Your "friend" has shown at the very least a clear lacking of good judgement and disrespect for you and your husband as parents and friends. At worst, she may indeed be psychologically unbalanced and a sexual predator. It is still a little shocking to view a woman as a possible threat...we usually leave perversion to the men and are hesitant to suspect females. Unfortunately psychosis is not as sexist as our society and is not gender biased. She needs therapy...serious therapy and not "a friend" whether you or your son or her next victim. Do not let your sense of obligation to your friend overwhelm your real obligation to your son. She has proven she cannot be trusted and the only thing to do is to erase her from your lives completely. A big maybe but do be cautious: Maybe in the far future when she admits all abnormal behavior and takes responsibility for her wrongs and has completed a lot of therapy, you might be able to keep in touch outside of the home and away from all children/grandchildren etc...Think this is too paranoid? What if she were a 36yr old man, a friend of your husband's that had made a play for and stalked your teenage daughter? Same difference. The best thing now is to waste no more energy on this woman and use everything to get back in touch with your son. Family counseling would be a great idea.

Feelings are normal. They tell you what is going on with your body and mind and spirit. These feelings are telling you that a lot is wrong with something in your life right now and you need to change it. Feelings are your friends, so listen to them. Until you listen to yourself, you will feel powerless and stuck. Sex is not boring. You may just be bored with having sex with someone you are not excited to be with. When you first started having sex, you were not ready to do it physically and emotionally, so you had to shut down emotionally to get through the experience physically...which made it more unenjoyable. This is not a relationship, it is a liability and you have been playing the victim role and going along with someone who has hijacked your will. Get it back. Take it back now. Don't ask permission, just say to him, but first to yourself, "No more." This is your life and your body. Never have sex with someone unless you really dig the prospect of both the act and the person. Don't cheat yourself out of real joy, by settling for this poor excuse of a relationship. You have wasted enough tears on this, so I predict that when you really break it off and begin living your life, you will not cry over the loss...you will be gaining so much joy when you take your will back. Do it now.

Well there could be more than one truth to this explanation, so let's explore both. You are afraid that they are ignoring you and that may have some truth in it, but nothing is all black and white. Are you a shy person? Sensitive? It may be also true that because you are the least aggressive and least willing to interrupt and get your way, that you feel left out. If you choose to hang with a crowd that does not make room for shy people to get involved in the conversation, you have a couple choices. Get out of the group and hang out with other shy kids...might work for you. The other choice is to break loose of your shell and add some fierceness to your own persona by taking chances in conversations and not waiting for permission to speak your mind. Be strong and you will feel strong. Energy follows thought. If you think you will be ignored you will act in a way that reinforces that perception and feel badly. If you think that you have a choice in the matter and are willing to own your power to change your thoughts and actions, you will start living with power and everything will change for you. Seize the day.

You live in an eight thousand square foot prison. You have three beautiful children who need a loving and calm environment. You need to find peace and strength within your own soul and realize that no one ever has the right to disrespect you and those you love. You have a great job, and even though you are overworked and underpaid, it is a very crucial job touching hundreds of lives and impacting the future. You don't need to live in a prison whether it is small or large, plain or fancy. You need a real home, which by definition is a place of comfort and rest and love and acceptance. Your family would not want you to be chained to a rock, just because it is on their land. You would not expect your own children to live that way...you love them and want to set a good example of family. You love a toad and wish he were a prince, but there is no wand in sight. This toad is grumpy and stinky and mean, and maybe he is always going to be this way and never change. I wish I had a wand, but I have the next best thing...a mirror. You are looking into it now and seeing that you are a beautiful and strong woman...a queen who does not need a castle to be a queen, and she has the most precious of all reasons to be whole and healthy and happy. The toad is a problem, but not a solution....what I mean by this is that while he is creating mischief and muddying up the waters, he does not have all the power and you can not wait on him to make things better. If he is unwilling to get counseling and make a real effort to change, then you need to let him and the big house go. Open yourself up first to positive things...even miracles to happen within your home and family with your toad. Let go every bad thing he has done and start over...give this toad a clean slate and your respect (yes, I know how impossible this seems, but sometimes a man will live up to or down to our expectations...they really are simple creatures) and if within a reasonable amount of time you and he are living in two different worlds still, then a divorce will not be as bad as staying together, though it will not be painfree. No one knows your situation like you do. You have my support no matter what you choose, but you must make this decision when you are in a positive frame of mind, knowing that you are choosing your best life for you and your children.

