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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

advice

Hi 18 F.. My mom tends to get jealous of my relationships. I have been dating a guy for about a month now. He is 9 years older than me and she was fine with it. She told me recently that she doesn't know what it is but he is a bad person and now she won't let me see him. I feel I'm old enough to make my own dicisions. I'm to afraid to talk to he because she is really aggressive. Please help me?

At 18 you are considered an adult and can make decisions on your own, with or without your Mom's approval.
First I will look at it from your age. When I was your age, I felt I was very mature and truth is I was but not in experience with relationships. I knew next to nothing about the warning signs that a guy is bad for me. So I married a Church going guy at age 20 and about a few months after marrying, he let his true colors show. He was verbally abusive my whole marriage til I left him in my 40s and got divorced. Most parents have life experience and can see potential future problems in the behavior of a guy their daughter dates or vice versa. However, my own parents were fooled.
Since you mention its only been a month, thats not enough time as far as I believe for a parent or even you to see potential future problems with the guy.
I am currently a mom of three grown daughters ranging from mid twenties to 30. From a parents perspective, after 18 years of being the one to constantly teach and guide a child, it is like culture shock to all of a sudden stop doing that when ones child becomes an adult. So I can't say if its jealousy. Although when I married the first time, my mom didnt exactly act jealous but she saw something in me that she felt she missed, the dating of guys and falling in love, etc because she came out of war time Germany and came to America to marry a guy she met in writing letters, (the forerunner of internet dating). She realized she wasn't fulfilled in her marriage and wanted more so she got a divorce from my dad. I don't know if your mom is single or married but its entirely possible she sees something she feels she missed out on or didn't know enough to make better choices back then and may want to do it over. You didn't say what she's doing that has you feeling she's jealous. If its simply saying his age is okay and its fine to date him, and changing her mind a month later, it might not be due to jealousy if thats the only thing you are basing this assumption on. You did say it isn't just this relationship but past ones that she gets jealous over. If so, I must trust you are seeing something that is for real, that she is jealous and what she does not have, she doesn't want you to have either.
I am guessing you're still living at home. If not, stop telling her about your affairs and make your own decisions, as she won't know if you're not there.
Her house is her own territory and she does get to choose the house rules no matter how old you get. So if you must live with her, if she doesn't want you bringing any guy over to visit, then you must go by her rules, no matter how unreasonable. However, just because you live with her, she has no right to choose whom you date or not as well as any other decisions for your own life. You will need to date a guy of your choice away from home. I know its tough to afford to have ones own place and I don't know if you are going to college but it might be a good idea to find yourself a couple roommates and rent an apartment together, if you have any of your own income. If you know ahead of time that she will get angry and into a yelling match, then as much as you;d like to be the good daughter and talk to mom, get her opinion and get her input/advice, such as you;re doing here, then obviously its going to be a waste of time.
Just because someone is a parent does not mean they are always right or that they are even mature. Unfortunately, we are stuck with the parents we have and need to learn to make the best of it. Don't know what you mean by aggressive but if she is verbally abusing you, it won't stop, my ex was like that. You need to distance yourself from her, physically. Lots of parents have trouble letting go of their kids once the kids grow up, especially those who put ALL their effort into the kids or the home or hubby and once that is gone, they feel lost, as if their reason for living is gone and they have trouble making that change. It would take a few counseling sessions for any parent really having that trouble and not adjusting on their own. Are you the only child? Are there older siblings who were treated the same way or maybe its that you're the youngest and last to eventually leave someday soon? If you feel I may be missing some important info that could help me with more specific advice, then write me again. Otherwise, you need to know its okay to make your own decisions. Just remember to learn from them and not repeat the same thing if any decisions you make end up being not so good in the long run. I've made such decisions. They all seem good at first. But as long as you learn from them, and avoid doing the same later again, then you have no reason to shy away from becoming the adult you already are by age. Good luck dear.

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What does it feel like for a girl to get a tattoo on her outer thigh, assuming no drugs or numbing are used?

Everyone's pain tolerance level is different, so there's no way to tell. Then there are also areas on a persons body that are more sensitive to pain than others. I have not had one done but have heard tattoos being done can range from feeling it but not painful, and feeling a sting like a bug stinging you, to very painful depending on where on the body and persons pain tolerance. I even feel hot and cold differently on various parts of the body. If the husband has really cold hands and drapes his arm around me at night and that hand touches my stomach, that feels cold and I jump immediently. If he touches those same hands on my back, they feel comfortable to warm.

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when i rub my clitorous it gives me pain,what to
do

Use a personal lubricant. You don't have to buy at a sex toy shop, just look in any pharmacy in the section that sells condoms. KY Jelly is a common one and cheaper. They get more expensive too. Sometimes you can find a lubricant at dollar stores.

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So my friend is very depressed and I knew she had family problems but I didn't know it was so severe that it caused her to self-harm/ think suicidal thoughts. When she told me she made it clear that she told my other friends and she told them if they made the situation about themselves she would cut them off, I guess it's because she feels unheard. Anyways she said she's been 3 months clean and that's because she said by her 20s if she's still unhappy she will commit suicide. We are currently 19 years old. I don't know what to do I want to get her help because I know what it's like to be suicidal because I too have been there but I feel like I'll be betraying her trust if I go to a hospital and ask to admit her. I want her to be mentally well because I don't know when it will be too late. What if her telling me today was her goodbye message? What should I do?

Stress that goes unchecked can lead to depression. Depression that goes unchecked can lead to committing suicide. So unless she's had clinical depression most her life or been diagnosed with it recently, then her stress and depression is situational. there are many people who have lived with terrible family problems, physcial health problems, bullying, homelessness, etc....Practically everyone has something. The thing is, that others with situational stress and depression are continueing to go on day by day but without constantly thinking of suicide. . . only wishing things were better. I got a lot of those wishes. Just based on the awful stuff and tragedies of my own family, a dozen sitcoms could be created for TV.
Why can some people handle the same crap every day and never commit suicide? I don't know for sure, but I am willing to bet that if all the non clinical depressed people were to nip the problems in the bud when they are first overwhelmingly stressed,, that there would be a lot less depressed people. And if depressed people were to follow a list of activities Psychologist prescribed to self treat their (non clinical ) depression, that there would be a lot less people ending up wanting to commit suicide. The tough thing is that she is an adult. If she is not willing to start seeking help of her own choice, then a family member most likely would have to give permission for a person to be taken for a psych evaluation. I know someone who recently had to sign to have her sister taken to the hospital after trying to commit suicide. The ambulance and police officers told her the family friends could not sign the paper, she had to. So if her parents are the problem, then perhaps if a sibling knew, or aunts or uncles or even grandparents that might help. The problem is that the people who can help her, or get the ball rolling, do not know she is suicidal. If you attend church or she does, it would be also good to have a pastor talk to her. I've attended some larger churches that also had a counseling ministry, real licensed counselors. Perhaps if she doesn't attend anywhere, you can convince her to attend somewhere with you. Start now, let the pastor get to know you both, and let him/her know of your friends predicament.Ask him to talk to her. Sometimes, a suicidal person feels that no one else cares about what they are going through or dealing with in their minds. She is very likely to not call a suicide hotline. But she needs to be taught skills to learn to deal with her past and how to heal from it. It's not going to happen spontaneously, it will take intervention of people who know her, who tell someone in a position to help her.
A word of caution here, regarding her 'family problems'. It has recently come to light in my own family, that my oldest daughters husband who had horrific stories of sexual abuse and other as a child growing up, was all imagined in his head. He is an untreated person with mental health issues as well as severe autism which his mom whom I recently met has legal documentation of his crazy stories, behavior and actions since he was 2 yrs old. SO if you have not witnessed some of her family crap for yourself, and its just what she repeatedly tells you, same old terrible stories like my daughters husband, then it could be all fake and just point to some mental health issues.

The mom of the son with mental health problems, had him living with her, and then all of a sudden, he moved in with my daughter and he cut off all communications with her and siblings and was not seen again. No one knew where they ended moving to, what their phone numbers or emails were, until CPS stepped in when child abuse of their own children was discovered. Now they are getting professional help.
SO I am just saying that it IS possible that her family may not be the problem and are loving people who would make sure she gets a mental health evaluation even against her will. ONly you might know, or siblings or cousins of hers if you know any. Its a chance you may want to take if you are not so sure that they are all that bad as she says.

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I love my cat dearly, but recently I moved into an apartment with a roommate and now he's turned into a little monster. He has plenty of space between my master bedroom and very large bathroom. Everything he needs are in the two. Yet he keeps crying at the doors constantly wanting to get out and be in the living room. Then when he's in the living room he cries there too. He never stops. It's relentless and for the past two weeks I haven't gotten any sleep as every time he meows I have to chase him under the bed and throw pillows at him to get him to shut up only for him to start again a few minutes later.

I've become increasingly angrier about this and found myself pinning him down today and threatening to hit him with my shoe. I didn't do it of course, I'm not an abuser, but I'm afraid with the lack of sleep I'm going to break one day and actually hit him.

He seems to understand he's making me angry as he often jumps on the bed after these bouts of crying and tries to cuddle with me and lay in my arms purring. Yet he keeps doing it!

I also can't seem to break this habit of his as when I'm not home and he starts meowing my roommate says "she has to let him out" because he meows so loud she's afraid the neighbors will complain.

I don't know what to do. Ir breaks my heart, but I'm about to take him back to the SPCA. I can't deal with this much longer.

