adviceman49's advice column | Page 67

home view feedback ask questions add as friend advicenators

Gender:

Male

Member Since:

June 18, 2009

Answers:

8136

Last Update:

May 26, 2019

Visitors:

139673

Favorite Columnists

storageanddisposal

Main Categories:

General Sex Questions

Abusive Relationships

about

My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.

The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.

advice

Is using a toothbrush a good thing to use to masturbate? will sticking it in me cause a problem?

I don't see where using a toothbrush to masturbate is wrong. Just as long as it is clean and is not pointed or has any burrs on the plastic that will scratch you.

I could think of better objects to use that might not cause you harm that a toothbrush might. Teeth have germs that may not be transmitted say during oral sex but could be transmitted on a not so clean toothbrush, I'm not sure of this. So make sure to wash the handle under hot water for at least 2 to 3 minutes before using it to masturbate.

26 female

My dad died when I was 12 but 2 years ago my cousins husband saw how upset I was about it and said I could call him dad if I wanted to. We use to be really close. I could tell him anything and he would be there for me. I could even tell him things I knew he wouldn't like but he would forgive me but things have changed just a few minutes ago he told me not to call him dad any more. I messed up bigtime. I lost my real dad 14my years ago monday and now I lost my new dad and this time it's my fault.

I believe you name is Rachel and I have answered several of your questions. You are 26 or 27 years of age and may still be living with your cousin who was 45 when you wrote to us about living with her. You have written several times concerning a problem with you cousins husband and him being like a dad to you but you have not really told us what the problem is or what might have happened to cause a rift between you two.

Looking back through some of the things you have told us I know life for you has not all that easy. First your dad goes to jail then he passes away. Your mom marries and has an interracial marriage that turns the family against you. You turn to cousin and her husband for support and he becomes like a father to you.

I really can't say without more information why he doesn't want you calling him dad anymore; there could be many reasons. The one that jumps out at me is the fact that your 27, an adult now and he may feel you should not need a father figure any longer. I really can't say.

My suggestion is to do one of the following. Either right back to any or all of us in a private message and;

1) Tell us what happened, what "messed up big time,” so we may be able to offer some advice.

2) Talk to him; find out why he no longer wants you to call him dad. Without knowing why you are only guessing. It may not be because you messed up. It may be for reasons of his own. It may be for cumulative reasons of both you’re doing.

3) Once you know the why, hopefully he will tell you. Apologize if need be and explain to him why it is important to you to have a father figure in your life. Maybe you can reach a compromise where you call him dad in private just between you him and your cousin and at other times you call him by his given name. This is assuming of course that you calling him dad outside the house is part of the problem.

I'm 16 from Wisconsin, homeschooled.

My Mom is driving me insane, I love her but her strictness and constant yelling/ accusing is driving me nuts and I don't know how much more I can take before I blow up at her.

Anyway, I'm sixteen but I'm in 12th grade(did two grades in one year due to homeschooling) and I've heard that once you graduate you are considered an adult if you're seventeen, which I will be once I Graduate,but other people say you have to be 18.

I just want to know if I can move out then or if I have to wait until I'm eighteen.

Please let me know if you can, she's making me go to a tech college that I'm not sure I want to, accusing me of drugs and is super strict about everything and just knowing I have the option to leave in 9 months instead of a year and a half would be a huge relief.

By law you are not considered an adult until you are 18 in every state and most countries in the world. When it comes to contracts such as renting an apartment, buying a car, signing for utilities and other necessities of life until you are 21 and have established a credit history you will most likely be asked for a co-signer. In certain instances and by law in many states for some contracts you must be 21 to enter into them.

I know; not what you wanted to hear. There is one saving grace to your question and problem; your continuing education. You cannot be forced to attend a school you do not wish to attend or to give up a college education in return for a Technical School or College. You and your parents must sign any application for college. Without your signature the college will not consider the application.