It is understandable to feel stressed, doubtful, and uncertain about the future. The most unhealthy thing we can do is to constantly compare yourself with others...no matter what it is we are comparing. Someone you envy who has it all together might be hiding something terrible, or dead tomorrow, or really miserable. It does nothing positive to compare ourselves anyway. Be the best you in your everyday and be aware of your moments not as melting away in an hourglass, but as a gift to be enjoyed. No one owns a past or future...there are people who have everything materialistically one day and nothing the next, a bunch of "friends" that disappear when the good times do, and life is so much more then money, degrees, and jobs. Sit down with a counselor or someone else objective and listen to their advice on getting some clear goals met in steps. You are probably feeling overwhelmed by so many choices before you...wow. You don't have to know what you want to do for the rest of your life...that will change and evolve as you do. Remember that it is about the journey of your existence...you are becoming more of yourself as you develop and experience life. Take a vacation if you need to and relax and let the mystery of your own soul float to the surface. We don't chase down dreams, we create them as we go. Don't worry that you don't have the whole thing planned out...it would ruin the fun. Leave room in your life and soul for the unplanned and unexpected...those are usually the best anyway.

I agree with Mangy Momma...you and your son deserve a safe environment at all times. Depression can come and go...you need to get some help, support, counseling and security. Try relatives, friends' parents...they may have resources or know of something I am not thinking of..a school counselor or teacher, social services, community services..look in the phone book yellow pages, and don't forget your local places of worship-churches are often very willing to help a young parent in need with many things. Bless you and your son always.

It does not matter about the friend...whatever! This is about you going for what you want and having the confidence you need to approach anyone. Pretend you are not ga-ga over him for a second and remember he is just a stinky gross guy...like all the stinky gross guys out there...a human being, right? Staring from afar is only cute and mysterious for so long...you need to start talking to him directly. What is wrong with a quick, "Hi there, nice game. Liked your moves." Start with what you two have in common! Then build up and ask other stuff from there...like is there life outside of B-ball? What other interests does he have? Tell him about your interests, too. Find something else in common or try something new together...suggest he give you a lesson in B-ball and you can help him with english...or whatever. Get your game face on, and go for it.

I can't tell you how many times this happens...opportunities don't go on forever, though. Later years often reveal multiple chances were lost forever, because we did not risk rejection. It happens to nearly everyone...crushes you don't do anything about and ones you don't even know of! Later, you discover that more people than you realized were very interested and you were all just too shy or did not take a chance for whatever reason. Whether this guy or the next, take a chance. Cross the room, the hall, whatever and say hello, smile, look right into his eyes, compliment him on something...a job well done, his originality, whatever. Guys like compliments as much as we do. Give him a little reassurance that you are approachable and won't be rejected by him. Then, let him make his move and be ready.

Great advice already, so I will just add that he may want space...or not. Ask him. Ask him if he needs to spend some time alone, with other guy friends, his family whatever...and let him deal with his feelings. Also, it sounds like you are already being very supportive and caring...he is lucky to have you.

Talk about a bitter answer below me...and incorrect as well. Higher IQ does not determine or predict social disorder and it certainly does not make it normal or healthy in any case. You have most likely grown up in a very cold or angry home in which you were not allowed or encouraged to have a range of normal emotions or express yourself. This does not mean you will be this way forever. In order not to feel pain, you have turned off your inner self...the flip side is that you cannot experience the joys in life. All emotion is connected and you need to become willing to work on vulnerability and get counseling. You do have all the potential for a normal life and to experience it in full color...high definition if you will...3-d, whatever. Keep learning, growing and opening up in small steps. You are never stuck. Keep in touch and talk to your school counselor for more guidance.

The short answer: No.
The long answer: Nooo!
The porn answer: Yes, oh baby everything and anything must turn on women no matter how morbid, unnatural or disgusting, as long as it makes the industry a profit.
The politically correct answer: Everyone can and should decide for themselves what they like.
Take your pick, but know that the vagina was made for sex, and the clitoris was made for orgasm. The anal cavity was made to excrete poop! Sexy, eh? Anal sex should only be attempted with condom on and lots of lube, as tearing in this area is common and anal sex is much more risky when it comes to the transferring of sexual diseases.

You already have all the answers...even the ones you don't want to hear. Admitting that your'e both codependent is accurate and I am pleased that you are at least clearly mature enough to realize this at your young age. Also, you know that without sex, there would be no romantic relationship and you would both move on permanently. Did you cheat to get back at him when he cheated? If you told him about your cheating he would most likely break up with you, right? Guys like to carry a double-standard when it comes to faithfulness, so don't try to save your relationship by unburdening your soul. It sounds like you are beginning to sense the need for more and better things out of a boyfriend, a relationship...heck, even from yourself and that is great. You can only control yourself and that takes constant work, but will not be a waste of time...which is what hoping someone else will change turns out to be most of the time. Put all your positive energy into your own growth and set some goals. It is easy to become lost in your identity when you are a part of a couple...even a healthy couple. So, if you are going to have sex with him or anyone else, be safe, demand condom wearing to protect your body and future everytime, and do it on your own terms. You have a right to be safe and happy.

