (call it what you will). And therefore, you may end up hanging with, dating any possible guys at the same time. So what girl would go out with a guy who is also seeing two other girls? Yeah,, I know, they are territorial. But why fight for territory that may not be right for you. Sex is one thing, best friends is another, but choosing a person based on only one of those is a disaster in the making. Best to search for a person based on both catagories. It also seems that once done with Uni, people feel even more pressure to find their mate.
Now if your friend says he cant wait for summer to be over so he won't have to see her, if sounds like he doesnt see her as the future mother of his children but more like the pesky next door neighbor you feel stuck with. SHe though is displaying the kinds of feelings one does if truely in love but both need to feel that way. If one person does not feel that way about the other, then one is shunning the love of his life, or she in her inexperience of years on earth, is reading him all wrong and doesnt realise that this is only a one way relationship, not reciprocal. If this is truly the case, the guy could have feelings starting for you. He may actually be trying to do the dating of several without any commitments until a decision has been made at which point the other people are no longer dated and they check to see if the one person feels the same in return about them. If so, they move on as a couple, if not, they part ways and she scraps all of them and starts over with her search. One thing wrong here is that he is trying to do this sort of thing while pretending to be committed to her. He may still be on the search for the woman he wants to end up with for life. And this is generally the time frame in which it happens. So if you have feelings for him as friend, there's no reason why not to stay in touch as just friends. If you think you may like him more than that but you are still crazy about your boyfriend, there is no reason to make any decision other than staying with your boyfriend. If at any point, you have decided that no matter how nice and wonderful a person he is that that chemistry for romance and falling in love is missing, then you have a problem, being with the wrong person and need to go your own ways. So that decision comes first. If you decide he is a keeper for now, then treat him as such. If by time of your 10th HS reunion or reaching 30, somewhere around there, you feel more experienced in knowing what you need and want and what you have to give to a relationship, that is often a time that others begin to break up and start new relationships, the serious ones that are to last a lifetime. And no, 30 is not too late to find the love of your life. If you still feel the same about your bf by then and he feels the same, you continue on for life or how ever long it lasts. I know this isn't what you wanted to hear exactly, but overthinking another persons actions won't lead you to any good conclusions where you have answers. Other than asking point blank what you want to know, you will never know. Asking him when both you and he have significant others, is not proper. Until both of you find yourselves single and still searching, its best not to even go there with your thoughts.

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I was having a rough day yesterday because this girl kept saying I was talking *hit behind her back which was completely untrue, and she locked me in a classroom, and when I calmely told her I didnt have a problem with her and she was starting problems with me, she woulnt let me out. I finnaly got out, but did she harrass me? Can she get a ticket for that?

Or you can consider her behavior as bullying, no matter that she is using the excuse that you did something and this is just retaliation in her mind. NO matter what anyone ever does against her or if it is entirely imagined, she still doesn't have a right to prevent a person from going on with their own business. This is 'taking away your freedom' and is certainly very wrong. I would bring this up with the principal. If this is not college and HS instead, then your parents need to know so they can file a complaint with the school because they would still be lawfully the ones in charge of you.

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Alright, he asked me for a drink if I could go with him after my lesson, I said OK. We went for a one drink and said bye with friendly hug. He wanted to have 1 more but I said may be some other time and I will pay that time. He's mentioned few times saying, oh, are you taking me for a pint? I'm feeling like, why did he ask for a drink coz this is the first time we went for a drink and it was decent. Is it because he's going away for a few weeks and we won't see each other for a while or what? I've known him for a quite a while now and we're like jokers when we see each other. I like him and I know he likes me but not entirely sure because he's got a gf. What do I think? Am I in the wrong? Thanks!

If you promised to buy his drink next time in return for his buying yours first time, then it is fine to reciprocate. As to whether it means anything, who's to know unless someone has the ability to read minds. I am guessing by mentioning lesson, that you are in college. So I am going to guess you're both college age.

With that in mind, there are two types of guys out there, the ones at this age who have commitment phobia or are thinking only of themselves and women as sex objects and so they cheat.

There is another type, the guy who wants to find a woman to settle down with eventually. He may not be in a hurry to marry, but he will instead of doing monogamous serial dating, meaning dating a while and later breaking up, others will date only to find out if they like a girl enough to be with her rest of his life. I believe that it is possible to date multiple people at the same time, or call it hanging out with to get to know better. Dating around to find the right person for you is what a few people do. I did this the 2nd time around after a divorce. I told the guys I was still doing exploratory dating to find someone I wanted to focus more on to discover if he might be right as my next sweetheart. And informed them I may be seeing other people at the same time.
I think that some good guys do this but even tho this is their intention, that sometimes they make the mistake of asking a girl to be their gf, cus they do not know any other way to do so and too many females would consider him seeing multiple girls to be cheating. Cheating can only be cheating is a person has promised to be a girls only guy, a firm commitment because he is in love with her.
It can take some guys a while to realize they are in love with someone but its worth waiting for.

So you need to decide for yourself if you want him to get a chance to get to know you better since you like him. I don't know how self confidant you are. But that is what guys need to have more ease discovering which of the females is right for him.

I would ask the guy if he sees himself as being a bachelor long term simply cus he choose solitude or whether he is thinking of searching around and deciding what the right female is to settle down with. Then I would say that the reason I am asking is because I don't mind if a guy hasn't decided yet or found that right person yet and if he feels the need to date around til he makes a decision, that is fine. However he has a girlfriend which insinuates that a commitment was made. If he hasn't made a commitment to her, then he should not be doing something that keeps her hopes up, believing he is 100% committed to her when all he is, is committed to finding his future life partner. I would then ask him where he falls and ask him why he is seeing me? One date is just one date and doesn't mean anything but since he is asking to go again, I think he is interested. Whether he is a player or the type who wants to find his forever woman, is your right to know, right up front. I did this with men who ranged ages 40 to 60 when I was on a dating site. And not a single one thought it odd that I would ask where they stand right up front.
It would be a waste of date to go out with a guy who isn't serious at all about finding his life mate unless you are into dating for social reasons and maybe to find a friend with benefits which is okay as long as both want that and nothing more.
Guys don't reason things out like females. They are quite different there so to assume he wanted to see you again because he is going to be away a few weeks probably was not a thought. Whatever commitment has him leaving for a while, even if its to go see family, is what will be taking his focus and attention.
So if you want to find out whether you could be more than friends, the thing to do is ask but make sure he realizes that you are not willing to share if he has made any kind of commitment to another girl and being her boyfriend if he ever asked her to be his girlfriend is a commitment.

Just ask "We do so well as friends that its made me wonder if we might do great as more than friends. However, Since you have a girlfriend, I am curious as to why you like hanging out with me? If you are hunting for the right person for you, I can understand and during any exploratory dating to find the right one, I don't expect a commitment. However having a girlfriend is in my minds eye, a commitment. So could you explain to me just what is going on here and where I stand? Because having a commitment to a girlfriend while seeing another girl, even as just a friend can potentially cause trouble to for with the girlfriend being jealous and maybe leaving you. So just how important is she and again, why would you risk that relationship to be with me? Not condemnin you here, just want to know what you are thinking, so I can myself make a better decision for me. See, I am not a mind reader...so whats up.