Your cat is not happy with the new living arrangements. Animals are not that different from people in many ways. Your cat can't talk to you in human language to tell you it does not like the new arrangements or perhaps the roommate. However if he's stuck in just your bedroom or the bath, he probably hardly ever see's the roommate.
Lets say you had to move to a new city, no body you knew, you wouldn't be too happy for a while until you could make new friends. Your cat doesn't have the chance to make any new friends, human or animals. Before you get the idea that another cat might help, each pet has its own personality. So some are just not going to want to be friends with some animals and there is no way to predict ahead of time. You are not friends with every single person who wants to be friends with you for same reason.
I don't know about cats living arrangement before but if it was allowed outside or allowed the roam of the whole apartment or house, then being relegated to just the bed and bath may feel like prison. The cat knows there is a lot more beyond the bedroom door and beyond the apartment door.

Meowing is his only way to communicate. I'll bet he's saying, let me out. I am lonely. I am in a strange place and I don't like it. And you can bet he is going to continue to meow because he will assume that since you haven't figured it out yet, that you must be dense and need to be told over and over. The reasoning of pets is of course not like an adults, it's more like a childs. Like when my daughter was real little and saw picketers at a store and asked what it was for. We told her the signs meant they wanted to get paid more. Her Dad was unemployed at the moment so her solution was, then Daddy should hold a sign so he can get more money. Your cat does not understand that it can not go back to where it used to live, that things can't be the same as what it really wants from before. Your wanting the cat to be quiet is like asking a 3 yr old child to amuse itself in one room of the house all day and never make a peep. NOt. Going. To. Happen. If you had an old overweight, inactive cat that likes to sleep all the time, then it might work, but not for this cat. There is no solution I can see. So if there isn't family who can take him or wants him, advertise, looking for a home for him or take him to a shelter last choice. And if you are so frustrated you know you will lash out unfairly at the cat, then you need to do the adult thing and find it a new home. If you need your 'petting a cat' fix, get it by petting cats of family or friends, and do not get a cat until you are stable and can give your pet what it needs. A bedroom and bath is not enough. It needs companionship. Its not going to get used to a new place when you are not constantly there. I assume you work or go to school. Cats need to be able to interact with humans when 'they' want to, not when you want to give them time, they need to exercise, so hopefully theres something besides your bed. Like something for the cat to climb instead of a tree. They like high places. They need to keep their claws sharp so a scratching post is needed. Toys that amuse them, not toys you bought that amused you. My daughters cat prefers plastic grocery bags over its other toys. Do the right thing and find it a loving home where the people or person can give it what makes it truly happy.
This is much like a bad match in a relationship. Some guys are not going to be right for you and it wouldn't make sense to stay with them because you have feeling of love but drive each other crazy. Same for the cat. His personality just may be too different from you or its current situation. There's nothing wrong with the cat, it's just very bored and unhappy.

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So I have been married for 13 years now and my husband and I separated (still living together) I want to work it out we have kids but he announced he has a girlfriend. Obviously I'm crushed. What do I do? My heart is shattered

If you wanted the separation, then you know what issues you wanted to see improved on to stay together. I don't know if he has given any reason to separate but whatever those issues are, they are important, even if it can't help current situation.
I'll explain in a bit.

If the only reason you want to find a way to save the marriage is because of the kids, I have something to share as I got divorced when my kids except for one were graduated and out of the house on their own. Looking back, I can see that staying together, even tho he was verbally abusive to me, was a disservice to my girls. They grew up seeing their Dad not getting along with me. They saw he disrepect and yell, etc. Now, one daughter will not marry, only have some bf for social reason but will not marry. Another chose a husband, got divorced, married a 2nd and a third time and she's only 31. SHe's had issues too. The youngest is married and the guy is pretty nice, but I still don't think a good choice for her as he does not let her have her say or give her opinion very easily. Its more important that he have his say. So if they are both present, I get to listen to him but not my daughter. Kids need to have the best example they can in the home they are being raised in, of a happy loving adult couple, even if one is not their parent due to divorce. Kids are resilient and really have no problem with parents splitting up after they get over the surprise or shock of it. If your husband is not willing to go see a marriage counselor and want to actually try working to save the marriage, then there is nothing you can do. People all get to have their own will and no one can force them to change it. In fact, that is one of the things that kept me sticking around for 30 years, believing what the church preached about trusting God to save your marriage. One day, God spoke to me in my head, telling me that in order to save my marriage, he would have to take away my husbands free will and force him to change, like re-programing a robot. He will never take away our free will. IF a person doesn't want to believe in him and serve Him, then so be it. Why would He change his stance on free will, just for my marriage, or yours?
I know this all sounds harsh and not what you were hoping for to ease your situation. Right now, this is like a run away train, and you are just going to have to hang in there for the wild but hurtful ride. Of course, you can try to ask him if he is willing to go to marriage counseling but if he doesn't want to, you can't force him. Then, You will need to take time to grieve.

Usually when a married couple separate, it's not very often that they cool off and simply want to get back together without having done anything to address the issues. Usually, in a separation, one or both start seeing someone else and its just a matter of time before they see a lawyer (if they need to save up for that) and make the separation final with a divorce. Perhaps it did not feel like a separation with him still living in the house. Perhaps it is a blow to your self esteem, wondering what he finds wrong in you that he would find another woman so soon.
It takes two to cause domestic difficulties, once you've decided to marry. It takes two also to make a marriage work, and heres a quote I find that makes this make more sense.
"Happily ever after doesn't happen just because you wish it so. It only happens when both people put in equal amounts of work to make it so." This explained my case perfectly. I was doing all the work and he was not, never had, even from the beginning. So I wasn't the problem in the marriage. I however was part of the problem in that I chose to marry him, not knowing any better at age 20. Felt I was so mature, and truly I was in most all areas except knowledge and experience of peoples characters and how to spot red flags in what a guy says and does when dating you. They were there, but I just did not know them for what they were. I don't know how early you married, but age could possibly be one determining factor, in that both of you did not choose someone that was right for you.
Now I said earlier that its important to know what things caused the marriage to go south. The reason being that you'll want to avoid making the same mistakes the next time around. I know, this sounds awful, my assuming it will end in divorce but I may not get a chance to cover all bases and talk to you again. I'll use myself as an example. The ex ended up having social disorders, unable to love any people more than surface level like loving a certain flavor of icecream, he also is diagnosed with mental illness but was never willing to admit it to psychologist or want to work on it. He always yelled, never supported my wishes or dreams or talents, but cut me down in front of family and friends, never complimented me, never was turned on by me, etc. So when I went searching for my 2nd husband, now having more life experience and knowledge of what I wanted to avoid in the next guy, I made a strict list of criteria a guy had to pass. On my list: a man who never raises his voice to me, does not have an anger problem, is turned on by me, compliments me, supports and upholds everything that is important to me. An example of that is that he has never gotten into decorating for Holidays. He told me as long as I don't expect him to get excited about even celebrating holidays, all will be well. So I never forced him. As the years went on, he wants to please me more and more so he upholds my interest in decorating by bringing home little things, Halloween colored lights, Fake skeleton of an animal and a solar dancing scarecrow. IN fact, even though we can't afford big displays, he came to get me after a purchase at the hardware store, while I waited in the car and asked me to come in for fun to view all the fancy Halloween displays. I never would have had that with the ex. He told me that I nickel and dime our budget to death when I bought 2nd hand clothes for the kids new school year but routinely spent an average of $200 a month on Starbucks coffees and bought an average of another $100. a month in books that he never read, but kept buying them. SO he could spend it all, but I could not. The ex also wanted me to make meals for a family of 5 on only $250. a month. Of course, thats insane, but he felt I was unreasonable. My current husband is a fair man and loves to wait on me hand and foot, always asking if there is anything I need or want. Best of all, he can just take a look at me, even when I am not dolled up or looking my best, (he's able to look past that) and I see his eyes darken with desire for me. I am turning 59 soon and he still finds me sexy and desireable. Never had that with the ex.
You may just have to chalk your situation up to experience. And rely on what you've learned to make a better choice, one where the kids are going to see you happy with a husband who adores you and never has eyes for any other woman. That is what children need. They watch and copy their parents from the moment they are born. What they witness, they will beleive to be okay and not look for anything better when their time comes to start dating. SO sorry hon, but hopefully, what I have shared, might give you a little hope, even if the husband is determined to divorce.

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(Note: I would also have liked to pick the category "Spirituality" for this question as it's also quite relevant)

I have somewhat recently been diagnosed with dysthymia. I have days that are better than others, but on my worst days, I find myself needing some kind of comfort and looking for it in all kinds of places.

Sometimes it's listening to music or reading stories about cute or happy things, sometimes it's talking to a friend about how I feel, sometimes it's just being with another person and knowing I'm safe, for lack of a better word. Some days I can't seem to find anything that will make me feel better and I feel like I'm drowning in my own mind.

I'm also a Christian. However, I never seem to be able to find the motivation to spend time in prayer or reading the Bible. When I'm feeling down, never do I even think about turning to God for comfort.

I don't know how to feel/think about that. I guess I'm asking for people's thoughts or ideas on what I can do.

Since you state you're a Christian, you know that you have a soul. A soul is made up of pure energy. Therefore, if your physical or mental or total package of energy is low, you vibrate at a lower frequency. I know that might sound really weird but its not a bunch of baloney. I will post a link to an article that explains what it is and things to do to raise those energies.

Here's a basic idea: As described by Cassandra Sturdy; "Your ‘vibration’ is a fancy way of describing your overall state of being. Everything in the universe is made up of energy vibrating at different frequencies. Even things that look solid are made up of vibrational energy fields at the quantum level. This includes you."