Now if the problem was a choice between an Ivy League school and a State college. That problem is probably one of monetary concern. You and you parents would have to find a way to compromise if they are footing the bill.

Doing two years of school in one year tells me you are a bright kid. I don't understand why your mom would want you to go to a Technical School rather than a standard four year college to study something of your choice.

There is nothing wrong with Tech colleges. In fact graduates of tech colleges earn more than those who graduate from four year institutions. This may be what your mother has in mind.

To that I have a couple of sayings that are very applicable. You can make all the money there is to be made and be miserable or you can work at a job you love and never work a day in your life. Meaning when you love your job it is not work. You may not make millions of dollars. If you can put a roof over your head, food on the table and support your family. Then you have the American dream.

So I found out sleeping with sirens was performing at madison squared garden december 1st, and blessthefall the emporuim.
1. Will these bands be playing songs from their newest album (stupid question ik but i want to make sure I know what songs I'm going to have to explain to my parents because I'm 12 and obviously my mom will have to come)

2. Where can I get the cheapest tickets

3. How long do you think they'll both take because I have school the next day

Thank you.

The group knows who their target audience is and the concert will end at an appropriate time generally between 10 and 10:30. As to what songs they will play it is generally up to the artist though if they have a new album out you can expect they will play many of its songs.

As to tickets; you should not look to purchase the cheapest tickets meaning from anyone other than authorized ticket outlets. Cheap tickets not from authorized outlets are phony.

When I lived in New York the Garden had its own Box Office so I would start with them. Go on line to their coming events. There should be a way to go from there to an authorized distributor of tickets.

Call the Garden, ask if they are going to have a parents room where we could wait until the concert was over. . When I took my son and Nieces to a concert, the venue had a parents room where we could wait until the concert ended. They gave us a 5 minute warning so we could go to the prearranged meeting spot to wait for them.

If they have such a room for this concert then you only have to purchase a ticket for yourself. This way you can purchase a ticket that will get you closer to the stage if you want. This bit of research can save you money and make for a more fun concert for both you and mom.

i was 15 years old and he was 16 so if i kiss her for 5 minutes so i get pregnant ya not

You cannot get pregnant from kissing. Whoever told you that knows nothing about human anatomy and biology.

There is only one way to get pregnant and that is through sexual intercourse between a man and a woman. A man's penis is inserted in a woman's vagina. Sperm which is fertilizer for the eggs women produce is ejected through the man's penis into the woman's vagina. IF there is an egg to be fertilized the woman becomes pregnant. This is the only way a woman becomes pregnant by natural means.

Hey. Im a 17 year old female and a senior in highschool. I dont have a car so i ride the school bus to and from school. I have a circle of friends who i talk and joke with on the bus too. Im one of the last stops so my friends are often off before i am. There's this guy who talks with us on the bus but i dont consider him a friend of mine. He's a sophomore but he's bigger than me by a lot. He's around 6 feet tall and heavy set not necessarily 'fat' but all in all hes a pretty big guy compared to my 5'2 stature. Well anyway we all (me,my friends, and him) would talk together but as soon as my friends would leave he would start harrassing me. He would make fun of my feet, call me stupid, call me weak, etc. It hurts my feelings but I don't fight back I just laugh it off and hes constantly telling me i have low self esteem because i don't fight back. Honestly im not the type to waste energy on unnecessary stuff like looking for insults to throwback and im not very good at it so when I try i get laughed at. So I figured my best solution is to ignore him but he wont even let me do that. Today i tried putting my headphones in the middle of his rant and he pulled them out jabbed me in the side and and threw my headphones to the seat behind me. Im embarrassed. I don't want to tell the bus driver because it all seems like childs play. Im in 12th grade and letting myself be pushed around by some underclassmen? It hurts my pride and im ashamed to even mention it to friends because i feel as though that's what they'll say. But this situation is only getting worse. He doesn't mess with me everyday but it gets worse with every incident and theyre pretty random. Should i just keep trying to ignore him?

