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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.
advice
On the first day of my college theater class, the professor split us up into groups of about five or six people and told us that we were going to spend the semester working on a project together. The project was to choose a scene from any play to perform on the last day of class for our final exam. Everyone in the group had a job to do and each job was due on a different date in the semester. Other than acting, the jobs were set design, makeup design, costume design, and lights. All of those only had to be done of paper though and some people had to act and do one of these jobs.
We were all supposed to be a team and be equals, but this girl named Leslie acted like she was the group leader and started assigning us jobs when we were supposed to get to choose what we did. Most people didn't let her push them around like that, but I didn't really care much what job I did so I didn't complain when she suggested that I do the costume designs. It was kind of weird though because it was obvious that she wanted to do them, but she wanted to do the makeup designs as well and she couldn't do both or I wouldn't have had a job.
The costume designs were due in October and about a week before they were to be turned in, someone in the group asked me how they were coming. Leslie answered and said she hadn't started them yet. The other person clarified to her that the costume designs were my job and she said that she'd gotten that confused.
On the day the costume designs were due, I did them and turned them in, not knowing that Leslie had done her own and turned them in as well. Our professor didn't let us know that he had two costume designs from the same group and we never figured it out. Then in November when the makeup were due, he didn't have any designs from our group because Leslie had gotten our jobs mixed up again.
Then, after every part of the assignment was due except the acting, our professor gave us a sheet of paper with the grades we'd gotten so far on all the different parts of the project. We didn't have a grade for the makeup designs and Leslie looked at me and asked me if I'd finished them yet. I said I was in charge of the costume designs, but she argued and said she had done them. Luckily, the rest of the group took my side and insisted that the costumes WERE my job and she admitted she was wrong and said she'd due the makeup designs after class. Then just a second later, she decided that she didn't want to and asked me to do them instead since she'd already done the costume designs. I was irritated because I too had already done the costumes and I was the one who was actually supposed to do so while she was the one who screwed up. Still, being the giant push over I am, I said okay and agreed to do them.
I put my own butt on the line by doing so because makeup designs were so overdue and when I turned them in, it was going to look like I was the one in who was supposed to do them and forgot. None the less, I was willing to clean up her mess because our group was counting on that grade. Our final grade for the class was going to be our group grade for the project and a missing grade could bring us all down from say an A average to a B.
Leslie took the makeup designs from me when I brought them to class and when she handed them to the professor, I heard her say that WE had gotten confused about what jobs we each were supposed to do. WE didn't get confused about jack squat, SHE was the only one who couldn't keep straight what job she was in charge of. I'd let it slide if we didn't also get graded on how well we worked together and communicated as a group. Leslie's lie could have gotten us all docked a letter grade despite how hard I worked to save all of our butts from that very thing. That combined with the fact that the makeup designs were late probably did bring us down a lot.
My professor has given us all a chance to come to him with any complaints we have about our group members. So my question is should I tell him about Leslie? If I do, I might sound like a whiney little tattle tail and if Leslie gives him a different story, I might also sound like a liar. If I don't however, we could all get lower grades because of Leslie and her screw up, not to mention her throwing us all under the bus. I might as well have not done the makeup designs, but rather told her to do them herself as it wouldn't have hurt our grades any worse than what she's don has. So WDYT? Should I be a tattle tail and tell on her or let us all hang and do nothing about it? Also, I'm sorry about the length of this question. I really didn't think this would take this long to explain.
I agree with Razhie in that you should wait until the grades are posted. If you and the rest in your group feel that Leslie's actions have caused you all to get an unfair grade then you all as a group should approach the professor. The other alternative is to approach the professor now as a group and explain as a group what has happened if you feel once grades are posted the professor won't change them.
You must go as a group for two reason.
1. You are correct if you go alone it is your word against hers and the professor may not believe either one of you. This could affect the entire groups grade even more.
2. Again since the grade affects everyone going to the professor as a group minus Leslie does support you. It says that Leslie did not keep straight the assignments she gave out and poorly supervised the work. This may affect the grade as to how the group worked together but may offset the late submission of work which could be worse in the eyes of the professor.
Discuss this with the others a chose a course of action.
When I was around the age of 10 I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder, but I'd say I've had it all my life. Every year it got worse, when I was 12 I had my first panic attack and ever since I've had them badly. I am now 16 and I can't leave the house because of my anxiety and panic attacks. I just feel so alone and hopeless and I don't know what to do, I was wondering if anyone had any tips or advice for how to get through anxiety. Thanks in advance!!
Anxiety and anxiety attacks are real, they are also something we as advisors cannot truly help you with as it is one of the most complex disorders there is. The problem is finding the root cause of your anxiety. when it comes to anxiety and panic attacks the root cause can be a smell, or an object or even a time of day. It could be something so repressed that you are not even aware of it.
The best way I know to deal with it is:
1. See you family doctor and for a complete physical and screening for depression. Depression anxiety and panic attacks usually go together. The physical is to make sure there is nothing organic causing your problem.
2. As your doctor for a referral to a good psychologist who specializes is these problems. You need to find one you are comfortable with that you would be willing to tell your deepest and darkest secrets to if you want to get to the root cause of the problem.
You should know nothing you say in therapy with the Psychologist can get back to anyone. Not your family doctor or your parents without your expressed written permission. Everything you say stays in the room between you and the psychologist.
If your not comfortable with the first psychologist you see, say so. They will help you find someone you are comfortable with. since you are female I suggest you look for a female.
