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How to go with the flow but stay true to your limits
How do you go with the flow when it comes to sex but stay true to the limits you set for yourself? What if you are a virgin and really would like to have sex but want it to be with someone who is actually committed to you so with guys who are not fully committed to you don't let them get fully in your pants, how do you deal with your sense of frustration following that. I had an amazing make out session with a guy I'm very attracted to but didn't let it get to full sex and now I feel like I cheated my body out of what it naturally wanted to do and am worried I gave him blue balls (from dry humping?). Ideally I'd love to just have sex but in my head I fear the emotional repercussions of doing it with someone I dont have a strong foundation of trust with. How can one negotiate the natural flow of sexuality with a sense of self-preservation?
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You are right not to have sex with someone that is not committed to you. While may no longer be a teenager men your age who will not make a commitment to you are still only interested in getting in your pants.
Sex without a commitment for some people is very enjoyable. For you it is something akin to empty calories and that's fine, stick to your principals. There are ways to gratify your need for sex and the touch of another person without intercourse, mutual masturbation.
Now mutual masturbation includes oral sex, hand jobs and fingering. This of course requires being naked or partially naked with your partner. You need to trust that if you expose yourself to him that he will not try and take advantage and attempt intercourse with you.
Mutual masturbation can sometimes be just as satisfying as intercourse as it almost guarantees an orgasm for you as you can lie there and relax as he attends to you. The same goes for him as he too can just concentrate on his climax which can be more powerful sometimes than one achieved through intercourse.
Don't get me wrong intercourse is a beautiful thing with the right partner. Though there are times when you just want to relax and let your partner take care of you. That's when mutual masturbation happens between committed couples. In your case it would be the alternative to intercourse.
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I come from a very strict parenting background and have lived through what you're describing to the tee. From personal experience I can say that I never regretted not having sex with someone I didn't have strong feelings for but I can also say that there were a few instances where I did regret giving myself to people that didn't really matter or take my feelings seriously. I truly believe that respect is everything. But first we must respect ourselves before we require others to respect us as well.
As far as feeling sexually gratified, masturbation is a wonderful outlet. Making out with someone is enough of an emotional test to see if there is anything worth pursuing. The trick is to not let yourself get carried away in the moment. Believe me I know that it takes a monumental amount of self control to keep things PG rated. Trust your instincts because they will rarely fail you. If you aren't very very sure about your guy then all signs are pointing to wait! Look, let's be honest here. Most guys will do anything and say anything to have sex to some degree. That does not equal respect, or love, or even like. It simply means they are horny for you. Take that as some sort of compliment but that's all it is unless you've built up some sort of friendship or romantic relationship where he will definitely make you feel like a princess and completely safe. Until then keep a cool head when everything else is burning up! You sound like a sensible person. Hope this help. :-)
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