The last sentence is just a little humor to lighten things up but he still needs to answer you concisely. If he does not, its up to you to decide if you still want to hang out with him at times.

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So I bought a gift for a male friend of mine. Its kind of very expensive. I don't want him to think much of it or think that I want something in return because I don't. How do I give it to him? His birthday isn't even close!

If you are wealthy and the purchase is just a drop in the hat for you, that would be the only way I can think of that someone would not read more into it.

All I know is the more I care about a person, a very close bosom buddy or a mate or a child, if I see something that I know would be not just a nice gift but much more, I will get it. A gift I am talking about is the kind that the other couldn't afford, couldn't find or always wanted or something to add to a collection of theirs, the amount of thoughtfulness of such a gift will tug on the heart strings and make a person feel emotions attached to the receiving of it. If its from a family member, I would just give an exuberant hug but If I received such a gift from a male who I was not the wife, fiancee or even ooficial girlfriend of, it would cause questions for me internally whether I might voice them or not. I certainly would find such a gift more extravagant than an ordinary gift. Most people, no matter how much they like me, can not afford to get me an extravagant gift as it might jeopardize their ability to pay all their own bills. I suppose I only know poor people and the disappearing middle class. Thats just me. I do guess most people would question receiving an expensive gift, even the supreme thoughtful gift. But money wins out over all since it is a precious resource few of us have tons of. Instead we'd worry about using some of our allotted grocery budget to buy such a gift. Depending on the thoughtfulness, perfectness of a gift and its cost, yes, a person could get the wrong idea. Most of us you see, would not spend lots of money even on a friend, but someone more significant in our life, like a bf/husband. As I said, if you don't have that much in bills and have a saving account where most of us don't, and earn good money, or have an extravagant allowance if parents are really wealthy, then giving such a gift just because you can is the only explanation you need followed with, I am doing this as just a friend, not because I have any deeper feelings for you. And it would be plausible. believeable.
You might have to do a lot more convincing of him that you got him the gift just because you knew he'd like it and you didn't care what it costed. If he knows it was a sacrifice because you had to take it out of a tight budget, I am sure he might have questions so be prepared to answer them. Or he might thank you but ask you to return it cus he knows how much it will mess up your budget.

Another thing that comes to mind for me is Love languages. There are 5 distinct ways we show that we love a person and ways we recognize love.
To discover another person's love language, one must observe the way they express love to others, people tend to naturally give love in the way that they prefer to receive love.
This is the list of 5 love languages:

gift giving,
quality time,
words of affirmation,
acts of service (devotion),

Since you are giving a gift, if he also prefers reciving gift as a sign of love, he most surely will jump to conclusions and assume you love him. If he instead equates love with acts of service or quality time with you, then he may not see the gift as having any meaning.

Its up to you what you decide to do Just decide ahead what you will say to explain yourself away.
and physical touch.[

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I don't know what's wrong with me tbh. My friends use to tease me A LOT in hurtful ways but that was like a year ago. I don't know what happened this year but they are much more nicer to me and it freaks me out!
I know I am suppose to be happy but It just feels so alien to me. When they are being nice I don't know how to respond or act, I get shy and nervous.
We fight sometimes and that's like the time I get to be myself.
I avoid hanging out with them because of this, I now usually hang out with another friend who teases and insults me a lot, I also insult back and feel a sense of PEACE and FREEDOM.
Oh and you must think I am some kind of bitch but I am not, I like giving and making people happy and I don't do it to get something in return.
Am I just weird?

If we are talking middle school, HS or early 20's, a change of friends behavior getting better, more mature is actually normal and doesnt have to come with any ulterior motive. The ages I mentioned are times when people are growing and learning very quickly and maturing and choosing to reform their behavior. I know of a couple people who were mean to me all of my HS school days but sometime as it got closer to graduation, these people came and apologized and wanted to recieve my forgiveness. S what you described is entirely possible. The only think that can cause problems for you is your own memories of before, overthinking it and distrust. If you try to be friends with them but can't handle it, then don't associate with them. Hopefully, someday you will mature even more and find it is easier for you to forgive. Forgive doesn't mean you forget what they did. You keep your eyes open for repeating bad behavior and if it occurs, you let them know if they do not stop that, you will stop associating with them. Stand up for yourself.

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Let's say its 7:45 can't I say its 45 minutes past 7 or when its 7:55 its 55 minutes past 7?? Instead of It's quarter to eight or It's 5 to 8.
People say its wrong when I say that so I was just wondering...
Sorry is this is a dumbass question but I need to clear the air!

This is not a dumbass question. Dumbass description goes to those who told you it was wrong. So thanks for coming here to ask.
I think its a matter of choice for people. I know most people switch back and forth on what they say and knowing why I switch, it depends on the importance of my schedule at the time. If we are on the road heading for an appt that is on the hour, and its getting close, I would say its a quarter to 3 or 5 minutes till 3 rather than 3:45. By doing so, I am choosing in a silent way to let hubby know we can not dawdle and try to make it thru the next couple traffic lights without speeding. If one of us was feeling hungry and just wanted to compare how long ago we ate, then I might be informing him that it is 6:35, so he can calculate how long ago he ate or he'd say, "Well no wonder I am hungry. Lets get dinner."

If someone notices you wear a watch and asks you for the time you can tell them the 7:55 version. If however they choose to tell you they need to call someone back at 8 and wondered what the time was, I would then say it's five till 8, so they know its not much longer till they can call or perhaps they will judge its close enough and go make that call.
There is no wrong way to say it.

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I have recently found out that I have failed 5/6 of my high school fitness tests meaning I have to take a 3rd year of p.e. due to a new law next year. My counseler said I am to sign a waiver when I turn 16 next year and I won't have to take it. Now I have come to realize that I am not flexible enough to touch my own toes without having your knees bent and can't even do a push up or sit up due to my lack of upper body stength. I have decided that since I am not going to take p.e. anymore I have to take matters of losing fat and gaining muscle into my own hands. Since I don't know how to drive and have no money the Gyms out. So I decided to workout at home with youtube videos that go through the the workouts. Now I have the workout part down as I am slowly working my way by adding more and more workouts as I proceed. But due to my lack of money and no job I have no way of buying things for making healthier food at home for myself. My question is this: how can you eat healthier with the lack of money and food?

Our bodies need fuel to work properly just as a car needs fuel to actually run. Our bodies are quite unique in that if we provide all the ingrediants it needs it can repair itself in many cases and become strong enough to resist every cold that comes along or at least get over illness faster.
When there is lack of money for the healthiest options, I would have to say that adding a good multi vitamin, extra vit. C tablets is a good place to start. On food, keep in mind that prepared foods, the easy quick to make mixes are the least good for you, practically no good vitamins and too much salt or bad fats or too much sugar. Good food is expensive if you want to avoid GMOs, pesticides and get organic. So instead, know that whenever you can eat fresh foods, the closest to how they look picked in your garden or from a farm, meaning raw fruits and vergetables, those are best. Next and lesser in choice is frozen fruits and veggies. Frozen tv dinners, and other frozen ready to heat and eat are not good with all the preservaties and salt, etc.
Lastly, and your last choice when it comes to fruits and veggies, is the canned ones. You will need to be concerned about getting enough fiber. So check on line as to which foods are high fiber and find a way to have some at least every other day or even if must be, every 3,4 days. Some is better than none. For me, Avocados work best. I will eat an entire one on my own and usually late the same day I am going regular again.