3. Work hard with the therapist even if it is painful. The harder you work the better chance of success. This I can attest to for I worked with a psychologist to get past a bout of depression. She keeps telling me it was all my hard work. Frankly I credit her for getting me to talk about and admitting to things I would never have done if it was not for her.
If you do this I am highly confident you can get past this and learn what the triggers are. Once you know what triggers the panic attacks and the anxiety you can learn how to deal with them and keep them from happening.
Years ago when I was around the age of 13 going on 14, I was friends with this guy (he was 17). We both had a group of mutual friends, so we camped out one night. Me and him were in the same side of the tent, and he started kissing me, which I was okay with, and we did other stuff, which I was also okay with. Then he asked me if I was a virgin and, of course, I said yes because I was, and I wanted it to stay that way! I told him that I was, and he said ''we won't have sex then'' and I said ''okay''. A few seconds later he put it in anyway, and I had no idea what to do. It took me a while to realise what was happening (I was a virgin, I didn't know what sex felt like!), and when I did I started panicking, I had no idea what to do, I thought it was too late to tell him to stop. So we ended up having sex, and when we eventually finished, I cried myself to sleep, and the next day I rushed home as quick as possible, not telling anyone. And the very next day I felt so ashamed of myself that I did it again, I slept with him, again. I've been beating myself up about it and I take my virginity very seriously, before then I had a purity ring! I started to feel very depressed after that, and I tried to kill myself. Every time I think about it I cringe, panic and cry. How do I stop thinking about it? Did I lose my virginity to him or was he taking advantage of me? Please help!!
The first time was rape and the second time might be considered consensual but for the fact you were under the age of consent which make it statutory rape in any case. Yes you lost your virginity.
How do you stop thinking about it. For one thing you need some type of closure for this boy took something from you and violated you. Most states have a five years statute of limitation on rape and maybe longer on statutory rape. If 5 years have not passed you can still charge him with rape. something you should consider for that is what happened.
When women is raped they feel they did something wrong and few ever report the rape especially a date rape like yours. I can assure you that you did nothing wrong. You were raped and you are the injured party and you should demand justice be served.
I suggest you call this number and talk with one of their counselors 1-800-656-HOPE. This is the sexual Assault Line for an organization called RAINN which stands for Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network. The call is free and totally confidential. They can offer you more help in their one on one conversation than I or we can in this medium. Call them please I know they can help you.
I'm 14 years old and I'm in love. The guy is older but we plan on getting married and having all of six kids together. I want to wait until we get married to have sex but he says he's not gonna wait that long. I know he's the one for me and I know that we will work out because I just know, but, the thought of me being a virgin and him not being one just kills me. He's very honest and he told me that he isn't a virgin but I'm scared of being judged. What if I don't do it right? What if he ends up having sex with someone else because I wont give it to him? I'm terrified and I just cant get hurt again right now. I'm sorry this was so long but thank you for your time.
First: You are way to young to be having sex your body is just not ready.
Second: And probably firs as well. Any guy that says you must have sex with him to prove your love or you must have sex with him or he will find someone who will have sex with him. THAT GUY DOES NOT LOVE YOU, HE LUSTS FOR YOU.
You don't say how much older he is but young men in their teens to early twenties confuse lust and love. TO them lust and love are synonymous which is just not true.
Third: At 14 years of age this is very much a first love and yes it feels real. The chances of a high school romance actually end up marrying are about 5%. It may last while you two are still in school together. Once he goes off to college he will find other girls and you will find other boys. It just happens in 95% of the time.
If as I feel he is lusting for you and is demanding sex to show your love this is not a reason to give him your virginity or to have sex with him at all. In fact it is a reason to dump him and find someone who will respect you and wait with you until you are older and properly mature enough to have sex. At 14 regardless of how mature you feel you just do not possess the maturity needed to have a sex life.
Hey, I'm 16 and currently freaking out. My period has always been irregular by about a week and now it's 10 days late. I've commenced freaking out. I'm sexually active with my boyfriend of whom I've been dating for a year and we're both very mature. Although, I have never ever had unprotected vaginal sex. Also we've never had a condom break before. I've done a lot of research and the only symptom of pregnancy I have is that my period is late. I can't get a pregnancy test until Monday and it's Saturday. So it's a long time away. Also, perhaps stress or illness has to do with the fact that my period is late? Also to note, I have smoked marijuana occasionally over the past year and a half but recently I began smoking everyday to help with anxiety and please don't tell me it's bad ect. Could this have to do with my period being late? Someone please help me I'm stressing
BINGO; Stress, anxiety and the pot smoking all add up to missing a period. Anxiety is the number one cause of a woman missing her period followed by stress then illness and antibiotic drugs. Illegal drugs such as put and opiates will also effect your cycle.
My suggestion is you stop smoking pot it is not going to help you with your anxiety. If you have anxiety problems see a doctor and find out what the cause of those problems are and get proper treatment. The anxiety is the most probable cause of your stress.
While I don't believe you are pregnant get a home pregnancy test and follow the directions on the box as to when to take the test. A negative result will help relieve the anxiety and stress. If by chance you get a positive result don't freak out as you may be testing too soon and there are more false positives than false negatives. Wait ten days and test again with a different brand of kit.
