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I sometimes take long breaks from the site. I'm more than happy to answer anyone's questions, but just make sure they're not too time sensitive. :)

Facts about me:
*happy
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*married
*large extended family
*bisexual
*advanced college degree
*no kids (yet)

advice

I'm 13, and I've been told for around two years from time to time that I'm kinda stiff. "I need to be more fluid and less jerky." Yeah, I suppose that is true. Only, I don't know how. I'm not very sporty.. but.. can anyone recommend some simple techniques I can do.. at home.. to start becoming more flexbile/fluid? I haven't got horrible posture or anything but I really could improve and would really like to be more fluid. I want to do something about it, and any help would really be appreciated. Thanks in advance.

I'll bet yoga could help you. Just get a yoga video or something similar and work on it a little each day. It's not something you need to really get into, but I believe that you could really benefit from fifteen or so minutes of yoga every day. I hope it works for you and good luck!

Here is my problem. I am gay but I dont know how to ask guys out. I am always so afriad of what they might do.(e.i. gay bashing, beat me up,) So I just admire guys from a far and never talk to them and so then I end up unfufilled and emotionally drianed. Because I dont know how to talk to them. It is totally different if they come up to me or if a friend introduces them to me then I can usually be my charming self. But I just feel like something's wrong when I am in a gay bar for almost a week straight and I dont get hit on by anyone. So how do I talk to guys and how do I get over my fears?

Try not to connect your fear of asking someone out with your sexuality. It's actually quite unrelated. Basically I'm going to tell you what I would tell anyone that was afraid of asking someone out. You have to get over your fear. Just work up the courage and walk over there. You go to a gay bar. That is the best place for you to be especially with your fear. People there will be more open to you than say, walking up to someone in a mall. Most of the time people are looking for confidence. You don't have much of that right now. If you sit in a gay bar for a week and nobody hits on you it's not because you're not good looking or anything like that. It's because they can see that you're not very confident. I used to have the same problem as you. I was so afraid to put myself out on the line. I didn't want to take the risk of getting hurt. I got over my fear when I realized that the risk wasn't all that big. What you're doing to yourself now is hurting you much more than a rude comment or a rejection will. Trust me, I know how hard it can be, but I have faith in you. Take a deep breath and just do it. Good luck!

Ok I'm still talking about the same girl that I'm in love with, ill tell the whole story now though. Shes tends to like the assholes and i always try to show it to her that she needs a better guy, not necessarily me but someone good for her. I would do anything for her, and i want her to know that, she may already from some things in the past i just dont know what to do. I need ideas on how to get her, that might actually work, shes a really nice girl so i can do anything trashy, shes just perfect for me and i will never feel complete without her. Please give me some advice on how to get her in my life.

Sounds like you're stuck in the "friend zone". It's close to impossible to get out of that, but I do have an idea for you that may work. Watch the movie "Just Friends" with her. After it's over, have some sort of present for her. Try to make it romantic such as flowers, a necklace, or something you made. Tell her that you really care about her and you would love it if she gave you a chance. You could even take a line from the movie that would be appropriate if you want. Don't tell her you love her just yet because it may scare her away. Just be really sweet for now. I wish you the very best of luck and I hope that she says yes, you sound like a great guy.

Ok so this friend of mine is really rich and all kinds of girls try to get with him all the time. He's had it happen a few times that the chick he's been with uses him for his money.
He says he doesn't care that girls go after him for his money because it's just a way for them to connect and get to know each other better. I think if a girl is after your money, she's after your money and she isn't interested in getting to know you.
If I had that kind of money and I knew a girl I was seeing wasn't in it for the real me, it would be a MAJOR turn off.
What is your opinion on this? Wouldn't it bother anyone that people are after such a supreficial thing?

You are absolutely right, but I can see where he is coming from. He can't get rid of the money. It's almost like a part of him. If a girl knows about the money, should he waste the opportunity that they might end up happy together? I'm sure you've seen the movies where people date each other because of a bet and they end up liking each other. Same concept. Even if the initial intentions weren't good, something good could come out of it. Yes, it bothers me a lot that some people (both girls and guys) go after material things instead of each other. However, that's their personality flaw though, not your friend's. Don't give him a hard time over something he can't control. Be happy for him that he has so many opportunites. He sounds like a smart guy. I don't think he'd get mixed up with a girl that just wanted his money for too long. I hope I helped you understand what your friend is going through a little better. Remember that it's not always black and white. 99% of the time it's some form of grey.

i've been with this girl for a few months now even though we are usually in different towns. i don't konw if she accepts me as her boyfriend yet, even though when i asked her about it she does not give a yes or now but merely keeps communicating with me amorously. How do i find out form her if she takes me to be her boyfriend, if she akes me seriously if she has someone else,etc. Thank you.