Since what you have is a mild but long lasting depression, anything that would help you overall is a good thing to try. Then again, the article link i post now does not mention depression but I will show you the link to depression in a bit.

https://www.theholisticingredient.com/blogs/wholesome-living/13587702-8-ways-to-raise-your-vibration-your-positive-energy

I have had the occasional situation based depression. I know how tiring it is to have for just a day or two. I don't like staying in that state for long and God knows you can't function well and do your utmost for Him if you feel like you can barely function. This is all common knowledge among natural, holistic and spiritual people, but it is too little spoken about.

I don't know if Drs. have tried treating you either with medicine or not but no matter, there's a great chance you can either improve your situation or be totally healed of your problem. I'm not saying its totally for sure as every person is unique and a little different, but people are being helped every day.

Some of the things I saw listed in raising ones vibration is also targeted at the mind (which is one of the things that make up your over all state of being) with other more specific things to do when there is depression of any sort.

Your mind works best when the level of NT's neuro-transmitters is high. These help making the connections in the brain and when the levels get too low, it is said the "NT levels are depressed" another word for describing 'too low'. We are meant to function on high levels. Without any NT's your mind is not going to be able to process or want or desire to do the simple things you need to do like get up in morning, shower, dress, eat, etc. When depressed, most people do not want to do anything, totally lacking desire or 'the energy'.

That is the connection between the list in the article and depression and how it can help.

Here is a list I have made from gathering of various lists on line. The very same list of options to try, which I gave my daughter when she was depressed after a break up with boyfriend. The therapist she went to see for her one time free appt. thru work knew she'd not be able to come back, and so gave her this exact same list. I just explain a bit more.

Things to do to raise your NT's thereby feeling depression go away.

1. Laughter is the best medicine. It is still true but it seems to target NT levels raising them. You have your own brand of humor you react to and start laughing. Keep that in mind and choose to watch comedy movies or comedians doing their routine on stage.

2.Meditate. This is also on the list for raising vibrations but will also raise your NT levels. It calms you to do so and only requires 10 minutes a day. It's hard to focus when you are in the midst of worrying and empty your mind of things that upset you. So do what you already do, listening to music or reading stories of cute happy things to distract your mind from being tensed and worried, and at the end of story or song, just sit quietly for a bit with eyes closed to keep out visual distractions and it will be easier to do short bits of meditation.

3. Movement: this is also in the article under 'get your blood pumping'. Its a known thing that exercise releases endorphins in you, some of the hormones that make up the NTs. Your body when in optimum emotional/mental health is able to produce all the NT's you need but lifes' stress will lower these levels so this all has to become a weekly or daily practice. Movement can be walking, jogging, dancing to a song in the living room, or skipping. I remembered skipping as a little child and when I tried doing that outdoors down the street, I felt a moment of embarassment wondering if anyone might see me but the motion of skipping worked instant wonders in me at a time I had short term situational depressed feelings. I couldnt do it without being consumed in giggles and feeling like my heart was a balloon floating higher and higher. This means its working. You will find what type of moving of your body works the fastest and best for you.
4. Hugging. There are many you tube videos on hugging, bumper stickers on having hugged the kids today, etc. It is way more important than you'd think. The suggested amount to remain in good spirits is 8 hugs a day and yet many people get little to none every day of their life.
Heres a link explaining it:

https://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-5756/10-Reasons-Why-We-Need-at-Least-8-Hugs-a-Day.html

You may feel weird asking someone to hug you but theres a way to do this naturally, you can't give a hug without getting one in return. They mentioned the heart to heart connection in a hug, meaning a full frontal hug. Not the side armed hug of your shoulders that males tend to do with females afraid the girls or his self would have problems with that. The other to avoid is where two people act like they are going to do the frontal hug but lean over, keeping space between their bodies and weakly giving a few pats on the recipients shoulder. I have gotten all those kinds of hugs and the only one that makes me instantly feel those excited happy floaty heart feelings is the frontL big bear hug that lasts more than a couple seconds. People are so afraid these days of connection with others and will make a hug last only a second or two. I shoot for 5 or more seconds. You will experience the difference if you hug people for varying times, short or longer. Only the longer ones seem to allow for that magic to happen.

5. Music: You are already doing this but I have something to share that may help you focus better and really use this as a tool to raise your NTs when depressed. I use this one the most as it's easiest for me, I am on the computer a lot and have lots of my music on there. Listen to all the songs you have and pick out the couple of songs where the melody is one that touches your heart and makes it feel buoyant like a balloon or soap bubble, just floating higher. Its not the words/lyrics that count, I can ignore them, its the melody that works.(sound therapy)That's when you know that particular melody is one that will help raise your depression or even just when feeling stress which I will do. Like when we had car problems and when we got it back from mechanic, it acted up on the way home again. That was instant stress for me. Your songs will be unique to you, but for an example, I will listen to the song 'Clocks' by Coldplay because that melody works better for me than any other and I will listen to the whole thing 3 times at least if not work. Like hugs, or skipping, it's an instant shot of relief of that down feeling. I also happen to like using a christian singer from way back, Tammy Trent's song 'Move with It' and do the same. As you see, it doesn't matter whether a Christian song or not, its the melody that helps me.

Do all this and see if it helps at all. It should because obviously, your levels of neuro transmitters are low, not missing. So hopefully these will help raise the levels, thereby making you feel no longer like you have dysthymia. I am not a Dr. hon, but this is just stuff from experience that I have read or heard about from others and have used and like my daughter who also used it and we've both found it works great. Granted we don't have what you have, not clinical depression either which is really the body not being able to make its own NTs. Then Drs give people synthetic ones to make up for the loss. That is not your issue so therefore, I believe what I've written can only help you feel better. I can't say how often you'll need to do these things to keep feeling better with your disorder, but I am sure you will be able to figure it out over a short time period.
I would enjoy a message from you in the future, letting me know how its' working for you. Just go to my advice column by my name 'Dragonfly' and choose the button to write to me from there and only I will get that message.

Don't forget to use the raising your vibration ones too.



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I don't think my parents love me rather my mom I'm always getting bashed for doing something "wrong" for example I'm on the computer when she says I cant be playing computer games but what I'm doing is I'm reading an article online I GET BASHED FOR NOTHING!!! and it really gets on my nerves what do I do?

I do not know what you mean by bashed and I'm not about to take a guess so I will start with one definition: Bashed as in getting yelled at, not given a chance to explain, your ideas, wants, desires always not taken seriously or pooh-poohed, meaning throw cold water on anything you say or share, trying to negate or destroy every hope you have, etc. If this is the kind of bashing you are talking about, then everything Adviceman said is true. You should have a talk, not blame her but let mom know how you feel, same for dad but you only used mom as an example. Chances are they aren't aware of it. Todays world is stressful not just for teens, but everyone, parents and older people too. It's no wonder in all our stress that some people can be driven to act in ways they never have. For example, if your younger years were all good and the parents didn't 'Bash' you as you described, and it is something more recent like the last couple years or last couple months, then their stress level may have increased. Stress has to go somewhere, Its not healthy to hold up inside. Although some people do the wrong things to get rid of their stress, and it can be lashing out at others or a particular person as often as they are stressed, and may change them to having a very short temper.
Sometimes, just having a teen is stressful enough to parents. Teen girls going thru puberty for example, Find their emotions are all on a hair trigger response and what seems reasonable to them is not to others, who only see a teens anger issues or being really sad weepy or depressed and they feel overwhelmed not knowing how to deal with it. Not every parent is a good parent but most parents love their kids, even if they aren't doing a good job of interacting with and raising them.
NOt saying all this to protect them, just one possible situation happening. If you believe nothing resolved at all after talking to them or their verbal bashing to actually border on verbal abuse, talk to a school counselor and see what help they can get the family put in touch with. Let a professional decide if they are out of line and badly need some parenting help, or if you are simply blowing it all out of proportion in your mind and you gain skills to handle all relationships better, or if its a combo of both.

If you realize by now I haven't given the other description to "Bashing", here it is. Bashing could stand for more than verbal abuse and actually be physical abuse, hitting, slapping, throwing things at, meant to hurt you. This in police terms is 'assault and battery' and it is taken very seriously. So if the bashing you are receiving is of punching and hitting, you need to tell someone else, not a peer but an adult who can help. YOu can talk to the school counselor. Again, professionals need to be called in. There should be counseling and visits from CPS if you are under 18 and still a minor. I know from such an issue in my extended family, that COS prefers to get parents in for psychological review and counseling if it's mental illness that is part of why they lash out at you which can be verbal abuse only, physical abuse or both. They will most likely have to attend parenting classes tailored for the age of the children possibly as well. Many states now will only take kids away from parents only until an improvement is seen in the parents. I've read that even if there's mental illness, there's a big push for rights of parents to get kids back as long as they are on medication for mental illness, depression or whatever if afflicting them and causing them to lose it. So you don't have to worry about your parents getting into trouble and you never seeing them. Thats not how it works. They figure a reformed parent is better to be with their own kids than to ship them off to foster care the rest of the kids, childhood.
Now you have my take on both meanings of bashing and know that in each situation, you need to talk to a school counselor. If they do not talk to the parents or help get the family in touch with counseling at the least for just the constant yelling and such, then talk to a pastor and ask for help, or any other adult in your family, aunts, uncles, grandparents, to get something going. If its truly physical abuse, the counselor should be contacting CPS on your behalf, if they don't, you'll need to do it, knowing they will see this as your parents cry for help and deal with it appropriately and counseling will likely be available to you as the abused child. Don't think abuse doesnt have real true effects in your life. I was abused by my ex husband, just verbally but I know what it did to me. I stayed 30 yrs before leaving and it took its toll on me physically, mostly headaches and migraines which I no longer suffer since I left. But i was an adult do the leaving. Do not think an option for you is to just up and leave the parents. That is a faster way to a more miserable life and possible quicker early death.