Good advice already given, so I will just add this. Your breath and teeth should be extra fresh, so yeah, go so far as to do a bathroom trip after a dinner date and bring floss, mints, spray, whatever...just no gum! Keep you eyes closed once you have gone in for the goods, and start slow and simple. P.S. The guy does not always have to make the first move.

You are putting way more upon his little shoulders than is healthy. He cannot become your security blanket. Where is your dad? I sense you have strong feelings of abandonment that need to be addressed immediately before your whole life is wasted in pursuit of men to fulfill your emptiness. You have no confidence and security when you are alone and that is putting you in great jeopardy. The tears are real, but a manipulation to get what you desperately need...and they will eventually drive him away. You are in a lot of pain and need to get some real support right away from a caring counselor. Please talk to a trusted adult about your feelings. You need to gain some real security and heal some past wounds so that you can be a person who can stand alone and who is ready to be in a healthy relationship where both people are contributing equally.

Dreams are very clear when we are not.
1. You ask someone else to be daring first in the dream...your confidence may be based upon seeking and gaining her approval either for the threesome, or in general, because you admire her.
2. Your experience while gratifying still is lacking something...you replay it like a movie and your peers/friends approve and praise you. You actually profess to the audience that you admire people who can dive right into something completely naked or vulnerable.
3. This dream is obviously about your desire to shed your inhibitions, your admiration of this girl, whom you hope will take the lead and finally your need for peer approval once you have risked being vulnerable. Clearly you are playing out emotionally how you hope a threesome will feel.

4. Reality Check. Dreams are pretty much under our control and in real life people are not. Examine your desires as well as your deeper needs and fears. Proceed with caution, because while fantasy is great, acting out in reality is different...not necessarily bad, but usually not what your expectations predicted. While I believe your dream is a metaphor for your desires, including sex fantasy; it is not entirely about the act of sex. Sex itself can be a metaphor for power and possession...we seek to become one with another soul whom we admire and gain something of that magic for ourselves in the chemistry of intimacy...which ironically is more often achieved in non-sexual relationships.

5. Keep listening to your dreams, your heart, your mind.

I agree about seeking medical attention for symptoms that do not go away. Depending upon where you are located, programs to help with or pay for medical costs vary greatly. Call your local social services, look in the yellow pages, or even ask friends about any options and programs they know of. Word of mouth can really get results...we don't realize what the people we see all the time might know that can benefit us until we risk asking them. I send a prayer of healing and blessings for you in 2008.

We all have a right to our feelings, no matter what. It sounds like you are trying to be rational as well as think about how your feelings affect those around you. I do not think you are being selfish in your request, but as you know, there is no controlling others behavior or desires. It is embarrassing for you in front of family to have a husband who is high on pot. However, you can only be responsible for your own habits. There are many ways to react or respond to things we don't like or agree with. If what you have been doing does not work, try something else...not to change him, but to change how you interact and are affected by the situation. You are not a victim, and can decide to be pro-active in taking charge of your self and what you do with your self in situations that are uncomfortable. You are not responsible for him or his actions...continue to treat him like a child and he will continue sneaking around like one. It is a sad thing to be hooked on drugs...it robs you of a lot of life. We all feel pain and need relief from stress, but as the great Pearl Jam band wrote, "Escape is never the safest path." You may be most upset because your husband is on a different path than you are...and choosing drugs over your feelings...typical addict behavior. As an enabler you have made it easy for him, even joining him from time to time...no judgement, but those are just the facts. You may find the enlightenment you need by looking into N.A. for yourself. Right now, you need to be making healthy choices for yourself and loving yourself...keep me updated.

There is nothing wrong with masterbation and at your age it is normal to be consumed with it. However, while orgasm gives a temporary euphoric experience and relieves pent up tensions of all sorts, it is not the answer to everything. Getting sex at your age is not something that is crucial to your sexual development or your future sexual prowess. Don't feel pressured by talk you hear, which is mostly stories and exaggerations and downright lies. You will learn to have more control over your mind and body as you mature, and seek stimulation and love through non-sexual avenues as well. All normal humans have sexual tension and sometimes this leads to sexual activity and release, but sometimes this energy can be put to other uses. Try getting daily exercise and physically defining yourself in other ways. Develop some new habits that do not include constantly feeding feelings of arousal...while sex is great, there is more to life inbetween orgasms. You will not be able to ignore your needs, but they will not control you if you begin to realize and care for your other human needs.

Great advice previously given, so I will only add this. Coming out to reveal any private fact about oneself publicly should be done when one is secure in the truth of that fact enough to stand alone, ready to face any criticism with a mature frame of mind and intelligently, and finally you need to remember that human beings are constantly becoming who they are. We are not born who we are exactly...we are born with potentials and choices and limitations and we develop beyond definitions or even expectations when determined enough to defy. Being bisexual is for some a permanent thing and for others an experiment in their sexual development...whatever You decide it is, don't let anyone else define it for You. The consequences of keeping your identity to yourself may be wise in certain company, but detrimental to yourself should you fear coming out ever to anyone. This is about you being authentic, which is difficult and scary for most people to be themselves. Your inner confidence will make all the difference.

