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I thought we were friends then he kissed me? Now what?
I went out on 3 dates with this guy and had a great time. We got really close and I was really liking him and then on the 4th date I took him out on a double date with my best friend and her date.
Well that date didn't go well. My best friend and him argued when he asked me to pay for drinks and I got upset with him after we got into a conversation about singers and he said "If I was famous I would date all the beautiful girls and not settle until I found the perfect one". I just felt like it was a very rude comment considering I was right there and I'm not bragging or anything, but I consider myself a good catch. I have a job, studying for my masters, have a nice big place with a roommate, a new car, and I consider myself fairly attractive. Meanwhile, he lives with his parents, works with his parents, and is going to a community college for an Associate's degree. Like why does he think he deserves the perfect girl? He tried to backtrack later and say he didn't mean it "like that" and that I don't have to worry about it because he's not famous, but I was hurt and told him we should just be friends because I don't want to have to compete with all the "beautiful girls" and then lose him to this imaginary unicorn "perfect girl". He seemed sad, but was okay with being friends (this was a week ago).
Today, three weeks later we went out as FRIENDS. We went to a festival and had a great time and then to a movie together. It was just as much fun as our first three dates and I was really appreciating being just friends. Then at the end of the night we parted ways and everything was good...until he turned around and walked back towards me and suddenly kissed me. I won't lie, I kissed him back , but I think part of me did it just so it didn't make things awkward. After he said something along the lines of how he didn't want me to friendzone him and didn't want to make me wait another "date" for him to kiss me. I just kind of giggled about it and we parted ways again.
Now I don't know what to do. I do have a lot of fun with him and think he's cute and sweet. He's looking to move out of his parents place soonish and I'm looking for somebody who might want to take my roommates room when she moves out in 5 months so it could work. He's willing to do a lot of fun things that a lot of guys aren't. He has a steady job. He doesn't have any pets or kids which I like. He is at least trying to get an education. However, I'm still worried about what he said. I don't want to be anybody's "until the grass is greener girlfriend" and especially not when it seems like I'm the ambitious one.
Help? I'm so confused.
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My wife and I are the exception to the rule as we were totally taken with each other on are first date and married six months later. That was 47 years ago.
That being said for most people 4 dates is not enough time to decide if you want a long term relationship with someone. I would put his remarks made on the double date in the category of conversation among others that was just meant as conversation. No harm was intended and I did not read where you told him how hurtful his comment was. I feel based in his friendzoned comment that he knows he said or did something on the last date to upset you but is not exactly sure what it might be.
Then you go on to say you might want him to move into your apartment as a roommate. be careful how you ask him as he may get the idea he is moving into your bedroom.
My advice is that there is some lack of communication between you two. If you see him as a potential life mate or long term relationship with possibilities. Then you two need to have a conversation and you need to tell him how you feel about the remark he made. I am fairly confident that it was not a serious remark. That he is not looking for the playmate of this month or next month.
One of the first things my wife said to me when we married was. "You may look at the menu all you want." "If I attempted to reorder she would cut something off that all men hold dear and stuff it someplace where the sun doesn't shine." So I have the right to look but not sample or reorder and maybe that is the secret to 47 years of marriage.
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Lets face it, males often have no idea how to talk to girls and quite often seem to be sticking their foot in their mouth and things come out wrong.
I can see how what he said can be hurtful. Because of that, you said you both had to be just friends. I don't think he wanted that but was willing to agree in hopes to win you back again.
I can't say that he won't find somebetter, or maybe that you will. Theres two kinds of dating. The dating of someone with whom you are more than friends, and want to be together, just not married yet but you're sure this is the one you want to grow old with or at least have for a long term relationship. However, there is dating where you go out with someone you find attractive and their looks sexually pleasing. The dating you do with such a person is not the committed dating I described previously. This dating is to find out more about the person the good, bad and inbetween to see if its something you can live with or not tolerate at all. If too much is wrong, you move on to the next and keep doing so until you've gotten better at spotting the qualities you don't like and avoid dating such guys. You remember the good points of past guys and attempt to find them in the next guy. Guys don't date like girls do. A female seems to think if a guy asks you out or kisses you that he has an interest already in wanting to be your boyfriend or future husband. It's very unlikely that most women find their male partners that sure after a couple of dates. Males tend to want to not commit to anyone until they have explored a gal, by spending plenty of time with her. Women should be doing the same. I did after a divorce. I know I'm a social person and wanted someone for a husband who could be my best friend also. I did not commit to dating one guy after one or two dates. In fact, I told them I was going to be going out with, meeting others guys and would keep doing so until I was sure I had met the guy I wanted to commit to who also loved and wanted to commit to me. Not a single man ever had a complaint about that. They understand that because for the most part, they do the same.
