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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

advice

So im so nervous to have sex because of my insecurities. What should i do?

As already shared, depending on the age, you may not be ready yet. Sex should be an outpouring of the love you have for someone. When young, the hormones raging make us feel like we have to have sex with someone. You don't. Try masturbating if you are young or not ready to give yourself to someone. Just because a person looks sexually attractive to you does not mean it is going to be a good experience. I was once at a discussion where every adult in the circle told of their first time having sex, maybe with the exception of one person being in love with the person they first had sex with, all were not in love, and they ALL said it was not a good experience at all, certainly not memorable except for how bad it went. A person had to be ready whether they are 18 28, 38 or whatever.
We can't really try to help til you give details on what the insecurites are. This site is anonymous, and we won't know who you are. We don't need details to get a kick out of it and make fun of you. If you would put your age, sex and if the insecurities are due to past experiences, trauma, disabilities, or just your thoughts and feelings, only then can we attempt to steer you toward possible answers Right now, what you should do as you asked, is write again with a detailed explanation, even if you hate to type.

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My question is because of my situation I want to know if there are people out there who will help others to start over and first listen to exactly what the problem was how it was resolved and what the outcome is been and how much it's destroyed my life and I want to know if there's organizations or people out there that are willing to help out an individual who is able to be helped and get on their feet to once again regain their life. I am not looking for Access welfare or I'm not looking for clinics like cope and mental health places I'm perfectly sane and understand exactly what my thoughts are in exactly where I'm at in life but it's so overwhelming that I need someone or would like someone who's able to help a person get on their feet through guidance and direction and positive support because I have none and I I'm a person who is worth and is able to be lifted up off their feet I just don't know who to ask I don't know where to go and I'm searching for help

Fist off, you are not specific enough with a list of issues so that anyone here can give advice.

The only thing I can think of is that you might be looking for person where the title is Life Coach. A life coach is a person who counsels and encourages clients on matters having to do with careers or personal challenges. They do this for a living generally or on the side and of course that means you pay them for their time. Usually there is some kind of certification such a person needs to go through.
If you want to provide the details here, you must understand that advicenators does not have licensed professionals answering. Also we do not get paid to do this, we volunteer our time. And also, you may get anything from responses that do not apply at all to you, someone misinterpreted and the answer now doesn't apply, to someone a little bit helpful to others who've gone through the same and can share what worked for them, and its going to be no different than going to a parent, a friend for advice but being able to remain anonymous so its not as stressful on you. If you want to give this site a try, the advice is free. If you go for a life coach, you will have to pay for the advice. But with a life coach, they can get to know you and meet with you several times and help you step by step along the way.

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Hello, Dragonflymagic. I just wanted to thank you for your advice to my question. I'd like to add an extra few pieces of information. In school, I'm seen as one of the "weird kids", plus I am quite introverted and antisocial, so I don't think she returns my feelings if I'm being completely honest. I've had quite a few crushes on people before but this is the only one that keeps coming and going.
Her friends don't like me though, and I feel like if I do end up asking her out, it could damage their friendships.
What should I do to get rid of my reputation as "the weird kid"?

Haha, I can relate, I was the odd, weird kid too. Basically, anything a person doesn't know well or understand,or is a bit different from the norm, they can tend to feel uncomfortable around and will avoid because they don't know how to respond. Take seeing a person in a wheelchair approaching a door that is not automatic. YOu could just open it and they might be thankful or they might resent it and snap that they can do it themselves. I've seen both. So most people would hang back and say or do nothing because they just don't know what to think or do.

All teens are quite self conscious, and low self confidence, but its just that a good many are great at hiding it and somehow come across as being extroverted, and social. I was like you until the time I graduately H.S. where I followed some simple exercises that helped cure me of having extreme social anxiety.
I was shocked at my 40th H.S. reunion this summer to find that I was now more outgoing than 90% of the people there. I saw so many standing around talking to only one person and not going around to talk to everyone. Other than maybe two girls who were naturally always outgoing in school and still were, I was the one going up to people and starting convos. I even had a couple people apologize for never reaching out to me to offer friendship. One confessed she had also been in my shoes, social anxiety.
It is okay to be a more private quiet person and that can be a personallity type. But if it is more fear related, fearful of talking to others and starting conversations and making new friends, then it could be social anxiety. NOw that I no longer suffer that, I can tell you if I come across an adult like that, like when I tried internet dating and met each contact within a week or two, one was so quiet and wouldn't talk that I had to carry the conversation and I never called him back. I can see now how being so closed off to people makes one seem boring and not worth the effort so kids will ignore you or tease you. I got both. I did have a small circle of friends who did not mind me being quiet.
When we are still in school we may having fast maturing bodies but in truth the pre frontal cortex of our brain responsible for good decision making, and for tolerance and acceptance of others, is very slow to mature and is still growing until we reach our mid twenties although there are others for whom it takes a bit longer. Therefore many young people will make mistakes in how they treat others. Adults have more maturity and won't giggle or point fingers and whisper nasty things about a person they see who may be mentally disabled or physically. It comes with the age group. There are some things you are not going to be able to get from the people who are going to take until closer to 30 to finally grow up mentally. But a good majority of people who avoid you now can be taught to change their opinion of you, although it takes some work on your part.

It won't be instant, but if you are truly ready to work on being able to reach out to others, not all will reject you, as I explained of my classmates, many were just as introverted or unsure of themselves as I was, only they were better at hiding it. So I will now post the list of what I followed, psychologist proven to work and it worked for me too. You work through it on your own pace moving to the next level when ready but working on it every day. Here it is:

None of this involves using people you already know because you already have some comfort level there For this exercise, you will have to drop the teaching, “Never talk to strangers”. Just use common sense and talk to people in public places where other people are around and don't go off alone with anyone. So here's your lesson.

1. Smile at strangers every day as you come across them. When you are comfortable with this, move on to step 2
2. Smile and add saying hello to people you don't know. This is already harder because your mind will be going, "They're gonna think I'm nuts cus I am saying hi and they dont even know me." When you can do this without feeling awkward or shy, move to step 3
3. Smile and say hi to and then pay a compliment to another person you don't know. It could be telling the grocery clerk you love her necklace. Keep paying compliments to people until you can do so without being fearful of their reaction or simply the act of doing it.
4. Smile, say Hi, and start a conversation with a stranger. Here's an example. When I'd be at a clothing rack and another woman was there...no matter her age, I would make a comment to her about the clothing. I'd pull something off the rack and ask what she thinks of it for me.
Keep trying statements with a question to get responses from a person. If they don't open up and start responding and sharing some of their story or thoughts then they are part of the 10 % of people who are hermit like and don't like being around people or talking to them. I took a class that taught about personality types and discovered that 90% of people are very friendly but will not start conversation first. If you can learn to start conversation first, in every situation, you will find that the majority of people respond in a very friendly and supportive way. They won't find the fact that you start talking too weird. Once they figure you're a naturally friendly person you will see them willingly respond back and share bits and pieces of information and such.
I was trying to pick ripe but not over ripe melon one time when an older woman was tapping and listening to the melons. I asked what she was doing and she explained that there is a certain sound it makes so I learned something. Later we bump into each other in another aisle, and I say, "Well Hello again!" Her response, "Hello again. Do you use coupons?" "Sometimes." "Do you buy this product," she shows me something in her cart, "Yes I do." "Well I happen to have a coupon for a great deal on it if you'd like," and without waiting for my response reaches into pocket and hands it to me. You'd be amazed at the conversation you could have with people and be able to share helpful info with them or vice versa. And sometimes in the conversing you may find people who you have some things in common with and you decide to keep in touch with and exchange cell numbers and /or get their name for facebook friending. Once you are comfortable with talking to one person, then its a small matter to talk to groups of people.
This should help you.

You might want to focus more on adults than fellow students at first because as you start greeting them or complimenting them, they may make a rude comment and take off or ignore you. Remember, you are just starting to try to change and they are more likely to respond in a negative way at first.
So compliment the cashier at a store, start up a chat with someone at a bus stop, ask someone for directions. Don't think a stranger or someone older than you will find it odd that you start speaking to them. 90% of people are actually very friendly but do not start conversations So if you learn how to do so, almost everyone will respond favorably. I used to greet all new neighbors in my neighborhood or apartment with cookies. Only once did a person not seem overly excited to meet a new neighbor and remained quiet and reserved and did not make overtures of friendship. It is rare to have someone snap at you. If they do, its not you, its them and they are just an unhappy miserable person who wants to continue to wallow in their unhappiness. You can't let the one out of a hundred who react that way to discourage you. It didn't take long for me, after a month or two, I was doing really well but I worked at it every day, even though I had to face my imagined fears in my head. Thats distorted thoughts and those are the only things that can hold you back. Good luck!