She could just be using you. Some people need the kind of attention that a relationship can give them, but they either don't want to or are afraid of committing. You don't want to get too involved with her if she's just going to blow you off when something she thinks is better comes along. Who knows, since you live in different towns she could already have a boyfriend! You need to get a straight answer from her. Not necessarily a yes or no though. If she is afraid of committment, you don't want to scare her off. Tell her that you need to talk about the status of your relationship. Knowing if you are, in fact, her boyfriend is really important to you. Don't let her avoid the question. Make her talk about it because even if she doesn't give you a clear cut answer, you will be able to find out why she's not giving you one. I've had issues in the past where I was afraid, not of committment, but of saying that I was comitted. I felt like after I said it, there was no way out. Try to be understanding of her, but you do need to push her. I hope that everything works out with you two and good luck! :)

OK so on saturday is a semi at my school (all girls school) so i asked my best guy friend to go with me, he said yes. We both dont like dancing, and like dancing to the fast songs, i dont really care about. But like, slow dancing, i mean all my other friends & their dates r gonna be slow dancing, and i would really want to slow dance. Im not gonna ask him cus that would be too weird. But what do yu think i should do?

and PS- how do yu slow dance? haha like where to yur arms go, how do you move?

You can definitely ask him to slow dance! I've slow danced with lots of my friends. It might be a little weird if you get really close or lean on him or something, but slow dancing with friends can be a lot of fun. It's only awkward if you let it be awkward. The "how to" part of the question has been answered well by other columnists and I'm a terrible dancer so I'll spare you from that. Good luck...I know you'll have a ton of fun!

is it bad to charge your battery every day??

thanks

It depends a lot on what you're talking about exactly. I have heard from a professional that keeping your laptop plugged in isn't good for the battery. Letting the battery get low then charging it, letting it get low, charging it, etc., is what you should do. If you leave it plugged in, the battery doesn't last as long when you do let it run low. So a battery that lasted 6 hours when you got it, after awhile may only last for four. Now, this may hold true for some things and not for others. I would suggest looking in your owner's manual or calling a toll free number to find out for your particular battery. Try to give more information the next time you ask a question. Knowing what kind of battery you're talking about is important. The more information you give, the more we can help :)

are so i recently got side bangs and i love them but they only look good if i wear my hair half up half down or up all the way or braids...they look bad if i wear my hair down cause i dont know..i have straight hair..does anyone know any other cute hair styless

ill rate high for tryin =]

I've had terrible bang problems in the past. Sometimes I found that clipping them back helped. Try doing that when your hair is down and see what it looks like. Another suggestion is to talk to a hair stylist about it. You may get some good ideas. Otherwise, I'll bet it doesn't look as bad as you think. I hope my suggestion helps and if not, good luck! :)

Well I like this guy Adam, me him and a bunch of other people went to see When a stranger calls and threw the whole movie we were flirting and you know the rest. Well Carly, the person who organzied the little get together. Well her mom came and she has a van it was really cramped up front so, a couple people (Me, Adam, 4 other friends) moved to the back and we laid down because Carly`s mom had a old van and it was able to turn the back into a bed so we did that. I was tired so I used Adam as a pillow and then I got up to fix my shoe (I had sandles on) and then I laid back down and he put his arm around my waist. & from about 11pm-2am we sat there kissing, holding hands so forth. Then I was confused because I didnt know he liked me like that so I called him and he said we should keep that to ourselves so I was like okay. Then he asked out Danielle ( a good friend of mine, she didnt go to the movies ) and I was lost because he just held my hand and kissed me then asked out my best friend. She hasnt said yes or no yet, but I really want him. I dont know how to get him to be mine and not hers. Please help !