I am 17, female. I have a coworker, about 20, male, and I am wondering about conversation topics I can bring up. Just to clarify, there is NOTHING romantic about our relationship. At our job, we aren't allowed to talk much, but we can have short conversations here and there. Right now, he always starts the conversation with a question, generally something like "how is school going?" or "do you have any plans for the weekend?". I respond to his questions, but I can never come up with anything to continue the conversation, it is always him. I am kind of socially awkward, and it's really hard for me to carry on conversations, so I'm just wondering if anyone can suggest some questions I can ask, because I feel awkward that he always has to direct the conversation.
There are times in a conversation you can take your lead from him. He asks you what your plans are for the weekend; you tell him your plans. Then you ask what his plans are. Maybe he replies he and some buddies are going camping or fishing. If you like to go camping then you have a basis on which to take. You say you love to camp and go on from there.
Maybe you are going to see a movie. when he asks what your doing this weekend you tell him your plans then ask him if he has seen the movie and what did he think of it.
seeing a movie that has been out for a while is also a good conversation starter. You could start a conversation by saying, my boyfriend is taking me to see this movie, have you seen it yet.
Ask about his hobbies. Maybe he has a hobby you like then you have something in common to talk about. Is he married then ask about his wife.
I happen to like to cook, I find it very relaxing. Maybe he likes to cook and maybe you do. Then you have something in common and you two can exchange recipe ideas.
Try to find out things that you have in common and the conversation will make itself.
Tl;dr:
Met this guy online. Went on three dates talked to him for a total of 2 months (including dates). And it was PERFECT. Didn't sleep with him. He said he couldn't dedicate time to the relationship so we should call it off but he still really likes hanging with me. Can't stop thinking about him, it's been 2 weeks no communication. Should I text him?
Long version: second date he kissed me. Third date he he'd my hand and we got really coupley really fast. He does work a lot. Goes to work at 8. Gets out around 9. We could only meet up once a week because of his schedule. The last date we went on he said he wanted to hang the following weekend and never contacted me. Then Tuesday he said he was to busy to start something new and it wouldn't be fair because he doesn't have the energy. Though he really liked hanging out with me. I said I understood, but I can't get him off my mind and I haven't talked to him in 2 weeks. Also.... I have a work holiday party coming up I was hoping he would be my date to. But then it all ended. Should I text him!? Or do you think his excuse was just a cop out and he really just lost interest?
I cannot say if this is a cop out or something else. What I will say is whatever it is it does not pass the smell test as in something is fishy here. If I want to be with someone I don't stand them up and I find the time. My thoughts tend to lean towards he is otherwise involved with someone or even a married guy.
My advise is to forget him and move on. If he does contact you again and you want to have a relationship with him you tell him just that. You tell him until he is ready to commit to an upfront relationship where you two go out in public. Where he makes time to see more than once a week and he never again stands you without calling you. Until then he should not contact you as you will not have anything to do with him until he is ready to give you and a relationship his full attention.
If he is not willing to do this then I can only see you getting hurt. He is just one in a sea of men who I'm sure would be more than willing to invest the proper time into seeing if a relationship can be made with you. You deserve a man's full attention and should never settle for anything less.
I feel bad saying this, but my dad's family is full of selfish, unloving jerks who leave me out and make me feel like I'm not even part of the family. My own grandmother, my cousins, and my other extended relatives treat me like I'm nothing. It's hurtful and I don't understand why they have to be like this, but I'm sick of it and wish it would stop.
The thing is that they don't treat my dad or my sister like this, just me and my mom. My grandmother is the one who really sucks and my sister does actually have to put up with her crap on occasion. I don't know of a person other than my dad and cousins who don't.
There are a few reasons I can think of that might be like this. The first is that they weren't very happy when my parents announced that my mom was pregnant with me. Both of my uncles only had one child and my grandmother seemed to like that because when she went to visit a grandchild, she could have one on one time with that grandkid without another one being in the way. I ruined that for her when I was born. She only had a year and a half with my older sister before that happened. I also think she wanted me to be a boy and thought it was stupid that my parents had two girls.
The last reason I can think of that they may be like this is because they hate my mom and my mom doesn't like them either. My grandmother's like a cat. She doesn't just GIVE you love (at least not much), you have to earn it even if your her grandkid. One way she wants me and my sister to earn her love is by treating our mom and other grandparents like dirt. When we didn't was when my sister got on her bad side and when I got one more strike against myself.
They leave me out of everything including things that I SHOULD be a part of and my dad doesn't do anything about it. My mom's family never leaves my dad out of anything. He's always invited to come visit them any time the rest of us are and I have one uncle who buys us all plane tickets to come see him. The was one time he wasn't invited to go to dinner with my mom, granddad, and uncle when my uncle was in town, but neither was my sister or I. It was because they had to talk to my mom about something important that they didn't want to talk about in front of us. They were talking about taking my grandmother off of life support and wanted to break that news to us after they decided whether they'd do it or not. My dad was butt hurt about not being invited though and kept talking about how weird that was. Then when his daily leaves me or my mom out, he helps them and thinks it's weird if my mom and I are upset about it. He's like, "Why do need to be invited? That's weird. You always think it's weird when you're not invited somewhere?"
I still live near my parents which is about an hour from my grandmother. My sister lives about ten hours away. When she comes to town, my grandmother invites us all to come see her. If she's not in town, then only my dad's invited and doesn't tell us he's going until right before he leaves. Yesterday, he and they had thanksgiving without us while my mom and I had it with my granddad. The fact that they didn't want us at their FAMILY thanksgiving makes me feel unloved, especially since they'd have wanted my sister there. My own grandmother could Cate less about seeing me unless she gets to see my sister too.