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Basically, at school this girl and I have stopped being friends and it has driven a wedge in between our friend group. The name I'm going to use for this girl is Barbara(I've never met one in my entire life) Our friends are corrupt. They will literally call me and complain or talk about the things they dislike about Barbara to me. I don't want to drive Barbara's friends away because Barbara was a best friend to me once and although she has said some very hurtful things, I wish nothing, but well on her. But the gag is after her friends talk about her to me, they hang out with her. I value my friends and I don't want to lose them. Along with a lot other stuff this is not good for my already terrible depression.

If I understand correctly, this is a friendship group where her friends are your friends and only you and Barbara are not on speaking terms.

First, no matter what B is imagining as the hurtful things you supposedly did to make her shut you out, pretty much most people don't hold a grudge for a lifetime and will come around again in their own good time after whatever perceived grievances are forgotten. I know from living it. Had a girlfriend stop talking to me when I was in school. After a month or two, she forgot what she was so upset about and picked up friendship where she left off, no apologies whatever. Had the same thing happen as an adult with my own mother who worked in the same company I did stop talking for close to a year because she was upset that I did not jump up and down as both my sisters did when she announced she was getting re-married. My Dad got upset when I asked him not to bring nail studded construction wood for my fireplace because our chimney expert said we'd had a chimney fire due to burning treated wood like that and it wasn't safe having that pile in the back yard where the kids played. I thanked him but told him why I could no longer accept it, was nice, not mad with him but he got upset and began to tell stories to anyone who would listen, making up things about me. So even my youngest sister joined him and stopped talking to me for a good many months. Not a single person ever apologized and I never brought up their cold shoulder act. The longer it goes or more time that passes, people begin to feel so awkward, knowing internally they were in the wrong and are too embarrassed to apologize let alone make the first move toward mending the relationship. It will have to be you. I don't know how long its been but let a couple weeks go by and then call or text her with something you want to share, not reciting what you have been doing, but pick something that perhaps she or you have an interest in, such as did you hear that such and such band are going to be in town in March and I've just got to go to it, Are you going to go too?

Now as for the mutual friends,apparently those people have no idea what friendship means. Talking behind someones back is not a quality of a friend but an enemy. So all I can figure is that we are talking about people who are very young, anywhere from middle school thru H.S. but there's also plenty of this in college age for those slow to mature. So its either all of them being immature or they are not really friends and thats why they find it so easy to say bad things behind someones back rather than defending them or asking them to stop. Since you seem to be the only mature person who really is a friend to Barbara, you may have to say something to everyone. It's not uncommon within associations, or groups to have a policy of certain topics being banned. I was part of a group of people where politics and religion were banned topics to avoid conflicts. So its reasonable enough to next time they talk negative about Barbara, that you point out to them that you don't mind them as friends but you do mind hearing negative things being said about Barbara. Let them know that you will remind them if they forget out of bad habit and start, but if they do not honor your request to stop talking negative, then remind them of the Bambi movie where Thumpers mom said, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." If they can't do that, you will stop associating with them, that means you stop hanging out with them and being friends.

One more thing to keep in mind, people who show their real self deep down inside, like this talking behind someones back, do not do this or any other really bad trait just once or twice. There is a whole lot more of it hidden deep at a persons core. A person can change but most people are afraid of change, even for the better. So it is more likely that these so called friends also talk bad about you and others in secret. You can bet on this. It is human nature, at least the bad side of human nature.

As for the depression, if you are not being seen by a Dr. or can't or won't, I'd like to talk to you about that. The majority of people with depression do not have clinical depression requiring Drs medical prescriptions. I am not a Dr. but I have depressed family member who needs meds and also others who've only had the temporary situational one that if nothing is done by the sufferer to stop it, it can go on long term. A daughter without clinical depression became depressed for months after a boyfriend dumped her. The Psychologist gave her a list of things she could do to get over it since it wasn't clinical depression and it worked. Until you give me some idea, I can't know exactly what to tell you there and what to do in what order. If you are the type who wants to avoid medication, you are welcome to try that same Dr. prescribed list I can share. It may help and it may not depending on what kind of depression you have. If not, then you will know you need to be on medication. SO if interested, write to me from my column and I will provide that list for situational depression.

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24/f

I have recently gone on a trip to Egypt and I was highly disappointed by what I have experienced. I have researched incidents that had happened to me to see if this was common, I have only found one blog that had stated the same thing with comments stating the same thing happened to other tourists/visitors.

Because of this, I have been inspired to create my own travel blog (to explain to readers what to REALLY expect, all pros & cons, not just pros). I have a history and reputation for being "brutally honest" with all things.

However, I was told starting a blog called "Brutally Honest" would probably scare away readers. I was hoping I could get some ideas here. Any ideas would help! Thank you!

You state travel blog and to mean that means any travel to more than one place. So if this is only about Egypt, then you might have Egypt in the title such as Red Flags for traveling in Egypt. Or if to several different countries or places, Red Flags for Travelers. The meaning of Red Flags is: a red flag is a warning of danger or a problem or potential dangers or problems.
If only about traveling outside the U.S. The title can still be Red Flags for travelers with a description of the blog below or in correct spot that says "honest advice about the potential dangers when traveling in Egypt or (traveling abroad) by a person who has been there. That way if a person is doing research ahead of time, they can find it by a search under traveling, or Egypt or red flags or potential problems or potential dangers. Make sure you put in as many search words that apply that will all bring up your site in a search.

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17/f
For 3 months now I keep getting messages from this random guy. Everytime I block him he starts on a new number. He knows my name and says he got my number off of Facebook and when I searched his name he didn't have Facebook. my friend messaged him and then he had a new name and wouldn't stop messaging her and phoning her so we phoned him off her number and when I accused him of lying he started swearing at me. He smsd me saying that he has an offer for me of money and I ignored him. A week or two ago he messaged me this long message about being friends with benefits and I ignored him. My friend messaged him asking if it's this one guy cause I had a name I thought it might be now he keeps messaging and phoning her. Her boyfriend messaged him telling him to leave us alone. What can I do about this? Can I go to the police? I think it might be my ex brother in law (sister's ex husband) who molested me from 2010-2013 and he would've done stuff like this. I don't wanna tell my mom until I know who it is. How do I figure out who it is?

Don't feel guilty, in short there are many scammers out there from other countries trying to start a LDR with an American female in hopes that if she falls for him, she'll send him money or the scams asking you to accept money from them, or lonely men who won't use a dating site but expect to do the same with facebook and those who will start several different fake profiles so if I don't accept one, they'll send another in a few days hoping that i will respond if I like the photo. Its always one photo or two and no others and usually a very new account. Don't accept any of these. If you have an occasional problem with some guy, you can report it to facebook.
But you did say he did not have a facebook account when you checked. I had that happen a couple times. They somehow wrote a message to me even if not a friend, the same way you can write a message to someone if you want to add them as a fb game playing friend and you let them know which game the friend request is for. they are not yet FB friends but can contact me. I think you can change settings so that people who are not already a FB friend can not see your profile details or be able to send you contact mail. But I havent had the issue in some time so I haven't looked.

Since the guy is persistant and it also sounds like he is scamming and also the content of his contant is very offensive stuff, he is in the wrong and the police should know. It is their job to find him. The police have the most up to date technology to deal with finding someone like this even without a name or profile. Everytime someone uses their computer, the info is available for advertisers and those bad guys who know how to look for the address of your computer. I don't understand all that and how it works hon, but the technology that a bad guy is using to keep pestering you on the computer can be turned on him and the same used to catch him, who ever he is.
So, no, i can't tell you how to know who it is, thats for the police to figure out. So let the parents know. You are still a minor and they are responsible for your safety. If they don't know abaout the molesting, you need to let them know that too because if it isn't him it could be a friend he told about you and they think you're easy prey if he got away with it or it couldn't be proved. Do not erase any inbox FB messages or friendship requests. Do not say no. Just don't accept and let it sit there. Let the police look at any and all requests that you looked for a fb page and found non or found it to be a brand new account and let them handle it. The fact you were molested in the past, i think they will take this seriously and get right on it. Sorry this is happening dear. But you have to be extra careful and not click to accept even a female name you don't know. YOu need to look at their account and see if it looks suspicious or if it doesn't exist. Most do exist and are new or have conflicting photos of whose account it is or only one photo and no history. Those should be deleted automatically. However in your case, don't delete any until the police can see it on your computer or cell phone on your Facebook account.