Aww...well I know how this is going to sound to you, but no, you don't love him and he most certainly doesn't love you back. You are infatuated with him. Love needs passion, like what you have, but it also needs romance and committment, both of which you do not have. What you are feeling is attraction and lust. Sure, you may like his personality too, but there is no emotional connection. Trust me, I know exactly how you feel. It still hurts when I look back on when I got played. It hurts a lot, however, I realize that it was something I let happen to me by the way I went about letting him know that I liked him. The things he said to me, he wasn't being serious about, he was just following suit with what I was doing and having fun with it. He wasn't serious and I was. The worst part about it, though, wasn't how I felt it was that I almost missed my chance with my current boyfriend because I dwelled on the other guy. Even though I'm still hurt by what happened I've gotten over the guy. Just be patient, you'll be okay. There will be other guys and other opportunities. There are lots of guys out there that you could be happy with. Take your time if you need it. Admit to yourself that nothing worthwhile is going to happen between you and Adam. That is the first step. I wish you strength and luck.

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Just because a person makes out with you doesn't mean they like you. You were sleeping on him. You practically threw yourself at him and he wasn't about to pass up the offer especially since he's single and you're, I'm guessing quite good looking. He really played you. It was a nasty thing to do, but don't get attached to him. He's not worth it even if you like him. He won't be loyal to you. Try to talk your friend out of dating him to. Don't do it for you, do it for her. If either of you date him, you're just asking to get hurt. I'm so sorry that this happend to you, I've been played really bad in the past too, so I know how much it sucks. Try to get over him and don't let your feelings for him control your actions. In other words, follow your head and not your heart. Be smart about it. Some advice for the future: don't put out so much until you are more sure of his feelings for you and his intentions. Don't make out with a guy unless you know he likes you. This requires actually talking to him about it, which can be really hard, but can help prevent stuff like this from happening in the future. I hope I helped you and I wish you the best of luck.

everyone in my grade says that if you are around someone who has there period for a long time then you will get it too (after you already had it a few times)
i don't know if it is true, but it seems true becasue i think it happened to me..
does anyone know if it is really true though?

Just a myth. Outside factors cannot affect your period at all. Think of it this way. There's a 1 in 4 chance that you will have your period at the same time as another person. There's 4 weeks in a month and you get it once a month. Plus, it's rare at a young age to have a regular cycle, so it jumps around a lot, increasing the chance of coincidence even more.

okay so its hard for me to tell my whole situation here.. but ill try. i had this boyfriend last year. and everything was great. i loved him soooo much. but then he broke up with me. we stayed friends, but things werent the same. then school was out, and it was summer and we didnt talk at all. i really missed him, i couldnt stop thinking about him, and i knew i still loved him. then school started again, id see him in the halls and everything, and i wanted to talk to him.. but i was just to scared to. i was always wondering what he was thinking. he finally talked to me in december. he told me he still had feelings for me and everything, and that he had just been to nervous to talk to me. we talked for a while, and after a week or two, he asked me for a second chance. he knew he had messed up really badly last time, and he wanted to fix it. for some reason, i knew it was the right thing to do. so we've been going out for almost 2 months now. everything is great, and i love him more than anything. he feels the same way. we've talked about sex a couple times, and we decided that we're going to wait. we both want to, but we decided that waiting is the best thing to do. we know we're going to be together for the rest of our lives.. but just in case.. you know? so anyways, we started talking about it again lately, and im wondering if sometime when it feels right, if i should do it. like, ive always been the kind of person that knows i should wait until marriage, but waiting until then doesnt really matter if i know its with the person ill be with forever. and i know hes the one. so i guess im just wondering if i should do it or not.. i need other peoples opinions, but i dont want to ask my friends.

Everybody always says to follow your heart, but it's your head that's usually right. Don't have sex just because you feel ready. Have sex when you are ready. You have to be ready to face all of the risks both physical and emotional. You need to use an effective form of protection, know how it works, and know that it might not work. Are you ready for pregnancy? What happens if it really isn't forever? It sounds like you're still pretty young and a lot can happen in a few years. Would you refrain from using physical protection even though the chances of pregnancy are small? No. So why leave yourself unprotected emotionally? It's the people that believe nothing will happen that get in trouble. If you've decided that it's better not to have sex, stick with that. Sex isn't something that people should take so lightly. I hope that I helped you and good luck.

Ok well valentines day is coming up and i hate it. Cause it's always the time you find out nobody likes me and well i'm not ugly like i can show u a pic but i feel soo freakin ugly and unwanted when i don't get asked out or even asked to dance. So my friend told me to ask them. Do guys like it when girls ask them to dance? Or do they thinks is weird and depret? (sorry if i spelled that wrong lol)

Guys aren't the only ones that can ask! I've asked guys to dance before. It's not that big of a deal and I'm sure that guys like it just as much as girls...we're all people after all. I hope I helped you and good luck. Don't get so down in the dumps on Valentine's day. It really is a dumb holiday.