If you haven't tried yoga by the way, it is a great way to stretch out muscles and tone and even gain a little strength in the muscles simply from being in optimum health. Good luck.

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I have been volunteering at the local thrift store and I got a application for the thrift store yesterday when I was working I didn't even ask for it . They just have it to me. I am stumped on a few questions.

1. Do you have a condition that would require job accomodations?

I have major social anxiety

2 reference would I put the thrift store down it's the only experience I have had.

If you have not worked anywhere else, then put down your volunteer work with them. They obviously know this but its good to remind them of it, especially if they have other applicants with previous jobs, but you already have experience with them and none or less training needed. That is an important plus for you. Especially if they initiated and gave you the form and want you to apply, they must really like you working with them. I know social anxiety can be a minus in some jobs, especially those dealing with the public. You don't have to be Ms. Social Butterfly, but if a customer asks a question, you need to be able to talk to them, clearly speak and answer their question or help direct them somewhere. I shop thrift stores often and know that even if a person works on labeling and hanging clothes, other jobs, that all of them have times when they also handle the register. Most all jobs train employees for that and likely that is one of the things you will still need to learn if they choose you. So in doing that job, if you have a condition that requires accomodations, yes, I believe they may consider this important. However you have already been working there. You should know better than anyone if having to talk to customers is hard for you. I used to have major social anxiety myself. Just so you know to what degree I struggled, it was all during school days, being cured in Sr. HS year, and was so bad I wouldn't get up to use pencil sharpener cus I didn't want people to be staring at me. I also would not smile or say Hi to people because I was afraid that might encourage them to start talking to me and I was terrified of having to do a conversation with anyone other than my immediate family members (parents and siblings only) If I had not gotten cured of it, it certainly would have held me back in many areas of life. No matter how long you've had it, there are ways to be healed for good of anxieties.
You could put down that you are a bit shy if you are willing to give it a try to be cured of your anxiety. I can share that with you but only if you at ropes end and tired of your anxiety always being an issue no matter what you do in liffe. Just let me know with a message to me on my website.

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What is SEO?

Since we don't know the context of what sentence or description it is part of, we have no way of knowing that the letters stand for. So here's another guess:

Senior Executive Officer (SEO) is the highest grade within the Executive Group. The Grade is used on a range of management, specialist and other functions throughout the Civil Service, but it needs to be assigned to individual posts with considerable care.

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Hello, I'm a college student so I wasn't able to have two jobs during the semester, but now it's summer and I recently started at a second job that earns 2000 a month on top of my first job where I make about $700. I have around $600 a month in bills and life expenses so you can see why before I wasn't able to save much.

Anyways, now that I have another paycheck coming in it's been hard for me to figure out what I should do with it. Especially considering I might have to quit my second job in three months when summer is over because it's not flexible and I don't know that I can manage it while taking a full load of classes too.

I owe money to three sources: a car I'm financing that has $9600 left on it, $1000 to an old debt, and I owe my mom around $800.

With paychecks added, expenses taken out, and bills taken out; at the end of the month I should have around $1300 in excess. I know this number is low, but that's because I spent most of my paychecks this month on paying off two old debts, giving my dad $200 to help with his bills, and buying some things I desperately needed. In future months though I'm hoping to be able to save much more of the paychecks.

Of course the third debt comes first because I need to start paying it ASAP, but plan on paying it in parts.

I really want to also be working on the other two debts, but my dilemma is that I know my car payment doesn't need to be paid off in a hurry (I have years left on the loan) and that I already pay $400 towards it a month. I still really want to pay it off quicker though because I'm sick of that huge chunk coming out of my paychecks every month.

I also want to pay off my mom, but at the same time it's at the back of my mind that she greatly exaggerates the amount I owe her and that my whole life my dad paid 80% of my bills and she never offered to help him when she makes just as much as he does and on top of that received child support from him. She'll also go from telling me not to worry about paying her back to complaining to my family members about me not paying her back and hounding me for the cash. She also constantly relies on me to help her, but doesn't hold my brothers to the same standard. With all these things in mind it makes me hesitant to pay her back. I still love my mom to pieces of course, I'm just very cautious of wasting my money especially if I cease to have it in three months.

My car also really needs some TLC (all cosmetic) that I'd put the cost around 2k for and of course seeing as my car is my method of transportation that's really important to me too.

Of course there are other small expenses that I know will come out that I'm not foreseeing right now, such as makeup, clothes, eating out, etc.

Can you help me sort all this out? What should I start paying first? How should I split these up into monthly payments so I'm taking on too much at one time?


I can only think of one thing besides holding on to the whole amount to have just in case of need while finishing school. So if I understand, the first job you will still have when going back to school, job and school at same time? That's how it sounded to me. So 3 months, June, July Aug. is what I am figuring you are talking about. If 3 full months, at $1.300 extra ea will total 3,900. If you are fine with having the $700 while back in school, then another possibility could be taking a chunk to pay towards what you owe on car and actually refinancing to get a lower monthly payment. Lets say you paid $3 grand towards balance on car leaving just 6,600 left to be refinanced. You don't have to sign any contract but checking this out and having the loan company give you some figures should help you decide whether to hold on to the cash or if the amount your car payment is lowered, when added to your $700, puts you way ahead of where you were before. And I would also pay Mom off by doing it as Adviceman suggested with a handwritten note that she has signed to agree she received it. Even if Mom were not trying to wheedle money out of you saying you still owe it, as she gets much older, her memory will start to have the issues lots of older people get, struggling with short term memory.
Then if that old debt has a time limit too or you just want to get rid of it, any money you save on car payments can go towards payments of the old debt of $1000. If you are diligent, you can have that paid off by summer of 2018. Or if it can wait, then pay if off once you finish school and start working full time. Since you mention TLC, for the car, I have to agree that as much as it may bother you knowing that a scratch or dent exists, it does not affect the functioning of the car. Cosmetic work thus falls to lowest priority, especially for someone still in college and working way thru it. Once you have completed your college degree and are working full time, then it is fine to save up for all the cosmetic work your heart desires.