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Now, there's this girl I've had a crush on for the past year and a half or so , and we're kind of casual friends but I was planning on asking her out. However, today, I did something that I think completely ruined my chances. I farted, in class. This may not sound like a major issue, however my farts are known for having a very strong odor. I tried my best holding it in, but it was a very big fart coming, and it just came out without me even attempting for it to come out. Nearly the entire class were all holding their noses, including my crush. To make matters worse, she even questioned me about it, whereas no-one else did (Well, this other guy did, but he's always complaining about things in general, and he hates me so I ignored him) Anyway, she said something along the lines of "Out of all the places to fart, why would you do it in class?" I was honestly too embarrassed to think of how to answer that question. Not embarrassed about the fart, but about the way everyone reacted to it. Now, this girl seems to be able to tolerate me most of the time, however when I fart, she seems to absolutely despise me. Most of the time, she's really nice as well, other than the occasional occurrences when I fart. What I wanted to say was "People can fart anywhere they want, it's a natural bodily function" but I thought that would sound rather rude and condescending plus I was still a little too embarrassed to speak, and this unfortunately led to me ignoring her, which was unintentional. I now fear that this "incident", if you wish to refer to it as such, may make her think I'm a rude person, when I am not. I may come across as a little bit harsh sometimes, but I'm never purposely rude, I just give my honest opinion. Now I shouldn't really be making this question seem like she's done everything wrong, considering it's not just her with a negative opinion of my farts. Heck, she didn't even have the worst reaction to it, but it's the fact that she questioned me about it that annoys me. Normally, if an issue like this arises, I'd try and sort it out the next day, but I can't do that, because today was the last day before Christmas break. Despite this incident, I still have feelings for her (and have had feelings for her for nearly 2 years)
I want her to be aware of my feelings for her before the new year, however we only see each other at school, and due to this incident, I fear that even if I ask her out after the new year, the farts will remain an issue. What I'm wondering is, should I tell her about my feelings via social media? I think it will be easier to handle, especially if I get rejected, considering that I'm quite shy and introverted most of the time, and also my goal since the beginning of this year was to ask her out by the end of the year, however I fear she may be a little creeped out if I ask her over social media. How can I still reach my goal despite this farting incident?
Thanks for reading my question!

Since everyone knows you for having really stinky farts, lets address what is behind it first. I call tell you right now that depending on what I eat that is bad for my body type, I will have way stinkier farts than usual. Its not about farting but how bad it smells. Some have a sulfur smell and yeah its not pleasant but can be tolerated. Others can smell like the sewer, or like something dead or rotting and be so putrid you even gag at the smell of your own.

In Ayurvedic medicine which is one of the Eastern medicine beliefs, they break up people in 3 basic body types which you will need to know yours first before you can look up a list of diet for that body type. For example, I am a vata type. Certain things I am supposed to avoid, and if I don't, I get more gassy than usual or more stinky. One of those is chocolate and Since its the holiday season, I am partaking of more chocolate than usual so of course I am more stinky than usual. On worst case scenerio, before I began to avoid the things that could mess with my digestive system, I had the same problem many have, of explosive farts that can't be held back or explosive with small bits of diarrhea related only to what was eaten, not due to illness. There are diseases as well like Crohns and such than can develope if we don't eat a diet specific for our body type or perhaps also watching to eat less foods that are genetically modified or going for more that use organic ways to deal with pests. Its the pesticides that aren't talked about in media or by doctors but its worth checking to see if the amount of pesticides in your foods (worse in GMO foods than not) do affect you. Because if you stop for a while, and find your digestion better, then its best to stay away for good. Not everyone is affected so quickly or easily as others, and that is why it can't be said that it is bad for all people and why its still out there.

Heres a test:
https://www.theayurvedaexperience.com/dosha-quiz/

Once you know is it is Vata, Pitta or Kapha, do a search for example 'What should Kapha's eat" and "What foods should Kapha's avoid".

This should help with the farts. All people still need to naturally have the passing of gas but it should be less frequent, less explosive and less horribly rottenly smelly.

Okay, on to asking the girl out. I can understand being embarrassed, even though its a normal human function, its just when its so extreme that it becomes embarrassing. I would recommend you waiting until you see how your body responds to watching what you take in food wise for the next two weeks. I say two weeks because that is what it took for me to heal from explosive farts or frequent ones. If you eat something you know produces smellier farts, this is remedied in a few days timed by avoiding the food that your body reacts to this way. For example, If I eat chocolate during the day, then in bed at night, I will be farting and its really stinky. But if I don't eat chocolate the next day at all, then by the following night or next morning of the next day, the smell is already no longer a problem. I think you need to get this under control first so its easier to have some self confidence in this area before approaching her or any other girl to date in case theres no chemistry between you two.

Once under control, all you need to get past is self doubting, fear of rejection, fear of saying or doing something wrong. Because I remember being socially anxious in school, I only had a few select friends but too shy with others. Never dated in HS. But I overcame that without any medications and it was actually simple so if you suspect its more social anxiety and fear of all people, compared to just fear of approaching a girl, then its either how to deal with that anxiety or clues on what to say or do if you approach a girl and get tongue tied or feel you said something stupid or dumb. There are quick tricks that help you to get past that awkward moment immediately and I can share that as well.
So at this point, I'd need to know from you whether you want to hear about one or the other or if both apply to you. Write to me from my column.

Sorry but the timing can't be what you have imagined in your mind to have a girlfriend or even one date on Holiday break or before the new year.
If I had a magic wand to wave, it could be immediate but this is something that you are going to have to work on as you can see. I've been in your spot and understand it well and am sure i can help if you will apply yourself and follow directions.

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This is going to be a piggyback question off of one that I recently asked about my boyfriend. I don’t remember what I called it but it was about his mom losing her job, it’s kind of the relevant but when the people that answered that question before read this and say that they are having déjà vu, they kind of are.

So, one day I was spending the night at my boyfriends house. That morning after we woke up, he got a phone call which was a job offer that he really wanted. So after we talked a little and I congratulated him, he said he wanted to go to breakfast at his favorite place. So we went downstairs to leave and he walked into the living room and I heard him talking to his mom telling her that he got this job. When he came back out I asked him why his mom was home on a weekday and He said that she no longer worked where she worked, she did not like her boss, she was not happy with her vacation days, and after the amount of time that she spent there she did not get any raise at all, and she was not given the responsibilities that she previously was. So, I concluded that she quit. I had just gotten a new job after I had quit my previous job so I had told him that he knew what it was like when I was out of work, and I thought that was pretty bold of his mom to quit and he didn’t steer me away from that thought at all. I went home that night and saw that his mom had put on Facebook that she made a huge mistake and she made a mistake so large that her boss was not able to give her a second chance so she was fired. The next day when I brought up to my boyfriend that I saw that post, all he said was oh you saw it. I asked why he led me to believe that she quit when that wasn’t the case and he beat around the bush and then completely started talking about something else. Then last night, we had a pretty big blowout and it ended with hi The next day when I brought up to my boyfriend that I saw that post, all he said was oh you saw it. I asked why he led me to believe that she quit when that wasn’t the case and he beat around the bush and then completely started talking about something else. Then last night, we had a pretty big blowout and it Included him saying that his mom specifically told him not to tell me why she lost her job so he thought that the less he said was best. I told him more than a dozen times that I did not need to know what happened. If he just would have told me that she lost her job and he didn’t want to talk about it I would totally except that and move on. But him hiding it from me as a whole and him not trust included him saying that his mom specifically told him not to tell me why she lost her job so he thought that the less he said was best. I told him more than a dozen times that I did not need to know what happened. If he just would have told me that she lost her job and he didn’t want to talk about it I would totally except that and move on. But him hiding from me as A hole and being completely comfortable with his mom telling him to hide something from me makes me feel so uncomfortable being with him and also knowing that his mom is like that. He said that he didn’t think it was a big deal, it was a situation that didn’t involve me and therefore I don’t need to know about it. Again, I told him that I didn’t need to know it was the entire fact that he lied to me about the situation, that she was actually fired. And not really to mention that it kind of will fall back on me at some point because he and I were discussing moving out and she is a single mom and since she doesn’t have a job, she would need him to pay for a lot of things and he already said that he had started paying for these things so now I know that he and I moving out will he said that he didn’t think it was a big deal, it was a situation didn’t involve me and therefore I don’t need to know about it. Again, I told him that I didn’t need to know it was the entire fact that he lied to me about the situation, that she was actually fired. And not really to mention that it kind of will fall back on me at some point because he and I were discussing moving out and she is a single mom and since she doesn’t have a job, she would need him to pay for a lot of things and he already said that he had started paying for these things so now I know that he and I moving out will be be put on hold until she can find a job or maybe she’s just going to get so comfortable with him paying that she won’t think she needs a job. Anyway, I brought up to him again why neither of them wanted me to know what happened, is this actuation so bad that his mom thought that I would judge her Or look down on her and he said yes. So then I believe that makes it 10 times worse as well that when his mom said to not tell me because she does not want me to judge her, he did not stick up for me and tell her that I would never do that, he instead listen to her and chose to keep something from me. I even brought it up to my dad, who I really don’t talk too much about with my boy problems and he told me and I’ve heard him say this that if one of my mom’s siblings tries to talk to him about something and says don’t tell my mom, he will tell them well then don’t tell me because he does tell her everything. or look down on her and he said yes. So then I believe that makes it 10 times worse as well that when his mom said to not tell me because she does not want me to judge her, he did not stick up for me and tell her that I would never do that, he instead listen to her and chose to keep something from me. I even brought it up to my dad, who I really don’t talk too much about with my boy problems and he told me and I’ve heard him say this that if one of my mom’s siblings tries to talk to him about something and says don’t tell my mom, he will tell them well then don’t tell me because he does tell her everything. I know them being together for 30 years is a lot more than me and my boyfriend dating for 2 1/2 but can someone validate that I should be upset about this or tell me why I shouldn’t because when I had asked my brother about the situation, he told me that he didn’t think it was a big deal that he lied to help his mom. Thank you.