You really have him now if you want to. When he pulled your headphone off he that was assault, a misdemeanor type charge. When he poked you it becomes a felony. His calling you names is harassment. Based on what he is calling you it could be elevated to sexual harassment and possibly felony charges. Bullying is also a crime now in most states. These are crimes for which you can if you wish call the police and file charges against him. At 17 years of age you do not need to have parental permission.

How to proceed; as I said you can make this a police matter or you can leave it to school authorities to handle. Harassing you and bullying you on the bus should not be tolerated. I would suggest you turn on your cellphone camera to record just before he would start to do this to you. You do not have to actually record him but you need to get his voice recorded and you telling him to stop. Then go to the school principal and play the recording for him or her.

You really shouldn't need the recording to make the complaint but the recording should be all the proof you need to have him removed from the bus. If the school does not take him off the bus then you play the recording for the police.

The recording is all the evidence the police will need to bring charges against this young man. You may wish to speak with your parents about this but I do suggest you bring charges. Young people his age think there age protects them. It does not and the sooner, young men especially, learn this better. Unfortunately some need to learn this the hard way.

Will he go to jail? Doubt full as this will most likely be handled in family court. But his parents are going to need to pay for a lawyer and they are not cheap. He will at the order of the courts probably be ordered into some type of program for youthful offenders and community service. If his parents are good parents they to will make him toe the line and problems for him and hopefully others will stop.

I had an traumatic event as a teenager(I'm now almost 31) which left me with an ongoing problem as far as some of my reproductive organs. I lived with my birth mom at the time and never told her. Her and I have always had a strained relationship. So over the past 5 years or so I've suffered in silence as financially and emotionally I didn't have the resources to have the proper medical care to resolve the issue(not life threatening of course). Since the trauma I had moved out but moved back home. I very. lose to my adoptive mom. I am now ready financially and emotionally to have the surgery. I am having my adoptive mom go with me(I live with my birth mother) and will be staying with my adoptive mom after. I am not going to tell my real mother bout this. So how do I tell her I'm going away for the weekend with out the guilt of lying but not telling her why?

I honestly do not see a problem here. You are an adult of free will. You birth mother or your adoptive mother have no reason to know where you are every minute of every day. If you wish and this, is entirely up to you, just tell your birth mother the truth; "I'm spending the weekend with my adoptive mother." Your not lying as this is true, your just not giving her the full picture. This is all she really needs to know if anything at all.

My son is older than you and single. I don't know where he is every day of the week. He is a firefighter with a work schedule of 24 hrs. on and 72 off. He also has a part-time job as a paramedic and that schedule varies greatly. If I need to talk to him I text him and ask him to call me, if he doesn't get back to me right away I figure he is on a call or he and his girlfriend are busy. If I need him right away for some emergency I add 911 to the text or put a priority on how fast I need to talk to him. We use fire department ambulance transfer codes for priority.

You could make similar arrangements with your birth mother especially if her follow up questions are to the effect. What will you be doing? Where are you two going? Your response is or should then be; "Mom if you need me for something text me."

I'm 13 years old (female, obviously) and my period cycles are really long. I got my period this year during the summer and ever since the second cycle I've had period cycles that last for longer than 7 days. The longest was 13 days. I'm not old enough to see a gynecologist near me about this but I really want to know why my period cycles are longer than usually. Thank you!

I don't know who told you are not old enough to see a gynecologist but they are wrong. Once a female starts menstruating she should see a gynecologist for various reason.

What you are is a year to young to make you own doctor's appointment. At 13 mom still has to make your doctors appointments for anything having to do with your reproductive system. By Federal law called HIPPA at age 14 you may make your own doctors appointments and see any doctor of your choosing for anything related to your reproductive system with full medical confidentiality.

That being said, have you spoken to your mother about the length of your periods. This is nothing to be embarrassed about. This is a bodily function that you and mom share. This is really no different than going to mom with any other illness or problem you might have like constipation.