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My boyfriend and I just got back together after a year breakup... at first, everything was smooth until one month down the line... His school is 4hours drive from mine and since I really dnt lyk traveling, We dnt visit until we get home.. lately, all we do is fight and argue..He also told me that if I get lonely at SCH, I shld get a bf here and tell him so we can break up..Now, we argued over a lil thing and I called him.. we were just silent over the phone deep in our diff thoughts..My questions is that how sure am I that he is nt cheating on me, and I feel like I am the only one trying to make things work here as we are 5months into this relationship and 4months have been quarrels and argument galore. I need advise cs am abt losing my mind here

What MrKaman said is true. A couple who are really perfect for each other are not going to be fighting all the time. However, younger people are only just learning about relationships by simply living them, unfortunately not studying up ahead to learn the do's and don'ts, etc.... So whether HS or college, there are many in this age group who are going to make more mistakes than older and longer established couples. I can't say whether it may be just a simple not knowing any better way to go about having a good relationship, or if there are actual true character traits you will not tolerate from a potential bf, but I will say that you are back together more for the fact that you likely didn't learn what you needed to learn the first time around. This is much like the woman who complains, why is it that every guy I meet ends up being abusive? Having had an abusive first husband, I know that when I decide to leave him, the same reasons that kept me with him so long were the same issues that poppled up in the next guy. I had to learn only to prove to myself that I had really learned a personal growth thing for me and that it wasn't a fluke, an accident. So I was facing the same issues and again, I left that relationship. A person who did so accidently and hadn't really learned what the universe has for them to learn, will keep meeting the same kind of guys until they learn. Especially when young, one needs to be sure of what they want in a person who eventually spends the rest of their life with you. Lets say your Dad always yelled and had a short temper, so you would be lookig for a guy who is very patient and doesn't raise their voice to you, even if both of you disagree on something. There are right and wrong ways to disagree, fight, argue...what ever you want to call it. Right now, I would have to agree that it doesnt sound like you are with the right person for you and besides, it is true that relationships that are long distance, on line or in person so there isn't a chance to meet up often enough to get to know each other, are relationships that just do not do well or never work at all. As stated however, if a couple is truly in love before facing a separation such as having a significant other or spouse who is in the armed forces, they will make it work and remain strong and grow more in love. So what are you looking for hon? Ask yourself. What you and he want may be too very different things and something he may have at least subconsciously begun to feel, therefore stating you should get a bf locally. He may just want a steady girl for just social reasons, someone to hang with, go out with, maybe enjoy romance or even sex with but sex does not equate to commitment in guys. Sex does not always equate to love, at least not initially. Its usually lust. But men can love and fall in love and will do so if they have a woman who is a friend who has no expectations and makes no claims on him. Both with ex and my current husband, we never ever had a talk like, would you like to date or would you be my bf/gf? I don't know too many people whom I'm close to who ever did that either. We just saw that we were drawn to being with each other, enjoyed being with the other person and could see we had lots in common, we want to know and learn more about each other and somewhere along that point of experiencing things that make us feel more deeply about that person, we go from mere admiration of a persons personality and character, to falling in love with them.
I can't say what it is that you need to learn, and don't mean to offend you by guessing, but I am thinking there is a strong possibility that you need to make a list of what qualities you are looking for in a guy. And would the qualities of someone you date now be any different from the guy you might live with for the rest of your life, possibly as father of your kids? YOu don't need to be ready to search for a husband to marry in the next couple years. But I had this same thing suggested to me, after leaving my ex and I was in my forties then. I made the list and it helped me to have a picture in mind of who was right for me and I was right for them, or that it won't work out. Yes, relationships and dating should be happening for those ready in HS and definitely once in 20s but it is still a time of learning what you really want. Too many jump into relationships that are not right for them and so the relationship is just hell. And at some point later, the people divorce if married or just break ups. This is why something as solid as a marriage has such a high rate of divorce. We are making a life decision without having enough facts yet or knowledge of what to look for and what to avoid in relationships. Some stay because they hate being single or being ostracized by peers for not having a significant other yet. We can not order the right person to show up when we want and exactly like we want as if ordering fast food. This is something that 1. takes lots of time 2. Takes gaining experience from A. going thru the learning stage in each subsequent relationship until they get it right. It doesn't mean you failed when you break up, it should mean you learned something. This is what dating is REALLY about. A long period of time in your life when you learn all about relationships and staying with one guy long term that you fight with doesn't count for a successful, healthy relationship if fighting all the time. You don't get brownie points for staying with a bad guy long term like years and years. There is no purpose to that. With each relationship you are in, the objective is to find someone better than the last person, never settling for less; looking for the qualities you liked in the last person in the new one but at the same time avoiding the qualities you did not like with the last person, in a new person. I can't say it any more plain. So you need to decide if this is the kind of relationship you want with a man, any man, not neccesarily him, for the rest of your life, always finding this kind of guy, never anything better. Or will you learn what you will and will not tolerate in a male and then act accordingly, staying if he's perfect or leaving if you can't tolerate his way of relating to you.
I am going to take a wild guess that since you brought up the fighting, that you do not like fighting at all. Unfortunately, the only person you can change is yourself. You can not force him to change and become the perfect bf. God gave everyone free will and if he chooses to continue to act this way and not care about treating you better, then theres nothing you can do to make him change for the better. Change must come from within, with him wanting to improve who he is as a person, as a bf, as a student, worker, etc.... So decide if you want more of the same or if you are ready to start looking for something better. If you are too scared or not ready for some reason to cut it off, thats okay too, but then it doesn't make sense to complain to any friends about this relationship if you are choosing to stay for now. When ready, you will do what needs to be done. If by time you are ready, you've forgotten what I've shared, then just remember my name "Dragonfly' and write me with the things you want to learn on how to find Mr. Right. You may not find him for another couple years, five or ten years, but all the relationships you have between now and then should be getting better and better as you go along. I learned with having an abusive husband in first marriage that although most the issues were problems that originated with him, that I wasn't without fault either. IN my case, it was more of not knowing what to do. Once I did know, that I should have left him , I did not because of fears, all sorts of fears. I did not become ready to leave a man who abused me until late forties. I do hope that in sharing with ladies who write to Advicenators, that in sharing what I have learned that I can help shed some light in the area of relationships and hopefully cut much shorter the inevitable learning curve we must all go thru to being shorter for you.

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Hi,
Do boys try to find a way to touch a girl or look for an excuse to touch when they fancy her? Like per say, slight poke on shoulder, touching knee, rubbing or patting on shoulder but not in a pervert way however always finding a way to touch I've noticed even though we've been friends for ages therefore it's hard to recognise either he's into me or just an another innocent boy mate?? I fancy him and wondering if he does because we joke a lot so it's painfully hard to tell. When I say to him you're flirting again eh, he replies with a pure smile no, we're just messing around and joking. I'm like. 'really'? He does say he likes me. So what is this? He gives me all sorts of hints that he likes me. Making an eye and laughing hard. Any thoughts guys? Thanks

When it comes to touching people while in conversation, there are two different types, touching for two very different reasons.

What you are familiar with is flirting touch to let someone know that you like them. You can like a frined or like someone as more than a friend, so its gonna take more than seeing the obvious and knowing they truly do like you.

Lets focus on the touching. What you need to think about or find out by observing him, is whether he uses this type of behavior with other people than just you. Some people don't just talk with their mouth but also with their hands ( that would be me by the way. a friend once reached out and forced
So id hw is like that with everyone to some degree, then its just part of his personality. Not a clue that he likes you as possibly more than a friend.
Lots of people choose to be cautious, or dont have a clue what to say or do other than smile, spend time with and be friendly towards someone they may feel amorous towards. Due to the fact it could just be personality, many feel confused. Your womans intuition is telling you there may be more to this and womens intuition is quite often right on. So heres my favorite way to find out, which I learned from watching dating videos and what worked for me. You simply say "We've been doing so well as friends together, it makes me wonder if we could do well as more than friends. What do you think?" You have to ask his opinion, and this way is not awkward and doesn't feel pressuring, cus it comes across as a thought that just came to your mind, real natural. If he is flirting and wants to get more serious, he will see this as his chance to explore and be sure before he makes any commitment like asking you to be his girlfriend. Problem is that too many females want an instant commitment before the two have had a chance to check out a person well enough to know if they are the kind of person you like for just a friend, an intimate friends with benefits thing only, or does the person seem like the type to spend the rest of ones life with. So if you want to know if you are going to stay friends or try more than friends, you just need to bring up the subject with the basics I mentioned saying.