When you said "If he just would have told me that she lost her job and he didn’t want to talk about it I would totally except that and move on.

If that is true, then this is a wonderful opportunity for you, whether he does right or not, is to learn how to go through some of the learning stages of a relationship. He won't know what you do like or don't so train him, tell him the above. Unless you voice your likes and dislikes that affect you in the relationship and set any boundaries, he's not going to know.

When the original convo came up, you assumed what you wanted to but you never did ask, oh did she quit or was she fired? That though is putting a person on a spot. The polite way with good manners is to say first, If you don't mind answering,was she fired?" Then his proper response if told not to tell anyone is to say, that is something for her to answer so if you want to know, ask her. That takes him off the hook and puts it on Mom who made the request in the first place to be ashamed and want to keep it a secret and she can then either tell you the truth or cover it up.

You are too concerned about something that is inherent in many humans. You see it in celebrities or the very rich or may be very worried about 'image'. Their image is more important to them than the truth. If you like in the media's light, there will always be dirt they try to find on you or if nothing, make something up. Even if she is not rich, many poor people act the same way and feel mortified if someone heard the truth about something that isn't a horrible thing but they are taking it that way. You can't hold that against her. Thats who she is and people like that need to be loved despite that quirk.

So you think its a bad sign she doesn't trust you with her feelings to tell the truth. I think she probably won't tell anyone but family shes learned to trust or as few family or relations as possible.
Its obvious she trusts her son and for a good reason. There are different ways to looks at this. YOu've shared how you took it. Here's another choice of way to view it. If its about trust and only a family member, she may not have built that kind of trust in you yet. It takes time and lots of time spent with a person for them to develop trust. Instead of trusting words and promises, we build trust by seeing over time how consistantly a person reacts, handles things, how they follow through and if its the same as what they say they are, then you have trust. Also, if she only tends to trust family, she probably doesn't see you as family, you are not her daughter in law but her son's girlfriend so that may affect how she feels. Her son had proven himself trustworthy by not passing on the information on her as promised. I would think you would like to have that quality in a man, someone you can trust and it seems that is exactly what you are pissed about, seeing it from a different point of view that he didn't trust you. If my husband gets a call from a relative on his side and they share something they are not ready or too embarrassed for others to know, he will tell me that so and so shared some things on the call that they asked he not share when I ask how the call went. And that is the end of it. I don't ask. HOwever if lets say someone lost their job and he was told not to tell and I asked point blank if they lost their job, whether due to downsizing personnel or being fired, he will not lie to me because he and I are married and a team. As much as dating couples may feel this is a right in their relationship, if they haven't committed to being together with or without marriage certificate for life, then there's no way to know the future and that in a few months, ones bf. gf has moved on and if wanting to retaliate could share all sorts of secrets. Its a touchy situation that can go many ways. But I have been warned that a particular family member whom I already know is quite messed up in the head, so its no new news to me, he will say, I was told not to tell you but you did ask me and since it's her and you know all the issues she has, it's just more of the same. Someones the person in question has sent me ranting raving texts about him or to him about me or other relatives when the person lives out of state, has no internet and doesn't have any contact with us other than her calls or texts. Sometimes, even if not officially family by marriage, you will find in every family someone who is the odd person or black sheep of the family or the one with mental/emotional issues.

The only thing I can think of to support you is that if both of you decided you were going to share the expense of moving into a place together, then married or not, you are in the plans to be his room mate so Yes, it is your right to know about something that could change the plans for a while, or long term if as you suspect is possible, that she doesn't look for or find work. She needs to get unemployment going and be looking for work. He can set a reasonable amount of time for her to find work, even if below her skill level. One can't be too choosy when having no job, any income is better than none. What little she brings in, if not the same as before, shows she's making an effort and then whatever she can't cover, he can do so as her son. If she does nothing at all, he can't pay ALL her expenses and then cover his own, thats unrealistic. She needs to be contacting DSHS and getting on food stamps and her power company to see about smaller payments while she is unemployed. things like that. Just because your boyfriend messed up and didn't think you should have at least been told that your own apt would have to wait, that doesn't mean he is necessarily a bad person or doesn't trust you or doesn't care about you. All people when put on the spot and have to say something on the spur of the moment, we don't always come up with the best mannered way to handle things and often we panic thinking we have to give an immediate answer and we all say things that can be taken the wrong way or are not the kindest way to be treated, etc. Its a matter of knowing what issues are important to fight for and what things are too insignificant to matter and not focus on them.

If he really isn't in love with you and you are only a means to an end, just a social friend to date, some to warm his bed at night and a possible roommate to share expense in the future, then i can see why he would not think it significant to tell you the move out is delayed. And it would be because you are not as important to him as you think you are. If he is truly in love with you and you both make all decisions together that would affect each other, and he is sure he is going to marry you someday soon, then its another story, and you both need to be involved together in plans that affect both of you.

You may not think it applies, but the presense of love and how strong it is will determine whether you have a good match with him, one thats not the best but you can deal with it if it never gets better, or if its so low that its best you leave a guy. So i am putting in a simple test and by how you answer the questions about him and you, the scores at the end reveal whether he is someone good who loves you or not. SO here it is:

7 Questions to know if he really loves you


1. Does he say I love you. For some, it's a hard thing to say but they show it to you in other ways. When he says I love you, he is viewing that as a commitment to you. It is not a flippant phrase.
Saying I love you too early like during first couple dates is a warning about the guy. Its a very good chance he is needy and wanting a woman to be his mom. Other phrases from a guy count too, like you're awesome, I adore you. You're the woman I always dreamed of.
2. Does he make you a priority in his life? Guys have more than one priority...things very important to him but you should be one of top 3.
What he does for you or how he acts can't be faked easily because it's hard to lie with your body. Things he does without having to be asked, making dinner, picking up something for a collection you have, making time for you, even if it's a walk or a long phone chat. If the guy likes you, he'll make time for you at least a quarter of the time.
3 Does he tell friends about you and like to show you off? Have you been introduced to his family and friends? If he keeps you separate, he's hiding something or ashamed or fearful of something
4. Does he care about your pleasure during sex? Is he only into seeking his own pleasure or your's too. Does he open his eyes and want to have both your eyes connect while making love?
5. Does he respect and encourage you? Respect means, does he value your opinion, do you share decisions and treats you as a partner. Are you encouraged by him to have your own friends and hobbies outside the relationship and encourage you to seek your dreams and uphold you in that.
Jealousy is not love, it's control. It's okay to be protective, but jealousy shouldn't be what prompts the protectiveness
6. Do your friends and family like how he treats you? Others make a great gauge for judging a guys character.
7. Does he look at you with lust and passion in his eyes, with a hunger and thirst for you? Does he give you admiring looks, does he still want to sneak peeks down your shirt. What he sees is Very important since guys are visually stimulated. If he isn't looking anymore, he has lost his interest. All men because of this natural trait, will also view other women but do so discreetly, without being an ass about it. Don't expect a man to look at only you. If he doesn't look at other women at all, it may be a sign that he is gay. You do want a man who is visually stimulated by women.

How many points are true for you with your guy?
7 true He treats you as a Queen and he is an exceptional man
5-6 true He loves you. Just don't focus on what is lacking.
3-4 true He loves you enough to make the relationship work for him. If it's enough for you, then be content. If you feel like you're settling for less, let him go and look for something better.
1-2 true He's a douche-bag, a user or controller. Leave immediately.