I'd understand if I was an a$$ hole to her too, but I'm not. We went to my sister's place for Thanksgiving last year and I gave up my usual bedroom for her. We went through a lot of trouble just so she COULD go with us last year and this is what we get for that? We have thrown birthday parties for her before and yet she won't even acknowledge my birthday or my mom's. She doesn't reciprocate anything we do for her.
The MOST hurtful thing she's even done was back in January. My parents were out of town and my granddad had to have emergency surgery to repair a hole in his intestines. While I was in the waiting room, I used my phone to look up his prognosis on the internet. I found out it wasn't good and then a doctor came in a told me that his chances were very small. He said he had a horrible infection, his kidneys had shut down (a sign of death), and his blood pressure was out of control.
My grandmother called (only because my dad asked her to) to ask if I wanted her to come down. I needed someone bad. My parents had a twelve hour drive home, my uncle's were on the way, but wouldn't be here for hours, and long story short, my friends were all out of town. She was the only person who could be there and I told her that I did want her to come down. She tried to get out of it, but I kept telling her that I really needed someone there. She said she'd come, but she called me back a couple of hours later and said she'd decided not to after all. I needed her more than I ever had in my life and she couldn't have cared less.
My mom and I went to visit my sister last weekend and she said something that I've thought about myself before. It's the ugliest thing I've ever said before and I'm ashamed to feel this way, but we both feel that we lost the wrong grandmother. Our late maternal grandmother was an angel and wouldn't treat her worst enemy as rudely as the grandmothet we still have treats her own grandkids.
I guess my question is, why is my grandmother lime this and what, if anything, can I do about it?
I wish I had a good answer for you, I don't. The best answer I can give you is an old saying in that; "The sins of the parents are often visited on the children."
Since you appear to be in your early 20s I would say that saying is appropriate based on what you have written. For some reason your grandmother has decided to blame you for your parents doing something she didn't want them to do. It is not your fault it is your grandmothers’ problem only.
You should still love her and honor her for being your grandmother. The fact that she does not show you her love means you just have to be the bigger person and show her the love of a grandchild. She won't understand but again that is her problem. As for your dad not telling you about things he is doing with his mom. Maybe he is trying to keep the hurt to a minimum. After all she is his mother and I'm sure he loves her as you love your mom.
It is not only grandparents or Aunts and Uncles that play this game. My Aunt did this with my two cousins. My oldest cousin could have been Miss America if it was truly judged on beauty alone. My Aunt doted on her and her son got the leftovers.
Today her son is a very successful and well respected Attorney. Her daughter is married to a man that can't seem to keep a business a float and needs his son to bail him out. TO this day brother and sister do not talk to each other one is 75 and the other is 72. I talk to both and they never ask about the other all because of what their mother did to them.
Don't let this happen to you and your family. Be the bigger person and just ignore her insulting way. Do as I said; honor her for being who she is, your grandmother. Your parents and extended family will take notice of this I'm sure and you will benefit in the long run.
I am a female in my early 20s and I have been dating this guy, Trevor, in a different city than me for a while so I typically spend my whole weekend up there so I spend a lot of time with his roommates, Brent and Riley. Trevor and I went camping with his roommates not too long ago and I realized that I click with his roommate Riley way better than I do with Trevor. Since then Riley and I have become super good friends and innocently chat all the time. I can tell that he knows we have strong chemistry too and Trevor knows it and gives me a hard time about it. How do I handle this? Do I confront the situation with Riley or just stick with Trevor?
(Names changed for privacy!)
The thing about dating is to find out about each other to see if your compatible. To see if a romance can start and if a commitment can be made. You say you and Trevor are dating, you say nothing about romance or if a commitment is in the offering. In fact you say more about Riley then you do Trevor.
While I cannot tell you what to do. From my view of just what you have written, you are building a stronger relationship with Riley without even going out with him. You have formed, call it, a love triangle where somebody or everybody in the end is going to be hurt.
Someone is going to be hurt because of the situation and it is very possible you will all be hurt if Riley decides that his friendship with Trevor is more important than a relationship with you. What you have to decide is if you want to ignore your feelings for Riley and continue dating Trevor or talk, with Trevor and see if he wants to take your relationship beyond the chatting stage.
If he does then to be fair to Trevor you must break it off with him. This will create an awkward situation for you and Riley as Trevor being Riley roommate is still in the picture.
You have a lot to think about and you should make a choice for right now you are not being fair to either of them.
I've had these annoying white spots on my scrotum for the longest time now. They are basically these hard white lumps in the skin and sometimes they kind of come to a head like a pimple and you can squeeze them out like a pimple and this white stringy stuff comes out. Although usually this doesn't happen. Usually they stay hard and under a couple layers of skin. Sometimes especially if you squeeze a spot a couple of times it swells up and I have to pop it to relieve the pain. To do this you have to dig through the skin to get at them. Sometimes you can dig the whole lump out ( under a couple layers of skin it's like this little white ball, the wall of it is skin and the white stuff inside is like this pimple material stuff it's not like puss material it's almost like a stringy whitehead material) If I dig/cut the ball out intact from the skin surrounding/over it it's like a hard ball and if I take my nail and push down on it you can hear it pop and all the material out of it. If I don't dig it out complete I take a sewing needle and poke through the skin and into this "sac" and it pokes a hole in it and if I squeeze it after finally poking a hole into it the white material comes out. So basically these things are like hard white sacs underneath the skin. From what I can find online(I've never had a doctor look at them) they are called fordyce spots) from what I read they form when a hair follicle spot is empty due to hair not growing or forming in it and sweat and stuff gets in it and that's what forms these hard white sacs deep under the skin that I have. There is a lot of them, my whole scrotum is pretty much covered in them.they look skin color to where you can't notice them really until you feel them and they just feel like hard bumps..I guess almost like papuels (hard forms of pimples) but what I was wondering is if anyone else has had these or has these or have seen them. Also does anyone know how these are gotten rid of for good or if they do ever all go away perminately? Because it seems like no matter how many I pop or get out/rid of they come back or the amount of them doesn't go down? Any help or advice is appreciated thank you! I'm a 23 year old male, and have had these for a couple years now. I know they aren't harmful but they are annoying and kind of embarrassing when they hurt and I did them out and I end up with scabs from the digging, I am embarrassed to have a girl see that.
