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Ask me about: Social Situations, Relationships, Depression, Suicide, Health, How to Deal with Loss, School, Random weird things that don't fit into any of the above ;) I think I'm pretty good at giving advice, just ask and I'll give it my best shot. I've experienced a lot of it, and I don't mind doing a little research if I haven't. I love playing piano, clarinet, in general I just love music, and I love to write and read, poetry especially, and I love mathematics, physics, and oceanography. I've been told I'm mature for my age, but I don't know, I just think that a person has to be who they are, true to themselves, and not worry about what fits into an age group. I love simply living as best as I can, working when I have to, and having fun. It's all in your perspective. Just a quote that I like "Dreams are made and broken, potentials realized and never reached, all on the breath of one phrase: It could be."

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E-mail: Nevaeh314@gmail.com
Gender: Female
Location: Wisconsin
Occupation: Piano Teacher
Age: 17
Member Since: July 16, 2005
Answers: 156
Last Update: May 14, 2006
Visitors: 14418

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I am a seventeen year old female and I am in love. What is the problem with this, you may ask? I shall tell you. The man I love is 7.5 years my senior (he's 25) and he lives in another continent. He says that he loves me as well, but I'm not sure how to make this relationship work. Can a 17 year old and a 25 year old really make it? Especially with him being so far away... He says he may move here in December, however, but then what? My parents would never approve and I crave their approval like I crave oxygen. I am at a loss. I don't really know what I'm asking, quite frankly, and I won't be surprised if no one replies. I suppose I'm just looking for opinions. Thanks.

Have you ever met eachother? Talking online and on the phone is good, but to ge the best idea of a person, you want to meet them in the flesh. Maybe you can plan a trip to meet him, or vice versa, if you haven't already? The age difference isn't so bad, but maybe you want to wait until you're 18 to plan any kind of a trip. I wouldn't say something to your parents until everything is concrete. If he moves there, then you can tell them and talk to them honestly about how you feel about eachother. If they still don't approve, however terrible that may seem, take a close look at your feelings, and try to see that you don't really have to choose. You can tell your parents that you still love them and would like their approval and respect, but if they won't give it, then you'd like to just keep that subject quiet. Hope this helps.

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So I’m engaged to be married in one year. I was raised Christian and although I don’t go to church or anything any more my I do still believe. My fiancé is an atheist. It’s really important to me (and to my family) to get married in the church but he says that would be ‘compromising his beliefs’ and doesn’t want to. I don’t care if we never step foot in a church again but my uncle is a priest and I can’t tell him that he can’t preside over my wedding! I’ve always known and respected that we don’t feel the same way about religion but I want to spend the rest of my life with this guy but I don’t know what to do about the wedding. Any advice?

Alright, it would be compromising his beliefs to have it in a church, and compromising yours not to. It's clear that you both respect eachother's beliefs enough to get past the differences, so maybe you can find a way where you can compromise. Like, say, your uncle can preside over the wedding, but maybe not have it in a church. I think outside weddings are beautiful, and your uncle can still preside and all of your family can be there for you. My sister was in this situation herself, and eventually she worked out that it didn't matter as much where they had the wedding as who could be there for them and that they could be there for eachother. I hope this helps, and good luck! :)

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everything is starting to go wrong today two guys played me without me even noticing i feel so awful and depressed its been a few months since my last boyfriend and i really thought it would work out with the first guy i thought he would never hurt me then there was another girl and all the shit he told me i actually fell for it
then with the other guy i was falling for him hes interested in me and everything but now hes saying he has a gf i dont understand this shit
and when i think about it i have no intentions of going out with the second guy
please help me

Drop both of them. If they can do that to you, it's not going to ever amount to anything. Do things for yourself for a while, go out with girl friends, take a nice bubble bath, fun stuff like that. Just try not to think about what happened too much, and start to move past it. Eventually, you're going to find a guy who will always be faithful and who will love you completely for who you are. Hope this helps, cheer up soon.

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I am goin out with this kid and my friend likes him too I think I should tell her that I am goin out with him or should I not But we tell each other like every thing

I will RATED YOU HIGH
Please help mee

Always
Mee

How hurt would your friend be if you told her? I mean, it's wrong to be dishonest, but you don't want to lose a friendship, either. You should tell her, but possibly wait until her feelings for your guy pass, or introduce her to another guy in the meantime. But tell her as soon as you feel you can, because if she found out through another source, she'd probably be hurt. Hope it all works out for you :)

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My friend that I have known for four years has a cousin who likes me and I kind of like him the only problem is my friend has just told me that he likes me. What should I do I don't want to come between them?