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I went out on 3 dates with this guy and had a great time. We got really close and I was really liking him and then on the 4th date I took him out on a double date with my best friend and her date.

Well that date didn't go well. My best friend and him argued when he asked me to pay for drinks and I got upset with him after we got into a conversation about singers and he said "If I was famous I would date all the beautiful girls and not settle until I found the perfect one". I just felt like it was a very rude comment considering I was right there and I'm not bragging or anything, but I consider myself a good catch. I have a job, studying for my masters, have a nice big place with a roommate, a new car, and I consider myself fairly attractive. Meanwhile, he lives with his parents, works with his parents, and is going to a community college for an Associate's degree. Like why does he think he deserves the perfect girl? He tried to backtrack later and say he didn't mean it "like that" and that I don't have to worry about it because he's not famous, but I was hurt and told him we should just be friends because I don't want to have to compete with all the "beautiful girls" and then lose him to this imaginary unicorn "perfect girl". He seemed sad, but was okay with being friends (this was a week ago).

Today, three weeks later we went out as FRIENDS. We went to a festival and had a great time and then to a movie together. It was just as much fun as our first three dates and I was really appreciating being just friends. Then at the end of the night we parted ways and everything was good...until he turned around and walked back towards me and suddenly kissed me. I won't lie, I kissed him back , but I think part of me did it just so it didn't make things awkward. After he said something along the lines of how he didn't want me to friendzone him and didn't want to make me wait another "date" for him to kiss me. I just kind of giggled about it and we parted ways again.

Now I don't know what to do. I do have a lot of fun with him and think he's cute and sweet. He's looking to move out of his parents place soonish and I'm looking for somebody who might want to take my roommates room when she moves out in 5 months so it could work. He's willing to do a lot of fun things that a lot of guys aren't. He has a steady job. He doesn't have any pets or kids which I like. He is at least trying to get an education. However, I'm still worried about what he said. I don't want to be anybody's "until the grass is greener girlfriend" and especially not when it seems like I'm the ambitious one.

Help? I'm so confused.

Lets face it, males often have no idea how to talk to girls and quite often seem to be sticking their foot in their mouth and things come out wrong.

I can see how what he said can be hurtful. Because of that, you said you both had to be just friends. I don't think he wanted that but was willing to agree in hopes to win you back again.
I can't say that he won't find somebetter, or maybe that you will. Theres two kinds of dating. The dating of someone with whom you are more than friends, and want to be together, just not married yet but you're sure this is the one you want to grow old with or at least have for a long term relationship. However, there is dating where you go out with someone you find attractive and their looks sexually pleasing. The dating you do with such a person is not the committed dating I described previously. This dating is to find out more about the person the good, bad and inbetween to see if its something you can live with or not tolerate at all. If too much is wrong, you move on to the next and keep doing so until you've gotten better at spotting the qualities you don't like and avoid dating such guys. You remember the good points of past guys and attempt to find them in the next guy. Guys don't date like girls do. A female seems to think if a guy asks you out or kisses you that he has an interest already in wanting to be your boyfriend or future husband. It's very unlikely that most women find their male partners that sure after a couple of dates. Males tend to want to not commit to anyone until they have explored a gal, by spending plenty of time with her. Women should be doing the same. I did after a divorce. I know I'm a social person and wanted someone for a husband who could be my best friend also. I did not commit to dating one guy after one or two dates. In fact, I told them I was going to be going out with, meeting others guys and would keep doing so until I was sure I had met the guy I wanted to commit to who also loved and wanted to commit to me. Not a single man ever had a complaint about that. They understand that because for the most part, they do the same.

The key for you is to not let go a guy who just messed up once or twice by saying something that comes out sounding Soooo wrong. I am now 8 yrs with my 2nd husband. He is not prone to saying the wrong things. But even a good guy like him at times has said something that came out sounding wrong. Thing is, I know his heart and his devotion to me so I know he did not mean to say anything hurtful and therefore I dont take it that way. Often I will laugh and tell him how what he just said sounded and tell him to be glad I am his wife because another woman might flip her lid. He apologized and says its not what he meant. We all speak sometimes before thinking how those words might affect someone else listening. I know a woman I met when she was in her forties and ill and had gained weight and I am sure is self conscious about it. She once told me she used to do plus size modeling. When I saw a photo of her back in those days and blurted out, "I can see why you were a model, you were beautiful." No sooner had the words left my mouth when she indignantly said, "I am still pretty, are you saying I am not now?" Oops. Women tend to be way more easily affected by things said taking them wrong. None of us looks as good when older as we did in our 20's and 30s. It's a fact of life and I did not mean she was ugly now, but because of her current situation, she took it wrong.

Right now, I'm betting this guy thinks he's forgiven and it's all over in your mind. Why? He kissed you, you kissed back and then giggled. A person upset at someone does not giggle at them. So he is assuming all is well and hoping to have a second chance to spend as much time as he needs to get to know you to determine if you're the right lady for him. At the same time, you need to be determining if he's the best guy for you for life, to settle down with, have kids with. Often one person becomes dis-illusioned while one still feels the other is wrong person. And I wont say it doesn't hurt but there is no other way of really getting to know a person well enough to know if you want to spend the rest of your life with them.

The only thing really that you could do to kill any interest in you is to appear to have low self esteem and not seem confident. That is something females do all too easily and wonder why the guy left them. The unknown aphrodisiac to men is a great self confidence in women. The female who has that will catch the interest of many men and the one who becomes her only man, will want to be devoted to her unless she's made a poor choice and chosen an obvious player. If you wonder if its a bad thing that he mentioned 'Beautiful' women, if you know that all males are visually stimulated from the moment they go through puberty until the day they die, then you will understand how important it is that he find you appealing in looks. He must or he wouldn't be with you still.
So there's no reason why if you have some things in common that you spend more time together. In 5 months, if all is well, you might offer roommate choice to him. Living with someone is the final step to discovering things about them you can
not find out by just going out on dates or chatting on the phone. You learn what his house keeping habits are for one. YOu probably would resent a guy who is lazy at home, messy and won't do his share of household chores, its not just paying half the rent that counts but all of it. If the guy is lazy and a slob, you have to think, do I really want to have kids with him and have the kids pick up all his bad habits and you still do the mommy crap for all the kids and him too, with no help. I had an ex like that who for mental reasons couldn't handle being the adult in the unexpected events that come along in life like the hot water heater breaking and flooding the kitchen or vandalism of broken window in my car. I had to handle all the daily and the unexpected stuff that life brings as he could not. I wish I'd known better when younger. Now, I try to save some gals from having to learn the hard way or to at least have some clue. In 5 months, if your feelings for him have lessened or worn off or there are too many things about him you don't like, then its time to part ways and you would be best off not adding him in as a roommate. Theres a chance all may be fine and he does become a roommate and later, you discover something you didn't realize about him until living with him. It doesnt mean you were dumb or stupid, this is how we all find out about a potential partner, in the living together. So its okay to end the living situation after a while if it doesnt work out for you. Just make sure its okay with the landlord, knowing hes your roommate but hold on to the renters title in your name so you aren't left high and dry if he decides to break up after living together a while.

So don't be afraid to explore and learn more in depth stuff about him. If he tends to say hurtful things all the time, on purpose trying to humiliate you, verbally attack you, etc...then you have good reason to let him go. ON the other hand, you can't go bu one or two awkward examples of him putting his foot in his mouth that he is going to be like that always. He's agreed to be a friend until he can convince you to be his girlfriend. You have nothing to lose and checking him out further. Just use common sense and your womans' intuition and I'm sure you'll figure him out just fine.

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Kind of a random question for this site, but I've always wondered.

With the question, I mean body, appearance, personality, interests/hobbies, etcetera.

(I'm not changing who I am, I promise this has nothing to do with it. This is just a question I've always wondered.)

To make sure we have the same understanding first of what a nerd is, I am going by Wikipedia's explanation: A nerd is a person seen as overly intellectual, obsessive, or lacking social skills. While television has portrayed nerd types as scrawny instead of brawny, intelligent instead of dumb, socially inept instead of being a social butterfly, people tend to first think of a nerd as socially inept, mentally attractive but physically unattractive. I have found that often to be untrue. It isn't a good practice to label yourself or others for the very reason that there are too many exceptions to any description or label. I can state that my current husband and bf before I met him were both nerdy types. Husband considers himself one. I discovered last bf was an IT person, very intellectual but neither of them have a hint of lacking social skills. That proves you can't judge a book by it's cover or title. If a guy is a nerd, he is not going to be an exact copy of a dozen other nerds. Same as any artistic type, scholastic type, agricultural type, etc...there is going to be to each guy than a label.
So what matters most is what just you as a guy like in a woman. As a child already, my 2nd husband had a mental image of what he longed for someday in the body type of whom he would marry. He had no idea who and 1st wife wasn't the one. I am though. But that is his personal taste. There is so much to any individual, what they believe in, what they stand for, their brand of morality, how they treat a woman, etc... that there is no way I could tell you what a nerds 'dream girl' is.

However, if you consider yourself a nerd or others have called you that, and you are wondering what kind of gal to date, sorry but that is only a question you yourself can answer. I can help though. Usually women are asking how to find the right guy. But the document of instruction I have go's both ways and applies for men too. So if you are male, a nerd and want to discover and have a list of the qualities you best be looking for in a woman, then write me back, let me know you want the instruction on to find the perfect partner/mate, and I will give it to you. It's what I used to find my 2nd husband after a divorce. Because of my choices of what I knew I needed, I ended up with the most wonderful husband and lover.