Let's pray this is not your child...she is a manipulative woman and will use this child to try to control whomever she can. This is beyond the normal who is right or wrong and at this point, the only thing to do is be peaceful with her for the sake that she may be carrying your child. On the other hand...IF we were to give the situation and her the benefit of our big doubt, then we could venture to hope that even though Lynn is emotionally needy and manipulative, she may have some really good characteristics and could dramatically improve given love and care...preferrably therapy. Find out if the kid is yours, and try to not upset her..this goes for any pregnant person. As far as you being with Lynn in the future...it is very unlikely that either of you are entirely whole and healthy...not that anyone is, but when you cannot sustain a good relationship with someone over such a short time as a year or two...it does not look good. Two halves never ever make a whole when we are talking about people. Both of you need to stop using each other to fulfill what you cannot give yourselves first. If you can get into therapy do it for yourself...not to save this relationship, but to save yourself from repeating mistakes in any relationship henceforth. Get back to me as you progress and the situation changes.

"Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person they are almost indistinguishable. To say something you value deeply to another and to have him or her value it equally by listening to it carefully and apppreciatively is the most universal way of exchanging social interest or demonstrating affection." David Augsburger, CARING ENOUGH TO HEAR AND BE HEARD.


All sincere persons will be given thoughtful examination and reply. Please be specific about your situation as it applies to your question, the applicable information and facts necessary for me to properly assess your situation and give you the benefit of my knowledge and experience, which includes: experience/education with mentoring, relationship study, self help, spirituality, poetry, literature, philosophy, psychology, color theory, teaching, parenting, and debate that will be used to your advantage. I am concerned with offering an objective and realistic perspective more than ratings, because this will help YOU. Artificial sweetness is found in diet soda, not in my advice. If you feel that I did not understand your question or need more specifics to help, please let me know, but while all truth is subjective, questioners should be mature enough to hear answers not necessarily agreed with. If you are only looking for someone to tell you just what you want to hear, then you may not be ready for my advice. I believe in personal responsibility, self and other awareness and your power and ability to recreate and redirect your own life. All our misery and joy begins and ends within ourselves, but our willingness to be open can bring the positive or negative energy we seek. If you or someone you know is open to positive help, the resources and caring individuals needed are available now.

http://www.coolnurse.com/

http://www.4woman.gov/violence/

http://www.childhelpusa.org/about/programs-and-services/childhelp-national-child-abuse-hotline-1-800-4-a-child

drug/alcohol abuse help go here: http://www.4drugabuse.com/addiction-treatment.html

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/1800-273-TALK(8255)
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is a 24-hour, toll-free suicide prevention service available to anyone in suicidal crisis. If you need help, please dial 1-800-273-TALK (8255). You will be routed to the closest possible crisis center in your area. With over 120 crisis centers across the country, our mission is to provide immediate assistance to anyone seeking mental health services. Call for yourself, or someone you care about. Your call is free and confidential. -----------------------------------

http://www.kidscrisis.com/

http://www.teenadviceonline.org/gethelp/numbers.html

You can call the National Sexual Assault Hotline, operated by RAINN, 24 hours a day, free & confidential. 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)

For info. on birth control etc.
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/

The Girls and Boys Town National Hotline is the only hotline that children and parents can call with any problem at any time:
Open 24-hours a day, every day at 1-800-448-3000

Spanish-speaking counselors available; translation services for 100+ languages

TTY line available for the hearing-impaired at 1-800-448-1833

Counselors can help find services and agencies in the callers' local community

Help at the End of the Line
Callers talk to highly-trained, professional counselors who listen and give "right now" answers. They're sympathetic people who have expertise dealing with these and other problems:

depression

suicide

running away

parenting problems

relationship concerns

physical, sexual, and emotional abuse

chemical dependency

mental health

anger

aggressive behavior

Toll Free
Operated by Father Flanagan's Boys' Home, hotline services are free of charge to every parent and child in all 50 states, the District of Columbia, U.S. territories, and Canada.

Toll-Free: 1-800-448-3000

http://www.sex-ed101.org/links.html

http://www.anorexicweb.com/anorexicweb.html

Report Child Abuse
Childhelp USA National Child Abuse Hotline
1-800-4-A-CHILD TDD: 1-800-2-A-CHILD



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All our motivations stem from two: Love or Fear. When in turmoil or indecision, ask yourself from which of these you are acting. If you want an honest response outside of yourself, you need to first be honest within yourself. Bless you on your journey!

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