This is a tough one. Measure your feelings, see how much you like your friends cousin. You don't want to end a four-year relationship with your friend over this, because he's hurt, but you don't want to come between he and his cousin, either. Here's what I'd do: Talk to your friend, and tell him that you really value the friendship, but that you look at him as a friend, and not a boyfriend. Make sure you're clear and honest, and don't get persuaded to go down a direction you don't want to go. Then, wait a while until you think your friend has reasonably gotten over it, and talk to him about his cousin. Ask him if he would be hurt if you went out with him, and talk to his cousin too.
I had a similar situation with my two best guy friends, who were also best friends with eachother. I didn't handle it very well, and now they hate eachother, but I am still friends with both. I might regret that something I was involved in ended a friendship, but I also realize that if I hadn't gotten involved at all, I wouldn't be with the person that I love more than anyone right now.
So, don't give up on the cousin completely, follow your heart, but try to handle it diplomatically so that no one gets hurt. Good luck :)

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okay i still love my x boyfriend but everytime i talk to him i always seem to have some reason to fight w/him..but i love him with all my heart? is it because i'm jealous that some other girl is going to come into his life and steal him away? i really need help because for the past 4 months i can't seem to get over him..we've dated 2 times but it never worked out..cause we fight all the time..he used to start the fight but now it's me who does..i love him so much! and i just wish that i could understand why i start fights with him..i've told him before that i'd rather have bad times with him than good times with anyone else..and we've both admited that we love fighting with each other because we ALWAYS make up. i can't understand why i like it though..please help me!! thanks

I think, (and I hope I'm not diving into psychoanalysis too much here) that you might like to fight with him because it creates a need to go back to him, like, when you make up each time, he and you are even sweeter to eachother. A fight can keep emotions and excitement high, which might make you feel like you're in love, but that's not what a true relationship is based on.
A true relationship is give and take, with each of you making some compromises for the other. You should know eachother well enough to have absolute, unquestionable trust in eachother, and should make eachother feel less self-conscious and more connected to life than ever before. If it's real love, you may not always feel the fireworks, breathless excitement, but you will always be there for eachother, through lighthearted and heavy things in life.
Btw, the reason you could be starting fights with him now is because you don't want him to see how hurt you are? Tell him, and tell him that you really don't want to get in fights all the time with him, and see what he says. Hope this helps, ask for advice anytime.

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okay.. ive liked this kid nick now since the day i met him.. well he told me he liked me and then i became intrested in him. he asked me ou7t for the first time about a month ago, i said i dunno/ maybe. i like him alot.. but i have morals in my life.. and i wanted to get to know him more. after that he became somewhat depressed and figured that my maybe.. was considered a no.. which it wasnt. after that i regreted it. he asked me out again about 2 weeks ago, and i again said maybe, and i wanted to kno him more. im always afraid hes gunna loose intrest and just move on.. and i dont blame him. i like him so much, i just wanna get to know him more. we do act as a couple and we hold hands, cuddle and what not.. he kisses my head which is so cute. do you think he'll stay intrested? any adcice on what i should do?? pleaseee say yes!!!

If he really likes you, he'll stay interested. (And sometimes playing hard to get makes a guy even more interested.) Just tell him that you'd like to go out with him, but you'd like to slow things down until you get to know him. Tell him that you don't want to go out as a "status symbol," but because you're truly interested in who he is as a person. Tell him that you really do like him, and you don't want him to move on, but you really just want to know him first. Good luck, hope this helps :)

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well all of my friends wear special underwear, thongs, and i dont like them ,but i dont wanna tell them that, they'll call me granny, but im also not allowed to wear them, and when i do i feel uncomfortable and guilty thinking wut would my parents think if they know im wearing them, HELP ME!

Don't worry. If your friends really have a problem with you not wanting to wear them, then you're being shallow and superficial. And a friend who encourages you to do something you don't want isn't a friend at all. There's a saying, "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind." Just stay true to what you want to do, and tell your friends that they should appreciate you for who you are, not whether you follow all their trends.

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is it normal for a girl to have an upset stomach during her period? Because my stomach feels naseaus(sp?)and i feel like i wanna puke and my stomach is all bubbly feeling..this is my 3rd time having my period so any suggestions what i can do. i dont have any medicine so that wont help. 14/f....thanks for neone who tries to help.

Yeah, that can be normal. If you get cramps so bad that you can't move, or can breathe, talk to your doctor, it could be an irregular cycle, and your doctor will know how to take care of that. But what you ahve sounds like it's pretty normal. If you don't take medicine (although Pamprin and Midol work), then try some light exercise. Jog around the block, or do a few sit ups. It really helps relieve the cramping. Hope this helps :)

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im so scared, okay in a few months im getting a tonsiectimy(sp?) im getting my tonsils out. and im going to be on my period during it!! im really secretive about my periods..can they operate on me while im on it? i have to get anisteshia(sp?) that will put me to sleep

First off, I don't know if they can do the surgery on your period, I think they can, but you /need/ to tell your doctor that you will be having it at the same time as the surgery. You don't want anything to go wrong. Don't worry about the tonsilectomy part, I had it done, too, it's no big deal. Don't eat the ice cream, though, it stings your throat afterwards. Popsicles are good. Soup is good too. Just be sure to tell your doctor that you'll ahve your period.

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I wish i had best friends but i dont. I want to be friends with certain people but i dont know how to fit into heir group.