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Ok so I've been best friends with this girl since I was 8 ( I'm now almost 14 ) here's a little bit about her she's adopted and her birth parents were abusive to her. Before she met me she was friends with this girl Who was super mean to me and this girl told her if she wanted to be friends with her she could not talk to me or be friends with me she told this girl that she was best friends with her and then when that girl wasn't around she told me I was her best friend but when this girl was around she just ignored me and when I asked her about it she said she was not friends with her anymore but to this day she still is friends with this girl ( this was happening when I was only ten and it still happens ) She also lies about random this and I think it's because she wants to make her life sound better for example she once told me that she was have this amazing birthday party but I found out from her mom that it was never happening another time she said she had a boyfriend and I found out that the was also not true and that she doesn't even talk to boys so basically she just lies about almost everything. I'm so confused about are friendship and I'm not sure what to do please help me!!

I see two ways to look at the part of her being frineds with both of you but not admitting it.

1. She likes both of you for her own reasons and really wants to keep you both but knows the other gal doesn't like you and that you want to avoid her. So she's stuck in the middle. Based on that premise, its possible the lying to each of you about being best friends with the other is being done in the only way she can think of to hold on to both of you as friends. Lots of people in this age range don't know what to do when it comes to fighting between people they like.

2. She lies and does whatever is an attention getting manuever that gets her the results she wants and that may be having as many people as she can who give her that kind of attention. This wold not be a friendship that goes both ways meaning you both do nice things for each other. It can be mostly one way, only for what you can do for her. This kind of person does not make the best friend. There are better choices.

Being abused and adopted can be a past that created a neediness to feel secure and loved and needing some special attention therefore. But it is not necessarily so. In my own extended family, there is an older child who was abused and is back with her Dad. The Mom stole her from the divorced Dad. I have seen enough of this girl to see that she is not exhibiting any attention getting or other poor behavior. One would never know to look at her that she had abuse in her past.

If this friend truly makes up big stories all the time to feel more self important, you will need to decide if this is someone you want to be friends with. You can't change her, only accept her as she is. If you can't, then you need to stop being her friend. It's okay right now, just annoying to you, but things could get worse. If the lying continues, it becomes a bad habit she can't stop. She may use it as a tool or weapon, to get what she wants, or to get revenge. So even if you can put up with it now, there's a chance she could get mad at you in the future and make up stories she tells classmates to purposely hurt you. This is worst case scenerio and may never happen.
It's hard to ask of you at your age to do the better thing and have a heart to heart talk in private. If you can be okay with her juggling both of you, as long as you don't have to be in the mean girls presence with her, I see no problem. I had good friends in school who did not prefer to be friends with some of my other friends. Just too different personalities. So I would choose to spend time with many friends individually. There was only a group of 3 that I could have lunch with together who were also friends with each other. Life isn't that simple. What you could do if you can get over the fact she is friends with someone who treats you bad, is to let her know you are sorry for acting like you wanted her to choose between you and the other girl for friends. Tell her she no longer has to pretend or make up stories (try to avoid the word LIE as that makes people react by shutting down and not listening to anything else you have to say) SO she doesn't have to make up stories about not seeing her. All you want from her is a promise that she will keep confidence with you, and not share anything you talk about with her, your private sharings and conversation with the other girl. As long as she treats you well and keeps Any info from you just between her and you, then you will remain friends with her.

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17/f
For a while now maybe 2 or 3 weeks I've had constant headaches. It's happened quite a lot before and it would last for months but it got better and now it's back. I wake up with a headache and go sleep with a headache. I can't even open my eyes properly because it hurts my head and my head feels really heavy. My neck starts hurting quite easily as well lately. I have blurred vision especially when looking at things like a projecter which is causing problems for me at school now. My eyes also have been twitching a lot lately and feel uncomfortable alot of the time. My headache usually ends up going into my ear as well or the parts surrounding my ear and sometimes into my left eye. I don't know of this can have anything to do with it or if it's just something else but I've also been peeing a lot lately for the past 2 weeks I've been having to go pee in every lesson at school.

If you need to hear it from more than one person, I am with adviceman. This sounds serious and you shouldd see a Dr. IMMEDIATELY! Just the fact alone that it is affecting your ability at school is bad enough, even if it were something really simple but the fact you've had it this long and this severe surely must point to something else in you which hopefully the Dr.s can find what is causing it.

There are lots of medical situations which if dectected early can be treated and the same if odd symptoms are ignored too long, can end up deadly. So if you want to live a long life and live it headache free, get to a dr. any way you can, even if the parents won't take you. If you've said nothing of this, (and I had a daughter who kept quiet about something medical too) they may have no clue and if you say something now for the first time, they might not believe it is really serious. But it is hon. If parents don't act, talk to school nurse and get referrels to clinics that will take teens whose parents won't take them to a Dr.

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28 female

I have a bad body odor and its been an extreme problem for me ever since high school . I would take a bath at night and I would also take a bath the next morning when I got up for school . I would also put on deodorant and then bring it with me and add more on through out the day and keep it in my purse . I still do this now that I am 28 years old ,but the problem is that I still stink and every deodorant that I have tried doesn't help any. What should I do?

I have something for you to try before going to see a Dr. as I know modern Drs. do not know about this.

It's not anything risky, in fact eons ago in Roman times, this is what they used to get clean before soap was created.

In modern times, we tend to think that soap is a replacement for this simple tool called a Strigil, however it is not. Soap can not do what the strigil can.
Read the following link to get a historical idea of how it was used. I know it says cellulite in the link but the article is about strigils

http://www.celluliteinvestigation.com/2010/11/strigils-skin-brushing.html

There are not many who offer a modern option. I looked for photos of 'modern strigils' which is what I used for a search and a photo of the 'Le Edge' product came up. Heres a link to article a gal writes about using it.
http://www.xojane.com/beauty/scrape-yourself-clean-with-le-edge

You may want to do more searching to find something to order. Not sure if bath and body type stores carry anything that really works. I was living in a remote community with spotty internet at the time and resorted to using something else. I had an old spreader knife of my Mom's. A spreader knife is what you'd think it means, used for spreading soft stuff on bread or crackers. It is not sharp or serrated for slicing. You just have to use some common sense here if thats the way you want to go.

If you have looked already that the 2nd link, the gal posted a photo of some of the dead skin that comes off, pictured on her fingernail. Come to think of it, finger nails will scrape this stuff off but only covers a tiny area of skin and it not very effective and extremely time consuming.

Ever had to scratch yourself during summer while out wearing sunning lotion or oil? Something like this applied to the surface of your skin is actually not in touch with live skin but a layer of grime and dead skin cells, bacteria and who knows what that has collected on the surface of your skin.
Here;s another link regarding dust mites because it is relevant to what I am talking about, the odor that all this dead skin and bacteria can create. Usually people don't smell that bad. But as we age, we end up with more dead skin more often. Also, all things that eat, also pee and poop. I read somewhere but can't find link, that it is suspected that these mites feeding on your dead skin which they find by its odor, also can make you smell worse by the odor of their excrements mixed in with your dead skin layer. Here's a link about the mites:

http://cureeczemaslowly.com/dust-mites-tiny-bugs-eating-your-skin-right-now/

When I first did the scraping, I did it after soaking in a tub a long time. You can drain the water but still sit in there to do so. I would take a swipe and knock the clay like substance that came off me, on to the edge of the tub to dispose of later. I kept doing so until I got most areas done. Do not forget to do this under the arms and this area also has lots of dead skin and usually more odor than other parts of body. It is pretty disgusting to see what comes off your skin. You will have less and less as you routinely keep up with this as part of your cleaning program and may get to the point where once a week or twice a month is enough or maybe less. I am older and as long as I keep it up once a week, I keep clean .
I have had time where I do not have a tub, only a shower, so I can't get the skin softened as well as a long soak but can still get some off. I have also used teflon scrub pads lightly and gently on the skin in shower to catch any dead skin I may have missed and you can see it easy against the darkness of the green pad. But I know a dermatologist would be horrified to hear of using teflon pads this way. Again you have to be careful or you can end up with scratches like scratching too hard with fingernails, or getting scratched by a cat or twigs outdoors. It's only happened twice to me and I make sure to put an antibiotic cream on any such scratches after if it does occur.

I use soap all over, only after I have exfoliated with strigil or teflon pad. If you try this, and the cause of your odor is due to a build up of dead smelly bacteria laced skin layer, then odor should be improved. If it is not totally gone though, there may be a medical issue or something else causing it and it would be time to try seeing a Dr. for it. Good luck and let me know how it goes.

If cleansing your

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I don't know but it's like whenever I feel like something is going to happen it happens. The whole summer I had this gut feeling anytime somebody that we don't know would ring the doorbell that they were probably a robber. Just last month (last month of summer) a strange man came to my house and tried to break in. I had that strong feeling he was a robber and of course I was right. So anyways my grandfather had a heart attack on Wednesday and I had the strongest feeling he was going to die. Of course he sadly died today, my dad is devastated cause that's his dad and I don't want to tell him I knew he was going to die cause my parents actually believe in whatever you say will come true. Do you think these are coincidences?

Once or twice can be coincidences. But if you get these feelings, hunches, visions ahead of an event and they all always come true, then that is no longer coincidence. There is something that a good amount of people don't believe in and will continue to call coincidence simply because it is so different from what they know. In my own family, many of us have these 'coincidences' (if you want to call it that), come up all the time. I have a sister who had nightly dreams for a year about Katrina hurricane hitting Louisianna. Once it hit, the dreams stopped. I have a sense of knowing. Thoughts will come to mind such as the time I was driving home from work and a thought popped into my head when I wasn't even having wandering thoughts and was singing along to a song on the radio. The thought was that I was supposed to tell my husband when I got home not to quit night school. This was before I trusted such things and thought perhaps I was crazy. The thought got stronger as I got home. I was too afraid to just blurt it out, but it was something I was told to say. In other circumstances, some things are meant only for you to know and not to share. I did finally say it but not until after I first asked him how his studying was going when I got home and he said it was terrible and he was thinking of quitting school. Sometimes when a real drastic or devastating event is about to happen in my life, my family, I will get the 'premonition' ahead of time. Thats what these coincidences are called. It means that you basically get a knowing of something before it happens. If it is something that can really blindside you with worry or grief, I get these ahead of time so I am already thinking about it so it isn't such a terrible surprise when it happens and I am able to keep it together and be strong for others because in the way,, I have kind of done some worry or grieving ahead of time.