First off STOP SQUEEZING THEM OR RUPTURING THEM YOURSELF. I'm not sure what they are but I am sure they are not pimples or what you think they are.
I had something very similar show up just over my shoulder blade. My doctor first ruptured it by squeezing it and puss shot out like a pimple. Then she had me come back a week later and went in with a scalpel for the remainder which was a lot like the hard stuff you speak of. This she told me was fibrous material and would grow back if the root was not dug out. She sent me to a surgeon who decided to wait and see if it grew back it hasn't which I assume means my family doctor got enough of the root to stop it from regrowing.
I can't say for certain this is what you as for 1 thing I am not a doctor and for another I can't see what you have. What I suggest is you see a doctor. Either a dermatologist or your family doctor. I do not think what you have are ingrown hairs or empty hair sockets.
If you shave down there I would suggest you stop until after you see a doctor. This is one area of your body where it is better to be safe than sorry so see a doctor.
my weight is 55. before it was 49, i have a gained a lot of weight in last 2 months. sudden weight gain. i assume thats because of all junk food. i want to lose weight. so i have started exercising. i do 30 crunches, 20 reverse crunches, 30 squats,30 sec plank hold and 20 bicycles every day. i miss out one day in between sometimes. and sometimes i do it twice a day. how many days would it probably take me to lose weight with the exercise plan that im following? i know i have to cut down on junk food. im trying my level best. its been 6 days since ive started the workout plan. my trouble areas are my hips, arms and belly. also are there any exercises to lose cheek fat?
I cannot offer diet advice without having a full picture of your weight profile. Height, age and frame size are important. A weight of 55 pounds seems rather light for someone of the age that should be submitting questions to this web site.
What I will tell you is with your exercise plan you will be gaining muscle weight and muscle weight weighs more than body fat. Whenever you start and exercise plan there are two very important things one needs to do and one optional thing
1. a complete physical by your doctor to insure your a physically healthy and you can exercise without harming yourself. Tell your doctor what you wish to achieve in the exercise program so the doctor can decide how to monitor your progress.
2. Find a fitness instructor or if still in school a physical education teacher to give you a workout routine. You need a proper routine to obtain your goals. As I said the routine you are doing now will more than likely put weight on you though it will be good weight as it will be muscle weight. which may not be what you want.
3. A proper diet when exercising is also important. A fitness counselor may also be able to help in this area or you can meet with a nutritionist.
Most important is to see your doctor first and foremost question to ask is; What is a proper weight for you at your age and height. Then build your goals from there.
One last thing. Is you are in the 12 to 14 year age bracket a weight and growth spurt would be normal. Do not be concerned with this as things will average out in a bit as you go further into puberty. Be less concerned with your weight for to is far better to be 10 pounds overweight then 10 pounds underweight.
About two years ago, I posted this question on here - http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=614037. My point of view has changed since then. The "bad" news, if you can really call it that, is that I view myself worse now than I did when I asked that question originally. I am not vocal to people that I know about my desire not to allow myself to move on, but I don't deserve to. At all. I deserve to die, and I am now looking at ways to die without anyone blaming anyone. If I commit suicide, I know people will blame themselves and I don't want that at all. I don't mind people hating me. In fact, I don't see why more people don't hate me and it's starting to annoy the living daylights out of me. It is really getting on my nerves when someone tells me I have potential to be good. It is starting to anger me that people are encouraging me to move on and live a better life.
I have attended the offending related programme I was ordered to, and learned a lot from it. According to the psychometric testing, I improved in every area except one, which is my self-esteem. For some stupid reason, staff at the probation office I visited believed I should move on. I went through their core programme and did very well in that. I went through their relapse prevention programme and did very well in that, albeit as a relapse prevention programme, and not as the "Better Life" programme they advertise it as. I have volunteered for two and a half years and this has only kept me out of the house on a daily basis. It has not proven to me to be a soul-inspiring time. It hasn't enforced some positive outlook. Although it has shown me that nothing I can do will ever repay the evil I have done.
Basically, I've asked myself why I should move on for almost four years in total and have always known that I shouldn't. I've asked why I deserve to have this great life, this nice job, nice house, this positive future that people say I "deserve", and the truth is I don't, and I know this. Yet I find myself questioning whether I really do know it. I can always say I categorically do, but can never say that I categorically don't, just that I "might not know for certain". How many more times do I need to ask myself before I accept that I'm right and that I don't deserve to move on and that every person I have worked with is a complete moron?
I don't know if you will accept what I'm about to say but I will say it anyway. Whether you accept what I say or not I do suggest you take advantage of the National Health system you have and book some time with a psychologist to work on your self-esteem-problems and some other issues you have.
