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My Boyfriend Has "Old Women Fetish"
I found out that my boyfriend was texting old women (late 40's to 50's) and other women who were at least 8 years older than him. He's 21 and I'm 20. So of course, he basically fucks them. It was indeed cheating.
But it never hurt me coz duh I'm much younger, smart, I'm a triathlete, top in our school, pretty and I'm quite popular in the city.
My concern is that, I felt really weird and disgusted that from all of the girls he could on me with, why with women much older than he is. Last night, I've snooped on his phone and saw a 56ish women messaged him asking to meet up again and little did I know he denied having a girlfriend. The women was oh my god, my grandma was far better-looking than her.
I also snooped on his search history on his laptop, I saw massive piled up search of "50 year old women fucking", "60 year old women fucking", "40 year old women fucking". It made me feel so horrible with myself. What's wrong with him?
Also, on his downloads, I've seen at least 20 porn videos of milfs, and old women aged 50s-60s.
I love my boyfriend and this hurts me so bad. I asked him for explanation and he said he didn't have to explain. I even nagged him but he never answered. Unlike before when I saw a girl (2 years older than me) texting him and I got furious, He could explain that. But this no.
Now we're okey and I get to see him after 26 coz we're both travelling. I need an explanation please. This is really bugging me. Please give me an explanation.
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And now you get a totally different view point than anyone else. Fetish has been mentioned and the dictionary calls it a fixation, obsession, compulsion, in regards to sex. I suppose it could be a fetish, but then the person might also be open to doing all sorts of other things. I don't quite see it as a fetish for many men and women who are attracted to mates older than them. My take is that this is more like a sexual preference.
For example: When it comes to sex and a man is attracted to men only, we don't say he has a fixation, obsessions compulsion or fetish about men. Its taught now that this is how they were born.
Most people that I know of, including my current husband, are interested seriously in people older than them and can't force themselves to be attracted to people their own age range any more than a gay man can force himself to be attracted to women. I am only a year older. But when the husband was a teen working as a busboy, he had women anywhere from late twenties to late thirties hitting on him. He actually ended up in relationships with a few. He did not have a gf his age, and he did not just have sex, I am talking of a real relationship and he's mentioned one where they lived together about 5 years. He also knew another guy like that and can explain the more common reasons why:
They don't want to sire kids and someone older already has children or doesn't want them either.
Girls their age are too immature, don't understand men, overthink all the time, are drama queens, have low self esteem when compared to older women who :
are more self confident, mature, know what they want and its easier to find a female who understands men better in older women, don't usually want to get married or remarried and yes, more experiences in bed. However it doesn't take decades to be experienced. Younger women can be experienced. It's not how many men a woman has had sex with, it is the quality of sex. It is easier to have rewarding conversation with older women. They won't nit pick apart everything a guy says and take everything wrong. I read every day what the questions of younger women are regarding what does a guy mean when he says ..... they fail to ask him so the relationship is based on guesses and assumptions and not really understanding each other. I have no problem when adults have a large age gap. However, the boyfriend in question does not sound like the typical male would is attracted to older women. He is indeed enjoying the most carefree sex because he doesn't have to worry about getting them pregnant. If not in menopause but still sexually active, you can bet they are using a birth control, something more than condoms. If they are not concerned about STD's, then maybe condoms aren't used and many men don't like use of condoms because they say it cuts down sensation. The only concern here if you don't mind a man who cheats on you then might be whether you could catch an STD if he is seeing as many older women as he can. It doesn't matter if the girls are young or old, he made some kind of commitment to you and then goes and has sex with others, that is cheating plain and simple. You need to worry less about the age of women he's with and wonder why you think he is still worth hanging on to as a boyfriend. Before you say its cus you love him, many women in history have loved men who did not deserve their love and treated them like sh#t. Thats only one way love from her to him but not from him to her so you are fooling yourself if you believe you have a happy healthy relationship and there's something redeeming about it. I am an older woman, and I can tell you, I would not put up with this kind of crap.
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I'm an "old woman", but I sure wouldn't want a younger man. LOL. I would suppose women my age who want a younger man are either looking for someone who wants taken care of, or someone with a little more pep than men their own age.
I do know that 2, yes 2, of my sons friends are married to women my age. Like you I think its kinda gross. The reasons they have given are actually different than those Adviceman would imagine....
They both have very nice mothers. They both stayed home & raised them along with siblings. They say it is hard to find women who want to stay home & raise a family these days.
Girls their age are all me, me, me. They are busy doing their own thing & don't have time to spend with them. When they do its all about the money.
Now that is just what they have told me. It may be the more experienced in bed thing too...but they claim the other things are more important to them.
So not to be discouraging, but perhaps he just likes older women. He will probably end up married to one some day. At 21 though he may be dating one his own age just for appearances, not a lot of us find that much of an age difference as anything but gross.
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I would love to give you an explanation that makes sense. If you ever hear one please pass it on. In reality for some guys it is a fetish as would be any other fetish such as watersport(being pissed on) S&M, BDSM and others. As fetishes go this is relatively harmless unless and until a husband or significant other finds out.
Then of course there are men who want to have sex with there mothers. For them having sex with women their mothers age is a substitute for not being able to have sex with their mothers.
Then there is the most popular reason a guy will give. Sex with an older women is better because she is more experienced. It's just sex, she wants nothing in return. An older women may be willing to different sex acts that a younger women may not, such as anal sex.
I don't know to many guys who don't want to have anal sex. Problem is most young girls are not willing to have anal sex were as most older women will and enjoy anal sex.
These are some of the reasons given, none make a lot of sense. Given the chance I would guess as many as 80% of men would jump at the chance o have sex with an older women. which is one reason I believe female teachers are able to seduce there teenage students as easily as those who have.
Since he seems to be successful at attracting older women I don't think you will be able to stop him any time soon.
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