I know you are concerned about the idea of what a person focuses on the most, or worries about most is actually brought into reality simply by those thoughts. Well, yes that is also a true concept but it revolves more along things that will happen to you personally, not your whole family or whole class, etc... An example that I have read that is used a lot is if a woman who daily needs to walk across a dark parking lot to get to her car and out of fear has thoughts every day that she might get raped, then there is a good chance that such a thing will come to pass. What actually happens is that everyone has a conscious and a sub-concious (SC) mind. The SC is what keeps you taking your next breath or blinking your eyes, something your conscious mind doesn't have to keep track of. The SC is also tied to our emotions. When we watch a sad movie that we know is not true, we still can end up crying and thats due to our SC mind experiencing it as real. Another thing the SC does is like to make you happy. It figures that what you focus on the most, is what will make you happiest. It is a truth to a point that you will think of nothing but that one thing you want for Christmas cus you will be happy if you get it. Well, your SC doesn't know the difference between thoughts focused on something good you want or something you are afraid of and unfortunately are worrying about happening all the time. So your SC will then influence your conscious mind to take actions that place you in a bad situation, such as the women fearing rape. It may not ever happen in the parking lot but she may against her better judgement start walking at night in risky neighborhoods and when hearing a noise of a hidden person nearby, not run into an open shop, or cross the street but actually turn around and go in that direction looking to see if she really heard someone or not. And thats when she is grabbed. I hope you see that these are two very different things we're talking about and you don't have the latter. You most likely are able to have premonitions. Lots of people who don't believe in such things until they happen to them, will just say, ;Oh, thats just psychic mumbo jumbo and try to discount it. I have read though that more people would be open to having these same abilities, the human mind is capable, if it were taught that humans are capable of this but they are either taught it is just fairy tale stuff or coincidence from an early age and we learn to close off our minds to it. There are only fewer people who without giving it any thought or trying to pursue these abilities, find they have them anyways. It's nothing to fear. You are not abnormal for it. Rather, you are by a fluke or accidently, as a human somehow having an ability that should be as natural to most humans as hearing and taste, sight, touch, smell. It is also called a 6th sense by some, but still not thought of as something special. You may not think of it as special since it has foretold of some terrible things. But you can have good ones too. Here's my biggest one to share. After a divorce from a terrible man, I wanted to find a man I could fall in love with and him with me. I kept wishing it in my mind but doing nothing about it. Then the thought comes to me in detail to make a list of all the qualities I need in a guy and even some I want that aren't as important like him having long hair. I was told that it was for me to learn that God cares about things like this more than i could know and He'd make sure that the right guy eventually met me. Now theres such a thing as the other person having a will of their own and depending on if they make a choice to respond or not, things can end up different. Such is my case. I was on an internet dating site. So was my 2nd husband. When he first read my profile, I sounded too good to be true he related later, and thought I was full of BS, (his own words). He'd seen my profile a year before he finally wrote to me. He'd seen it plenty of times since and kept ignoring it until the thought came to mind that he had to get over himself and just contact me and see if I was for real or not. So he finally did. Some people never act. So that is why there usually isn't a time specific date for any premonitions to come true or thoughts of something coming your way. If he had never contacted me, then I know that God would have worked out for a different man to learn of me and contact me, someone who met all the qualities on my list. If you have anything else like this you want someone to talk to about from time to time, you can write me hon. It's hard to know who believes of those in your life and who doesn't so I don't always share this stuff with just anyone. But you know you can talk with me. I understand as I have as some of my family does, have some of these (unexplainable by science) abilities that are for real.

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I recently got into a relationship with someone I've been talking to for a couple of months. Lately I've been feeling very unsure of it and I don't know why. I hadn't been in a relationship in over 3 years so maybe I'm just not use to it and this is just too new for me. My dad is also not as open/happy about it which I think is also having a big effect on me. I think I might just miss not having to worry about anything involving a relationship, I was just more at peace being single. I do care about him and like him a lot but I find myself pointing out the flaws/cons about him to myself and I don't know why. Maybe I'm not ready for a relationship or maybe my dad's opinion is getting to me. What should I do, am I over thinking this? Thank you..

I'll start with Dad. You did not say what reason he gives for not liking the guy. Then again, who knows if the reason he gives is the actual reason. Parents though have been on earth longer than their kids. Not all grown ups are mature but generally, the older we are, the more life experience we have and it could be he truly see's something that you can't, a potential problem later. Unfortunately many people can meet a person and instantly not like them even though the person hasn't said or done anything to warrant the bad opinion they seem to be getting. I know of people who never met me who instantly didn't want to meet me when a friend wanted to introduce us. It can be as simple as the person looks like someone from your own past who may have treated you badly, or their name is the same of such a person. Sometimes it is how they act or things they have said they believe or stand for...such as someone spouting racist stuff when your family is not racist at all.
So this is a big question in my mind.

Now on to yourself. I married at 20, or month before I turned 20. I felt so grown and mature then. Looking back, I now know I really did not have enough life experience or even dating experience to really be able to know what to look out for and no others to compare the guy against. He was the first to ask me out. THis was after Highschool. Unless the two in HS are both extremely mature for their age, I don't tend to like to use or compare any of those relationships to get an idea of what I want. I did finally mature and learned I was in a bad spot, married to a verbally abusive man. But my parents did not even see that. They actually liked him. He is still liked well enough when people first meet him but that wears off as they get to know him after months or a couple years, whether co workers, friends or new girlfriends, no one stays long. If my parents can be fooled, then even if your Dad did like him, that may not be the best indicator if the guy is someone trustworthy who will treat you well.
So it really falls to you to decide what it is you need and want in a relationship when you feel you are ready to date to start getting ideas of who fits the picture the best. Before that point, dating for you is best used as simply a social thing, not getting into a relationship and committing to be the girlfriend of only the one guy. It is better to get some experience of going out with several different guys with different temperaments, personalities, beliefs, manners, etc... so you at least have more of an idea of what you did like about one guy and did not like about another. Lets say you had a friend growing up who had an anger problem and you did not like having to feel like tip toeing around them trying not to upset them. You would be looking for a guy who does not anger easily, is pretty even tempered, and doesn't ever raise their voice to you. To give more an example, since my ex yelled at me a lot and humiliated me in public on purpose over and over, I had criteria, of course from learning the hard way, that I wanted the next man I meet to be even tempered, never raise his voice to me or cut me down verbally. It is another thing if he is upset with himself or fate and something going wrong and he is tired and just swears, "Ah shit, I can't believe this is happening again" which is yelled. I can handle that as it is not directed at me, and we all need that release valve to be able to let off steam when we are frustrated, just not dumping on the one we are supposed to love or using them as our verbal punching bad. Its one thing for me to tell you this but another when you experience the good, the so so and the ugly as you date. I do have a document I've written on how to find Mr. Right. But if you are not sure you want to be in a relationship yet, then you are not ready to commit to someone whether as girlfriend or future wife. And that is okay. But there is no reason that you can not date casually without promising to be just one persons girlfriend. If you find any guys don't want to go out with you or demand you date only them, then that guy feels threatened by other males, and its a sign he's insecure and its best to steer clear of them. Yes, I came across some insecure guys myself. So don't feel bad if a guy makes demands you are not willing to change for. a guy must like you as you are, not wanting you to change for him. Just date casually and for fun and quietly gather information about what you do and don't like in a guy. This will help you later when you feel ready to get in a serious relationship. Even then, we can think we've found a great guy but until a certain amount of time is spent around them, not just when they are in a good mood, but how they treat you when they are tired, sick or stressed should not change drastically. We all can be short with someone when not feeling good. However when my 2nd husband does that, he immediately apologizes and tells me its not me, that he isn't feeling well and I give him space, and he uses self control to not speak sharply again. Of course we are older, and I don't know if younger people often use self control. I see so many who do not. If you can, then seek a guy when ready who also knows how to use self control. If you have any specific question, just write and ask me. I know I've kinda rambled here.

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I've lived with a multitude of different people in my life and now I never want to do it again. I've lived with an ex-fiance where we shared an apartment, with a serious boyfriend in his apartment, with both of my parents in their respective apartments. I've lived with a multitude of different roommates through college and I currently live with one roommate. At one time I had my own apartment for three months during summer vacation on campus and it was the best time of my life. I loved it. I also like my current situation because my roommate goes to bed early and we have our own bedrooms and bathrooms and she's fairly clean, but I would still prefer to live alone.

I hate sharing, it makes me angry to see another persons items taking up space in the house (including in the fridge, cabinets, etc.) I want everything to be decorated my way and for the house to be clean and organized at all times. I don't want to worry about walking out of my bedroom in a T-shirt. I don't want to worry about waking somebody up or them waking me up. I want to decorate everything all my own and not have to worry about somebody else putting up decor or bringing in furniture.

I hate sleeping with another person. I don't like their body heat next to mine, that they take up space in my bed, that I can't spread out. I don't like being cuddled/held/touched when I'm trying to sleep. I don't like the idea of somebody else sleeping in my bed and possibly not having showered first. I don't even want people to sit on my bed. Similarly, I don't like people using my shower/bathtub/toilet it's gross to me. I'd prefer they go home and use their own though I understand if it's an emergency.