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So there’s this person in my class long story short we had an exam coming up and she’s the only smart person I know in my class because my friends would come to me for help and I couldn’t go to them for help cause they don’t know anything. So I asked this girl she was nice in the beginning but then the day before the exam she was responding rudely saying “I’m not home, ask somebody else etc” so I told her “I did ask other people Andrea they don’t know anything” then I told her it’s okay I’ll figure it out myself (cause clearly she didn’t want to help) then she said okay remind me tomorrow about it and I’ll help you. The next day I didn’t even bother messaging her but when I got on to ask her when she was going to be at school, he profile pic was gone, her last seen on whatsapp was gone and my messages wouldn’t deliver. I asked my friend to check if her whatsapp looks like that to her too and she said yeah. But I don’t know if she’s blocked both me and my friend or she deleted it. Cause last time I messaged her for help all she did was leave it on read and came to school saying “sorry I didn’t feel like responding to anyone” or should I just ask her but I feel like I’d be annoying her?

There is no way I can tell you for sure if this was a coincidence or if she deleted her account or blocked you and someone else.

Hopefully I can help you by asking you to turn the tables of this situation, and put yourself in her place. This method of gaining answers often gives you a better perspective to whats going on with another person.

So I want you to use your imagination. Think of yourself as having always been the smartest person in your grade. Being the smartest person, how many people would be asking for your help? Always only one or two? 5 or 6? More? What would there be in it for you? How would you gain by giving of your own time to help any person who ever asked and never turn anyone down. And lastly, how often would you be asked for help by any people? Would only one person ask once a quarter, or once a semester? Thats not too tough, right? What if you were actually being asked to help with each new assignment the teacher gave out. And not just one but more people? I don't know about you but I never was the smartest in class yet I can imagine how I would feel.

I would feel like a glorified unpaid tutor for dozens of people. I would wonder if people really wanted to be my friend or only want me for the help I can give in school lessons. I would also probably feel a bit 'used by people'. I would feel like my own time, private time was being eaten away at by all the people I did decide to help. I can easily see myself just cutting off contact with others simply because i get burned out by always helping others out. So in answer to your question, I would feel like someone was annoying me if they persisted in asking for help when I decided i no longer wanted to. I might not have the guts to straight out say, sorry I no longer help others with homework.

So its very possible that she has been making excuses all along, hoping people would back off and stop asking for help. It is also very possible that whatever social media most of the help askers were on with her is the one she chose to close or block those who ask.
It is her life and her right to decide whether she helps or not.
If you think this is a bit too harsh, then think of a person whose profession is counselor or psychologist. And everyone they know or even strangers her friends know are told to contact her to ask for help. If she simply helped every person simply because they know each other or are friends and does so for free, she would not be earning a living. She has a gift for counseling but earns a living doing that. She has office hours and appointments and time would be a conflict also when she is with a paying client and friends are calling or showing up in person to ask 'just a quick question' which translates as, 'since its only a short bit of time, I shouldn't have to pay you for it.

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I've just been asked to be part of the bridal party for one of my best friends. While I feel so honoured by her request, I'm very hesitant as she has told me about her intention to ask someone else as well. This person and I do not get along.
This person used to be my friend and former roommate. Our friendship ended 6 months ago when she moved out. Having been friends for over a decade, we had moved in together despite the fact that I was warned by various other friends that it wasn't a good idea. From the day we moved in, the relationship started deteriorating and she started to behave quite badly.
Just a few examples of this included:
- Never washing her dishes or putting them away or putting the garbage out and becoming hostile when I asked her to do so.
- Getting extremely upset with me during the time that my grandfather was dying. I was very sad and withdrawn and she accused me of making her feel as though she had done something wrong.
- Being very angry at me when I told her I felt uncomfortable if she were to sublet her room for a month while she was travelling (I eventually convinced my sister to sublet from her).
- Starting a verbal fight with me and, when a friend came over later, throwing objects around the kitchen and slamming cupboards to the point that we needed to leave the apartment.
- Doing drugs in my room while I was away on vacation.
I'm not innocent in this situation. In a lot of these conflict situations, I would either leave or practice avoidance. However, when I did assert myself or try to communicate, she would become very loud and intimidating. I am usually the 'mother' in any given friend circle and, while she encouraged me to practice boundaries with other friends, she became angry when I wouldn't be flexible with her.
We had come to an understanding that she would move out and I gave her ample time to find a new apartment. After several months of her staying put, I gave her a firm date to leave.
I haven't spoke to her since and had no intention of doing so. I came to the realization that, while I had supported her through many different life situations (losing an immediate family member, a break up, a theft), she had never been there for me or tried to support me in times of need. In addition to this, I developed anxiety during our last few months of living together and I still experience panic when thinking about her.
While the bride was supportive of me during this time, she still remains friends with my previous roommate. We had decided that I shouldn't share my feelings about the previous roommate with her due to the fact that it was very uncomfortable to be stuck in the middle.
When I found out that my best friend was getting married, I was happy for her but felt guilty about the fact that my mind immediately went to the fact that I would have to see my previous roommate again.
To add to this, there has been a lot of heartbreak that occurred between my previous roommate and other mutual friends even prior to our co-habitation. Due to this, the bride decided, out of her own volition to do two sets of events (i.e. bachelorette party, engagement party). This was an unfortunate set of affairs but seemed necessary given the circumstances. At the time, the bride did not want a wedding party.
The bride has now decided to ask her sister, another friend, myself, my previous roommate and my previous roommate's best friend. While I love my best friend and I want to be there for her on her big day, my throat closes when I think about interacting with my previous roommate. But what would be worse is if I bowed out of being in the bridal party and saw my previous roommate involved in my best friend's special day. I feel terrible but I've been fantasizing about skipping out on the entire day.
I haven't said anything about this to the bride and she wants to have a conversation. I don't want to hurt her or make this more difficult than it already is. What should I do?

This wedding is not about you or former roommate. It is the brides special day and she has decided she wants certain people to be in her wedding party.
It sounds like the bride is aware of this since she set up two separate events, one for each of you to attend. A wedding can not be two events. I believe she trusts that the two of you can both be there to support her without fighting or making a scene. If you do not wish to even speak to the other girl, then do the minimal of what looks friendly, acknowledge her if your eyes meet with a smile and a nod. Do not however do anything that would make you look like you're being mean or childish. If she does happen to say Hi, then say hi in return. You are not required to hang out next to her and act like close friendly pals, but I am sure the bride would want you to at least be civil, that's middle ground where you are not overly chummy and neither overly mean, ignoring or vindictive. If the ex roommate verbally assaults you, do not respond and rise to the bait and get into a verbal argument with her. Let the bride know ahead of time you will not fight with her but if for some reason the ex friend starts picking on you, you will come report it to her and since it's her wedding, you will expect her or her husband to go have a talk and ask her to behave or (and then they can give whatever consequence they deem appropriate). I have heard of weddings where plenty of people were like enemies and the couple marrying assigned someone to act as a club bouncer, to remove anyone from the facility if they become disruptive, mean, abusive toward anyone. I don't think it will come to this. Its more of an issue in your mind. But it wouldn't hurt to be on your best behavior, bite your tongue and only go to the bride if this women behaves badly.

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We both are 28 and only been dating for a few months but known each other for a year. It’s just that when he gave me a birthday card and Christmas card he put, “To my lovely and my name” and he puts, “ From, your boyfriend and his name” instead of writing simple. Now, writing to my and your boyfriend does these concept have a possessive meaning or trying to say,”you’re mine or something or I own you? Why would he say it like that instead of from and to and adding the name? He does love me like crazy. I also know he’s a possessive boy but in a good way. Thank you all

My Goodness, you are really overthinking this major! He put the descriptive word 'lovely' in front of your name. I'd say that sounds like a compliment, that he finds you to be a lovely person. Putting the word "My" in there designates that you simply are his girlfriend, not Shirleys or Chelseys etc. You did say he is your boyfriend so why is it odd to put your boyfriend Dave, John or whatever?
If he were your husband, he could sign it your husband Dave. If I had a mate who scrutinized everything I said for hidden meanings or double meanings, I would be afraid to talk or communicate at all and I would clam up. I don't think you want that.
What's the real issue hon? Is it that a previous boyfriend was a control freak and possesive so you are imagining that now in simple non controlling gestures?

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I found out that my boyfriend was texting old women (late 40's to 50's) and other women who were at least 8 years older than him. He's 21 and I'm 20. So of course, he basically fucks them. It was indeed cheating.

But it never hurt me coz duh I'm much younger, smart, I'm a triathlete, top in our school, pretty and I'm quite popular in the city.