I am 18 years old and have never had this before...I know what discharge is and that is not what i have right now. What i have is white stuff on the inners of my labias. It is white and It keeps appearing the past few days.

It is discharge. It's just a little thicker and not that much of it. Nothing to worry about, just make sure that you wash really well.

i have a girl, even though we dont sleep with each other yet. she doesnt call me. i do all the calling, all the time. when i told her am not comfortable about her not calling, she yet odesnt call. shoudl i keep taking her seriously?

First off, knowing how old she was would help a lot. I'm 19 and I used to have an honest fear of talking on the phone. Even today sometimes I have trouble. I know that other people have it too, and maybe your gf is very shy. If she's under age 16, which I'm guessing she is, she's still quite young so cut her some slack. Don't just tell her that you're not comfortable with her not calling, tell her to call. Be more straighforward about it. Help her get over her fears or shyness or whatever it may be. Talk through it with her and ask her "why". Be nice and understanding about it. That's how I got through it. I hope I helped you and good luck! :)

does anyone else find this strange? My bf moved to another province 3 months ago for a job. He said we'd stay in contact via email, and even gave me his old computer for this. I got the internet hooked up because of him. Well I had tried sending him emails but they all got returned. I phoned him 6 weeks ago and actually got a hold of him (he works 12 hours shifts two weeks straight before he gets a break). I asked him why my emails were not getting answered and he said that (in an annoyed voice) he hadnt hooked it up yet. Well that was almost two months ago that I phoned him and it still isnt hooked up. And this is a guy that used to check his email religiously. Does anyone have any idea why he would do this? And is it possible that his internet is hooked up but he changed his email address?

Awww, it sounds like he blocked you. In any case, the relationship is over. Try making a new e-mail address yourself and see if an e-mail will go through with that. If he did in fact block you, you'll want to make sure you get all your feelings out in that e-mail that you try to send. Make sure you let him know how much of a jerk move it was to block you. Tell him that he may be scared to tell you that it's over but you aren't. Be very firm and make sure he knows you are upset and why. If that one gets sent back too, it's possible that he deleted the account or he's really telling the truth. I would suggest calling him again and reaming him out for not caring enough about you to hook up his computer and break up with him anyways. Whatever happens, there needs to be some closure on this relationship. Somehow you two need to officially break up and I think that you should be the one to do it. I'm so sorry that this happened to you and I wish you the best of luck and happiness in the future.

Do you think 5ft 4in and 140lbs is large (fat) for a 13 almost 14 year old? Especially one who is a dancer? So many different websites say so many different things I do not know who is right! Plus, my instuctor at my dance studio is stressing how in shape we need to be for the preformance and how we all need to be at slim weights so we will look "fabulous" on stage and in our costumes. So far I am the biggest girl in my 2 classes, whoop de do!

People like your instructor are the reason why girls in their teens have such a negative body image. You aren't fat at all and I'll bet you look better in your costume than a twig with no figure would. Your instructor needs to realize that what he/she is saying has a big influence on you and your fellow students. You are, believe it or not, in a dangerous environment that is prone to disorders such as bulimia and anorexia. I think that you should ask your parents to get together with some of the other parents in order to talk with your instructor. It isn't an instructor's place to say anything like that. It's okay to tell you to work out and keep in shape, but having to be slim to look good is going much too far. I hope that I helped you and good luck. I'm sure you'll look great in your costume. :)

my boyfriend fingered me and i got really wet(yah know) is that a good thing or bad? another thing how do i know when im ready to have sex with my b/f
thanks in advance

It's a good thing. The fact that you didn't know that shows that at this point you aren't even close to being ready for sex. When you have sex for the first time is up to you, but it's important to BE ready, not just feel ready. You need to consider all the consequences and understand sex. You need to use an effective form of birth control, know how it works, and realize that it may not work. STD's and pregnancy are two things you definitely don't want to happen. Knowing these physical risks as well as the emotional risks (such as regret or attachment for the wrong reasons) and preparing for all of them makes you ready for sex. Whether you choose to have it at that point or not is up to you. All things considered, I don't think that it's a good idea to have sexual intercourse before you're 18 and personally, I'm saving myself for marriage. Sex can really complicate things. It can be good to experiment with other sexual things though such as manual sex or oral sex. I hope I helped you and good luck. :)

After 3 years of dating my true love, she decided we needed some time apart to get our priorities straight. its going on 3 weeks, and not a day goes by without her calling me, we hang out from time to time, however, there is ovbiously no intimacy. I love her so much and I know she loves me cause she has told me. My question is, with valentines day comming up, iam not sure if i should get her the flowers and a present...I dont wanna look like im trying to push her into getting back with me, and at the same time i dont wanna look like i dont care about her if i dont give her anything...what should i do?