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So, I recently moved schools and I met this guy. He was the first to talk to me in my History class and I liked him from the start! As time passed he grew more distant. I asked him to join me and some of my other new friends on a trip but he declined both times. I stopped asking after that in fear he was getting annoyed. I have a really hard time talking to people so whenever he would talk to me there would be awkward moments if silence. If I get to know a person in definitely a lot more outgoing, it just takes time. Now he doesn't even talk to me or acknowledge me and I'm too scared to go up to him in fear of annoying him again. Its been a while now and I'm still upset about this. I have listened to a few of his conversations and we have a lot in common. This also might be turning to a slight obsession. I'm just so worried why I always worry what he thinks about me! Any advice on how to take care of this problem?

You have a very common personality type, those who start out shy/quiet but warm up and are just as outgoing as any extrovert once you are with people you know really well. I get that. The problem may be that he did not get that. By the fact that he was so outgoing as to talk first to someone he didn't know, he most likely is an extrovert. I have been both personalities. Back in HS, I learned how to be cured of social anxiety, which used to just be tossed in with the labeling 'shy'. Although I know now that your personality is more of what I would call shy and social anxiety as not being able to or afraid to talk to any other people but my own family. Yep, I was that bad. As outgoing as I am now, I find that I read peoples faces, expressions pretty well in conversation. I can tell when a person is wondering or questioning something. Even if you can't, you might try to head problems off in the beginning by letting a person you meet first time, know that although you are generally a friendly person with those you know for a while and are comfortable with, that you are really slow to warm up and tend to have a period of time initially when you are feeling more shy, slow to warm up and could come across as having low self esteem or low self confidence until you get to the point of being friends for a while. You could do this in the future with any new people you meet in school. This should stop them from jumping to conclusions that you are too introverted or shy for them to get along with well. The truth is that lots of friendly outgoing people will interact only on a need to basis in daily schedule with anyone who is too introverted or low self esteem, but when it comes to choosing possible new friends, we don't tend trying hard to make friends with such people.Imagince someone a hundredd times worse than your personality type, a person who never warms up once you do, they won't ever look you in the eye and will only sit and listen but never talk, just shrugs and silent facial expressions. I think after a while of having to carry the whole conversation practically, you would find you are not enjoying their company as much as you thought you might. In fact I once went to meet a guy who wrote to me on dating site. I asked if he was (name) and he nodded. Asked if he'd chosen a seat yet, he just pointed out where, I ended up carrying the whole conversation getting no more than a dozen words out of him. Most of those were yes, no, besides just silent shrugs. I told him it would not work out between us. I am too outgoing and need a person who loved to talk with me, sharing their thoughts and asking my opinions.

So don't hold anything against him, as most likely he just got a wrong impression. If you feel theres enough in common to be good friends, then I would approach and say something like, I just wanted to clarify something I should have given a heads up on when you first introduced yourself to me. I am pretty sure you are outgoing, an extrovert, and I can be eventually too, but only with those I have gotten to know well and feel comfortable with. I am one of those slow to start but warm up quickly types. I know we haven't talked since then so I wanted to make sure that a wrong impression of my personality was not the reason.

Who knows, maybe he will give it another try. But if it's something else, thats okay too. As humans, we don't have to prefer being with all types of people, its okay for whatever reason if someone believes they aren't right for you or you for them, even as just friends, then its a matter of personal choice and doesnt mean anything is wrong with you or wrong at all, other than the fact that the two of you are not going to be friends because of something you aren't that cool about or same for the other person. Don't change who you are to get friends, be yourself. But I know from experience in my life that I have more times than I can count when my heads up at the beginning of a meeting has always proved helpful. I don't do it every time, just when I think I see something in their eyes or facial expression or body behavior that seems like they just aren't quite on the same page as you or looked bored, confused, maybe turned off. I headed off lots of stupid misunderstanding in church where misunderstanding seems to happen a heck of a lot more than anywhere else. I even had a pastor tell me of what one parishioner thought of me, that I bad mouthed her kid. That is not me and the pastor was mature enough to know this and told me as he knew I would do the right thing. I went to her and told her that I had not done that and who ever told her had either misunderstood what they saw or heard or were just playing a game, a cruel game on her or plain old just lying to make trouble. Yes, even in church groups. By the end, we were hugging and crying together and never had problem with her again. So even sometimes, not just at first meet, but later on, you may learn that you need to explain yourself to others. People just don't ask questions or give others the benefit of the doubt, but make assumptions too quickly. If you can learn to at least do this, it should smooth out any such problems arising by nipping them in the bud so to speak. I wish you well dear.

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How do you know if your friend likes you truly during jokes or falling for you. Is there any particular sign or how he treats you? We joke a lot and joking seems like flirting time to time, I suppose, I could be wrong. But my inner instinct tells me that he likes me and I've started to like him recently I'm starting to feel something. He does say he likes me during the joke while we're laughing so hard, I say likewise but I don't know if he means anything or just I like you as friend. Cheers

If you are open to discovering if the two of you could both do well as being more than friends, then all you need to do is ask using that term. "You know, we've been doing really well as just friends together. It makes me wonder if the two of us could be more than friends. What do you think?"

This is the best non threatening way to give him a chance to say yes or no without it feeling awkward for him because you asked for his opinion. This part is crucial. If you don't ask, you won't get any answers you want from saying the first part. But once you ask his opinion, he knows you are expecting him to say something. So he will go either one way or the other. If he feels some romantic feelings towards you, then this is his chance to go for it without making any commitment to being your boyfriend as this is only a trial thing. ITs his chance to date you in a romantic capacity without having to come out and say he likes you that way. However if he sees you more platonically like a sister, no romantic/sexual attraction, then he will be quick to say no it wouldn't work because he doesn't feel that way about you.

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I know that not all Europeans hate the Romani gypsies, but I've met plenty and have yet to meet 1 who has a somewhat decent opinion of them. I'm not European, I am an Arab American. I haven't met many in my life, just caught glimpses of them selling things on the side of the road and when I go to Syria (before the civil war) there are a few here and there selling things and performing. Remember once a gypsy family moved next to my house, they were awful. Fought everyone and everything, wrecked havoc, their children acted like assholes, stole literally anything, drank, partied every night. But I figured I just had a bad run in, and their behaviour had nothing to do with their ethnicity. I notice coming from Europeans that while the continent is racist overall, they say insults about Romani that they would never be allowed to say about Arabs, black people, or Asians without outrage. Why is this? Have they done something to gain this status?