You are correct what you have done can never be undone. You were also a child at the time, you turned yourself in and you have paid your debt to society. Paying your debt to society absolves you of your crimes in the eyes of the law. You on the other hand seem to refuse to allow yourself to be absolved of what your guilt.
This speaks volumes about just who your are. You have been given a second chance which would be a terrible waste if you were to kill yourself. The fact that your crime was a sex crime does not mean you can't use what you did to benefit the community just as some other criminals use their past to benefit community.
You do not say just what your crime was and I'm not going to guess at it. But you can help to keep others from committing sex crimes by speaking to other young men and warning them about such things as date rape. When consent is not really consent such as when a girl is drunk. Those and other things that can get a guy in trouble are things you may be able to talk about and what it was like to go through the criminal justice system because you made one mistake.
Yes you may have had multiple victims but I'm betting in the eyes of the judge he or she saw one mistake or you would be in jail. Peer to peer counseling is a very strong influence. Teenage boys and young men very often let the wrong head do their thinking as you may very well know. This is what you can talk about and hopefully keep others from committing a crime that could ruin their lives.
In the eyes of societies like ours. When you pay your debt to society all is suppose to be forgiven . Forgiving yourself is much different. Take your guilt and turn it for good to benefit your community. You can start by asking the police and probation department where telling your story may be useful in preventing young men from committing the same type of crime or other types of sex crimes.
This very well could be the reason you have been given this second chance.
My boyfriend and I just started having unprotected sex the 19th of November trying to conceive which at the time I stopped taking my birth control. Usually when I miss a pill I spot and if I don't take another right away I will get my period. I had spotting for a couple of hours but nothing since. Yesterday I was at the doctors office getting treated for a UTI at which point they gave me a pregnancy test that came back negative. My boyfriend and I haven't had sex since about 24 hours before the test was taken. The Doctor said normally the hormones show quickly. What chances do I have that I still could be pregnant? I was heart broken when they told me it was negative.
Just as it took time for the medication to build up in your system to protect you. It will take time to work its way out of your system, anywhere from 30 to 60 days. Generally speaking your first period after you stop taking the medication is when your chances of conceiving are possible.
Getting pregnant is not as easy as just having sex. In fact it is far more complicated than that. For most of us we enjoy our normal sex lives with unprotected sex and within a month or two the women becomes pregnant. For some couples it is a bit more complicated.
The average woman, about 85%, ovulate and are fertile between the 7th and 21st day of their menstrual cycle. This is when the Ovary ejects an egg to be fertilized. If you know just when you ovulate then having sex 3 days before and 3 days after should result in a pregnancy.
For th3 other 15% the can ovulate any time during their cycle including while having their period. Therefore it is important when trying to conceive to know when you are most fertile which is when you ovulate. Talk to your pharmacists to see if they have a kit you can purchase to help you find out just when you ovulate. Then plan to have intercourse during that time frame.
How far is a mile in street blocks?
A street block has no set distance in the National building code. Therefore it is not possible to calculate how many blocks to a mile.
What might be possible is each jurisdiction decides how many houses or business can be set on each acre of land. If you intend to run in your subdivision you could go to the department of planning and look at the finalized plan for your subdivision. This will reflect how many homes per acre and possibly the length or average length of each block.
If a Baptist woman married into a catholic family and started attending catholic church, would it be wrong for her to be offended by some of their catholic beliefs that she doesn't agree with? Would it be wrong for her to be irritated by them trying to push her beliefs on her like she's supposed to live her life their way even though she knew they were like that before she got married?
What if the woman and her husband were married near her home town even though it's ten hours away from where she and he live now. The wedding was in a Methodist church (because it was the prettiest in town) and her former Baptist preacher officiated. Everyone in the groom's family was on board except his grandmother. She is set in her ways and told his parents that they weren't really married because a catholic priest didn't marry them. What does that even mean? That marriage is only a catholic thing? That's BS! I would never tell an atheist that they weren't really married because marriage is only a Christian thing. It's irritating that she would say something like that and have that, "My way is the ONLY way" attitude.
Then the man and woman have a son the same year that the man's brother has a baby with his wife. They're the two newest of the grandmother's numerous great grandchildren, but they're the only ones that she won't acknowledge because they're not baptized. The woman just doesn't believe in baptizing babies because they don't know what it means to be baptized. They don't understand sin, they don't know who Jesus is or what he did for us, so baptism is meaningless to them. The Bible says that you're supposed to be baptized when you do understand sin, turn from it, and accept Jesus as your personal savior. It has to be YOUR decision, not your parents, so why does this crazy granny think that if the babies were baptized and God forbid, something happened to them, being baptized is the only way they could get to Heaven.
Different people believe different things and I believe that ALL babies go to Heaven. No matter what anyone says, I will always believe this and I find it offensive that some people who don't believe that can say the most insensitive and downright heartless things about deceased infants. If you don't believe that babies go to Heaven, then fine. You have the right believe whatever you want, but please don't say insensitive s--- out loud and then act like you don't know what you said that's so upsetting. If someone (like the particular woman in this story) says something about her baby in Heaven, referring to her miscarried baby, don't tell her that the miscarried baby isn't in Heaven, but rather in a landfill somewhere and expect her NOT to get pissed off.
I know of other people that have lost babies as well. My aunt had a miscarriage, my godmother lost a baby the day he was born, two of my friends had a triplet brother who died at birth. I find it annoying that people like this grandmother believe that because these babies that I care about so much aren't in Heaven because their parents didn't get them baptized. But whatever, they DO have the right to believe that as I said so myself. What offends me is that they tell people those beliefs in a very insensitive way including the parents of such babies.