My concern is that, I felt really weird and disgusted that from all of the girls he could on me with, why with women much older than he is. Last night, I've snooped on his phone and saw a 56ish women messaged him asking to meet up again and little did I know he denied having a girlfriend. The women was oh my god, my grandma was far better-looking than her.

I also snooped on his search history on his laptop, I saw massive piled up search of "50 year old women fucking", "60 year old women fucking", "40 year old women fucking". It made me feel so horrible with myself. What's wrong with him?

Also, on his downloads, I've seen at least 20 porn videos of milfs, and old women aged 50s-60s.

I love my boyfriend and this hurts me so bad. I asked him for explanation and he said he didn't have to explain. I even nagged him but he never answered. Unlike before when I saw a girl (2 years older than me) texting him and I got furious, He could explain that. But this no.

Now we're okey and I get to see him after 26 coz we're both travelling. I need an explanation please. This is really bugging me. Please give me an explanation.

And now you get a totally different view point than anyone else. Fetish has been mentioned and the dictionary calls it a fixation, obsession, compulsion, in regards to sex. I suppose it could be a fetish, but then the person might also be open to doing all sorts of other things. I don't quite see it as a fetish for many men and women who are attracted to mates older than them. My take is that this is more like a sexual preference.

For example: When it comes to sex and a man is attracted to men only, we don't say he has a fixation, obsessions compulsion or fetish about men. Its taught now that this is how they were born.

Most people that I know of, including my current husband, are interested seriously in people older than them and can't force themselves to be attracted to people their own age range any more than a gay man can force himself to be attracted to women. I am only a year older. But when the husband was a teen working as a busboy, he had women anywhere from late twenties to late thirties hitting on him. He actually ended up in relationships with a few. He did not have a gf his age, and he did not just have sex, I am talking of a real relationship and he's mentioned one where they lived together about 5 years. He also knew another guy like that and can explain the more common reasons why:

They don't want to sire kids and someone older already has children or doesn't want them either.

Girls their age are too immature, don't understand men, overthink all the time, are drama queens, have low self esteem when compared to older women who :

are more self confident, mature, know what they want and its easier to find a female who understands men better in older women, don't usually want to get married or remarried and yes, more experiences in bed. However it doesn't take decades to be experienced. Younger women can be experienced. It's not how many men a woman has had sex with, it is the quality of sex. It is easier to have rewarding conversation with older women. They won't nit pick apart everything a guy says and take everything wrong. I read every day what the questions of younger women are regarding what does a guy mean when he says ..... they fail to ask him so the relationship is based on guesses and assumptions and not really understanding each other. I have no problem when adults have a large age gap. However, the boyfriend in question does not sound like the typical male would is attracted to older women. He is indeed enjoying the most carefree sex because he doesn't have to worry about getting them pregnant. If not in menopause but still sexually active, you can bet they are using a birth control, something more than condoms. If they are not concerned about STD's, then maybe condoms aren't used and many men don't like use of condoms because they say it cuts down sensation. The only concern here if you don't mind a man who cheats on you then might be whether you could catch an STD if he is seeing as many older women as he can. It doesn't matter if the girls are young or old, he made some kind of commitment to you and then goes and has sex with others, that is cheating plain and simple. You need to worry less about the age of women he's with and wonder why you think he is still worth hanging on to as a boyfriend. Before you say its cus you love him, many women in history have loved men who did not deserve their love and treated them like sh#t. Thats only one way love from her to him but not from him to her so you are fooling yourself if you believe you have a happy healthy relationship and there's something redeeming about it. I am an older woman, and I can tell you, I would not put up with this kind of crap.

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Hi 18/F and my bf is 27. I know this is a huge age gap but that's not the problem. My bf was in a really bad relationship a few years back. It lasted about 4 years but it was so baf he used drugs to get rid of his feelings and he was emotionally abused by his father alot. My heart is really small and I always try not hurting other people. I try to give him the TLC he needs but he shuts me out as soon as we're not togheter. I know this was going to happen yet I cept going. Sometimes he makes me really sad and he doesn't realise how hard its on me. He always posted pics of his ex and said cute things but he doesn't even puts up a status for me on whatsapp .. its really getting to me .. please help ..

This may be more one sided than you will believe.
For one thing:
He doesn't seem to be over his ex and any person who isn't over an ex is not ready for a new relationship. How do I know this? Because you yourself told me "He always posted pics of his ex and said cute things ..." We all may mention an ex from time to time as a memory comes up but when its all the time and he has nothing to say about you, thats a classic sign he's not over her.

Secondly: He needs counseling to learn to deal with past or current abuse. You said " he was emotionally abused by his father alot" and I can relate in a way as I was emotionally abused by my previous husband for 30 years. I know that it really can mess with self esteem and one creates coping mechanisms to get through another day but these coping mechanisms are not good for a relationship. He will not only have trouble relating to you but anyone and everyone he needs to deal with on a daily basis like coworkers and boss, or school mates/teacher if in college, and even family and friends.

Thirdly: I cant speak into what was 'bad' in the past relationship but more often one or both make terrible mistakes due to simply not knowing any better and not reading up on the how to's of relating in a male/female relationship. In my case, I wasn't the one creating most the problems but my problem was staying longer than I should have simply because I felt time might change things. And yes, time changed things but for the worse. What I did wrong was not to leave earlier, so if I say both he and her were at fault, it could simply mean he did not wake up and leave any earlier. If any of the problems were caused by him but he doesnt' realize it, then you have to know those relationship issues he carried into this relationship with you. ITs possible he feels like a failure because the relationship didn't work out and he's too hard on himself, not forgiving himself or what ever distorted mental processes he is going through that may be a product of the verbal abuse he got as a child growing up and most likely still is the case today as far as his dad is concerned. He could also be depressed that the relationship broke up and for whatever reasons she doesn't want him back. Depression doesnt go away on its own.

Fourthly: He made a bad decision by trying to just mask or cover up how bad he felt. Its the same like a drunk using alcohol to temporarily make him forget his troubles. Your guy just did it with drugs. And once sober again, he still had to face the things he is in the mode of running away from. He can't run away or hide. What he is doing is like slapping a bandage on an infected cut on your skin. Below the bandage, the infection just gets worse. A bandaid like drugs or alcohol are not the solution. By mid twenties is when most peoples frontal lobe of the brain is mature and that means able to make better decisions. He was probably not old enough yet to make better decisions for himself. He is now though and he needs to come to the realization that he needs professional help. I am not saying he is mental or needs medication, but he will need mental, emotional healing and learn how to dismantle any coping mechanisms and how to deal with distorted thinking/thoughts and be able to recognize them. That will be the start to a road of health and until he is on that road and getting better, he is not going to be able to be there for you.
If like my ex, he refuses to see that there is anything wrong with where he's at right now and not believe he needs professional help, then he will not improve and in that case, he will not ever be able to be there for you in the way a mate should be. He will not be good bf material until he gets all his issues dealt with and only then will you have a chance to see what the 'real him' is like and whether you two make a good fit.
I am sure this isn't what you wanted to hear. You love him and hoped there was a special TLC act you could implement that would change everything around but hon, thats not how life works. Humans are more complicated than that. All the TLC in the world will not get down to the real roots of the problem and if you've ever tried to dig up dandelions with the entire root intact and not parts left in the ground, you know how hard it is to do and its just as hard with humans. You can only support him in getting professional help since you do not have the professional degree to help him and then he still needs to be willing to get help. Many will not because they fear digging up hurtful things again. This may be what he will beleive. HOwever you can tell him that the brief period of hurt he needs to face with a professsional in attempt to become healed emotionally is very small in comparison to the rest of his life lived dealing with the same pain. Pain for a couple months or pain for a lifetime is the choice. If he gets help, then after treatment the rest of his life could be filled with joy and happiness.

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I just started a babysitting job for a 5 year old girl today. I will be watching her every Thursday while my cousin works. I need some activities that I can do while watching her please keep in mind that I have no transportation and my cousin will be dropping her off at my house. I also need some quick lunch ideas because I am not a great cook. Thank you!

Since it's winter and close to the holidays, there are unlimited things that will be fun to do. DIY crafts are fun for a 5 yr old. Have the cousin purchase construction paper to bring on Thursday. Look on line for more ideas but she can easily cut straight strips of different colored paper and glue one into a ring, feed the next one through, put glue on and hold it til it sets and continue til she has a long chain to decorate for the holidays. Or she can use all the green paper, trace hands, cut out and make a flat hand tree. Here's a photo in a blog to give you an idea how it goes.

https://funhandprintartblog.com/foam-handprint-christmas-tree-craft.html

Feed the local birds. Cousin would need to provide a bag of bird seed. If you have peanut butter and empty toilet paper rolls, (start saving now) you smear the roll with peanut butter til it's coated and then roll it in the seed mix. Run a string through it and then hang from bushes or trees in the yard or if apartment, on the balcony.
Another is stringing popcorn to hang outside on branches for birds. If you can wield a needle and thread, have her hand you each piece one by one and once done, you let her hang the garland outdoors. Just use plain popcorn, microwave type okay.