There are 'Bad Apples' to be found in all cultures, all races and all countries. The "bad" people are usually the only ones a person really see's because they don't care who's watching. They may be acting on grudges passed along down the family line toward a certain race/people from a bad experience. The bad people are more opinionated and believe themselves to be above everyone else. This has been going on in history for eons, even with early man. I too have only once in a serviced based company heard about the difficulty experienced by tech who went to the home of a family who eventually never paid for the services, etc.... But I never heard about other customers never paying. Lots of people form their beliefs based on what they experience. The thing is that most will not have a personal experience with a person of another culture who treated them badly and yet form their beliefs about a culture or people based on just one experience that others had. This is not a smart way to form ones beliefs. I have never lived in Europe so I can't speak on how Europeans view them for the most part but what few times I have heard peoples opinions, it is negative. My parents raised me to be accepting of all people in the world and only to decide on a person to person basis if any one person of any background is making the same bad choices in how they interact with me whether as friend, in business, etc. ONly judging each person for their own deeds. Thats as it should be. But most people tend to follow their peers rather than research or form ideas for themselves. Its rather stupid really. Its as dumb as if the first time a person ate a slice of bread but it was moldy and so they now tell everyone they can that all bread is unhealthy and moldy and tastes bad or assumes the baker is so badly skilled in baking that they should be avoided as a place to get bread. When we look at it that way, we are letting one bad experience outweigh all the good.
Yes, I know that that the good honest Romani's are not visible much at all in any country as they have learned how to hide out in the open and never share their heritage. Calling them Gypsy is considered like a racial slur, same like calling a black person nigger or every person of German descent a Nazi. They seem to be a forgotten overlooked people probably because they don't necessarily have a country to themselves where all the people are Romani. I will paste in a link I read about them.

http://www.livescience.com/44512-gypsy-culture.html

This article shares some history I didn't even know. That about 220,000 Romani's were killed along with Jews by Hitler. Yet today, there are museums and often enough stories come up to teach the public so we will never forget what happened to the Jews. Likewise, I grew up in school days being taught about the enslavery of black people by the white man. We hear stories about Native American history and how the white man took their land away from them by deception over and over. If anyone wants to point the finger and call someone untruthful or as gypping people, then plenty of white men did that to the Natives. However, I have read enough history also about one native tribe fighting against the other, a peaceful one. This fighting was going on long before white man showed up. So what does this all boil down to? No one race is evil. But mankind is a mixed bag of varying degrees between all good like God and evil or unGod-like. There are way less examples of what we consider good people but when there are ones, they are idolized and spoken of and shared about by media, like Mother Theresa. I don't think there is anyone who doesn't know who she was. Media has more examples of bad people to share and do so generously. They seem to have a power by training people to change their beliefs. A good example that has made more people open minded and accepting of gays or transgenders is how often you see that portrayed in TV shows or movies. The more it increased in media, the more people who realized they had a lot of misconceptions, have changed to become more acceptive and supportive. I also see lately more shows with bi racial couples. I think that is the next move to change peoples opinions. But humans change slowly if at all in their life times so not sure when the Romani's will get their chance at being accepted. What people see portrayed is what they will learn to believe, same as what I was taught in text books is what someone chose to portray historical events or certain peoples as.
According to the article I gave link to, theres still confusion as to where most Romani's originated from if they don't have a country of their own. Some beleived they came from Egypt, thus coming up with the word 'Gypsy' to designate a people that came from there originally but traveled to many places in Europe to settle. However the article explains how their language more resembles the language spoken in North India, Punjab, so it is now believed that Romani originally came from India. Many are shown as migrating straight to an area known as Romania, which may be where they finally came up with name for themselves as Roma or Romani. From that area, they spread to live in many other places like the Netherlands for example. Today any Romani you come across is going to fit in and look much like others of the same land if a certain group of Romani's did not strictly marry their own race but mixed, selecting wives from other cultures.
So as you ask if they have done somethig to gain their status, no I don't believe they did, just like any other race did not as a whole do something to gain their status either as needing to be exterminated, as being violent or trouble makers. The media still portrays too many black people as being trouble makers. Media of any form is the culprit I believe. Taking the blacks as example, I have met enough who are wonderful people, I do not see them as some one to be afraid will do some violence towards me. I do know that video will search high and low for all the bad stories about black people incidents when there are tons of good deed stories that never make it onto the news. So people will assume that because 5 blacks killed whites in the last week that it is a growing problem. What we don't realize is that those 5 people are probably less than one percent when you think of the amount of black people living in America. The history for Romani's as a people interacting with other cultures goes back way further than persecutions of other people. Although in history, many peoples did travel to relocate for whatever reason. It seems logical that one would go where the environment is better for survival, after all, in America, people will relocate from the town they grew up simply for jobs. I think that also because they don't have a country of their own, the Romani's aren't considered a people important enough to portray to the world in positive light or any way at all. Ignorance plain and simple, and not thinking for oneself but blindly accepting any others view point as honest truth, and finally, the want to control or own more land to settle is what ALL mankind finds comes easily to him. We have to choose to educate ourselves and not think ourselves better than others, after all, we are all Gods children and as such, we are all brothers and sisters, not by blood ties, but by soul/spirit ties. And God patiently waits for his kids to stop squabbling, grow up and learn to become more like him and therefore more accepting of all people. But its gonna take a long long time.

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hello. i'm a 26/f. I am a full time teacher and I have a second job teaching ESL to children in China from 6am-7am, right before I head to work. This second job has helped me a lot! I'm very grateful for it, especially, since this year, I was working at a school where I wasn't making so much money.

However, lately, I find myself very stressed and I'm not sure why. I was working three jobs at one point this year (just a few weeks ago, actually). I was working the ESL job in the morning, then, work all day, and afterward, tutoring in the afternoon. I was exhausted. So, I quit the tutoring job. You would think that my stress level has gotten better, but, in reality, I don't feel any better at all. I'm not sleeping well, I wake up more tired than when I went to sleep. My stomach is really swollen. I experience constant constipation or I go to the bathroom excessively. It's always one of the two. I don't go normally every day. I'm usually nauseous. I really only eat salad. However, I still find that I'm gaining weight by the days.

I look absolutely terrible My hair is brittle. There's bags under my eyes. It seems like I'm doing everything right. I'm eating healthy and I quit the third job. But, somehow, it hasn't helped. I know we are nearing the end of the year and I understand that we are all excited and anxious for summer. However, I just feel really edgy. The children are not helping. They are being very loud, talking excessively, and I just feel like it's tunnel vision. I don't feel in control of my own body or my classroom.

Has anyone ever experienced anything like this?

thank you in advance.

I have not experienced that. However some things came to mind. Even if we are currently eating "healthy", there can be a lot of heavy metal build up and other toxins in our body that haven't gone away yet. I also know that with GMO foods, those are the kinds of foods that are sprayed with pesticides, namely Glyphosate which is poison to humans and can cause cancer at worst or many other seemingly less major medical problems and a big one is affecting the stomach and intestines in different ways. Since such stuff was introduced into the environment heavy duty from the same time you were born, you have been exposed to as much of it as I have at my late 50s. Everyone I know is starting to experience lots of same issues. My niece is only 16 and has tons of medical issues with GI tract and my daughters are starting to have some minor issues.
I would say that it is always good to get an exam with Dr. But no matter what they say, use your own common sense and try for natural alternatives to heal. So if its stomach or intestinal issues as you say, I have a few suggestions.
For constipation: if high fiber foods alone aren't helping, the good bacteria in your gut might be missing. My hubby has had similar problems but in his case, not ulcers per se, but Drs saw rips and tears in his stomach, bleeding so hard once he was passing out and ended up in Emergency/hospitalized. Instead of taking the meds long term that they suggested cus he didn't like side effects, he started taking probiotics daily. It also depends on how much is in a treatment. Most come in powder form or capsules with the powder. You add it to room temp or slightly warm drink/water. No hot drinks. Watch the stuff bubble. Then drink it. the best ones are available at health supplement stores and best of all are the one months worth cus he's tried the cheaper ones. Costs a bit but you might try that for 2 months. That alone should make you more regular. Avoid using anti diarrhea or constipation meds as these make the conditions worse and prolong them too. I also found that taking Castor oil is good to treat constipation. As for foods, off the list of things I had not tried yet was avocados. I increase water intake but also eat an entire avocado myself and get results later same day or next day.
When your body can't eliminate properly, you'll find your whole body can't work right and some effects are feeling more sluggish, and even looking and feeling older. Can't tell you what to do about the classroom, but I'd bet if you were really at optimum health that you would not feel so lost or out of control.

