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Is it normal to miss someone youve never met?
Theres this guy, 17m, named Grant and weve never met but I, 17f, miss him more than I probably should. He does this thing where he leaves me on open (on snapchat) to "assert his dominance" as he likes to call it and ive been grounded for a few months so i rarely talk to him so i think thats why i miss him. Im pretty sure he doesnt like me back but i cant help how i feel. Is it normal to want and miss him? How do i stop since he more than likely doesn't feel the same?
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I was wondering about your initial question until I opened and read your message. The fact this is all on the internet explains it fully to me whats going on. Lets see if I can get you up to date.
First I must establish with you the fact that as our mind thinks, our emotions will follow.
Here's a great example: Lets say you watched a particularly sad movie you can relate to because its about teens in HS and you are crying along with the girl in the story when she is mistreated by someone or bullied or dumped. Although things like that do happen in life, your mind knows these were just actors in a made up story but you now also feel hate toward the guy who hurt the girl so bad. Everytime you see that actor, you may not really like him all because of how you hated his character in the movie.
What your mind takes in and experiences, will produce feelings of 'oh that's good' 'oh that's so sad', even if you are simply watching a movie or a bystander to an event.
Now lets transfer that to the internet and friendships on there and internet dating. I am not against stuff like this as I have done it too but there is a proper way and a wrong way. I found my second husband thru internet dating site. But I am an older generation who grew up during a time the only technology we had was land line phones. Phones were not used to talk on end with people you could easily do so face to face but only those who lived across town, in another state, etc.
On the net, you are being presented only by what the other person wants to show you or tell you. Pics can be carefully selected to not show what they truly look like in person. They can say things that you have no way of knowing you can trust because you are not with them in person seeing how they support their claim of who and what they are personality wise by being consistently always the same no matter the situation. We have many senses too but we can't employ them all over the net, cus you don't know how he smells, how he keeps house, how he treats other people, not just you, and worst of all is liking how a guy thinks, maybe his sense of humor and statements of what he is interested in, but when you finally meet in person, no matter if he looks like a male model, there is no sexual chemistry, that spark is missing. Believe me, its possible. I once met with a guy who looked like a model but we both didn't feel that sizzle and spark between us.
So, I attempt to tell everyone that the sooner you take a friendship out of the internet into real life, you can then find out if it will work or not. right now your emotions are based only on what you have liked on the internet. There is no real basis in real life situations and as you said , he may not be interested in you either. This is why I believe using the internet as a tool simply to learn of the existence of someone else, is the best way to go. Unfortunately, it is often best to meet in person in a weeks time or a couple weeks at least, the less time your mind is left to its own imaginings the better. And therefore, it is important that one doesn't go looking for people who live too far away or in another state or another country. In dating sites, you can set how many miles you are willing to travel to see a person and if its a new relationship and you are still in the learning stage of discovering things about a guy to decide if you will commit to him or not, then the more often per week you see each other in person, the better. My current and 2nd husband whom I met on the net, were 45 minutes away from each other. That is easily workable. We talked nightly after work for two weeks before we were able to free our schedules to meet in person. I think we both knew once in person this was the one right. We both felt like we'd been friends forever and we both felt that chemistry, even though he left it to me to make the first move to kiss him. Before I met him, there was one guy I talked to every day only for a week before we went to meet at a restaurant. Not only did he not look much like his photo, but he'd hid that he was very overweight. Nothing against that, there are some body types that are naturally more chunky and can lose control of their weight but it they are eating healthy and get some exercise, then you know this is the best they are going to be. NOpe, not this guy, he ordered meat and potato swimming in gravy and no vegetables. In asking him, he ate this all the time, never ate vegetables although on line, he agreed he was into healthy eating diets like myself and natural health, etc. So not only was he not what I expected, he had lied and I was not about to tolerate lying or a man who kept things from me. Yet before meeting him, I was so enamored already and could hardly wait to meet in person and felt all those good giddy feelings, and if he didn't call on time, already missed talking to him. Its a mental battle you have to engage in, because your mind will feel what it feels based on what you have had your mind focused on. Stop talking to him on line, and thats the end of it...simple. But you may not want to do that. The longer you keep yourself feeling tied to someone on the net who may not work out, you leave yourself as off the shelf and not available for any local guy who may treat you like a queen. Although at your age, most guys have quite a steep learning curve yet ahead to know exactly how to be a real good trustworthy stable man and how to treat a woman properly.
I would remedy what is getting you grounded so you have your parents trust again. THis means you actually change, don't fake it. Then meet guys whom you can date in person. LDRs are not as wonderful as many think they are. If however you simply pretend to go along with the parents and then meet a wonderful guy but end up grounded again, now you can't go see your bf. So unless its something trivial or your parents are way off base, its best to learn your lesson and shape up so the grounding gets lifted dear. I know this part sounds harsh but if you look at it this way, meeting the right guy and then getting grounded again for repeating what you did wrong the first time, then that would be torture and very sad. Think a couple steps ahead to any of your actions as to whatever possible outcomes there might be and you will find it easier to make the right decisions.
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