Cookie baking is something all kids like to do but it can be messy and take a long time. However rice krispie bars are easy. A box of rice krispies cereal will have the recipe on it. Or look on line because I have done the microwave method to melt the marshmallows, add in right amount of butter and then stir in the cereal. Its fun to have mini m & m's to add in to make more Christmasy. She can help with stirring but the marshmallows can set quickly so it must be mixed quickly. You'd need to do most the stirring.Once well mixed, make sure she has washed her hands so they're clean, give her a dab of butter to grease the palms of her hands with and then she gets to spread the mixture into the right size bake pan for the amount made. SHe might need help spreading it evenly to the sides. Then it goes in fridge to set for a bit and you cut it into bars and you have a Christmas treat.
If there are any Christmas cartoons playing on tv like Rudolph the red nosed reindeer, sit with her to watch it.

Food can be easy, like top ramen with mixed vegetables cooked in, or fresh if you cut them up. Sliced hotdogs added to cheese and mac is another thing kids like. Breakfast for lunch is fun if you want to try french toast. You beat two eggs with a fork if no hand or electric beater, add a couple spoons of milk, Dip the slice of bread in it to coat each side with egg and then you fry it in a pan. It can be served with jelly or syrup or just a mix of sugar and cinnamon sprinkled on it. If she eats fruit, thats so easy to cut an apple into quarters and if she can't eat all, you eat some, or a half a banana is a good addition to lunch.

Asking your cousin what she likes to eat is probably the best and getting her to help you with cheap craft supplies is a great way to be prepared.

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HI! IM a girl and I am 15 years old. I am really panicinig because I saw blood on my poop . It is the first time happening and I dont know what to do.I have even passed my period. Please answer

If you were bleeding internally, your poop turns black so it's nothing drastic. Trust me, my husband had bleeding stomach and his poop turned black.

Now as to seeing a bit of fresh blood on the poop, it can be that you had a big hard one to pass and it ripped the skin there a bit. That will heal on it's own.
the only other thing it can be that might need a doctor is if you have a hemorroid, an external one that is bleeding. If bleeding continues every time you go to the bathroom, then it might need to be seen by a doctor. I know...embarassing, but something that gets infected down there, or an absess/cyst needs to be treated by a doctor.

If you usually have to strain hard every time you go number two, then there is increase chance for rips, infection, hemmorroids or a cyst. Something like a cyst or other infection wont go away on its own. Real bad hemorroids don't usually go away on their own easily and are uncomfortable.
This is why its best to make sure you always have soft poops.If you always have hard poops and I were you, I would read on line of what foods have high fiber and add that to your diet. Some high fiber foods don't work for me as well as others. Eating a whole fresh avocado works best for me. So start trying different foods to see which works best for you.

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I got hired at a restaurant through an agency that helps people with disabilities. I have a job coach. My boss has been giving me really low hours because the assistant manager is complaining and wants me gone. I’m supposed to get 25 hours a week, but they give me 4 hours. They’ve made accommodations and the assistant manager doesn’t like it and has been complaining to my coworkers and the manager. They’ve sent me home early several times and made up lame excuses to tell me not to come in. My coworkers were being rude because I’ve overheard them talking about my accommodations. Now the manager has been ignoring my calls/texts and didn’t send me a work schedule.

I believe that the assistant manager has been trying to get me fired and has talked about complaining. She is the reason the manager isn’t answering me. I also haven’t gotten paid and the restaurant just opened a month ago. I don’t know who I’m supposed to go and report this to because it isn’t a big restaurant. It only has a few locations. My job coach isn’t helpful.

Does this mean I’m fired if they don’t answer my calls? Is this legal? Don’t they have to pay me?

If your job coach isn't getting involved, then talk to your social worker. This would be the person you see once a year for a meeting to see if your circumstances have changed. If you do not have her/his name and contact number, then call your local DSHS to explain that you need your social worker to contact you and get the number and name to also leave them a message. If you think you don't have anyone to contact, go in to DSHS in person, this is better than calling as you can end up for an hour or more waiting. If going in person, tell the person who calls your name, what your issue is, who your job coach is and that they haven't worked on your job schedule issues on your behalf and ask if they can give you someone to help you. Let them know as you told us of what has been going on. They are doing this in hopes you will just quit. Don't. I had the same happen to me where I was on the books as an employee but they were no longer giving me any shifts at all, I had no hours for an entire month. I am not disabled, but this is a way a company will treat an employee they don't want because they have to have a good reason to fire you and a personality conflict and not liking you is not a good enough reason. In your case, I do not know if they filled out any paperwork agreeing to give you the 25 hours a week. An occasional slow time is reasonable and getting only 20 or 18 hours a week. Some companies have work load vary quickly with out warning and the PT people are told to go home first. HOwever if that's the case, they should be rotating taking turns with all the Part time employees having to go home early on occasion. I was the only one being sent home early, no one else, so it is obvious they are picking on you and treating you unfairly. In my case, it wasn't a job I was thrilled to fight for. So I quit but if you are disabled, you may have a case against them for discrimination. The very fact that they have not fired you means you are a good worker and they have nothing they can legally claim as a reason to fire you. So you need to talk to DSHS and find out if someone there can handle this for you, getting someone from your state labor board involved or whether at any point a lawyer is needed to go through the companys owner or corporate office.
This new business may be suffering and unable to pay all their bills and figured you'd probably not question anyway and keep working for free and for little hours but that is not right. If that is the case, you should still get paid for hours you worked but a job counselor may have to find you a better place if your current employer is in financial trouble and may not keep its door open. You may also need a new job so you do need to contact your social worker or DSHS if nothing is happening. Typically, social workers are overworked and have heavy case loads every day and it can be hard to fit in an extra person to help out on any particular day....thats how badly their work loads are. I've seen that being the case for years. But if nothing else, go in person and get a chance to tell your story and the problems and have someone put your issue into their system, emailing the details to whomever needs to handle it. Ask them how soon you can expect to hear from this person and if no one does, call and talk to them again. Please have paper and pen with you and write down the day you went in to complain and the name of the person you talked to and what they promised DSHS can do for you. Use this information to share with them if you have to go in again due to no responses from anyone. You may have to ask for a new job coach. It may be the one I was familiar with, was handling things beyond the scope of her job duties. Previous job counselors didn't help as much with the client I did care giving for. So you might have to keep complaining to DSHS or whomever they told to contact and help you. If people think they can still ignore you, have a family member or friend call in case you are getting the run around with DSHS. There were occasions I had to speak on my clients behalf because they were not getting all the information from my client, or they just didn't understand the full issue or my client wasn't understanding it.

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I’ve been working for a month. I handed my boss my direct deposit slip 3 weeks ago and I haven’t been paid. We’re supposed to get paid every 2 weeks. I haven’t gotten a paper check. My boss isn’t around when I’m at work, it’s just the assistant managers. He doesn’t answer his phone.

If there is a human resources department, go talk to them. If its a one person owner/operator of the business, perhaps payroll is not his forte'. I know someone who does payroll and accounting for small businesses so there is no excuse.