I was going to say that since you were working 3 jobs, you basically did not have enough time for rest and probably to get proper meals. I don't know your habits but even eating so called healthy foods may not be right for your body, definitely fast foods are bad, and pre packaged foods are usually way way worse than fresh, made from scratch. You don't have to beleive me if I sound too opinionated on this but I can't stress enough how important it is to really learn more about whats in our foods and how to avoid whats bad, adding supplements of important vitamins, minerals and amino acids missing in our foods. The foods of today are nothing like they were when I was a kid or grandparents were kids. There is a lack of nutritional value. I take a multi vitamin by a health company. Even that doesn't have most of the amino acids and minerals missing from our diets. Some decrease with age as in my case and need to be added. I am still learning of more things I want to try. A good way to start learning is if you have facebook, to like the pages of natural and organic health related sites to show up first in your feed and read them all daily. There are some crazy things that end up in there, but most are very informative. Also when I hear of a supplement, I don't go by one article but start researching it on the web on many other sites. If interested, let me know and I can give alist of the ones I have liked on Facebook.
As for brittle hair, perhaps it is overuse of dying, curling, straightening, perms, etc. but again, not just diets but supplements missing can also impact hair greatly and skin too. You are too young to have skin and hair issues so I'd have to say you may not be as healthy as you think. I'd also suggest looking into Ayurvedic medicine on line and read about the 3 main body types and what foods are good/not good for each. When I do eat too much of a food that is listed as not good for me, I can become very gassy, get diarrhea. The constipation is only if I don't get enough of correct foods and little liquids. If you can't find the info on line, and want it, let me know as there are on line tests you can take to discover which of the 3 body types or dosha's as they call it, that you are.
Lastly, stress often leads to depression. Not an if but when. This would not be clinical depression but situational depression. And that I also have suggestions for. There are little things a person can do whenver they feel too stressed. That pressure needs to be released. Everyone is different by I have a list that even a Psychologist that someone I know of got from the Dr. in their one free visit through work insurance. I knew of these before, finding them on the web and will share with you if you are intested. again, just let me know by writing to me from my column, like entering a brand new question.

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I started taking lamotrogine/lamictal on the 23rd of April and I barely upgraded to 100mg yesterday. Each time I eat I feel nauseated. This happened last time I took lamotrigine so I stopped taking it, and eventually had to take it again due to bipolar disorder. The nausea started the first week when I started taking it and lasted for nearly 2 weeks. It eventually subsided but now it seems it's coming back.

I am also eating about 50/60 carbs a day and I have been doing this for a week or so.

My blood sugar is now running in the low 100s or lower. I'm experiencing nausea and lack of appetite (which I suppose might be caused by the medication) Again, I've been eating low carb for a week or so and I've had no problems.

Could it be from the medication or from the diet?

(I am also not diabetic)

I can not be sure if you are having a drug interaction with something else you take or if it is simply the side effect your body has from it. I checked and its not a new drug, created in 1994. So most side effects would definitely be known by now. So check with your doctor. If its not good for you, then perhaps they can find an alternative drug. If there are any foods that you may be developing allergic reaction to, perhaps there is knowledge of that as well, problems combined with eating certain foods. We wouldn't know as we're not Drs. My only experience is with anxiety, not depression personally. I was cured of anxiety when I was a HS senior. But I have read about Drs. who will do lots of testing for what the underlying problems are contributing to depression or other mental disorders. I prefer naturopaths to integrated physicians who do a little of both. Some Drs. do much better in their field than others as its not just a job but they have passion for their work and helping people. So if at any point in time, you feel you are not getting help from current Dr. start looking for another. As a past caregiver, I remember taking a client to meet with lots of different Dr.s until she found one who didn't just toss statements like, theres nothing wrong or I can't give you pain meds but actually doing the investigating to ask questions and find out what may be the issue. So when you see your Dr. about this, Don't expect that they will know what questions to ask, just tell them anything and everything that you think might be affecting you. Try not to get stuck taking meds for the side effects and then getting side effects from the side effect medicine. I have a sister who over a decade has had one after another drug added to take care of side effects of side effects, etc til she has to take about a dozen or more pills a day. She's shown me the handful. If you want to treat the bipolar, you may have to invest time into finding a Dr. who doesn't keep pushing meds for side effects but will find you the one medication that takes care of your bi polar without any side effects. Good luck.

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So I have this long-term friend and we got in contact again recently after a while of not speaking, and he told me he was depressed so I wanted to help, but I can tell that he lies about a lot of things. For example, he told me that he might have Alzheimer's and Dementia and he's only 17! He's said too many things to even name, but his lies are becoming more convincing as though he's trying not to get caught. He says he is depressed but he's OK when I'm OK and unhappy when I'm unhappy, and when something happens to me he'll make up a story about something going on in his life to make his situation sound worse than mine; he'll complain all the time about situations that probably aren't even happening! All his friends have cut him off because he's sent them pictures of his self-harm and saying he was going to kill himself, but I don't want to cut him off, I just want him to stop lying to me and attention-seeking! What should I do?

PS. My social anxiety makes it difficult to confront him because I'm too shy.

I don't see this situation resolving anytime soon. If a majority of his stories involve health issues and him suspecting he's got all sorts of diseases/medical conditions, he may be hypochondriac. That alone, despite any other possible lies and attention seeking plots, point at the fact that he has distorted thinking. Everyone has distorted thoughts every once in a while but we quickly recognize them for what they are, a bunch of B.S. and we usually drop it. But some people stay focused 24/7 on worst case scenarios, imagining the worst possible outcome. This distorted thinking is also called a Cognitive disorder by professionals. Cognitive disorders can lead to anxieties, while for many depression is caused by deficiancies in much needed, amino acids, minerals and vitamins the brain needs to function properly and not be depressed. Synonyms of the word 'depressed' are many includng the words low or down. I believe that is where the word depression comes from. Because what is actually happening is that for All suffering depression, the levels of the chemicals/neuro transmitters (NT's) our brain needs to function well and also be in positive happy moods can run 'low' or be critically 'down'. Not all causes are genetic, the only situation in my eyes that require medical intervention of prescription drugs. Here is an article for you to help you understand what is going on for your friend.

