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humorist-workshop
Feeling like a failure
I feel like a total failure. Although I have a lot to be proud of, there is so much that I have yet to do...
I'm 23 and feel like most other people my age are at least doing something with their lives, whether it's going to grad school, starting a job, etc. I don't expect to have "made it" by now (whatever it means) career-wise or anything, but I seriously did not think that I would be where I am today.
To be clear, I already graduated college, thinking that I'd go into grad school or something... the whole process seems to be in the air, I don't have a steady job (aside from helping at my mom's office once in a while), I wake up and go to the library occasionally, only to come back with a head full of doubts.
I understand that I am still young, but seriously, I am doing pretty much nothing with my life and I feel like complete crap at the moment. I guess in a way I already know what to do, but it doesn't make the situation any easier. I still feel like a low life failure. I don't know...any words of advice are appreciated.
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It is understandable to feel stressed, doubtful, and uncertain about the future. The most unhealthy thing we can do is to constantly compare yourself with others...no matter what it is we are comparing. Someone you envy who has it all together might be hiding something terrible, or dead tomorrow, or really miserable. It does nothing positive to compare ourselves anyway. Be the best you in your everyday and be aware of your moments not as melting away in an hourglass, but as a gift to be enjoyed. No one owns a past or future...there are people who have everything materialistically one day and nothing the next, a bunch of "friends" that disappear when the good times do, and life is so much more then money, degrees, and jobs. Sit down with a counselor or someone else objective and listen to their advice on getting some clear goals met in steps. You are probably feeling overwhelmed by so many choices before you...wow. You don't have to know what you want to do for the rest of your life...that will change and evolve as you do. Remember that it is about the journey of your existence...you are becoming more of yourself as you develop and experience life. Take a vacation if you need to and relax and let the mystery of your own soul float to the surface. We don't chase down dreams, we create them as we go. Don't worry that you don't have the whole thing planned out...it would ruin the fun. Leave room in your life and soul for the unplanned and unexpected...those are usually the best anyway.
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Oi.
Being 23 I'll go ahead and give this one a shot.
My first impulse is to say "suck it up". I'll get to actual life advice in a minute. Before that, I'll address the feelings of failure.
Whining isnt going to help. Sitting here on advicenators asking for direction isnt going to help. Nothing any of us can offer can make you feel like less of a failure. Only you can look in the mirror and say "I dont want to mope around and act like my life is fucked up" and pick yourself up and stop complaining.
Now, to the life advice. It sounds like you live with your parents. Change that. At 23 and a college grad you can get a job and support yourself. Find something. Anything. Get your own apartment. Get your own phone.
If you dont like the taste of that, then get a job, stay at home, and open a savings account into which you can pour 3/4 of every check to save for the future. As a college grad you shouldnt have to settle for less than 10-15 an hour worst case, and with no bills you can pack away a grand a month or more in savings.
While you do one of the above things, think about the rest. Pick a direction you want to go, and go there. And that direction should not be "grad school" unless grad school is pursuing a particular aim.
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You sort of sound like my sister who is about your age. R-E-L-A-X. The people who I know are in their early twenties and "doing something with their lives" don't have it all. They have their parents pay for their Manhatten apartments. You're not a failure, you just haven't found your opening yet and that's okay. Take a breather, you have a long life ahead of you. There's still time to figure this stuff out. A good portion of people have had to do jobs like working at restaurant and that stuff. Orlando Bloom use to work...oh I forget what but I think it was picking up stuff off the ground at some club. However, my point is you can go anywhere your heart leads you. Just trust that you're gonna end up somewhere and there's no timer on how you get there.
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