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Church Wedding
So I’m engaged to be married in one year. I was raised Christian and although I don’t go to church or anything any more my I do still believe. My fiancé is an atheist. It’s really important to me (and to my family) to get married in the church but he says that would be ‘compromising his beliefs’ and doesn’t want to. I don’t care if we never step foot in a church again but my uncle is a priest and I can’t tell him that he can’t preside over my wedding! I’ve always known and respected that we don’t feel the same way about religion but I want to spend the rest of my life with this guy but I don’t know what to do about the wedding. Any advice?
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Well you are learning one of the first lessons of marriage, compromise. The best advise I can give is that you should sit down and talk with your fiance and come up with a solution that works for both of you. Some things I can think of is maybe you can have your wedding somewhere else like at the beach or a country club or something else nice and have your uncle preside over your wedding. Tell your fiance how important that part of it is to you and he may be flexible on that part as long as you meet him in the middle.
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Perhaps discuss with your fiancé the possibility of having two ceremonies, maybe just a small one with your immediate family at the church, and then whatever else you guys agree upon. Hope I helped. Good luck and Congrats!
-Angel
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Who says your wedding has to take place in a church? It's your wedding, you can have it anywhere you'd like. And if your uncle is unwilling to marry you besides in his church, than that's his problem.
My husband is an athiest as well. We were married in a flower conservitory by a judge, God was never mentioned, and no one cared. If fact most people said it was the most beautiful wedding they had ever been to. Your wedding day is about you and your husband. God doesn't have to be a part of it, nor should it if it is something he doesn't believe in. Do what you and your husband want - what others think doesn't matter.
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Alright, it would be compromising his beliefs to have it in a church, and compromising yours not to. It's clear that you both respect eachother's beliefs enough to get past the differences, so maybe you can find a way where you can compromise. Like, say, your uncle can preside over the wedding, but maybe not have it in a church. I think outside weddings are beautiful, and your uncle can still preside and all of your family can be there for you. My sister was in this situation herself, and eventually she worked out that it didn't matter as much where they had the wedding as who could be there for them and that they could be there for eachother. I hope this helps, and good luck! :)
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Maybe a compromise? Could your uncle marry you...but in a different setting than the church?
A private home or other setting?
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Hello, advice from an atheist. I see your point and this is a very tough question, but the thing is atheists don't have the whole I really want to get married in an atheist church or meeting place because such things don't exist. So, it seems wiser that he should be able to compromise on this and get married in a church under your uncle. If he really loves you, the least he could do is let your uncle preside over the wedding because he's your uncle, it'd be a different matter if it was a random priest. The church matter may be something you have to compromise on. Being an atheist, he doesn't have the same bond with a "supreme being" as you may have with the Christian God, so it may be hard for him to understand but you may want to try talking to him.
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If he was atheist he would have no beliefs, and so getting married in a church for the one he loves really shouldn't be that big of a deal. Atheists believe in nothing. No God or Goddess, no heavan, no hell, no life after death. They don't go to church, they don't pray... they simply have no beliefs. So getting married in a church can't 'compromise his beliefs' since technically he doesn't have any.
However, simply sit him down and explain to him that this is important to you. Tell him that you don't need to get married in a chuch(compromise with him on that), but that you would like your Uncle to marry you. If he truely loved you, he would realize just how important this is to you, and allow it. That's what real love is. If one person doesn't really care about something a whole lot, and another person really does care about it, the person who doesn't care should let the person who does care about it have their way.
I mean, think about it... if the positions were reversed, and you believed in nothing, and he was christian wanting to get married in a church or by a priest, and it really ment a lot to him, you would allow it, right? Besiedes, the wedding is supposed to be the woman's 'day'. And if your family is paying for the majority of the wedding, then you should get to choose where and who marries you.
<3 Nyx
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well you shouldnt get marriend it is against your beliefs i wouldnt marry a athiest(fyi im a christian) you shouldnt marry someone your not sure you want to spend the rest of your life with or if their against their reliougn(sp) sry dont take this the wrong way and get mad at e though i do hope if you do get married that yall have a very happy life together
~:~marilyn~:~
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You could compromise by having your wedding outside a church but still having your uncle preside over the wedding. I had a similar situation myself where I wanted the church wedding but my fiance didn't. We finally compromised by going to the courthouse for the ceremony but having a reading from the Bible as part of the ceremony.
Good luck.
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it's odd that this was asked, as i was in church function about dating. and the biggest thing with christian dating (as you should live in the eyes of god), the worst possible situation you can be in, is dating an atheist. a non-christian is one thing, but it's even harder with atheist's. well... the only thing you can do is hope that he realizes the truth-your in this world. what is there to lose if you believe in god? if you dont believe, you go to hell, no matter whta, but as long as you believe, there is an alternative.
about the church thing- it's almost a matter between chosing between your uncle/family, and this guy. of coarse, you can't force it into him, but if he doesnt wind up changing, reality is; he'll change you into one, or you'll change him. it's a big chance. just put thought into it, and think ahead. make a list of good and bad things that you can do, and make a list of options (and their out come,) i hope this helped you at least a little bit.
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I know you love this man, but God should really come first. He is the key in good relationships. Talk to your guy about his beliefs and why he finds yours to be untrue. Though your husband-to-be may not belive in the One true God, it shouldn't take away from your relationship with Him.
Please get married in a church, have God bless your marige and live your faith.
AG
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This is a hard subject to compromise over, so you might try the whole "it has been my dream to get married in a church" thing, guilt trip him into it. It's not the best way, but I have known some hard headed atheists who would not compromise or change anything even with accurate evidence behind it. That's one way. If he really cared about you, he would do this for you instead of looking out for himself. If this was the women I was spending the rest of my life with, I would compromise my beliefs to make her happy. It's only one day that you will both be happy during and you will always remember. When you get old you won't be thinking "oh that was the day I compormised my beliefs," instead you will be thinking, oh remember that day it was so great and you looked so beautiful. He needs to recognize that you are going to be together for the rest of the your lives and that this is something you have dreamt about since you were little and that it will break your heart for this dream not to come true. I don't think i helped any, but maybe you enjoyed reading my post. "God is good, all the time." God Bless
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explain to him that this is extremely important to you and that if he loved you he would give it a chance.
if you already tried this then you can get legally married wherever he wants and then have a "vow renual" at the church. that seems like a fair deal and i'm sure your future husband won't mind compromising alittle bit.
good luck and best wishes.
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