|
Interacial and interfaith dating...
So I'm a 14 year old girl, and I know it sounds ridiculous to say this at my age, but I really think I've found the one. He treats me like I'm an absolute goddess, supports my dreams in life, and we have so much in common and I'm just really attracted to him and his personality. We've been dating for months now and everyone at our High school knows (mostly bc he shows me off constantly lol) except our families. We hang out after school when we stay late for "help in a class."
So I'm an Arab American-Syrian from my dad's side and Palestinian from my mom's side to be exact. We're also Catholic. He's 100% Russian and a Jew. See how this is a tricky situation?
So we've both discussed anxiety over telling our family. His family doesn't mind him dating other religions but they've always had a kind of fear of Arabs...especially Palestinians and Syrians. My family is really closeminded on Jews, I was pretty much taught from a young age that they're all chasing money and world domination, and that they'd wipe out "people like us" first chance they get. When I invited a friend over who was Jewish, they were a little uneasy. My dad and my grandparents on his side also despise Russians, mainly because of their airstrikes in Syria.
I really love him and don't wanna lose him because of our stupid families. He expressed being afraid that I'd want to leave him if his family treated me poorly, which I said I wouldn't do, and he said the same. But our families would eventually have to know and accept it if we are going to have a life together.
Neither of us have got a single clue on how we are going to convince our parents that Arabs and Jews are not all evil shits. If anyone has experience in this matter or thinks they know what to do, what should we do?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
From how you described the bf, he sounds absolutely wonderful dear, and that is so rare to find a guy like that at your age. My second husband is supportive and not only treats me like a Goddess but calls me his Goddess. Though very rare to meet your future husband in HS, it is possible.
Worst case scenerio is that neither of your families come around to accepting and trusting. This could mean families disowning the two of you if you decide to marry. That however is a ways off. And I guarantee you that due to your age most people will think it is puppy love or tell you to forget him and figure by time you graduate or go to college you'll feel differently. While that could happen, if your guy is like my husband was already as a teen, then he most likely will still be just as wonderful a guy plus even more mature as he grows older. That bad thing is that letting the family know now may make them forbid you to see each other, even the little you do, and you may want to wait until you are both 18 and considered adults and can choose for yourself. On the other hand, even if you find a way to wait until you are 18, you may be together but theres no way to know if they will come around or forbid you two to marry. It can be a lonely road to have family pretend you don't exist.
I think without mentioning there is a guy you like, or him mentioning you, that both of you work on the family by starting discussions on the topic of how each individual needed to be evaluated based on their own qualities, not that of their race or religion and there are bad apples so to speak in every race and in every religion and since people are more drawn to bad news than good news, that's what the media shares. Without hearing anything good about a race or religion, people begin to form unrealistic ideas and feelings about others. You need to be respectful, no yelling or shouting but bringing home the jewish friend or new friends who are jewish. YOu said they were uneasy. All they need is to get used to seeing a girlfriend like that often enough to see her own qualities and how likeable and trustworthy she is as an individual, not for her race or religious affiliation. Get them used to this concept now...before you turn 18 and openly start dating and though there still may be bumps, I am sure their responses won't be as drastic since they've had a chance to get used to it.
The hardest thing for way in the future is not your races but watch you teach your children religion wise. WIse parents teach their children of both, like Catholic and Jewish faiths and leave it up to their children once they become adults to choose whichever way they want to go. They may choose to study even more beliefs before they decide if at all.
I have a mom who was full German and a Dad who was full Jewish though a german citizen. Grew up in America and heard all Germans called Nazis because of what was done to the Jews. Yet I was of both races. It never bothered me because the parents never made a big deal of it. We heard the stories of their war time experiences. Smart Jews pretended to be Catholic or Lutheran. Dad was so used to that, they raised us with the traditional church based route but when we were teens, Dad began to introduce some of the Jewish traditions, holidays as he tried to recapture what he lost as a child. He was still Christian now but found a Jewish christian church. Not that this applies to you but no matter what differences two people may come from race or religion wise, they can both find a middle ground they are happy with as far as what they present to and model for their children.
I wish you the best dear. If you need to ever discuss anything related or different in the future, just write to me.
]
More Questions: |