http://www.neurogistics.com/the-science/what-are-neurotransmitters

What you might do after reading that is see if you can suggest the list of possilbe ingrediants missing in his diet that contribute to causing depression. I do not know anything of his personal and family life growing up but there could be stress from there too if his life situations are really crummy. So read the next link too.

http://www.everydayhealth.com/columns/therese-borchard-sanity-break/nutritional-deficiencies-that-may-cause-depression/

With all that I have shared, I hope you see that there isn't much you can do to help him if he doesn't recognize that he has a problem or does not believe he needs help or that anything can help. Every person is different so when it comes to treating oneself naturally, some things works on people while it doesn't on others but there is always something that helps. I would recommend his seeing a Psychologist who uses a particular method of working with patients called "CBT". This is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and works first on trying to treat a person by going for the underlying problems, distorted thinking, rather than the band-aid solution to cover up and mask the symptoms of depression. Since he is 17, its close but he is not yet an adult and is he goes to college, he can still be on parents medical coverage. As such, it would seem the more important factor here is what his parents think about whats going on with him? Are they too busy and dysfunctional a family to even notice or does he hide it well from them? I had a daugther who told me in her 20s that she had been depressed since she was a teen. There was no sign of it and I was deeply involved in the lives of my kids and talking with them. They knew there was no subject taboo and that I did not freak out or fly off the handle as some people might. So lots was discussed except that. I know it is awkward but someone might want to check if his parents know and give them some helpful info to check into. I think it would be even more awkward for you as his friend to contact his parents and let them know whats going on. Parents though do want the best for their kids but may listen to another adult before listening to his peers. Does your Mom know whats going on with him? Talk to her. Perhaps she'd be willing to give a heads up to his parents. SO lastly here is a website of Dr. David Burns, a psychologist turned author to educate people that there are ways for most depression patients to be healed. the method isn't new any longer but main stream Psychology still doesnt use it. They would have to search for a Dr. who is trained in CBT. If after that treatment there is no improvement, then lastly, they will still recommend medication. But medicating right away doesnt let a person discover if it could have been cured another way and so many do not like side affects of medications. So heres the site for you to read, maybe your Mom and then if she feels it appropriate to pass on to his parents, either you or Mom could do that. The problem is if the parents don't think he has a problem and he doesnt either and doesn't want to get better. By the way, there is hope for you too cus I used to have social anxiety and no longer do because of the CBT method. There are many for anxieties as well. You might want to read "When Anxiety Bites" by Dr. David Burns which is also listed on this website but I checked out a copy from the library instead of buying. I wanted this info to help others as I was healed back in last year of high school and am now in late fifties.

https://feelinggood.com/

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First off, I do plan on seeing a doctor for this if it continues, but I wanted to get other people's opinions on it first.

For years off and on I've had this issue come up with my knees where if I walk more than one mile, go up more than a couple flights of stairs, or otherwise put strain on my knees that they'll feel as if they're dislocating. One is usually significantly worse than the other and it gets so painful I can't walk or put weight on my knee(s). It's even worse when it's cold outside.

I hadn't experienced it happen in about 5 months, but today I moved to a new apartment that's 3 stories up and had to make probably around 8 trips up and down the stairs and by the end of the night I was limping and could barely walk.

It didn't hurt going up the stairs nearly as much, mostly down the stairs, but it was still incredibly painful.

I would have seen a doctor sooner, but the issue is the pain is usually gone the next day. There's also never been any swelling, redness, or other visible symptoms and because I'm young I don't feel like a doctor would take it seriously.

I'm also worried that this is normal after putting stress on your knees?

Am I overthinking it that something might actually be wrong?

It could be a torn meniscus, my husband had that too, a little tear Drs. deemed not worthwhile to go in to fix and had him instead do knee strengthening exercises. Of course in his case, he broke his leg in two places and ankle too. If you cannot recall something that could have caused it, doesnt matter, just have a Dr. look to see whats going on.

I also have a daughter mid twenties, who for about 4 years has complained to me about how her knees hurt after a while with standing a lot and especially in doing stairs. She is a yoga instructor and eats healthy but her job requires her to be on her feet all day. It is a little better right now. She never did see a Dr. I also heard of a couple other people who have jobs that require a lot of standing for great lengths of time. I don't know anything about what's going on but my natural curiosity and using logic makes me wonder if there is a significance that people who stand great lengths of time more often have knees bothering them with walking and stairs. It would be a good idea if you have insurance to have your Dr. check it out.

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Sorry, a little long, the other day, he was helping me with the lesson and he's such a decent boy. Known him for a quite a while now and we got to know each other. Meanwhile, he asked me if I was hungry and went for a burger afterwards. Told him I might be moving near my parents but we can stay in contact if you wish, he said I will always stay in contact with you. So you're leaving me, i shall miss you he said, I told him come on you're a decent human being and we're friends, that moment I don't know but while we're still eating, he says you're making me love you, you know, I like you but now you're making me love you. I just smiled saying nothing. So, why would he use love word? I do have a tiny crush on him. What do you think because you guys are smart people? Want to ask him badly but just get scared. Cheers

I wish that when guys say something the girl doesn't understand that they'd ask right on the spot for clarification. All you can do now is mention that you've been thinking about what he said the other day, mention the words he used and tell him you are still puzzling over it. If you have a couple different possiblities that it might mean, let him know what you are thinking. Unless you share the thoughts you are thinking when they say something, you are never going to understand.

Just the words alone sound promising, it means the guy is processing his feelings and as he discovered more about you, like what he sees even more but hearing you might move and he won't see you anymore or as easily is what got him to realize that perhaps he likes you a whole lot more than even he realized. Often, a person doesnt know if they love someone until it too late and they've lost them. Also, when hearing they may be separated distance wise, or lets say one is being asked out by a third party, the other will realize, hey, if I don't speak up now, I might lose them to this other person. Since he is the one who brought up the word 'love', I see no reason why it should be awkward to bring up what he said the other day. You could ask for clarification on what he meant by love. Then give him two choices. One is: "Is it love like a favorite icecream flavor or your favorite football team kind of love, loving just specific things, or are you talking about the kind of love as in falling in love with everything about a person.

See, the two loves are quite different. One is more self indulgent, picking and choosing the things they like about you, but can they also embrace your differences and encourage you to follow and use your talents, which one does if they are in love. In love means they embrace not just aspects about you but you as a whole and putting your happiness and contentedness above their own and finding they enjoy your company so much that it doesn't change after the years roll by and a couple in love want to spend even more time together because it makes life so much more fun having them with you. This is what you need to find out, what kind of love he is talking about. He may not be at the falling in love stage yet, but the timing of you saying you might move is what got this comment from him, so if I were you, I'd rather ask for clarification.
Why did you smile and say nothing? If you like him enough to wish to date him to see if he turns out to be the kind of man you want at your side rest of life, then dating would be the next step, dating as a way to investigate more about the person and see if what you feel for them strengthens vs dating for an already committed couple. A smile only means that a person is friendly ahd approachable but doesn't convery to him what you thought of what he said. He may still not have a clue and rightly so. Tossing out one phrase that could have different meanings but sounds like a hint to how they feel, can go either way. If you can imagine yourself a decade from now dating or married to another man and still wondering if anything could have sparked between you two, then you owe it to yourself to find out now or forever will you wonder for the rest of your life.

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