If there is somewhere you can leave the boss a note, in their office, do so and have a copy of the note, dated and asking the boss to contact you in the next day or two to look into the issue and get it straightened out. If the boss does not respond then leave a note stating they need to contact you before the end of the following day with a pay check or you will need to take the issue to your state labor department and report it. If the boss is rarely in the office, make sure the assistant manager see's your note and ask them to call the boss right then. I had to do the same to contact a boss in fast food and the shift manager took a photo of my note and texted it to the boss right then and showed me proof that they had. You may need to go to that point because there is no guarantee that a manager will care or do anything. There were some really bad shift managers for me. If you had to sign up for direct deposit, then you wouldnt get a paper check but the amount just deposited straight to your bank account unless they turned in info wrong to the bank. I had that happen once.
Hope this helps and you can read the link below for further ideas


http://work.chron.com/can-employer-late-paying-me-1486.html

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I am 18 years and career wise i am a little confuse because i am financially incapable. i dont live alone but i dont really have someone who can pay for my things but that is not my only problem. i have issues and i mean i really do...i think i am bipolar and have a little depression at least that what people say... i have frequent sad feelings that i get when i am actually having fun... that is i will be doing somthing that i like to do but then i feel really really sad but i cannot remember what i just thought about... next i will be telling someone something funny or exiting then in the middle i just dont feel like saying it anymore so i may end it and just dont want to talk to anyone anymore. i believe that my feelings are because of my mother. she basically is mad... she "escaped" from her instituition and like 9-10 years after she had me and brother. my brother and i are 2years apart and she told us when i was 9 or so that she didnt intend to have us and when she found out she was pregnant she wanted to take some somthing to flush us out ...actually she did take it and it didnt work she later said when i was 17.the thing is i am a child who has been hurting for years but to everyone i just have 2 aforementioed problems but i am usaually fun , kind and smart. ( sorry my thoughts are all over and i cant stop crying so everything sounds crazy i think) my mother calls me ugly and a slut. the thing is i know i am not a slut but i do believe i am ugly... i hate my appea2rence and i hate to 2be cal2led attractive as i think 2everytone is lying to me...the thing is she only says that when she is upset and when she isnt upset she tells me that i should not hide from persons or behave like that when someone wants a pic of me because imnot ugly .... but the fact is i already believe that i am ugly and the fact that i get a lot of acne makes me feel the way i feel and i feel more inclined to believe your other statement. anyway i dont care that much about that...my problem is that she wishes bad things for me and tells me that she cant wait for me die so she can just bury me ...really it is like the reason why i have not kill myself is because i love God, my sister and my brother they are the only people who care about me ...i cant open up to anyone ...evertime someone gets to close to me i do shit so that they can stop trying or at least get tired of me ...i dont know what to do i have beeen living my life in the way that i confuse persons so they think i shy and that is why i act the way i am... the truth is i am not very shy i just dont trust anyone and i think that i dont deserve love because i hate my mother ...i really do...and although i wish she was different so i can love that will never happen so who really am i ? a girl who is full of hate and loves being alone?

I also believe that a lot of your issues start with Mom and the stories of not wanting you and the fact she has some kind of mental illness.
So it is understandable if you feel depressed. However you feel your mood swings about from happy to sad for no reason. I am no doctor so I can't say that depression may have a part in it but I have a sister who has a handful of medical conditions and is not able to do things for herself much anymore so besides suffering pain all the time, she felt like giving up hope at times and was depressed and yet her Drs. never sent her to see a Psychologist or Psychiatrist until she recently got a new Dr. This Dr. immediately knew something was wrong, suspected bi polar and refered her to a certified mental health specialist. She is now on bi polar meds and says to me that her sense of well being is so different, like night and day.

I understand your not trusting people because the people you should have been able to learn to trust from childhood on, parents, that wasn't there. This will require counseling.
I am guessing you are pretty much on your own so financially you don't think you can find help. This means that even if you don't feel like doing it, you need to do something for yourself anyways, there is always some help out there that you can get hooked into if you can't afford to pay to see Dr.s yourself or don't have insurance through work. If you are a college student, talk to the school health person and ask them to point you in the right direction. You can always talk to your Pastor/Priest and ask them to help you get connected to mental health agencies....let an older adult who does help people with all kinds of issues including spiritual guidance, help you. If you don't attend church, pick one close by and call the church office and tell them you don't attend but you need someone you can get to help you so you need to see the pastor. I mention this because I know churches do care about issues like this and will help. I used to attend a larger church that actually had two certified mental health practitioners on staff and you could make appointments with them or go elsewhere.
I mention churches in case you don't want to go to your local DSHS office. Department of State Health Services. You can find them in a phone directory or if anyone you know uses food stamps, ask them where it is. This is an office that helps with getting food stamps and health care related issues handled as well as setting you up with housing for those who need to be referred to get low income housing. If its something they don't fully handle, they can get the ball rolling and set you up with the right agency if you are low income or don't have any income. You may be assigned to a social worker who will do what they can to get you the help you need. I used to do caregiving and my clients had to see DSHS or social workers regularly. When my husband broke his leg, we ended up needing help from DSHS ourselves. You do not need money to see them. Its on a walk in basis and you will be seen according to when you came in, like people waiting at the driver licensing office. It gets real busy and you can spend a long time waiting so I recommend this as your best choice and that you show up right as they open the office in the morning as the amount of people waiting, grows real quickly.
I do hope you go there, even if you don't feel you can trust anyone yet, this is their job, to hook you up with help if you have no money. Write back and let me know how the process of your finding mental health help goes.

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I was walking to school this morning and i slipped on ice outside. I landed on my wrist and it hurts really bad. I cant move it forward or backward and i cant move my thumb with out sharp pains. There is no swelling or bruising so i dont know if its a sprain or not. Could i have possibly sprained my wrist?

Talk to the parents. All injuries are not the same. You say there is no swelling or bruising. Perhaps that is due to you being young. I am grandma age and fell at work on slippery floors, landed on wrist and it swelled and bruised. I had the bad pain and sharp pains if I moved my thumb or rotated my forearm. I had to see a Dr. who took xrays to make sure there wasn't a hair line fracture. Thats not a total break but if one exists and you stress the area too much with movement, you could make it worse. I was also given a support brace to wear at night while asleep and during daytime to prevent me moving it more than I should.
The best thing is to make sure a Dr. see's it so you need to tell your parents.
If you don't want to tell and see a Dr. perhaps I can share a story to change your mind. My husband used to deliver packages for Fed Ex. He fell off the end of his truck and in using both hands to break his fall got hairline fractures in both wrists but worse in his right one. He didn't see a Dr. because he didn't want to lose any work so he pushed through the pain and didn't heal right. In recent times, due to problems he is now having now thats he's older, he had a Dr. look at his wrists and had it confirmed that he had a fracture in the past. I had to go through strengthening exercises once my pain was gone. My husband never got a brace or the exercises. Drs can't do something for a fracture but they sure can confirm it and tell you what not to do so it heals well. Today, my husband can not flex his wrists without losing strength quickly, having pain and finding the circulation to his hands slowly cut off and his hands turning cold. One Dr. said it could be scar tissue that puts pressure on blood circulation and it becomes an issue only when he is doing hard work that involves lots of movement in certain positions with his wrists. I wouldn't want to see that happen to you. So don't ignore it and try to be brave, tell the parents and if they don't take you, tell the school nurse how much it hurts and let her know if your parents aren't taking it seriously.

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14, female. I've played with the ouija board countless times, having the worst experiences yet always being drawn back to the damned board.

It all started at a Halloween party. Me and my friend wanted to scare all the kids at the party by pretending to contact something demonic. God, if I only knew what would happen afterwards, I would have never touched the thing. We were playing outside, with the whole party watching, but the two of us being the only ones brave enough to play. It started out as planned, where we pretended we were talking to Satan. Then we revealed it was a joke, laughing hysterically at how they all fell for it. Then one of the kids wanted us to play for real, which we agreed to.

When we asked if anyone was there, noises from the woods near the kids house were being heard. It sounded like something was moving through the woods. After a while of nothing but strange noises, we were about to give up. I said something like "I bet demons don't even have the guts to play." That's when everything went south. I started seeing a shadow out of the corner of my eye, and everything around me began to slow down until I fell asleep. That's all I could remember, but when I woke up I was in the house and the rest of the party goers were batshit terrified. Apparently I was laughing hysterically to the point where I was starting to puke, and screaming in a man's voice,"I BET YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE SO FUNNY!"

When I went home, nothing was the same. I could hear footsteps and breathing when no one else was home, things would mysteriously fall over and technology would start acting up. In my dreams, I'd have nightmares about a black shadow coming to attack me and wake up at 3:00am on the dot every single time having a panic attack.

The second time I played I was in my grandmas house, upstairs where no one lives by myself. A similar thing kept happening where an entity claiming to have never been born was playing with me, and I wanted to stop. I kept trying to say goodbye, but it would always go to "no." Eventually I was like "fuck it" and put the planchette and board away, then went downstairs.

In that apartment is where the entity is at its strongest. Going up there I always feel uneasy and scared, and I see the black shadow right in front of me, not in the corner of my eye.

I played so many times for hours though it seemed like only minutes, and can't stop. I know it's bad and evil, but it's like an addiction. I even sold my board, though I keep feeling the need to create my own and continue playing. How do I stop this?

My only advice is to see a Priest familiar with cases of oppression and possession where evil spirits are concerned. Of course, he can not free you and give you some kind of protection that works no matter how often you go back and dabble in black arts, satanism, and any objects known to open doors to possible bad spirits, like the Ouija board. So its really up to you whether you continue to live plagued like this or do a complete turnaround and decide to follow the example of your Heavenly Father and attempt to become more like God every day. Start attending church, be earnest. You can't fake that either.

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