Are these people interested in some of the same things you are? If they are, it shouldn't be too hard to fit in. Just walk up to one of them and say "Hey, I heard that you like to ______." And see what kind of conversation comes from there. A best friend is something really special. I have a guy that I trust with anything and everything, and we do everything together, and I know that no matter what happens in life we'll always stay in touch. So if that's what you're trying to seek out, make sure you really get to know your friends. Know their dreams, fears, know what they think about at night. Know what they think about life, and how they try to live it. Just get to know them as well as you can, and it should foster trust and a good relationship, especially if it is built around a few common interests. Hope this helps :)

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My sister and I planned a one week vacation in Paris. She lives in Colorado and I live in California so we do not get to see each other often. I made all the arrangements and was very much looking forward to going. Recently, she got back together with her boyfriend and has canceled her trip with me because she would rather do something with her boyfriend. I feel hurt about my sister's choice and resentful towards her boyfriend (although my sister says it was solely her decision). I say she can see her boyfriend every weekend and during the week too and that she can go on vacation with him next year. She says this is her only opportunity to go on a vacation this year with him and she doesn't want to miss it. I know my relationship with my sister is more important than any vacation, but I'm having trouble feeling ok about this. Should my sister have honored her commitment to me? Should I just get over it and wish them well on their vacation?

Let me say I think your sister was wrong to break off the vacation you two had planned...it was a commitment she made and something she should stand by, especially since you're sisters and don't get to see eachother very often. Tell her that you're hurt, and that you were really looking forward to spending some quality time with her. Ask her why she feels that the time with her boyfriend will be more important, and remind her that you live far apart and don't get to see one another very often. If she's not going to change her decision, and this is just a thought, if you have a boyfriend, all four of you could go on vacation together, and then your sister gets time with you and her boyfriend. Either way, just tell her your feelings on the matter and see what she says. Hope this helps.

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Hey. Im 11 years old . and im a girl. Im scared about getting my period.. in 5 grade.. that just ended some girls starting getting there periods. And im scard!
I heard it hurts and stuff
and i dont want to use tampons what if the string came off.. and i have to use tampons to go swimming the pad would come apart..
Help

Hey. Really, don't worry. Sometimes getting your period can hurt, like you can get some minor cramps in your lower stomach, and some people get some muscle cramps in their legs, but exercise can reduce this, and medicines like Pamprin and Midol, or any other painkiller, can take care of it if it's really bothering you. Don't worry about the string coming off a tampon, they're really fixed on good, like sewn completely into the inside and everything. I've used them for years, and the string has never come off. And they don't hurt, you can't feel them at all. Especially handy if you're really into swimming. Hope all goes well, don't sweat it.

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I really am uncomfortable about my weight. I'm only about 106 pounds but im really short. All i can think about is what i'm eating and what i look good in. I don't think im anorexic, but i just want to stop over obsessing about eating but i don't know what to do. I just want to stop.

Try falling into a healthy pattern of eating. Use the 'obsession' with food to shape how you eat and when, and how you exercise, into a good lifestyle. For example, try eating 5 small meals throughout the day, that way you get less hungry,and less likely to overeat. Also, a friend told me the saying "Breakfast eat like a king, lunch like a prince, and dinner like a pauper." You want to eat more at breakfast and less at dinner because your body needs energy to get through the day, but not as much to sleep. Then, try to exercise at regular intervals, like a brisk walk. This both keeps you healthy, and and releases endorphines to your brain to keep you feeling good and less worried. Once you fall into a pattern that you like, you'll look and feel great, and you won't worry so much about your weight and food. Hope this helps.

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13/f


hey i just really want a guy. im attractive and pretty popular but i cant get a guy! im in 7th grade.. ive asked out a couple of guys in 8th and they automatically say no because i think they think its a joke. one time i gave a guy a note saying it wasnt a joke and he never wrote back.. i guess he wasnt interested but idk what to do! idk how to apporach a guy that i dont know, and want to go out. i've had boyfriends before and all but its been real hard lately. could you help me please? i rate 5 on anything that answers. ~thanks~

Alright, first thing is, don't just get a bf to get a bf. You're in seventh grade, so you've got plenty of time to figure out what you want in a guy. Don't just approach a guy you don't know and ask to date him...you want to get to know him as friends, first. Trust me, realtionships built on friendship and trust will last, and be truly beautiful. If you see someone that you're interested in, don't use notes or emails. Just try to get to know something about them, and then go up to them and say "Hi. I hear you're interested in (fill in the blank), I am too." Or something to that effect, and see if it doesn't spawn some good conversation. Once you get to know a guy, it will be really easy to casually ask him to a dance or another date-worthy event. Hope this helps.

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I really enjoy swimming so I don't want to have to not go just because I'm on my period. I know that pads don't work, but I usually use tampons when I'm swimming and I find them uncomfortable. Has anyone got any other suggestions? Do i even need to wear anything because I heard somewhere that you don't bleed when you're in water? Thanx

You can bleed when you're in water, I have a friend who learned this the hard way. Try a few different tampons and try to use the least absorbency possible, the discomfort often comes because the tampon gets water-logged and heavy. Hope this helps.

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