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Why do I always fall for guys who hurt me?
I had been "talking", well i thought we were talking, to this dude that I really like and then it turns out he was having sex with every girl under the sun and sexting all sorts of girls. I found out he cheated on his ex after he told me she was the one who was messing around behind his back. So he was lying and messing with other girls but was leading me on and i STILL like him. Why do I like him still? How do i get out of this vicious cycle with this particular guy?
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Just a wild guess here, but based on psychology, I do know a tiny bit about how things can go between our conscious mind and our subconscious mind. It would seem yours are at odds having different ideas of what they want. While your conscious mind recognizes that this kind of guy is not the right kind to have a seriously in love happy ever after relationship with, your subconscious mind believes differently, enjoying some of the parts of the bad boy image. Perhaps she (your sub.mind) actually likes aspects of this type, less boring-more exciting, less predictable, more unpredictable, surprising, etc... A good guy who is devoted to you can be like this too if he is outgoing and self confident enough.
Sometimes it is hard to deal with changing or taking control over your sub. mind (SM) because it is much like having a second person inhabiting your Birthday suit. Best to treat ths SM as if you would a totally different person with ideas of their own. Think of it as a difficult roommate in your house you own. You have to set the rules and keep telling your SM until she breaks her bad habits. Mine is pretty much on friendly basis with me but I have had to use this tactic before too. However you have to be consistant.
In your case, every time you think of the guy and feel love feelings, tell your subconscious (it helps sometimes to give it a name or ask its name) tell it that this kind of guy is not right for both of you and does not deserve your love. Let your SM know you are looking out for her too and don't want to see her hurt either but you do realize there are some aspects that she is attracted to in those types. Promise her that you will accept her help in finding a good loyal one woman man who also has some of the attractive but non harmful aspects you find yourself going for in the bad boy types. Tell her she now has to stop generating feelings of love for this guy because he's not good for you. Then every time your SM wanders back to thinking about him, stop right there and remind her that she needs to stop focusing on him without the longer explanation. You may have to do this more times a day than you can imagine. Think of something like every 5 minutes. It can be bad but if you are diligent and keep up with it the first day or two are toughest and most exhausting mentally. Kind of like saying No over and over to a little child who hasn't felt the pain yet of touching a hot stove. But once they do, they know it is painful and its more likely your saying no will give them pause, or make them stop immediately . This is what you need to accomplish with your SM, by being consistent in reminding her of how things are going to go from now on. I swear, at times it's like my conscious mind feels like the adult and my SM is the child, or maybe you've heard the term 'inner child'? Yep, that describes the SM pretty good but its also at the same time got that wisdom beyond a childs years, so it is good to be on friendly terms with your SM. The only way I can think of if you don't want to go through all this is forcing your SM by hypnosis. Hypnosis goes past your conscious mind and gives suggestions straight to your subconscious mind. And the effect you want is immediate. A girlfriend used hypnosis when a coworker got kicks out of scaring the waitresses, jumping out at them in the kitchen so they dropped what they had, and she became so anxious, she was jumpy even when the guy wasn't there so she went for hypnosis and problem solved, she never startled again. You may still meet some guys yet who are not the best as you and your SM are learning how to be on the same page about things. But then running for hypnosis every time you meet a guy who isn't right but you like him, can get quite expensive and just isn't practical anymore. This is a life skill that will help you in your future life in many areas and unfortunately the masses of humanity do not have a clue and this concept is not taught. But it sure has helped me in my life. I had an abusive 1st husband and once I left him, the first guy I dated ended up abusive in different ways as well. So once you and your SM are in agreement, like when I left my ex, you may be tested for your own sake, so you can know it wasn't just a fluke, an accident that you somehow left a bad guy. I believe I had to know that I really truly did learn my lesson in how to spot and identify the wrong type and i couldn't always tell on a first date. Sometimes it took until the 3rd day or a month before the guy stopped hiding his true self or got careless and I saw him for who he really was. When I saw this, no matter what emotions were there, I ended it. The emotional feelings attached ended when I was able to have my SM agree that she recognized the bad stuff and didn't want it any longer either. I can't say how it will go for you. Your emotions do follow how you think so the battle really is in your mind. Settle it there and the emotions will follow suit. If anything here has been unclear, let me know and write me from my column and I will try to explain better.
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