Mom will know if this is something to be concerned about and whether you need to see a doctor. she can call her GYN and see if he or she wants to see you. So my best advice is to talk to mom. When you turn 14 you can call the doctor on your own to see if something like this requires an office visit with the protection of Federal Law.

I'm going to start babysitting pretty soon and I'm having trouble coming up with how much money I should ask the parents to pay me. Can someone tell me how I can decide what amount it should be? Thanks.

I believe it depends on where you live and the cost of living where you live. I live on the East Coast near a major city such as New York City or Washington, DC. Babysitters here charge as much as $5.00 an hour. The same would be true on the West Coast near cities such as San Diego and San Francisco. I have cousins that live in the Midwest in a rural community whose daughters charge $2.00 to $4.00 an hour depending on the night of the week.

I would suggest you come up with a varying scale based on the night of the week. Friday and Saturday would be more per hour than a Sunday through Thursday and your per hour charge would increase if you had to stay past 11 or 12 in the evening on Friday or Saturday and past 10 Sunday through Thursday.

I think this would be very reasonable, something those who hire you could calculate easily as well as insure they come home by the time they say they will. Your actual charge per hour is something you need to decide upon. The up charge for past a certain hour should be an extra $1.00 and hour.

My mom is really close with my sibling; she's affectionate towards her, they have inside jokes, and they're pretty much mother & daughter goals. My mother isn't that affectionate towards me or even very close with me at all and I don't know why. She's called me so many names and she won't hesitate to hit me or insult me if I'm annoying her or doing something wrong. I get really nervous when she's angry and when her voice sounds the way it does when she's angry. I act pretty stoic, so is that why she's not close with me? Thank you for answering; I could really use the advice!

These types of questions are hard to answer especially since you left out some important information. Which one of you is the older sibling? Are you a male or female? What is the age difference between you two? What are your ages?

These questions are important as they give a bit of insight as to where mom is in her thinking. Frankly it is wrong for a parent to favor one child over another. Unfortunately there are parents like this who not only favor one child over another but create competition between them. My own Aunt was like this with my cousins. To this day, since becoming adults and are now in their 70's, they do not talk or see each other. Please try to avoid this as this is not your sisters doing it is all on mom.

The reason for the question on ages has to do with how large the age gap between you is. If it is more than 4 to 6 years it could mean one of you was planned for and the other wasn't. Mom could favor either one depending on her views. This is still wrong but the difference in age and which one she favors would help to explain things. If it helps any I know how you feel. My father was like you mother as he favored my sister. Nothing I did impressed him did he praise me for. I joined the local volunteer fire department. His attitude was, "Your alerting system is waking me up at night, turn it down."

The best advice I can offer you is this. The problem is not you it is mom. Be respectful and do your best to stay out of the line of fire. School is back in session so concentrate on school work. Spend as much time at the library as you can. The more time you are away from her the less time she can get up on you.

One thing; you mentioned mom hits you. This is wrong. Parents should not hit their kids. If they do hit them the only acceptable hit is a proper spanking. A proper spanking is a spanking not a beating. If a parent hits a child with a closed fist or on the head or shoulders they are guilty of child abuse. If mom is hitting you with a closed fist or slapping you in the face then I suggest you talk with a trusted teacher or your school principal about it. They are required to follow up on things like this and mom will be made aware she cannot touch you in this manner.

Female, 13 – So I've had glasses for almost all of my life, braces for a long time, & my hair is really poofy and thick and wavy and I am super self-conscious about how I look. I feel like nobody will like me as more than a friend unless I get contacts, my braces get taken off, and I go to a salon to get my hair done. How can I feel more positive about how I look? Thanks for answering! And I'm not trying to make people that have braces, glasses, and/or my kind of hair feel bad about how they look. This is just based on MY appearance.

Hey slow down. Your 13 and in the process of going from a caterpillar to a Butterfly. Give your body a chance to catch up with your mind. This is what puberty is all about. A positive self-image begins in your mind.