I also don't like other people's pets. I only like my own. I just automatically see other people's pets as dirty and probably having fleas (which I'm terrified of and will break down and cry if I see one).


Now all of this makes me sound like a very antisocial person right?
Well here's the odd part. Outside of the house, I love being around people. I love to be social, see my friends/family, and go to social events. I do want to be in a relationship, but I don't know that I could ever live with somebody again let alone another man.

I hope that doesn't sound sexist, but I've just noticed men tend to be a little sloppy and have expectations about their living environment that upset me. For example, little things like my ex wanting to put up a tacky painting on the wall or leaving his game controller out used to make me very upset. Another ex was clean and decorated nicely, but I couldn't stand the feeling of somebody coming home at a certain time every day and always having to work around his schedule. I eventually also started to panic about some of his items that would sit around for too long or that I didn't think were flattering.

All of this leads me to wonder if I'm OCD. When I say these things make me upset they don't just make me emotional for a short time, I have full on anxiety attacks about it. I don't see myself ever being in a serious relationship again because I'm not willing to live with a man.


Is this all crazy? What's wrong with me?

Hi hon. This isn't a pychologists opinion, you've got to get that from a doctor, but my opinion is that no matter what type of disorder, if a person only seems to have it in a few areas of life or just one, then it is not the full blown version of it. So maybe there is some OCD. However, I see nothing wrong with having a set standard of cleanliness or how to store or decorate ones shared living space. In fact that is quite natural. My second husband likes to keep a place clean and organized. He is however not much into decorating. And when it comes to decorating for the seasons or holidays, he could care less personally about a Christmas tree for example. But he does know how much I like it. Instead of going nuts cus I like to decorate, he only has asked that i do not expect him to get into the decorating aspect or be as excited as I am about any precious things I find to decorate with. He will 'tolerate' this, because he knows it makes me happy. He has in fact on some occasions brought me home something unique to decorate for Fall or Christmas because he knows how much I would enjoy it, even though it means little to him. I'd have to call this a bit of give and take or compromising because deep down, we both love each other so much that we want to make the other happy, even if something they do, or they like isn't our cup of tea or at times is aggravating to us. For example, his style of humor or types of music is so vastly different from mine. I can tolerate only so much and maybe be okay with the first 3 songs he plays. After that, he has to use ear buds or head phones as it would drive me on edge same as my choice of music would irritate him. He is also a high functioning Austistic so he can easily be irritated by too much happening at once, though he has learned to control himself so well that others don't know, even family, only me as I live with him but due to his self control, it is not an issue and he lets me know when something i am doing is starting to set him off so i can stop or go to another room. It isn't all the time but a couple times a week it can happen and I will adjust and back off for a while. So I can see both sides of the coin and see where some of what you're dealing with is normal personal choice and see also where there are the things you don't have control over that irritate that make me think of OCD or some other disorder. Don't be hard on yourself, it's not a death sentence for life. But I am betting a Dr. may be able to help as you don't sound like a cut and dried OCD issue. Yes, I feel there are anxieties that may be fueling what you believe to be OCD.
Having a certain standard with your pets in cleanliness is a good thing for your pets and in todays world, I am finding many of the younger generations just don't have the same standard they apply in life as the older generations. It is obvious in manners for one. It is also obvious in how they keep up their house or the detailed care they put into their pets. too many want pets but don't have the money or wish to spend on the necessities for their pet. Its a family member, needing healthy food, bathes, regular Dr.(Vet) checkups same as any human and yet because its not a human, some folks let things slide. While I choose to block those concerns out of my mind, I will not allow someones dog to lick me. I may not even get close enough if it seems to be an abused dog or cat that might bite or scratch and who knows if it's current on shots. I don't think about fleas until I have been bitten by one. Anything that can bite you can possibly carry germs but it isn't alway the case, but houseflies, mosquitos are known germ carriers and I would suppose fleas could too. I know its important to avoid ticks. So all in all, unless you know a person to have the same standards in caring for their pet, I see it as reasonable to choose to avoid them period. then you are not seeming to choose favorites, such as 'Why won't you come near my pet while you enjoy petting Susies cat?"
I do believe that there is room for improvement in what you are dealing with but it will take a drs help. There is a need to compromise too even if you are cured of all disorders and that is something that some people are willing to do and others aren't. If living with someone, each needs to have their own space to do with as they wish and any common areas need to be the ones both compromise on. That or you are attempting to live with someone too different from you.

I do know that there are anxieties that can be helped with medication if you have those concerns but it takes a certain type of Dr. that works more with your thoughts and preconcieved ideas and it is called CBT, cognitive behavioral therapy. Its helps cure more people than medication. I used to have severe social anxiety and this method cured me back when I was getting out of high school. It works on all anxieties. So what makes most sense to me is to treat that which can be fixed without medication first, a Dr. focusing on that first. and then seeing where you are at after, and then if there is some OCd or other disorder, then treating that is medication is needed. If it isn't holding you back in all other areas of life, then it isn't severe. You may not require much medication at all, or perhaps, just verbal instructions from a professional on how to deal with the things that bug you when they pop up. a lot of it may be just knowing from a professional what is the best way to think about a situation. I found that most my issues were all caused by distorted thinking and once my thinking was corrected, all my issues went away. I hope the same for you dear.

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I had no idea what category to pick for this. I'm probably going to sound crazy and weird, but I just want an opinion.

I'm 20/F. I recently joined a forum dedicated to a particular fetish. On this forum, I have started chatting with one particular guy.

In school, we were always taught to be cautious because you never know if the person you are talking to online is a random middle aged man trying to use you. Well, ironically enough, the guy I'm talking to is almost 50, but he's not trying to use me and he isn't acting creepy at all. He's been quite clear about his age, and he knows my age. He's told me that he's married and has three daughters around my age. He's very polite and respectful, and tells me he doesn't want to cross any of my boundaries because he likes talking to me.

We've been talking quite a bit over the past couple weeks. Mostly about stuff related to the fetish. Despite that, our conversations are not
at all sexual, mostly given the age gap, though I wouldn't be comfortable with it in any situation. There are brief mentions of being excited or aroused, but that's it. Zero details, nothing more than a mention.

I've been pretty careful, despite how nice he's being. The only things he really knows are my age and what country I live in. I haven't given him my name, and he hasn't pushed for it. He hinted once, but I told him I was uncomfortable giving it to him, and he immediately backed off. (I suppose I could easily give a fake name, but he's calling me by my favourite colour right now, and I quite enjoy it). We've sent a few pictures to each other, but none nude and none showing faces.

I just want to know if you think this is an okay thing for me to be doing. He doesn't seem creepy at all, just friendly and lonely, and he isn't pushing for anything. A couple times he's said things that he thought might be crossing a line and proceeded to apologize several times before I told him I wasn't at all uncomfortable with what he had said. To me it seems like a relatively harmless relationship, but I would like an outside opinion.

Thank you for thinking of asking me. I am an open minded person. While doing such a thing isn't my cup of tea, doesn't mean it won't work well for others.
I do know there are many men, some in committed relationships and married who have sexual fetishes and others not part of the sex act but non the less, acts that arouse a person sexually. There are girlfriends and wives who are not okay with or grossed out by some of these fetishes and the men do not push their women because they still love them very much. Its just that they still have an unfulfilled fetish or two and at this point will turn to the internet where they can remain anonymous.
So if there are women ...or men who want to fulfill others needs and perhaps have a need fulfilled of their own by interacting on line regarding fantasies or fetishes or anything other thing, then it only needs to be okay with those two individuals. As long as you are being as safe as possible.

I do know of a woman 10 years older than me who is divorced, living in a remote community, too far for anyone to travel to have a relationship and she is still a very sexual creature. She used to be a neighbor. She was doing on line relationships through Second Life, an online venue using Avatars where you can experience anything there that one could experience in real life but for some reason can't or you wouldn't as its too scary or not even feasibly possible. You can experience what its like to be vampire, a gunslinger in the wild west or pursue your wildest fantasies. She met actual people that way. The men tended to be searching for female avatars that they could have sex with and though she wasn't into acting thru the stranger fantasies, she knew a person or two who were. There was a male who wished he'd been born of the female gender. So his avi was female so he could experience in some ways what its like to be seen and treated as a female by others. I am now a close friend of this person and have heard in passing some of the crazy stuff that comes up. He knows someone who made money in the game venue which is set up to make game money generated by having Second life properties they rent, having retail stores selling avi's clothing, jewelry etc... or those who get tips and paid game money to sing in clubs, act, be dj's at clubs, etc. He tho male, but being bi, had a convincible female avi who seemed to know just how to talk to the male avi's and was willing to interact online regarding the most bizarre fantasies and fetishes.
He had a men paying him game money who believed him to truly be a female in real life, to do things they could not do in real life, like a man from Japan whose fetishes and fantasies were forbidden there in real life and if he was caught, he'd lose everything in life and could end up going to jail. This is serious stuff. So I have heard of some of the most bizarre strange things that people would never do in real life for health concerns or other, but the thought of which gets them aroused away. I don't know what fetish you're talking about but i know of this guy getting paid enough game money that once added up could be taken out as real life money though not as much as the game money. So if you are ever thinking you'd could be doing what you are doing and possibly have a few clients in game and get paid extra pocket money for doing something that is fun for you, then why not. You might be stretched to consider fulfilling fantasies of others that are too far out to be comfortable for you in real life but others are willing to pay for. I never would have believed it in the past but the person I know in second life has come across those who like 'golden showers' peeing as a sexual turn on, but I never thought that people in real life would crave going further, pooping of each other or choosing to throw up on each other as a way to be aroused. While I would never be turned on by such things and find it too dangerous in passing on germs and getting infected, it does exist as a secretive fantasy. YOu are an adult and can choose what you wish as far as fetishes and fantasies. Maybe it will only be online and never in real life as it seems to be for most people. After all, it isn't easy going about finding someone in real life who has the same fetishes as you.
At any point the man becomes too demanding or you don't like something or feel uncomfortable, just stop and never answer him again. Even in second life, the woman had a stalker or two following her everywhere she went in the game, trying to talk in controling ways and it actually really scared her. She had to report him to game authorities and they will cancel accounts of anyone who breaks rules or gets too many complaints after they check out those avi's and find it to be true.
So I am saying that you might mention the game to him if you check it out and like it. It takes a long time to learn but there are always others on line willing to help you if you are having troubles and ask a question on how to do something on your end in playing the venue. Due to regulations, the game can be a safer place to play and interact with others. I tried it for a while just to do fun stuff like jet ski, or sail boarding since I don't swim in real life. But my avi was hit on by guys and too many like in real life just want sex with female avi's but there felt good manners were not needed. If a guy started talking abusive to me that I met while playing volley ball on a second life beach, and I had not accepted friendship so he had a link to find me, I could just click a button and leave the beach and he'd not be able to follow. Have fun and keep being careful.

