|
Marijuana Dispute
OK - Here I go... My husband and I smoke marijuana. This is something we do casually and though it is illegal, I do not find that it should be. In the past I have requested that my husband not be "high" in front of my family members. Though I have been forthright with them about us smoking "weed" once in awhile, out of respect I choose not to be “high” in front of them and request my husband to do the same. This has been an ongoing argument for us because he feels that when he is high no one can tell and that it is stupid that I ask him not to smoke around my family and that it is just me being controlling. Approximately 3 days before New Years my husband stated in a car ride, with me along with my best friend that he was going to go buy a small bag of marijuana. I then stated "Why bother, my brother was arriving the next day and there would be no time to smoke because there was to be no smoking around him and he would be with us most of the time." My husband did not buy the weed. On Dec. 31 my best friend, husband, brother and his fiancé attended a party at the Drake hotel in Chicago. About 30 minutes prior to midnight on New Years my best friend and my husband went up to our hotel room because she had to use the restroom. I stayed with my brother and his fiancé. Unbenounced to me during this time they met someone and purchased weed from them and smoked some in our room before going back downstairs. They made it back about 10 minutes before midnight meeting up with myself/my brother/his fiancé and were “high”. I admit that at the time I was not 100% positive they were stoned but I did notice Tom was acting different but figured we were drinking no big deal. I'm very upset because I feel that he betrayed my trust when I asked him not to be high in front of my family. My friend also knows how I feel about the subject and seemed to no care (she was in the car). She also felt, along with him that I was over reacting… I must admit, that rest of the night I was upset and could not shake it – thus, ruining any sort of reconciliation with my husband and myself, at least for that night. I got in a huge fight with him being that he is my husband and he said that I was being controlling and that it wasn't that big of deal especially if I didn’t notice he was stoned. He was also like - It was New Years and besides, my brother never knew he was "high" and my friend even sided with him that I was over reacting. He also said I should feel good because at least he told me the truth. I really hope that someone can tell me if I'm over reacting. I hate starting the New Year feeling like my husband and best friend bonded at my expense. The entire time she was here they both were complaining to me about their dislikes of the other, and then after this bathroom trip - both were happier with each other and stated they finally bonded. Considering how much they irritate the other, I was happy about that one thing… I guess I just feel betrayed because of the fact that I made it sooo clear about how I feel about people being stoned around my family and it didn't seem to matter to either of them. I’m more mad at my husband because we have had this conversation at least 5 times, but my friend I feel should have known better. Please give it to me straight... Am I just being controlling, hyper sensitive, over reacting??????? Or do I have a right to be upset? If I do how upset?? I’m so confused because both of them had me convinced the next day that I blew things WAY out of proportion… In a way I hope I’m over reacting because it sucks to be mad at people. Thanks…
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
We all have a right to our feelings, no matter what. It sounds like you are trying to be rational as well as think about how your feelings affect those around you. I do not think you are being selfish in your request, but as you know, there is no controlling others behavior or desires. It is embarrassing for you in front of family to have a husband who is high on pot. However, you can only be responsible for your own habits. There are many ways to react or respond to things we don't like or agree with. If what you have been doing does not work, try something else...not to change him, but to change how you interact and are affected by the situation. You are not a victim, and can decide to be pro-active in taking charge of your self and what you do with your self in situations that are uncomfortable. You are not responsible for him or his actions...continue to treat him like a child and he will continue sneaking around like one. It is a sad thing to be hooked on drugs...it robs you of a lot of life. We all feel pain and need relief from stress, but as the great Pearl Jam band wrote, "Escape is never the safest path." You may be most upset because your husband is on a different path than you are...and choosing drugs over your feelings...typical addict behavior. As an enabler you have made it easy for him, even joining him from time to time...no judgement, but those are just the facts. You may find the enlightenment you need by looking into N.A. for yourself. Right now, you need to be making healthy choices for yourself and loving yourself...keep me updated.
]
More Questions: |