Getting contacts is something you, your parents and your eye doctor all have to be in agreement about. You start by talking with your parents about getting contacts. If they agree the next step is to talk with your eye doctor. Now even if your eye doctor approves bear in mind that contacts are not for everyone. So don't build yourself up to the point it is a big let down if you find the contacts are two irritating to wear.

Going to a salon to get your hair done is not a bad idea as long as mom approves of what you want done. Salon styling is expensive and something I think if you want it bad enough you can save for out of your allowance or babysitting money if you babysit.

As for the braces they will eventually come off and you will have a beautiful smile and a retainer to help keep that smile. To take the braces off before the job is finished would be wrong. Those kids whose parents can afford braces for their children are lucky not all kids that need braces have parents that can afford them. Insurance only covers about half the cost.

As to a positive self-image; this is all up to you. It starts by not listening to anyone about what they think you should look like, especially at your age. Everyone is to into image these days and frankly they end up harming themselves trying to look older or prettier than they are.

There's an old saying about beauty which is that it is only skin deep. This is true. The real you, which from your writing I can tell is a very compassionate loving person lies just below the skin. This is the person you want people to meet and like. Not some painted made up image.

If getting contacts and getting your hair done will help you feel better about yourself then by all means talk to your parents about doing so but stop there and let nature take it's course. Just tell yourself that you are the best person you need to be today and you will be a better person tomorrow.

That is a takeoff on a motto I have used for most of my life to motivate me. I made my living in sales a marketing. Motivation was always a contest to be better than the next guy. I never worried about being better than anyone else. They only one I had to be better than was me. so my motto was; The only person I have to be better than tomorrow is the person I am today.

That motto stood me very well as I was always in the top 1% of sales in my company. You may use that motto if you wish. Never try to be something your not for people will see through it and it is why you will have trouble making friends. Just be yourself.

what can be done to reduce penis erection without having sex

in general if you can find a place for some privacy where you will not be disturbed or intruded upon. The best way to get rid of an erection is to masturbate to a climax.

Now if this is during the day and say you are at school then your erection may be an involuntary erection. something that happens to all boys as they go through puberty. There is not a lot you can do about these erection. Girls have the same problems with their nipples getting hard and poking through their bras and shirts or blouses.

The best thing to do in this instance is to hold you books in front of you and to try and concentrate on something like sports box scores or school work. Your erection will subside on its own but will return many times during the day whether you are thinking of sex or looking at a pretty girl or pretty teacher. It is all part of teenage males life as he goes through puberty.

How long do u wait to use the bathroom I wait like maybe 30 min I was still in the position.. After he came ...he got rite off how soon will u notice signs I never been pregnant

There is no tried and true answer to this question. It diffusers for woman to woman. some notice changes as early as 10 days. Others may not notice a difference until they actually miss a period.

What I suggest is if you don't start to have morning sickness, notice a change in your breasts, size and nipple sensitivity, that you purchase a home test kit. Follow the directions on the package as to when to test after your last intercourse when fertile, which would be between the 7th and 21st day of your cycle.

If the home test is positive then make an appointment with your GYN for a pregnancy exam.

Hey, so I'm an MMA fighter, been training for four months. I am recently grading for my black belt, which would be this Saturday. Before I do, my parents want me to show them my forms that is needed to get my black belt. The problem is I don't feel comfortable doing it JUST for them. It's nothing against them, it's just that I don't like when my parents judge me. They say they won't pay until I show them, but it's really out of my comfort level. What do I do? Thanks

If you are under 18, which I believe you are there is not much you can do. You most likely need parental permission to take the classes and they are paying for them.

As long as you are a minor the amount of freedom you have is totally dependent on the amount of freedom your parents wish to allow you. In this instance it appears to me you parents what to see and judge before allowing you to proceed.