I would say just get her a nice bouquet, vase, or arrangement of flowers and a card. A present is a little too much for just being friends. No roses because, again, it's too much for friends. In the card put something that screams out friend, but still whispers "I love you". If you have trouble thinking of something inbox me and I'll try to help you out. Have the card and flowers sent, don't deliver them yourself. It's actually sweeter that way and it sends the "friend, but I love you" message. When she calls you, be a little more obvious with the "I love you" and see how she responds. If she doesn't take it well back off and be patient. If she does, this could be your opportunity to make her yours on valentine's day! Good luck. :)

I am 14 and my mom won't let me wear thongs. My sister is 16 and still is not allowed to wear them. Alot of my firends wear them and some don't. Sure part of the reason I want them is because alot of people wear them but that not the whole reason. I don't want panty lines when I wear sweats of whatever. My mom has always been overprotected, she didn't let me or my sister wear a bikni until last summer. Last weekend I tried on a really cute bathing suit and all she did was say how it was to low and I need to wear something more modest or I will be sending the wronge message. She thinks if I wear a low bikni someone will come and rape me, to make a long story short she is inpossible to shop with. Anyway If I could get a thong it would make me feel that I beat my mom and won. Don't get me wrong I love my mom we don't have a bad relaship at all. It just she very religous and hard to talk to. Oh and even if I did buy a thong behind her back. I've never done my own laundry in my life so she defintly know something was up. Sorry that it was so long, guess I got carried away.

I think that you need to have an adult talk about it with your mom. She doesn't understand the times. When she was growing up, sure, those may have been the standards, but things have changed. Would she have worn the clothes that her parents wore? Probably not. In all likelihood, they tried to get her to, just like she's trying to get you to. In other words, she could be quite the hyporcrite. Wearing a low bikini or a thong may have given the wrong message 20 years ago, but today, it's a bit different. If you wear "granny panties" or a once piece bathing suit you are considered prude, not modest. Modesty is an attitude, not a wardrobe. Being raped is something terrible that happens more from the situation rather than what you are wearing. Again, try having an adult conversation with your mom instead of begging and whining. Have your sister help you. If both of you approached her in a mature way, she may consider your wishes. If she still won't budge, maybe you should invite her to visit your school one day. To walk around and see what kids are wearing today. Even the littlest ones. Ask her if she thinks that all of those kids are giving the wrong message or are going to be raped. Tell her that you want to have your own style and be who you want to be, not to have all aspects of your life controlled by her. If she's controlling such things as what you can wear to an unreasonable level, can she really trust herself not to try to control you in other ways too? Is she going to pick your college? Where you live? Your job? Your spouse? If she wants you to be so "safe" as to pick out your clothes for you she might as well make some of these more important decisions in your life. Eventually, she's going to have to let you go and make your own "mistakes" to learn from them. Does she really believe that forcing you to wear a certain type of clothing is going to stop you from doing it in the future? No, it's going to make you want it more. Parents are not supposed to control their teens as much as let them go and just hope that the morals that they've instilled into them throughout their childhoold can help them become good people. Bring up some of these things to your mom. They should help a little. If nothing works at all for awhile, maybe you should try talking to your grandmother about it. Grandmas can be really cool about this type of thing. She may be able to help you. Well, I hope that I helped you and I wish you luck.

PS Thongs aren't all they're cracked up to be. They're quite uncomfortable and not as many people wear them as you would think. Also, they leave even worse panty lines sometimes. Be open to the fact that if you end up trying them out you might not like them, so only get one or two to start so that you don't waste a lot of money. Those little buggers can get pretty expensive!

what type of cd do you need to copy your powerpoint presentation on ?

I use CD-RW's. Actually, now I have a USB memory device, but CD-RW is what I used before I got one of those. The difference between R and RW is that after you burn a CD-R, you can't put anything else on it. It's a one time deal. With a CD-RW, you can erase files and you can put more files on after the initial burn. The only thing is, it's silly to erase files because you can't get the space back. What's burned into the CD can't be taken off, just scratched out so to speak.

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