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My family was in the direct path of Hurricane Irma and our power was out from last Friday until today. Before that we spent days and days preparing for the storm. My college administrators said they understand what students are going through, but the teachers obviously don't as they're still assigning all the work we missed instead of cancelling some assignments. For example I now have one teacher who assigned 6 assignments all due in one day. Others are assigning two weeks of work due within five days.

Now I'm so far behind with my homework I can't possibly get it all done and all of it was homework that had to be done online with digital textbooks so without power I couldn't do it. I already have mild anxiety, but at this point I'm only one assignment away from a major break down.

I don't know what to do. My teachers just seem to keep saying that they can't just erase assignments and need to have them in order to properly calculate our grade at the end of the semester.

Please help!

I can understand not 'erasing' assignments. The assignments are not just busy work that can be ignored but a way to show that indeed you did understand and know all of what the class is about, the subject you are studying in the first place.
So thats not going to happen.

However, that means the only other option due to the interruption of the hurricane, is to take this up with the principal of the school, to be allowed more time to get the assigments in. You can't possibly be the only student who didn't have power. Talk to others in your class. It is better if a group of you go talk to the principal. If the principal doesn't attempt to come up with some kind of compromise, take it to the school board to complain. During all of this, being doing as many assigments as you can complete. Do not worry about a final date due for all, as it may come and go. You and others can keep complaining and the school may have to fix things 'after' they have finalized grades.
If you have no help from the school board, I am willing to bet that if you and a couple other students call one of the local tv stations that they will want to follow up your story and that will bring bad publicity to the school for being unreasonable with assignments expected on time even though most had no electricity during Irma. It is possible the school will apologize and make some kind of compromise that all can live with.

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24/f

How do you know when you find a job that is the right fit for you? I originally wanted to be a counselor but because I didn't get into graduate school the first semester (I applied late and didn't get into the top 2 schools in the U.S.), I gave up and decided to go into teaching. Part of me thinks I went the easy route because I wanted a career instead of a "job."

I'm not happy with teaching. My first year I taught special education but I didn't like it, I decided to go into a general education setting. This job is harder but on a different aspect. I was told not to "jump ship" yet and to give it a chance before quitting.

Don't get me wrong, I love my students, but I don't love my job. I am not inspired to be there. I wake up dreading to go to work. I consistently hear about teachers or other people talking about how their job feels natural to them. What do I do? Do I give it time and WAIT until I fall in love with my job? Should I go back and pursue counseling (there's a "what if" on the back of my mind), what should I do?

My brother in laws friend always came to Thanksgiving dinner and each year we asked what he was studying now in school. With him, he had as much a hard time discovering what vocation was cut out for him. He got degrees, started a job and didn't like it, made a guess at what he thought he might like next and went back to school. While in school, he totally changed his degree he went after 3 times I think. I felt bad for him so I know how frustrated you must be. This is years later and I am now getting closer to retirement and looking back, I realize that I didn't have any idea of what to study in college and never went. I wish there was a course or college prep class that helps a person to discover what their passions are and get a clue that way. In tests I took to see where I had more interest at my local college, I did not score higher on one thing but the same on 4 of 5 basic fields of work with differing jobs within each. Since I didn't score high enough to have a clue, I gave up. Now I have learned that I have the interests in life that I have because of what my passions are. So to give you an idea of what I am talking about, what I mean is to ask yourself: What things can I do that I can't get enough of doing it, where I get so totally absorbed, the time just flies, where I feel a satisfaction from what I do. Now here is my own life example of that to give you a better picture. I found I loved raising my kids and enjoyed children in general, I love gardening and I love all sorts of crafts. It's hard to analyse yourself so my 2nd husband helped out and told me that he saw me as a nurturing person and creative person. Those two things are what drive me to want to do the things I do. For example, I got to do lots of crafts with the kids, I could use my creativity in gardening and yard art but nurturing was what made me so comfortable and happy being a mom, nurturing comes out in growing plants too, taking care of them so they grow well and you might say that even if some do not like what I write, the reason I am volunteering so much here in Advicenators, is again due to my nurturing side where I like to help people to discover how to make better decisions for their life, in that way, helping others lives to grow more happy and successful and fulfilling. Thats a lot of back story but I wanted you to keep that in mind for yourself.
Reality is that the great majority of people, whether those with degrees or not, are working jobs that they do not really enjoy, it just serves to bring in an income. Those who are enjoying their jobs and don't mind it, or even get great satisfaction and look forward to their day, well...those people are very few. You will be told by many to just stick with it. However, you did say you find yourself dreading to go to work and to me that it the polar opposite of being passionate about your work. Finding a job you don't mind that falls somewhere in the middle in a more likely thing to happen and I still think knowing what drives you, what you are passionate about already in hobbies, activities, concepts, etc that capture your attention is a good place to start in analyzing what vocation may be a better fit for you. Lets say you like hiking. That does not mean you are stuck being a search and rescue worker or a guide at a National park. But take apart that one thing hiking, and what goes into it. Hikers have a love of the outdoors, they like doing something physical and athletic, they enjoy beautiful scenery, maybe even enjoy learning and know all the flora and fauna (plants and animals).
So you try to think of jobs that take you outdoors, that require being physical for example. ANd then you come up with a list of jobs where those qualities are needed. From that list, you determine how plentiful any of those jobs are to get in the first place and how much you can earn at them, and whether you need to get schooling to do that job. I used to do mostly clerical office work and it was okay. It never had any real bad moments and there were days I felt I had accomplished a lot and helped many people who called in for help in getting a claim started. And I could feel proud of myself at the end of the day. It helped that I really enjoyed my coworkers and boss in our little department. You don't get to interact with your coworkers, other teachers, just kids all day. I know I've answered you before but now you are being honest enough with us so it helps to know that you 'dread' your job. It doesnt mean you intend to do a bad job at teaching but of the teachers I've known either my own or some of my childrens teachers, there were great ones, so so ones and really bad ones. I've bet you can already figure out which ones had a passion for it, were okay with it but not passionate and those who hated their job and it was just income. The latter are teachers who do a disservice to the children. Children like adults, can sense things that our regular senses don't pick up and if the teacher has no joy for his/her job, then the student are not as excited or inspired to learn.
Plus, the amount of mental stress on yourself if dreading a daily job is not going to be good for your health in the long run. You can probably get by for a while but after years and years of doing something that is so stressful to you, it will take its toll on you physically. The stress has to go somewhere and it slowly goes into your body and attacks an area in which your particular body type tends to be prone to have medical issues or weaknesses if not taking proper care of yourself. We tend to forget about stress being able to do such things because its not an immediate disease that pops up the 3rd week of a job. It takes years but can be major like stomach ulcers, cancer, heart issues. So I can tell you right now that it is NOT a matter of waiting over time to see if you'll fall in love with your job. You are a unique person but teaching or nurturing may not be part of who you are. And theres no reason to feel theres anything wrong with you because you may lack enjoyment of your vocation as the others seem to have. I have one daughter who is a natural nurturing mom and the oldest is not at all and there is nothing, even parenting classes that can force her to become something that she never in life will be. Don't force yourself to do something that you have such a strong negative reaction to. YOu may find a vocation that is okay but not that you are passionate about and that is the kind of job that most have and it is very possible to navigate such a vocation without harm to yourself or any dire effect on any others you interact with.

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guys i need your help once i fingered my self but not hard that was all but if i tuchd my fathers pants or something like that an i be pregnat ? but i dont even put my fingeri in so hard so i dont even know if i tuched anything but thats my quesstion

No you cant get pregnant by touching things, eating things or any of that sort of thought. the only way to get pregnant is by live sperm being inserted into your vagina via a penis or pre cum on the males fingers if he touched his penis first and then inserted same cum covered fingers inside of you fingering you.
Hon, I know that schools mostly no longer offer health education with sex education basics, so I can understand you not knowing this very basic stuff. But I suggest that you start studying. There is much you can find on the web or check out books at library.
I can get you started with a youtube blogger named Laci Green. Her sex ed is on all sorts of topics and include relationship, gender, dating info as well.
Her videos are very informative, short to help with attention span issues and I highly recommend listening to the videos a couple times each as they have so much info crammed into a short space. She is entertaining and started self educating as a teen. She is a great resource for teens even though she is now college age.
Heres a link to her site:
https://www.youtube.com/user/lacigreen

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