When I say judge I don't believe they wish to judge your performance or ability. I believe as any other parent might they wish to judge the overall safety of the program and what moving to the next level entails. This is called good parenting and I and others on this sight will never fault a parent for being good parents and watching out for their children's safety.

Since I sincerely believe your parents will not be judging you but judging the program. My suggestion is you do as they ask. They have allowed you to proceed this far and what some assurances that by allowing you to proceed farther will not be harmful to you in anyway. As a parent that is what I would be looking for.

Just a question: Have you thought to ask your parents why it is important to perform for them? I think you should consider asking them if you have not. I believe you will be surprised that there reason will be close to what I have told you.

Several months before I met my current partner, I made out with someone (let's call him Tom) who I later learned had chlamydia. I didn't think anything of it at the time, because I figured there was no way I could get oral chlamydia from making out with someone.

However, now that I am with someone else I am worried that I did, in fact, receive chlamydia from Tom. My logic is this; if Tom received chlamydia from a previous partner, it is probable that they have engaged in oral sex, during which he could have picked up oral chlamydia from the girl's genital chlamydia. Then I suppose it is possible that he could pass on the oral chlamydia to me through mouth to mouth contact, and then I could have passed it on to my current partner.

I haven't spoken to my current partner about this because I never even thought about this possibility until now (I have bad health anxiety and these thoughts come to me randomly). I don't know what to do. I'm really nervous and I'm not sure if it's even possible to get chlamydia through making out, much less what I should do. Any advice?

Thank you.

The CDC notes that there is not good information about how contagious pharyngeal chlamydia is. It is theoretically possible to get chlamydia from kissing, but it would be highly unlikely. Nor can you get it from sitting in the same seat as them or hugging them. You get it from oral, anal, and vaginal sex; genital-genital contact; sharing sex toys; and from birth to an infected mother.

Based on the above information depending on your definition of "Making Out", it is unlikely you could give someone Chlamydia if you have it. This brings up another subject most people never know they have this disease, which is easily cured with antibiotics. Since you are concerned you might have it you should ask your doctor to screen you for it. Not knowing can jeopardize the possibility of you ever being able to have children.

In a previous post you say you are 19 which means your an adult and have medical privacy. Even if you are still on your parents health insurance any doctors visit is totally confidential. Your parents cannot be told why you have seen the doctor, what you were examined and treated for. I could pay your medical bills and it would not entitle me to see your medical records without your expressed permission in writing to the doctor. The same is true for your parents.

My advice is to see your doctor and be tested for STD"S which would show if you have Chlamydia. Just to be safe make sure to tell the doctor you think you may have been exposed to Chlamydia.

My friend and I just fought over something that happened weeks ago. Apparently she never let it go and felt she had to bring it up again. She won't leave me alone and keeps texting me about it and I'm getting sick of it. What should I do?

There are people in this world who for unknown reasons like to harbor grudges. Age doesn't really matter as people who hold onto a grudge know no age restriction.

The best advice I can give you is to try and patch things up with her. Apologize even if what you fought over isn't your fault. Most people who hold onto a grudge do so because they feel they are the wronged party. By apologizing you correct that feeling.

When and if you do as I suggest and she continues to hold a grudge then simply ignore. There is no law or rule that says you must read or respond to her texts. If you don't respond then she will soon tire of a one sided fight.