Now granny has given the parents of both of her new great grandchildren an ultimatum. They can either get the babies baptized or she will not come to town for thanksgiving. The parents don't want to betray their beliefs by baptizing their children before the children are old enough to understand what they're doing and to make the decision to do it themselves. However, thanksgiving isn't the only part of her ultimatum really. She will not acknowledge the kids as her great grandchildren until they are baptized. Now that's really over the top. I know her beliefs are important to her and as a fellow Christian, I can understand that her relationship with God is more important than anything. But I would not refuse to acknowledge a relative with different beliefs than mine and I don't think Jesus would want me to. I mean, we ARE supposed to love each other, right?
This writing was really a lot longer than I meant for it to be and I'm sorry, but I needed to vent. My question is this. Is it wrong if none of the parents of the new babies care if the grandmother comes for thanksgiving? Is it REALLY wrong if they don't want her for thanksgiving because of her hurtfulness even if it means she'll probably be alone for thanksgiving? How would you handle this?
Is it wrong? to my way of looking at this the answer is both yes and no.
It is wrong not to extend and invitation to granny. If she chooses not to attend then the problem is hers not yours or theirs. She will have made her bed and it will be up to her whether she lays in it or not. The rest of the family should not feel guilty that granny is not in attendance.
My father was a lot like granny. He knew all there was and it was his way or the highway. It was this way all my life until he insulted my wife. To this day I do not know what he said to her, my wife will not tell me but she was very hurt by it. I wrote him a letter telling him until he apologized to my wife I wanted nothing to do with him. I knew he would never apologize for he never did. My sister and I always had to apologize to him even when we were right or we got the silent treatment. I never saw or spoke to him again and I have no regrets as he made his bed and I let him lay in it.
My father missed out on many things. His grandsons graduation from college as the Honor Graduate. His grandsons award for Valor from the Fire Department for saving the life of an 18 month old baby among others milestone he has made in life.
People like granny and my dad can be steadfast in their ways. That doesn't mean that you and they as adults have to bend to her will. They are the children's parents. They are the ones responsible for raising their children and it is their beliefs that they must instill in their children. Just as long as they are lawful beliefs no one has the right to interfere of demand anything different.
No one should feel guilty about granny being alone, it is her choice. I doubt missing one family gathering will cause her to change her mind. What will come out of this is it will show her that everyone involved are adults raising their families as they chose. I suggest you all not cave into her.
So I'm a guy btw and my cousin (I'll admit she's always been attractive) has always been a total b*tch to me. Basically, she's always been a fitness nazi and super condescending (I was always a pretty chubby guy, but I got with the gym scene in college and stuck with it ever since).
Anyway, she just flew in for Thanksgiving and, I kid you not, she gained like 25 lbs! Right now, she's sitting in our living room in yoga pants and slippers, eating pie! Her butt got huge and she's got love handles now, and it's not even Thanksgiving.
Also, here is a pic of her shoes (for the lulz, I guess) http://i.imgur.com/3sd0uAr.jpg
My mother just asked her "So, how've you been? Everything alright?" and her response was "Yeah, I broke up with --- and I guess I put on a few holiday pounds, but *mouth full* I've never felt better".
I feel bad saying this, but - I really like seeing her like this. I'm not intimidated by her anymore. She just finished an entire pie (which was for Thanksgiving btw) with her feet up on our ottoman, went upstairs to the fridge, came back down with ben&jerry's and is out of breath. I mean, the same person that I was so nervous around has crumbs on her face and just wiped her hands on her shirt!
But, another part of me actually feels kind of awkward/guilty watching her give in to every little temptation and craving (mainly because that's what I used to do, and she was quick to criticize me)
Thought? Help? Advice?
She is probably having some type of breakup grief. Hopefully she is not pregnant which would be an entire different answer to your question, somewhat anyway.
Depending on how long she was in the relationship and what caused the relationship to break up will be the reason for hope deep her grief over the break up is. If he broke up with her and she never saw it coming then her grief will be deeper then if relationship was in trouble and they finally split by mutual consent.
Giving her emotional support is the best advice I can offer. It does not sound like you two were ever all that close but now you have the chance for a closer relationship if you want one.
What I suggest is you talk to her. Say something like I heard you and xxx broke up. I can see it has been hard on you . I have big shoulders if you would like to lean on them or cry on them or just talk it out. I'm a great listener.
If you can get her to talk to you then you can steer the conversation around to the question of why is she hurting herself over him. Especially if he is the one that het her. You bolster her with words to the effect he didn't deserve her, he wasn't good enough for her and he certainly isn't worth hurting herself over. Then see if you can get her to go to the gym with you.
Emotional support is the best thing you can do for her. Depending on how long this has been going on with her. It might be good to suggest grief counseling. There are all types of grief and she is from what you have written sounds to be in a state of grief. She might just need professional help to climb out of the hole she has dug for herself.
26 female
I was dating this guy about 6 months ago and it started of great and then he started going crazy .
He came to my house and my dogs were on my moms lap and my mom was holding them because they were barking at him and he pulled out a knife and threatened to cut my dogs up in tiny pieces and at school last Tuesday he pulled out a knife and rope and scared me half to death. I immediately went home and the next day called the school and reported what happened. We were by ourselves even though I told him to leave me alone. He also said that he overdosed on Adderall when I broke up with him over the dog inncedent . I was at school today and the cop that the school put me on the phone with told me he knows him and he is dangerous and I need to take serious action immediately. What should I do?