The key for you is to not let go a guy who just messed up once or twice by saying something that comes out sounding Soooo wrong. I am now 8 yrs with my 2nd husband. He is not prone to saying the wrong things. But even a good guy like him at times has said something that came out sounding wrong. Thing is, I know his heart and his devotion to me so I know he did not mean to say anything hurtful and therefore I dont take it that way. Often I will laugh and tell him how what he just said sounded and tell him to be glad I am his wife because another woman might flip her lid. He apologized and says its not what he meant. We all speak sometimes before thinking how those words might affect someone else listening. I know a woman I met when she was in her forties and ill and had gained weight and I am sure is self conscious about it. She once told me she used to do plus size modeling. When I saw a photo of her back in those days and blurted out, "I can see why you were a model, you were beautiful." No sooner had the words left my mouth when she indignantly said, "I am still pretty, are you saying I am not now?" Oops. Women tend to be way more easily affected by things said taking them wrong. None of us looks as good when older as we did in our 20's and 30s. It's a fact of life and I did not mean she was ugly now, but because of her current situation, she took it wrong.
Right now, I'm betting this guy thinks he's forgiven and it's all over in your mind. Why? He kissed you, you kissed back and then giggled. A person upset at someone does not giggle at them. So he is assuming all is well and hoping to have a second chance to spend as much time as he needs to get to know you to determine if you're the right lady for him. At the same time, you need to be determining if he's the best guy for you for life, to settle down with, have kids with. Often one person becomes dis-illusioned while one still feels the other is wrong person. And I wont say it doesn't hurt but there is no other way of really getting to know a person well enough to know if you want to spend the rest of your life with them.
The only thing really that you could do to kill any interest in you is to appear to have low self esteem and not seem confident. That is something females do all too easily and wonder why the guy left them. The unknown aphrodisiac to men is a great self confidence in women. The female who has that will catch the interest of many men and the one who becomes her only man, will want to be devoted to her unless she's made a poor choice and chosen an obvious player. If you wonder if its a bad thing that he mentioned 'Beautiful' women, if you know that all males are visually stimulated from the moment they go through puberty until the day they die, then you will understand how important it is that he find you appealing in looks. He must or he wouldn't be with you still.
So there's no reason why if you have some things in common that you spend more time together. In 5 months, if all is well, you might offer roommate choice to him. Living with someone is the final step to discovering things about them you can
not find out by just going out on dates or chatting on the phone. You learn what his house keeping habits are for one. YOu probably would resent a guy who is lazy at home, messy and won't do his share of household chores, its not just paying half the rent that counts but all of it. If the guy is lazy and a slob, you have to think, do I really want to have kids with him and have the kids pick up all his bad habits and you still do the mommy crap for all the kids and him too, with no help. I had an ex like that who for mental reasons couldn't handle being the adult in the unexpected events that come along in life like the hot water heater breaking and flooding the kitchen or vandalism of broken window in my car. I had to handle all the daily and the unexpected stuff that life brings as he could not. I wish I'd known better when younger. Now, I try to save some gals from having to learn the hard way or to at least have some clue. In 5 months, if your feelings for him have lessened or worn off or there are too many things about him you don't like, then its time to part ways and you would be best off not adding him in as a roommate. Theres a chance all may be fine and he does become a roommate and later, you discover something you didn't realize about him until living with him. It doesnt mean you were dumb or stupid, this is how we all find out about a potential partner, in the living together. So its okay to end the living situation after a while if it doesnt work out for you. Just make sure its okay with the landlord, knowing hes your roommate but hold on to the renters title in your name so you aren't left high and dry if he decides to break up after living together a while.
So don't be afraid to explore and learn more in depth stuff about him. If he tends to say hurtful things all the time, on purpose trying to humiliate you, verbally attack you, etc...then you have good reason to let him go. ON the other hand, you can't go bu one or two awkward examples of him putting his foot in his mouth that he is going to be like that always. He's agreed to be a friend until he can convince you to be his girlfriend. You have nothing to lose and checking him out further. Just use common sense and your womans' intuition and I'm sure you'll figure him out just fine.
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