It's my last year of high school and I regret one thing, I regret staying in my one group of friends (two people) and not branching out and befriending other people, I mean I've made many acquaintances but the relationship never becomes at least a friendship. Long story short the friends that I came into high school with aren't the friends I'm leaving high school with, one of the friends completely cut me off she was never really my friend I knew she was waiting for an opportunity to cut me out of her life and she finally did last year. The other friend is my friend but we only talk in school, last time we hung out in public was at her birthday last year. Now it's my last year and I feel like a total loser I have no social life, I'm always home and I barely have any friends. I know I should be greatful for the ones I have but how would you like it if you had friends and they always made you feel left out or the third wheel? It's like a cycle with me ever since elementary school I've always been that third friend to two best friends. Nobody has considered me they're best friend and if they have they have another friend who they'd call their sister, so it's like the "best friend" title is pointless. Like I've tried making different friends but like I said earlier the relationship never passes the acquaintance stage. Here's some background info on me I'm almost 17, female I am socially awkward and have socially anxiety people complain that I talk too quiet but I don't understand it's like when I'm around people I don't know too well I feel uncomfortable, my eyes feel like they're gonna cross and I start to stutter (I've never had a stutter before) also I don't have any guy friends, the ones that I do are from my elementary school so they don't really count. My school is basically a school where if you're attractive, people will approach you no matter what and everyone will know your name or want to be friends with you, if you're not attractive like me you're basically fighting to fit in, or at least get someone to talk to you. (but that's for another story) anyways please give me some tips on how to make friends and how to make my speech better because it wasn't this bad till I started high school, in elementary school boys made fun of me saying my voice was too deep (this was before they hit puberty) ever since then I stopped talking and now people complain that I'm monotone, soft-spoken and mumble. It's like I can never win

High school friends are just that they rarely last past high school. I have made the following suggestion to others who have written back and thanked me as they have tried it and made new friends and entered relationships.

What you need to do is sit down with pan and paper and make a list of all the things you like to do. List everything no matter how relevant you may think it is, Reading, writing, cooking, hiking, camping, fishing, photography so on and so forth. If you are religious put on the list any religious activities you might be interested in.

once you have your list number them from one to the end. Then take your top 5 and look to see what organized clubs or activities there are for these interests and go to the meetings or outings. Continue down the list until you find two or three groups or however many you have time to join.

Looks or sex appeal are strictly for attrition. To have a relationship you have to go beyond the looks. The most beautiful person in the world can be an empty shell and be very popular but never have any real relationships. When two people have something in common the person behind the looks come out and that is the person you end up having relationships with; falling in love with, not just the person's looks.

I also tell people sex and sex appeal attract; though one day you wake up and find you have nothing to talk about and the relationship goes down the tubes. When you share mutual interests relationships grow as does the love. Sex is an outgrowth of love and when there is love the sex will always be there and grow with the love.

I complained about this since grade 10, I'm in grade 12 now and I haven't felt this lonely before. I'm almost 17 and I've never had a boyfriend, never had a first kiss and boys rarely hug me too. It's like I repel boys or something all my friends through my high school career have had at least one boyfriend and I can't even get a guy to say hi to me. My little sister who's in grade 10 attracts more boys than me she told me a boy offered to walk her to class but she declined and another boy was playing with her hair and another boy was mad that he didn't get to sit beside her. Also my dad is putting pressure on me saying for prom he wants me with a date otherwise it'll look like I'm a lesbian to his friends. I keep on telling him that none of the boys like me and it's true because I'd always hear boys call me "burst" or "beat" which is slang for ugly. My friends that are obsessed with makeup always beg me to wear makeup too and my mom begs me to wear powder even though I have clear skin. Also I'm average weight I weigh 130 and a little curvy so I'm not overweight either. Here's more background on me I'm socially awkward and whenever I'd have a crush on a guy i would avoid them completely. Some boys used to say they thought I hated them because I gave them a dirty look but I just have chronic bitch face syndrome (Which is what Kanye west has, meaning he never smiles) some boys even thought I was awkward around them when I'm just an awkward person. What could be the problem with me? Even the kids who don't talk to anyone ended up in a relationship like what the heck? The older I get the more embarrassing it is for me to admit that I've never even kissed anyone before. Also do you have any suggestions where I could meet guys my age because the ones at my school are douchebags :) thank you if you read all of this

One way to meet a boy that you can get to know before you actually meet is through a dating site but I think your too young to use them and it is just not right for you at this time.

Another way to meet people and have relationships is through mutual interest where you can have a conversation over something you are both interested in and the sex appeal is secondary or not relevant at the time.