First of all this is something you and your parents should be doing together. I would be very surprised if this boy is still in school after the incident you write about with the rope and the knife. HE should have been suspended or expelled for having a dangerous weapon in school at the very least.
The fact that he pulled out and knife and as you say, “scared me half to death." Then there must have been an overt act of threatening you. This is an assault a criminal act for which you, and depending on your age, should file a complaint with the police. Even though this act is in the past you have plenty of time to file your complaint.
You can also file for an order of protection based on the assault. The officer who takes you complaint will tell you how to do so. The order of protection means that he will not be allowed to come within a certain distance of you.
If you are granted an order of protection and he is still in school. The school system will have to move him to another school as remaining in your school will violate the order of protect.
Hi there...the only problem in my life is witg my CIRCADIAN RHYTHM...i can't get sleep at night..i stay awake all the night long n only fall asleep at the dawn...for which I can't get up early n sleep till afternoon...i set alarms on my mobiles n clocks...even my friends n parents give me wake up calls...but at those hours f morning when I should get up n get ready for work, I become a completely different person n find excuses for not not to get up n having extra hours of sleep...that's how I reach Office üate n many days I do absent... N later when I wake up find myself doing absent so many days I go to depression n give excuses to colleagues n parents n myself too...i think I am developing absenteeism n depression too...what should I do?
Having suffered from depression myself and having trouble sleeping at night as well. It is possible that depression might cause a disturbance in one's CIRCADIAN RHYTHM. I am not a doctors so I cannot say for certain this is true. I can only speak for myself in the fact that now that my depression has been treated I no longer have sleep problems.
I suggest you see your family doctor for a complete physical. Tell your doctor you might be depressed and let the doctor screen you for depression. The screening consists of a list of questions the doctor will ask you from which a diagnosis can be made.
Should you be diagnosed as being depressed the doctor will want to do a complete physical to rule out any organic reason for some of the symptoms you will report. Once that is done a treatment plan for the depression can be designed for you.
I'm choosing between two different colleges and can't make up my mind.
My heart was set on one college until this past weekend when I actually went to visit it. Online the college looked beautiful and bragged about their many awards, but when I got there it seemed super outdated and kind of dirty. I didn't think the campus was pretty at all, but then again I didn't get to see all of it or any of the dorms. The school has over 80 clubs, greek life, greek housing, sports teams and other events, which is really important to me. The city it's in is kind of boring though with no good shopping and not many restaurants or things to do.
The second college is gorgeous and updated with nice dorms and is in one of my favorite cities that has a ton to do. However, the president of the school doesn't approve of greek life and doesn't offer any greek housing. They also don't have too many clubs and no school spirit from the reviews I've read.
Now I'm super torn because I REALLY want to be in a sorority with sorority housing, but the school that offers that isn't the beautiful school I imagined myself being at. The school that is beautiful doesn't offer sorority housing, but has the other benefits I listed above.
I keep trying to tell myself it's not that big of a deal to be in a sorority, but it really is that important to me!
Help! What do I do?
There is a lot to be said about what goes into college life and the benefits of many of the things you have listed.
Most of those thing are secondary to what is the primary reason for going to college. That is the education in the field of study you are going for. The bottom line is while Greek life, shopping and modern dorms are nice. They do not add anything to the education the college provides.
If I was your father and I'm old enough to be your grandfather, my advice to you would be to pick the school that is going to give you the best education. I would think the school without the Greek Life or some of the other things your looking ford They do not have those things for they believe they detract from the education they are providing.
In other words it is not a party school. There is a lot to be said for party schools. Party schools also have bad reputations and people with degrees from some of those schools do not shine as bright as people with degrees from non party schools.
This will become evident when you start looking for work after college.
How do you go with the flow when it comes to sex but stay true to the limits you set for yourself? What if you are a virgin and really would like to have sex but want it to be with someone who is actually committed to you so with guys who are not fully committed to you don't let them get fully in your pants, how do you deal with your sense of frustration following that. I had an amazing make out session with a guy I'm very attracted to but didn't let it get to full sex and now I feel like I cheated my body out of what it naturally wanted to do and am worried I gave him blue balls (from dry humping?). Ideally I'd love to just have sex but in my head I fear the emotional repercussions of doing it with someone I dont have a strong foundation of trust with. How can one negotiate the natural flow of sexuality with a sense of self-preservation?
You are right not to have sex with someone that is not committed to you. While may no longer be a teenager men your age who will not make a commitment to you are still only interested in getting in your pants.
Sex without a commitment for some people is very enjoyable. For you it is something akin to empty calories and that's fine, stick to your principals. There are ways to gratify your need for sex and the touch of another person without intercourse, mutual masturbation.
Now mutual masturbation includes oral sex, hand jobs and fingering. This of course requires being naked or partially naked with your partner. You need to trust that if you expose yourself to him that he will not try and take advantage and attempt intercourse with you.
Mutual masturbation can sometimes be just as satisfying as intercourse as it almost guarantees an orgasm for you as you can lie there and relax as he attends to you. The same goes for him as he too can just concentrate on his climax which can be more powerful sometimes than one achieved through intercourse.
Don't get me wrong intercourse is a beautiful thing with the right partner. Though there are times when you just want to relax and let your partner take care of you. That's when mutual masturbation happens between committed couples. In your case it would be the alternative to intercourse.