I have made the following suggestion to others who have written back and thanked me as they have tried it and made new friends and entered relationships.

Ps. I'm old enough to be your grandfather so tell your father I said to get off your back; you don't need the pressure. He can deal with his friends. You know what your sexuality is and it is none of his or anyone else's business if you were a lesbian, which you are not. I think it is horrible he would say something like that to you.

What you need to do is sit down with pan and paper and make a list of all the things you like to do. List everything no matter how relevant you may think it is, Reading, writing, cooking, hiking, camping, fishing, photography so on and so forth. If you are religious put on the list any religious activities you might be interested in.

Once you have your list number them from on to the end. Then take your top 5 and look to see what organized clubs or activities there are for those interest and go to the meetings or outings. Continue down the list until you find two or three groups or however many you have time to join.

Looks or sex appeal are strictly for attrition. To have a relationship you have to go beyond the looks. The most beautiful person in the world can be an empty shell and be very popular but never have any real relationships. When two people have something in common the person behind the looks come out and that is the person you end up falling in love with not just the person's looks. As I say sex attracts but one day you wake up and find you have nothing to talk about and the relationship goes down the tubes, But if you share mutual interests the sex remains as the love grows.

I'm 19 going on 20 in 4 months time my boyfriend is 27 my mom has met him once and we live in different cities we would like to get married but I have a over protective/alcoholic crazy father what do I do to get him to accept it ?

Fathers in general believe that their daughters will always be there little girl even when they are all grown up and have families of their own. Having an overprotective father who happens to be an alcoholic adds another dimension to the situation.

Before we go into that I would be remiss if I didn't ask these questions. I would be hypocritical if I said knowing some for such a short time is rushing things. My wife and I only knew each other a couple of months longer and we married before the first year was up. That was 45 years ago this past July.

I recommend that if he asks you to marry you accept but that you live together for a few years. I have a feeling marriage for you is an escape from an overprotective father. My sister married for this reason and her marriage ended in divorce after 2 children and 8 years. I would rather you are not hurt this way.

Think about what I have written and make the best choice for you.

What I question is having such an overprotective father:

1: Could you be rushing to the altar to get away from him?

The 7 year difference in your age is not all that big a deal:

2: One must ask given how young you are is this man a first love?

These are two very important questions that I urge you to think about before you jump into a marriage. You are young and as I will point out below there are other ways to handle an alcoholic over protective father.

The first thing I would like you to do is to go to the following website:

http://al-anon.alateen.org/local-meetings

This is the locator page for meeting places for the support groups Al-Anon and Alateen. These groups help people like you and your mom deal with someone who is an alcoholic or addicted to other substances. These are support groups for the families just as AA is a support group for the addicted. These people between them have probably dealt with just about all there is to deal with. Through them you can learn to deal with an addictive overprotective father for part of his problem is the addiction. As someone still in her teens you can chose between Al-Anon or Alateen meetings.

Another alternative to marriage which your father cannot stop you from doing as you are an adult now and legally have free will. Is to move in with your boyfriend and live together for a few years before you marry. Even back 45 years ago living together was starting to be the thing to do before marriage. Today it is an accepted practice.

So my bedroom door keeps opening by itself. Usually just a little, but the other day it's been doing a lot. I'm atheist, I like to believe in science. Although I do have a tiny spiritual side. I'm jusr wondering if it's normal or...?

I can explain what is probably happening using science and one word, "Convection;" The theory of air movement from warm to cold or cold to warm. This is how must of us heat or cool our homes through CONVECTION.

Because we use convection to use our homes there is always a slight current of air movement in our homes. Then add to this any real differential pressure between indoors and out and the current of air movement can increase which could cause your door to open more. If it was windy out and the wind was coming from just the right direction your room could have been slightly more negatively pressured which would allow for more air movement into your room. This air movement is something we are accustomed to so we hardly notice it.

In short yes this is normal and science can and has proved it.

<<< Previous Advice Column

Next Advice Column >>>